Bachelor Peter Episode 1 or How Hannah B took over my show

If you have a fear of flying puns, this is not the episode for you.

 

This show wants me to handle three hours of it? Thank God for DVR.

 

Alexa is up first and she is an esthetician so the show makes sure to show her waxing and talking about waxing a vagina.

Next a model, then Tammy who fought her way on to the boys' wrestling team in highschool.

One girl (Kelley) from a family of lawyers has already met Peter.

For many of these girls the hook is that Peter would allow them to travel…

 

As the limo pulls up someone asks the default stupid question "Is this real life?"

 

A few of the girls struggle with the word 'literally' for instance "He looks like a doll, Peter is literally a doll!"

 

"But because I am a flight attendant, I have something different"…followed by a dozen more flight attendants…" I am here for the 'flight' reasons." Hate that I chuckled at that.

 

Peter looks a little embarrassed at all the forced puns he has to make.

Of course there are a tonne of gimmicks including a girl coming in on a mini airplane tricycle who thinks she has won the gimmick battle, only for a girl to be wheeled in in a suitcase!

 

A tonne of people bring up "4 times" the alleged amount of times he and Hannah had sex in the windmill.

 

"…you have to know about me, I have a very dry sense of humor, but that's about the on…(cracks) that's the only…(cracks) thing dry about me."

 

An emotional support cow is brought in by Ashley P. Which some girls call a pony!

 

Kelley sees it as a sign from God that she met Peter in a hotel lobby the month before.

 

Hannah (former bachelorette) exits a limo to screams. She and Peter have a super awkward exchange as the other ladies panic that Hannah is returning, she is only there to return the wings that Peter gave her the first night they met.

 

Hannah Ann gets the first kiss and many of the other girls get to see it!

Peter gets handcuffed and it leads to a make out!

 

Natasha "There are some cats and some rats" said after Mykenna threw a paper plane to break up Natasha and Peter's time. Of course Natasha considers herself "a cat" and thus she goes off to get one of the massive prop paper planes to present to Natasha and Peter then says  it is just for Mykenna to "fly away on it." As Peter and Mykenna make out Natasha stands in the background yelling "tick tock."

 

Hannah Ann becomes the girl who constantly interrupts the time other girls are having with Peter, this flummoxes Shiann who takes Hannah aside and then seems tongue tied by Hannah's boldness.

But, Hannah Ann's boldness gets her the first impression rose (her being a model didn't hurt).

 

Not getting the first impression rose leads Mykenna to tears.

 

The first rose ceremony has a tonne of tears, side eyes and names I cannot remember. Many of the post rose ceremony tears are in bright sunshine, showing how long they taped throughout the night.

 

The first group date is of course centered around flying, the girls are being put through "flight school" and apparently athleisure wear is needed for this.

There is a gimmicky obstacle course that Kelley wins by cheating and of course the show lets it stand…front runner status right there. Kelley pretends that she didn't mean to cheat on the course but come on it is an obvious cheating attempt and she gets to ride with Peter for a sunset plane ride (sigh Lawyers!)

 

Once Kelley returns from her date the girls call her out for cheating at the obstacle course, Kelley smartly does NOT apologize. Kelley in a confessional says it is good that the girls do not know that they are at the hotel that she and Peter met in a month ago.

 

Madison gets the one on one with Peter and he takes her to his parents vow renewal, this feels like a smooth way to get the Bachelor to pay for your parents' special event. Of course Madison catches the bouquet.

 

Tenille Arts is this week's "I think I know that name" performing artist (but in my case I think I just know the name because a wrestler has that name) proving my guess of the show paying for the vow renewal, Peter's family gets to dance along to the 'performance.'

 

The second group date has the ladies meeting Peter in Hollywood. Peter says his date is being planned by a very good friend and of course it is Hannah Brown, the ladies are not pleased to see her. Hannah is on stage and there is a windmill behind her as Hannah tells a story of "this guy" she used to date and of course it is the windmill story. The girls are concerned that Hannah has not moved on from Peter.

 

The girls are right to be concerned because, Hannah is crying over Peter and he goes to comfort her. Peter "what would you say if I asked you to come be a part of the house?" Hannah sounds like she wants to get back in the house, and Peter wants her to be back in the house…Hannah let's slip that she thought during her season that Peter wanted to be the Bachelor.