Can a Jamaican take Cali?

Happy MLK Jr. day 2012!

2012-01-16T13:41:00.000-08:00

Oh Dr. King your sacrifice got us greater racial equality (we are close but not all the way there yet) and a holiday! I sadly suspect more peeps are grateful for the holiday now than the equality.

I wish you were still around to see (and since you are famous probably meet) Tim Tebow. He is this amazing phenomenon (for an average football player) that dominates sports headlines and pop culture.

He is a slower Michael Vick, a less accurate Vince Young, a weaker Warren Moon, a less dynamic Randall Cunningham, he isn't even as gifted as Rodney Peete seriously don't laugh Rodney Peete was "drafted by the Toronto Blue Jays out of high school, and the Oakland Athletics and Detroit Tigers while in college" per wikipedia (grain of salt added for taste).

Tim Tebow just lacks something all of the above players had...

But because it is your day Dr. King I will go with some 'equality' and point out that Tebow is no more religious than Kurt Warner, or Steve Young or Ray Lewis (if you want to go non-Qb).

He has captured imaginations while giving fodder to both sides of any argument that involves discussing his skills. He will look absolutely incompetent for 58.5 minutes of a game that only last 60 minutes and then for just that last minute and a half engineer a drive that will win the game! Seriously Dr. King he will only be good for 2.5% of the time he is doing his 'job' and yet get praised like he was the best player ever. I cannot imagine a doctor botching a surgery so badly that at the end of it all he manages to do is save my life while costing me a limb or 2 then he gets praised for his life saving abilities!

He replaced a guy called Kyle Orton who is a much more accurate passer than Tebow ever was or probably ever will be yet somehow could not ever win with the same team that Tebow now wins with.

Many are beginning to believe in the unbelievable because they cannot explain the 'lucky' coincidences in his wins. They refuse to consider things like small sample size (where if one looks at the fact that Tebow has only played a few games is woefully inaccurate and has a bad QB rating, over time he would be more likely to lose more than he would win), or the joy of scheduling that placed the Broncos up against incompetent teams and teams that did not make the playoffs during Tebow's win streak. They ignore things like; when Tebow went up against Orton (yest the QB he replaced) in a virtual must win game for the Broncos he lost! Of course divine intervention stepped in and the Raiders who could have kept Tebow out of the playoffs lost too...

Divine intervention, yes sir you heard me correctly people now think that God is interested enough in American Football games to intervene in John Elway's teams games. Oh did I not mention that? Yup the same team that John Elway captained to 2 super bowls and also is now the Exec VP of has a fan base that believes so firmly in Tebow that they are comparing him to Elway and...Elway is not always coming out favourably. But do not just take my theories for fact, check out this poll and this article in USA Today.

The breakdown amuses me
Among ethnic groups, the Hispanic/Latino demographic was the biggest believer, with 81.3% saying yes. Among African-Americans, 59.5% said yes, and for whites it was 38.3%.
Politcally speaking, 54.2% of Republicans said yes, as did 38.2% of Democrats and 35.1% of independent voters.
...wonder why that is.

The thing about it is...almost every athlete after a good performance praises God so I cannot imagine he has chosen to favour Tim and his left hand. (Vick is a lefty too and the religious Steve Young just saying). And let me give a little plug to Ken Stabler a great lefty that too few show love to.

Yes Dr. King on this day when I think of you, I just wonder what you would think of the hype surrounding this (insert colour here) Quarterback.

What is weird though Dr. King, is that while I am not a fan of Tebow and I hate the hype around him, I am starting to feel sorry for him because no player, no QB white, black, hispanic or any colour could live up to the burden that fanatic fans and media personalities are placing on him. And certainly no one with mediocre skills.

Oh one more thing Dr. King (no one ever calls you Martin do they?) in a rare display an athlete named Stevie Johnson actually blamed God for a loss so of course it made news. He did it on Twitter which is a micro blogging site that will for years to come cause severe cases of foot in mouth disease. If you could still do it I would tell you to follow my friend @swalloween. Anyway here is Stevie's tweet after he dropped a pass in an OT game. "I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO..."

Enjoy the rest of the day, in a display of unity I am about to go meet my white friend, pick up my Persian friend and then go to the Asian grocery store so we can cook some Italian food later.

Best,

Cali J.

I envy my friends 'S' and 'Y' so much right now.

2011-11-19T02:45:00.001-08:00

They are both passed out on the couch together (even though I offered an air mattress) meanwhile I am in my expensive-luxury pillow top bed and I cannot fall asleep. We were all out dancing and they practically fell asleep as soon as they sat down…wish that could be me. I have slept 5 hours out of the last 72 so really I should be bloody exhausted. But of course I am not. Broke up a chick fight tonight, that was fun, the even funnier part was my kicking the girl that started it out of the club as if I were a bouncer, and her following it!

Real Time Food Experiment: World series burgers...and chasing a dog down the street

2011-10-23T23:42:00.000-07:00

So I have been craving burgers and there are no burgers as good as home-made burgers so while the game is on I will live blog my experiment. For these burgers I am going to use ground beef AND ground pork

I am carmelizing onions - one medium white onion chopped into rings, cooked in 1tbs oil 1tsp bacon grease on medium, sprinkled over a tsp of sugar turned it down low and let it carmelize over 30 minutes. Shook the onions out put a tsp oil in pan.

To same pan that had onions and now oil I added 2 cloves finely chopped garlic and a chopped stalk of scallion (medium heat) to this I added a 1/3lb ground pork and browned very slightly with an added tsp of dehydrated onion. In a 1/2 cup measure I added 2 tbs balsamic vinegar, 1tbs soy sauce then filled to the top with water, added that to the pan and cooked for 5 minutes. Set aside to cool completely!

About 4 innings into the game: Rangers still up 1-0 (I really hate the Cardinals hope Texas wins this) I add the cooled ground pork mix to a bowl of 3/4lbs ground beef, a 1/4tsp of garlic powder, 1/2 tsp of chili powder, 1/4tsp black pepper, 1tsp Worcestershire sauce (I suspect I spelled that wrong) and a pinch of salt (seriously peeps just a pinch soy sauce already has salt). Formed 4 patties (they are moist, which makes sense since high water content in pork mix) now debating broiling or pan frying...Bottom of 4th inning and Joe Buck just called Zoey Deschanel a subtle actress (not sure what he means because I am yet to see a subtle performance from her).

While I wait for my decision, I am making the 'special' sauce aka mayo, spicy brown mustard, ketchup, ranch in a 1;1;2;1 ration. This will be spread on both buns then topped with the carmelized onions with the burger in the middle...man I hope this tastes good, especially since I just wrote a blog about it without tasting it.

I was tempted to make my own hamburger buns and if my company shows up maybe I will, it just sounds impressive I suspect it is easy.

And then this happened. It was the 5th inning and I figured I would go for a quick 1 mile run knowing that I would be back in time to see the next inning and I wanted to help my roomie out by taking the dog out for a quick run since he had been trapped indoors all day. Well that turned into a fiasco; 2 blocks from home the dog slipped his harness and TOOK OFF. My Run Keeper app told me that the dog and I spent 1 hour 20 minutes and 5 miles chasing each other up and down the streets of downtown. I say chasing each other, since to keep the dog from running into traffic I often had to make him think it was a game and chase me...the dog is NOT street wise! At one point he sat in the middle of the road while the light was red and cars were massing, then when the light changed to green he remained there as I ran up the block to get to him. Then since I did not want to spook him into potential cross traffic I had to slowly approach while yelling at the cars that were blowing there horns at him and me!

Good times!

But the bonus is, baseball is so slow that when I got back it was just the EIGHT inning...you have to love it. And the rangers won.

By the time I was back I was too hungry and tired to wait for the oven to pre-heat so I just pan fried the burgers and...THEY WERE DELICIOUS, TOP FIVE EVER. But of course I have to wonder if part of that was due to my extreme hunger by that point.

I guess my friends can tick me off to point that I almost get a ticket

2011-09-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Last night I almost got a ticket for driving the wrong way on a One-way street. I talked my way out of the ticket. Robin claims that I was only able to do that because the cop was a lady, Yau added the colour of her skin. I claim it was my charm (maybe a bit to do with the voice).

So here is the thing. I turned the wrong way for a variety of reasons; the sign detailing that it was a one way street had been damaged and turned at a bad angle, if I had been as diligent as I normally am I would have spotted it but I was not at my best so I missed it.
I was distracted because one friend had yelled at me for not following her directions, then yelled again when I chose not to park where she wanted me to park.
Then on top of that I had to listen to the 2 kids in the back that had already annoyed me with their inability to keep it down when I was on the phone then when Robin was on the phone break into childhood songs loudly and OFFKEY. Trust me there is nothing worse than 2 people singing badly and at the top of their lungs when you are already peeved.

So I hit my breaking and braking point in that I was so frustrated that I slammed on the brakes flipped on the indicator and turned where I should not have turned! Right into the path of a cop. I am still surprised I talked my way out of the ticket and I am glad I asked her if she was giving me a ticket when she said "ok sit tight I am going to my car" if I had just assumed that she was just going to check my id she would have come back with a ticket and by that point it would have been too late.

Even though you know you have no warrants out...waiting for those agonizing few minutes while a cop runs your id to make sure is agonizing. What adds to the anxiety is hearing your friend loudly tell the bouncer at the door across from you car "I am here with the criminal" (which by the way is a bloody funny line...but scary while the cop is checking to see if you need to be locked up).

So yeah, I blew my lid and still somehow survived...luckily. What is funny is that I can see how movies influence our thought processes: At one point in the drive I imagined driving off a cliff jumping out at the last minute and still hoping I would have the dexterity and speed to turn around and hit the door lock button to trap my passengers so that they would hit the water...I did not want them dead, just a bit panicked and soaked.

Thank goodness frustration does not lead me to drinking because that would have been one sloppy Taco Tuesday!

This song fits:

My bicycle is faster than your bike!

2011-08-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

As I often say you have to make the little things make you smile.
So riding back from the gym I was very, very sore; not the regular sore like "yeah I feel good I am sore cause I worked out like a monster". Nope I was sore like injured sore. A little background: On Monday while watching TV and staring at my roomies ab-roller it occurred to me that since I was just sitting there and it was just sitting there I might as well just use it. So throughout the movie I did 1000 situps and 50 bicycle kicks. No exaggeration at all in that number that is what I did. My original target was 100 situps and 50 bicycle kicks but the ab-roller made it so damn easy I just kept going and once I hit the 600 mark I decided I had to get to a 1000.

Well once I hit the 1k mark I pretty much lay there bit sore bit tired not too bad. Then I went to the gym yesterday (Wednesday) just 2 days later. Did a great back work out, figured hey "remember on monday when you said you would do 25 situps a night, well you skipped yesterday so use the ab roller here and do a 100". Well I think my brain was trying to protect me on Tuesday by making me skip that night! Once I got on the ab roller I felt sore. But of course I am a guy so hey "sore is good right?" I did a set of 20, felt harder than I expected. Put the legs up higher did a set of 30, sore, not too bad...did a set of 25 and started gasping...take a longer rest, no need to sit up straight. Did the 'final' set of 25 and got to 19 and then nearly started crying in the gym. My abs locked up and felt like someone had stabbed me in the lower abdominal. I grabbed the railing forced myself to a sitting position trying to 'look cool' cause really I could not have anyone at the gym thinking I had just hurt myself on an AB-MACHINE (I mean to be fair if I saw someone suddenly look like they were in pain I would chuckle too).

So I sat on the machine taking deep breaths trying to calm my body cause I really really wanted to cry out in pain and to look like I wasn't just sitting there (and really I was because I could NOT get up) I just kept bobbing my head as if listening to music while really on my ipod was the Tony Kornheiser show which is TALK radio. But damn it if I was not going to pose like I was a G! I started to have horror thoughts of having to take my phone and call down to the front desk and beg them to have a trainer come and lift me off the damn machine. Thankfully after a minute the abs calmed down enough for me to get up slowly and walk down to the locker room. And then the thought of horror hit me...I still had to ride home and if you are a rider you know YOUR ABS ARE ENGAGED WHILE RIDING.

So I unlock the bike (while wearing my new sparkly shorts) and I want to say hop on but really I leaned the bike so low to the ground that the seat was by my knees, then rolled on to it by using the curb to boost myself on. Then I start riding home! If anyone had tracked me they would have cracked up. I kept alternatively saying "Ow, Ow, Ow" and "Damn it I should just push this" sometimes hit with "Bloody THREE MILES!" So anytime I came to a stoplight if no car was in my lane I would just keep doing small turns in the lane rather than trying to lean over and put a foot down cause I was that sore. If a car was there I would actually ride up to the sign and lean on it with my shoulder just so I would not have to put my foot down.

While at one of the lights this guy with a motorcycle pulls up into my lane and revs his bike! So I look at him and he revs it again. So I did the only sensible think I clicked both brake handles 'click click' since that is pretty much the only sound you can make on a bicycle looked straight at him and yelled "You wanna race?". He looked at me like I was crazy revs again and I yelled "Guess that is a yes!" He revs, the light goes green and he PEELS OUT! I slowly push down on the pedals and start laughing...then immediately regret it because: Yup you guessed it LAUGHING USES YOUR ABS

"Why yes that sliver of glass came out of my heel, why do you ask?"

2011-08-14T20:06:00.000-07:00

That was the only cheeky response I could give the roomie when he picked up a sliver of glass with blood on it, 3 rooms away from where the glass from a bottle had decided to invade my body through the bottom of my heel.

Background: We had a dinner party, there was a tonne of stuff in the refrigerator because as invariably happens things keep getting shoved in to the cooler. So late in the night I opened the refrigerator only to see a bottle start to spiral to the floor in what felt like slow motion. I grabbed for it but had the closing refrigerator door hit my hand so the bottle fell to the floor and as bottles filled with liquid tend to do, it shattered everywhere; with me stuck in the middle of the kitchen BARE FOOT. I tried to pick up everything immediately visible around me before even taking a step.

Grabbed a towel and mopped up all the liquid pushing it away from me hoping that while I was drying I was moving any shards away. Felt like I had gotten it all. Took a gingerly steps to the sink to drop the towel in there and hope that I was safe. Still no pain. But one knows you can never be too sure so now that the floor was dry of all the liquid I started to walk to the closet door to get the broom and wouldn't you know it there were bloody footprints! Yup not only had I gotten cut I had gotten cut badly enough that I was bleeding profusely enough to leave bloody prints.

So I had to limp to the bathroom to get cleaned up, then decided to go upstairs to get bandages. Apparently after my initial clean up I was still shedding glass shards (hence the roomie finding a piece). So while the party was going on I was further inspecting my heel and then bandaging it...then back to the party because after all we all have to rally.

Problem is, the next morning I woke up to a stinging heel. Went to the doctor's office and was told that the wait would be 2 hours so I went home and decided to play operation. Just like my old days when my parents would allow me to take care of the sick puppies (and I knew I was good because I am pretty sure my parents cared more about the dogs than me). So I grabbed forceps, a syringe, a scalpel (alright I might as well confess - I took a few debriding kits from the hospital from my days when I worked there) and went to work on my heel. Turns out that I had a very thin but very long piece of glass buried deep in my heel, which meant I had to slightly cut the heel and go in to get it.

What sucks about getting cut in the heel is that pretty much every footstep leads to bleeding. So I have been changing bandages every few hours, but at least the wound is clean, there is no sign of infection and I did not have to sit in a doctors office for 2 hours to have them over charge me to do the same thing I was able to do for myself. I guess the only major difference is that I cannot write myself a prescription for any 'great' drugs but I would not have taken them anyways so I saved myself some time and money and got the realize that I still got it!

And what of my working out you might ask yourself...yes I am still working out with the cut heel, just no running (aka elliptical because hahaha come on really) just riding the bike to the gym and weight lifting!

"I think that cop is following us...nope he is going past: us"

2011-08-06T04:20:00.000-07:00

On the way home about a dozen cop cars screamed past us chasing a guy that I do not think was going to make it to the finish line because the cops were either going to shut down the highway or surround the car they were closing in so rapidly.

I have not blogged in awhile, long time readers will realize that I do not blog well when angry. So since I have been really angry for the past week I have not blogged much.

I am still iffy about going out in Downtown LA. Many of the so called cool spots are cool because of their locale (top floors on high rises) or because of their trappings/settings (like the Edison). Many of the spots with great music are absolutely thuggish and while by myself I am not worried about going into such places, going with my female friends seems a bit risky.

Is there any more simple yet impressive task that feels so satisfying as swatting an annoying fly mid-flight?

You need rest for your muscles to grow...vol 2.434353

2011-08-01T01:45:00.000-07:00

So I hear that title all the time, from body builders to casual guys at the gym to my own doctor. Well here is what I have done since benching on Friday evening: slept 4 hours Friday night, worked out Saturday morning, went to the V-ball tourney, slept 3 hours, did cardio, went to the Reggae Show (Marleys) now I am going to be up in 4 hours to head to court...let's hope that is enough time for the muscle growth...

At least tonight is just legs at the gym

Sooooo uhmm thanks for giving me attitude when I called you while I was stumbling around Hermosa Beach

2011-07-31T00:25:00.000-07:00

It has been a long day. Another awesome 6 man tourney another year where I have seen zero games. But I called my ex while I was on my cane and lugging luggage through the streets of HB and received statitude. I would have felt bad for the fact that I woke her up except she was immediately hostile to me...I do not get it. I guess I am still the idiot for thinking we can be peaceful

WATCHING YOUR older friends flirt on facebook is like seeing your parents kiss, yes there is nothing inherently wrong with it, but it just does NOT LOOK right...you know who you are!

Hey chica, fight it all u want...everyone succombs

I slapped people with a cutlass...never beheaded a man - did not think that would be a 'thing'

2011-07-25T14:58:00.000-07:00

Ok this is a short one, cause my heart hurts for my people.
A gang back home has started doing BEHEADINGS, yes that had to be capitalized the dog-heart bastards have made this a thing! The level of depravity to do something like that shocks me. It shocks me when it is done as part of religious fanaticism but it shocks me more when it is done to send a bloody message (at least with the religion I sigh and chalk it up to people can be convinced to do anything in the name of God/Allah/Buddha/Love)

Jamaica has had 4 beheadings in 5 days...let that sink in...still with me? Not 1 in the last 5 days, not 2 spread out over 5 days no 4 in 5. Look I hate writing bad things about back home, we thrive on tourism so to be fair I often gloss over any violence especially since violence touches the tourist areas so infrequently as to make a statement like "Tourists are NEVER touched in Jamaica" be as close to a true statement as water is wet. So while this does not affect the tourists, it affects MY people and it hurts me. Fourth death article

For now we should be grateful that American news media has not latched on to this (small comfort) but if we do not eradicate them dog heart fassy dem we will soon be looking at Fox news slamming us for our lawless state.

When I was a kid, we had tonnes of fruit trees in our property, in fanciful American real estate puffery it would have been listed as an orchard to drive up property value, for us it was known as the "Mango, cashew, banana, avocado, guava, guinep trees weh mi haffi rake up di leaf dem". But because of this bounty, thieves would often step into our yard despite the presence of viscous guard dogs and a fearsome 5 ft 2 inch skinny black kid weighing about 85lbs and holding a cutlass. I wish I had a picture of the time when I stood under the mango tree surrounded by 7 German Shepherds holding a rusty cutlass yelling up into the center at a thief who was begging me to 'tek the dog dem weh man so mi cyan climb down the damn tree and leff'' while I with my voice cracking yelled back 'fling down di bag a mango and mi will let u leff' (as a kid I always thought patois made me sound more intimidating...really should have realized the 7 dogs [less the cutlass] did that for me).

The dogs were wonderfully trained and would actually listen to me (I cooked them their food after all [outside with them waiting], they knew not to bite the hand that fed them...literally). I told them to sit and they would sit. So the guy in the tree saw me tell them to sit starts to climb down and I did the only practical vigilante justice thing someone holding a cutlass and in the presence of someone who wanted to rob them would do...I SWUNG. But because I am not some insane thug or someone who wants to ever actually maim another I hit him flush with the flat side of the cutlass across the buttocks and lower back. Which of course caused him to lose his grip on the tree, yelp and fall to the ground. Problem for him was that reanimated the dogs so back up the tree he scampered. Short form of the story, he stayed up there an hour while I stayed under the tree till my mom came home and she finally made me lock up the dogs while the dutty boy ran fi him life.

I tell you that story because it is funny and illustrative; just because I had an instrument of death did not mean I had to use it as such, I merely taught the man a lesson, I never saw it as something to remove a body part. No matter how mad at thieves I was, I never swung my cutlass to cut, but these guys are wilfully going into situations to remove body parts...Lawd I pray fi mi country tek care a all a wi!

Selah

Who drinks another man's drink and then confronts him about it? and Happy Birthday Viv

2011-06-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

Last night out for Vivian's birthday we went to a college-esque bar. Believe me NOT my choice. In fact when told that we were heading there I voiced my dissent and included the words "really" and "are you sure?". The night progressed, I found the music loud and grating (alas I am old) and the crowd oppressive young kids more comfortable with bumping into you and spilling drinks than with walking around you.

But regardless of all that I was fine (once there) till late into the night, these people sat at our table...rude, but hey it was a crowded bar so we let it slide. Then I noticed they started sipping our drinks. Yes, you read that right, the guy and the girl now sitting at our table started sipping our drinks (well it really is just a drink since they serve it in a Bucket and you have to prove to the bar tender you have 5 persons in the group minimum - or you can look as old and demanding as I do and have him give it to you on your assurances) from our spare straws (I hope they were the spares, because really the alternative is even more gross). So I stopped them with a "hey man, do me a favour, leave our drinks alone" but I let them continue sitting there.

The girl got up, and started dancing with some of her other friends that had come over by our table, guess we had now created a meeting point! I saw the guy eyeing our bucket again (yup bucket) and gave him the warning eye. I went back to dancing (standing around while rocking shoulders) and then noticed the crowd around our table had grown and there were a few dipped heads. I walked up and there were 3 people drinking from our bucket (which really now was their bucket because no way was I going to drink from that again), so of course I lost it. Snatched the straws and told them scram ("Hey you darn kids get off my lawn") 2 scurried off but one guy squared his shoulders as if ready to fight! At this point my blood is boiling more from the outrage that this kid is going to stand up to me after stealing our drink rather than the actual fact that he was stealing our drink.

Here is the exchange:
"Really kid, you are going to drink it while we are standing right here"
"Well you guys were standing off to the side and it only takes 4 minutes to finish these, you should have finished it"
(at this point I am almost apoplectic that the fault is apparently ours for not chugging a 84oz Tequila containing drink and yes I said 84oz as in 10.5 8oz glasses of alcohol laced beverage) [And I am announced that his friend had decided to pocket our little plastic shark (which probably hints at our location but so be it) which meant he had reached his hands into the drink]
"Listen man, we could have walked away for 2 hours, you do not touch our damn drink and you do not tell me when to finish it"
-Of course by this point, my voice which is never quiet is at a shouting level, and the guy is back off. I drive the point home..."walk away, and walk away NOW"
He does so, which to me is the right thing to do, then I look down to see that his friend, the one who had invited the others is actually still sitting there. I admit I was more shocked than angry at this point, this little speck had sat through the confrontation, which he had triggered and instead of defending his friend, or slinking away had sat and watched.

So I slapped my hand flat on the table to get his attention (I confess by this point I thought he might be high) and told him "Get up, get moving, I don't want to see you again, move away NOW"...and he got up but left me with this gem "Dude [ugh, even though I now use it also I hate hearing it in a drawl] this is a USC bar man, it is a USC bar man..." (poor kid had no idea that those words are actually more likely to cause me to see red than soothe me). I yelled (to Yau's amusement and mine once I calmed down) "I don't give a damn if this is a USC bar [which of course triggered some stares] it could be your momma's bar, walk away, stay away and don't even look at me".

The best part is Emma and I had just been talking about how even keel I am when I warned her that I am "slow to anger quick to wrath" and as if to prove myself not a liar, the incident occurs.

