Corona lockdown leads to Glazed chicken tenders, deep fried asparagus and candied peppers

So I have been sharing food photos with my friends because I said to them, I will eat only restaurant quality

meals during the corona/covid-19 shutdowns. A few have asked me for recipes/how to and others have told me what part of my anatomy I should stick hot implements because they are in a different state and cannot swing by to pick up food...see pic for how we do our food pickups with social distancing.

This is my normal casual when I feel like blog so do not expect consistency and do not expect cooking school like directions, I will just try to keep you mildly entertained and hopefully keep you from burning down your home. I am not going to pretend like you have as much stuff in your kitchen as I do, I do not expect the average person to have 3 different food thermometers, 5 spatulas, 4 sets of tongs, 5 cast iron pots, 2 wire racks, 2 waffle irons etc. etc. etc. and I SHOULD NOT HAVE ALL THIS EITHER, though I am not giving up my milk frother I do not care that I do not drink coffee, it is still bloody cool to use.

For this dish break out your cast iron, a bottle of oil, regular flour, tapioca flour or cornstarch (if you don’t have them don’t worry, but they definitely help to crisp it up), some bread crumbs, find that bottle of beer that you know you are never going to drink because Jason brought it over and he knows you hate that brand and he drank all your good stuff and left his crappy beer, an egg, some baking soda (most would use powder but I am sure you have some baking soda somewhere) salt, pepper (use the packets you grabbed from Burger King) some paprika and onion powder or if you have all purpose seasoning or poultry seasoning just use that in place of everything from the part that said salt.

Hopefully you have some sweet peppers, if you do for these guys you will need some white vinegar, a splash of balsamic (you can ignore this I am just sometimes bourgeois) sugar, and some granulated garlic or fresh chopped or more realistically some garlic powder. 

I know you probably bought some asparagus at the start of the panic saying "I am going to eat healthy" well do not worry about the fact that sucker is getting dried out, we are going to flash fry it so you will not even notice that you probably should have thrown it out a week ago. And for this recipe I am hoping you went to a Korean grocery store and at some point bought a box of ssamjang, if you didn't this still works we can swap hot sauce and chili powder etc. (NO PURISTS I AM NOT SAYING THEY ARE THE SAME, I am saying it is a shut down so if you do not have this very specific item swap with what you have).

Let's do the easiest thing first: Candied sweet peppers:

I really do not measure some of these thing so I am giving your guestimates but the joy of this type of cooking is that mixture-mistakes lead to happy accidents

1.     Cut up about 5 mini sweet peppers (enough to cover a frying pan)

2.     Put about 2 tablespoons sugar in a frying pan, pour in about a ¼ cup white vinegar and a splash of balsamic, then sprinkle in some garlic,

3.     put the heat on medium and shake pan to dissolve sugar,

4.     as soon as the sugar dissolves lower the heat and drop in all the peppers shake or stir, let that simmer for about 15 minutes stirring very occasionally – I just let it go as I fry the chicken. Cook till most of the liquid disappears

I would assume if you bought asparagus you know how to prep it for cooking but just in case, wash thoroughly, discard any droopy/soft stems and trim the bottom ends, let drain.

I used about 3lbs of chicken breast cut into strips, you can buy tenders if you want, but really a sharp knife and a cutting board and you get tenders in 2 minutes from three breasts but hey do you money bags if you go the tenders route. 

Sprinkle some seasoning on chicken, (you know salt etc.) you do not need too much because the ssamjang is very salty. In a mixing bowl add enough ssamjang so that every piece of chicken is showing a bit of red (if hot sauce use less). Add about a ¼ cup of milk to 'stretch' the sauce to all the pieces and let the chicken sit in it for at least an hour – I know you guys are slow at cooking so cut the breasts first then marinate them as you prep the other stuff, by the time the other stuff is done you will have time for this. If you marinate for only 15 minutes it will still work.

