Merry Christmas

The family of Cali J and the Cali Jamaican group of companies would like to wish you all the very best this holiday.

Allow me a quick moment of non-modesty (some might say the C-J is never modest) I cooked a fairly significant portion of today's feast and got rave reviews. Which worked out well since I was sweating bullets until the moment my pops approved the meal.

Now that I know that they enjoyed it, my xmas feels even better. Now if I can just convince myself not to go to Special Delivery at this time of the night I will feel excellent...if the $4000 price my boy quoted me is legit I cannot in good conscience link a session on Xmas night for that price!

Another unbloggable night v20.07

You know a night was crazy when you run to your shower rather than to your room upon getting in just because you feel the scent of the night's debaucheries might be so strong on you that it might wake your parents and you need to shower them off immediately!

If you are privy to the Cali J's addition to the lexicon that is urbandictionary.com you will have an idea of why he had to shower so quickly

Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers! Tila Tequila and a lesson in economics

So I know a lot of peeps would say this is not shocking, but to me it is! Let us take a quick rundown of why I am surprised.

1. She is 16 and wealthy; teen pregnancy is on the decline among all social levels but especially among the wealthy
2. Her sister is Britney; if seeing that train wreck did not swear her off having kids nothing would
3. She is on a Nickelodeon show; shows like that tend to frown severely upon unplanned pregnancies and especially unplanned pregnancies by their teen-stars
4. Seriously Brit is her sister; come on, how could she practice unsafe sex with that role model as her sister???
5. Seriously condoms are cheap; no matter how much you might cry that you are spending on condoms...and if you are spending enough that you honestly have to cry about it then trust me, most peeps do not care about your pain...kids will always cost more than condoms do! Just a thought for those who are deficient in economic theory.

I saw the finale of 'A shot at love with Tila Tequila'...interesting finish, but the choice I expected, will not blog about it more since would not want to give away the finish but it was decent, as my boy Flavor Flav would say, nothing "too dramatical"

I love my parents' sarcasm vol 2.4

I love the fake surprise that my father exhibits any time he finds out that I am home at 1.30am on a Sunday morning. Peeps wonder why I am so caustically sarcastic and then they meet my folks and I get a knowing nod.

Love my mom's reaction to me being home: "What happened none of your friends wanted to lose their lives tonight?" Oh mom, you kidder! Back to the grind in the morrows, let's see if I remember how to play a piano!

Eating Raw Milo!

I do not know what it is, I do not know why I cannot resist it, I do not know why it calls to me; but, if there is Milo in the house I cannot help but pour a scoopful into my hand and begin to eat it.

This was all well and good when I was a kid, even when I was a teenager, but, I am a grown man, I really should be able to resist it…but, I cannot. Tonight I was craving a snack, opened the cupboard, saw a packet of Milo initially walked away, checked the other cupboards and the refrigerator, yet felt called to the Milo. So of course scoop to the hand and happiness ensued…

Now I am sitting here wondering what is wrong with me. How can someone be that addicted to dry Milo? “Yeesh G, get control of yourself.” One of the funniest parts of the situation (at least to me) is that I think I prefer dry over the actual finished product even though the finished product contains condensed milk which is another thing I used to eat out of the middle of my hand (do not do that one anymore, way too sweet and clawing).

This late night snacking will probably defeat the 4lbs I took off last week.

Beauty Pageants are AWESOME!

Oh man I must be getting old, I actually watched a Barbara Walters' Special and enjoyed it!

Now on to something that is keeping me fascinated despite the fact that I never watch Beauty pageants. I think the last time I watched a beauty Pageant was when Lisa Hanna was competing or maybe a few after that. Definitely have not seen one since I left Jamaica. But what I do like following is all the drama that seems to have accompanied beauty pageants this year. Let's take a peek at what has happened this year more than one winner of Ms.(insert state here) has lost their crown some because scandalous (still love that word) pictures showed up, a baby showed up in the belly or coke showed up in the nose. Miss USA herself had to be pardoned on national TV by that great arbiter of moral conflict Donald Trump.

I mean seriously you should check out the pictures of Ms. Nevada kissing, interacting with her public , and making sure that she is hands on with everyone (go check them out, I will wait for you here)...(told you they were crazy!).

When Ms. Congeniality came out it seemed so far fetched...now I am just waiting to hear about some girl going nuts and trying to take over the world. After all the Miss Puerto Rico pageant was already sabotaged with allegations of pepper spray to make up and clothing!


