Let's have a moment of 'First World problems' frivolity. My Fitbit that I just replaced in January after its predecessor died in December and Fitbit took almost a month to replace – just died, yup! My Fitbit, barely 2 months old, has died! The same Fitbit that 3 month ago I nearly replaced with an Apple watch but stuck it out because "we will honor your warranty" that I demanded be extended because their bloody watch builds are nothing like they used to be, I want to stay loyal to the company, I have bought so many members of my family Fitbits, but I cannot and will not recommend them anymore…and if they do not send me a free replacement, well it has been fun, I love the Fitbit community but I cannot throw good money after bad. All that said…sigh, am I really going to give Apple more control of my life? Can I not just get up and workout without being prompted? The answer is probably NO!
So with that out of the way, now that I am in full Karen mode, let's talk about the Bach.
What do you know about Matt? The show is allegedly working with a Diversity consultant so HOW DID THEY LET LAST WEEK's episode happen? It only makes sense if their diversity consultant is a guy who went on vacation listened to some reggae, chanted down Babylon and thought "Now I understand the struggle!"
Because otherwise how do you let that episode with Matt's dad on? Everything we know about Matt is a stereotype, Black athlete with the absentee dad, who is dating a bunch of women, likes white women and prefers to pal around with his bros. WE KNOW NOTHING about him beyond the superficial stereotypes, this show has done him a disservice. I am at the stage where if you told me Sen. Ron Johnson is the diversity consultant of this franchise I would not bat an eye.
I have been work swamped so I have not checked the web or social media in about 6 hours, I was just about to open twitter when it hit me, "you went this long how much would it suck getting a spoiler now"…so phone is back down and let's run pure into this world.
As we have Obvious Man Chris Harrison (OMCH) still doing the VO work for the show including the After The Final Rose Episode that we are told he is not part of (Cough Cough EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Cough Cough).
We start with Matt meeting up with his mom and her makeup and his bro, who immediately comments on Matt's waves. Matt's bro's mean mug is giving me life, he looks like I would if my bro went on this show. HOLD UP IS THAT A GRILL?
"Nothing I want more for Matt to find love…from a woman" did y'all hear the slightest hitch when Matt's mom said that?
MICHELLE:
The first woman to meet Matt's family is the woman that looks the most forward facing black and I feel like this was planned.
John, Matt's bro pulls Michelle to the side first and tells us he is "looking for a vibe" and as he faces Michelle he has his arms folded and makes sure to keep a glass of wine as a cudgel. John tells us he is skeptical of the process but seems to be charmed by Michelle. The show would NEVER do it, but man I would have cracked up if Matt's bro was the Bach…it’s a vibe!
Matt's mom asks Michelle if when her family met Matt "did you feel a peace about that?" Matt's mom breaks down when talking to Michelle about Matt seeking out friends with strong families because she could not offer him that when he was growing up.
Showcasing that Michelle had more charisma than the show let us see all season she throws snowballs at Matt.
RACHAEL:
But if you think my lazy ass is typing out her double As you have another thing coming – RR it is.
Matt warns RR that his bro would be tough, I do not remember that warning to Michelle?
Matt's mom breaks out a fun sweater for this visit. I bet Matt's mom gets down with a bottle of Chardonnay and is hilarious.
John seems suspicious of RR "Have you
ever been in true love before?" "What qualities do you see in Matt to
make him a long term partner?" Those are a bit more probing than most of
these Bach type 'interviews.'
RR when talking to Matt's mom says that the first night when Matt "prayed over us…really resonated with me" and she touches her hand to her heart as she catches the vapors.
Matt's family is clearly not on board with Matt ending this season with an engagement…
Matt now confused by his family's hesitancy calls upon his father figure, OMCH.
Matt tells OMCH that he is now uncertain about 'ending the journey' with an engagement. OMCH bringing all the depth of a teaspoon questions Matt's mom's logic to Matt's face. Yo son, you just gonna have OMCH shrug off your moms like that? OMCH being his full obvious self "so what you are saying is you do not want to be engaged at the end of this?" Granted Matt's mom was super bleak with "love fades" but come on, this show has had less than 10% of their leads end up in marriages, much less successful marriages, so her view is a lot more practical that OMCH's…oh and while to me divorce is no biggie, OMCH pretending like he knows it all while sitting on a divorce and dating a much younger woman is really cracking me up as the avatar of "together forever!"