Ok maybe the best part was upon our exit, the kid I had the confrontation with actually came up to me and apologized for which I shook his anger, because I can always appreciate a manly gesture, even when the precursor was a punk move.

Venus and Serena out in the same day...

2011-06-28T03:07:00.000-07:00

And now it is covered like a tragedy. I vividly remember the days when many American tennis fans dismissed the Williams Sisters, but now that the WS tend to be America's last great hope in most tournaments they have been embraced! Again (even though knocked out early for them) they were the last American females in a major Tennis tournament (at Wimbledon right now, only 1 American male remains).

Tennis has fallen so far in America, that women who used to be openly mocked, and racially insulted with subtle jabs are now being looked to as the saviours of Tennis in America...the only problem is they are OLD. Not old in life, but old in Tennis years.

I hope that Serena coming off her injuries and Venus off her slump will rebound from this, because I think tennis is always more fun when these guys are contending.

And is it not time for us to stop pretending that Caroline Wozniacki is a 'true' number 1? Only 1 final made, no wins, but yet she sits atop the rankings for weeks?

I bloody messed up...the domestic

2011-06-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

I saw a friend in a bad situation, offered comfort, hung out for a bit and then allowed myself to be convinced that it was ok to leave them there because I figured a locked door is the cure to many ails.

I did not factor in things like stress/emotions/love and dudes with svengali influences.

Plus having your ego bruised by hearing someone did not/does not love you can leave you incompetent to make sound decisions.

The smart decision would have been to bundle my friend up. Buy her new cosmetics if need be BUT GET HER OUT OF THE DAMN HOUSE and let her stay in my spare bedroom.

Have to cut that coke with Coconut Rum...vol 2.34

2011-06-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

Not sure if it is sad or amusing or both that because I drink so little regular or even diet soda when I drink something as sweet as a regular coca cola for its caffeine content I need to add a splash (or 3) of coconut rum to it to make it palatable. Now I know to some that would sound crazy to say that one needs the caffeine boost but then adds rum, but if you are a long time reader you know that alcohol does not put me to sleep. So since I did not sleep at all last night and I have to meet friends I had to take the caffeine boost...and I refuse to waste my money on things like '5 hour energy' (seriously peeps save your cash).

Neil Patrick Harris' best role was NOT Doogie Howser or his role on 'How I met your mother' his best role is in 'Undercover Brother' for instance his character Lance talking to a group of blacks: "I just watched this show... "Roots"? Maybe you've heard of it?" Hard to hate it. Even though I own the movie I will always stop and watch at least 10 minutes of it if its on.

And this movie makes great use of Denise Richards acting ability...stand and look pretty (her fighting moves are eh when they are not using what I suspect is a stunt double)! Plus an underrated performance from Dave Chapelle. There is also a great girl-fight scene.
Plus Eddie Griffin's Afro reminds me of the one I had in college. And his fight scene with Mr. Feather (Chris Kattan) set to MJ's 'Beat it' makes me laugh because it spoofs so many action movies and even has a touch of West Side Story. Though when the fro gets touched "You mess with the fro, you got to go" I am completely with UB on administering the beat down!

Did you know you have to capitalize Afro for proper grammar?

Wonderful soundtrack too!

- "Pick Up The Pieces"
"Say It Loud, I'm Black And I'm Proud"
"Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)"
"Close the Door"
"The Revolution Will Not Be Televised"
"Ebony And Ivory"

Just to name a few

I am writing my Best Man speech SEVEN MONTHS in advance

2011-06-14T04:29:00.000-07:00

Because I suspect it will take at least six months to sanitize and edit it down for public hearing.

And yup...someone was crazy enough to make me their best man.

I am honoured, humbled and eagerly looking forward to shocking!

One week ago I accidentally crashed a wedding...Congratulations Karina and Justtini

2011-06-12T02:22:00.000-07:00

"Hey what are you doing here?" Those were the words of my friend who invited me to meet him at a party in Pasadena...turns out the party was actually a wedding, and it ended up with me being on the wedding party shuttle and heading to the wedding hotel to kick it with the bridal party.

Some quick things, ladies if you are going to crash a wedding party and end up in one of the hotel rooms drinking and eating you should at least be cute...I refuse to say the same for guys, because well, I clearly crashed too; but mine was an accident. Those 2 girls knew what they were coming up to.

A purity ring is just weird. I completely respect the position it advocates, after all I am the Stone Cold, but it is just weird to see. Especially weird when the person wearing it is over 18. What is funny though is that I still do not see/notice rings of any sort. My friend's wife had to point it out to me...I wonder why she thought I needed to be made aware of that.

Hmm seems like a great time for a song break, some of the lyrics
"I might let you touch me
I might let you hold me
I might even let you kiss me
But you can not take my virginity"

So yeah, I really do not get the point of Purity rings.

Because, if you are wearing one because of your parents, aren't you going to keep wearing it when you are no longer 'pure' for the sake of keeping up appearances? After all if you broke their trust by having sex, then you will hide the truth.
If you are wearing it because you are part of a 'purity' circle, what happens when you slip? (I know do not make the easy joke of he/she fell on it). Do you keep the ring on to remain a part of the circle?
If you are wearing it solely as a personal choice, do you take it off when you first get some? Because at that moment doesn't everyone around you immediately know that you smooshed?

To me Virginity is a personal thing (not actually a fan of the word Purity but for the sake of the ring discussion I used it) [and yes I know it is automatically personal since you cannot lose it without (well you know the science behind it)] not something that anyone needs to broadcast or confirm to anyone with or without the use of a ring. Just because I choose to run around with the sometimes used nickname Stone Cold does not mean I would ever think anyone should actually declare their status. I have similar feelings on people being forced in or out of the closet, or having to declare sexuality, but that is for another blog.

So yeah, the wedding blog has dissolved into a discussion of virginity...on the plus side the Bride wore white...on the further plus side: Who doesn't wear white? Didn't Kendra wear white? Didn't Coco wear white? Isn't Kim Kardashian going to wear white? No one really cares anymore so why are purity rings still worn? I cannot remember the last time I saw a Livestrong bracelet, the next one I see will be as shocking as every time I see a Purity ring.

WHOA WHOA WHOA I want to note here, I am not tying Karina in with the V-club discussion, or with any of those hoochies above. Karina is a splendid girl, salt of the earth type, her wedding just happened to be where I met the Purity ring and the 2 girls that should really never crash another wedding after party ever again.

Karina and Justtini were super cool, very nice of them to welcome me in and not be mad that I suddenly showed up. The other cool moment was realizing that Karina actually reads my blog...much love to her for that. So here goes a shout out.

HEY KARINA THIS LINE IS JUST FOR YOU!

By the way, every black guy in America, who lives in a predominantly white or Asian area should definitely watch this, because it makes walking into a party when there are only 2 of you so much fun. Yes I am talking to you 'Black' Greg. My homie 'White' Greg knows and loves the scene, so next time I yell at you across a party bus "what the hell are you doing in here, I am supposed to be the only black guy here" you do not look so confused:

Love the dialogue.

Ending the week; worked out 6 of 7 days, ate cookies 3 of 7. Only demolished 2 tubs of ice cream this week...not too bad a diet. Oh and burned off 3lbs of the excess poundage I put on in the last month. Just need to get my arms bigger than Yau's now.

Many questions, few answers or Why would the blood bank lady think I would think about making a donation before noon on a saturday?

2011-06-11T03:51:00.000-07:00

Was that title long enough for you?
Who knew Jolly Ranchers had a soda?

Is there a faster way to increase the rate of diabetes in this country?

Why do I have more soaps and shampoos in my shower than most girls I know?

I have the 2 in 1 Zinc Shampoo for dry scalp; I have the 'sweet' smelling herbal Shampoo and conditioner bottles for the days when I want to smell great; I have the 3 in 1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash for the days when I am in a bloody hurry cause I decided an extra 15 minutes of sleep was crucial and I cannot waste time using 3 separate bottles; I have not 1 but TWO strawberry body washes of different brands; I have the 'manly' Dial body wash (with the extra moisturizer); I have the exfoliating body wash...and none of that includes the additional stuff stored under the counter.

Why do I still love watching wrestling?

Yes I know it's fake, so are sitcoms...I often find this funnier.

Why are there so many 'paranormal' shows out there?
Why is 'So you think you can dance' a hit?
How is it my boy and I willing watched a chick flick?

It has nothing to do with all the above soaps...a man can just be concerned about his cleanliness

Why am I the only person in my clique who LOVES ice cream mixed with milk?

And no...not a milk shake, just a splash or 2 of ~~ice cream~~ milk (* editor: apparently my subcon was so strong I put what I love most on what I love most...thanks Grace for the catch) on your scoops of ice cream

How does Paris Hilton have a new show?

No seriously, how?

What the hell is wrong with A. The athletic apparel companies and B. my calves that cause the companies to release Calf Compression gear with sizes of large and X-large and the size difference being 14.5-16.5 for Large and 16.5-18.5 for X-large?

Why does this tick me off?

Because My left calf is exactly 16.6 unflexed and only goes down to 16.5 flexed and my right is exactly 16.5 - I used 2 different measuring tapes

So what happens if I buy this, and lose weight while running?
Or, what if I increase my calf muscle size?

Both would be good things...but I do not know if I need to get the large size so it fits snuggly or the x-large size so it just fits?

Why is the bloody size change line exactly at the size of my bloody calves?

Why couldn't it have been just like the Weight lifting gloves...X-large?

Yup ladies, you read that right

I wear big gloves

No really nothing more being hinted there

Just telling you in case you are ever shopping for me

Leather is prefferred

Why are my friends demanding I watch "Ice loves Coco"?
In that Vegas ad where the guy gets locked out of his room in nothing but a robe; where is he getting all the cash and ID's to purchase all the stuff and pick up the girl (I am assuming she is NOT a hooker)?
Why am I watching 'Why did I get married, too?'

Am I compelled to support black cinema?

Why are people disappointed with Lebron James?

Maybe if you were not so desperate to think of him as the next Jordan you would just appreciate his current level of greatness?
But is it so shocking that a kid that was told he was the greatest since junior high, nicknamed himself the 'King' and never went through the socializing that college brings would shrink in high pressure situations?

Why am I up at 3:44am when I am giving blood in 9 hours?

Better yet: Am I a lush because I plan to meet up with alcoholic friends half an hour after donating blood?
I do get props for scheduling the drinks for after the donation though right?

RIGHT?

Hollywood friends and their exes...vol243

2011-06-08T22:27:00.001-07:00

Part of the problem with having 'Hollywood friends' is that when they break up with 'Hollywood girlfriends' you have the obligation of disliking the exes. BUT, the problem is, you sometimes see their exes in shows you are watching. My boys ex just popped up in the episode of this comedy I am watching and she is making out with a lead character: which stupidly feels awkward since I still see her as my friend's girl and also I know she is 'freaky'.

I have noticed something funny, maybe not 'haha' funny but definitely 'hmm that is kind of bitchy funny' about 2 of my female friends: They have both recently commented on the fact that I am a bit chubby in the middle (which as any typical reader of this blog knows I am quick to point out myself), both have done it by patting the chub...but here is the thing both these girls have put on weight in the last few months. And I mean weight enough that I have made sure not to make any references to weight so as not to offend them...yet both tapped my chub. Good thing I am a decent guy because I could have lashed out. I also note that both of the girls are in relationships that they claim are not, what they are...so are they gaining the comfy weight of relationships? Or the side weight of denial? Either way, I find it funny that they are pointing to my flaws when I am pretty sure I could take my weight double it and still be a 1lb or 2 short of theirs.

I probably should feel worse about my weight gain but I have been injured for the last month (I know...shocker) and since I (again as longtime readers know) never diet, weight gain is always guaranteed when I am hurt...give me 3 weeks 6 days and I plan to strip this 8lbs back off

Happy Birthday to the greatest woman in the world

2011-06-08T20:21:00.001-07:00

MY MOM!

"I am proud of my years as a Syphilitic Conquistador"

2011-06-05T03:39:00.000-07:00

"...that was the team name. They wanted something the locals found frightening"

The title of this post is from 'Better off Ted' Season 1 episode 10 'Trust and Consequence' it is a bloody shame that it was cancelled while the CW continues to air any of its programming or shows like 'So you think you can dance' have huge followings. Damn Plebeian masses.

Gluten free waffles absolutely suck. But when you are starving at 3 am, you can pour enough maple syrup on them to overcome any taste deficiencies.

I love being a member of a gym that has multiple locations in every big California city. I drove into Diego with 1 group, went to the gym just to stash my clothes so that when I drove my other friends home I would actually have clean clothes for the weekend.

Funny that some of the same peeps I used to work out with late night on Fridays recognized me and said hi when I went to pick up my stashed clothes at 2;30am.

Seeing 1 of my exes in San Diego made me realize that though I have never taken illicit drugs maybe I drank too much when I lived there...yes it might be mean, but eh it is true: I was not proud of my past decision making.

It might be due to the lifting, but I felt a lot more 'love' here now than when I lived here. Or maybe I am just older and wiser (or cockier and it shows).
I am amused that my friends know my insomnia is so bad that they can text me at 4am asking for an immediate response...and they get it.

Governor Perry better not run for President: I cannot abide the thought of a bloody Aggie having a shot to run the country.

Another source of amusement; my friend and his fiance immediately shoving back to back shots in my hands as I walked over from the bar where I had just taken whisky shots and my friend yelling "let's test that liver that never gets drunk". Test taken and PASSED!

I love my boy and his fiance, good peoples and they seem good together. I also appreciate my boy saying that he wants me to do his wedding. Following in the footsteps of the father!

I am so wired and cannot sleep that I am blogging from my blackberry as I try to sleep. I have to be one of the few people who alcohol actually leaves wired rather than sleepy.

NETFLIX HAS 'SHOTTAS'

2011-05-26T23:36:00.000-07:00

NETFLIX HAS 'SHOTTAS'

I know to my American friends that means little but to a bona fide yardie like me that means a tonne!
- If you have Netflix watch it, damn it watch it!

My pops and I had an emotional and important conversation and it lasted almost 3 times as long as our usual convos...total 5 minutes 36 seconds.

I think I saw one of my law school nemeses at the gym: Looks just like him same goofy smile same blank stare. Not good to have bottled up enemies or resentment - nearly dropped weights on my chest while benching and thinking that it was him, really had a scary moment there. Can never forget a Florence night club incident with that kid.
- The bonus is, I do not have many/or any enemies really, even that kid was just someone who annoyed me more than I hated them...cannot really think of anyone I truly hate.

The T-mobile ad with the young kid rapping cracks me up. Partly because the kid is getting a tonne of love and I suspect part of that is due to his skin colour and the speed of his lyrics but mainly because I love how hard the T-mobile girl is trying to dance and look cool at the same time. I cannot see the ad without laughing!

Maybe I should not take my shaving ideas from cartoons

2011-05-26T01:44:00.000-07:00

I am currently rocking a pencil thin mustache with no beard or side-burns I look like a stereotyped french villain. You know it is a crazy look when you look in the mirror and frown at yourself. But since I committed to it, I am going to court in the morning looking like this. I just cannot get used to it. I shaved before dinner (not sure why the formality) and everytime I catch myself in the mirror I do a double take. While flossing, I caught myself, staring at myself. While brushing and doing my usual reading while brushing I kept glancing up from the novel to stare at my upper lip, while gargling I actually angled my head down to stare (which by the way makes it bloody hard to gargle).

It has only been a couple hours and I bloody miss my sideburns. I was initially tempted to go with my undergrad look of mustache and goatee but then decided mustache solo...just cannot get used to it.

Had to take a massive pain killer so I took one with a sleep aid; which means crazy dreams tonight - also means I will wake up with a horribly dry mouth, I bloody hate that feeling. I keep 2 bottles of water beside the bed 2 large bottles, each is 24oz and yet some mornings I will wake up and those suckers are drained. On bad nights I even have to go to the kitchen and get seconds, you can just imagine what my immediate concern is when I wake up in the mornings!

My knee is so bad right now, that I cannot shift side to side and I can barely take anything beyond a shuffle step. I realized it was bad when sitting in the car hurt. And even with the busted knee I think I could still beat all of the peeps I have played in tennis the last year yup, all of you! I really want to play a tennis game to see if working out has actually helped my ground game, oh well till peeps stop ducking me I will not get a good game!

I saw an ad tonight that I will write about some day but it is for an anti-depressant and the scary part is the ad actually has the makers admitting that they do not know exactly how it works to stop depression.

My blood pressure today is 115/57 and other randoms plus a shout out to an ex

2011-05-24T22:47:00.000-07:00

So one of my exes a perfectly lovely, smart, enterprising, talented girl (just slightly below me in Chemistry labs...even if she claims I used help) has a great plan for this year. She is posting a picture a day for the whole year, whether great inspiration strikes her or not...As any regular reader of the blog knows, I barely post on a semi weekly schedule. So it occurred to me last week that if she can be so consistent every day, I could at least post more consistently. As I said the thought occurred LAST week, this is the first blog since then...oh well I will at least try to do 3 a week.

Quick hits:

2 Guys watching 'Legends of the Guardians' together isn't that weird, us analyzing it...might be
Just saw a cute well behaved one walking around the play-pen of my gym and I decided "I really need to get my own little creature" I then realized I called a human child a "little creature"
Congratulating a woman on pregnancy is never safe unless you know for sure she is pregnant, I saw a guy at the gym do it again today, and that did not work well so I never mention pregnancy until I am sure the girl is pregnant.

But I always feel worse for the guy who asks the question. Now I know immediately you think "the guy is an Ass" but think of it this way, the guy is most likely well meaning and trying to be nice, now he feels bad for asking a fat person when she is expecting or congratulating her...at least the person knows she is fat before the guy ever says anything, the poor guy now has to walk around feel bad that he offended.

On the pregnancy issue; I was recently at dinner with friends and a girl I know to be promiscuous and a heavy drinker was there and I noticed she was NOT drinking. Well because her breasts looked bigger than normal and weighing the other factors I discreetly asked my other female friend if X-femme was pregnant...whew it was as if I asked if X was murdering kids, my friend was so mad at me for asking...I don't get it. How can one offend by proxy? And how is that not a legit question to ask? Oh well
I do not get the fascination with Glee, I occasionally watch it and each time I watch it I hate myself more for it and realize I dislike it more and more...I should be worried that my spell check had to correct how I spelled occasionally.
Ah yeah the title, I completely forgot to address that, I posted that BP after working out. Yup, while I might be fat and have ridiculous eating habits, I actually work out a tonne just so that I can stay healthy

In fact my eating habits are so bad that I actually had to move from the dining/kitchen area while I blogged so that I would avoid eating/making giant choco chip cookies because I wanted more. I ate 3 brownies, a bag of chips a bowl of cereal and that was all post dinner of chicken and rice, just so that I would not make a batch of cookies because everytime I make a batch I eat about 8-12 right off the bat.

It gets worse when you factor in I did this all post gym and stopped my ride home to go buy 2 bags of chocolate chips so that I would have the cookie options

Speaking of riding...so saddle sore, I do not know how anyone could ride in the Tour de France

On the plus side, thanks to riding to work, riding to lunch, and riding to the gym; I rode 33 miles today and that does not include whatever mileage I did in Spinning.

I need to become more consistent with my lifting (I know, I know I just said I work out a tonne)...it is too haphazard, need to get back on a more consistent routine but damn my shoulder is really killing me so it has to be longer rest periods in between sessions and that throws me off my game.

On the plus side...let me post some numbers

Bench 300, Leg Press 1050, calf press 800, individual bicep curls 50, triceps pull downs 145, back pull downs 295 all in lbs.

I want to improve the Bench, but do not know how to without my spotter, I am going to have to lower the leg press because my left knee cannot maintain the weight anymore but I can maintain the calf press and will not raise or lower that, clearly I have to try and improve the bicep curls, they might be better than that, but they are always done after back exercises so the muscle is already used up, triceps will go up in a month and the back pull downs are hard because as fat as I am I am still not heavy enough to smoothly control the weight and remain in the seat.

Amazing that due to having to take a full week off from weight lifting my cardio is not as good, even though I have kept that up at least on its regular schedule.

So for the exes and the ones I thought were preggers

Inviting a girl 1 month of the plane from France to Cinco de Mayo...not the easiest thing

2011-05-06T02:49:00.000-07:00

I received horrible news today, not news that is of immediate personal impact to me, but horrible because of the immediate pain it causes someone I love. Any long time reader (or close enough friend of mine) knows that death rarely affects me personally, what affects me is seeing the pain it causes to those around me [quick side step; when my Grandfather passed in Tobago my dad and I went, I was very young, but I felt no emotional pain, shed no tears until I saw how sad my Dad was and then I broke down, not for my Grand, but for my Dad.] It is much the same here I saw that my friend was in pain (saw it from afar) and it troubled me, troubled me enough that on a night I had not planned to drink at all, I drank.

But this is not a morbid blog, in fact this is the rare double blog in a 24 hour period. And I will try desperately to not give a virtual middle finger to Eli and Vivian for making me drive for 40 minutes each way and standing me up. Even though in the back of my head I had the above worries (tried to call before heading out because I was afraid of trying to answer the phone later, I would definitely have answered but would not have wanted any crazy yelling in the back ground) I had a fairly decent night. Let us do a brief recap

Finally heard the Charlie Sheen remix to the Duck Sauce's 'Barbara Streisand' hahah basically just replace her name with 'winning' and 'Charlie Sheen'. Since I have a tonne of work to do I think I will just stay up all night and work all night, and thus get to sleep in a bit (you had to know there was some trigger for the double blog).

So in regards to the title, I invited a French girl I met over the weekend out tonight, but trying to explain to her in my super limited French (yes I was trying to impress) was too much of a chore so I just ended the explanation with..."people go out and drink a tonne". I cannot wait to invite my Korean friend out for Bastille Day. Turns out she did come out, but she was at another bar and by the time we decided to walk past the spot there was too long a line and there was a Dart Bet to settle with Yau...more on that later

This is not Ego but science talking; I think I could write a 'club banger'. The elements seem basic, get a track with a HEAVY bass line, add a simplistic hook, put in some lines stating how much swagger, girls, jewels, power or money I have and this is key at some point raise my voice an octave.

There is nothing like seeing a girl dance for you, my boy was interested in the 'darker' of 2 girls and while he kept trying to catch her eye I was staring at her and her friend, (basically I had a lot running through my head and they just happened to be in my eyeline plus I knew my boy was interested in one). Every time the 'lighter' one locked eyes with me she would do a little swivel of the hips dance and mimic sliding down the pole ('move your body like a snake ma') I wish I was not so shy, this is what is known in the trade as 'on a platter'.

Towards the end of the night I said something I regret, not because I was mean or aggressive or anything but because I accidentally embarrassed someone and I did not mean to I was genuinely trying to help: As I was walking to the W.C. this guy walking past me had something slip from his pocket so I immediately said "hey man you dropped your lipstick" because he dropped it. He immediately looked at me angrily and said "that is not mine and it's not lipstick" so I walked on but I made sure on the way out to stop and look at the item and it was definitely lipstick. So now I wonder if he was ashamed of it, I clearly saw it fall from his pocket - maybe he was carrying it for his girl, maybe it was his (though he did not have any on and did not look like the type to wear), or and this one I hope is not true, he robbed some poor girls purse and just shoved everything in the purse in his pockets with plans to sift through later. No matter what it was, the reaction seemed . weird and I truly just wanted to help.

Finally, DARTS. You have to love the competitive nature of guys. Yau and I talked smack to each other about dart skills ignoring the fact that neither of us had ever seen each other play and of course even though it was late and post bar and we both have work in the morning we had to play a game of darts...he won the first which immediately necessitated a rematch which I won..."take that with you". So now Yau, we are 1-1 and that game you won was the last you will ever win against me!

Bless...

Hahaha Happy Birthday and "you cannot call your ex-girlfriend a whore"

2011-05-05T17:01:00.000-07:00

Editor's update: Much of this was written yesterday but I did not post because of a conversation I had (with an Ex).

