Can a Jamaican take Cali?

Time for a blog, it has been too long, and my eye is hurting so why not

2009-11-02T16:48:00.000-08:00

I cannot read any more cases because my right eye is so irritated I can barely look at pages, sorry for any typos but typing this with one eye open, sometimes both eyes closed and going from muscle memory.

It has been ages since I posted a blog.

Mini rants:
NEVER FLAKE ON ME, NEVER, COT DAMN IT EVER...but if you must, have a pretty damn good excuse, and communicate early and often. Being 2 hours late and then providing an excuse after you receive a call is unacceptable

Took a blow to the throat this weekend that makes it difficult to talk...if u know me, u know that must be torture.

Went out for Halloween, probably wore my laziest costume EVER. Ended up in WE HO, where 90% of the gay guys in SO CAL were, and definitely 100% of the aggressive gay guys were located.

No fights on my end, did encounter an overly aggressive guy, trying to step to my female friend that I was with. He came up and immediately hugged her, I thought at first he knew her, then quickly sensed the awkwardness of the situation. Thing is the kid looked like he might weigh less than 120, and I do not mean 120 like a boxer that packs a punch, I mean 120 like a guy that just does not gain weight. I am pretty sure the young lady could have taken him, but what would have been the fun in that? I gave the most gentle of shoves (to make him step back from her) and could feel the kids whole body shift under my arm. Would have been interesting to see her take him on.

Shout out to the outfits of my companions, very sexy, very wasted at the Abbey!! See above re 90%.

Our colleague that missed out would have spent half the night trying to conceal his crotch due to the scarcity of clothing of our friends. I took a pix but had to delete it. Out of respect to friends and fear of my girl...kidding re fear!

Cot damn, I might have to go to the doc, I really am starting to feel severe pain from this eye. Just great, I am going to walk in, barely be able to talk and just let them scream in horror at how swollen and red my eye is. I just pried it open to take a pix with my cell (too lazy to walk to a mirror) it looks nasty, and it is leaking...not sure what the hell happened. Wonder if I scratched my lens again.

Going to Vegas at the end of this week and yet, I am pretty certain I am just going to spend the weekend sleeping in the hotel room...not feeling it, and kind of worried about the party we are going to!!!

I actually carried a friend of mine out of the bar on Saturday, he blacked out so completely he had no recollection of meeting myself or the girls, or that we even hung out for a few minutes. To his friend Carol (I think that was the name) for the 20th time "OK I HEAR YOU WE ARE COMING OUTSIDE THE CLUB" HAHAH, poor girl seemed so stressed on the phone, and I was trying to hold my friend up with one hand, while trying to use his cell phone to talk to his friend...good times.

I ate way too much candy this weekend. I stepped on a scale last week and realized I have got to go back to working out...I blame the girl (ez I know). I tipped the scale this weekend at the gym at a clean 224lbs. Nope not a misprint, eye or not I made sure to type that one slowly...I WEIGH 224lbs.

So today for lunch I had steak and eggs, protein for the lift that I am going to do tonight. Tonight's dinner will be fried rice, now I know that does not sound healthy but trust me, it is how I lose weight, I dropped 40lbs in 6 months doing things like that and I will do it again.

If I go to Jamaica this heavy my parents will disown me.

Speaking of disown me, putting out an APB for a friend that used to live in America, moved back to Jamaica and has not said a word to me since.

Ok have to stop, I can barely sit up. Going to flush the eye with solution, if that does not work, I will have to scrap gym plans for tonight...and seriously at 224, I need all the gym time I can get!

Selah,

gmail fail

2009-09-01T14:06:00.001-07:00

My gmail has been down for ages today...just great, I need access to files

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINH!

2009-08-11T11:48:00.000-07:00

Stay out of trouble, go get some bunh thit nuong and some pho

“Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage” (though, the horse and carriage concept is a bit outdated…I’m not saying, I’m just saying

2009-08-10T13:20:00.000-07:00

So this is dangerous territory, writing about the fairer sex at a rapid pace and not pausing to think about your words can never be safe (rarely PC) and can lead to fun interactions, but oh well, LETS DO IT!!

A couple of my really close male friends are getting married, and they have both asked me to be in their weddings…it shows the state of my mental deficiency/incapacity/reluctance to accept that friends would get married or that they would want me in their weddings that the first words to both of them were not congratulations but “ARE YOU SURE?” Now do not get me wrong, I went on to congratulate them (sadly Greg had to prompt me on his…My Bad!), and I do think they are doing the right thing (I kid you not I actually wrote wrong thing and had to go back and change it…even my fingers will not come around to the idea) getting married, I just still have moments where marriage seems like an immense leap.

I applaud relationships, I think they are ‘great I think a man is not whole until he finds himself that special someone. But for some reason I still pause when I hear the word marriage…especially amongst my friends!!! Does it say something about the circle I am in? Does it say something about me? For instance, if Assassin right now told me he was getting married I would immediately ask him “When is the baby due?” That is WRONG, yet, 100% predictable.

As a group my friends seem so incapable of staying in lasting relationships that I guess I find it hard to believe that any of us are capable of doing the right thing…but, (and depending on the girl that could be a BIG BUTT [sorry cannot help myself]) I find myself in a relationship and I THOUROUGHLY enjoy it, she is a wonderful girl, treats me right (sometimes) great cook, witty, smart, sexier than anything you have and willing to put up with me (bonus), may it last forever.