MICHELLE 1X1:
Matt asks her "do you have any idea what we are going to do today?" How could she Matt, there was no date card? Bringing back a franchise fave date Matt and Mich are going to rappel down the side of a building. This weekend I broke out my new cold weather cycling gear, super tight pants (you know what cycling gear looks like) that are so tight the calves/ankle area have a zipper…I think Matt's jeans might be tighter than my gear – he is not smuggling grapes he is making wine in those jeans. Oh and Matt was as ungainly as you would expect when he first started rappelling, if you watched this season you know Matt is pro mistake.
Evening:
"World Changing Warriors" - Michelle presents Matt gifts of Basketball jerseys with that team name and on the back his jersey says 'Mr. James' and hers 'Mrs. James' – presumptuous yes, but even more risky when we know what Matt is thinking.
Matt tells Mich he is having doubts and he says "having any doubts at this point for me is scary" imaging what Mich is thinking?
I really hope she did not pay for those jerseys, please let it have been a show production department purchase, it has to be right? This is not like ordinary hometowns where the contestant could just go to a store.
Mich breaks down in tears as Matt tells her "sorry" and leaves.
OMCH earning his money this season comes up to a post-crying Matt and sits with him on the curb "What your mom said shook you to the core" OBVIOUSLY!
All season Matt has been blaming his dad for his issues when it comes to love, but sure, let's bring Matt's dad on for a public heart to heart, let's have Matt try to process childhood trauma on TV, let's all pretend that what we are watching is not the crumbling of a man's psyche, because any other pretense will make this harder to stomach.
Matt ends his time with OMCH with "I need some time" then a dramatic walk off.
RACHAEL:
RR tells us that she is excited for her last date with Matt "seriously overwhelming" "can we just start our life together already?" Except OMCH is weirdly leaning against her door frame when she thinks Matt will be there. OMCH tells RR that the show is respecting Matt's need for "some time" so she will not be having a day date.
OBVIOUSLY this leaves RR crying "Like OBVIOUSLY he is having doubts."
Matt tells us that he is questioning "what it means to be a man and a husband"…"maybe I need to hold that ring in my hand" because OBVIOUSLY the show STILL brought Neil Lane on to pimp his rings even as Matt is crumbling…gotta fulfill those show contracts.
While Matt looks at rings I look at Apple Watches, I suspect only one of us will have a longer commitment to the high value 'purchase' we are making.
Did Matt just say "Can I touch it?" to holding a ring? Bro, it is not a stick of dynamite.
This batch of engagement rings is much better than the usual and that says a lot.
Back to RR's room and I am happy to see that he white sheets remain only on the bed. As RR sits around 'alone' moping in her short robe there is a knock on the door and a note is slipped under it; then we get some all-time terrible suspension of belief editing. RR sits back on her couch and we get an over the shoulder look of her removing the note card, we then cut to a shot of her on the couch pulling the card out but there is NO camera behind her, we then cut back to her with the card completely out of the envelope and an over the shoulder shot held super clear and steady for the camera to catch it all, a note from Matt apologizing for making her wait and an invite to the lake, also observe that we hear RR read the note but never see her lips moving while reading it.
TO PROPOSE OR NOT TO PROPOSE:
Matt is at the proposal site and OMCH asks if he knows what he is going to do and Matt's response is "I think it is all going to come to me when I see her." I know I am a terrible person for hoping he pulls a Juan Pablo but RR deserves none of our empathy.
RR walks up and she is heavy breathing but I wonder if some of that is because she has to be freezing in that dress with a back cut out in Fall/Winter in the north east (shout out Tami of my Bach group who thinks the producers are sadists for their location picking).
Because of Matt's ditching of the date RR's profession of love sounds like someone in a job interview trying to overcome the skepticism they are feeling from the interviewer.
Matt takes RR's hand in his and OBVIOUSLY brings up his dad again. Matt tells RR that he "cannot propose to you today…but that does not mean I want to lose you…I want to leave here with you…and I want to commit to you…and the truth is that I love you." The Juan Pablo-lite!
