Bachelorette or did you know she is from Minnesota?

 Not saying she is the worst Bachelorette but was Katie's season maybe the most inconsequential? Blandest? Least stylish? Quickest fading? I am not sure how to look at it but it was not helped that the man who won was part of the season that had 2 Bachelorettes and came on late. Halfway through I was already predicting she would be with Blake and then towards the end I was making jokes like "Will they be broken up by the time the next season airs?" Dear reader they are. A big part of the drama from Bach in Paradise was centered around a trip to San Diego that some of the cast took, Katie was part of that meet up and yet she was faded to the background, I cannot imagine if Becca had been part of that group her role would be so minimized. 

Non-spoiler if you do not know who he is, but for those who know - has the current pick for Bachelor shown you anything that makes you think he should have been picked or that he will be a good Bach? ANYTHING other than he is a tall/good looking chap, which is a feature this show does not lack?

 

We start the A-Show with Michelle ("Mich") roaming around and showing us parts of Minnesota before going to the home grounds to see the folks; this feels pretty quick to go back to hometown? 

Michelle says the 11 guys "are all unique from each other" then the show makes the guys do the dumb scream into the void trope that it loves "MICHELLE" then high five each other. The 'unique' guys wear a lot of black, white and tan. 

Immediately off the bat Mich tells them there is a 1 on 1 and Joe the guy FROM MINNESOTA gets the 1 on 1 don't cha know.

One on One: 

If Mich was hoping to not let the guys be suspicious she is not picking the best move here. 

Mich takes Joe for a drive around Minneapolis to a Twins game to throw out the first pitch in custom jerseys.

Mich then takes Joe to her high school and shows him her old locker (my high school did not have lockers). They see her photos in the trophy case and look over her year book. Then there is some one on one on the basketball court. Not sexist to say that Joe is letting her win, though Michelle's jumper is wet! 

M&J talk about how reserved Joe is and he says that his dad is even more reserved. 

Back to the hotel and the guys are nervous about the group date vs a one on one card. Nayte admits that he feels pressure to step up. If you didn't get it from last week when Chris S bloody said he rode in on a white horse he tells you that he "laid it all out" for Mich...by snitching last week so he is annoyed that Nayte got the one on one. 

Evening Portion: 

And we know this is going to be a heavy date because we get a trigger warning regarding suicide and depression so heads up...

Michelle is rocking an all black ensemble with some tight 'no way can they play basketball in these' pants. 

We get Joe's sob story and I am feeling sympathy leg pains as Joe describes all the surgeries he had to go through in high school and college to continue to play basketball. Eventually the surgeries and injuries robbed him of his ability to play at a high level and he contemplated suicide "ball was life, and that life was gone" so when that basketball-life ended Joe wanted his to end. Michelle is wiping tears as she listens. Mich is supportive of Joe and so of course he gets the date rose. 

Group date: 

And Michelle is back again in all black with tight pants.

The guys meet her on the field of the Viking's stadium so when she asks the guys if they are ready to meet some Vikings of course the guys think they are going to meet some football players...they meet mascots. 

They are told to show off their war cries Chris' is deemed pitiful. Chris says he is still disappointed that Nayte got the one on one. Olu tells us that Chris is a snake who threw them all under the bus.

There are some silly feats of strength

The guys are then told to go dress like Vikings, most of the guys get 'cool' gear except Chris who is dressed like a horse and Casey tells us "he went from acting like a horse's ass to dressing like one." 

Part of the challenge given is to 'eat like a Viking' Cow brains, tongue and hash is one of the items plus some delicious fermented Nordic fish.

 

Of course in the arm wrestling challenge it is Chris against Olu and Chris is beaten badly. Clayton is dubbed the ultimate Viking, doesn't hurt that dude is ripped. On the way to clean up Brandon kisses Mich and she says "ugh straight fish Brandon." 

Evening: 

Mich is wearing an amazing green dress, see above when I said the last season was not as stylish. 

Clayton gets some strong one on one time with Mich. Brandon gets teased that he will have some more Nordic fish but this time it is Nordic fish candy. 

Back to the main group and the guys are calling out Chris. Chris continues "Nayte got the one on one that I should have had" he really feels owed. 

"Nayte I am looking for a man who is not afraid to test the waters" Joe reads that date card then asks Nayte "do you know how to swim?" and they both laugh as Nayte affirms that he can. 