Batter/cooking:

This part is easy even though batters scare people,

All measurements are to eyeball, get a large bowl

1.     Take about 1 cup flour, half cup tapioca/cornstarch (if you do not have these then it is 1.5 cups flour I am sure you can figure out the math, the starch just makes the chicken crispier).

2.     Sprinkle in some seasoning

3.     Half cup beer just pour it in

4.     ¼ cup milk (you are actually going to get this from the marinating chicken it will add the flavor to the batter and you are deep frying this so don't panic with the "but it is from raw chicken" if you are going to deep fry the raw chicken then guess what, the batter will be cooked to oblivion too)

5.     1 egg (beat in in the same container "aint nobody got time for" a lot of dishes)

6.     On a cutting board or sizeable plate sprinkle about 2 cups of bread crumbs – honestly I do not know I always have to add more so I am just telling you a lot from now.

7.     Mix steps 1-5 up to the point of a runny paste, if too liquidy add more starch, if too thick add some more beer (so maybe don't drink the left over beer till you finish making the batter)

8.     Drop chicken in batter, if you had a large enough bowl you can put all the pieces in there at once (Hint – make sure you have a large enough bowl) stir to coat every piece

9.     Take pieces of battered chicken and dredge in the bread crumbs

10.  Let dredged pieces sit for a few minutes to let the breading adhere

11.  While the chicken sits roll the asparagus spheres in the batter and roll them in the remaining bread crumbs, these do not have to be coated like the chicken you are just making them a bit crunchy.

12.  Deep Fry the chicken in batches (I feel like every recipe says this so I just wanted to say it too) with your oil on medium (375 degrees) look just make it so that when you drop the pieces in they start to crisp slowly rather than immediately turning black or staying pale white. Easy tips, have about a half inch of oil in the pan, layer your pieces in circles starting from the edge of the pan so that you will then easily remember which pieces went in first thus which you should turn first and take out first. 

13.  Fry to a golden brown about 2 minutes per side, rookies will tell you to drain on paper towels, pros will tell you drain on a wire rack…become a pro -  get a wire rack it is great for everything from cookies to fried food to breads.

14.  Fry the asparagus and drain that too.

15.  Okay I normally make my own bbq sauce and another time I will share that but for now for this one you can just mix a ¼ cup ssamjang with 2 cups of bbq sauce and warm in a sauce pan, if using hot sauce go 2.25 cups bbq with 2 tablespoons hot sauce.

16.  Swirl the fried chicken pieces quickly in the warmed sauce, do not let them sit in it, you are just coating them, sprinkle the sauced up chicken with the crystalized/candied peppers, they add a nice colour pop and tang to the crispy chicken and asparagus. 

17.  And voila you now have a fun non-bland meal that really only took you about 15-20 minutes of actual work to make

Eating my sorrows away vol 232.2342

May post pix later if I feel like.

Just a pat on the back, how cool am I type blog today.

Expected company, but my company was so busy that when they called and sounded dead tired on the phone I told them to not drive into town, even though I really wanted to see them (back pat)

I was asked if it was no big deal and I assured it was not (back pat)

But really I am torn up inside since I actually put in some serious effort today to try to impress since I have not been the best person the last few weeks (back pat for effort, knife in back for being a bad person)

I cleaned house, vacuumed everything in sight and purchased booze that was liked by friend (back pat)

Then I cooked. (back pat and that is before I even get to what I did)

I bought a fresh pineapple and peeled it so that the meal would be filled with fresh ingredients (back pat)

I deboned then cut up 3 whole chicken breasts into slivers no larger than 2 inches in length and no thicker than 2 mms so that they can flash fry in less than a minute (back pat)

I peeled and deveined 1.25lbs of shrimp and marinated it in a home made sauce (back pat)

Then here comes the labour intensive portion, I took 2 carrots and used the finest setting on the grater and shaved them so that I basically had carrot mush and flakes and anyone who ever does fine grating knows...look out for fingers (back pat)

Then and we can lump this all together, I chopped fresh herbs from the herb garden, fine chopped green onions, garlic, ginger etc and made an amazing stir fry with the chicken slivers, the shrimp and the fine carrot with a special red sauce (chilies, sugar, worchestershire, cane sugar, lemon juice (fresh sqeezed), sea salt, and some jamaican seasonings (boiled then simmered to thicken). All served on a bed of coconut rice yup u guessed it: BACK PAT

I know I know, you wonder why I post all this...well its cathartic, I am boasting and damn it, if I grated a piece of my thumb nail (hahah not really) you can read this post. Now seriously...envy me because the meal was bloody good.