How did this happen? I know I had no control over this, in fact I was floored to find out I was in a relationship and that too is part of what inspired this blog: MEN ARE BLOODY IDIOTS, REALLY WE ARE MORONS. I never understand guys that act like they are God’s gift to women, in reality we are LUCKY when they choose us because never mistake it, they choose us. Yeah there might be that random moment when some random quick fling daggering occurs, but when it comes to a long term relationship, they CHOOSE us, we might think we are ‘settling down’ but nope, she has made us stay home.

Is this why men cheat? Are they trying to break away and assert independence, kind of like that docile dog that one day just bites someone? Are they just trying to prove that yes you dressed me up in a pink sweater even though I have fur (you made me wear that sweater vest) and yes I allow you to walk me with a rhinestone studded leash (I went shoe shopping and kept my mouth shut) and yes you gave me a poodle cut even though I am a bull dog (yes I think it is awesome when you tell me how much of a ‘slut’ my ex-girlfriend is) I still have teeth (I have the ability to hook up with others). I swear as I type this I got this IM from Assassin (we are discussing that some cute girl is visiting his home and I called him an unflattering term for promiscuous persons: “ meh... she's here with her bf... eye candy only” - - The leash is on but he is fighting it.

My old roomie, settled down and is happy, I envy that. I want that, I like that he and his wife are making it work. Love is important, it is necessary it is hard to attain. Don’t believe me? Read on dear friend read on. I have a really good friend who seemed to have it all, his girl was making bank, he had a decent job, they had a house, they were together for years (anything over than 2 to me feels like a de facto marriage) the marriage seemed like it was inevitable but, it did not happen. Now when I first heard they broke up I thought to myself, “Dating for over 3 years, why bother to break up now?” Problem is, he was cool with how things were and ‘she’ wanted more. A relationship cannot work if one party is just ‘ok with the status quo’. In her words he needed to ‘get it together’ and while I want to disagree with her…I cannot. After three years I guess you really have to walk down that aisle or walk away from each other.

Amantes sunt amentes (lovers are lunatics):
“It's fine all of the time
Like sex on the beaches,
What else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?” F the pain away by Peaches (other lyrics too raunchy)

I like asking my friends this very simple question: “HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX SOBER?” Now this does not mean blind stumbling drunk just whether the first time they had sex with someone, some alcohol was involved. The results are rarely pretty. In fact (since I am a huge fan of train-wreck theater) the results are awesome. One friend replied with, “I cannot have sex sober”. Think about it in your own life, I am not asking you about the 20th time you and your significant other engaged in sexual congress I am asking about the first time. One of my colleagues (momentary discretion here, no names) has had sex with at least 18 girls and has never had Sex Sober! Strange world we live in, that an act that comes naturally to many, and is desired by many seems to require alcohol as lubrication to grease the wheels. (Some of you can substitute high, for alcohol here and the premise remains the same)

“I hate my girl man, I am going to break up with her”
“Dude I am going to marry her, I love her man”
“Man, I need to leave her”
“She is such a bitch” [2 hours later] “Ok everything is ok now, I love her”
“Should I break up with her?” “Why won’t you tell me what you think?”
“She wants to live together” [she had previously planned to leave the city]
“You just do not understand man, she is just bitchy sometimes, otherwise we are cool”
--All of the above came from one friend over a 6 month period about his girlfriend. This is why I sometimes wonder what has become of my life, if my friends are this crazy, what does it say about me that I am still friends with the lunatics? Like clockwork every week he and I talk about how much he hates her or how much he loves her and yet he will never leave her…this cannot be healthy!

Can a girl stay in a relationship if she does not control all of it? I do not know, I am not trying to spout off, I just do not know. I watch my female friends and they seem to become flustered if they are not fully in control of the relationship (not controlling the guy, that is something else). I joked with a friend and asked her “How is the hubby?” when inquiring about her bf and she freaked out, apparently others had been making that joke recently and she was not prepared for such jokes…hmm Why? I know this blog is filled with questions, but I am just free flowing here and I realize just how little I know about a creature that I have hunted for the last 16 years of my life.

I am friends with all of my exes, I may not talk to most of them, but I am at least friends with them. So many people I know cannot abide to be anywhere near their exes and I find that strange, because at some point you must have been attracted to them, have been compatible with them, what went so wrong that you cannot even be around them? I have an ex that I even think cheated on me (may she R.I.P.) but I have never actually confronted her with it, preferring to go with the Mario Winans “I don’t wanna know” attitude.

However, (and you have to say that aggressively) I cannot abide hearing about any of my exes dating NONE OF THEM, even the ones that I just dated for a short span. So far none of my exes have gotten married; none have become pregnant (well…) or acquired kids. I do not want to date any of them again, yet I cannot stomach the thought of any of them getting married????? I am a weird guy, I am not naturally jealous and I am not selfish, in fact I have a hard time saying no (and friends use this to their advantage, I might as well open up a pro-bono moving company). Yet for some reason I do not want to think of any of ‘my girls’ with other people. I am not naïve and I even understand the science behind the body, but I still pretend that all my girlfriends are virgins, long may they remain pure!

A colleague mentioned to me that he recently re-connected with his ex-wife and he was torn about the fact that she had produced seed and was dating a guy that did not look as good as him (his judgment not mine). I could tell that he was torn up by it, and he came to me for advice, the thing is, I completely understood it, even though it was his ex-wife he still did not want to see her changed.

So many guys hope for their exes to become fat and ugly after they break up, that is the last thing I want. I would never, ever want someone I dated to become ugly, I want to always look back with no regrets, and if ‘she’ ever became ugly I would have to wonder what I saw in her.