Back to group date and all the guys are getting time with Mich except Chris because the producers work hard here...and Chris is going nuts that he has not had time with her. Mich comes down to talk to the group to "wrap up this evening" while Chris is off having a drink and it looks like talking to producers, he clearly fell for a set up, Chris walks back after Mich has sat down with the guys. 

Chris is angry that Mich did not say "thank you for what I did last week" "I'm a fun goofy guy and I wasn't like that today and you didn't check in on me...spoke to every other guy...that is crazy to me" Chris seems to forget that the show is the Bachelorette not the Bachelor, the contestants need to make moves not the lead. 

One on one: 

Nayte and Mich are out on the lake LAKE MINNETONKA RIP PRINCE

and Mich tells Nayte that it is going to turn into a group date and the 'group' aspect is 2 of her friends showing up to grill Nayte as they float on a boat. 

I think Nayte is currently winning this followed by Joe, these 2 got the special type dates that are reserved for peeps that the lead is thinking they could 'spend forever' with.

 

Evening:

Nayte says the process is changing him. Michelle shares a story that while she was in her last relationship it was so toxic that she was becoming ill and had to move back in with her parents. Speaking of Toxic relationships here comes Chris to tell us that "I do not care if she is on a one on one date" he "needs" to speak to her so he pops up on Mich's date with Nayte while they are still at the dinner portion and asks to speak to her Nayte rightfully has 'shocked face' as we go to commercial. 

Now obviously the producers helped set this fool up to be a sucker because he took a car to what would be an undisclosed location but allow me as a black man to tell you how UGLY THIS LOOKS FOR THE WHITE MAN TO THINK THE TIME OF TWO BLACK PEEPS IS INSIGNIFICANT TO HIM AND THAT THE BLACK WOMAN LEAD OWES HIM SOMETHING. "Can I please speak with you for a moment, just one moment, it is important." NO IT IS NOT! Nayte does that laugh that every black man should recognize as the laugh of frustration where "if I act appropriately I will be labelled the angry black man." 

Chris tells Mich that he feels "played by the whole situation" "I came to say that I warned you, and I don't want you to make the wrong decision. Mich says what we all saw last week - she was not happy that Chris spoke "for me" and not with her

she thinks Chris is trying to control her...he played himself and Mich sends that fool home. You cannot trust a man who cannot even hold it together on a TV show that is in a public space, she has to be worried about their private space. 

Back to her date and Mich gives Nayte the rose. 

Cocktail Ceremony: 

Michelle in another banging dress. Rick is a sneaky good candidate so far, he gets to take a stroll with Mich and they pretend to do some runway walking (Rick is as stiff as a board) and dance to music from a street musician. 

Martin bro, bruh, brah "What makes a female high maintenance?" you really set yourself up for this with "you are not high maintenance, girls in Miami are high maintenance."

Then to compound things Martin drops in "females" who expect things from men and "I came on the show because I know you are different"..."Men should not be doing things women should do." Look when Martin had his one on one and kept defending Jamie over Mich's clear discomfort the red flags were CLEAR so none of this is shocking. 

Nayte and Mich are all over each other 

Rose Ceremony: 

Roses to: Rick, Olu, Brandon, Martin (this I did NOT expect)

whew Rodney gets the final rose, I was beginning to worry that my fantasy team was about to get murdered. 

Tayshia and Kaitlyn showing up to remind us last second that A. We do not miss OMCH B. The 'host' on this show is scenery and the overly popping up of them earlier in the season was unnecessary and C. They are gorgeous women but this matching outfit thing is funny. D. WE REALLY DO NOT MISS OMCH. 

A quick note on Martin, consider how much Mich is willing to put up with him vs with Jamie, makes me think there was even more with Jamie than we saw. And Jamie's downfall may have been hastened by attacking Mich's faves he made himself a threat to her immediate happiness whereas Martin is just a standalone bit of fluff. 

Bloopers: 

Olu feeding Mich some popular dishes from Africa (the continent - saying this as a reminder since too often peeps treat it like it is a vague-country) and watching her struggle with the spice was endearing. He had the same look of mild amusement I have whenever I feed an ethnic person mid-level spice and they are shocked like they were just hit with a scorpion sting. 

Bachelorette recap or are we sure the guys know who Michelle is?

 We start with guys recapping how shady Jamie was. 

