All those keyboard warriors
who claimed the season would "suck without Chris" or "I am not watching if Chris is not there" look extra foolish when you see that Tayshia and Kaitlyn are in the show the same amount that Chris was, AKA not a lot. The pretense that the show NEEDED OMCH is so devoid of logic as to be laughable.
Now if we are having a discussion about the need for a permanent host for the comfort of consistency that is one I think we should have. I suggest, we do a female host for the Bachelorette, because I like the idea of the Lead having someone to confide in: imagine the conversation where Katie revealed her past trauma to Chris Harrison? That would have been gauche. For the Bachelor let's have a male host so the Lead has someone to confide in BUT…I fear that we then slide into separate is not equal, and we will be pitting hosts against each other unfavorably. If we do go back to a permanent male host I think I would like to see the mentor role (that apparently the show initially claimed for Kaitlyn and Tayshia rather than calling them hosts) because now that OMCH wasn't there and I could see it more clearly: IT IS BLOODY WEIRD FOR A YOUNG WOMAN TO BE SURROUNDED BY 30+ MALES ACTIVELY DRINKING ON HER VERY FIRST NIGHT, AND THEN TURNING TO ANOTHER MALE FOR COMFORT/PROTECTION/GUIDANCE the dynamic is in a word icky!
For completeness…ratings are down, but I think that has more to do with fatigue/the current viewing landscape and the Lead rather than a host or lack thereof…after all ratings have been going down steadily for years and this is just the first season without OMCH, so what happened those last few years with him on it?
Let's get into the show with this…Greg was originally supposed to be on Clare's season and was pulled from the cast, this worked out in his favor.
We start with Katie and her 'mentors' giggling over the guys…"Tayshia thank you for introducing me to Blake."
I think one of my problems with Katie is that it’s weird to me that the bachelorette dresses worse than my mom. I say this as a son who just had to go and pick up a few tops for his mom because she is flying in and wants to travel light, and yes I know this is an indulgence, yes I know she is spoiled, and yes I know the fault lies with Aaron. But mom’s casual outfits (she gave me a guideline then I had to execute) absolutely look better than Katie’s. As I said to my friend Katie dresses like a 12 year old with no mirror (shout out to K-tina the Atl connect).
Katie tells Tayshia and Kaitlyn that she wants to give the guys a challenge that requires them to go without touching themselves for as long as possible…Katie the sex positive woman who BROUGHT A VIBRATOR FOR SELF CARE, is telling the men to not have self-care.
Kaitlyn goes to tell the guys and calls it a "WOWO" – "Week Off Whacking Off." Connor decides to tell us all the euphemisms for masturbation that he can get past the censor. Mike the virgin boasts that he has been preparing for this his whole life.
Tell me again that Katie doesn't come across as an immature kid this is the kind of giggly nonsense that a teenager does to their partner while not following through with it themselves.
As I noted previously Katie has turned these guys into willful snitches as we get Tre speaking about policing the other guys if they break the no-self-love pact.
Hunter is telling Greg he thinks he and Greg are in the top 4 for Katie…IDIOT!
Justin gets the one on one date card:
Franco makes another appearance as we do the Bachelorette trope of making the couple do a wedding photo shoot. Franco raided a Joseph's Amazing Technicolor coat set for his outfit then had it hemmed to the moon. Show is keeping its budget tight by utilizing Franco for everything.
Katie is doing the move of pretending this dress up event is illustrative of their real love.
Back to the hotel and some of the guys are discussing Hunter as a super fan who is calculating.
Back to the woods and the fake wedding as Justin and Katie pretend to sell this as legit. This is not the way I like to see Justin, I would much prefer if he were walking by and saw someone else doing this ludicrous exercise with Katie and giving us one of his amazing facial reactions!
Since Justin just had to go through the ritual of a wedding and reception does he get to go through a Honeymoon? Will this be an exemption since it would not be self-care?
Back to the hotel and the show plays some porn-esque music as the music bed while the guys discuss avoiding the touch…
Group date card arrives and Connor's name is not on it meaning he gets a one on one; Hunter curses since as a student of the show he understands that time is dwindling.