Finally, believe it guys, we have no control, NONE, the moment you accept that, you will enjoy your relationships more. Girls dress for each other, not for you. You are barely window dressing on the house; when they take you shopping, you are not there to approve outfits you are there to either talk to them or to make you feel like you are included and have a say (you have none, my girl actually told me that to my face…I already knew it).

I should re do my business cards and on the back put:
“To all male clients please practice saying these words:
- You are right, I am wrong
- Those look great
- Anything you want
- Sweet, I would love to do that
- No, this game is not that important
- I think your sister is pretty [use for an escape moment when you really, really want to get out of the relationship]
Selah,

Jordan Crawford dunks on Lebron James

2009-07-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

So, TMZ hyped their video but turns out Ebaum nation has a much better clip. HERE IS THE LINK...hiding it just made it take on legendary status!

http://ebaumnation.com/2009/07/22/jordan-crawford-dunks-on-lebron-james

Saturday was kind of a good day,

2009-07-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

- Did some legal work – no stress
- Made some good breakfast – fried dumpling, beer and breakfast tortillas
- Picked up some DVDs- nice weekday night plans
- Spoke to the crazy chica – re-enforced my beliefs
- Had dinner with the bro and his girl- good food great views
- Hit the Korean market – yellow tail, ground pork, shrimp and tones of veggies and fruit – FEASTING THIS WEEK
- Hung with the neighbor – beer and wine for supper great, great plan!

MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL

2009-07-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

This should link you to the video!

Can Chris Brown save career with plea deal in assault on Rihanna? | Gold Derby | Los Angeles Times

2009-06-22T18:48:00.000-07:00

Can Chris Brown save career with plea deal in assault on Rihanna? | Gold Derby | Los Angeles Times

Interesting article, it says a lot that I agree with i.e. the Grammys and Oscars are often out of touch with trends and refuse to honor the most deserving for fear of how they might be reflected!

June 13th = a very good saturday

2009-06-14T02:23:00.000-07:00

Test drove a Kia for 5 minutes it lead to a $20 gift card at Korean market. If you have ever been to the Asian market you will know that $20 will put you in food for 2 weeks or more. In my case I wanted a $20lb sack of rice, some booze, some veggies, some meat, some fruit and some seasoning and I only paid $3 thanks to the test drive!!! Good times. And it all started because I flirted with this cute girl in the store and she let me know that free money was being given away.

Assassin and I then stopped at bev mo, grabbed some 'scotchy scotch scotch' and drank to start the afternoon while I grilled 1lb burgers!!!

But the drinking was NOT enough to stop us from playing tennis for 2 hours, it might however be the reason why we completed only one set despite playing for TWO HOURS!!! The game finally ended at 11-9 one set, the second set will be played later today.

Then it was time to go see the hangover; despite the fact that the movie started at 8 and we were still at my crib at 8...but the day was going too well, so of course we made it to the movie just as the final waste of time trailer/ad rolled BONUS.
We drank scotch throughout the movie...then ran to the Loo at the end of the movie (very funny movie, go see it!). Not the best plan to drive home after the movie so we walked into UP since it had been getting rave reviews...I can see why.

Finally made it back to the crib, more scotch, quick walk to the bars. Met a girl who was giving me the 'eye' I FROZE, I mean I completely lost the skill to step to her. Sand Assassin gave me the look of shame (then he froze later when meeting a hot chick...Hahah SUCKER!!!!) Finally screwed up courage at the 2nd bar. Now unwinding, it was a good day/night. Hopefully the Lakers lose later and neither SA or myself dies of alcohol poisoning or the pharmaceuticals that we may or may not have accidentally mixed in with them.

Lebron is a brat, plain, simple and understandable

2009-06-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

It is easy to bash Lebron after his graceless exit following his team’s loss to Orlando over the weekend. A player who has coveted and basked in the media’s spotlight for years suddenly did not want to deal with the harsh light of reality when the biggest question he might be asked would be “Why did your team lose?”

Spare me the he is young excuse. Lebron is 24 and has been in the league for 6 years, he is so mature that most people in their 40s could look to him for guidance. Yes he had to grow up fast but when you have the publicity/support/monetary machine that surrounds
Lebron, you grow up fast.

The fact that the league has not (yet) fined him for skipping out on the post game press conference is farcical and proves the conspiracy wonks right…the league favors its stars.

Many Lebron backers are saying he left without doing the obligatory post game press conference because he did not want to bash his team mates – and that is a defense? I am supposed to believe that Lebron was merely following the principle of “if you cannot say something nice don’t say anything at all”. Well that is (in old sportswriter terminology) HOGWASH. There were plenty of nice things he could have said: “We lost to a better team”, “We got our butts Kicked”, “We were out hustled, out-maneuvered”, “The Magic are a great team”, “Dwight Howard is superman and he owns my team” ok he would probably never say the last one, but it is true.