Kaitlyn has a sit down chat with Michelle ("Mich") and tries to show emotions but her face will not allow it. Mich says "these men are really good at being vulnerable" Kaitlyn "ooh I really like that" DO YOU?

Tayshia arrives with the date card. 

Martin gets the one on one Olu tells us that "Martin and Jamie were very close" so Olu does not trust Martin. Michelle at the start of the date notes that "Martin and Jamie were very close" so she wants to see if she can trust him...this feels producer driven. 

One on one: 

Race track adrenaline date (BMW performance track - shout out to those of us who drive 'domestic'), but Michelle is not the one driving as a car drifts around the track and races up to Martin.

Is driving a BMW like going to Harvard, you have to tell everyone you did it? Mich is a former professional athlete so she does not have the 'take it easy' gene, she whips Martin in a race. 

There is a tub set up but I cannot tell if it is hot, lukewarm or cold, I just know that as her nethers reach the water Mich makes a face but the show cuts away. In the tub Mich is asking Martin on his thoughts about what happened with Jamie, Martin takes a dumb tact of not just going all in with Mich and makes her think Martin is questioning her decision making. Look bro, your boy is gone you don't have to flame him, but standing up for him the day after it comes out that he lied to everyone is a weird tact. And even if you initially thought "I need to stand up for my bro" Mich's body language is flashing a big red stop sign. 

Evening: 

Mich immediately tells Martin that when she was talking about Jamie she "felt very shut down" by Martin, Martin says he is working on his communication, I would say he is communicating a lot of red flags well. 

Group date card arrives and there are a lot of front runners on the date "Surrender to love" Rick gets the one on one date. Nayte says that he is confident he will eventually get a one on one Chris S tells us that "that comes across cocky." 

Back to the date, Martin's willingness to "try" to open up wins him the date rose and a make out under simulated stars. 

Next day Group Date:

Some sleep ware arrives for the guys on the group date and Chris G is forced to just wear briefs for his...

again gauche and this is even before we get to "we wouldn't do this to women,: we should not do it to ANYONE. If he chooses to strip down that is different but putting him in the gear is weird to me.

Michelle and the men go to a slumber partyesque event with carnival type games and stuffed toys, and treats. The men seem more interested in hanging out with each other to the point that Michelle has to call guys over to hang with her and then asks a producer "What the f#$k am I doing here?"

The guys do punching challenges

and literally tell Michelle to sit it out, then say "let's play duck duck goose" and then say when someone points out that Mich is not there "she can join when we start to play." Very bro moment of forgetting who you are with. 

The date continues and reveals the Bella Twins (WWE wrestlers) having a stuffed toy fight

"The Ultimate Teddy Bear Takedown" Mich is upset because this means the guys "will be competing with each other and not spending time with me." Mich is so visibly upset that Kaitlyn asks "are you okay?" Tayshia also checks in. Mich feels unseen. 

Nayte is crowing that his team is going to easily win pointing out the physical prowess of the other team so of course he just gets MOLLY WHOPPED in the ring by Will. The fights are...interesting 

When it is his turn Olu strips down to show off his impressive physique.

The winning team celebrates by themselves...and not with Michelle. She even walks off while they are celebrating and the team does not notice. 

Evening portion: 

Michelle lets the guys know that she did not feel seen on the date and she is concerned. Michelle references the poem she read last week about "growing up in the shadows" and when she leaves Olu begins to cry saying "that poem was very powerful." Mich pulls Nayte first and tells him part of why his actions hurt so much is that she is already having feelings for him. Olu and Mich have a very strong 'black love' moment where he references that he sees the trials and tribulations that his sisters go through...he gets the date rose.

One on one: 

Michelle "I feel like we are ready to take our relationship to new heights" so Rick will have to go up a mountain with her. The couple goes hiking in the mountain and come upon a box where you can leave wishes and read the wishes of others, through that we find that Rick's dad passed away three years ago.

Evening portion: 

Rick goes into some more details about his complicated past with his dad. When he was 17 Rick spotted a text on his dad's cell from a woman that was not his mom, he told his mom about it and it precipitated his mom leaving his dad. Rick felt guilty about that for ages (makes sense, a lot to carry that should never be on anyone's shoulder). Michelle comforts Rick and says "those wounds and those scars that you have are also what make you this amazing person that you are." 

Rick hints that he is falling in love. Michelle breaks out the date rose which he definitely 'earned.'