Finally the one closest to me; my home state of California has recently had its own scandal. The idiots running Miss California somehow miscalculated the votes, awarded the crown to the wrong girl, then had to take the title back and give it to the proper winner and peeps are now wondering why the girl that just lost (2xs) is planning to sue? These are accusations no beauty pageant wants written in a column "Silva, 24, lives in L.A.'s Koreatown and is of Ecuadoran and Mexican descent. Was she too ethnic? Too urban? Did judges find some dirty secret in her past at the last minute?"

"Paranoia, paranoia everybody's coming to get me"

This was one of my favorite songs in 1998. Then I found this awesome viral video. It is one of the better home-made videos this year. These peeps all work for the same tech company and apparently did this vid in one take, one day after work.

Looks like a fun environment...and their website says they are hiring.

Lip Dub - Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger from amandalynferri on Vimeo.

Cali J - just like clockwork!

Wake up, eat some bad food, feel bad about it, eat some ice cream, feel better, hit the gym at some late night point and work out to the point of being so sore that blogging is difficult. I swore I was taking today off from working out until today's dinner consisted of an apple (I started of so good), then a granola bar (low fat version - still doing well) then 6 cookies...*sigh*

"Bu-bu-bu-but wait it gets worse" I ate the apple, cookies and granola cause I was so sore and tired from working out combined with laziness brought about by watching excessive amounts of football (great games this weekend) that I just could not be bothered to cook or pick up dinner. So of course the A/C/G did not fill me up so I had a scoop of low fat ice-cream (with milk - so damn good), then I realized I needed protein so I broiled some bacon! At this point I realized "Cot damn this is crazy and possibly suicidal" and thus knew today could not be a day-off from the gym day. So it was off to go swim and jump rope. Now I smell like chlorine (despite 2 showers; how is it that you can never seem to get the smell of chlorine out of your nostrils for a couple hours after swimming) and I am so sore that I feel like Britney Spears after a Friday night (draw your own conclusion on that one).

Naked men, white kids, and me working out

So I rode to the gym tonight (let me point out again; I love San Diego, I rode in a T-shirt and shorts on a November night, meanwhile my boy is IM-ing this from Philly "I f-ing hate you, the temperature here is 32" to which I responded with "Too bad man, it is 65 here" I cannot post his reply). While locking the bike up near an ATM these young white kids rolled up and one was telling this story:

"Man my high school was 94% f-ing blacks 1% Asian and the remaining 1% white" (note apparently his high school did not teach math - which I thought immediately was going to be awesome when he tried to count his money coming out of the ATM)
- Kid then notices the 210lb Black man locking up his bicycle and gives the guilty I got busted start and pauses his story. He then nudges his companions another skinny guy and a girl that looked like the last time she saw sun it was a Disney movie.
- Not knowing what to do he pauses mid-story and immediately launches into
"I wonder how much this ATM is going to charge for getting cash"
- So of course I could not resist messing with him. I lock my bike, take out my lifting gloves, stand behind him at the ATM slowly putting on the gloves and say:
"Hey man why don't you finish that story" (if you have ever heard my voice you might understand why a kid that [may have been] telling a racist story would not want to hear it).
He responds" "Oh I was just telling them how many kids went to my school, that was it I swear" (voice cracks)
I continued: "Oh yea, that was cool man, so how much cash are WE pulling out?"
At that point I was barely keeping myself from laughing because these kids were definitely now concerned about getting jacked...just as he was about to stammer out a reply, it started out like this "uh uh uh Uh [glance around]" I saved him further embarrassment and said: "Nice meeting y'all, look out for those black kids, something tells me they hated you" and then hit the gym. (Felt like a great warm-up for lifting).

But the emotional high that I got from messing with that idiot kid was immediately removed when I sat on the locker room bench to adjust my shoes and the guy next to me who was already invading my personal space dropped trough. Now I have already gotten over my personal hangups of seeing naked men in the gym (did not see it in high school so never got used to it like my American counterparts), but I am still not used to having someone comfortable enough to expose themselves casually infront of me.

Bu-bu-bu- bu-but wait it gets worse, not only has he dropped trough right beside me, I am basically trapped because now he is naked, right beside me and in front of my locker (between my bench and my locker) oh and did I mention that I have my head down because I am adjusting my shoes??? I wanted to discreetly slide down the bench but no such luck I am hemmed in. So what do I do? The only thing I could do. NOTHING. I just stared straight at my shoes, tied my laces, pretended nothing had happened told him he was in my way and grabbed my towel out of my locker. Thing is, I understand that you have to get naked to go shower etc, but is it necessary to get naked in my personal space? And once naked, shouldn't you be hauling ass to either shower or put some clothes on? It is just weird to me for someone to get naked and then just stand beside me not saying a word, and not apparently moving to do anything about his situation. Sorry for the rant meatball hope this has not become your exclusive domain.