But if he really wanted to be the ‘King James’ that many expect him to be, he could have come out and said something that I would have really admired, allow me for a moment to be Lebron answering an imaginary question:

Reporter from Cleveland: “Lebron what are your thoughts on this your second straight exit just before the NBA finals”
Lebron: “What can I say? We were out coached so badly that it makes it even funnier that Mike Brown won coach of the year when anyone who follows basketball knows that we won 60 plus games because I play on this team, we caught fire at home, we have great fans, caught many a team flat, played with intensity because for most of our players the greatest thing we can aspire to is a great record not a title. Our coach won coach of the year because writers are often too lazy to look at actual circumstances and would rather just look at plain numbers; “Team X has more wins so they must have the best”. Because it would be too hard to swallow that the coach of Oklahoma has less talent and tougher circumstances and did a much better job even if his team had less wins, or that Greg Popovich had to deal with injuries all year but still got his team a great record. Or how about George Karl and his bunch of knuckleheads, his team was practically transformed in the middle of the season and still he was a force in the West, and this is before we get to the coach of the team that beat us!

“But what are my thoughts? Did you see my team out there? I have a guy making predictions that we are the better team, the best team in the NBA and then he cannot hit a jump shot if you widened the rim to 5 feet and lowered it 3 feet. I have power forwards who could not make my high school team. We could not stop anyone and this team won 2 games ONLY because of me, not partly because of me…ONLY. That 3 pointer I hit in game 3 was ridiculous; did you see how I celebrated after that? And of course no ref dared T me up like they did D ho ’cause I am LBJ, I am that good.

MY TEAM SUCKS, no really put that in the paper, WE SUCK, everyone automatically assumed I would make the finals, and I stared to believe it. I have more commercials out right now than games played in the Conference finals. I might as well go help Kobe look for his “3 championship rings” because that is the closest I am getting to a ring this year. I put up 38/8/8 and still could not even make a game 7 much less the finals. If you think I am going to sign that extension you are crazy or you have some last second ransom you are going to spring on me to force me to stay, because as soon as I can get out of here I am going.”

Cavaliers’ management scrambling to podium: “PRESS CONFERENCE OVER!”

Or of course he could have just said “Both teams played hard” (Shout out to Rasheed Wallace)

But to just put your headphones on and walk out to the bus, that was bush league. To not even shake the hand of your Olympic team-mate, that was tasteless. But, wait, you have been given a chance to redeem yourself, you can hold a press conference after you have had a chance to cool off, surely now you will say something contrite and explain away the childish behavior.

WRONG!

In his press conference a day after the game, LBJ did not apologize for his actions instead he offered up excuses: He told us that he emailed Dwight Howard…look I have enemies I respect enough to actually call if I have to congratulate them, much less a team-mate that I won a gold medal with. He then told the world that he walked off because he is a winner and that winners do not like to lose (ignore the oxymoron for a second) and that no one congratulates the person that kicks their ass.

So what I take from this is that Lebron has never watched a single Boxing match, MMA fight, Karate Tournament, any version of Rocky, a hockey game, a little league match, Tennis (especially Serena vs. anyone from France), old highlights of Jordan (he wears 23 too) vs. the Lakers/Pistons/Celtics. Hell apparently he never played a friendly pickup game, or flag football or just a game of cards apparently Lebron has only ever watched Lebron. It is a time honored part of sports to congratulate your opponent win or lose. It is not humiliating it is respect. It is not humbling yourself; it is acknowledgment of the nature of the shared activity.

Look even Mike Tyson at the end of a fight with Lennox Lewis where he previously threatened to eat Lennox’s children (HIS CHILDREN!) congratulated Lennox on beating him into submission. If Tyson, one of the craziest and most dangerous men ever to engage in an athletic endeavor can have the grace to shake his opponents hand, your not doing it, diminishes you.

But really Lebron – you are a winner so you did not shake your opponents hands? Uhmm, if you are such a winner why is your team now “Gone Fishing” while the Magic play this Thursday? Can you really call yourself a winner when your team just got soundly beaten and LOST? You lost the game and then you lost respect by your actions…man up!

There is currently a very popular phrase in the vernacular of the streets…Bitch Made; Lebron, I never thought I could apply that to you, but those actions this weekend were Bitch Made. This is the first time that I have seen that you lacked that positive male influence in shaping your youth that would have told you…“that is not cool you never walk off like that.”

Some are now saying this has done irreparable harm to your image, I even heard a sports talk host here in LA claim that you would lose endorsements because of it. That is just reactionary talk, you will overcome this, mainly because your marketing machine is so good that they will immediately impress upon you that this can never happen again. But, I hope you will overcome this because of the strength of character that I think I see in you.

You came into the league with incredible pressure on you, and for the most part have handled it better than anyone could have expected, learn from this and come out better than ever.

p.s. I really wish someone when you were 13 had told you, do NOT wear number 23!

Why Orlando could win but the Lakers should…

2009-06-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ok the title is not the greatest, I really hate when sports writers waffle and refuse to pick a side, yet at the same time I understand it.

Well if I am going to just wantonly give a prediction, I will say Orlando in 6 with the Lakers having the choking label attached to them!

See looking at that sentence you would say, come on he is crazy, if you are going to pick Orlando it has to be a hard fought series going all the way. BUT, history favors the home team winning game 7s so if I predict a 7 game series and I trust history I would have to give the win to LA, right? And history says the Lakers struggle against speedy guards …Skip to my lou is so much better and faster than Derek Fisher at this point in their careers that the point guard advantage is strongly in favor of Orlando?

The Lakers were the most talented team in the playoffs by far. I know many predicted Denver over the Lakers, but I think most of those predictions were based on hope and fatigue at the Laker hype and Kobe and Lebron puppets. In a head to head matchup there are few players on the Denver starting 5 that could replace the Lakers starting 5. Yes they are flashier, much more likeable guys but when you really dig deep down to your core as a fan, do you prefer likeable to championships? Before you answer that think again about John Stockton…very likeable guy…zero wins. Now if you are a Utah fan would you have traded all those years of Stockton for 2 titles with Kobe?

