I just finished watching the ‘Weakest link’ and moving from that group of “Mensa we are not” to this show feels right.
We start this episode with Chasen and Noah lounging on a day bed together while the rest of the other guys look on with sullen despair at them…both of these guys look like they are from San Diego (Chasen is) and they both seem ready to ‘Bro-out.’
The guys have to write an original love song and Bennett is able to work Harvard into the convo here “I did not do any musical courses at Harvard” I have a few friends who went to Harvard and it is a skill they all cultivate. You could say “Oh no, that guy just got decapitated” “well during my time at Harvard no one was ever decapitated” thanks Will, that really added to the conversation,” by the way, your girlfriend is at this party with us. “
The guys have to sing for Tayshia and it is as terrible as you would think.
Riley just recites a poem. Bennett, decides to go with a rap “I’m taking you home to mate-ya” it was Speak & Spell rap at its finest.
Ivan pulls Tayshia to the ‘stage’ to recite his song, and it earns him a hug.
Demar has been puffing up his abilities in this competition and in it he calls Tayshia his “Mocha Latte” at least he can play the guitar, but his singing is like those people in the first rounds of auditions of American Idol.
Tayshia picks Ivan, which is also known as the “I wanted it to be you no matter how you did” pick.
Ivan rolls his suitcase to the door for the potential ‘pick up by the valet’ if he gets booted on his night time portion with Tayshia at her suite.
Evening:
On the date Tayshia insists that the ‘floor is Lava’ so for them to order room service they have to get from the living room to the bedroom without touching the ground…then Ivan has to go back for the menu that they left in the living room, this kind of childishness is why she dated JPJ, mystery solved.
EW.com has the best photo of it -
They also played twister but somehow it did not feel sexual
They get a giant sundae as part of their room service and my night changes as I express concern for all the ice cream that is going to be wasted - THAT IS A CRIME!
A Group Date card shows up and after the names are read Noah pipes up that he wishes he was going on the date and Bennett calls him out since Noah already has a rose.
Back to the date, and Ivan puts his brother’s whole business in the street – drug use, and 4 years of prison! We get to see why the show does not normally highlight what is happening in the real world, Ivan asks Tayshia about how the pandemic has affected her and she breaks down crying, the cynic in me thinks part of these tears are because she could not actually answer Ivan’s question.
[Whew in the ‘Blackish’ Trailer Tracee Ellis Ross is rocking a cat suit!]
This show has needed to address its problems with race for ages but this feels clumsy, but I guess progress? It is telling that they use the 2 mixed people to do it, rather than say Tayshia with any of the handful of black guys remaining. Ivan gets the date rose. I am torn though because we finally got “Black Lives Matter” on this cotton candy show!
Becca (Or should I say “newly single Becca”) and Sydney show up to ‘help’ Tayshia on her Group date:
The guys have to do what looks like a scavenger hunt coupled with dares.
The first Dare has Riley drinking a smoothie of Tomato, Apple, Banana, Spinach, Cow intestines and Water Scorpion (Bennett will later chug this also)
Bennett and Demar are teamed up Bennett is rocking the knee brace and they go to OMCH to get their butt cheeks signed…OMCH was lounging with crab legs and champagne…pretty much what you think his whole job is like.
Blake and Kenny have to fake an organism over the hotel speakers “Blake got some demons dog, Blake needs to go to church” I am pretty sure Eazy was the one who said this but my head was down and I am too lazy to rewind…plus they are phasing him out anyway.
When it is Kenny’s turn with the smoothie his is Blackberry, Blueberry, Raspberry, Chicken Feet, Larvae and Crickets, as someone who has had all those ingredients that recipe seems much better than the tomato smoothie. Blake’s smoothie is Pineapple, Peach, Blue Spirulina, Buffalo testicles and Beetles.
Bennett’s fake orgasm has him saying “Don’t worry about that” as part of his ‘passion.’
This was not actually 'the o-face' -
The last dare requires eating a whole Habanero and then fake proposing to Tayshia. I have mentioned it before in this blog, but my cousin can just eat a whole pepper via nibbles, he does not have to force it down he can eat in big bites or nibble it cockily, kid is a monster.
Bennett says he can recognize that the fake proposal is crazy but it still hit him in the feels.
Evening portion:
Bennett’s sob story is that he had to call off his engagement, he never saw his parents “as solid” in their relationship.
Zac and Tayshia in the middle of the group date get hot tub time “looking up at the stars” and it leads to a make-out session; this earns him the group date rose.
Back to the house and Ben is freaking out that he might not get time with Tayshia before the rose ceremony so he is going to sneak over to Tayshia…at the same time Ed tells us that he is planning to do the same. We get to see Ed and Ben trying to walk over to Tayshia’s and…Ed first knocks on a door at 2:30am in the morning…and OMCH opens the door, I gotta think the producers set Ed up, OMCH invites Ed in for a drink, cut back to Ben getting into Tayshia’s suite.
I am unsure what was more awkward OMCH and Ed’s wine and sigh bro date or Ben awkwardly saying “I was not going to let another day go by without kissing you.” As Ben kisses Tayshia there is a knock on the door and I initially think the producers finally sent Ed to the right room, but it is just room service that Ben ordered; strawberries, champagne and kisses. Ed never finds Tayshia’s room.
Rose Ceremony:
Ben learning from his last mistake is the first to take Tayshia aside while dressed like a highschooler at his first choral performance.
Riley (the lawyer) breaks out a boyfriend contract that has to be sealed with a kiss.
Noah on his time with Tayshia decides to talk about how the other guys in the house have responded to him, claims that others have said Tayshia giving him a rose was “just for the show.” At this point I braid my beard because this convo is stupid.
Noah’s tattling causes Tayshia to assemble all the guys in the room for a talking to and cancels the rest of the cocktail party.
The guys question Noah and what he told Tayshia, Noah claims he has repeatedly tried to talk to the guys about how they treat him and none of the guys have any recollection of him doing this.
Bennett tells Noah that arguing with him is like arguing with a 14 year old and he owes all the men and Tayshia an apology- “I’m here for love, not breast feeding Noah.” “I am not on the Babysitter, I am on the Bachelorette.” Bennett has taken over the Eazy role as the ‘narrator’ as Eazy gets phased out.
Every time I hear Kenny call Tayshia “T” I wonder if it is because he is unsure that he will pronounce her name correctly. Kenny on Noah “I saw him playing chess in the house, maybe he is smarter than we all thought.”
Ed gets the final rose of the night which leads to the predicted blood bath: leaving are Joe, Kenny, Jordan C (Who someone on twitter called Off-brand Shemar Moore and I cannot un-see it), Chasen, and his scowl.
Riley’s post rose ceremony toast “Today was a trying time, but cheers to being better men for Tayshia.”
Bloopers – Apparently OMCH has stopped knocking and just walks in on the guys in the house and they do not like that, we learn this from the wine date with Ed.
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