Happy Birthday Chica.
Let's hit the Randomize button:
- You cannot say an ex is a whore and not expect questions as to who
- Watching Lakers' games with Yau, makes the Lakers' games fun.
- Watching Lakers' games with Yau and having the Lakers LOSE make the games ENJOYABLE!
- Watching Yau's reaction while the Lakers lose is Heavenly
- Hoping the Lakers get Swept is just icing on the cake...even if half my LA friends might stab me...heck what are a few lacerations between friends?

- The Mavs and the Heat are looking like the 2 best teams, (thank goodness I picked the Heat to win it all) the rest of my bracket looks like Gas Station toilet paper, it is not even 2 ply and it looks like cardboard.

- Damn I miss riding Mountain bikes, I even more miss being fearless on the bike.
- I rode to a location that I was new to and it was only 3 miles (with traffic) and it took me 25 minutes
- I rode home from same location and now confident in where I was going did it in 9 minutes (flat road both ways before some ass tries to claim downhill)

- I am fat, I cut my ice-cream intake and gained bloody weight...you know what that means...time to up my ice-cream intake (and for me that can be breathtaking).

- This weekend's hike is going to be Bloody Fun; maybe I should warn the peeps that it is 6 miles round-trip!
- Nah most of the group are experienced hikers and badasses. Plus if anyone falls we have strong enough guys to carry them...I am looking at YOU NINJA!
- Hollywood Sign hiking seems like something everyone in LA should do...I know only a few that have ever done it.

- Unless you know the answer in advance some questions asked of exes immediately become sticky.
- I think one of my exes may have broken up with her boyfriend, I say may because last night when I asked what they were going to do for her birthday the conversation became as frosty as that Tub of Dulce De Leche that waits for me in the freezer.
- The problem? I tripped over myself trying to run away from the initial question while trying to look back to see the answer!
- I mean I have to ask the follow up right? You cannot get frosty on the first question and not at least try to scrape the glass to see what is in there.
I think part of why I was so hesitant to ask/find out was because...it really should mean nothing to me!
- After all as the Stone COLD V there is no lingering physicality to look ~~back on~~ forward to...
SONG BREAK:
"Well I guess it would be nice
If I could touch your body
I know not everybody
Has got a body like you

But I've got to think twice
Before I give my heart away
And I know all the games you play
Because I play them too

Oh but I
Need some time off from that emotion
Time to pick my heart up off the floor"

BACK
- Good grief I suck at shopping for gifts.
- First I suck at even remembering to buy gifts in general, there have been countless times I have shown up at events and realized that I should have gotten a gift---I had to give my cousin cash because I forgot (granted I think cash is better, but it goes against that whole 'thought that counts' thing)
- But when I do remember I hate the shopping process; most of my friends already have too much (not playing the kid from the 3rd world card I seriously believe this). I think about getting them stuff and nothing seems needed or practical.
- Let me quickly take an ex here: I want to get her a gift but she is dating a dude; so the gift cannot be extravagant (u know like giving her windows TV or anything...yup I am taking a shot at someone here) so my plan of getting her a Blu Ray goes out the window; but it cannot be intimate either, so there goes things like jewelry or Teddy Bears or clothing of the lacy variety; I have not seen her in ages so cannot be clothing of any sort, with my luck I go too small too tight or something she no longer wears (whoops reviewing this I realized I did not put 'or too big' I swear I had it in my head to put that too); it cannot be music/dvds, cause really those are weak sauce choices and in our case she thinks her musical taste is superior to mine SHE IS WRONG and she never gives me credit for introducing her to artists Corinne Bailey Rae, Lupe Fiasco, Melonie Fiona, just to name a few...but really you can never know what music/dvds someone u have not seen in ages has.
- So now you are regulated to the simple things, things you may have heard the person likes, things they might be doing (like cooking) things that everyone needs like Soap - (especially those peeps who always seem to run out of soaps and have to turn the bottle upside down so the very last drop can come out, and then add water for that desperate morning when you have to shower before work but you forgot to hit the Ralph's or CVS that are pretty much on the same block as your work place...but I digress) or you get them things from shows you know they love
- For instance I would be lost if I had to get a gift for Yau, the kid has everything and needs nothing (and I am not getting anyone a Hooker [the idea is too demeaning to me - and comes to lingering feelings of the whole purchasing/renting a human thing, but that is a different discussion]) so I would probably just get him booze (though he is Asian and does get the flush) or just take him to a bar.
- So if I cannot buy for peeps who I am close to it is unfair pressure to ask me to do it for casual peeps
- But the obligation is still there and I honour it...when I remember it

- I have a knife by my bed
- Nope I am not a killer, nope I do not fear death or someone coming to get me. I just needed it one day to cut something and it was super helpful and now I find myself constantly using it, in place of scissors...I really need to put it back in the kitchen, I am becoming way too comfortable having a knife that close to me.
- I am surgical with the knife, not a boast just a statement of fact

- My scrabble game is improving as my tennis game deteriorates! I hope they are not related
- JT if you are reading this...I challenge you to a tennis game ASAP I need help (I will be the person wearing heavy sweats so no one can see my body).

FINISHERS
- Hopefully I make it up to SF in a week and a half
- It looks like a glorious summer
- I miss my lifting buddy
- Ice cream is good for you
- Snickerdoodles are tasty
- Express gyms SUCK
- Vodka in a water bottle is not crazy, (look up the Russian word for water)
- And damn one of my exes sometimes looks like Eliza Dushku, dances EXACTLY like her, and sometimes acts just like how you probably pronounced her last name!

Selah

Going to see Prince this Thursday!

2011-04-27T01:48:00.000-07:00

Of Course you know I am going to include a clip of Dave Chapelle playing Prince, playing Charlie Murphy in a game of Basketball.

But before I get to that. I really thought about getting my ex tickets to Prince, she is into music and I think she would enjoy the concert. Then reality hit me and I realize that we talk so infrequently I cannot call her to find out if she would want to go so I do not even know if it is even cool to take her to a concert (I know she went to a show with one of her exes while we were 'dating' and she does not know I know, but I know and I was not happy, though not really angry) since she has a dude.

I also know that I would rather eat a bullet than get her tickets for both her and her current boyfriend and I would never be so callous as to just get her a solo ticket and go "here stand by yourself".

Ah well the perils of being exes: What is funny is that I got my boy and his 'possible' a pair of tickets which I think might actually be better than my own tickets! Yau...I hope it gets you more than a 'possible'. So even though I am not going as a couple I still ended up getting 'couple tickets'

I expect this concert to be bloody amazing. So far no one I know who has gone has had a single complaint and if you knew LA crowds/peeps you would know that is bloody unusual. This tour has already taken on legen(wait for it)dary status with peeps telling me crazy things like Alicia Keys and Mint Condition appearing on stage...yes I said Mint Condition, no I did not realize they were still together either (focus damn it we are talking about Prince here, Sorry 'Id and Ego' may have just taken over or a second). I have heard stories of 1 hour encores and even activities after the lights come up! I am really trying NOT to drive so I can just be care-free and party like its 199...ok I cannot finish that I refuse to be that guy.

Anyway it is time for the Prince sketch, it is a classic and seriously if your do not already know this sketch you really need to get the box Set of Chappelle Show and I would really love to know who jacked mine.

GAME BLOUSES

Things I think I think I know...the Runyon Canyon hike edition

2011-04-12T13:34:00.000-07:00

MUSIC:
- AMG kills it in his one and only song that everyone knows...seriously I do not know any other song than "B#$%H betta have my money": "It ain't nothing like black p---- on my d---" An amazing intro line combining lust, black pride and misogyny all in one amazing delivery that lets you know where the song is going to go
- This year in rap has been killing it so far...'Hey Muma', 'You be killing 'em', 'Boom' are sick.
- For a rapper that I constantly make fun of I have way too many Waka Flocka Flame songs...But seriously who does not like yelling out "WAAAAKKAAAA"?
- Rebecca Black's 'Friday' has better lyrics than most Lady Gaga and Katy Perry songs, the problem is...she really cannot sing

RANDOM
- I love hiking...I just hate organizing hiking.
- I always feel great after hiking...I feel lousy at the start
- Lenora Crichlow is amazingly hot...the bloody grey sweater just really does it for me.
- Sinead Keenan is sneaky hot too...even with the whole Werewolf thing
- If you are not watching BBC America, you are wasting your cable privileges
- BBM makes flirting ridiculously easy...maybe too easy

- I cannot abide liars...because other peeps lie so much, they expect everything you say in jest to be a lie also
- Girls are crazy...ok that was unnecessary but come on still fun to say
- Men are crazy too...damn politically correct conscience

GYM
- I have increased my Bench Press by 80lbs in one month...I was clearly slacking off the previous year.
- Leg pressing 4xs your body weight feels bloody awesome when others look at your weight stack...trying to step off the sled is not so awesome when you become light headed.
- My boy and I have become gym rats...we realized this when we hit the gym and about 20 different people gave us looks of recognition!
- We try and try not to flirt with girls at the gym, we do NOT want to be 'Those guys' but...I notice that we are slipping into comfortable patterns of talking to the girls we see every day, and just like a work place or a bar you frequent - words get exchanged.
- I got lucky that the girl who teased me that I was only lifting 20lbs walked by just as I maxed out the machine...if she had walked past 5 mins earlier she would have seen my 'warm up weight' which is pretty much TWENTY POUNDS
- Eli is a great lifting partner, helps to push me, watches the weight stack diligently, helps me keep form and understands joint limitations and pains...and that bastard is the WORST person when it comes to making me laugh at the most inopportune time. I bloody know one of these days one of us idiots is going to make the other laugh and drop a weight on a body part...hopefully its something non vital like our hearts
- The Dougie is a bloody fun dance...watching Eli some how managing to reverse it makes it a funny dance.
Zumba
- It is a great ~~dance~~ workout...guys avoid it like the plague
- I thoroughly enjoyed my time in that class...I felt bloody awkward when the girls started to do 'booty pops and chest shakes'
- If you are the only (and this is NO exaggeration) the only man in a class with 64 women (yup I counted, when in awkward situations I take stock) girls tend to forget that you are there...I am used to women wearing just sports bras in the gym, but 40 plus women in sports bras sweating and dancing becomes awkward especially when many have dancers' bodies...what is more awkward is when they forget you are in the room and start tugging, adjusting and comparing - thank goodness I am black, I am pretty sure I was blushing

SCRABBLE
- I am quite clearly addicted...and now having it on my BB is a bad idea
- I love playing my friends, I love the smack talk and the back and forth...I especially love that when my friends hit a big move I instantly know it because I suddenly get questions like "are you going to play?" or messages letting me know its "Ur turn".
- As atrocious as my spelling is (seriously mom thanks for pointing it out and killing my self esteem) I am good at scrabble (really good)...I would be excellent if I could bloody spell.
- None of my exes are willing to play me in scrabble...it might be me?

EXES
- Hahah, hahahah hahahah...hey it is a personal blog.
- So far all are alive...I think, since one has just stopped talking to me!
- I am getting along really well with one...either she is single or she has multiple boyfriends but since we are getting along it is safer for me not to ask her anything like that
- One of my exes is a ho...no seriously she is...I feel dirty - she basically admitted some crazy stuff to me, seriously makes me re-evaluate myself.

CONVERSATIONS:
- I am too sarcastic...that will probably not change
- People really admit too much to me...I am still not sure what it is, I think it is the deep voice and the poker face (that part does not work on the phone)
- The things I hear scare, excite, confuse, encourage, depress and leave me speechless...that is just monday night.
- "Tiffany box for a BJ, did you really say that?" That was my reaction to a girl telling me what she expects from the guy she is currently talking to...he is married
- EVERYTHING MY DAD SAID IN OUR ONE AND ONLY CONVO ABOUT WOMEN WAS RIGHT...problem is we had that convo this year
- Yau is right it's cool to make friends at any age.

Jersey Shore recap, come on no way do I know what episode # DVR says "The great Depression"

2011-02-19T15:57:00.000-08:00

So I heard a good theory on the 'BS report' which attempted to explain why it seemed like the kids on JS can be so angry with each other one day and super happy with each other the next; almost as if they were seeing something that we were not able to see. The theory is that they are actually watching the Miami season as the 3rd season is being filmed. I do not think they are watching, I think they all just watched it heading into the new season and as their booze addled brains float in and out of consciousness they realize their feelings.

So the Epi starts with Ron crying actually crying is mild he is weeping, look I know some men cry, but these are the kind of tears that you usually see reserved for death. "Some days doctor situation, chef situation...bang your girl situation" Hahah Ron immediately realizes how ridiculous it is to listen to the S(n)itchuation talk about relationships.

"Mentally I feel like I have been abused" that is what Sam says, funny cause that is how I feel when watching this damn show. And nope not making light of abuse, I really feel like that relationship is bloody abusive, and I am usually hesitant to throw around that word. Heck NT for ages has called him Rapey and abusive and I stuck up for him, but damn the last few weeks of epis, has looked extreme.

Ron going to the girls looking for sympathy just strikes me as odd. That is like wearing fur to a PETA board meeting. And now he goes to the boys and Vinnie immediately makes a joke...maybe this is why he went to the girls first.

"1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a prank war" So announces Pauly D. If it was not for the rhyming nature of the sentence I would think that, that is as far as he could count. I know I was not the only one shocked that the girls could fit UNDER the beds. While the prank war is going on, I notice that the Sitch is sleeping...he really has lost his MVP status this season.

Snooks looking for her Crocodile pillow reminds me of an ex that would always sleep with a body pillow that was long and cylindrical...I am not saying I'm just saying...weird huh? So we already have Mike Snitchuating again. Oh damn it: Vinnie just called the Situation, Snitchuation not like I thought I was new with this or anything, but anytime the JS kids come up with something that I have come up with also...a little piece of me dies inside.

And there we go a Skins ad, with its ratings I actually thought it might have been cancelled.

Ron claims that Sam is the one he loves the most. OK NT, you are right, "he is the Ike Turner of the Jersey Shore". Did they really blame Ron for clogging not 1 but 3 toilets? That is scary and impressive. Damn it Ron man up, you cannot be crying in the bathroom. You really know Snooks has to go because she called him Ronaldo [Damn another week, and I just find out a real name? I need to quit this show].

The girls are supposedly hurrying to remove Sam's stuff from her room so Ron does not see it and get depressed. Yet they look like they are moving backwards. And how do you bloody forget a huge bag in the closet? I do not care how metro they might think Ron is, that purse was never going to be his. If I was in that house and ever wanted to know anything I would immediately just ask the Snitch. Come on Ron, if you want to know who moved Sam's stuff just ask him.

I think it is smart of that T-shirt store to give them Uniforms that have the stores name on front and the kids name on back...great promotion and I bed those damn shirts sell like hot cakes. Hmm now I want cake, I think I will make a cake or at least giant chocolate chip cookies today. Guess I have to hit the gym for a couple hours today.

Sorry to quote the 'BS report' again but they brought up a great point; If Tiger Woods had Ronnie's skills Elin would not only have stayed with him she would have thought all his cheating was her fault.

Ok so Paulie finds a disgusting pair of undies in the bathroom and instead of hmm I don't know, leaving them there, or throwing them away he instead takes them to the living room and puts them on a bean bag...but Deena adds to that disgusting level and PICKS THEM UP! I think Ron with his immense logic might be right, she touched them, they must be hers.

Damn it, I need to see single Ronnie. Hmm really convenient that a 'Friend' that just happens to be Paulie's ex just conveniently shows up. Mike's way of dancing with her kind of feels Rapey (shout out to NT).

Ron declares that he will get her back (Sam) because "I get what I want". Sounds creepy when he says it. But, I often think like that. mini M.O.T. here, I think like that all the time, in fact I recently admitted to 2 girls that I ended up dating that when I first saw them I turned to my homies and said I would date them. Even though at the time, both had bfs at the time. BUT I never ever have taken another man's girl: not my move.

"I wanna meet hot guerilla juice heads" but instead Snooks meets a "Mario Brother". I find that the guys Snooks really likes are pretty much the opposite of what most of my friends like. "Deena turns into the Sloppapotamus a combination of a Slop tart and a Hippopotamus put together" so says the Sitch, then tries to repeat the word and stutters his way through his second attempt...but he still keeps the Poet Laureate throne.

Ronnie comforting a girl, just seems crazy...but then he demands that she go get him supplies and things feel right.

Really kid, you 'cock blocked' someone and then go back to that house to tap one of the roomies? Suspiciously stupid, like you just want to be on camera stupid. Vinnie's girl just hangs on his arm like a limpet. She is like an adornment like a Fur stole. Wow kid actually asks in the middle of the Smush "what's my name?" then finds out that Snooks does not know his name...dumb move because he is clearly not going to stop the smush, and then finds out that his name is unnecessary to the operation.

No way Ron cannot really be thinking of leaving! I demand to see single Ronnie, none of this moping despondent beast.

Ok I am off to hit the gym. I figure 5 miles on the Elliptical, 1 hour lifting will allow me to eat Spicy chicken crispers and chocolate chip cookies.

Stop when you have heard this b4, Sammie and Ronnie got into a fight…Jersey Shore recap.

2011-02-14T01:12:00.000-08:00

Oh we start with the ‘previously on Jersey Shore’ which recaps the previous Ron and Sammie dust up…ok actually this could be the start of every JS episode. It feels right that at the same time I am watching JS I am looking up the history of Malt Liquor.

The Sitch is on his snitch game and it is not even 2 minutes into the episode. He might have set a new record for speed-snitching. [A quick aside: Sitch is supposedly leaving after the next season to try and get into movies…just let that marinate in your head.] I have said it before and I will say it again, Deena has a surprisingly good body, for some reason her face just does not make you think she would, I hope that is not mean.

So Ron walks past a bar with Pauly waves to Sam and Sam turns to Deena and claims that Ron is walking with a girl: I think this is a case of if you want to see something, you will see it. I love that Ron is brewing and stewing for a fight with the Sitch and Sam just keeps pushing buttons. Watching this makes it so much funnier that when Ron picked her up at the start of the season Sam’s mom told him to take care of her.

I always love the Situation’s recaps of events: his version and the actual events are never ever in synch. Sometimes they are so far off I almost wonder if the editors cut parts out of his brain, not just the tape. Whoa, smooth move by the Sitch, dropping in the fake apology. Hell even Pauly D. spots it calling it a Voodoo trick. Where the hell was Snooks and Jwoww while that whole fight was going on? Sometimes it seems like people just get cut out of the script, oops I mean house.

I just blanked out over the last Sam and Ron fight, I figure there will be another this episode so I barely paid attention. “I used to drink the beer promoted by Billy Dee By the bodega in chancletas and a white tee”

So I was right and another fight starts, Vin asks Pauly if he should go up and separate and he is discouraged. Hahah Pauly D, complains that he cannot clean his shoes while they are fighting. Did Sitch just say “I have to go up there and get my backwards hat”? Please tell me he is not talking about a cap that you just turn backwards. Whoa Ron…if they chick is on the bed, you really might not want to start turning it over…not a good look. I am not going as far as abusive, but it is close man, it is damn close. And your threat to take girls home and “Fu@k the Sh!t out of them” really, really comes off rapey. (NT did not actually say that to me, but I am pretty damn certain she is thinking it). Though I am sure O, agrees with his sentiment, if not his attitude.

Hahah the fight continues through a commercial break, and I think about how quickly producers jump into fights on other TV shows even other MTV shows, but here; yeah, let’s have a dude toss a bed around with a girl on it. Oh crap, Sitch was looking for a baseball cap, I wonder if he knows that the hat actually works in 2 directions? I also cannot stop laughing that he is wearing an ESPN ‘Sportsnation’ cap.

Watching Snooks and Deena move Sammie’s bed harkens back to the days of watching Sitch and Pauly D working on their Engineering degrees in Miami when they tried to dismantle Angelina’s bed. Apparently moving a bed downstairs “is an analogy to Vin trying to fit his penis in my pinhole” – Snooks, again going after the Poet Laureate crown.

Damn it, I need to examine myself because Sammie is actually looking hot to me right now and for once she is not dancing in a fashion that looks like she is having a seizure. Ronnie says “I want to f-ing ring your neck right now” note, he says this is a bloody confessional, which means he had time to think about the words he chose to use. And we are back to Ron redecorating his room aka throwing all of Sammie’s stuff out the door and smashing things, yeah no rage there at all. As Sammie returns to the house she utters these words “I am scared to [sic] what I am walking into” not a good sign when a girl utters those words. I have been mean to girls in my past, we all have bad moments, but I am certain very certain that no girl has ever uttered those words when coming home to my house or any house that I am in.

Ron’s rationale goes beyond hypocrisy; it is an amazing ability to just block out your own wrongs and find fault with someone doing the exact same thing you did/do. He made out with a bunch of girls got numbers, his ex dances with a guy and they are equivalents: “I rather you do it while I am not there” that is his rational for destroying her stuff.

Look I am shy, I mean shy to the point that very few of my friends have ever seen me kiss a girl, and these kids blatantly tell the world that they are about to have sex, and even come out modeling lingerie. I am pretty damn sure I would not be able to make out on this show much less loudly proclaim that I want/need the smoosh room. I am going to hate myself, but I am definitely watching the after-show.

Looks like Sammie is leaving the house – is it for good? Hey NT, I win the bet! It is like price is right, closest to the number without going over. You know what? When Sam tells the kids that she is leaving, they seem sympathetic, but no one really seems to fight hard to get her to stay. Whoa Ron just called her by her full name Samantha. I just realized that I am so ingrained into calling her Sam or Sammie that I did not even think that her real name was Samantha, I mean I knew it had to be, but I still did not really register it…maybe this show really does kill brain cells! Until I actually saw that cab door close I was still concerned that she might come back into the house. Bit suspicious that the cab that Sammie in just happens to have cameras in it!

Ok time for the after-show: no clue if I will blog it. Let’s just see how it goes

Whew Julissa is such a horrible interviewer but cot damn she is sexy. Damn, unseen footage, this is worth it: I cannot believe that big girl labeled herself ‘a bomb’ and tried to get with the Sitch, feels like a blatant star-bleeper. Grenade, to grenade launcher, to the Tank…these are apparently the levels of girls to avoid. I am a big fan of the face made by the Sitch when the grenade whistle went off.

Wow I have no attention span, while watching the Aftershow I broke off to listen to the old School, Rah Digga, ‘Party and Bullsh!t’: “I beat that bitch with a bat” I think the Ronnie Sammie fight triggered it.

Fastest man alive...at least in the gym tonight

2011-02-08T22:54:00.000-08:00

So I did what I found funny but I suspect is a bit of a douchey thing in the gym today. There is a boot camp class that about 3/4 of the way through always goes into wind sprints. So knowing that just about 5 minutes before I knew they would get to wind sprints I slipped into the class. Now remember the rest of the class is at this point struggling for their 3rd and 4th wind, much less a 2nd wind.

So once the wind sprints started I was Usain Bolt, I am already sneaky fast as I have told u many a time. But combine my Ninja quick with already fatigued persons and I was lapping peeps!

I was so far ahead of everyone for the return half of the sprint it looked like I was running by myself. When we switched to relays my team of 6 was finished before some teams got to their 4th runner.

In one of the relays I was so cocky I ran an extra time and we still won. Now I did not do this for ego, but rather just for the fun of it: But best believe that when a girl complimented me. - I preened like I had just won the gold

So u would think that after invading the class just to 'show off' in sprints I would stick around for the rest of class. You would be wrong. Sprints ended and so did my class participation, I left my valiant competitors and headed back to getting my 'swoll on'

Jersey Shore or “you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers”

2011-02-04T11:14:00.000-08:00

Is the Sitch really hitting on the girl with the line “I’ve got Situation pajamas for real”. Any girl that has watched the show has to know what that means.

I worry when I like Ronnie’s actions towards Sammie…cause I do not want to feel like a misogynist. But then Nicole loves it, so I do not feel too horrible. However, no matter how bad I feel about Ron’s treatment of Sammie…the fact that Sitch is trying to smush in a room that contains a couple puking almost requires a special award. I cannot think of one because I am so disgusted, but it needs an award.