Or Lakers fans who now claim that the best decision was cutting Shaq. Would you have been fine with having discontent in your team but 3 more titles? Or are you really happy with the last 5 years of your team? I know many now claim that it was a great decision to get rid of Shaq but really, how good a decision was it? The team went into a spiral, has the label of petulant and soft and is one of the most hated franchises in the league…with Shaq you would have been hated but champs. And please do not give me the garbage of Kobe threatening to leave if Shaq stayed. Kobe was a petulant child (maybe still is) who pouts when he does not have his way, he has held your franchise ransom time and time again (hell there was even a rumored threat that he would play for the Clippers) bashed team mates and always came back. He was never leaving as long as he thought he could keep winning with Shaq.

But sorry, I have floated so far away from the topic that I could be a plot line on Family Guy (insert random fight with a chicken here). Orlando presents matchup problems for the ‘Talented Lakers’, who on the Lakers is going to guard Dwight Howard? Other than the refs I mean. I am constantly amused by the new ways in which a ‘superstar’ like Dwight does not get ‘superstar’ calls? Does David Stern have a daughter? Did he catch her in bed with D Ho? Did he defile Stern’s wife? What is it? Lebron gets free throws if a fan from the other team stares at him. Dwight has a foul called on him for a clean block on a 3 point attempt that did not even need replay for the world to see how bogus it was.

Is it because he is signed to Adidas? Is the league owned by Nike? The ads would seem to suggest that.

A colleague of mine has for ages drank the kool aid (probably lemon lime or some other weak flavor like that) that D Ho is soft. I have argued that he is not soft, people just do not give him enough credit and are not exposed enough to his games. I now add to that analysis, I think part of the problem is that when he plays ‘hard’ he picks up ridiculous fouls and technicals and thus has to spend so much time on the bench that his ‘soft’ play is necessary for continued minutes.

To buttress this argument I point to the technical that was rescinded by the league. D ho was being mauled under the hoop by Anderson V (one of the sneaky dirty players in the league) catching the ball he goes up strong and gets a basket and an ‘and one’ he flexes like ‘players with passion’ are supposed to react and he gets T-d up for taunting…hmm. I think because he has the body and strength of Shaq but did not build up the cache of good will and publicity that Shaq had received from his brief time at LSU, D Ho is yet to get the respects of the refs. I suspect that by next year some of the ticky tack fouls that he has to deal with now will no longer be a problem and he will be allowed to be more ‘aggressive’.

The 5 best players in the NBA in no particular order are Kobe, Lebron, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, Tim Duncan (when healthy – increasingly rare), my Spurs bias says that Tony Parker is knocking on that door, before you laugh completely at that, look at his stats in the last finals, and look at his playoffs stats every year, then get back to me with your laugh. I am not sure where to put Carmelo, I think he could replace Paul…but not sure.

Now the problem for the rest of the league is that on that list of 5, 2 have players on their team that can at any given month be in the top 25 players in the league. Kobe has Gasol and Odom. Duncan has Ginobli and Parker. Lebron has a bunch of scrubs (Boobie it pains me to say this, but you have to be more consistent to rise above the scrub label) and a maybe in Mo Williams. Chris Paul has a decent supporting staff, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that pieces are missing and that maybe he is not quite the leader he needs to be, yet. Dwight Howard has a bunch of adequate shooters surrounding him and a ton of players with that immeasurable statistic, Heart!

So in the finals if we looked solely at stars it would be Kobe – Gasol – Odom – D Fish’s knees - over-rated Bynum – Ariza and some mixture of Walton/Brown/and 24 more fouls to give vs. Dwight Howard – Hedo – Rafer Alston (Skip to my Lou) – possibly Jameer Nelson (I listed Rafer first because of health) and a bunch of players that at this stage are just interchangeable.

So on paper it really should be the Lakers, most of the players on Orlando would struggle to make the Lakers playoff roster yet, Orlando has looked like the more impressive team, how come? I say it must be D Ho!

Point to anyone in this league that can guard him; the only physical presence similar to his is Shaq and Shaq lacks his athleticism. If he is allowed to play free of the simplistic fouls that have plagued him, he could systematically destroy the Lakers front line. The greatest mystery to me of these playoffs is the fact that Anderson Varajo did not foul out every game in the first half.

D Ho has the power of Shaq, the athleticism of Lebron, the shooting touch of Vlade Divac and unfortunately the ball handling skills of a first day porn star. If he improves his handle and his shooting touch he will be unstoppable. Have I mentioned that his free throws have improved to the point that a team cannot risk adopting the hack-a-Dwight strategy?

Kobe will get his points, no one in the league is truly a Kobe Stopper, I am looking at you Ruben Patterson, if you are even still in the league. But I suspect the strategy will have to be to try to contain Kobe while shutting down the rest of the Lakers. Lakers fans will hate hearing this but I love seeing D Fish shoot, if he is out there jacking up shots it means that one less reliable Laker has a chance to touch the ball, “shoot Fish shoot”. The wild card as it almost always is; is Odom. Gasol is guaranteed to be consistent, he will get his points, he will get his rebounds, we will all call him soft but he will do the job he is supposed to do. But, Odom, Odom might average 24/11 or he might disappear and turn in 12/6 performances all series.