Finally, my other blog has allowed me a little artistic freedom, and take jabs (humorous I hope) at friends...just throwing out a casual warning - Assassin, FN, SSV, Baker, Robin, etc!

Quotes by pregnant starlets...you gotta love them.

"Because I hadn't said anything, people thought I was trying to keep it this big, bad secret, and that's not the case at all. I just wasn't commenting. I'm not being like, `Hey everybody, I'm pregnant!' I'm not that girl."

That was Christina Aguilera in the same magazine that she poses on the cover with her shirt open to reveal her pregnancy...I love Starlets.

Can Britney Spears really be pregnant again? Is that possible? I thought certain 'medication' made it harder to become pregnant?

American Gladiators is back!

I put an exclamation on the title but maybe that should be a question mark. I mean AG was cheesy even in the 90s I cannot imagine how extra cheesy it is going to be now. Yet, I am still kind of excited. It will not be a show that I will watch on even a semi-consistent basis, but I will check out a few of the episodes.

And if you doubt me on the cheesiness level check out the names of the "gladiators":
Original six Gladiators (from Wikipedia)

* Malibu
* Lace
* Gemini
* Zap
* Nitro
* Sunny
Unbeatable!

But the icing on the cake...the announced hosts for the New AG are HULK HOGAN and LAILA ALI, no really I am serious, I swear!

Man NBC must be desperate for programming!

Apple Pies and conveniences

I made 2 apple pies last week for thanksgiving weekend. For the first time ever I used a kitchen stand peeler/slicer/corer and I must say...it was awesome. I peeled, sliced and cored a dozen apples so quickly I did it during a commercial break of 'Dirty Sexy Money' (I just love that shows title). Now I am thinking I have to get the damn thing. That is always the problem with trying out anything cool that others have. I am used to sitting in front of a TV and painstakingly peeling apple upon apple and then hand coring them and THEN slicing them to a thin level.

Question is, do I want to purchase another kitchen item that will only be used once in a blue moon?

I loved the crust of the pies I made last week, I am actually not the biggest pie fan, but I am the biggest fan of pie-crusts. So much to the point that when I finished Robin's slice I ate the crust and ignored the filling. Tried out an egg-wash for the first time, it gives great color and allows a nice sheen to the pie topper.

Always my friends - Go with home-made crusts v store bought for gift pies...it always brings the joy!

IluvNY, Punks jump up to get beat down...

So I know there are those that love that cat Chance from last year. I am personally in the camp that thinks the kid is a gimmick, a show. I watched his 'fights' last night and in everyone of them he takes a step back when the cat is bigger than him. And in all his fights he waits until he is restrained before suddenly 'acting a fool.' I know I am a hot-head yet I hate fighting, but I will trash talk with the best of them. I never like to throw blows so I will sometimes jaw and jaw to the point that a fight seems inevitable. But if a fight breaks out, I do not then run behind the largest obstacle I can find and then start throwing words and drinks at my opponents. (sorry I know the above is convoluted but I am tired - forgive me)

I think Lil Wayne aka Weezy says it best: "I aint never ran from a playa
and i damn sure aint bout to pick today, to start runnin" --Duffle Bag boy

That being said, starting fights for no reason is childish, going out looking for a fight is ridiculous...step your game up people and rise above.

"Go get your weave fixed...you silicone breast wearing bitch" Hahah classic, I do not remember hearing implants described as 'silicone wearing'. The kid may have been fake and he may have been faking that he likes women, but he delivered a great line.

Phenomenal HIMYM tonight...

One of those episodes that while watching it you know you are going to have to view it a second time just to get all they joy out of it. How on earth did I live before DVR? Badly, that is the answer BADLY!

I weep for America, you might ask: Why? And you ask that because you know I will tell you. I weep because Nickelback has an album on the billboard charts that is now over SIX TIMES PLATINUM. Let that seep in, I am telling you that SIX MILLION copies of a Nickelback album have been sold.

So after that shocking discovery I had to check and see who else has topped 6 million and saw Avril Lavigne, Limp Bizkit, Britney Spears, 50 cent and others(just check the link). We are DOOMED AS A COUNTRY. On the plus side, if I release an album I just have to make sure that my lyrics are repetitive, inane and carry a catchy hook. I am thinking Grammy baby!

In anticipation of tomorrow's HIMYM...slap bet

So there has been a lot of setup for Monday's HIMYM episode so I expect great things. In anticipation of the countdown of the Slap Counter. I am dropping in this clip of Slap Bet.