They get serenaded by Andy Grammer while Michelle pretends to be happy Andy is there, rare that I know the musical artist BUT I still do not know them well. 

Cocktail Party:

Chris S. Decides to upstage Mich by handing her her drink as she walks down and before she can speak gives a speech telling the guys and Mich that she should give time to guys who are willing to step up...Bro sit your ass down. This speech is not what you think it is. Brandon asks to speak to Mich first, but then Chris S demands to talk to her first Mich points out "Brandon stepped up" then tells Brandon she will go talk to Chris S for a quick minute. 

Chris S. tells Mich that he is one of the guys who wants to be here for her while others are not and then specifically mentions Nayte as a guy "who has it in the bag." Mich immediately brings it up to Nayte. 

Nayte takes Chris S. aside but their argument is loud enough that other guys can hear it. Chris claims that Nayte's name just happened to come out of his mouth and he did not mean to single him out but Chris then says he did not do homework so he cannot list other names

"I came in on my white horse and saved her from the castle she has been stuck in" sadly I think Chris S truly thinks that is his mandate.  

Olu and Rick the only men with roses have a chat with Chris S and Chris is crowing that "based on the reception I got upstairs" he is guaranteed a rose. He says he will wink at Olu and say "you can put it in a flower vase by your bedside and keep it there until the next ceremony." So much foreshadowing. 

Rose ceremony: 

Roses to Brandon, Leroy, Joe, Rodney, Clayton, Casey, Nayte, and the final rose goes to DRAMA aka Chris S. Chris is crowing in his ITM that he got the rose "I did not give a little wink, but I know in his heart that he is happy I am here." 

The show ends with the cast going to Minnesota. 

Bachelorette recap or an infomercial for Top Gun 2

 I have a 16 year old staying with me so like many a 'parent' I no longer feel comfortable just watching any ole thing while impressionable eyes can view it also I may have gone to Hawaii and well tropics over Bach it is not that hard a set of math...even the guys from last week could figure that out. 

This might be the latest I have ever gotten to an episode that I bother watching and not have it spoiled. 

Guys are concerned that Michelle might be losing faith Casey (age 36) "it seems like there is a rat in our midst." Jamie wearing a shirt with a stripe of kente cloth continues to pretend that he does not know who had the conversation with Michelle about Joe. 

"I want a man who isn't afraid of the danger zone" thus says the new date card. Oh and hey did you know Top Gun 2 is coming out soon? 

Michelle is going to be doing the date with Jay Ellis and Glen Powell

who Peter pretends to really love (I think any celebrity would have gotten that reaction from him)

. 

The guys get Call sign nicknames and get to run through some drills, like Frosty Tips, Frosty for short for Martin and Dough Boy for Peter the Pizza man. 

The guys have to get in a G-force simulator while telling Michelle what they feel about her, as someone who gets motion sickness, she would not want to hear what I would say about her while spinning. Then there is a jousting challenge with Clayton first going against Nayte, this is not a fair fight and Clayton murks Nayte. Peter vs Will is even more of a crushing blow (I could not resist) and Will embarrasses Peter.

Will aka Little Willy wins the overall date challenge and gets a bomber jacket and a drive in the "vintage car from Top gun Maverick" that he can only reply "wow" to as he pretends that this car he has never seen before is important to him. 

Evening Date: 

Clayton decides to give Michelle a taste of the simulator in his alone time with her.

Lots of chill conversations with Michelle and lots of kisses so you know it has to go off a cliff. Cut to Peter and Will jawing at each other while guys like Martin, Olu and Nayte look on uncomfortably. 

Back to hotel, Rodney gets the next one on one date card while a frosted tip guy tells us he does not think Rodney gets out of the friend zone with Michelle, as a drafter of Rodney, here is hoping he is wrong. 

Back to date, I like that Michelle is unafraid to kiss the men and does not make doing so a big deal. 

Do guys with glasses often lift them up awkwardly for kissing? 

Peter picks up the jacket Will won and the other guys are saying "no Peter" or "why bro?" as Peter takes the jacket and walks off. He walks back to the group and they ask him where the jacket is and Peter tells them he threw it in the pool because he wanted Will "to feel disrespected" like he claims to have been.

Will comes back to the group after his time with Michelle and he finds out the jacket was thrown in the pool and he is understandably upset. Peter tries to act like his throwing the jacket in the pool was not a blatant move that could damage the whole date.

