Bachelor episode 5 recap or "No seriously, you do not ever take a shower?"

I am fresh from Vegas and a weekend of the Super Bowl and eating badly, so why stop now? I fire up the DVR, break out a bag of chips and a tub of ice cream and the worst thing I am probably going to do to myself is...watch this show.

The travelling circus that is the Bachelor packs up and goes to Santa Fe New Mexico we quickly realize that one of the girls has no idea that Santa Fe is in America since Megan begins to talk about Beaches, resorts and sombreros; "it's definitely going to be an adventure..I am so excited I have never been out of the country" I really hope no one explained it to her at first and she was confused at "how good they all speak english" (or something similar). Her mind would really be blown by Paris, Texas or Ontario, California.

Carly gets the one on one date "let's come together..Chris" uh huh.

Carly runs up to Chris and immediately starts our Kiss counter - ONE

The show ups the kitsch factor and has a woman meditating by the pool and acting as if she cannot hear them, we are introduced to Tziporah Kingsbury, a 'Love and Intimacy Mentor' (I could have used one of those in law school...if that was really a thing). Chris tells us he is putting his faith in this 'Love Guru'.
The love guru (LG) begins to burn some sage, 
(I know obeah when I see it - click here). 
This show is working hard to keep its PG rating we are 2 steps away from watching Chris mount Carly, as I type this, the LG tells them that they are going to shed clothes to become more open with each other. They take each other's tops off but as Carly begins to remove Chris' trousers she tells him that she is uncomfortable and they stop the weird exercise. The fact that they have not burst out laughing yet is impressing me, the fact that they have not burst out laughing...is also depressing me.

The LG makes Carly mount Chris and they simulate orgasms (I assume) while being barred from kissing, 
once allowed to kiss Carly dives in like a vulture hungry for that carcass.

Cut back to the other girls and Kelsey is telling Ashley I and Mckenzie about her husband's death (ex-husband's death, former hubbie's death? I cannot figure out how to write that) her audience is not impressed. The date cards arrive and Britt will have the next one on one.

Back to Carly and Chris and it is the evening portion without the LG. Carly tells Chris that she has not been physical with someone in a year and a half - she says this is because the boyfriend she dated for 2 years never wanted to touch her physically...very depressing stuff for a 'first date'. If she is using this to set Chris up to ravage her it is an evil genius move. Chris tells Carly that he has insecurities too and Carly asks him point blank if he is worried that someone might get to his home in Iowa and immediately want to leave...he is. Carly of course gets the rose, I think we are all wondering if she is going to get the D! Lots of making out on rugs as we fade out to commercials.

By the way, Carly is the sister of Zak from Desiree's season of the Bachelorette.

Group date time and Kaitlyn (hey hottie) guesses that they might go white water rafting, she is correct - still my favorite for now. I do wonder what kind of dance she teaches per her title of 'Dance instructor'.

They go down the rapids and Jade falls in the water which leads to the return of the season long MVP the black bar, she claims to have a condition where her body goes into hypothermia in temperatures that normal people would not...this causes Chris to massage her feet

- Kelsey is NOT happy! The evening portion of the date is about to start but as Chris is walking through the hotel lobby to meet the girls he is stopped by Jordan (you might remember her as drunk constantly) a girl he eliminated in week 2. 
She claims to have driven in from Colorado, just to see Chris and I have to wonder...HOW DOES SHE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE? I am (obvi) a big fan of this show, yet I have never bothered to stalk this show in the manner that all these people seem to be able to - Sober Jordan looks a lot hotter than drunk Jordan, it is hard to believe this is the same person. 
While he and Jordan are talking the other girls are sitting waiting for him and beginning to worry...Chris finally walks up with Jordan on his arm and the other girls have to immediately start plastic smiling but they cannot muster it.

Ashley I gets the first one on one time and she immediately takes shots at Jordan, while wearing her Cleopatra outfit...I cannot take her seriously.

The other girls are critiquing Jordan to her face, and then spending their time with Chris talking about her I guess that is a good strategy? Kaitlyn tells us that she is kind of excited about the potential for drama - atta girl. Ashley I tries to rally the troops to revolt against Jordan and tells them to not be nice to Jordan, she is shocked that Whitney disagrees.