Snooks fell asleep in the dog enclosure. Hahah why does that feel so right?

“Why is Ronnie bleeding out of his ass?” Hahah Sammie seems way too happy to say that. Watching the doctor explore Ronnie’s anus on TV is disturbing…come on MTV we could have had this closed door. So Ronnie’s bleeding may be caused from too much drinking? Cot damn dude, you drink way too much when that is an issue. I have friends who are raging alcoholics and this is not even close to happening to them…or maybe it is and they keep it A BLOODY SECRET.

So the topic in the car is female masturbation: This sadly is what I think will be the deepest conversation of the show and we are only 10 minutes in…maybe I should stop watching this show. But Nicole and Ofelia would kill me. Snooks rides a tricycle and breaks it, no, really, no one saw that coming.

“I told him I am taking his sperm” Snooks keeps her position as the #1 contender for the Situation’s poet laureate crown. Watching these kids out at clubs I remember my college days…and I really hope I was not like this group. Though, sometimes I do have flash backs to Spring Break in South Padre – not saying it was anything like this and since I never lie, I will just stop talking about my memories. I love that Deena blatantly tells everyone that they need to go home immediately because she has plans ‘to cuddle’. But then in a surprise move tells us that “it is not Halloween I am not hiding out candy for free, you need a golden ticket to get into these drawers” watch out Snooks you may lose that contender status – then Deena immediately gives it up. Somewhere Chapelle as Rick James is laughing “Yeah I stepped on your couch”. Back to contender status, Snooks in the middle of sexual escapades announces “ugh…my period” now you might wonder how could that put her back to #1 but really, it is short sweet and effective it lets you immediately know what is happening.

Snooks explains to us why she never enters the ocean and why it is salty (she also shows us that she is a brilliant scientist as well as the #1 C.) “It is all whale sperm”. Is it bad of me that I would think that, that would be an incentive for her to enter the ocean?

Oh no, did that idiot really think that Pauly D was an answering service? Answer: Yes. The usual ‘Skins’ ad aside: Why is it that none of their ads grab my attention or even make me want to consider their show? But the Ronnie Xenedrine ads? Whew that level of bad acting cannot be skipped through, I have to stop and watch him try to read his lines every time.

I noticed 2 things while the girls were at the sex store: Deena clearly got jealous at how Jwoww looked and secondly Sammie looked like she went because she felt it was an obligation.

“What don’t I do for Sam, beside wipe her ass and cook for her?” Ron sneaking into the contender ring – Watch your backs Snooks and Deena.
The T-shirt job gig is so blatantly fake: they make about 30G an episode they clearly do not need or care about this job. Their boss noted that they came in 2 hours late and they are not even wearing their ‘work t-shirts’ and they do not even try to apologize instead they attack him. The t-shirt shop just needs them for free publicity because otherwise they are the worst workers on earth.
Another show that just cannot grab me is ‘My life as Liz’ it looks horrendous. Nothing in its ads makes me feel like it is for me.

“Face down ass up that is the way I like to have a good time” Deena is really rolling for the crown. Oh and yes Tracy “Face down ass up” is a song! Deena asks Pauly D a valid question “Are you really bringing the stalker home?” Pauly complained for much of the first season that a girl was a stalker, then she throws a drink in his face this season…and he brings her home. Damn this chick is sitting through a million stalker jokes and she has the crazy eyes. She is NOT meeting the proper ratio of hot to crazy. Hot Crazy scale HIMYM watch and laugh

Ronnie and Sammie are fighting surprise, surprise. They are breaking up AGAIN. Sammie wants him to look her in the face to break up…then when he does she wants to talk some more. Methinks the lady did not think she would get called out. ‘Drive Angry’ – they have clearly run out of movie titles and Nick Cage will take anything offered, I doubt he even reads a script anymore he just hears he has a role and he signs the contract.

Oh wow, before seeing the show I told Nicole that I think Sammie was only on the show because Ronnie was there. And then Ronnie basically calls her out with my exact words. I am slightly afraid when Ronnie says things like “her not being with me, I can make her time here miserable”. That is the kind of thing you hear from dudes that well…let’s just leave that alone.

And I was right, female masturbation was the deepest convo of the episode.

Sometimes my dreams wake me up v.12.3

2011-01-30T23:23:00.000-08:00

Last night my boys and I went out drinking and then we got a late night Philly Cheese Steak. I have often heard people blame late night food for causing crazy dreams and maybe now I have to believe in that viewpoint.

My dream last night was so vivid and 'real' that I did not get a good night of sleep, all bloody HOUR that it was. I may have to avoid late night Philly's if they really cause vivid dreams because I cannot afford my sleep to be affected by dreams with the horrible insomnia that I suffer from. I also find it weird that I was able to fall into a dream so quickly. I wonder if my insomnia allows for quicker REM cycles and entering deep sleep stages faster than normal folks. I could look this up, or I could wildly speculate...I will go with wild speculation and say that I entered it rapidly and that is not normal.

So Derek has been insisting the last few times I have been around him that I should do stand up comedy. An idea I am very resistant to. I am witty in small settings, I can easily make fun of people, their mistakes, appearances, actions and words. But that is because I am relaxed around friends, quick witted and willing to make fun without being mean. BUT, I do not have the ego to think that I could actually stand before an audience and entertain them. In fact to me that would be a horrifying thought. And that horrifying thought is part of what laced the dream. I should add right now that I woke up panting as if I had run a mile or in my case engaged in public speaking, which always charges me up and gets my heart racing.

So in my dream the Eagle Rock clique (yup I call my different groups cliques based on their locations: The Irvine clique, now excludes me; the Hermosa Beach Clique makes me look like a little guy {an aside to the aside: My bro and his gf were having dinner and he saw me walk out of a restaurant with the HB clique and turned to his gf and said words that I have often uttered [Blood relation and mind connection] "When was the last time you ever saw Aaron being the smallest guy in a group?" - I am currently 208lbs and still the smallest guy in the HB clique} and the South Pas/Eagle Rock clique makes us look like the United Nations) were all out at a bar which somehow led to us going to a concert - dreams yeesh u just jump around to locations with impunity.

Derek apparently knows the MC of the show, NT, is a feted celeb, Ofelia has her 'ladies' being ogled by various peeps as she walks the red carpet, Tracy somehow is dating not one but 2 Texas Rangers players and they are with our clique (I think that might have been inspired by the fact that we had drinks in a bar with Robert Horry, some small time actors and a few baseball players) Yau was buying Uggs (look the concert had a great concession store) and insisting that he would not cook crab brought in from outside the arena. But the painful part is that while they are all rolling down the Red Carpet like ballers I was bringing up the rear combing out my afro. Thing is as I walked the carpet I could feel tangles in my fro which I kept trying to twist out (I kid you not I woke up this morning and I had twisted parts of my hair) so I was not getting to meet the fans of the other guys...none of the fans were there for me.

The dream then jumps: Derek is on stage, NT and O are in the front row, T-money is sitting in a player's lap (dirty girl) while the other player looks ticked and Yau has multiple girls trying to talk to him. I however am in the back of the arena, nervously sweating. My brain I think was trying to wake me up, because I started to question my dream while in the dream, I kept telling myself this must be a nightmare because I knew something bad was going to happen. Well in the dream bad things started to happen to peeps around me while leaving me ok. People were getting slimed like the old school Nickelodeon show 'You can't do that on TV'. Anytime anyone answered a question wrong, or had a bad performance, or took too long to start singing they were slimed. It was a horrible mix of American Idol, YCDTOTV, Last Comic Standing, and Showtime at the Apollo.

But, no biggie, everyone was getting slimed but I was clearly safe right? Because no way was I ever going on that stage. So why was I sweating so much? Then I saw Derek grab the mic, NT and O started walking towards me, Tracy started pointing at me, and Yau who was now right beside me yelled "Oh here go hell come" even in my bloody dreams it seems I try to keep racial integrity. I felt my legs start to propel me down the arena, which I realized became the Nokia theater and as I am walking towards the girls I started to remove my watch (leather band - Oh crap, this means I am worried about getting slimed) I remove the gold bracelet because I do not want the force of the slime to break the links (apparently I thought the slime would hit me like a hurricane) then as I am handing them to NT I yell, "This means nothing, I am not going to get slimed I am just doing this because the rules say take off jewelry" I hand O my wallet (hmm...should I be worried that the girls are handed all my valuables?) with the words "try not to spend all of it" I then jump on stage - it's a dream I can be athletic.

I am at this point furious with Derek, and basically threaten him with grievous bodily harm no matter the outcome. I tell him that if I get slimed, his life is forfeit and if I come out on top I am smashing his face in for getting me in this situation. Derek just chuckles (damn it FEAR ME IN MY DREAMS, and in real life) hands me the mic and then does what he always says he will do if we ever go to an open mic, he just starts yelling topics at me, and pointing to people in the audience for me to make fun of.

And I RIP THE STAGE. This is why it was a dream and not a nightmare, I performed an excellent set. I stood up there for 15 minutes and performed. What is crazy about it, is that in my dream I could feel myself on stage and I felt the passage of time, I felt myself running through a whole set. And unfortunately I could also feel myself stealing jokes from other comedians and using them on people in the audience...but I suspect that was necessary for the passage of time in the dream, there is no way I could have actually run through a set without having back up material. But the audience loved me, they laughed like I was Richard Pryor. I was so good that the guy with the slime controls started sliming people in the audience for laughing too hard. He then started sliming anyone I made fun of: By the time I was done almost half the audience was covered in green.

And then because clearly my dreams turn me into a cocky bastard I just held out my arms as if welcoming it all in and had the girls come on stage and replace my jewelry on my arms...because apparently if you are funny, you do not need to use your own hands. My wallet was placed in my back pocket in a rather awkward exchange and Tracy let me know that the players wanted to hang out with me because I was such a cool guy. I then told Yau to pick a girl because the rest were Derek's. Yeah clearly even in my dreams I cannot be a 'playa'.

So since I had created a commitment for Yau, and a 'playground' for Derek, I mysteriously became MARRIED...I think at this point my brain was starting to 'function' again because things really got fuzzy. I was married because I wanted to go home and 'celebrate' (good Christian upbringing) but I could NOT make out who my wife was. I do know that my friends were high-fiving me for such a good choice in the quality of girl and my parents were finally happy with me.

During the wedding that seemed to last only a minute (I suspect residual Vegas flashbacks) I still managed to refurbish my sister's house and win a death penalty case. So just as I was shaking hands with my client (who I really thought was guilty so I was having a crisis of conscience) I winked at the judge and got threatened with contempt of court and...WOKE UP!

Yup...that is my dream and if food is the reason for that brand of crazy, we might be in trouble because I just ate chicken pot pie and ice cream while typing this and it is 12:15am.

The Jersey Shore got me once again, this time with NT plugs

2011-01-17T22:06:00.000-08:00

As always this is live blogged with no corrections so read it with a spoonful of caution and not for grammar
“I blame you for this Nicole”

So let’s do this again, a new epi of JS and NT and I had bbq chicken and pasta so we might as well watch the shore (aka the SHOW-AH seriously that is how they pronounce it) together.

It starts with something we see all the time…Ronnie and Sam fighting. When do they NOT fight? She is now claiming that Ron is the reason she is not friends with all the girls (I have an EX just like this) look, you cannot be mad at a guy for your issues, you need to handle your own stuff.

We see Snooki eating a whole potato with her fingers NT’s only words “EW”. Hahah Snooks tries to stick her hand down Vinnie’s shorts. Snook says “Tonight I just want to touch some cock” and she picks Vin’s because she says “It’s cute” ah the joys of being easy.

Oh nooooooo the Sitch is willing to have a 3some just because it’s a 3some which as he says becomes a “D-some”. “That is like having chicken put on the table with salt and pepper and then they take away the chicken and you are just left with salt and pepper” This is how the Sitch describes the set up with Snooks and Deena getting into bed with him and then Snooks sneaking out of bed leaving him with Deena. “When a guy asks you if you took a shower” you are automatically in the wrong bed!

We are introduced to the ‘Kitchen Ditchen’ where someone waits for a partner to go to the restroom and then runs to the Kitchen to get food so they are unavailable.

“I wanna see Snooki eat it” those are the words of NT as we come out of commercial. Snooks hits the gym without underwear, and then immediately bends over. Snooks claims that her butt is burning so what does she do? What any normal person would do. She sticks her whole rear-end in the mini fridge…and as NT notes “SHE FITS”.

Interlude – Ronnie and Sam fighting again. I decided to call it an interlude because really it is just a portion of every show. Maybe I should call it the hook. “He seems like a beater” I love NT those are her words as she watches Ronnie berate Sam. “I need a mind condom, because I am getting mind F’d” Ronnie’s best line in about 10 shows.

If NT sees another ad for ‘Skins’ she might need a new TV because she is putting her fist through this sweet flat screen. As NT walks away to look at wedding pix she drops this “I cannot believe her ass fit in that fridge and then she said ‘I need to poop’” what is scary

Ron is going to the gym with the other guys, now we know he and Sam are done (who am I kidding…I mean on a break) he is able to go somewhere without her. Wow Paulie’s mimicry of a woman was so spot on that at first I actually thought it was a woman.

Sammi is apologizing. Now am I wrong for thinking that this apology is only coming out because she has NO ONE LEFT TO TALK TO? While she had her boy, she was calling all the girls bitches, hos, sluts and the c-bomb. But now, that she is ‘single’ she is apologetic?

My convo with NT just after Jwoww argues with her BF on the phone: Me; “She is reaching into the back of her closet, you know what that means?” NT; “Yeah she is reaching for the ultra ho gear tonight” Me; “yeah”. Sad that we think alike and we both know what is about to occur.

Not sure what it says about what we are watching when we can compare it to Porn and it feels right. “Dancing is my best thing” so says Deena, 2 seconds before she falls off the stage. How did Snooki just fall while standing straight up? Ok I know that sounds confusing but I mean, she was not walking, she was not dancing, she was not even trying to talk. She just went from standing straight up, to on the floor.
Damn the guy that just told Jwoww he is single just got busted and tried to use the “baby the music is too loud” line to buy some time to get away with not answering. Nice try dude, but there is always the continuation of the convo outside the club moment.

“Who is this fat bitch?” I love how descriptive NT can be sometimes. I do think that if you are snitching on TV you should at least be cute.
Jwoww just peed in a bar, then poured water on it with this disclaimer “I watered it down it does not smell anymore” that my friends is SCIENCE!

Interlude – Ronnie and Sam making up…”F’ing co-dependency is what it is called” NT’s contributions are short, sweet and accurate.

A girl throws a drink in Pauly’s face then Pauly comes on camera and says “I do not know why Danielle the stalker threw a drink in my face” Hmm I don’t know dude, maybe because you call her “Danielle the stalker” on National TV.

“DTFOmeter” Vinny is a classy man. “Vinny is getting it in and my girl does not want to get it in, so Pauly is getting some sleep” Maybe your girls does not want to get it in because you are trying to sleep with her infront of other people who are having sex? The rundown of Ronnie’s laughter by Vin comparing it to a dolphin causes NT and I to actually guffaw.

Snookie just asked her boss if he wants to “Funnel a beer” and his response of “It’s 10.30 in the morning” was greeted by her with “so?” I love this girl. “You are being psycho” is not something I have ever been able to say to any boss I have had, but now I think I have to use it.

I just confessed my love to a friend via BBM…I blame the JS.
NT: “I cannot believe you just made me eat a santa” yup that is our night.

Snooks is trying to take her purse into the ocean, pure class that girl. It must be nice to be fearless with cops: The cops are trying to help Snooks out and she starts to curse at them and fight them…none of my ‘tanned’ friends would ever take that chance with cops.
Deena just called what Snooks did “Drunken indecency” that should actually be a charge. NT wants us to file for that to actually be a code section.

Jersey Shore, 01/13/2011

2011-01-13T23:10:00.001-08:00

(live blogging the jersey shore, do not judge, syntax, spelling, grammar or overall ability to write)

Hmm I don’t think I have ever done a Jersey Shore blog (not because I am better than this c.f. my Flavour of Love blogs) but tonight’s episode started off so strong it compelled me to put the laptop on the stomach and start typing. Maybe I will get lazy halfway through and quit, but for now let’s blog it.

So we pick up this week where last week left off with Sammi and Jwoww trading blows. The best part to me is that of all the guys only Vin tries to separate the girls. All the other guys including the bf of one of the participants just sit there. Look while I would never hit a chick, I could never see my girl getting smacked around and not step in and at least try to pull the other chick off her or at least hold the girl so my girl could pound her. Ronnie just sat there like he was wondering if he could do roids on camera and not get caught. Bear in mind that this fight is occurring on the bloody first night. How long are they there for? 6-8 weeks?

An aside (Pauly D really needs to get a new spot to live in)

Pauly and Vinny together did not know that women do not just walk around with milk in their breasts I almost hope they are playing dumb for the camera. If we got rid of the Jersey girls and guys and their use of hair spray, could we fix the hole in the Ozone layer?

I am not the greatest dancer on earth, but watching these kids dance makes me think I could challenge anyone in Jersey to a dance off and WIN!
That girl following Vinny has some strong stalker tendencies if we could just set her on Bin Ladin or any of America’s most wanted we would get things done.

“I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush and I will hide in a bush”—Snookie, America’s next great poet.

When drunk and calling your ‘significant other’ you might not want to call with petty things and FORGET that it is your bloody anniversary. (I suspect there will be more to this later in the season, since they kind of just glossed over it)

Hahahah, Vinnie pulled a fast one on Mike. Look if you are doing a threesome, you might actually want to stick close to your 3some. Watching Vin close the door of the smoosh room on Mike blocking him out is bloody funny. But Mike then rejecting Deena who threw herself at him…classic.
Snooks: who are you stuck with
Mike: no one, a peanut butter sandwich
Deena: or me
Mike: No, I’m good.

Paulie’s ability to add the words “Oh yea” to any situation is bloody impressive. That way he is able to rhyme any phrases.

Skipping out on Sunday dinner is not cool. These kids barely have any worthwhile traditions but that is one that I actually respected. But not waking the Situation up for gym time was in his and Snooki’s words “Not cool”. These kids treat family dinner like the Mob treats sit down meetings. Everything gets squashed at family dinner, how else are the 5 Burroughs going to get their treaties together? I love that everyone talks big when the persons they are talking about are not present then as soon as the objects walk in they all clam up. Sitch was talking a big game and then as soon as Sammi and Ron walked in, he goes out to smoke a fag. “She is boring, she is like furniture” Deena just summed up Sammie perfectly; I think I might love the new girl.

I thought they were all going to rip the 2 bums a new one for skipping family dinner? Instead we got something akin to diplomatic posturing. Did Snooki’s tits get larger while she got smaller? I feel like when I am watching her confessionals all I see are 2 beach balls staring at me and sound is coming from the center of them like a ventriloquist dummy.

These kids have the easiest job on earth, they are selling T-shirts on a Boardwalk, the job does itself, and yet they complain constantly, and they suck at it…

Did Vinny just hint that he could not get his junk into Snooki? I am pretty sure he just said that she should have licked it before he stuck it.

Sammi eavesdropping on Ronnie talking to the Sitch is kind of like how I imagine the Feds listening in on drug calls. The reaction from Ronnie when he looked over his shoulder and realized she was looking is how I am sure I would react if I were selling drugs and suddenly saw a cop over my shoulder: A nice mix of “oh crap” and “can I run fast enough”.

So let me get this straight Sammi: Ron hangs out with his boys for a night and invites you out, but you make this statement “I feel like I am all alone in this house”? Does he have to hold your hand 24/7? I feel like she picked a role for herself coming in, as if she made the conscious decision that she would be the worst possible roommate and has decided that no matter what fun activity happens around her, she is going to be pissed. Whew she just said “I would rather you cut me off” than continue to hurt me. I do not think she realizes that she is telling him he has a tonne of power. Guys are not supposed to be the ones who can cut off the sexual supply, the girl is supposed to be the one with the hose and the guy like the starving desert. My friend NT is convinced these guys hit each other…I am starting to believe it.

Till next week, where we get to see Snooks try to walk into the ocean with her purse…

Exes, birthdays, oysters and suits

2010-12-30T00:16:00.000-08:00

Whew have not blogged in awhile. Went to ex-gf’s birthday party tonight and it was bloody funny seeing who was there and who more significantly was NOT there.

I love my ex and I think we get along well, which I think sometimes leads me to teasing her unmercifully. I think I get along well with most of her friends (the ones that ‘may’ not like me are just plain evil) and so while they all tend to be doctors and invariably tend to fall into the habit of talking about work, I enjoy myself.

Part of what I really enjoyed tonight was watching the dynamic of the group. There were some girls there that football announcers would in their best hype-voice announce as “THESE GIRLS PLAIN DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER”. To their credit, everyone was very respectful of each other…I felt a momentary flash of guilt for wanting to see a cat-fight: Hope that does not make me sexist/misogynistic. A great part of my night was talking to one girl that clearly did not like the next girl, then immediately talk to the next girl. I felt like I was both Federer and Nadal, serving and volleying with ease. If I did not respect my ex so much I might have tried to stoke the fires, but as it was I was content with just playful teasing of her friends.

I am kind of like that horrible movie (I think the name is Good Luck Chuck,) girls would get with the lead character and immediately afterwards get with the guy of their dreams. I have been checking up on my exes and they are ALL locked down. Of course we are also of the age where many tend to get locked down but I still am shocked when peeps come out to dinner and they are married. I still do not look for rings, but I am noticing them more… Anyway kind of the point of this is, I went on a pseudo-date with a young lady, whom I thought was ‘single’ and the very next day, actually later that night, I saw her Facebook post exalting the fact that her hubby was back…uh OH? Hahahah, this is how guys who are being gentlemen (nice treatment etc) can get themselves in trouble. Oh well, at least we had a fun time.
Ladies, please do not use me to make your boyfriend’s jealous. In fact, let us narrow it down more, do not use my voice to make your bf’s jealous. DO NOT have me talk in the background while you are on the phone with him to make him realize that other guys will take you out. I am on vacation, I am here to have fun, of course if you call me I will go out with you, it is your responsibility to warn me in advance that you have a man.

Why are oysters so bloody cheap here, and so bloody expensive in the States? A dozen for the equivalent of $2.25US should worry me…instead I cannot get enough of them. You would think that with tourists dying here of food poisoning I would slow down on speculative food choices, but instead I am devouring fish, peppa-shrimp, lobster, oysters, sushi, and having all my beef products cooked medium rare. Maybe subconsciously I am just hoping to get just slightly sick enough to lose some weight the hard but fast way – I have to fit the 2 damn suits that I stupidly had taken in just before coming on vacation (one of my dumbest clothing choices ever). I am going to a wedding in Vegas 1 bloody day after I come back in from Vegas; I should probably just budget for buying a new suit in that single day and having it rush tailored.

Oh speaking of suits, bought a pretty decent grey suit while here…actually my Dad presented me with the suit, but I love the connections, English tailor, selling me an Italian suit, which is mass marketed in China, sold to me in Jamaica and on its way to America.

Since this blog has exes involved; to another ex…sorry re your friends. Anger makes me mean; thank goodness they were not in front of me!

My Neighbour and I are trying to kill ourselves!

2010-11-16T22:52:00.000-08:00

He is trying to cut weight for a tourney and I am just trying to cut weight. Take today for instance. He ran 3 miles in the morning, I ran (really walked) 2 miles, we then both later in the day did an Insanity Dvd workout and played a set of Tennis (which of course includes the warm up.

So you would think that would end it, but noooo, I remembered at about quarter to midnight that I really needed to get groceries that were on special and I had made a pact to myself that I was not driving to the store anymore since it was so close. So I had to put on my plimsolls and set off in a jog so I could make the one mile journey rapidly.

The main problem is that, being the crazy kid I am, with all the working out, I ended up eating, a tonne of ham, steamed veggies, then baked pasta, blueberries, butterscotch cookies, 3 bowls of ice cream, some pumpkin seeds, and then a ham sandwich...yup, you try running with that junk in your stomach. So the trip to the store was agonizingly slow. And since I just jumped up from the couch and set off running I was basically wearing a shirt that should just stay in the house!