Odom is basically part of the beauty of sports and why predictions are so difficult…until the game is actually played you cannot really know what is going to happen. Detroit can beat LA when Shaq and Kobe were already being fitted for their rings. Mine that Bird can win the Derby as a 50-1 underdog; while a filly that was not even in the race goes on to win the next leg of the Triple Crown. A tiny island known more for reggae music than sports can sweep the sprints at the Olympics and take the spotlight from a pot-smoker that floats in a pool. And Superman might decide to put on his cape and deliver some Magic in the NBA finals.

Suicide Jumper Pushed...awesome?

2009-05-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

Suicide Jumper Pushed

When you get a chance look at the photos, after the guy pushed him she saluted...that is pretty crazy. I know this is not PC to say, but I completely understand why the guy pushed him. I would not do it, but I understand. Traffic in SD was once snarled for 3 hours because some guy wanted to jump off the bridge...What if I had had a job interview, what if I was rushing my wife to the hospital? Because of your selfishness everyone else's life has to be troubled?

Why must there have to be some showy suicide? If you are just killing yourself to free yourself from debt, why the need for others to see your path/progression?

Again, I do not agree with the guy pushing him off the bridge but wow, can I empathize.

What is funny is that the guy is still badly in debt and now probably has to pay a mint in fines, restitution and hospital bills, almost makes you want to kill yourself...oh oops!

As much as I hate showing Kobe love...player not beef

2009-05-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

This was a sick play, passing to yourself to beat the defender will always earn respect

That said, he should get suspended for that elbow he threw to Artest's neck

...but he wont

Apparently Davidson kids cannot stay on a beat and Steph Curry should never rap

2009-05-07T00:24:00.001-07:00

I give them credit for getting this many kids together to do something fun...but they get a failing grade for the video (see that, I did a bad pun too, give me some Asher Roth cheddar).

Happy Birthday

2009-05-04T00:47:00.000-07:00

Jackie, you are crazy, and a pint sized bundle of issues, but you make me laugh, so I let you live.

cras amet qui nunquam amavit; quique amavit, cras amet

Funny Video of extreme coaching

2009-05-01T14:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a coach has to do whatever he can to get through to his players. The coach of the Bahrain football team thinking that his goalie was not focused enough, replaced the goal with the player's brand new SUV and made him have to try and stop balls from hitting it.
Enjoy

Main reason is to see how this looks

2009-04-29T14:25:00.001-07:00

Obama first 100 days address

MLK on auto tune, better than Kanye

2009-04-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

So I found this today on the 2dopeboyz site. Someone was very creative. I see some on the net find it offensive, I however just view it as another way to get Dr. King's message out there. And damn...it took some skill sinking this sucker up, pay attention when the backup singers kick in

Quadruple Amputee competes in MMA...spoiler, he LOSES!

2009-04-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

Look I am all for equal opportunity, and I am pretty sure that limbless this guy would still beat me to a pulp BUT there is one major problem, I am not MMA trained talent. This guy is going in with a severe handicap (not the pun, nor the physical condition, just the fact) that is impossible to overcome.

Often you will see boxers try to compete fights after breaking a hand throwing a punch and you often see it costing them the fight, but there they still had the use of a hand and the ability to dance from punches. This guy has NO arms and NO legs.

Read the link and you will find that he was not even allowed to throw punches because the gloves could not stay on his appendage (is it still a punch if you do not have arms?).

Much love and credit to this guy for overcoming his disability, but this is just not safe and to me too much of a spectacle to be enjoyable...oh and it definitely hurts MMA's credibility.

And in case you cared I am picking Manny over Ricky Hatton this saturday, but I will definitely be singing "There's only one, Ricky Hatton" while watching the fight cause I LOVE that song.

Thank you for Being a Friend, R.I.P. Bea

2009-04-25T14:26:00.001-07:00

Bea Arthur died today.

I love Bea Arthur, in fact I loved the Golden Girls. Many guys act like they cannot say something like that, but sensible people know that, that show was a great slice of Americana. The ensemble cast was brilliant and Bea was a shining star in the midst of all that talent.

She along with the others brought an empowered female cast to television and showed that women could be 'sexy' without having to flaunt their sexuality.

I will miss you Bea

Hillary Clinton: Welcome To The Chocolate City - Hillary Clinton

2009-04-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi IS A PIMP, Don't believe me? Check the link...I want that suit!

Jezebel - Hillary Clinton: Welcome To The Chocolate City - Hillary Clinton: "Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi"

For the Love of Ray J season finale...live blog, I cannot help it

2009-04-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

So this is one of those nights, when the crucial question: Should I go work out or watch reality programming? Guess which one I picked!

For the Love of Ray J starts out with him telling the 3 left that he is going to go meet their families, this causes one of the girls to have a panic attack. I do not have to even tell you which one it is, let me just say this, there are 3 girls and one of them has a tattoo of a panther on her face!!! Hmm wonder who panicked when her hometown peeps are going to be met.

Seriously, you have a BIG CAT tattoo on your face (should I also tell you that as soon as this show wrapped she became pregnant for another dude...yes I should). She also confessed during the show to having sex with one maybe 2 of Ray J's homies..."Danger she smashed a homie" should be a hit song.

Hmm bit of a curve ball here, Ray J is sending Danger home (tattoo face chick) I wonder if VH1 just did not want to spend money on 3 trips home. I do love that even though he is sending her home she says "I do know that Ray loves me" then intimates something to the fact that even though I am sent home and if he picks someone else..."he is still coming back to me". Uh, ok!