Ashley doesn't understand being nice to someone...this isn't going to end well. #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/ykXJcA3kwn
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 3, 2015

Carly and Britt are home discussing Britt's upcoming one on one and Carly tells Britt that she will need to shower for the date - apparently Britt has not showered in weeks? I am so thoroughly confused here -  please tell me this means she takes baths daily and not that it means she is not cleansing herself if not daily at least every second day (such is my disgust that I am willing to concede days for cleansing). Could she seriously just be taking 'ho baths' or is she just rubbing herself all over with baby wipes? No way could she remain in that house with that bad a claimed level of hygiene.

Back to the group date and Chris tells Jordan that he has to let her go, he says its because it would not be fair to the other girls, but methinks it is because he knows it would make his life hell to deal with the other girls. Whitney she of the airy cartoon character voice (who was kind to Jordan) gets the rose. Ashley I begins to cry and reacts angrily to Whitney getting the rose, she confesses in her interview that she did not previously consider Whitney a threat. Ashley is pouring her heart out to Mckenzie who smartly points out that Ashley seems to hate Whitney for no good reason: "I've never seen anything bad about Whitney. I just think that you don't like her."

Chris decides to surprise Britt by waking her up in the morning early for their date which lets us find out that Britt wears FULL MAKEUP to bed...- kisses TWO. 
Carly who just had the last one on one and kisses from Chris gets to hear Britt and Chris making out.

Chris apparently cannot tell that Britt is wearing make up to bed since he says "she looks just as beautiful in the morning as she does all dolled up for the Rose Ceremony".

Britt who claimed she cannot do anything with heights 
starts jumping for joy when she realizes that they are going to be going up in a hot air balloon...uhmm what? In the background a guy slides by being pulled along by a rope...I know most peeps will miss this but if you still have this show recorded - look for this moment.

Chris takes Britt to his hotel room, the other girls are all talking about her, Ashley claims that Britt told her that she loves being single and does not want kids...cut to Britt telling Chris that she wants to have a 100 kids. She gets the rose. She has a wide eyed expression and pretends to be amazed by everything Chris tells her. 
Britt "this date started in bed and then ended in bed" while we keep cutting back and forth to Carly crying about Chris and Britt and images of those 2 making out in bed, then Chris closes the door on the cameras.

 Britt comes back to tell the other girls about the date, and then decides to tell the other girls that she and Chris took a 2 hour nap, if you guessed that did not go over well, you understand this show.


The news from Britt prompts Kelsey to immediately go up to Chris' room, she says it is important that she share with him about her life, "before the rose ceremony tonight...there is the risk that I would be sent home without him knowing that I am a widow" Because that is crucial? Kelsey in her interview "I am just uh, (pauses for dramatic effect) isn't my story amazing? It's tragic, but its amazing. I love my story." Chris is hugging her after her sob-story and she wont let him go and is stroking his arms and the back of his head and then kiss THREE.

Kelsey is revealing to us that she is a secret producer on the show "I know this is a show about Chris, but this is my love story too, this is the unfolding of somebody that has been something so tragic, and you get to watch her pick up the pieces and grow into another person and into another relationship..." SHE IS AN EVIL GENIUS...the city of Austin may need to exhume the body of her previous husband and test it for all known poisons! (Not saying she did it...cannot say that, but I am saying that if I were married to her and pissed her off I would be nervous for the rest of my life to eat any meal she prepared).

No words. #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/pO9H6rkfWG
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 3, 2015

Cocktail party/Rose Ceremony time:
Kelsey is telling all the other girls at the party that she feels very calm, she is exuding cockiness, this leaves the other girls confused. Chris lets the cat out of the bag that he had a side conversation with Kelsey (the other girls look annoyed) but while he is giving his speech he starts to fight tears and needs to take a minute outside Chris is really looking S-A-W-F-T this season. Chris Prime earns his paycheck by walking out to check on Chris, patting him on the shoulder and asking "what happened in there?" I get the feeling that Chris Prime starts many of his conversations in real life with his go to phrase of "So tell me about [X]" - "So tell me about those oranges, are they filled with juice?"


Kelsey starts to fake cry in front of the other girls claiming that she is saddened by the situation that she is going to have to say good by to some girls...Evil genius! She pretends that she went and had her secret moment with Chris so that she would not have to steal time from the other girls at the cocktail party, we need her negotiating with North Korea. Chris Prime returns to tell the girls that Chris has already made up his mind (CP is probably getting paid OT for tonight this is a lot of work for him) and there will be no cocktail party tonight. Ashley I "now it is just a big comparison game" of sad stories...my good friend E hates her, but I stand by this sentiment 'Ashley I is good for this show'.