Thankfully at midnight, there are not that many people in the grocery store so really my hotness meter did not take too severe a hit. But, on to the reason why I ran to the store, I have a few holiday parties that I am cooking for, so I needed to get chicken and when chicken breasts are $3 off per lb, you kind of want to take advantage of the sale (even if it ends at midnight and it is 15 minutes to).

The problem with not driving to a store and then loading up on products sold by the lb is that you then have to WALK BACK HOME. So at midnight in a shirt that should be hidden, and with 3 grocery bags with 30lbs of chicken (not very evenly distributed) I had to walk home. A cop car pulled up and stopped near me at one point (not for me) but I was sorely tempted to request a lift, but really no smart man enters a cop car unless he has to! Especially when you are my complexion and in Hermosa. For much of the trip I was thinking, "Man I really wish I had worn a jacket" and "Damn, I really wish plastic bags had better handles" those suckers really cut into your hand when carrying heavy objects.

So here is hoping that I will some day learn some portion control but till that day, looks like I will be back to crazy work outs and crazy binges.

At least I know I can look forward to some Amazing Jerk chicken on Sunday

Birthday week...so sick again

2010-09-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

It is amazing and clockwork. I always get sick the week of my birthday. I suspect it has something to do with the season changes that tend to occur right around this time. Since well what the hell else could it be? Maybe its the damn kids all going back to school and swapping their special hellish brand of incubated diseases. I am healthy all year, had my flu shot; Been working out for the last few weeks, (dropped 13lbs - Yeah buddy), even slept an hour more per day than normal. But just like always I am sick. Last year I was able to clear up just in time for my 30th (though I kind of hid some of it) I was a wreck internally). So far this year I am dragging. I am supposed to be working on a prospectus right now, but it was swimming in front of my face. I am so hunched over the desk that if anyone came by they would think I was some drunk that snuck in (I was too sick to shave the last 4 days, so I have a straggly beard, which goes great with the un-tightened braids and the blood shot barely open eyes)

R.I.P. Cousin Azeez

2010-09-15T13:54:00.000-07:00

(This is a very late post. I had it just sitting in my saved box for ever because I just had a hard time posting it)

My cousin died due to his car plunging into a canal in Florida and he was submerged under water for 20 minutes. I cannot explain the sorrow I felt when I heard the news. It was just so shocking to deal with and to believe that a man who was so vibrant was just gone like that. But the thing that hit me hardest was that he left my cousin and her 2 kids. I just felt such a sense of loss when I thought about what his loss meant to their immediate family.

It is weird that I rarely feel much pain when death occurs. But this one hit me hard because of I guess the family connection and I just cannot get over how it occurred and what was left undone.

I do not want to go into too much detail the news does a decent job on it here

Just reading the words "oldest child, 21-year-old Javeed." makes it hard to stomach...I think especially because I remember when Javeed could be held by me in one hand while holding my other cousin Andre in the other

I will miss him and my heart goes out to mi familia

Shaq and Hoopz engaged?

2010-08-23T01:58:00.000-07:00

Insomnia is a hell of a thing: Because of it I am up listening to Sports talk radio and hearing the rumor that Shaq may now be engaged to Hoopz from the first season of Flavor of Love...come on Shaq this better be false!

Since I am lazy I will just link to a site that showed up when I googled the rumor http://thetvrealist.com/gossip/Shaq-and-Hoopz-Engaged-3352193.html

At least I can fall asleep knowing that of the many crazy things I do constantly, multi-millionaires do crazier things...allegedly.

"Oh NO NOT Jaeger" vol 2.3443

2010-08-08T01:05:00.000-07:00

Tonight was another episode of the Hermosa beach chronicles. There was a mini-day drinking episode since Rose and I went riding and then stopped at my boy JC's (big mistake) before doing the second leg of our ride...well thanks to the power of persuasion and alcohol the 2nd leg never occurred.

If there was any doubt that I cannot get drunk, tonight should prove it. My cup at JC's place for all my drinks was a 48oz big gulp cup. The average drink is supposed to be 8ozs but who really drinks that? So lets say that we are drinking 12ouncers I was still drinking at 4xs the normal drink rate. OR, if you want to pretend that we normally drink 16 ozs then I was doing more than 2.5 drinks every time I took a drink (if my math is off, forgive me, I am lazy and it is late) I went in on drinks. We all watched the UFC fight together. I even got Rose to stay (shocker) and I drank all the way through the prelims of the fight through the main fight and after the fight. It was so bad that we drank on the way to the club post fight. Rose ditched us, so anything crazy that happened after the fight would be her fault (but luckily/sadly nothing crazy happened).

Looking through my photos (and yes for once I had the camera with me) the craziness of the night was bloody apparent. Supposedly I am passive aggressive in blogs towards my ex (which is bad - especially since I do not realize it) so I am going to try and be good in this one. Considering that my drinks tonight measure in the dozens not the singles anything that I post should be true and not passive right? Because I do not want to be a hypocrite I texted my ex because well hell we never talk anymore and while I know many of the reasons we broke up, I should still at least be polite...and I am not normally polite. *Expletive deleted, *Expletive deleted, *Expletive deleted. Ok just kidding, anyone who knows me knows I do not actually curse. I miss my ex, but the fact that we never talk, ticks me off so much that I do wonder if the feelings I am missing is the fact that I just want to argue with her and not rather that I want to be with her? Nah I am kidding, I miss the good times. I just hate the back and forth and the subterfuge.

So the title of the blog...you might notice that it says Oh no not jaeger! Well I HATE bloody Jaegermeister, I think it is designed to make persons puke. Thankfully I have never puked in my entire life (seriously ask my mom, ask my bro, my dad, hell ask my ex...I never puke) but Jaeger I think takes me the closest, yet everyone I know when buying a round of shots, seems to get Jaeger, bloody disgusting, and out of a misguided sense of camaraderie I always take the damn shot/s! It is easy as a reader to just say "do not drink it" but we all know that in most cases we all will take drinks that maybe we should not do, because others are doing it. And in my case when it is well documented that you do not get drunk it is a lot harder to convince people that you do not want to take a shot when it is clear you can handle the shot. So while I HATE the taste of Jaeger, I will drink it if I must..."above all, be polite" - damn British based education!

I was told this week that I will once again be an officiant at a wedding. Since I am sworn to secrecy regarding the persons in the wedding (not yet time to reveal) I can only sit here in amazement that another friend trusts me to take them along this most sacred of paths. I am honoured, humbled, horrified (alliterative) hesitant to be an officiant again. Look I know you are impressed that I banged out 4 H-words that actually made sense but like Papoose (google him) I can engage in "Alphabetic slaughter": off the top of my head for 3 bars:
A- Aaron's absolutely, amazingly apoplectic at Amazons appearing at Alcohol Arenas (aka tall women at bars). But beverages bring better buttocks before brothers!

See? I am a lyrical genius. If you are on my BBM you already know this...right Ofelia?

Nights like this are when I really, really (one more?) really miss the Texas clubs! A track like Gucci Mane's "Wasted" sounds so much better in Texas bars with the increased bass line that the ATX bars tend to pump out. Heck even the College Station piece of crap 4 bars in a row areas still bang out the heavy bass. It is still hard to stomach when I am out here and hear, not only edited music but a weak bass line. When in the club (and this is true in Jamaica and Texas but rarer in Cali) I want to hear a bass line that rattles fillings and plays every available curse line in the song: While I do not curse, I expect that once entering an establishment of 21 and up, that I will hear at least 'adult' music!

(An aside: Only the WWE heads will get this, but Vicky Guerrero's weight loss is making her look damn good - shout out to Dan K - who probably disagrees with me.)

So this group of persons in the bar tonight were being really mean (read assholes) to their waitress and in general just making life miserable for all near by. They cashed out early and I watched the young lady who was "putting it all" on her card take money from her friends and then pay out the tab. Only thing is, she thought she was being generous and leaving a nice tip but she was way more generous than she thought. On a $40 tab, she signed off on $160 dollars, I know she only meant to put $60 on her card because I over heard the conversation but she was so drunk she added a 1, and because they were so annoying, I did not stop them even though I knew what they were doing. Nice tip for the bartender and wait staff, and a decent little lesson to the group of princesses.

Trending towards the end because I know this is long, but hey, I rarely blog any more so think of this as your week long blog and read it in parts if you have to: I suffer from Photic sneezing. What sucks about it is, well everything. It can strike at anytime. any bright light can trigger it (mainly sunlight - as sadly some people have had to witness - read exes who wake me up too early) and it once triggered is impossible to control. Well tonight I had an attack. Once the lights came up for last call, I had an attack. I was talking to people and suddenly started sneezing uncontrollably because the lights to kick us out came on...not a good look.

Currently I rock my hair in braids (mainly if being honest, because I am too lazy to comb it out everyday to maintain a decent afro) so I pulled loose a braid just to check on my hair length, I now have hair that is over 5 inches long....no clue what I am going to do with it. It is getting harder and harder to just brush it out and make it look presentable for court. I may finally just wear the damn braids to court and stop 'wetting the hair and using a bandanna to keep it compressed to get in the courtroom'.

The problem with drinking a tonne and never getting drunk is the fact that I am never going to be able to go to sleep! Why you might ask? Because every few minutes I have to go to the restroom and micturate. So you get a longer than average blog because well I am just rambling and really this only takes about 10 minutes to type, even if it takes a half hour to read (sorry).

I think its time to end this, but let me end it with a complaint. I had to go to eastern California this week for work. It was the HOTTEST I have ever been in my entire LIFE. The temperature was 112 degrees in the shade, and sadly that was no exaggeration. At one point I switched shirts because I was just sitting down writing up a report and sweated right through the shirt I was wearing. It was so hot that the braids I had freshly plaited fell down because my whole head was so moist I could not sustain the braid. I drank 144 ozs of Gatorade and water and peed once the whole damn day, and people normally make fun of how often I pee. I have no idea how people live in the Cali dessert, those who live there might have adapted to it, but I know I will not!

So I am watching the movie "Who's the Man" and as I type it is the scene with Naughty by Nature and they are performing OPP, so I guess one more SHOUT OUT TO OFELIA ;) ok I Kid, night y'all.

Congrats on the Wedding X. Once you allow us to talk about it,I will give you a proper shout out. Till that happens, keep hooking me up with court appearances and freaky fun, friendly, female, friends, from familyesque functions. (Alphabetic slaughter!) I rest my case!

AVP beach day - Stride forced promotion

2010-07-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

Stride Roaming Extension

All I wanted was a piece of gum

Congrats Samir And Karina and general hodge podge

2010-07-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

First things first. It was my tremendous honor to officiate the Wedding of Samir and Karina this weekend. I am still shocked they picked me, and I hope I did not mess it up too much. The couple was so lovely, Karina was beautiful in her dresses (yup plural) and Samir cleans up well.

I rocked an Afro because I did not think braids would be acceptable and since my scalp has not seen the sun in awhile I could not shave it - refused to have a glowing dome for an outdoor wedding.

It was basically a big Sunny Hills reunion, I am quickly and scarily realizing that I know a tonne of peeps from that school.

Another thing I am noticing is that I tend to meet people who seem to know people, that know people that I know (yup the sentence is confusing because that is how it feels for me here). At the rehearsal in Fullerton, I met a friend who I became friends with in Hermosa, through Northern Cali friends who have nothing to do with the So Cal friends of my new friend who just happened to be part of the wedding. Millions of people in So Cal and yet everywhere I go, I tend to meet peeps I know...guess it is a sign that I tend to move in the same circles no matter where I live/visit. Heck even wine tasting in Santa Ynez I met up with friends unexpectedly.

"They be like Smooth (what), Can you teach me how to dougie?" - - Horrible song, but it is stuck in my head and I actually like the simplistic dance...shame on me, I accept it. And now for all posterity it is on the wedding video.

The grooms men all wore pink monogrammed socks with rhinestones...yup, I can rock anything proudly. Most of the reception had me walking around with a pant leg pulled up - look if I am going to have to wear a sock like that, and take pix with it, I might as well just show it and the stellar right calf off. (yup still calf pressing 400lbs with each leg, strongest muscles I have...I want the world to know).

Right after talking about leg muscles I should point out...my left leg feels like it is broken. I was so tired from the weekend (just not sleeping enough - in 4 days, I slept 6 hours) and working too much the last few days of the week I was not careful enough and strained the leg. So no it is not really broken (never broken a bone) it just sucks right now. So painful I could not even test out the road bike I was going to ride for the first time this week.

Avid cyclist that I am, I have been riding since the age of 3 I have never ridden a road bike! It was tricycle to BMX (never a huffy man), to Trek, to Trek, to Trek to Stolen Trek (if I ever find you you bastard, dog nyam yuh suppah) to now the hybrid mountain bike that causes me pain after mile 15. Almost afraid to test the road bike, because I love trails and I do not want to become spoiled by the smooth ride of a road bike and then have to spend money on maintaining 2 damn bikes!

Already in World Cup withdrawal.

The anger towards Lebron is amazing. Yeah he announced his decision in a crappy manner, but the vitriol poured out towards him is insane. Who does it really help to riot and burn jerseys?

Bloody strange summer in SO CAL, the rest of the nation is roasting with heat waves and we are actually dealing with overcast skies most days.

"Damn these dudes are Sequoias"

2010-06-19T02:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing like standing in a bar with 3 guys infront of you and the shortest guy is 6 foot 7. Let me point out I am just around 6ft 220lbs so I am by no means a small guy and yet I felt like a little person. At one point one of my boys was looking for me and he was just on the other side of the human forest and could not see me.

So I went out in Hermosa tonight, first time in a long time that we went out with a reduced crew. Most of the crew was out of town or with family...with that reduction in numbers you would think we would get in less or no trouble...nope

I am always amused by songs that most people claim to hate or use words like 'awful' 'sucks' 'ridiculous' but once played in a club with 'club bass' they are irresistible to dance to; think almost any Soulja Boy song. I know most peeps clown that kid, but wow he knows how to put together a beat that will make you at the very least bob your head.

Funniest moment of my night, standing outside a dive bar, some random chick walks up, and deposits her equally random friend beside me and says "Take care of her, I am counting on you to get her home safely" UGH NOOOOOO!!!! I immediately told her not to leave her friend and to make sure to put her in a cab. I understand that she might have been drunk, but that is just crazy, and not the best way to take care of your friend.

By the way, "My dougie" is such a ridiculous song (see how that works) but I love doing the dance in a crowd in the club.

This is what happens to my Friday nights when I am 'waiting on a call' I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had actually planned to go out tonight.

Let us go even more stream of consciousness than the above.

- Hanging out with cops in a bar is surreal and can kill harmonious vibes
- the US team got hosed by the referee today
- Drinking over 120 ounces of ANYTHING is just too much and yup I counted, I had to since the night started off with my boy handing me a 32Oz cup...just crazy
- Glee has its funny moments but I am not sure I can stand all the singing - and yup I know that is the point of the damn show...I accept the conflict
- Being able to walk to all the bars is damn good, until it becomes an unbreakable habit
- Mean people suck, nice people...hahah ok I just wanted to make sure you were reading on
- Seriously, I hate flakes, and I hate peeps who are passive aggressive (I am too and I hate that about myself) if you are pissed at me, just say so seriously no weird goodbyes or rolled eyes.
- Guys who mean mug in clubs crack me up, I am too old to be fighting, and if you can get in the club so are YOU!
- The girl that called out her boy by telling me that he acts aggressive but is too scared to ever throw a punch was awesome and funny, and should probably not be with that Jackass.
- Peeps are way too relaxed around me: things I heard tonight "Going home to my booty call", "I love to eat pussy", "Black is the only color for me", "You need to bring me girls with big tits" My response "I do not know you": which led to "It's cool man, just bring me girls with big tits"
- I miss blogging, I am lazy and I barely even put up Facebook status messages but I miss blogging, I do it less and less because I do not trust myself, but I miss it.
- Seeing the Grunion run is AWESOME
- "You can call me nice all you want but I am a bad boy and bad boys do bad things" Now holla at me with your cute butt, we are going to the gym!

Talked to my ex for 1hour and 28 minutes and country music

2010-04-25T00:48:00.000-07:00

And...it was illuminating. I actually enjoyed the conversation and it made me realize we do not talk enough...which of course is part of why we are exes. Anyway on to the Hodge-podge:

- I have been working out like a fiend, I discovered that I have gained 42lbs since last July. Everyone who hears it says "That is because you were comfortable" that is just an overly nice way of saying "You let yourself go". The fault is mine, it is nice to blame others but the fault is mine, just because others do not like the gym, does not mean I can then sit on my butt knowing that since I do not diet, I have to work out.

- Because of the weight gain, I have been busting my ass in the gym, and I am paying for it. I now have a horrible case of plantar fasciitis. It is so bad, that stepping out of bed causes severe pain. I cannot run, I cannot even walk on the treadmill, no elliptical, the only thing I can do cardio wise is spinning which leads me to:

- 3 Out of 4 of my spinning instructors this week played COUNTRY MUSIC...look I like maybe even love country music in small doses and I know it is bloody popular, but it was extraordinary to me to hear it so often used in a situation where I am used to hearing pop music, rap, or techno.

One of the instructors more than half the music was country, it really is hard to work up a lather when hearing about a girl leaving someone (yup I am generalizing the music).

The one however that cracked me up the most, played country music, then followed it with Justin Bieber (hope I got that right, I am too lazy to look it up), the thing is I was so damn happy to not hear country any more, I found myself bobbing along and enjoying the song, whereas normally when I hear that song, I put it out of my mind.

- It is summer time in Hermosa, yup, I know in the rest of the world it is still Spring, but for us...it is SUMMER and I am loving it!

- Of course now that I am 42lbs over-weight, maybe I should not enjoy the summer so much.

My plumber jacked some beers

2010-04-13T00:39:00.000-07:00

I have barely spent any time in my apartment, especially my kitchen which is my favourite place, because there is so much work being done on the plumbing of the place. All the pipes were replaced the dry wall was ripped apart, the shower removed ( I lost 5lbs last week because I have had to shower at the gym and if I am at the gym I might as well work out) the toilet was gone for a day...the water coming through the taps tastes chemically so I have been brushing my teeth with bottled water everything has been sucky for the last week...and I deal with all of that and have not complained to the workers here.

BUT, I think they have taken my kindness for weakness because I just noticed that in my stash of cheap beers (I actually keep a stash for cooking eg. Beer battered shrimp) there is a dent. Yup, the plumbers have been taking/drinking from my private stash. To be honest I do not even care that much except for the fact that everything is days behind bloody schedule. I am beginning to think that the reason nothing can get done is because they are DRUNK!

Every day when I come home to check on things, nothing seems to have moved. If I stay in the house for lunch, I see activity going on. If I just quietly slip in, no one seems to be working. And that leads to another issue, I leave my keys for the workers with the understanding that they lock up when not in the house, they are working on multiple units, so when they are not in mine it is supposed to be locked. Yet last Friday I came home from court, sat in the house for 20 minutes and nobody even realized I was there - then a new worker who I had never seen and who does not know me, walked in looked at me and did not say anything even though I had a laptop in my hand...thanks for keeping my place secure.

Had a good phone call tonight, kind of cleansing

Hodge podge End of February and bad backs

2010-02-26T22:56:00.000-08:00

So off the bat, let me state immediately I am on Hydrocodone, aka Vicodin. I have realized that to call me fat is an understatement I am a whale. I am large enough to take out a trainer at Sea World (too soon for killer whale jokes?). So I have returned to my old school hard core gym routine. Only one major problem, I eased into the routine that allowed me to lose 40lbs in 6 months (I should have taken before and after shots, but I never really thought I looked much different so why bother) well I have been off that routine for AGES and did not take that into account and started hitting the gym hard this week...well the damn gym hit back even harder. My back is now so sore, that I am considering asking my ex for a massage even though we are on non-speaking terms right now...yup it is that bad - the back not the relationship.

I am a lot stronger than I look in some areas. My back muscles are really well developed you just cannot see them because I carry a layer of fat that would keep a bear warm for the winter, and my legs are strong enough to lift a car off of me in an emergency...my chest is so weak that I am embarrassed to bench if a even semi-fit looking woman is nearby for fear that I will get out-lifted, yes its sexist but it is practical, no guy wants to be out-lifted plus it will just cause harm to me, she out-lifts me, then I lift more trying to catch her up and I pass my limit and get injured just because I did not want to be out-lifted!!! Anyway, that is not what happened to me, I just lifted too much too quickly on my back exercises basically thinking it was still a year ago and that I could lift anything. Before I got semi-married I was able to max out a few of the back machines at the gym. This last time, I was struggling to get past the half-way mark on those same bloody machines.

So now I am lying here (what you thought I was sitting up?) typing a blog and watching The Hangover (why waste a potential vike buzz) with ice on my knee and thoughts running through my head like...Why did I ride 15 miles on the bicycle today, knowing that I had a bad back...why the hell is that chick not responding to phone calls (just damn rude)...why seriously did it take me so long to ride 15 miles when I used to do that ride in 35 minutes (I cannot say how long it took now I might just cry)...

I put on a shirt I used to wear a year ago, it was like "Fat guy in a little coat" the sucker clung to me like it was spandex and not in a good way like, "Wow my muscle tee is tight my arms are popping out of here and my chest is swollen" no in my case it was "Wow my muscle tee is tight my arms are popping out of here and my gut is so swollen this shirt may actually split at the seams."

So part of why I have become so damn fat is because I have been experimenting and making great food constantly. For instance I made an orange-bbq sauce for some grilled pork chops and it was fantastic. We have a tonne of fruit at the house and my bro told me to use it up so I decided why not just squeeze some fresh oranges, and a lemon and make an orange sauce and damn it the thing was bloody good, I immediately ate 2 of the pork chops, I think it is now time for me to make crappier food, because honestly I am eating too much of it. Right now I am seriously thinking of making a cake while watching the damn movie, and I am pretty sure that if my back was not hurting so much I probably would despite the fact that I am at the house by myself and I would be the only one to eat it, since I am not sure when next I am seeing anyone else.

Damn the Tiger scene in the Hangover kills me, maybe this movie is not safe to watch with a bad back. Damn this movie is fantastic. An aside I think Tropic Thunder is way better than Forgetting Sarah Marshall but the ex-missus thinks I am crazy, then took a cheap shot stating "you do not know what is funny" why do girls do that? They take shots at us, that we would never do to them. For instance I would never say to her, "the shows you watch suck so bad that I want to eat a bullet oh and your friends are so ugly you do not have to ever worry about me sleeping with any of them!"

Ah, the back is starting to loosen up, maybe I can hit the gym tomorrow and get a leg work out in!

Finally, it is never good when you are watching a raunchy comedy and you are looking at things and saying..."wow I remember doing that" if you have seen the pictures at the end of 'The Hangover' you will know why I might think this is a bad feeling to have.

Biz markee sing the hook for me

2010-02-10T00:37:00.000-08:00

"You, you got what I need but you say he's just a friend
And you say he's just a friend, oh baby"

We all sing along to it, we all chant it, we all love it. But damn it sucks when you think it fits your situation. I have a friend who is in a bad situation, he has a girl, he likes the girl, they seem good to the outside world, she seems to miss him when he is gone BUT, she has a friend who keeps calling/texting and basically creeping.

Now I do not know what to tell him. Violence is not supposed to be the answer but I am almost inclined to tell my friend to smack around the guy that is supposed to be 'just a friend'. Whenever my friend leaves his girl for even a few days, she has dinner with the other guy. He hit on her once he found out she was dating my friend (she shot him down), but it gets better: he hit on her WHILE trying to get with her best friend. It seems wrong, like me my friend is not the jealous type, but I suspect that maybe we are too lackadaisical when it comes to relationships. In fact, maybe my boy's girl should no longer be friends with the sleazy guy. And yup I dub him sleazy, looking back at all the things he has done, I feel slimy just typing about him so I cannot imagine meeting him in person.

