My final (hopefully) Flavor of Love review! Plus some muppets!

It begins with our hero saying, "This is the final season finale of Flavor of Love" hmm, maybe until Flav needs money? Then again he has a sitcom now...

Ok this is going to be a horrible mixing of classic shows. Everytime I watch and see Thing 2 (and it was the same for when NY was on the show) all I can sing is "Dance your cares away, Worry's for another day. Let the music play, Down at Fraggle Rock. Down at Fraggle Rock" look I know she looks like a muppet, but for some reason those shows are always linked together in my mind - probably because of the Jim Henson ties.

I know you might not believe me when I say she looks like a muppet so your man has come with proof (oh no, I am definitely starting to talk like Flav, I need to crack open a book of Shakespeare). Ok click on this link for a picture of a muppet Now click on this one for a picture of Thing 2. To be honest I was tempted to link both to the muppet, but then they are practically the same thing anyway.

I love the fact that Flav made Black and Sinceer argue it out for a spot to stay...nothing like a fun intelligent cat fight...hahahah (I wrote those words and I am being sarcastic but even as a joke they still look horrible).

Flav takes Black on a helicopter ride, and then INHALES her whole mouth...seriously, what the hell! How could he be this old, and hav kissed this many women and not know that there is no need to swallow her face...or maybe he has the right technique?

Hahah, Flav fell asleep while they are on their date. The young lady is shocked. I cannot understand why she is shocked? Flav is as old as her dad, and it is the afternoon, old people like to SLEEP in the afternoon.

Flav: You banging, but most of all, you banging on the inside...
Black: That meant alot to me cause I know I have a lot to offer, other than my looks?

Yup, you are right, you have the ability to be easily impressed to offer, the ability to not question the fact that you are dating a man that looks like a 5 foot 6 cockroach, a man who just fell asleep on your date.

I feel bad for her right now (and that is hard for me), Flav just demanded that she tell a joke and she drew a blank. Here is the thing, I am a naturally funny guy (and modest too) but everytime someone demands that I tell them a joke I draw a blank. I think I give them a better look than the deer in the headlights look that Black had, but I still draw a blank.

"I am going to end this date with a night cap in my room, will you join me?" I think by now the words are like a legal statement required by VH1 so no one claims any coercion later, but never have I even for a moment expected one of these 'ladies' to say no, that kind of saddens me, it has destroyed my illusion of their chastity. I need a moment, Black is about to be deflowered in the tower (ignore the fact that she already has a 6 year old kid).

Jelaine said that Flav looks like a pimp...and you cannot disagree with that, granted my claiming that he has a 'stable of hos' was a mere confirmation. I know I did not have to put that whole line in, but this is my SHOUT OUT to Jelaine!

Shout out to Kami too, she was one of the first to agree with me re the muppet, as well as be my constant back and forth analyzer re shows. (Sorry Erin no shout out to you tonight, this is not an Idol blog)

Back to the show, Flav and Thing 2 are taking a tour, of Paris, and at one point they pass the police station and VH1 cuts to old footage of flav being taken out of a police station in handcuffs. I bet you do not get this on 'The Bachelor', I can only guess, I have never watched that show, must be too classy for me. Did they just show Flav littering as he exited the tour bus? Yup rewound it, they did, come on dude, you are being taped, have some class. You know, like having sex in the dark with the cameras still in the room.

Hahahah The Door man said "Prince, I love your music, Purple Rain is my favorite album" maybe we all do look alike? Maybe he is just a moron? Maybe Vh1 just put fake words on the screen? Nah, could they really take that chance with so many French speakers in the world? I spoke the barest minimum of french in high school, I guess I could go back on the tape a couple or 20 times and figure out what he said, but I am too lazy for that.

Wow Thing 2, he gives you a watch, and you ask this question: "this is for me, like I can take it and put it on my wrist and it is mine for ever?" Does this chick not get the concept of gifts, or does she not get the concept of a watch? I mean she did ask if it should be put on her wrist!

Are we sure this is Thing 2? How do we know Thing 1 did not lose weight and show up? I mean, when Flav asked her what does she like to do, her response was "I like to eat." I'm not saying, I'm just saying!