The guys are begging Will to not let Michelle know while the night is ongoing. Martin wins the date rose and gets a dance with Michelle while a string quartet plays "Take my Breath Away" hey did you know Top Gun maverick is coming out soon? We go to commercial with Will fishing his jacket out of the pool.

If I did not know about the bad tweet history with Will I might feel some empathy here. 

One on one Date:

Rodney is shown grooming, then rolling a suitcase to the wall that looks like it is clearly empty. 
Rodney gets a night date; have y'all noticed that a lot of the ethnic dates do not seem to have a day time portion? 

Michelle is blind folded as Rodney feeds her items to guess: French fries, pizza, etc. Michelle while blindfolded tries to spray whip cream on Rodney's face. They have to be handcuffed and search boxes for a key. Continuing the shows trend of forcing nudity onto people, one of them has to strip down naked and streak,

this is gauche, and as Rodney streaks Kaithlyn and Tashia spy on him

and many of the guys come out. 

Sounds like Frosted tips was wrong, Michelle says "today Rodney kept chipping away at the friendship zone and got to the relationship zone" as we see them kissing.

A group date card arrives and Jamie is uber confident "at the end of my journey I know I get the girl." 

Back to the date and Rodney has to row Michelle over to dinner and I am mildly surprised he was competent at it. 

Rodney's 'sob story' - single mom, dad left at 6, struggles while mom raised 2 sons. 

Michelle gets asked by Rodney why her last relationship ended and she brings up something that many people of color will understand, her partner of a different color could not show the empathy that Michelle needed when a white woman called her the N-word in a store. 

Playing off Rodney's inability to tell apples apart Michelle "apple-lutely" wants Rodney to have the date rose and Rodney apple-lutely" accepts the rose. 

Group Date: 

Jamie thinks the guys will feel pressure being on the date with him. 

Rudy Francisco given a spoken word poem as the group walks in causes Chris G to become giddy, he says Rudy is the reason he got into spoken word., Chris G has his hands over his mouth and is in shock. 

Of course the guys have to write a poem and perform it before the other guys. I will say this, the poems were not half bad and dare I say they were good when you factor in the time constraints. 
Jamie claims to have lost his book so he will freestyle and he tells a story about a girl who is lost on a path...

Michelle's poem gets a standing ovation from the men. 

Night Portion: 

Michelle and Brandon have an aggressive kiss. Lots of voice over with Jamie telling us that he is a lock for the rose. 

Brandon gets the group date rose, his second and this causes Jamie to pull a producer to the side "we need to talk" and he rants that he thinks Michelle "is in spring break mode" and that the shows "nation wide search" failed in finding quality men to compete with him.

 

Cocktail Party: 

Rick decides to assure Michelle that all the guys are here for her and she goes "I guess I was surprised that it was Jamie that brought that conversation to me", Rick is stunned that Jamie was the one "who threw other guys under the bus." 

Some of the guys decide to confront Jamie about his actions. Jamie stutters his way through trying to explain to the guys that he told Michelle that "the speculation created a character in the room." Nayte calls Jamie out for worrying about "the viewers" and how "episodes" will look, Jamie is running his scenarios like he is a producer.

"Low key, High Key actually, very snakey bro." Michelle walks in and notices there is tension amongst the guys so she asked what's up and Jamie tries to get ahead of the potential problem to him and tries to lead Michelle down a path as he tries to change the story narrative of what he told Michelle vs what he told the guys. Jamie tries to pretend that he wanted to protect Michelle and that is why he created the story.

Michelle asks to speak to Jamie outside and tells him that she thinks "the trust is completely broken" so she tells Jamie he has to leave that night but poor Michelle has to walk up and down those ridiculous staircases once again in heels

Having to do that in sneakers would annoy me so I cannot imagine the desire to just cut people from the show after having to do it in heels. 

Michelle tells the remaining guys that she is "looking for my soulmate" and the Jamie drama has made her want to cut the rest of the cocktail party short.  

Rose Ceremony: 

Roses to Joe, Rick, Leroy, Nayte, Casey, Chris G., Chris S., Clayton, Olu (that ends the streak where I thought she started doing in alphabetically to make it easier), Romeo, and the final rose goes to Will and his soaking Jacket - Peter looks livid then redeems himself a bit on the way out "Michelle I wish you nothing but success and happiness."