But, I could be wrong, maybe all of my suspicions are because I am only hearing my friend's side of the story...maybe! However, I do think that if a girl were hearing about a girl doing all these things to her boyfriend there would be HELL to pay!

I at least hope he got some good pictures out of it...that's right, pictures!!!

Chilean Weightlifter did not know she was pregnant had kid during training

2009-12-16T00:34:00.000-08:00

Zoology degree notwithstanding there are some things related to biology I just cannot understand. And this is one of them. How can an Olympic athlete IN TRAINING and competitions not realize she is pregnant, and not only that she gave birth while training!

I have a hard time fathoming how any woman can go so many months without knowing that she is pregnant. My neighbor did it for 7 months (still disturbing) before she finally found out, just in time to get at least some pre-natal care.

Hope fully this girls kid will eventually come around to being fully healthy. I cannot help laughing at what this trainer said "I could see she was a big girl, round and strong. That's all I noticed." –Yeah Buddy understatement right there.

By the way I love the headlines that find it necessary to put this word in their text 'FEMALE' weightlifter.

Thanks Tiger, now I trust no one

2009-12-15T01:27:00.001-08:00

Granted I am not a very trusting person in the first place, with good reason since people just suck in general when it comes to keeping secrets. But now thanks to the whole Tiger-cheating-saga I trust everyone less. When a phone goes off I wonder what is happening. Heaven forbid someone has to leave the room to talk on their phone you cannot help but wondering what is going on.

I have taken to jealously guarding my Blackberry and I do not even have anything to hide. It just seems like the safer plan. For instance in my case I get weird messages from my friends, no need to have any misunderstandings like why does that text say "Hope to see you soon I have missed you". And since a few of my male friends have names that sound like girl names it could just get more and more complicated.

I never read text messages over shoulders or emails that are being read in front of me. That just leads to trouble. A friend of mine was visiting a girl he was 'daggering' and she received a call while he was there from an Ex. He then over-heard snatches of the conversation and relayed them to me via IM. To me the conversation seemed completely innocent but because he was the one who was 'dating' the young lady every little thing was misconstrued.

I wish I could mock him but...I do the damn same thing. If I hear the wrong thing it sends me into a bit of a quandary. Should I blow up, should I laugh it off? Why is the call at this time? Of course the time that is bad fluctuates. If it is 8am, why is the call so early? If the call is mid-day, are they trying to pull a lunch time fast one? If the call is in the evening, is it a dinner meet up? If the call is mid-night, well come on you know what the thought is then! But of course this is not triggered by every call. I am not a crazy man, I am not even a jealous man. But I do favour the lyrics from a song from ages ago (please do not look it up I am already embarrassed enough I ever listened to that group) "I'm not suspicious, I'm cautious"

So when I see suspicious phone activity: like too many texts messages then followed by phone calls, that lead to whispered conversations or people waiting for me to leave the room before returning calls...I do begin to wonder what is going on.

Then again, someone might just be planning a surprise party for me, yup that might be it. Either way, I still never eavesdrop so I will never know what the call is about. Hahahah damn you Tiger, I never used to care!

You are not a ‘chick’ you are a football player!

2009-11-30T01:25:00.000-08:00

I get supremely tired of the paternalistic attitude that our society takes towards women in general and women in sports. I completely believe in equality, yet many persons who claim they want equality between the sexes hide behind the veil of ‘women are the weaker sex and should be protected’.

Only in terms of actual muscle size are women the fairer sex, but beyond direct head to head competition between men and women there is no reason to consider women as weaker than men, and certainly NOT when they are engaged in their own sporting activities.

Elizabeth Lambert is a football player (soccer in America) who went in a word NUTS during a game. She punched an opponent in the back (granted after she took an elbow), did a few dangerous and aggressive tackles, pulled an opponent down so vigorously by the pony tail (let that soak in for a second) that the girl’s head jerked and she fell to the ground as if she had been shot, and she punched another in the face. Any one of those acts could have earned her a red card and suspensions for a few games, (but the refs did not sanction her – seriously the quality of reffing in all sports this year is atrocious -) taken all together, they obtained her an indefinite suspension.

Now there are some saying that the attention paid to her incidents are because she is female. Look I do not doubt that some attention has been paid to her solely because she is a woman, but at the same time I think much of the attention has been paid because she seriously went CRAZY. When have you ever seen a man engage in activity like that and not get vilified? For instance let me place you on a grander stage but with a simpler act: Zidane in the World Cup delivered a head butt to the Italian defender who insulted him and his family, take note it was one blow a head butt, one act - an instant dismissal, and world-wide shame. Elizabeth Lambert did not receive nearly the scorn that was heaped on Zidane yet I should believe that most of this is because she is a woman? And again, I know in terms of importance the scale is different, the World Cup versus NCAA playoffs but the reactions can be compared. If Zidane had not only head butted the Italian but also punched him, done dirty tackles and grabbed a pony tail (and yup in that game there was enough hair for pony tails) we would still be combing through video tape of the incident.

When American Football players pull players down by the face mask and cause injury, it tends to be the lead on ESPN. Even simple locker room fights get coverage. And yet I have never seen a player do as much in a single game as Lambert did in her game. If Chad Ochocinco ever decides to try and remove the front teeth from his opponent’s mouth in the manner in which Lambert attempted to do dentistry on her foe, I am pretty sure his career would be severely impacted for a year.

But, let us take one of the greatest examples of male players going NUTS in recent history: ‘The Malice at the Palace’ or you might know it as Ron Artest running into the stands with half of the Indiana Pacers riding shotgun with him. Artest started a melee and contributed to one of the greatest non-boxer Athlete punches I have ever seen (I would post video of it, but the NBA takes that down immediately as it goes up so the link would be dead by the time you read this anyway) Jermaine O’neal hitting a tubby guy so hard that I felt it in my fillings. I still maintain that because O’neal slipped while swinging that guy is still walking this earth.

Thanks to that incident we now think of Ron Artest as a mad-man, Stephen Jackson as a man completely willing to rearrange your grill and the Indiana Pacers have become a team that many feel has on purpose decided to become the whitest team in the league (man I really hope that is just coincidental and not really related to the malice in the palace because that would really be sad and a bad reflection of prejudice).

So under the Ron-ron parameters I am now obligated to think of Elizabeth Lambert as a completely insane woman, who should not be let back onto a field until she is completely re-evaluated…only fair right? After all, we are all equal.

Eating my sorrows away vol 232.2342

2009-11-20T20:56:00.000-08:00

May post pix later if I feel like.

Just a pat on the back, how cool am I type blog today.

Expected company, but my company was so busy that when they called and sounded dead tired on the phone I told them to not drive into town, even though I really wanted to see them (back pat)

I was asked if it was no big deal and I assured it was not (back pat)

But really I am torn up inside since I actually put in some serious effort today to try to impress since I have not been the best person the last few weeks (back pat for effort, knife in back for being a bad person)

I cleaned house, vacuumed everything in sight and purchased booze that was liked by friend (back pat)

Then I cooked. (back pat and that is before I even get to what I did)

I bought a fresh pineapple and peeled it so that the meal would be filled with fresh ingredients (back pat)

I deboned then cut up 3 whole chicken breasts into slivers no larger than 2 inches in length and no thicker than 2 mms so that they can flash fry in less than a minute (back pat)

I peeled and deveined 1.25lbs of shrimp and marinated it in a home made sauce (back pat)

Then here comes the labour intensive portion, I took 2 carrots and used the finest setting on the grater and shaved them so that I basically had carrot mush and flakes and anyone who ever does fine grating knows...look out for fingers (back pat)

Then and we can lump this all together, I chopped fresh herbs from the herb garden, fine chopped green onions, garlic, ginger etc and made an amazing stir fry with the chicken slivers, the shrimp and the fine carrot with a special red sauce (chilies, sugar, worchestershire, cane sugar, lemon juice (fresh sqeezed), sea salt, and some jamaican seasonings (boiled then simmered to thicken). All served on a bed of coconut rice yup u guessed it: BACK PAT

I know I know, you wonder why I post all this...well its cathartic, I am boasting and damn it, if I grated a piece of my thumb nail (hahah not really) you can read this post. Now seriously...envy me because the meal was bloody good.

Oh and I finished it off with FRIED ICE CREAM (back pat

Time for a blog, it has been too long, and my eye is hurting so why not

2009-11-02T16:48:00.000-08:00

I cannot read any more cases because my right eye is so irritated I can barely look at pages, sorry for any typos but typing this with one eye open, sometimes both eyes closed and going from muscle memory.

It has been ages since I posted a blog.

Mini rants:
NEVER FLAKE ON ME, NEVER, COT DAMN IT EVER...but if you must, have a pretty damn good excuse, and communicate early and often. Being 2 hours late and then providing an excuse after you receive a call is unacceptable

Took a blow to the throat this weekend that makes it difficult to talk...if u know me, u know that must be torture.

Went out for Halloween, probably wore my laziest costume EVER. Ended up in WE HO, where 90% of the gay guys in SO CAL were, and definitely 100% of the aggressive gay guys were located.

No fights on my end, did encounter an overly aggressive guy, trying to step to my female friend that I was with. He came up and immediately hugged her, I thought at first he knew her, then quickly sensed the awkwardness of the situation. Thing is the kid looked like he might weigh less than 120, and I do not mean 120 like a boxer that packs a punch, I mean 120 like a guy that just does not gain weight. I am pretty sure the young lady could have taken him, but what would have been the fun in that? I gave the most gentle of shoves (to make him step back from her) and could feel the kids whole body shift under my arm. Would have been interesting to see her take him on.

Shout out to the outfits of my companions, very sexy, very wasted at the Abbey!! See above re 90%.

Our colleague that missed out would have spent half the night trying to conceal his crotch due to the scarcity of clothing of our friends. I took a pix but had to delete it. Out of respect to friends and fear of my girl...kidding re fear!

Cot damn, I might have to go to the doc, I really am starting to feel severe pain from this eye. Just great, I am going to walk in, barely be able to talk and just let them scream in horror at how swollen and red my eye is. I just pried it open to take a pix with my cell (too lazy to walk to a mirror) it looks nasty, and it is leaking...not sure what the hell happened. Wonder if I scratched my lens again.

Going to Vegas at the end of this week and yet, I am pretty certain I am just going to spend the weekend sleeping in the hotel room...not feeling it, and kind of worried about the party we are going to!!!

I actually carried a friend of mine out of the bar on Saturday, he blacked out so completely he had no recollection of meeting myself or the girls, or that we even hung out for a few minutes. To his friend Carol (I think that was the name) for the 20th time "OK I HEAR YOU WE ARE COMING OUTSIDE THE CLUB" HAHAH, poor girl seemed so stressed on the phone, and I was trying to hold my friend up with one hand, while trying to use his cell phone to talk to his friend...good times.

I ate way too much candy this weekend. I stepped on a scale last week and realized I have got to go back to working out...I blame the girl (ez I know). I tipped the scale this weekend at the gym at a clean 224lbs. Nope not a misprint, eye or not I made sure to type that one slowly...I WEIGH 224lbs.

So today for lunch I had steak and eggs, protein for the lift that I am going to do tonight. Tonight's dinner will be fried rice, now I know that does not sound healthy but trust me, it is how I lose weight, I dropped 40lbs in 6 months doing things like that and I will do it again.

If I go to Jamaica this heavy my parents will disown me.

Speaking of disown me, putting out an APB for a friend that used to live in America, moved back to Jamaica and has not said a word to me since.

Ok have to stop, I can barely sit up. Going to flush the eye with solution, if that does not work, I will have to scrap gym plans for tonight...and seriously at 224, I need all the gym time I can get!

Selah,

gmail fail

2009-09-01T14:06:00.001-07:00

My gmail has been down for ages today...just great, I need access to files

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINH!

2009-08-11T11:48:00.000-07:00

Stay out of trouble, go get some bunh thit nuong and some pho

“Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage” (though, the horse and carriage concept is a bit outdated…I’m not saying, I’m just saying

2009-08-10T13:20:00.000-07:00

So this is dangerous territory, writing about the fairer sex at a rapid pace and not pausing to think about your words can never be safe (rarely PC) and can lead to fun interactions, but oh well, LETS DO IT!!

A couple of my really close male friends are getting married, and they have both asked me to be in their weddings…it shows the state of my mental deficiency/incapacity/reluctance to accept that friends would get married or that they would want me in their weddings that the first words to both of them were not congratulations but “ARE YOU SURE?” Now do not get me wrong, I went on to congratulate them (sadly Greg had to prompt me on his…My Bad!), and I do think they are doing the right thing (I kid you not I actually wrote wrong thing and had to go back and change it…even my fingers will not come around to the idea) getting married, I just still have moments where marriage seems like an immense leap.

I applaud relationships, I think they are ‘great I think a man is not whole until he finds himself that special someone. But for some reason I still pause when I hear the word marriage…especially amongst my friends!!! Does it say something about the circle I am in? Does it say something about me? For instance, if Assassin right now told me he was getting married I would immediately ask him “When is the baby due?” That is WRONG, yet, 100% predictable.

As a group my friends seem so incapable of staying in lasting relationships that I guess I find it hard to believe that any of us are capable of doing the right thing…but, (and depending on the girl that could be a BIG BUTT [sorry cannot help myself]) I find myself in a relationship and I THOUROUGHLY enjoy it, she is a wonderful girl, treats me right (sometimes) great cook, witty, smart, sexier than anything you have and willing to put up with me (bonus), may it last forever.

How did this happen? I know I had no control over this, in fact I was floored to find out I was in a relationship and that too is part of what inspired this blog: MEN ARE BLOODY IDIOTS, REALLY WE ARE MORONS. I never understand guys that act like they are God’s gift to women, in reality we are LUCKY when they choose us because never mistake it, they choose us. Yeah there might be that random moment when some random quick fling daggering occurs, but when it comes to a long term relationship, they CHOOSE us, we might think we are ‘settling down’ but nope, she has made us stay home.

Is this why men cheat? Are they trying to break away and assert independence, kind of like that docile dog that one day just bites someone? Are they just trying to prove that yes you dressed me up in a pink sweater even though I have fur (you made me wear that sweater vest) and yes I allow you to walk me with a rhinestone studded leash (I went shoe shopping and kept my mouth shut) and yes you gave me a poodle cut even though I am a bull dog (yes I think it is awesome when you tell me how much of a ‘slut’ my ex-girlfriend is) I still have teeth (I have the ability to hook up with others). I swear as I type this I got this IM from Assassin (we are discussing that some cute girl is visiting his home and I called him an unflattering term for promiscuous persons: “ meh... she's here with her bf... eye candy only” - - The leash is on but he is fighting it.

My old roomie, settled down and is happy, I envy that. I want that, I like that he and his wife are making it work. Love is important, it is necessary it is hard to attain. Don’t believe me? Read on dear friend read on. I have a really good friend who seemed to have it all, his girl was making bank, he had a decent job, they had a house, they were together for years (anything over than 2 to me feels like a de facto marriage) the marriage seemed like it was inevitable but, it did not happen. Now when I first heard they broke up I thought to myself, “Dating for over 3 years, why bother to break up now?” Problem is, he was cool with how things were and ‘she’ wanted more. A relationship cannot work if one party is just ‘ok with the status quo’. In her words he needed to ‘get it together’ and while I want to disagree with her…I cannot. After three years I guess you really have to walk down that aisle or walk away from each other.

Amantes sunt amentes (lovers are lunatics):
“It's fine all of the time
Like sex on the beaches,
What else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?” F the pain away by Peaches (other lyrics too raunchy)

I like asking my friends this very simple question: “HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX SOBER?” Now this does not mean blind stumbling drunk just whether the first time they had sex with someone, some alcohol was involved. The results are rarely pretty. In fact (since I am a huge fan of train-wreck theater) the results are awesome. One friend replied with, “I cannot have sex sober”. Think about it in your own life, I am not asking you about the 20th time you and your significant other engaged in sexual congress I am asking about the first time. One of my colleagues (momentary discretion here, no names) has had sex with at least 18 girls and has never had Sex Sober! Strange world we live in, that an act that comes naturally to many, and is desired by many seems to require alcohol as lubrication to grease the wheels. (Some of you can substitute high, for alcohol here and the premise remains the same)

“I hate my girl man, I am going to break up with her”
“Dude I am going to marry her, I love her man”
“Man, I need to leave her”
“She is such a bitch” [2 hours later] “Ok everything is ok now, I love her”
“Should I break up with her?” “Why won’t you tell me what you think?”
“She wants to live together” [she had previously planned to leave the city]
“You just do not understand man, she is just bitchy sometimes, otherwise we are cool”
--All of the above came from one friend over a 6 month period about his girlfriend. This is why I sometimes wonder what has become of my life, if my friends are this crazy, what does it say about me that I am still friends with the lunatics? Like clockwork every week he and I talk about how much he hates her or how much he loves her and yet he will never leave her…this cannot be healthy!

Can a girl stay in a relationship if she does not control all of it? I do not know, I am not trying to spout off, I just do not know. I watch my female friends and they seem to become flustered if they are not fully in control of the relationship (not controlling the guy, that is something else). I joked with a friend and asked her “How is the hubby?” when inquiring about her bf and she freaked out, apparently others had been making that joke recently and she was not prepared for such jokes…hmm Why? I know this blog is filled with questions, but I am just free flowing here and I realize just how little I know about a creature that I have hunted for the last 16 years of my life.

I am friends with all of my exes, I may not talk to most of them, but I am at least friends with them. So many people I know cannot abide to be anywhere near their exes and I find that strange, because at some point you must have been attracted to them, have been compatible with them, what went so wrong that you cannot even be around them? I have an ex that I even think cheated on me (may she R.I.P.) but I have never actually confronted her with it, preferring to go with the Mario Winans “I don’t wanna know” attitude.

However, (and you have to say that aggressively) I cannot abide hearing about any of my exes dating NONE OF THEM, even the ones that I just dated for a short span. So far none of my exes have gotten married; none have become pregnant (well…) or acquired kids. I do not want to date any of them again, yet I cannot stomach the thought of any of them getting married????? I am a weird guy, I am not naturally jealous and I am not selfish, in fact I have a hard time saying no (and friends use this to their advantage, I might as well open up a pro-bono moving company). Yet for some reason I do not want to think of any of ‘my girls’ with other people. I am not naïve and I even understand the science behind the body, but I still pretend that all my girlfriends are virgins, long may they remain pure!

A colleague mentioned to me that he recently re-connected with his ex-wife and he was torn about the fact that she had produced seed and was dating a guy that did not look as good as him (his judgment not mine). I could tell that he was torn up by it, and he came to me for advice, the thing is, I completely understood it, even though it was his ex-wife he still did not want to see her changed.

So many guys hope for their exes to become fat and ugly after they break up, that is the last thing I want. I would never, ever want someone I dated to become ugly, I want to always look back with no regrets, and if ‘she’ ever became ugly I would have to wonder what I saw in her.

Finally, believe it guys, we have no control, NONE, the moment you accept that, you will enjoy your relationships more. Girls dress for each other, not for you. You are barely window dressing on the house; when they take you shopping, you are not there to approve outfits you are there to either talk to them or to make you feel like you are included and have a say (you have none, my girl actually told me that to my face…I already knew it).

I should re do my business cards and on the back put:
“To all male clients please practice saying these words:
- You are right, I am wrong
- Those look great
- Anything you want
- Sweet, I would love to do that
- No, this game is not that important
- I think your sister is pretty [use for an escape moment when you really, really want to get out of the relationship]
Selah,

Jordan Crawford dunks on Lebron James

2009-07-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

So, TMZ hyped their video but turns out Ebaum nation has a much better clip. HERE IS THE LINK...hiding it just made it take on legendary status!

http://ebaumnation.com/2009/07/22/jordan-crawford-dunks-on-lebron-james

Saturday was kind of a good day,

2009-07-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

- Did some legal work – no stress
- Made some good breakfast – fried dumpling, beer and breakfast tortillas
- Picked up some DVDs- nice weekday night plans
- Spoke to the crazy chica – re-enforced my beliefs
- Had dinner with the bro and his girl- good food great views
- Hit the Korean market – yellow tail, ground pork, shrimp and tones of veggies and fruit – FEASTING THIS WEEK
- Hung with the neighbor – beer and wine for supper great, great plan!

MICHAEL JACKSON MEMORIAL

2009-07-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

This should link you to the video!

Can Chris Brown save career with plea deal in assault on Rihanna? | Gold Derby | Los Angeles Times

2009-06-22T18:48:00.000-07:00

Can Chris Brown save career with plea deal in assault on Rihanna? | Gold Derby | Los Angeles Times

Interesting article, it says a lot that I agree with i.e. the Grammys and Oscars are often out of touch with trends and refuse to honor the most deserving for fear of how they might be reflected!

June 13th = a very good saturday

2009-06-14T02:23:00.000-07:00

Test drove a Kia for 5 minutes it lead to a $20 gift card at Korean market. If you have ever been to the Asian market you will know that $20 will put you in food for 2 weeks or more. In my case I wanted a $20lb sack of rice, some booze, some veggies, some meat, some fruit and some seasoning and I only paid $3 thanks to the test drive!!! Good times. And it all started because I flirted with this cute girl in the store and she let me know that free money was being given away.

Assassin and I then stopped at bev mo, grabbed some 'scotchy scotch scotch' and drank to start the afternoon while I grilled 1lb burgers!!!

But the drinking was NOT enough to stop us from playing tennis for 2 hours, it might however be the reason why we completed only one set despite playing for TWO HOURS!!! The game finally ended at 11-9 one set, the second set will be played later today.

Then it was time to go see the hangover; despite the fact that the movie started at 8 and we were still at my crib at 8...but the day was going too well, so of course we made it to the movie just as the final waste of time trailer/ad rolled BONUS.
We drank scotch throughout the movie...then ran to the Loo at the end of the movie (very funny movie, go see it!). Not the best plan to drive home after the movie so we walked into UP since it had been getting rave reviews...I can see why.

Finally made it back to the crib, more scotch, quick walk to the bars. Met a girl who was giving me the 'eye' I FROZE, I mean I completely lost the skill to step to her. Sand Assassin gave me the look of shame (then he froze later when meeting a hot chick...Hahah SUCKER!!!!) Finally screwed up courage at the 2nd bar. Now unwinding, it was a good day/night. Hopefully the Lakers lose later and neither SA or myself dies of alcohol poisoning or the pharmaceuticals that we may or may not have accidentally mixed in with them.

Lebron is a brat, plain, simple and understandable

2009-06-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

It is easy to bash Lebron after his graceless exit following his team’s loss to Orlando over the weekend. A player who has coveted and basked in the media’s spotlight for years suddenly did not want to deal with the harsh light of reality when the biggest question he might be asked would be “Why did your team lose?”

Spare me the he is young excuse. Lebron is 24 and has been in the league for 6 years, he is so mature that most people in their 40s could look to him for guidance. Yes he had to grow up fast but when you have the publicity/support/monetary machine that surrounds
Lebron, you grow up fast.

The fact that the league has not (yet) fined him for skipping out on the post game press conference is farcical and proves the conspiracy wonks right…the league favors its stars.

Many Lebron backers are saying he left without doing the obligatory post game press conference because he did not want to bash his team mates – and that is a defense? I am supposed to believe that Lebron was merely following the principle of “if you cannot say something nice don’t say anything at all”. Well that is (in old sportswriter terminology) HOGWASH. There were plenty of nice things he could have said: “We lost to a better team”, “We got our butts Kicked”, “We were out hustled, out-maneuvered”, “The Magic are a great team”, “Dwight Howard is superman and he owns my team” ok he would probably never say the last one, but it is true.