By the way, if you are not watching Mayweather/Hatton 24/7 and you are a boxing fan, you are depriving yourself of a visual treat. I said it in the buildup to the De La Hoya fight...Floyd is bloody crazy! And that makes him awesome to watch. The kid is a machine, I know Hatton is undefeated and the pride of the British Empire but Floyd is an all time great. My only fear is that all the craziness that surrounds Floyd must distract him.

On to the Slaps
"What would you expect? You have seen my Penis!"

One year ago...

My boys and I consumed insane amounts of alcohol because bar results came out and we had passed. Tonight, we consumed insane amounts of alcohol because we were happy that it was a full year from one of the worst days of our lives and we were toasting those of our friends that had passed.

Until you live it, you will never understand the fear that comes with waiting for the bar. I have seen dead bodies, I have had a root canal, I have had the last rites given to me, I have been dumped and yet I still cannot think of a worse day than the day I had to wait for the bar.

Tonight was off the chain, I cannot say why, because it is still at that delicate stage of "Damn son your girl is crazy" but it was good.

Good to see the Persian mafia together again, even if one of them rolled out like a preppy kid from one of those horrible 80s movies. And that includes 16 candles, Top gun and Can't buy me love...they all sucked. But it does not include Princess Bride and The Breakfast Club, but it does also include 80s music. Yes I said it...The 80s are the most over-rated period of music EVER!

Time to set a dinner menu.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO PASSED THE BAR! Bad luck to my friends who were not that fortunate, these things happen and you will be able to move on, even if right now seems unbelievably painful.

THREE AM TEXT MESSAGES!

Now most people know what it means to get a text message or call past 1am! And we all know nothing good happens after 2am. Well at 3am I received not one but 2 text messages back to back. One would think it must be an urgent request. Well I flicked my phone over to see two text messages from...SPRINT. Yup my phone company gave me a b-text in the middle of the night.

Of course this means that I now have to call them later in the day and raise Cain, cause beyond the fact that they annoy me by sending me the texts they sent them in the middle of the NIGHT!

Glad to see that Arrested Development is back! I was a big fan of the album "3 Years, 5 Months & 2 Days in the Life of..."
Hopefully they come to SD at some point!

Happy Birthday

Tricia. Love you coz.

"She's a keeper, just keep her somewhere else"

That is what Robin dropped in regards to Ted's new girlfriend and I fell out of my chair laughing.

"Do raisins have a brain?" So starts the Smart Start creepy cereal ad! What makes them think that I want to think about raisins having a brain when eating my morning meal? It does not help that raisins already kind of look like brains.

This OJ Vegas thing is already turning out more entertaining than I expected!

The Visa is faster than cash ads only make sense when ordering fast food - No offense but many of those workers seem to go brain dead when dispensing change. Otherwise the ads are visually appealing intellectually silly.

I should never ever, call you.

I Love NY has opened my eyes up to what a bunch of 'thugs' will do to get a 'lady'.

I love the Xmas period because it brings back Egg nogg ice cream; only one problem - This should not count as the Xmas period, it is not even bloody Turkey day yet.

Hahah I just saw a clip of competitive bar-tending, yes it is as bad as it sounds!

"War-lord trash-a-gold" Do not believe me? Ask him! Great you-tubes for my American friends who I am constantly trying to teach patois.

Jane Seymour is still getting it done!

I have decided that 8 o'clock is the cut off time for young kids to watch TV, after that the material becomes decidedly adult, and that counts for the comedies and dramas.

How could she do that? v3.43

One of my boys found out that his girl was cheating on him. But he found out in a fashion calculated to cause pain and my heart goes out to him. Thing is, no matter how bad one feels it seems like you can always find someone worse off than you. I mean plenty a time I have felt like I was done wrong by a woman, but never in the fashion that he was hit with.

So my boy is hurt to the point that he is plotting criminal activity (nothing physical) but still criminal. I was amused by the fact that I had to counsel against illegal activity and replay the things that are illegal to do to others...no matter how good they might feel.

Thankfully (as far as I know) I have never been cheated on. And long time readers will remember that I go by the Mario Winans' school of thought. Thing is, if someone has hooked you up, and given you everything you need in life, but yet you still feel unfulfilled, maybe it is better for you to just walk away rather than being so underhanded.

Remember though, sometimes things happen, sometimes you might do things that are outside the normal bounds of a relationship (not just saying that cause I might feel guilty about my past or anything) but there is stretching the bounds of decency and then there is swallowing what is not yours! Make of that what you must, I have only been allowed so much permission.

You know things are bad when something that happens to a friend affects you so badly that you are actually mad at the ne'er-do-well.

I close with this:
"Somebody said they saw you
The person you were kissing wasn't me
And I would never ask you
I just kept it to myself

I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know"

-- I don't Wanna know by Mario Winans