Cut to a KFC add with CHEFS talking about how good KFC chicken is...at first that seems ridiculous then I think about the fact that I am a bloody good cook and I LOVE KFC...but I am wary of this grilled KFC, I once had their grilled chicken and I think my old roomie probably still remembers my complaints about the horribleness of that chicken.

"This Fool is wearing a white Fur Coat" those were my first words coming out of commercial...nuff said. Isn't this show filmed in LA? I know he might be heading to somewhere cold but while in LA..."I think I love you" Ooooooh Unique dropped the L word, and then trips exiting the stairs of the Jet, I somehow feel like they are both related.

I really like that he nicknames the girls then gives the nicknames, nicknames!

Ray looks a little intimidated by Unique's mom...punk! OH DAMN, Unique's mom just asked if her daughter was a "hit it and quit it" then when Ray says he has not hit it, the mom asks "What's wrong with her, why you aint go after it?" I think I like this woman. Plus the fact that it is a mixed marriage is already cool with me.

So he meets Cocktail's family and the first thing they do as a family is TAKE SHOTS...no shock this Chick's name is Cocktail...but damn the girl is fine, I will be fine with the alcoholism. Not gonna lie, that dinner looks damn fine, they even have goat. This uncultured fool lives in LA and does not know how to pronounce Mole????? I like Cocktail's brother dude knows what's up, he immediately asks Ray J, how the girls are, that is right...keep it real homie!

Off to Vegas...because you know everytime I want to see if something is 'true love' I take it to 'Sin City'. So Cocktail (note I nearly shortened her name then realized...not a good idea) calls Unique ugly but funnily enough this is actually the hottest she has looked in awhile, I am actually feeling her right now.

I think Unique is suffering from diarrhea of the mouth, she is confessing to things that you should never confess on your 'final date' things like I did not like you until last night...just a thought

And yup here it comes the invitation to the room, and shockingly...she accepts. If you thought she was going to say no to the 'alone time' I have only one thing to say to you, wear a helmet when walking around. Yup it is the straddle lap and kiss move, always a classic...Didn't this happen with Kim Kardashian? I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

A random aside, it is 88 bloody degrees and I LIVE BY THE BEACH, damn you global warming!

Hmm an Ad for the new New York show, looks like crap, I will watch it, I will not pretend.

Time for Unique to take the walk of shame, hehe, who does not love that moment? Thank goodness I did not live on dorm ;) Looks like unique has lost weight during the show, not a bad thing.

Damn Cocktails dress is amazing and by amazing I mean short and skin tight. Damn my knee is killing me, not exactly related to the show, but I feel like you should know this. Haha she called him a rapper and he became offended...dude, chill, just be happy you make rapper money.

Oh crap we have hit the one hour mark and this show is still on, I wish I had this on DVR, thank goodness I have scrabble games, and Deadspin going on at the same time, I cannot justify just sitting here blogging this show without other activities at the same time. Though today's DUAN article is not that hot.

So in Ray's room there are a bunch of Lingerie outfits for Cocktail to try on, strange I did not see this when Unique was up there...methinks something is up! There is a stripper pole in the shower, need I say more? I think so, she seems quite what is the word...'professional' on that pole. Hmm did Kim Kardashian do this...I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Hahah the room service guy calls Ray J, Mr. J., I love it after all what do you call someone that just uses J at the end of their name, no seriously Aaron D. wants to know.

The girls get to try on outfits for the elimination, I always like the anxiety that this part brings because I always wonder, does the Dress at this last moment sway the choice? Like he goes in there thinking, "This is the girl I want to marry...What the Hell is she wearing? Ok I change my mind"

We now get the necessary clips of Ray staring out into space as he considers who to choose.

Another quick Aside, Deadspin is reporting that Condoleezza Rice inquired into joining the HBO Real Sports' team, man I like Condy!

So he picks Cocktail, I could have predicted this at the start of the epi, but oh well. I really do love that at the end of the show when a girl is eliminated they then reveal her real name...like we care. Am I ever going to remember that Unique's real name is Danielle or will I always just think of her as Unique? Well I guess if I remember her at all it will be as Unique of course.

Looks like Ray will be eating more goat.

"...that's love and I think I found it" wow strong words of assurance there Ray!

--I hate myself

Hostage at Sangster Airport in JAMAICA!!!!

2009-04-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

Go Jamaica :: Hostage at Sangster Airport :: News

Yes I put Jamaica in Caps because I would never have believed this could happen. Bit ironic that this has happened just a few weeks after this video was all the rage on the net...

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia

2009-04-19T15:40:00.000-07:00

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia

You know everyone mocked Samuel L. when he did 'Snakes on a Plane' but see, he was a visionary, or as he would yell it: "I'M A MUTHAF@#%ING VISIONARY".

A recap of Idol recap night...just for Erin since she is stuck at work!

2009-04-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

Idol starts like it is a promo for a movie, complete with flashy fire graphics and sped up movements. They even did background interviews with the singers. Then cut to Seacrest with his back to the audience a sudden turn around and..."THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL" One has to wonder how dorky he feels doing that, or does he take himself too seriously to realize that he looks like a goof?

We are told that Miley Cyrus will perform and the crowd goes nuts, then we are told that Jennifer Hudson will also be there and they cut to shots of members of the audience who are clearly too old to be there.

Paula is sitting up ram-rod straight...the meds are awesome tonight and so is the bustier that she is wearing...the ladies are out to party tonight and by ladies I mean her golden globes, her emmys, her cleos (yup I just named 3 awards that she will never win).

