Bachelorette recap or “Now it is literally do or die!” no bro that is not literally how you use literally.

OMCH returns from sending his kid off to college and pretends that he does not know what happened with Bennett and his return…except OMCH said “so that means Bennett is gone” it was too leading a statement for me to trust his feigned ignorance.

Blake gets his One on One:

And one of the guys says “I gotta think he is getting the rose or he is going home” yeah bro, that is generally how it works.

The Franchise might be stuck at La Quinta but they are not giving up their tropes and so Tayashia (“Tay”) and Blake go to a “Reiki and Crystal master” named Gita – as they walk up Blake is definitely in “what do we have here?” mode and that is not helped when Gita says “Seekers” Blake repeats it skeptically. Gita tells Blake to disrobe and you can tell that Blake is panicked thinking he is going to get naked again for another time this season.

Blake and Tay are told to crack a stone and keep a piece each so that they will always have a connection (foreshadowing). Tayshia is worried that she and Blake might not be as close as she wants “I don’t think that he is my guy” of course this is while Blake is now thinking that they are connected.

Blake takes his getting sent home with aplomb, while Tay breaks down on the side of the road, bawling and making the vein in her forehead stand out in stark relief. Blake’s removal makes me think Bennett’s presence had a lot to do with it.

While the guys are speculating whether Blake is coming in or someone will pick up his bag, Tay walks in.

Tay tells the guys that she just sent home Blake “this is really really hard I just don’t want to hurt anyone…[then]…Riley can we talk.” That freaks out everyone.

Tay tells Riley that she knows how much family means to him but she does not want to put him in a vulnerable position when she does not think her heart will match his (does not want to hurt anyone)…Riley bro, do not take it personally, look at all of Tay’s past significant others, you were not going to be her final choice! Ivan can fulfill the quota, I say this with zero compunction, she has a type and WE are not it.

Riley’s response feels like a man who knows the franchise needs more black Bachelors and is submitting his audition tape.

ROSE CEREMONY:
Brendan tells us “there are 4 of us remaining for three roses” nuh uh homie…Dramatic music “I am extremely nervous as to what the future could hold” and in walks Bennett. As Bennett puts his hand collegially on Zac, Zac says “WHY ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR HAND ON ME?” With a massive scowl .

“She invited me so I think we have gotta, like we have always done, trust her decisions” that is rich from the man who ignored her decision and came back.

OMCH comes in to tell the guys no cocktail party so straight to the Rose Ceremony

Zac gets the first Rose

Ivan the second

OMCH comes in to tell us it is the final rose (we went a week without this deep knowledge) Brendan gets the final rose. 

And the 2 on 1 date finally gets the conclusion that many wanted…both Bennett and Noah are going home.

MEN (Minus Eazy) TELL ALL:

Did they bring the guys back for this, or did they make them stay in quarantine? As someone who just did a covid test I am not sure I would want to go through multiples for this moment.

Most of the guys dressed up for the occasion, Kenny wore his formal sweatshirt. 

Ed is partway through his glow up. This is a bit gauche, the show lets Ed go off about Chasen but Chasen is not there to defend himself, “He is the three ‘Fs’ a fraud, fake and Phony and Phony has a PH but he is too dumb to know that”

Tonight I realized that Demar and Noah are the same age, Bennett is correct they do not act the same at all. Noah says “I will accept any genuine apology, I just cannot tell if that was genuine or not” then calls Bennett “a Harvard D-bag” methinks he was not going to accept ANY apology.

Flashback to Blake and Tay’s date in the desert with Gita where we get a black box over Ed’s privates as Gita hovers a crystal over his penis saying ”We are charging your presence” Tay is staring directly at the black box area so we are led to believe Ed was highly aroused.

 OMCH: “Canadian’s rise to the occasion” Blake: “I was charged…in that moment I guess.”

Flashback to the scavenger hunt date and we get Ed waxing Kenny.

The show brings back Yosef and the guys are NOT happy to see him. While the show recaps Yosef’s insulting of Clare we have the inset box of the guys watching the recap with anger.

 Yosef attempts to ridicule the guys who were on the strip dodge ball date (that sounds so ridiculous and it was) for not “standing up for themselves” so he was “man enough” to do it for them. Yosef feels like the poster child for the Men’s Rights campaigns…that is not a poster you want to be on.

When Yosef tries to act like a tough and say none of the guys ran up to him and told him to his face that what he did that night with Clare was wrong Riley says to him “I am ten feet from you and I am telling you right now.” Yosef has the look of a man that KNOWS the show has adequate security and pretty strong contracts.

Tay comes out in a velvet dress that highlights her assets. 

  Tay is gushing about Noah’s looks, but when Noah has a chance to talk about his feelings for Tay he first brings up Bennett again, dead horse meet Noah’s whip.

During the blooper reel, Tayshia the half Mexican girl tells us “I don’t know if that is salsa” after doing a dance move and I think my friend Ali just died a little inside.

To end it all we get green juice served by Bennett to give the guys a taste of his lifestyle and ‘Chateau Bennett’ the guys all receive champagne glasses, and Noah gets a sippy cup.