But if he really wanted to be the ‘King James’ that many expect him to be, he could have come out and said something that I would have really admired, allow me for a moment to be Lebron answering an imaginary question:

Reporter from Cleveland: “Lebron what are your thoughts on this your second straight exit just before the NBA finals”
Lebron: “What can I say? We were out coached so badly that it makes it even funnier that Mike Brown won coach of the year when anyone who follows basketball knows that we won 60 plus games because I play on this team, we caught fire at home, we have great fans, caught many a team flat, played with intensity because for most of our players the greatest thing we can aspire to is a great record not a title. Our coach won coach of the year because writers are often too lazy to look at actual circumstances and would rather just look at plain numbers; “Team X has more wins so they must have the best”. Because it would be too hard to swallow that the coach of Oklahoma has less talent and tougher circumstances and did a much better job even if his team had less wins, or that Greg Popovich had to deal with injuries all year but still got his team a great record. Or how about George Karl and his bunch of knuckleheads, his team was practically transformed in the middle of the season and still he was a force in the West, and this is before we get to the coach of the team that beat us!

“But what are my thoughts? Did you see my team out there? I have a guy making predictions that we are the better team, the best team in the NBA and then he cannot hit a jump shot if you widened the rim to 5 feet and lowered it 3 feet. I have power forwards who could not make my high school team. We could not stop anyone and this team won 2 games ONLY because of me, not partly because of me…ONLY. That 3 pointer I hit in game 3 was ridiculous; did you see how I celebrated after that? And of course no ref dared T me up like they did D ho ’cause I am LBJ, I am that good.

MY TEAM SUCKS, no really put that in the paper, WE SUCK, everyone automatically assumed I would make the finals, and I stared to believe it. I have more commercials out right now than games played in the Conference finals. I might as well go help Kobe look for his “3 championship rings” because that is the closest I am getting to a ring this year. I put up 38/8/8 and still could not even make a game 7 much less the finals. If you think I am going to sign that extension you are crazy or you have some last second ransom you are going to spring on me to force me to stay, because as soon as I can get out of here I am going.”

Cavaliers’ management scrambling to podium: “PRESS CONFERENCE OVER!”

Or of course he could have just said “Both teams played hard” (Shout out to Rasheed Wallace)

But to just put your headphones on and walk out to the bus, that was bush league. To not even shake the hand of your Olympic team-mate, that was tasteless. But, wait, you have been given a chance to redeem yourself, you can hold a press conference after you have had a chance to cool off, surely now you will say something contrite and explain away the childish behavior.

WRONG!

In his press conference a day after the game, LBJ did not apologize for his actions instead he offered up excuses: He told us that he emailed Dwight Howard…look I have enemies I respect enough to actually call if I have to congratulate them, much less a team-mate that I won a gold medal with. He then told the world that he walked off because he is a winner and that winners do not like to lose (ignore the oxymoron for a second) and that no one congratulates the person that kicks their ass.

So what I take from this is that Lebron has never watched a single Boxing match, MMA fight, Karate Tournament, any version of Rocky, a hockey game, a little league match, Tennis (especially Serena vs. anyone from France), old highlights of Jordan (he wears 23 too) vs. the Lakers/Pistons/Celtics. Hell apparently he never played a friendly pickup game, or flag football or just a game of cards apparently Lebron has only ever watched Lebron. It is a time honored part of sports to congratulate your opponent win or lose. It is not humiliating it is respect. It is not humbling yourself; it is acknowledgment of the nature of the shared activity.

Look even Mike Tyson at the end of a fight with Lennox Lewis where he previously threatened to eat Lennox’s children (HIS CHILDREN!) congratulated Lennox on beating him into submission. If Tyson, one of the craziest and most dangerous men ever to engage in an athletic endeavor can have the grace to shake his opponents hand, your not doing it, diminishes you.

But really Lebron – you are a winner so you did not shake your opponents hands? Uhmm, if you are such a winner why is your team now “Gone Fishing” while the Magic play this Thursday? Can you really call yourself a winner when your team just got soundly beaten and LOST? You lost the game and then you lost respect by your actions…man up!

There is currently a very popular phrase in the vernacular of the streets…Bitch Made; Lebron, I never thought I could apply that to you, but those actions this weekend were Bitch Made. This is the first time that I have seen that you lacked that positive male influence in shaping your youth that would have told you…“that is not cool you never walk off like that.”

Some are now saying this has done irreparable harm to your image, I even heard a sports talk host here in LA claim that you would lose endorsements because of it. That is just reactionary talk, you will overcome this, mainly because your marketing machine is so good that they will immediately impress upon you that this can never happen again. But, I hope you will overcome this because of the strength of character that I think I see in you.

You came into the league with incredible pressure on you, and for the most part have handled it better than anyone could have expected, learn from this and come out better than ever.

p.s. I really wish someone when you were 13 had told you, do NOT wear number 23!

Why Orlando could win but the Lakers should…

2009-06-01T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ok the title is not the greatest, I really hate when sports writers waffle and refuse to pick a side, yet at the same time I understand it.

Well if I am going to just wantonly give a prediction, I will say Orlando in 6 with the Lakers having the choking label attached to them!

See looking at that sentence you would say, come on he is crazy, if you are going to pick Orlando it has to be a hard fought series going all the way. BUT, history favors the home team winning game 7s so if I predict a 7 game series and I trust history I would have to give the win to LA, right? And history says the Lakers struggle against speedy guards …Skip to my lou is so much better and faster than Derek Fisher at this point in their careers that the point guard advantage is strongly in favor of Orlando?

The Lakers were the most talented team in the playoffs by far. I know many predicted Denver over the Lakers, but I think most of those predictions were based on hope and fatigue at the Laker hype and Kobe and Lebron puppets. In a head to head matchup there are few players on the Denver starting 5 that could replace the Lakers starting 5. Yes they are flashier, much more likeable guys but when you really dig deep down to your core as a fan, do you prefer likeable to championships? Before you answer that think again about John Stockton…very likeable guy…zero wins. Now if you are a Utah fan would you have traded all those years of Stockton for 2 titles with Kobe?

Or Lakers fans who now claim that the best decision was cutting Shaq. Would you have been fine with having discontent in your team but 3 more titles? Or are you really happy with the last 5 years of your team? I know many now claim that it was a great decision to get rid of Shaq but really, how good a decision was it? The team went into a spiral, has the label of petulant and soft and is one of the most hated franchises in the league…with Shaq you would have been hated but champs. And please do not give me the garbage of Kobe threatening to leave if Shaq stayed. Kobe was a petulant child (maybe still is) who pouts when he does not have his way, he has held your franchise ransom time and time again (hell there was even a rumored threat that he would play for the Clippers) bashed team mates and always came back. He was never leaving as long as he thought he could keep winning with Shaq.

But sorry, I have floated so far away from the topic that I could be a plot line on Family Guy (insert random fight with a chicken here). Orlando presents matchup problems for the ‘Talented Lakers’, who on the Lakers is going to guard Dwight Howard? Other than the refs I mean. I am constantly amused by the new ways in which a ‘superstar’ like Dwight does not get ‘superstar’ calls? Does David Stern have a daughter? Did he catch her in bed with D Ho? Did he defile Stern’s wife? What is it? Lebron gets free throws if a fan from the other team stares at him. Dwight has a foul called on him for a clean block on a 3 point attempt that did not even need replay for the world to see how bogus it was.

Is it because he is signed to Adidas? Is the league owned by Nike? The ads would seem to suggest that.

A colleague of mine has for ages drank the kool aid (probably lemon lime or some other weak flavor like that) that D Ho is soft. I have argued that he is not soft, people just do not give him enough credit and are not exposed enough to his games. I now add to that analysis, I think part of the problem is that when he plays ‘hard’ he picks up ridiculous fouls and technicals and thus has to spend so much time on the bench that his ‘soft’ play is necessary for continued minutes.

To buttress this argument I point to the technical that was rescinded by the league. D ho was being mauled under the hoop by Anderson V (one of the sneaky dirty players in the league) catching the ball he goes up strong and gets a basket and an ‘and one’ he flexes like ‘players with passion’ are supposed to react and he gets T-d up for taunting…hmm. I think because he has the body and strength of Shaq but did not build up the cache of good will and publicity that Shaq had received from his brief time at LSU, D Ho is yet to get the respects of the refs. I suspect that by next year some of the ticky tack fouls that he has to deal with now will no longer be a problem and he will be allowed to be more ‘aggressive’.

The 5 best players in the NBA in no particular order are Kobe, Lebron, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, Tim Duncan (when healthy – increasingly rare), my Spurs bias says that Tony Parker is knocking on that door, before you laugh completely at that, look at his stats in the last finals, and look at his playoffs stats every year, then get back to me with your laugh. I am not sure where to put Carmelo, I think he could replace Paul…but not sure.

Now the problem for the rest of the league is that on that list of 5, 2 have players on their team that can at any given month be in the top 25 players in the league. Kobe has Gasol and Odom. Duncan has Ginobli and Parker. Lebron has a bunch of scrubs (Boobie it pains me to say this, but you have to be more consistent to rise above the scrub label) and a maybe in Mo Williams. Chris Paul has a decent supporting staff, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that pieces are missing and that maybe he is not quite the leader he needs to be, yet. Dwight Howard has a bunch of adequate shooters surrounding him and a ton of players with that immeasurable statistic, Heart!

So in the finals if we looked solely at stars it would be Kobe – Gasol – Odom – D Fish’s knees - over-rated Bynum – Ariza and some mixture of Walton/Brown/and 24 more fouls to give vs. Dwight Howard – Hedo – Rafer Alston (Skip to my Lou) – possibly Jameer Nelson (I listed Rafer first because of health) and a bunch of players that at this stage are just interchangeable.

So on paper it really should be the Lakers, most of the players on Orlando would struggle to make the Lakers playoff roster yet, Orlando has looked like the more impressive team, how come? I say it must be D Ho!

Point to anyone in this league that can guard him; the only physical presence similar to his is Shaq and Shaq lacks his athleticism. If he is allowed to play free of the simplistic fouls that have plagued him, he could systematically destroy the Lakers front line. The greatest mystery to me of these playoffs is the fact that Anderson Varajo did not foul out every game in the first half.

D Ho has the power of Shaq, the athleticism of Lebron, the shooting touch of Vlade Divac and unfortunately the ball handling skills of a first day porn star. If he improves his handle and his shooting touch he will be unstoppable. Have I mentioned that his free throws have improved to the point that a team cannot risk adopting the hack-a-Dwight strategy?

Kobe will get his points, no one in the league is truly a Kobe Stopper, I am looking at you Ruben Patterson, if you are even still in the league. But I suspect the strategy will have to be to try to contain Kobe while shutting down the rest of the Lakers. Lakers fans will hate hearing this but I love seeing D Fish shoot, if he is out there jacking up shots it means that one less reliable Laker has a chance to touch the ball, “shoot Fish shoot”. The wild card as it almost always is; is Odom. Gasol is guaranteed to be consistent, he will get his points, he will get his rebounds, we will all call him soft but he will do the job he is supposed to do. But, Odom, Odom might average 24/11 or he might disappear and turn in 12/6 performances all series.

Odom is basically part of the beauty of sports and why predictions are so difficult…until the game is actually played you cannot really know what is going to happen. Detroit can beat LA when Shaq and Kobe were already being fitted for their rings. Mine that Bird can win the Derby as a 50-1 underdog; while a filly that was not even in the race goes on to win the next leg of the Triple Crown. A tiny island known more for reggae music than sports can sweep the sprints at the Olympics and take the spotlight from a pot-smoker that floats in a pool. And Superman might decide to put on his cape and deliver some Magic in the NBA finals.

Suicide Jumper Pushed...awesome?

2009-05-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

Suicide Jumper Pushed

When you get a chance look at the photos, after the guy pushed him she saluted...that is pretty crazy. I know this is not PC to say, but I completely understand why the guy pushed him. I would not do it, but I understand. Traffic in SD was once snarled for 3 hours because some guy wanted to jump off the bridge...What if I had had a job interview, what if I was rushing my wife to the hospital? Because of your selfishness everyone else's life has to be troubled?

Why must there have to be some showy suicide? If you are just killing yourself to free yourself from debt, why the need for others to see your path/progression?

Again, I do not agree with the guy pushing him off the bridge but wow, can I empathize.

What is funny is that the guy is still badly in debt and now probably has to pay a mint in fines, restitution and hospital bills, almost makes you want to kill yourself...oh oops!

As much as I hate showing Kobe love...player not beef

2009-05-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

This was a sick play, passing to yourself to beat the defender will always earn respect

That said, he should get suspended for that elbow he threw to Artest's neck

...but he wont

Apparently Davidson kids cannot stay on a beat and Steph Curry should never rap

2009-05-07T00:24:00.001-07:00

I give them credit for getting this many kids together to do something fun...but they get a failing grade for the video (see that, I did a bad pun too, give me some Asher Roth cheddar).

Happy Birthday

2009-05-04T00:47:00.000-07:00

Jackie, you are crazy, and a pint sized bundle of issues, but you make me laugh, so I let you live.

cras amet qui nunquam amavit; quique amavit, cras amet

Funny Video of extreme coaching

2009-05-01T14:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a coach has to do whatever he can to get through to his players. The coach of the Bahrain football team thinking that his goalie was not focused enough, replaced the goal with the player's brand new SUV and made him have to try and stop balls from hitting it.
Enjoy

Main reason is to see how this looks

2009-04-29T14:25:00.001-07:00

Obama first 100 days address

MLK on auto tune, better than Kanye

2009-04-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

So I found this today on the 2dopeboyz site. Someone was very creative. I see some on the net find it offensive, I however just view it as another way to get Dr. King's message out there. And damn...it took some skill sinking this sucker up, pay attention when the backup singers kick in

Quadruple Amputee competes in MMA...spoiler, he LOSES!

2009-04-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

Look I am all for equal opportunity, and I am pretty sure that limbless this guy would still beat me to a pulp BUT there is one major problem, I am not MMA trained talent. This guy is going in with a severe handicap (not the pun, nor the physical condition, just the fact) that is impossible to overcome.

Often you will see boxers try to compete fights after breaking a hand throwing a punch and you often see it costing them the fight, but there they still had the use of a hand and the ability to dance from punches. This guy has NO arms and NO legs.

Read the link and you will find that he was not even allowed to throw punches because the gloves could not stay on his appendage (is it still a punch if you do not have arms?).

Much love and credit to this guy for overcoming his disability, but this is just not safe and to me too much of a spectacle to be enjoyable...oh and it definitely hurts MMA's credibility.

And in case you cared I am picking Manny over Ricky Hatton this saturday, but I will definitely be singing "There's only one, Ricky Hatton" while watching the fight cause I LOVE that song.

Thank you for Being a Friend, R.I.P. Bea

2009-04-25T14:26:00.001-07:00

Bea Arthur died today.

I love Bea Arthur, in fact I loved the Golden Girls. Many guys act like they cannot say something like that, but sensible people know that, that show was a great slice of Americana. The ensemble cast was brilliant and Bea was a shining star in the midst of all that talent.

She along with the others brought an empowered female cast to television and showed that women could be 'sexy' without having to flaunt their sexuality.

I will miss you Bea

Hillary Clinton: Welcome To The Chocolate City - Hillary Clinton

2009-04-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi IS A PIMP, Don't believe me? Check the link...I want that suit!

Jezebel - Hillary Clinton: Welcome To The Chocolate City - Hillary Clinton: "Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi"

For the Love of Ray J season finale...live blog, I cannot help it

2009-04-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

So this is one of those nights, when the crucial question: Should I go work out or watch reality programming? Guess which one I picked!

For the Love of Ray J starts out with him telling the 3 left that he is going to go meet their families, this causes one of the girls to have a panic attack. I do not have to even tell you which one it is, let me just say this, there are 3 girls and one of them has a tattoo of a panther on her face!!! Hmm wonder who panicked when her hometown peeps are going to be met.

Seriously, you have a BIG CAT tattoo on your face (should I also tell you that as soon as this show wrapped she became pregnant for another dude...yes I should). She also confessed during the show to having sex with one maybe 2 of Ray J's homies..."Danger she smashed a homie" should be a hit song.

Hmm bit of a curve ball here, Ray J is sending Danger home (tattoo face chick) I wonder if VH1 just did not want to spend money on 3 trips home. I do love that even though he is sending her home she says "I do know that Ray loves me" then intimates something to the fact that even though I am sent home and if he picks someone else..."he is still coming back to me". Uh, ok!

Cut to a KFC add with CHEFS talking about how good KFC chicken is...at first that seems ridiculous then I think about the fact that I am a bloody good cook and I LOVE KFC...but I am wary of this grilled KFC, I once had their grilled chicken and I think my old roomie probably still remembers my complaints about the horribleness of that chicken.

"This Fool is wearing a white Fur Coat" those were my first words coming out of commercial...nuff said. Isn't this show filmed in LA? I know he might be heading to somewhere cold but while in LA..."I think I love you" Ooooooh Unique dropped the L word, and then trips exiting the stairs of the Jet, I somehow feel like they are both related.

I really like that he nicknames the girls then gives the nicknames, nicknames!

Ray looks a little intimidated by Unique's mom...punk! OH DAMN, Unique's mom just asked if her daughter was a "hit it and quit it" then when Ray says he has not hit it, the mom asks "What's wrong with her, why you aint go after it?" I think I like this woman. Plus the fact that it is a mixed marriage is already cool with me.

So he meets Cocktail's family and the first thing they do as a family is TAKE SHOTS...no shock this Chick's name is Cocktail...but damn the girl is fine, I will be fine with the alcoholism. Not gonna lie, that dinner looks damn fine, they even have goat. This uncultured fool lives in LA and does not know how to pronounce Mole????? I like Cocktail's brother dude knows what's up, he immediately asks Ray J, how the girls are, that is right...keep it real homie!

Off to Vegas...because you know everytime I want to see if something is 'true love' I take it to 'Sin City'. So Cocktail (note I nearly shortened her name then realized...not a good idea) calls Unique ugly but funnily enough this is actually the hottest she has looked in awhile, I am actually feeling her right now.

I think Unique is suffering from diarrhea of the mouth, she is confessing to things that you should never confess on your 'final date' things like I did not like you until last night...just a thought

And yup here it comes the invitation to the room, and shockingly...she accepts. If you thought she was going to say no to the 'alone time' I have only one thing to say to you, wear a helmet when walking around. Yup it is the straddle lap and kiss move, always a classic...Didn't this happen with Kim Kardashian? I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

A random aside, it is 88 bloody degrees and I LIVE BY THE BEACH, damn you global warming!

Hmm an Ad for the new New York show, looks like crap, I will watch it, I will not pretend.

Time for Unique to take the walk of shame, hehe, who does not love that moment? Thank goodness I did not live on dorm ;) Looks like unique has lost weight during the show, not a bad thing.

Damn Cocktails dress is amazing and by amazing I mean short and skin tight. Damn my knee is killing me, not exactly related to the show, but I feel like you should know this. Haha she called him a rapper and he became offended...dude, chill, just be happy you make rapper money.

Oh crap we have hit the one hour mark and this show is still on, I wish I had this on DVR, thank goodness I have scrabble games, and Deadspin going on at the same time, I cannot justify just sitting here blogging this show without other activities at the same time. Though today's DUAN article is not that hot.

So in Ray's room there are a bunch of Lingerie outfits for Cocktail to try on, strange I did not see this when Unique was up there...methinks something is up! There is a stripper pole in the shower, need I say more? I think so, she seems quite what is the word...'professional' on that pole. Hmm did Kim Kardashian do this...I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Hahah the room service guy calls Ray J, Mr. J., I love it after all what do you call someone that just uses J at the end of their name, no seriously Aaron D. wants to know.

The girls get to try on outfits for the elimination, I always like the anxiety that this part brings because I always wonder, does the Dress at this last moment sway the choice? Like he goes in there thinking, "This is the girl I want to marry...What the Hell is she wearing? Ok I change my mind"

We now get the necessary clips of Ray staring out into space as he considers who to choose.

Another quick Aside, Deadspin is reporting that Condoleezza Rice inquired into joining the HBO Real Sports' team, man I like Condy!

So he picks Cocktail, I could have predicted this at the start of the epi, but oh well. I really do love that at the end of the show when a girl is eliminated they then reveal her real name...like we care. Am I ever going to remember that Unique's real name is Danielle or will I always just think of her as Unique? Well I guess if I remember her at all it will be as Unique of course.

Looks like Ray will be eating more goat.

"...that's love and I think I found it" wow strong words of assurance there Ray!

--I hate myself

Hostage at Sangster Airport in JAMAICA!!!!

2009-04-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

Go Jamaica :: Hostage at Sangster Airport :: News

Yes I put Jamaica in Caps because I would never have believed this could happen. Bit ironic that this has happened just a few weeks after this video was all the rage on the net...

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia

2009-04-19T15:40:00.000-07:00

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia

You know everyone mocked Samuel L. when he did 'Snakes on a Plane' but see, he was a visionary, or as he would yell it: "I'M A MUTHAF@#%ING VISIONARY".

A recap of Idol recap night...just for Erin since she is stuck at work!

2009-04-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

Idol starts like it is a promo for a movie, complete with flashy fire graphics and sped up movements. They even did background interviews with the singers. Then cut to Seacrest with his back to the audience a sudden turn around and..."THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL" One has to wonder how dorky he feels doing that, or does he take himself too seriously to realize that he looks like a goof?

We are told that Miley Cyrus will perform and the crowd goes nuts, then we are told that Jennifer Hudson will also be there and they cut to shots of members of the audience who are clearly too old to be there.

Paula is sitting up ram-rod straight...the meds are awesome tonight and so is the bustier that she is wearing...the ladies are out to party tonight and by ladies I mean her golden globes, her emmys, her cleos (yup I just named 3 awards that she will never win).

An idol music video for Ford, which has the Idols murdering Freeze Frame while appearing on the covers of various made up magazines...oh and at the very end showing the car, there might want to be some revision done here. I had no idea it was a car ad until the last minute.

Time for group sing...Kris, flirts with Kara, she flirts back, she clearly did not hear about Paula and Cory and the scandal of a few years ago. I continue to believe that the Idol Stylists hate Allison. Is it any coincidence that now that Scott (the visually impaired guy) is gone the idollettes are allowed to raom all around the stage, the balcony, and the judges platform. Oh lil Rounds, so much promise in that voice, so little delivery. Watching the Idols try to dance and sing at the same time is almost painful, I keep expecting someone to trip and swallow a mic.

I am supposed to go see a reggae band later tonight, not sure I can do that anymore, my music appreciation has been shot to pieces.

There is now a clip of the Idols going to watch the new Zac Effron movie, sadly thanks to peeps like Matt, Danny and Adam, Zac Effron might be the manliest person there! How bad a movie is something going to be if the ads make you want to scratch your eyeballs out? Bit weird to hear Adam talk about liking the Cheerleaders, then they cut to a clip of the Cheerleaders in the movie being snarky...whew for a second I thought I was going to have to review my guesses about him.

Time to build the bottom 3...Allison is first up to have Ryan play the safe or not game: this poor girl at 16 sounds like a 70 year old 2 pack a day smoker...and she is safe (I know I have been advocating purple for a year...but those purple pants she has on are hideous)
Adam...thinks Rocky Horror Picture show is a great movie, yup yup, guesses still safe...SAFE, but you already knew that

Anoop...this kid is yet to wear a jacket I like, am I old or is he a bad dresser? I vote for him being a bad dresser...Ryan lingers, draws out the moment and places Anoop in the bottom 3 for the 3rd straight week! Cut to commercials, have to get that Ford money.

They make mention that Jennifer Hudson is the only idol FINALIST to win an Academy Award, note they stress finalist because they cannot say Idol winner, they also are quick to hide the fact that she was NOT voted into the top 12 but had to be brought back as a wild card...oh Idol you tricksters. She placed 7th in her season, comes on to sing tonight and shows that none of the current contestants would be worthy enough to run her bath water! Her performance ends and she and Ryan engage in some light banter that is just well frankly it is annoying, no wonder this show runs over every time.

Anoop pulls the I don't vote the judges don't vote card, they cut to Paula and she of course is doing something silly with Simon...If she becomes pregnant by Simon I would not be shocked. Wait a minute, Anoop does not vote? If I were a contestant on the show, my fingers would be raw from voting for myself all night (or for the 2 hour window).

Both Kris and Lil are made to stand up Lil is wearing a green dress and green eye shadow, St paddys day is here again! Ryan toys with Kris, but he is safe...one of these days someone will punch him out...I hope I get to see it on the west coast feed.

