This week's personal story:
My god-daughter did some work for me to get some work experience and I paid her just a little shy of Cali-summer associate rates which will be amazing for a teenager in Florida because she is getting a cheque she is not expecting. I do NOT believe in minimum wage and I for sure do NOT believe in free labor! Please pay your interns; paying someone in 'work experience' is junk! Pay people because you benefitted even if you think they benefitted more. All credit to her she did the work thinking it was going to be unpaid and she still did a good job. I glitter bombed her in the envelope that the cheque is arriving in because…I was too good a boss, I gotta do something bad to her.
My Bach fantasy league has drafted, I am currently in a big lead but we all know night one is only an indicator of the season it is not a lock.
You guys know I love to live spoiler free but we can thank E and A-I who did the Episode 1 watch along with me for causing me to see "coming up this season" so I picked my guys based on what little I could discern from that coupled with the douchiness of their bios and how they acted in episode 1, I have a guy on my team that I am pretty sure I would want to punch in the face in real life but this is 'reality' so I just want to win.
My lineup is Greg, John, Justin and Michael (I share partly to help myself remember).
Karl is clearly a goofy dude and does not seem to be making friends with his forced attempts to be funny and allegedly calling the attempt to win Katie "a game."
A group date card arrives and I am not going to pretend like I am paying attention to all the names called.
Group Date:
The group walks into a dark room and it is filled with sexual objects and the virgin gym owner starts blushing.
Heather McDonald is here to help Katie (and she has been there from night one).
"What is a woman's largest sex organ?" The answer was the Brain.
"How many erogenous zones does the female body have?" And showing that this show does not care about women, it does not give the answer…I am pretty sure it is 14 but I may not be right and the show does not confirm it.
This whole date seems designed for us to laugh at the virgin, but I cannot do that, just like we should celebrate Katie's sex positivity I am not going to look at someone's choice as a thing to make TV fodder.
Connor the math teacher who wants to be a musician so badly sings a song and like all of us who play the piano makes a joke about fingers…
The guys all have to make attempts to woo Katie with what is basically stand up material.
Tre does a puppet routine where the safe word is "peaches" and well apparently everyone needed to scream it.
Karl does a routine that goes off the rails and he gets clapped off the stage.
The Virgin for his routine brings Katie up to the bed on stage and reads an essay "to my future wife" and it gets Katie crying. He drops in clues that he would wait 31 years for her to have sex with Katie. I can stop calling him the Virgin because he wins and they call him Mike since I was too lazy to rewind or check prior notes to refresh on his name. I am not sure Katie caught the hints and realizes he is a virgin I think she was in joy that he was so 'earnest' and may not have realized what that earnestness meant.
Currently doing some ice cream math, I have already had 3 scoops but there is only one scoop remaining in the tub I took them from, it seems wasteful to take up freezer space leaving that almost empty tub in the fridge…the other 4 tubs need room to breathe.
Evening Date:
"I do miss Connor the cat…but now you are Connor the musician" he loved that. Katie tells Connor that he was "truthfully the first guy I remembered" HE WORE A CAT COSTUME OF COURSE YOU REMEMBER HIM. Connor gets her to redo their first kiss and it is just as aggressive as the first.
Makes me think of peeps hiding in the library stacks in high school (Katie is like a child to me).
There is a knock on the hotel room and Greg gets the first one on one date…the guys are shocked since he already got the first impression rose – "Anyone feel that time in money and the rich just got richer."
Back to the date and Karl is expressing confidence that the date rose is his. His ITMs have him gassing himself up telling us he negotiates deals, now in fairness when he is actually 1 on 1 with Katie and not trying to perform for the other guys he is much smoother than he appeared to be at first but it is used car salesman smooth "I can't get into my last relationship because I want to get into my next relationship" the bar is so low I was just glad he did not call his ex crazy.
Katie tells a guy (that I might learn his name) that she cannot understand why she has been thinking about him so much all day, it could be because he is tall and good looking, since as she admits she does not know much about him. Shame on me, it was Thomas a San Diego man, he gets the group date rose.
Date 2:
Katie pulls up in a red pickup to get Greg and…they are wearing matching outfits – Not sure yet whose outfit is the bad decision because of that, though I am leaning towards Katie's because Greg's is not the greatest for him but hers does nothing for her.
Katie asks Greg if he is a fan of the outdoors his answer of "yes" is not convincing. Katie tests Greg by having him set up a tent, look I have gone camping more than a few times and I am not sure I can just set up a random tent quickly without instructions. Also not afraid to say I went to a cabin in the mountains last weekend 'to rough it' and it was a spot fancier than my actual apartment, I work too damn hard to play at being homeless.