OH WOW, Thing 2 just told him "No" re his night-cap! Hell even Flav just said it "No girl has ever said no to a night cap in the history of Flavor of Love" A lesser man than me would go back and remove a few paragraphs in this blog, but I standby them...then again, I am still blogging who knows I might remove my declaration of always knowing what the girls would say to the night-cap offers. After all, who could factor in the reason she gave for not doing the night-cap. Not because it is wrong, not because she wants to wait for the right time, but because she got eliminated once and does not want to fall for him again...uhmm did u not come back to the damn show?

Flav is wearing a crown and all I can think of is "Dunce Cap"

"I hope that my man Flav is smart enough to choose someone with a big heart, instead of bigger boobs" This girl should write for the President.

Oh they are making their last speeches, I am getting choked up right now, ok not really, in fact watching these girls try to give sincere (whew nearly spelled it like the girl's name) speeches is as painful as watching Barbara Walters try to talk about sex.

Quick aside: Barbara Walters is a freak, you know it, I know it, and a certain Black Senator who thought he had her keeping things on the creep knows that we all know it now.

Look anytime a man wears a clock, he is going to look ridiculous but this clock tonight is extra special (like short-bus special)

And of course the gold fronts were presented as a gift. Nothing says love like periodontitis.

Damn I just wrote the title of the blog and now see that the reunion special is coming up next week...

I wonder how Thing 1 is going to handle all of this!

Flavor of love recap...for the virgin in you!

Flavor Flav "She said her one on one time with me was like losing her virginity all over again" The first thing that flashed into my mind was "Yeah, painful"

Amazing how easily these girls turn to alcohol, in every show at some pt, when someone is nervous or worried a bottle of alcohol immediately gets drained. This week they had to go on Big Boy's show; now from my little time spent in LA, I remember that Big Boy's show was in the MORNING... Yet while waiting in the lobby one of the girls drains a bottle of Champagne!

Even the show hosts made mention of the fact that she was stinking of booze, at 7.30 in the morning.

Watching one of the girls using a Curling iron on another girl's hair I could not help but thinking 'this cannot be safe, she might snap and attack.'

Hmm one of the girls said she talks to her Grandma 4 times a day, but when Flav asked if she had spoken to her, her response was "Not since on the show" then said there was some family issues...hmm I wonder if it could be "I will never talk to you if you go on that show" I know that would be the issue my family would probably have...of course I am just speculating on the girl's issues (but hey, it is that kind of show)

With a monkey in his lap Flav said "I aint gonna lie but I used to look like him in the 4th grade" I swear the material just writes itself

So as one of the dates there was basically a menagerie in the back yard of the crib. I hate to say it, but damn that was a cool date.

(Oooh update) Turns out my guesses were correct, the chick's family hates that she is on the show! Out of empathy, I hate that she is on the show too. This show should only be for peeps whose families do not care about them or do not care how their family is portrayed. I do not fit in that category and you know what? THAT IS A GREAT THING!

Wow Flav can take a fly suit and ruin it! Let me just state, any and every suit is ruined the minute you attach a clock around your neck!

Flav is getting crazier, and crazier, which is hard to believe but the thing I like is that he still seems sincere (damn it thanks to Flav I nearly misspelled sincere and spelled it the Flavor way 'Sinceer').

UHmm Flav? Since when is France a city? "I am taking my girls to France, the city of love" Maybe we should have someone sit him down and explain to him the difference between Paris and the entire country of France.

Yeah boyeeee!

'That's Amore' recap via IM's with Erin

"I learned in America that Blondes and Brunettes, do not like each other" --Domenico


So I was Imming back and forth with my friend while watching this drivel so I will just use my comments to her as the blog...enjoy a little glimpse into my convos.

What scares me is that so many of these girls are college age and the majority are listed as students...so does that mean they go to college...?

"I am a natural blonde, and the carpet matches the curtains (if I had any)" -- I am sure your parents are proud of your honesty.

So they are now doing a pizza challenge, they have to wear a hat and make a pizza on top of their heads while balancing the pie and then riding a bicycle to some delivery point...I am not sure I am ever going to order pizza again.

I KNEW this would happen, one of the girls while using the cheese grater, basically shredded her hand...you mean no one in production realized that handing a bunch of chicks dumb enough to show up on a show like this, a utensil that can hurt them will GUARANTEE someone getting hurt. That is like going hunting with Cheney and being shocked if you take a few hits! "Oh Mr Vice President you shot me. How could this happen?"