An idol music video for Ford, which has the Idols murdering Freeze Frame while appearing on the covers of various made up magazines...oh and at the very end showing the car, there might want to be some revision done here. I had no idea it was a car ad until the last minute.

Time for group sing...Kris, flirts with Kara, she flirts back, she clearly did not hear about Paula and Cory and the scandal of a few years ago. I continue to believe that the Idol Stylists hate Allison. Is it any coincidence that now that Scott (the visually impaired guy) is gone the idollettes are allowed to raom all around the stage, the balcony, and the judges platform. Oh lil Rounds, so much promise in that voice, so little delivery. Watching the Idols try to dance and sing at the same time is almost painful, I keep expecting someone to trip and swallow a mic.

I am supposed to go see a reggae band later tonight, not sure I can do that anymore, my music appreciation has been shot to pieces.

There is now a clip of the Idols going to watch the new Zac Effron movie, sadly thanks to peeps like Matt, Danny and Adam, Zac Effron might be the manliest person there! How bad a movie is something going to be if the ads make you want to scratch your eyeballs out? Bit weird to hear Adam talk about liking the Cheerleaders, then they cut to a clip of the Cheerleaders in the movie being snarky...whew for a second I thought I was going to have to review my guesses about him.

Time to build the bottom 3...Allison is first up to have Ryan play the safe or not game: this poor girl at 16 sounds like a 70 year old 2 pack a day smoker...and she is safe (I know I have been advocating purple for a year...but those purple pants she has on are hideous)
Adam...thinks Rocky Horror Picture show is a great movie, yup yup, guesses still safe...SAFE, but you already knew that

Anoop...this kid is yet to wear a jacket I like, am I old or is he a bad dresser? I vote for him being a bad dresser...Ryan lingers, draws out the moment and places Anoop in the bottom 3 for the 3rd straight week! Cut to commercials, have to get that Ford money.

They make mention that Jennifer Hudson is the only idol FINALIST to win an Academy Award, note they stress finalist because they cannot say Idol winner, they also are quick to hide the fact that she was NOT voted into the top 12 but had to be brought back as a wild card...oh Idol you tricksters. She placed 7th in her season, comes on to sing tonight and shows that none of the current contestants would be worthy enough to run her bath water! Her performance ends and she and Ryan engage in some light banter that is just well frankly it is annoying, no wonder this show runs over every time.

Anoop pulls the I don't vote the judges don't vote card, they cut to Paula and she of course is doing something silly with Simon...If she becomes pregnant by Simon I would not be shocked. Wait a minute, Anoop does not vote? If I were a contestant on the show, my fingers would be raw from voting for myself all night (or for the 2 hour window).

Both Kris and Lil are made to stand up Lil is wearing a green dress and green eye shadow, St paddys day is here again! Ryan toys with Kris, but he is safe...one of these days someone will punch him out...I hope I get to see it on the west coast feed.

Matt and Danny are standing up together, Danny looks like he is trying to puff his chest out. Do we need to wait for Ryan on this one or should Matt just walk straight to the stools? No way does the 'Dead wife card' fail this early in the season! The judges that did not get to talk last night keep commenting about the people they did not get to talk about last night (what was the point of not letting them just waste our time and talk last night?).

Kara is this the bottom 3? "I love them but yes"
Paula? She starts to ramble my brother talks over her, I miss all of Paula, I suspect I missed nothing.

Anoop gets saved and sent back early...now down to Rounds and Matt. Oh and Miley Cyrus, she cannot get voted off, but oh how I wish she could be. If I sit through her upcoming performance it will be the first time I have heard her sing past 20seconds. Sorry, I just cannot stand her speaking voice and it leaks into her singing.

Cyrus has an elaborate set, and she is wearing an evening gown, I do not like this, she is dressed like a much older girl, the whole thing just feels exploitative and yup her voice still gets to me. She stretches her arms up and out, it might be a Celine Dion tribute, but instead all I fear is a wardrobe malfunction. Were that to happen and leak online teenage fan boys would probably melt the internet. Where is Billy Ray? I did not know Miley could do something without him showing up, is that ok, did she break loose? This performance is so creepy. Simon does not look enthused at the performance, I suspect my face looks the same.

Simon is asked if he would consider using his save tonight..."there might be one we would consider saving and it might surprise them" Ryan then asks if that means it is Lil, Simon says you will have to wait and see...color me surprised or should I class it up and say Quelle Surprise?

I take the commercial break to watch Soul Plane 2 (relax it is just a Boondocks spoof and not a crime about to be perpetrated on the American public)

Ryan does his douche bag trick of calling the persons name saying he is "sorry you will have to endure the competition a little longer"...Lil you are safe!
An aside Dial Idol had such a wide range of possibilities that they had everyone BUT Gokey in danger of going home.

Kara is dancing enthusiastically as Matt sings for his life, she waves at him, and sings alongside him...there really might be a scandal to come of this somewhat bland season.

The Judges have a decision, Simon asks how many times Matt has been in the bottom 3 and tells him that he does not see him as having any chance of winning the competition, the judges argue with each other, and yell at Simon for saying that, but then Simon says... "Matt, it is good news". The other Idols hug him. I think they have forgotten that 2 people now have to go home next week AND he is part of their competition...idiots.

Next week is disco night...I kid you not, Idol has decided to play to its Audience, you know that Audience that was born FIFTEEN years after Disco was relevant!!!

The idolettes all form a circle and perform a celebratory jig because a competitor is back...I am off to eat cookies cause maybe I will die faster that way!