Kelsey tells the girls that she does not want to go to the rose ceremony, she is now nervous, none of the cockiness of earlier remains. She gets up from the group couch and walks off. We then hear wailing, and heavy moans and a paramedic/doctor questioning Kelsey who we find sprawled on the floor and she admits to the doctor "I think I am having a panic attack"

I love my former city of Austin but SHE IS A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR there? By the way she wrote the greatest obit of her hubbie...it is all about her!

Outtake time -- Megan "I never figured out why they call it New Mexico instead of old Mexico. I think there already is a Mexico..I think Mexico was first and then the United States came...now I just need to learn like a New Mexico song or a Mexican song" [She then does the stereotyped chant for Native Americans - Heaviest of sighs from my couch]


Ratchet scale an 8.5 if only because of the 'never showering' news and the 'panic attack'
MVP is of course Kelsey, she dominated this episode

An aside - Does this girl speak?

The Bachelorette finale or, I really just do not care anymore...get me to paradise

ABC does that joke move of starting the show with a live audience...if I cared what other people thought I would watch live and track twitter.

We return to the Dominican Republic (the DR) and I am now convinced ABC probably has a deal there. Nick gets to meet Andi’s family and comes bearing gifts for the Dad and the mom, I think the producers put him up to it. I still love that Andi’s dad’s name is Hy. Andi’s mom thinks Nick is a little reserved - she may be too polite to say boring. Nick thanks the family for Andi and talks with his hands alot.

Nick and the dad sit down together and Nick says “I have a connection with your daughter, but I don’t know what it is”...smooth. Nick asks Andi’s dad for permission to marry Andi, and gets permission - only a few possibilities here, Nick is a master close up hypnotist, the show edited a tonne of material out of their interaction or Andi’s dad is just tired of being on this show and thinks that saying yes will end his contract faster.  

Nick and Andi have an ugly kissing session, it is loud and it is funky looking. As I type this my friend B is humble bragging to me about how much sex he is getting, even from girls he is trying to break up with...my friend B is going to get punched in the face.

Josh is up next, Andi’s family laughs at her for travelling around the world and then finding a guy from her hometown. Josh comes in and is like Nick, bearing gifts for mom and dad. Andi’s mom calls him loud and boisterous...again are they editing this massively? Josh gets to talk to Andi’s sis and bro in law and I swear the bro in law winks at Josh.

Josh and Andi’s dad walk out to do their ‘talk’ they are both basically wearing the same outfit - they look like a before and after poster. He easily gives his blessing again.
These talks are way too soft, he grilled Juan Pablo so much harder...I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

One on One date time with Josh:

Andi says she wants to reminisce the first date...aka the producers said “we have a boat”.
Andi says they are going to cruise the Caribbean like they cruised the Mediterranean. If that boat goes even close to international waters I would be shocked. This date is BOOOOORRRIIIINNNNNGGG but in fairness, by this point in the show unless they start fighting, it is going to be hard to interject fun into these dates, I am just sticking it out because I watched all the other bloody episodes, and I hate myself.

The evening portion:

More boring convo, Andi has Andi face where she looks like she is thinking about anything but what the person before her is talking about. 

Josh gives her a gift, it is a baseball card of her, what is smart about this is that Andi loves talking about herself (no judgment here, I am the same), so the card is something she is guaranteed to love.

Josh wrote a letter to Andi about the card and then reads the whole letter...so what was the point of the letter? On the card he lists Andi with his last name Andi Murray, smooth move, she rolls the name around on her tongue and seems to like it.

Nick is up next, I miss the preamble because I am too busy looking up AYCE lobster buffets… it is amazing how much other things I get done while this show is on. I know some of my friends wonder why I watch this show - I watch because my productivity skyrockets.

Andi and Nick talk to each other about asking her dad’s permission for marriage, apparently he is a pushover, really makes me wonder about the Juan Pablo interaction.

Evening Portion:

Nick is very creepy when he looks directly into the camera. Nick gives a very terrible toast and Andi says “I love when you ramble”, it’s cute to you now but think about that 4 years into marriage!!! 

What kind of prosecutor would love living with a man who rambles on about nothing? While Nick tries to form words I check out http://www.texassports.com/index.aspx?path=football& we have a new coach and we keep kicking players off the team, I have a tonne of hope for the future but the start might be rough.

Sorry back to the show, Nick gives Andi a gift of some sand from the beach where he first told her he loves her encased into a necklace. My usual response of, "I guess, it’s sweet."