Allow me the harshest moment of cynicism and just zero benefit of the doubt – at the start of this season I told you Matt was picking a white girl, early in this season I told you Matt was not getting engaged, early in this season I told you he had more chemistry with his bro than with all of these women: is it wrong of me to think that Matt has found a scapegoat in his dad? Again this does not mean the dad is not a terrible person, or that Matt has terrible trauma from his childhood and how his parents appear to play him off each other but the dad really began to feel like a crutch like how "right reasons" was a crutch for so many seasons. Okay back to roses and light…Matt and RR commit to staying together but not getting engaged.
ATFR:
Hosted by LIFETIME LONGHORN Emmanuel Acho.
As Acho says with OMCH gone "this is the most shocking ATFR ever."
Acho saying the quite part out loud, this show barely works as a vehicle for love -
Michelle tells us that Matt refused to speak to her to give her closure after he rejected her on the show. Mich and Acho touch on the RR photos and OMCH's defense of her but as expected they cannot go as hard on it as I would like them to.
Matt and his beard come out and he gives Mich no chance to refuse his hug.
If Mich immediately hit Matt with a Lizzo "YOU COULDA HAD A BAD BITCH" when he said "It's been hard" describing his last few months could we blame her?
Mich tells Matt she was not okay after Matt left her with no opportunity. Mich mentions producers were in her room watching her breakdown and Matt intimates that he was not told how much she wanted to speak to him – Producers strike again! I told you already, this show wanted RR to be the prize they steered it the way they wanted it.
Acho swinging where OMCH treads lightly "Michelle you may never see Matt again…is there anything you want to share?" And Mich again showing her funny side tells Matt that she hopes he learns to kiss with his eyes closed and to respond with more than "thank you for sharing" when someone pours their heart out.
I love that Acho is talking with Matt not at Matt. This is a conversation so much of America would take for granted but persons like myself struggle with the realities of this conversation daily. I am the front facing black attorney at my firm, I take that seriously; my white colleagues can say anything they want, but I know that anything I say is viewed through a different lens and I cannot afford to let down the others whose journey I feel is on my shoulders. So for as much as I clown Matt I completely feel empathy for this young Brother's journey, I cannot imagine the stress of being mid 20s and trying to carry this franchise forward (all while knowing you are going to pick a white woman).
Matt tells us how it is to find out the woman you are dating might be racist, he did what every guy I know who has dated outside their race and had a moment of understanding does, you initially deny it – Again a personal moment (and I make no apology for constantly breaking into things that are mine because A. My blog, B. I am the same shade as Matt, we have a shared experience) I once dated a girl whose dad was a virulent racist, I tried to pretend it was not a thing, but it was and after a few months together we had to part ways, it was just not something I could get past even though when I first learned about it I thought "Nah that cannot be true, she is nothing like her dad."
Matt tells us that he and RR are no longer together and Acho asks if her actions of 3 years should still be held against her now. Matt hits us with reality RR "needs to work on what she needs to do" I am good with that, we do not need the black man having to work to rehabilitate the white girl's image.
Guys can we just say, thank goodness OMCH put his foot in his mouth during the interview with Rachel Lindsay because I cannot imagine how bad this night would be if we had OMCH on here coddling RR.
RR comes out and I know it is because of the situation but the dress feels bold.
Acho tells us that for the sake of educating people they will put up a photo from the antebellum party that RR attended and then the show puts up the mildest photo from that party. That photo feels designed to make people who have not seen the other photos go "oh that is not that bad."
Acho asks why RR took so long to apologize but her answer is trite.
RR tells Matt that she understands why they broke up, as if she could take any other tact.
Instead of telling us what is immediately on his mind, Matt stares a lot at RR while rubbing his fingers together and Rachel rubs his shoulder,
I get the sense that this is a man broken by realizing that he was suckered by a show and a franchise that willingly set him up.
Finally when he speaks "The most disappointing thing to me was having to explain to you why what I saw was problematic." Is this insight into RR's initial reaction? Did she really push back at Matt telling her why what she did was wrong?
RR says to Matt "…as I said to you...you were the only reason I did the show" so yup she did push back.
When asked if they would like one final embrace the pair forms an ice cube between them.
BACHELORETTE REVEAL:
The show tries to be slick and bring out Katie and Michelle at the same time and Katie walks in front of Michelle. Both will be the Bachelorette, Katie will go first, le sigh.
Back to cynical CALI J - Covid has killed TV production and ABC needs content so that is why we are getting two Bachelorettes in the same year.
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