Easily impressed girl: "Everything was leopard and black and it was really romantic" Really? That is really romantic...this girl must be a hit around pimps and 70s flashback junkies

"She showed me the bum, and what is weird is that I remember the bum more than the face"-- Wow, just wow, I would love to be in the room with this girl when she watches this again.

I am watching these girls prep hair using a can of hair spray and it feels like their fingers have not come off it for about 2 minutes...there is no way that the ozone can survive girls like this.

Of course lies are now being told, some girls attacked another girl with water balloons, then went around and told others that the attacked girl was the one trashing the place

(e-lite(PM): call me crazy, but i want my hair to feel soft to the touch should a guy decide to touch it
Calij (PM): hahah yeah, I have touched some girls hair in the bar and worried that I cut myself)- - - This was not exactly about the show but I thought it was pertinent.

Uh, so now they have been painted as statues and have to stand on pedestals and pose as human statues while balancing on one leg. The clock shows these girls lasting to the 40 minute mark (and one girl just passed out after getting off the pedestal). Is it objectifying women, if they voluntarily place themselves in stupid positions?

So now an ambulance has arrived, to take away the girl that passed out, so that is 24 hours and 2 ambulances, this is an awesome streak

Wow the girls lasted 50 minutes 17 seconds on one leg...that is amazing, I am not sure I can stand on 2 legs for 50 minutes in one spot.

"What's good about Christina is that she will probably wipe your butt, when you are old and cant move and you are crippled"-- Ashley 'The poet'

I talk ALOT (hell, I need a blog just to let some of it out) but damn, if you are on a reality show, on a date with the 'star' shouldn't you at some point think to yourself, "wow, he has not said a word to me, maybe I am talking too much and should let him get a chance to speak...?"

And let me end it with the words of the crazy blonde when she witnessed one of the girls being let go "Ciao bella, in American means 'Get the fu@k out'"

Word of the day...and assassin gets mad at me

It has been awhile since there was a word of the day blog so let us do a blog filled with them.
--Unnecessary. It was bloody unnecessary for that guy to work out wearing just boxer briefs, come on dude i know you are swoll and probably think you can do anything but come on man wearing briefs to work out?
--Amazement. Aaron stared at the machine in amazement when he lifted his own weight on the back machine, he then had the same look when he looked at the scale.
--OUTDATED. This one had to go in caps in fact it even uses another word of the day. Aaron stared in amazement at the guy walking in to the weight room with a jerry curl sorry let me state this again. A young man about my age walked into the weight room with the outdated hair style of a JERRY CURL. There is no excuse for that. Thankfully he used a towel. I have been joking for the last couple days that I am going to rock the flat top fade but come on man the jerry curl was played out even when it was supposed to be in style.
--Hmm. An expression Aaron had to utter when a young lady threw herself at him in the club.
--Disgust. The look Sand Assassin gave Aaron when he repeatedly said he would not take the young lady home!

Here's to the morning when Aaron realizes that yoga early in the morning after a night in the club is not the greatest way to recover!

"These M & Ms are defective, some of them are Ws"

Rather funny line I heard tonight.
So I just discovered 2 shows on E network "Snoop Dogg's Fatherhood" and Keeping up with the Kardashians" (Kw/K) both have led me further along the path of belief that America is going down the toilet and it is being flushed by 'reality' TV.

To be honest, I really enjoyed 'Fatherhood' especially the part with Snoop and David Beckham hanging out together. In the list of places I would not have expected David Beckham to end up Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles was probably in the top 10. Adding Snoop as his companion probably raises it to a top 3. Props to Bex for trying to help Snoop cover when his wife busted him having fried chicken when he was supposed to be having salad. I also loved the fact that Snoop was eating fried chicken at 4am, it reminded me of the times Delz and I used to hit up the Hollyhood Roscoe's after a good night of imbibing (amazing the lines at Roscoe's late at night).

By the way Snoop if you are going to fake "signed Beckham" Jerseys you might not want to have them signed in your handwriting with the price tags still on them.

Kw/K is simply an exercise in statitude, and whoredom, watch it to feel better about your own family structure. I guarantee it is a feel good moment. Your family cannot be as dysfunctional as this group. Bruce Jenner, what happened to you man?

Funny thing is I did not even know I had the E network, I saw an ad for Snoop's show while watching a football game and had my DVR search for it. Interesting channel E, I had forgotten how crazy this channel was/is, it is definitely a channel created for excess and secretly I think I like it.