We get a voice over from Andi while the show reveals both guys shirtless (and the ladies in the audience which the show made sure to pipe in, ooh and ah).

Neil Lane does his usual seasonal appearance, 
they do the pretense of making it seem that there is a wide selection of rings, I wonder what happens if both guys pick the same ring? 

Just as Josh is picking a ring, there is a knock on Nick’s door and instead of Neil Lane...Andi appears dun dun duhhhhhh.

My friend and I start arguing about Texas’ first opponent of the year, he thinks that the schedule is too soft to get to a national title game, I remind him that FSU played Nevada and Bethune-Cookman in their first 3 weeks - it is not how you start... While this is going on Chris is interviewing Bachelor Alum I glaze over.

Back to the show, Andi uses Nick’s words against him, he told her that when he got engaged he woke up the next morning feeling like something was not right, she tells him she woke up with the same feeling. That feeling is boredom. Even in his fight for her love Nick is boring, he asks “is this about us, or is it about somebody else”.

HERE IS A HINT FELLAH...this is a competition, if it is not you, it is the other guy...

I am now comparing torpedo shrimp recipes against panko shrimp recipes. Nick finally gets my attention by saying to Andi “sometimes I think you took it too far”. Oooh scandal? Nope it is just the stuff she said to him. 
Nature works perfectly for the producers (it is a tropical isle) and rain comes pouring down. 

Nick takes a rose or fragments of roses (from past episodes) out of his bag and tosses it into the rubbish. 
He has to pack a bag and enter the goodbye SUV he finally breaks down/pretends to cry? acknowledges that Andi might like Josh more.

They cut to the live audience and a woman there clearly wants to cry. Apparently Andi has refused to meet with Nick since she said adios in the DR.

Time for Andi and Josh to meet on the ‘deck of love’ Josh has a rehearsed speech that he is speeding through, at points he closes his eyes and it is clear that he is just trying to remember his lines. While they prattle I try to find the Longhorn Network on my Cable. Andi tells Josh that she has loved him from the moment she laid eyes on him...try to remember that Nick got the first impression Rose. Josh falls to his knees, positions the box so that we can read Neil Lane and proposes.
Andi immediately says yes but spends alot of the post ‘yes’ time staring at the ring.

Time for the after show...I am already committed so why stop now?

We catch up with Nick 
and his mom, 
the gist is Nick is heartbroken. Nick flies to LA (he makes it seem as if he paid for it) to see Andi, she refuses to see him, but he asks Chris Harrison to give her a letter
which he of course does and encourages Andi to read it. 
I want to mock him, but eh if you are in love I guess it is the least you could do to try to get the woman.

Nick comes on stage looking sharp in a suit, but still very dull in attitude (sorry could not resist). Andi has to face him and comes out in a white lace number...uhmm are we supposed to think the wedding is going to happen live on camera? Nick keeps mentioning the letter and not saying anything, it is a very passive display for a man who claims to be heartbroken but wants the girl back. Chris has to probe him. Andi says that she was never in love with him. Nick says “if you were not in love with me I am not sure why (pause) you made love with me”. 

Andi says “that is below the belt...something that should be kept private” I agree with her, but I still love that he said it.
Man I hope Josh is hearing this. This THIS is why I doubt I could take this show seriously if I was on it, while many of us know that the person we marry is not a virgin, we tend to not to have to see reminders of it.

Andi gets defensive, I wonder if she is thinking ‘damn I have to explain this to my dad and my ‘future’ husband’. They run a preview of Bachelor in Paradise, just the preview looks better than this entire season of the Bachelorette.

Josh comes out and they do the lovey dovey young couple thing, they have been sneaking around since the show wrapped its taping wearing wigs and disguises to see each other. 

Andi again says that she is not pregnant and Josh says “I am trying”. 

The show brings out Grumpy Cat (like Andi I cannot understand how this is a thing) to mock Andi’s constant frown (now that is a thing).

We were not told who the new Bachelor is.

I hate myself

Bachelor Finale recap or I wont marry you, but I want to keep having sex with you or "I've got a diamond ring in my pocket, but you're not getting it."

I just want my blog to be a Panda in a Blog world full of Brown bears! Read on and 'enjoy' the finale recap.


"I've got a diamond ring in my pocket, but you're not getting it."