Oh and I finished it off with FRIED ICE CREAM (back pat

When grown men cry...vol 3.5336

I am not the crying type, do not do it at funerals, do not do it at weddings, sad movies anything. My bro does not shed tears either, and nor does the other male companion at the dinner. Forgive my sexism here for not listing the women but the post is titled "when grown men cry".

I made some jerk seasoning last night, the flavor was amazing but "oh my goodness, oh no, oh no oh no"...those are words that were echoed all night as tears poured from eyes as sweat sprung from my brow. My heart literally felt like it stopped (I think it might have). My bro had to walk outside into the cold air, our friend started gasping and doubled over in pain, and I, the Cali Jamaican, the man who created the meal, ran to the refrigerator poured a tall glass of milk and started gargling with it. I had made the spiciest jerk chicken and shrimp meal I have ever made in my life.

The pepper literally had me screaming, thank goodness we were out in the woods of Malibu. I have never experienced heat like that. It gave me instant hiccups and I could not stop the eyes from 'bleeding'.

The craziest part is that Sarah sat serenely across from us just staring at us as if nothing was wrong. I thought I was 2 steps away from death, and Sarah was in Oliver Twist mode "please sir can I have some more".

We killed a couple bottles of wine, a whole bottle of vodka, almost half a container of soy milk and tonnes of cups of water and I still feel as if my body is on fire. It is now 24 hours later and I am still haunted by the fire of it. The best part is, it tasted so damn good that we kept eating the food, even though we were suffering.

On a brighter or should it be lighter note, my scallops were judged "perfect" I was so damn happy. I always find scallops so damn challenging to make, they are so finicky. But I broiled them with some sea salt, garlic, ginger, sugar, olive oil and fresh cracked pepper and they just seemed to take the 'perfect' level of flavor.

Sometimes u can be just too cool...vol 1

Today getting out of the car I had a 'cool moment'. You know those moments when you know everything you are doing is just looking really cool. I pulled up windows down, nice So Cal day DMX 'Rough Riders Anthem' blasting at just the right volume, not too loud to annoy the neighbors, just loud enough to let peeps know "I'm cool". Pulled into a tricky spot, really smooth cause "I'm cool". Put the windows up left a suitable ventilation crack first try because "I'm cool". Took of my shades like a bloody Rockstar cause "I'm cool". Put my Ipod earphones in my air with a move that just looked amazing (flipped the cords from around my neck caught them on the up swing place in ears no static in the motion) cause "I'm cool". Stepped out of the car placed my Starburys on the ground like I owned the strip cause "I'm cool". Slid out had my Jamaican 'weed recylcing shirt' blaze out to the sun to let the world know I am a yardie cause "I'm cool"

Then reached my hand up to close the bloodclaut car door and jumped like a scared kid and yelped in pain cause...I got shocked by the damn car door. Damn static electricity...physics hates me!

So anyway went into the store to get some pork chops because I decided to tinker in the lab (aka the kitchen) with a spicy orange ginger glaze and let me tell you this it came out BLOODY AWESOME.
I got the idea when I was walking the attack poodle passed an abandoned lot, saw an orange tree over-loaded with ripened fruit. Grabbed one, went home juiced it into the pan, added ginger, pimento, sugar, soy sauce, sage, vinegar, ketchup, bbq sauce, and simmered...divine.
Baked some chops added carmelized onions, poured the sauce over them in the last minute and nearly killed myself by eating 3 servings worth in one sitting. I highly recommend it.

Sorry Robin, you had your invite...now bring me my damn juice!!!!