Katie and Greg pretend to be roughing it, as she has him carve out a bucket and dig a hole for the toilet but it is hard to get into this when they are surrounded by cameras and we all know the conceit of this show, there are no overnights this early so there is no chance that they will be staying overnight in 'the wilderness' so all activities here are just playacting.
Going camping is an activity that Katie used to do with her dad who passed in 2012 so she is getting emotional; of course the show plays on the chance of someone/anyone crying.
Back to the 'house' and a date card arrives, Michael is not listed on the group date and he is getting emotional, he is voicing that he is missing his son…bro I need you to cry, but I also need you to hang in there for a little bit but if you have to go home self-eliminate.
Back to the date and Greg shares that he also lost his dad, which leads to crying and of course a bonding experience. I am such a savage I am calculating points and hoping that Katie crying in her ITM counts for my show points since crying is a bonus. During the make out session we get fireworks that makes me think I was right in thinking Greg is a front runner.
Next day:
Kaitlyn and Tayshia are wearing western gear and carrying pots; they sneak into the guys' rooms to bang the pots and wake them up.
The date is "Katie's big buckle Brawl" so once again the physical contest is going to risk injury…The guys will have to mud wrestle for Katie. This franchise loves having their contestants fight then having the lead act shocked when someone gets injured.
The guys are dressed as cowboys but then must strip their shirts off to wrestle in the mud…mmhmm.
John the San Diego Bartender gets his ass kicked so badly his opponent manages to keep his hat on the whole fight.
Then because the show loves stirring the pot, Aaron and Cody are the final fight…the guys who already have tension from their time in San Diego. Everyone can tell there is "something going on between them…it was intense it felt personal" said by Katie as she cringes. The winner of the Cody v Aaron duel is of course…AARON and he ends up winning the 'Golden Cowboy Belt.' The losing guys have to ride a wagon back home while Aaron gets alone time with Katie. My word doc keeps wanting to put my full name in as I type Aaron each time.
Katie asks Aaron about the tension and seems really childlike when she does it, I find it sometimes incongruous the childlike look on Katie as she tries to speak about adult material. Aaron claims Cody is "malicious" and "Unkind" and is on the show to become famous.
Evening Portion:
Cody is the first person pulled by Katie, she asks Cody about what Aaron said to her and Cody stammers trying to defend himself. Cody asks Aaron to talk and is much more vociferous with him than he was with Katie. Katie pulls Cody aside for a second time and lets him know "unfortunately I think it is best for you to go home tonight." Cody puts up zero fight, this mid episode booting would have been big points but no one in my league drafted him. Katie then tells the guys she needs time and walks away.
When she returns Katie and Andrew S bond over the fact that they both grew up with struggles, this earns him the group date rose.
Cocktail party:
And Katie is taking a shot at my childlike assessment with a grown up dress, I suspect as the season goes on I will start to think of her as a grown adult (I really hope so because I have a slight uncomfortableness watching her now).
Michael is the first to be alone with Katie and she reassures him of his place (or should I say reassures us?) Michael requests a kiss and again it is another aggressive kiss that ends in giggling – this is part of why I think I still cannot see her as quite grown.
Karl is back with the group wondering out loud if other guys are not "here for the right reasons" which makes the group uncomfortable. Karl then goes to Katie and goes "looking around I am not sure if everyone is being 100% transparent" when Katie asks him for specifics "you have already been through a lot I don't want you to stress about it." Katie tells Karl that she wants to know definitive answers because "time is short" but Karl tells her to just trust him "I have your best interest at heart" I fully believe dudes are just there to have a good time and be on TV BUT I do not believe Karl knows who they currently are, he is just talking out of his ass to try to get in with Katie – I know we are all supposed to be all in for the lead but come on it is a group of 20 something aged guys who grew up with influencer culture, some will just come on hoping they do fall in love but are unconcerned if they do not.
Katie is suspicious of Karl and she goes to talk to the group "I made my intentions very clear about why I am here…and tonight a bomb was dropped on me about multiple &$%%ing people being here for the wrong reasons." Katie then asks Aaron to come and talk to her, while they go off the guys are all trying to find out who might have told Katie something to trigger her. Karl then pseudo confesses that he is the one who caused Katie's reaction but claims that he did it because Katie asked if people were not on the show for the right reasons…that is not the conversation we heard. Aaron tells Katie that he does not know about anyone in the house not being there for the right reason.
Aaron is as Aarons do…a talker and someone who rises to anger.
Karl is not in a good place with the rest of the guys, he keeps telling the person who is not there for the right reasons to come forward, but that seems like a silly request.
Caught the preview of celebrity dating game "With Bachelorette Hannah Brown" guess the process does not work…
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