Good grief it is 3 hours tonight, and we cut to Chris Harrison with a live studio audience and some ‘Bachelor stars’ aka peeps who are caught in the reality show web and need those cheques. I roped the roomie into watching this tripe with me.

We go back to St. Lucia and JP’s family are all there with him. He and his daughter correspond in Spanish and I think “JP you already have a problem with English and your daughter clearly already speaks Spanish, maybe you guys should practice English together, so that you do not go around calling your friends ‘Perverts’, [accidentally]”. Clare is first to meet the family.

Clare says watching JP with his daughter makes him sexy, roomie unbidden utters “so fake” I agree. JP’s family starts mild grilling, Clare seems prepared (or maybe she has seen any episode of this show ever). Clare is apparently the only one in her family that does not speak Spanish, and watching her interact with JP’s family I think she wishes she had learned Spanish.

Roomie and I keep laughing at the audience reaction shots everytime there is a live look in. JP’s mom calls him rude and hurtful, Clare covers it up as honesty – methinks the girl is trying to convince herself. JP’s cousin when talking to him about Clare “Dude, she is ready, I am not saying she is begging for it, but she is ready”.

Here is something I do not understand (okay I understand it but the rap historian in me loves that phrase) everyone in JP’s family seems to be great at English EXCEPT JP even the family from Venezuela has a better command of the language than he does which brings me back to a theory I had when he was a contestant on the Bachelorette, I think he plays up the accent and his limited English because it gives him a better narrative.

Back to the LA audience, I let it run and regret it.

Nikki’s turn – His cousin seems a bit too excited to see Nikki. The sun is beating these poor girls up. Nikki has a terrible tattoo. JP’s dad tells Nikki that JP is not an easy guy 'a know it all'. JP’s mom asks Nikki how she would manage a weekend with JP since that is when he has Camila (his daughter) kind of blows up the whole “I am with my daughter 24/7” veneer that the show started with. JP’s mom asks a tough question of Nikki, how would she handle conflict – her answer is ridiculous “I think we would fight well”. As Nikki drives away JP asks if he can keep both girls – not an unreasonable request in my world.

36 minutes and 10 seconds in I see the worst tan I have seen since the Jersey Shore was a thing. I immediately had to text it to E and R. Chris Harrison sits down infront of 2 empty chairs (which just looks weird) and starts to tell us what is coming up so I skip forward if he said anything important – I missed it.

Clare and JP go on a helicopter date and JP creepily tells us that Clare’s kisses is “Ay, yai yai” Then we get Clare telling us that JP whispered something to her while the cameras were off and the audio was down in the helicopter…something sexual something that she said means that he does not know her well and hints that she might leave if there is only a physical attraction. JP just gets creepier and creepier…but remember he is not gay so not a pervert (his words). Clare “I came here for love, I didn’t come here for just a hook up”.

JP walks into Clares hotel and asks her for a “besito” (a kiss) and she stops him.

Clare starts to grill JP about what he said to her in the helicopter and he pretends to not remember. Clare expresses concern and he says “So that is why you did not give me a kiss?” he is so focused on the kissing, the man’s laser focus is amazing. The reaction shots of Deseree in the audience are amazing she has the “I dodged a bullet” look. JP tricks Clare into believing him, that is all I can say because the stupidity of this moment caused me to zone out a bit. JP pulls his move of putting on that terrible song that they danced to on their first date (honesty time, maybe the song is not terrible but I cannot judge fairly anything I hear on this show).

(Apparently what he said to her in the Heliocopter goes like this, she asked him to tell her he loves her and he replied with "I love f---ing you") https://v.cdn.vine.co/r/videos/0028814F041055007781868482560_1bc8eb65c19.4.8.7052514956889982238.mp4?versionId=Cpyw4OG1WqhBZJ_Hw.V8yLhn_7PmU5Iz

Why does the audience clap everytime they cut back to them?

Time for Nikki’s date:

And she and the girls come out to play. JP initially plays it safe and goes with safe topics then asks Nikki if she has any concerns I spill icecream on my chest laughing at how vacant and guarded her response is. Nikki asks JP what his plans are for after the show and he gives her a response about watching TV alone…

On their night time date Nikki really really wants to hear JP tell her that he loves her. You have probably guessed by now that he does not, but you may not realize he wears an anklet. Nikki gives JP a gift via a card with too many words it ends with “I love you” JP says “Thank you” and kisses her on the forehead, Nikki has ‘a sad’. The audience reactions are great, so many scowls, so many sad faces and my roomie and I are howling with laughter…I really have to try to get tix to that live audience someday; I want to soak up that atmosphere. JP leaves Nikki with a kiss and the wrapping paper on her bed and she dissolves into tears.