Matt and Danny are standing up together, Danny looks like he is trying to puff his chest out. Do we need to wait for Ryan on this one or should Matt just walk straight to the stools? No way does the 'Dead wife card' fail this early in the season! The judges that did not get to talk last night keep commenting about the people they did not get to talk about last night (what was the point of not letting them just waste our time and talk last night?).

Kara is this the bottom 3? "I love them but yes"
Paula? She starts to ramble my brother talks over her, I miss all of Paula, I suspect I missed nothing.

Anoop gets saved and sent back early...now down to Rounds and Matt. Oh and Miley Cyrus, she cannot get voted off, but oh how I wish she could be. If I sit through her upcoming performance it will be the first time I have heard her sing past 20seconds. Sorry, I just cannot stand her speaking voice and it leaks into her singing.

Cyrus has an elaborate set, and she is wearing an evening gown, I do not like this, she is dressed like a much older girl, the whole thing just feels exploitative and yup her voice still gets to me. She stretches her arms up and out, it might be a Celine Dion tribute, but instead all I fear is a wardrobe malfunction. Were that to happen and leak online teenage fan boys would probably melt the internet. Where is Billy Ray? I did not know Miley could do something without him showing up, is that ok, did she break loose? This performance is so creepy. Simon does not look enthused at the performance, I suspect my face looks the same.

Simon is asked if he would consider using his save tonight..."there might be one we would consider saving and it might surprise them" Ryan then asks if that means it is Lil, Simon says you will have to wait and see...color me surprised or should I class it up and say Quelle Surprise?

I take the commercial break to watch Soul Plane 2 (relax it is just a Boondocks spoof and not a crime about to be perpetrated on the American public)

Ryan does his douche bag trick of calling the persons name saying he is "sorry you will have to endure the competition a little longer"...Lil you are safe!
An aside Dial Idol had such a wide range of possibilities that they had everyone BUT Gokey in danger of going home.

Kara is dancing enthusiastically as Matt sings for his life, she waves at him, and sings alongside him...there really might be a scandal to come of this somewhat bland season.

The Judges have a decision, Simon asks how many times Matt has been in the bottom 3 and tells him that he does not see him as having any chance of winning the competition, the judges argue with each other, and yell at Simon for saying that, but then Simon says... "Matt, it is good news". The other Idols hug him. I think they have forgotten that 2 people now have to go home next week AND he is part of their competition...idiots.

Next week is disco night...I kid you not, Idol has decided to play to its Audience, you know that Audience that was born FIFTEEN years after Disco was relevant!!!

The idolettes all form a circle and perform a celebratory jig because a competitor is back...I am off to eat cookies cause maybe I will die faster that way!

I tried to fight you VH1, I think you are winning

2009-04-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

I went about 8 months without watching any reality programming on VH1. I gave up, Flavor of Love 3 and I love NY pretty much wrecked me, I was over-loaded, jaded and fatigued...and I am back. Damn you Vh-1 and your tricky moves. That show about Tools tricked me, I thought I would hate it I did at first, then I started laughing...

Rock of Love Bus? Are you kidding me a show based on a franchise that I thought was dead now goes on a bus...and I loved it.

Now tough love? You are stretching it, a match maker for a gaggle of hot chicks? Oh crap you got me again.

The worst part of your trick is that you just make it so damn convenient, I do not have to watch your shows on your schedule, each one is repeat about 20 times a week, it seems like anytime I turn on your channel one of these trashy shows is on. Heck I do not even have to watch them in order since all the episodes are basically the same mind-numbing drivel and yet I am hooked. I am afraid to do an IQ test, my IQ has probably fallen 30 points since I discovered your channel.

So what really spurred this post? Well I was watching Tough Love and could not stop laughing at how overly excited the girls were to meet some chicks boyfriend they acted as if they had all won the lottery, there were tears, hugs jumps of joy the whole 9 yards.

But maybe the best part is that they were told there would be a revelation about one of the girls and the first thing one of the girls thought was "I thought she was going to say that she has a penis"...I at first thought she was just talking for the sake of talking then I watched her reaction when the news came out and she was genuinely shocked that the girl did not reveal that she had a penis--yup these are the shows that I watch.

I hate myself for this, I also wonder, why am I not meeting these clearly damaged but hot women, I could nurture them...

They are really going to have to come up with a different word for 'Reality' programming or just always put it in quotes!

Hahah just saw the ad for the other thing that caused me to open up blogger...Vh1 has a promo for a show called Daisy of Love, it stars Daisy from Rock of Love and she is walking towards the camera in what I guess is her 'sexy walk'--or it could be her 'I am constipated but I still have to film this promo walk', I really cannot tell, all I know is, I thought it was HORRIBLE... and her delivery of the line "wanna pluck" is already annoying, I want to say I will NEVER watch that show...but!

Quick thought on Prince

2009-03-27T00:37:00.000-07:00

He is one of the best guitarists EVER...he just does not get his due because of A. The weirdness factor, B. the Amazing song writer factor and C. (hate to say it) The black man playing rock and roll factor!

Selah

Plain Dealer Living News - Cleveland.com

2009-03-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

Plain Dealer Living News - Cleveland.com

You gotta love what March Madness will lead to! Planning when you are getting snipped just to watch the tourney!

"Oh...Gay-rod! "

2009-03-17T18:24:00.000-07:00

detailsfeatures1h.jpg (JPEG Image, 300x240 pixels)

It is well known that A-rod is constantly nervous about his perception in public...and then he allows this picture to be used in Details magazine!!!

Happy Birthday

2009-03-12T00:34:00.000-07:00

To my Bro and my cousin!

"I'm in Miami b!t@h" video NSFW

2009-03-06T15:19:00.000-08:00

Fun song, so you had to expect the video for it would be crazy. Again NSFW

Really funny Mavado video!

2009-02-19T00:53:00.000-08:00

The video is mildly safe for work but the audio is NOT!!!
Trust me the video starts off slow (almost painfully so) but the end is worth the first 20 seconds...oh man is it worth it. Cannot tell you more, cause I do not want to spoil it for you

Have fun

Woman throwing tantrum in the airport

2009-02-18T19:23:00.000-08:00

She missed her flight from Hong Kong to San Francisco and this is the classic reaction she gave.

I sympathize I wanted to throw a tantrum when Air Jamaica caused me to miss all departing flights out of Ft Lauderdale and I had to spend a day and night there...screw you Air Jamaica, I hope someone embarrasses y'all like this lady did to herself!!!

Oh and, she got on a flight a few hours later. She is talking in Cantonese so sorry I cannot translate for you....except: She is yelling at her husband for not telling the counter people that someone else was on their way...ok I cannot take credit for that my cantonese is not that good, that is just what gawker.com said.

Jamaica parliamentarian says GAYS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO CARRY GUNS!...Father forgive my land

2009-02-12T12:08:00.000-08:00

I AM ASHAMED TO BE JAMAICAN RIGHT AT THIS INSTANCE. Look, I constantly make fun of America so I would be less of a man if I could not shine a light on a member of my parliament making a fool of himself and his country...and getting other idiots to agree with him (listen to the peeps in the background showing assent and the Prime Minister sitting there serenely listening to him - Fire fi dem all)

Unuu should be ashamed of unnuu self. I have been told that you are a lawyer so great...I AM ASHAMED TO BE A LAWYER RIGHT AT THIS INSTANCE. Where is the reasoned discussion that is supposed to come with our profession? Where is the reasoned elaboration from examining existing arrangements?

Do you even realize that you are saying gays are less than human? Do you realize that you want to treat 'the gays' like the British used to treat us? We could fight their wars, scrub their floors, but we could never be them! My mom has said the educated people of our country will all scorn your statement but many will not say anything publicly for fear of being branded gay. Well fie on that, I will brand YOU publicly, you are disgusting, and the culture of fear that you are promoting by such speeches sitting in the seat of our government is the same reason why others will not speak out.

Our crime rate is at record levels, our economy is SUFFERING, the US dollar weakened and instead of ours gaining on it, it is moving to $90 J.A. to $1 U.S. and the big things you have to talk about are Homosexuals and Daggerin' songs? What the hell are unnuu in power to do?

Maybe they are arming themselves because some people get up in Parliament and make statements against them. Maybe because as a culture we claim to be God fearing peaceful and forgiving but then beat homosexuals or men (merely) accused of being homosexuals.

The claim that the Jamaica Constabulary Force has a large number of gays ("overrun" in your words)... So? When a thief comes into your house at night is your first thought, "I hope the policeman that shows up is not gay?" or is it "Father protect me and send help NOW!" Cause mine is the latter, I am a straight man, but if a gay policeman is the person that saves my life best believe I am hugging him! What you afraid that merely touching a gay person will make you gay too? Remember, plenty of your friends are probably on the Peter King tapes...you might be too!
(a quick aside, how comes nobody can get to see those tapes? I find that very suspicious)
I want to see your stats: How many are in the J.C.F.? (not that it matters if one policeman is gay or all are, I just want to see these numbers that you so blatantly throw out)

Furthermore, you are concerned that gays are forming organizations? Really, after you just took them to task in parliament? You are lucky the only thing they are forming is peaceful organizations, after the way you just treated them, they probably should be forming militias.

When the Prime Minister said on the British Program that we will not bow to international pressure re our laws concerning gays, I applauded his stance, because I took a nationalist view. While I feel many of our laws concerning homosexuality should be changed, I do not believe any country has the right to come tell us what to do (you hear me Britain, take your Governor General and your requirement that Jamaicans, members of the bloody commonwealth have to get VISAS and go drop it inna di Queen lap). But, to say that normal (and yes gays are normal people) law abiding citizens in a country that has one of the WORST crime rates in the world, should be deprived of the right to defend themselves merely because they do not like the same things that you and I do is asinine. You sir are an ASS!

Any long time reader of the blog knows my hesitance on calling for peeps jobs (I prefer to fine and suspend most times) but here sir, you need to be removed from your post. I doubt it will ever happen but I truly wish it would.

"Come and feel the spirit,[one love, one heart] , the spirit of Jamaica, lets get together it's gonna feel all right [one love, one heart]" that is the ad used to lure tourists to Jamaica...make sure you add at the end in the fine print disclaimers like medical adverts, "...but not if you are gay, maybe gay, act like you are gay and belong to any gay supportive organizations. If you carry a licensed fire arm but happen to be gay, Jamaica may not be right for you. Known side effects are a feeling that you do not belong, that your safety is compromised and you are less than equal. If you match any of these symptoms ask your travel agent if you display any outward symptoms of gayness, if not...have a nice trip"

Lil Wayne on ESPN's Around the Horn, and check out the smack he delivers at the end

2009-02-10T18:43:00.000-08:00

Hottest rapper alive right now, the kid is even coming out with a rock album and he blogs for ESPN...when does this star burn out?

"Is Chris Brown in a Car Chase?" answer, nope its DJ Khaled...final answer; neither of them

2009-02-10T01:18:00.000-08:00

Those were the words everyone was uttering as my bro and I entered the gym tonight around 11pm (well at least up till the question mark the answer came later). A lot of peeps were gathered around a single TV, no one was working out particularly hard and we were all staring at this image:

At the time, everyone was convinced it was Chris Brown in the car and even the TV anchors were hinting at that...turns out it was Mr. "We the Best" D.J. Khaled or at least someone who looks a lot like him. If the news had earlier been able to get this Image, the whole thing would have been put to rest! No offense to Khaled, but people just do not care as much about him as they do about Brown especially right now.

(update...the driver was taken away in an ambulance, some blogs are claiming he shot himself, some are even claiming...death)

On to Brown for a second (and for once it is not Bobby when we are talking about domestic issues) it is clear this kid is in trouble and went ridiculously too far. I can never condone what he did, but damn if even half of the rumors of what might have triggered his rage are true, I would have been pretty pissed too...but I would have been a man and NOT HIT A WOMAN!

Anyway, let the Cali J slip into gossip-blog mode for a second. I have sources (yes it is true, I really do, and I love being able to say that) in the industry who swear that Ri Ri gave him Herpes and stepped out on him with Kanye...again man if only one of those things is true I would be LIVID, if both are true, I would be flying to Jamaica to take some time off from the same country as the gyal. Not that citing another blog is definitive proof but I know some of you will want to read it elsewhere to give you a secondary source so here you go...

I cannot help it, sorry, but some peeps have claimed there was an umbrella in the car...draw your own conclusions

Report: Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 while with Texas Rangers - ESPN --big shock

2009-02-07T12:10:00.000-08:00

Report: Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 while with Texas Rangers - ESPN

The only things shocking about this are that MLB still calls their testing methods in 2003 anonymous and that peeps are shocked that A-Rod/A-Fraud aka Alexis might have been doping.

The Bonds case is a clear example that there was very little accountability when it came to protecting information and samples. But on to the main part of this blog.

For years when others were being accused of 'cheating' and roiding, A-rod was often given a free pass. In fact I kept hearing people rejoice in the fact that a 'clean player' like A-Rod would break Bonds' home run record. I also heard many a person say, just look at A-rod and you will know he is not juicing...o.k. WHY?

A-rod is incredibly fit, incredibly competitive and appears to be incredibly insecure, hmm to me that sounds like the same recipe that we were told drove Bonds to juice, so why would A-rod be any different? Everything we hear about A-rod says his desire is to be better than Jeter, well currently Jeter has multiple rings, multiple endorsements and has gone through so much of the FHM top 100 most beautiful list that he could probably make the hall of fame just on that. A-rods biggest claims to fame? He may be dating Madonna and he had the richest contract EVER in MLB (an almost impossible contract to live up to...wonder if that would have caused pressure to roid...I'm not saying, I'm just saying!).

A-rod has no rings, but a nation's spotlight on him, he is expected to lead Baseball in major categories but yet played for the Rangers for years and could not even get them into the Playoffs with the Yanks he can not get them World Series wins...and no one thinks he might take a cheat route?

A-rod started as a SHORTSTOP! No one expects shortstops to hit for power yet A-rod is able to lead or be near the top of the league in home runs? Yes I know he was shifted to 3rd base when he joined the Yankees but that was because they had JETER! If anyone but Jeter had been there A-rod would still be a shortstop on pace to break MLB's all time HOMERUN RECORD!!

Spare me the "this is shocking" attitude, pitchers were roiding up, so I think peeps need to get off their high horses about the stats that batters posted,for all we know many of the dings that Bonds got came off pitchers that were only able to stay in the majors because they were on the Juice.

p.s. GREG MADDUX better be a unanimous hall of fame vote (stop this asinine no one gets in with a 100% ballot) no hint of roids, the most consistent pitcher for 20 years (in a roids period) best gold glove pitcher EVER, and he got my Braves a World Series ring. All hail the Mad Dog!

When grown men cry...vol 3.5336

2009-01-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

I am not the crying type, do not do it at funerals, do not do it at weddings, sad movies anything. My bro does not shed tears either, and nor does the other male companion at the dinner. Forgive my sexism here for not listing the women but the post is titled "when grown men cry".

I made some jerk seasoning last night, the flavor was amazing but "oh my goodness, oh no, oh no oh no"...those are words that were echoed all night as tears poured from eyes as sweat sprung from my brow. My heart literally felt like it stopped (I think it might have). My bro had to walk outside into the cold air, our friend started gasping and doubled over in pain, and I, the Cali Jamaican, the man who created the meal, ran to the refrigerator poured a tall glass of milk and started gargling with it. I had made the spiciest jerk chicken and shrimp meal I have ever made in my life.

The pepper literally had me screaming, thank goodness we were out in the woods of Malibu. I have never experienced heat like that. It gave me instant hiccups and I could not stop the eyes from 'bleeding'.

The craziest part is that Sarah sat serenely across from us just staring at us as if nothing was wrong. I thought I was 2 steps away from death, and Sarah was in Oliver Twist mode "please sir can I have some more".

We killed a couple bottles of wine, a whole bottle of vodka, almost half a container of soy milk and tonnes of cups of water and I still feel as if my body is on fire. It is now 24 hours later and I am still haunted by the fire of it. The best part is, it tasted so damn good that we kept eating the food, even though we were suffering.

On a brighter or should it be lighter note, my scallops were judged "perfect" I was so damn happy. I always find scallops so damn challenging to make, they are so finicky. But I broiled them with some sea salt, garlic, ginger, sugar, olive oil and fresh cracked pepper and they just seemed to take the 'perfect' level of flavor.

Oakland Seethes Over Police Shooting

2009-01-08T12:31:00.000-08:00

Oakland Seethes Over Police Shooting

Whew what a way to return to blogging, I was going to make my first blog of the new year my rant against my mistreatment by Air Jamaica ( I will still get to that) but this is more important.

Strange to me that you never seem to hear about 'accidental' shootings of white men. The accompanying videos are graphic, and even for those desensitized by video game violence you might have a 'gasp moment'

As noted by Shehryar (thanks for letting me know the updates) if there had not been video for this, it might have been just "another average story no one hears about"

I do not know why the cop found it necessary to draw a piece, (some say he thought it was a Tazer, I thought he might have drawn the gun to intimidate) what I do know is that once you draw a weapon of any sort you better be damn careful with it...he was not!

http://cbs5.com/video/?id=44043@kpix.dayport.com
The link shows the video from one angle. They seemed to have the guy under control, there does not seem to be a reason for the gun/taser (if he thought he was pulling that).

Let me address the Taser v Gun thing...Do you not know the difference between a gun and a Taser? Do they not have different handles, look, feel and Safeties?

I thought that cops were supposed to be more and more reluctant to reach for Tasers? And are you supposed to Taser someone who is face down with another cops knee on their neck?

A 22 year old man, face down shot in the back, sounds like a damn execution...if one did not know that the cops were involved you would think it were a gang style killing!

Note that one of the persons who took the video wants to remain anonymous...think he fears reprisals from the cops?

Holland Township man names son after Adolf Hitler - lehighvalleylive.com

2008-12-15T15:53:00.000-08:00

Holland Township man names son after Adolf Hitler - lehighvalleylive.com

Look I have often made the observation that the Name Hitler was so bad that no one in Germany even has it any more. For instance O.J. Simpson is a bad name but kids are still called O.J. and the last name Simpson is very popular. But, no one runs around with the name Hitler...at least no one smart!

Meet these idiots! This to me is already cruelty to your children. But PLEASE PLEASE note their source of income. They are too good to mix with my race, but they are damn sure not too good for my taxes to support their ignorant lifestyle.

Bloody scum!

Thanks to Assassin for providing the link. I was feeling sluggish today but something like this got the blood roiling and gave me energy to get things done!

If this keeps up we may have to follow the lead of other countries and force name-approval.

Chilean cardinal: Madonna rouses 'impure thoughts' - Yahoo! News

2008-12-10T22:34:00.000-08:00

Chilean cardinal: Madonna rouses 'impure thoughts' - Yahoo! News

How small minded can you get? He is going after Madonna while Praising PINOCHET? Seriously! This is a twisted world we live in, but there is no way Pinochet should be honored. Hell even if you do not believe half of what he did he was still a DICTATOR!

BCS DECLARES GERMANY WINNER OF WWII

2008-12-07T19:31:00.000-08:00

(I really wish I knew who to credit with this, I googled it but could not find an original poster)

US Ranked 4th

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants, the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work--including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule--our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking."

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated "The US only had two major victories--Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren't influenced by head-to-head contests--they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event."

German Chancellor Adolf Hitler said "Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks." Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn 'style points' to enhance Germany's rankings. Hitler protested "Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces."

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented " France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2."

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

---bloody funny stuff, whomever came up with it, is right on target and bloody funny!

Teacher sorry for binding girls in slavery lesson - Yahoo! News

2008-12-06T12:59:00.000-08:00

Teacher sorry for binding girls in slavery lesson - Yahoo! News

BLOODY BAD IDEA! What I am even more shocked at is (if true) the Teacher did not give a full apology. Look we all make mistakes (some should get us fired) but once the mistake is made, you have to HAVE TO own up to them.

A millie, a millie: Lil Wayne leads Grammy noms with 8, Coldplay 7 - Yahoo! News

2008-12-03T23:50:00.000-08:00

Lil Wayne leads Grammy noms with 8, Coldplay 7 - Yahoo! News

I loved the Carter III glad to hear that the academy seems to have liked it too. I know many of you were probably really tired of hearing Wayne songs on the radio, but trust me listen to the whole album, the thing is Fire.

I also like the nod to Ne-Yo for Album of the year. Of course Leona Lewis and M.I.A. got noms for their tracks, I do not even have to list which of their songs they were nominated for, since they are clearly only going to be nominated for the tracks that you heard every day on your radio.

This paragraph amused me: "Some surprising omissions: Katy Perry, who had one of the year's biggest hits with "I Kissed a Girl," was shut out of the top categories, including record of the year and best new artist." -Really? So many peeps I know hated that song, just because something is catchy does not make it good, if you doubt me, go punch in Britney's 'Womanizer' into your mp3 player. I hate that song, but damn is it catchy!

Kanye 'only' had six nominations, they might want to pat him down when he enters the hall at the awards!

I think Estelle might bitch slap someone if Adele ends up winning more awards than she does...for my money Estelle is the much better artist and I suspect the better fighter too! Oh who am I kidding, no need to be PC, Adele is bloody over-rated!

Let me throw in a plug here for SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, I watched it loved it, and now want you to see it!

A funny take on Prop 8!

2008-12-03T21:48:00.000-08:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Just something for peeps to think about!

Roman Polanski requests dismissal of sex charge - Yahoo! News

2008-12-02T20:59:00.000-08:00

Roman Polanski requests dismissal of sex charge - Yahoo! News

Polanski's lawyer has some HUGE stones! I have always been surprised with how calmly Hollywood treats this issue. I mean damn it was a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD girl, if he were not one of their own would they have screamed bloody murder? Imagine hearing that someone had sex with a 13 year old, wouldn't it immediately sicken you?

BREAKING: John Forte One Of 16 Pardoned By George Bush | Hip Hop News > HipHopDX.com

2008-11-25T01:34:00.000-08:00

BREAKING: John Forte One Of 16 Pardoned By George Bush | Hip Hop News > HipHopDX.com
I would not have believed this if I had not read it. I did not expect this. When John Forte initially was convicted I was shocked. Not shocked at the conviction, because they had him cold, it was clear he was guilty, but, I was shocked at the A. length of time he got and B. the fact that with a career that seemed about to be on the rise he got caught doing something so dumb as shifting weight (to the slang impaired; moving significant quantities of drugs); though it should be noted that many believe he was set up/was an innocent if naive go-between.
"Yo, yo hustle big hustle small all ya'll relate to this
I'ma culture power baby, when I run right through it"---John Forte, let us see if he gets back on his hustle

By the way, while I still believe him guilty, I firmly disagree with MANDATORY MINIMUMS, I think they undermine our justice system.

Currently listening to the new Kanye : 808s and Heartbreak

Oh and in case you do not know Forte's big hit I include the video, watching it, you might think he was on drugs to get this concept

Abilene Christian scores record 93 points in win - College Football - Rivals.com

2008-11-23T14:34:00.000-08:00

Abilene Christian scores record 93 points in win - College Football - Rivals.com
The article has it right, these are basketball scores. The yardage total is insane too. I LOVE football in the state of Texas. That game must have been bloody fun to watch

Utah studio wants pole dancing in Olympics - Other sports- nbcsports.msnbc.com

2008-11-21T23:22:00.000-08:00

Utah studio wants pole dancing in Olympics - Other sports- nbcsports.msnbc.com

Look I know it has been awhile since I blogged, been putting my creative juices into something else plus mentally distraught at the break up of a friendship. But anyway, never fear your boy Cali J is still here and something as crappy as the topic in the Title brought me back.

If they even get past the first level of scrutiny with this crap and get on the road towards becoming an olympic sport I think I will never watch the olympics for any sport not containing a Jamaican athlete at that point. (sorry that sentence is confusing, but I am tired and cranky)
BOTTOM LINE. This crap would end the Olympics for me for ever!
The fact that this was even on my local news lets me know for the 1353464th time that San Diego NEEDS better news