We get the obligatory shot of the Neil Lane box with the huge diamond ring, BUT we do not get the usual silly back and forth of Neil Lane and the Bachelor…foreshadowing. Turns out the Neil Lane scene was cut http://insidetv.ew.com/2014/03/10/bachelor-juan-pablo-neil-lane/
Time for the final Rose ceremony and Clare arrives first, guess she was fully convinced by JP’s inane answers. Clare says “I know my dad would be proud” no girl, not if your dad watched this season. Clare tells JP that she is nervous and of course he says “It’s okay”. JP reminds us that Clare got out of the limo faking a pregnancy. JP says “I wish the earth sucked me today because this is the hardest decision I make.” Clare gets the I am prepared for the worst face and JP tells her he is sending her home, he goes in for a hug and she blocks him –
we get to hear the live audience applauding (something we have never heard before – which kind of goes with the thinking that E, I and a tonne of other people have had that the producers have given up on JP and do not care if he comes across badly anymore). Clare tells JP that after what he made her go through, she would “never want my kids to have a father like you.”

“Whoo, I am glad I didn’t pick her” so says JP and the audience goes “ohhhh”.

Nikki arrives – we see JP holding a rose and staring down at it. Nikki in her voice over says “he is going to be down on his knee looking up at me…I think today will be one of the best days of my life” poor deluded girl. Nikki tells JP that she loves him, and he says “I love so many things about you”. JP brings up Nikki’s dad telling him that he has to be a 100% sure and then says “I have a ring here in my pocket…but I am not a 100% sure that I want to propose to you, but I am a 100% sure that I want to be with you”.

Smooth G, way to get the girl, put the blame on her dad but still not have to propose to her…

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE

Clare comes out first to much applause, roomie is still sticking this out I think he has been trapped. Clare reiterates that she gave JP an out and he never took it, he led her on. Clare will not tell us exactly what JP said to her but we know it was something sexual, the roomie and I just keep making up grosser and grosser encounters for her. Clare says she trusted the process, code for 'I was a moron for 2 months'. Chris asks Clare what kind of man JP was which dovetails nicely with my theory that the show is no longer protecting him. Clare is given the choice as to whether she wants to talk to JP or not, Sharleen looks bored at how long Clare is taking to say yes or no; she claims that telling him off in St. Lucia was closure enough for her. This seems fake, they have never before given the ‘rejected lady’ a choice, this has to have been something she asked the producers to do for her in advance.

JP comes out and the audience is not happy. Chris Harrison is not his usual coddling self. JP again tries that move of saying that he is private and will not talk about private things…cause you know you were not on a reality show with cameras watching you.

Nikki comes out and admits to still not knowing if JP loves her, they are still together. All the other girls look sorry for her. JP and Nikki are together on the couch and maybe it is my imagination but they do not look that comfortable together, she seems to dote on him but he seems cool towards her: In my head I hear George Michael “I will be your father figure.” JP keeps saying that Chris Harrison interrupted him and the crowd does not like that, the crowd loves Chris and clearly do not want JP to insult him. Chris clearly goes after JP and tells him that “he does not know what he is looking at”, JP repeats it as a question “You do not know what you are looking at?”. Jp says "Look at me" so often that I think of the Captain Philips trailer "Look at me, Look at me I'm the captain now"

 Nikki says things that would make sense in the real world, things like; people do not normally fall in love like this, others who have gone on that stage were probably lying about being in love. But, the flaw here is Nikki herself had said she wants JP to tell her that he loves her…soooo why are you still there then?

Chris reading my mind asks Nikki how long she will give JP – This has become the pile on JP show. JP keeps hinting to private issues but then refusing to explain them and of course repeats alot that he is a 100% honest.

The new Bachelorette is introduced and it is who we all knew it would be – Andi aka the girl who is supposed to be in the middle of a murder trial in Chicago but hey, important things must be done. We get B roll footage of Andi as the Assistant District attorney. Andi comes out to a standing O from the crowd.

 

When Nikki watches this season if she ever does she can enjoy these moments of her kissing JP



Her hair looks different here:

and here

Guess she decided to darken it here

and then went even darker here

She looks like a completely different person here

And thanks to Todd Boudreaux    there is a supercut of all the crying on the Bachelor
 

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