Evening portion of the date:
Katie says "the thing that makes weddings hard" is that her dad is no longer present so her dad will not be able to walk her down the aisle. But dear reader there is a twist, before her dad passed Katie found out that the man that was passing was not her biological dad. Further twist Katie's biological dad wants to be a part of her life and raise her (trauma and emotion aside, RAISE HER? Katie is 30, does he think she is 12 like I sometimes do?)
The musician that none of us know (NONE OF US KNOW) is Max…that's his full name, which makes me think he could have been a Bach contestant. I sometimes think the PAs are the ones who book these acts and the Producers do not want to show their ignorance so they sell it to the Executive Producers as "bro soon everyone will know who they are."
Group Date:
Katie says yesterday's date was wedding themed "today's will be more like a bachelorette party" uhmm sounds like you are doing your events in the wrong order. The date card said "This queen is looking for her king" and on the date 2 drag queens strut out; Monet X Change and Shea Coulee (from 'Drag Queen All Stars') "They are here to find out who is really here for me…and no one can spot a fake like a Queen…"
The men will have "to throw shade" and get on stage and insult each other while telling Katie why they are the best for her. The Queens start it off and take shots at Hunter...
During prep Hunter tells Shea Coulee that he is not ready to say he is in love with Katie and Tre overhears it.
Greg wrote a poem "12 Guys one rose" as he reads it the queens roll their eyes.
The feeling is that the guys are being too nice so they ask it to be switched to "who is least compatible for Katie." On stage Hunter tells everyone that he is falling in love with Katie and Tre calls him out saying that he said previously that he was not there yet…Hunter denies ever saying the negative. The guys all go in on Hunter, when Hunter has a chance to reply he says he has nothing mean to say.
After the group leaves Katie says "I was a little surprised…a lot of guys seem to have a problem with him in the house" take that with a grain of salt since in many ways on her season of the Bach many of the girls have revealed that she was basically their Hunter.
Back to the hotel, the date card arrives for Connor and as Justin goes for it we see nothing but Ankle.
Back to the date's evening portion:
Katie tells the guys that some of them need to step up because hometowns are coming up.
I am seriously resisting the urge to get a third bowl of ice cream, I blame this show, it makes me want calories maybe because the show itself is so empty?
Greg tells Katie that he has a hard time reading her and Katie tells him "Ask me anything" so he does, he asks "how are you feeling" and Katie responds "I am falling for you."
Blake tells Katie that staying off his junk is "hard" and the punning is terrible and forced but it ends with a loud make out (all of Katie's make outs are loud, I should just assume you know they are loud and sloppy if I say Katie is kissing someone). Katie is starting to feel good about how the night is going soooo…
Guy after guy starts to tell Katie they are concerned about Hunter and Katie is worried that this is going to ruin her night. Katie takes Hunter aside and tells him she is worried about the phrases "being calculated" and "compared to Thomas."
Katie tells Hunter she needs some time to think and goes and throws up (from stress/emotions?) which we get to hear. Back to the guys "I had a really good time today, tonight was a mix of emotions…there will not be a rose handed out tonight." These guys really should follow the Andrew S playbook, bringing drama to the night doesn't help your chances. Brendan expresses frustration that he did not get any time with Katie, you are a tall white guy bro, I think you will be alright.
One on one:
Connor is wearing a polo and of course it is a deep V version of a polo! Uh oh Connor rolls his suitcase out and exaggeratedly pats it with the cocky confidence of a man who does not think it will be rolled away…but…Katie tells us that she feels like she is in the friend zone with Connor and she might need one last kiss to make up her mind…nothing says getting out of a friend zone like having a double date with Kaitlyn and her beau Jason and [checks notes] PLAYING GAMES? Jason tells us that "Connor is the nicest guy I have ever met" probably not what Katie wants. Kaitlyn and Jason seem to like Connor more than Katie does, as they spy in on Connor and Katie they try to observe a kiss that they cannot see but we have to endure another Katie make-out.
Evening Portion:
And the show deliberately lets us see Connor and his exaggerated preparation method to make sure that his shirt is as unbuttoned as safely will be allowed and still claim to be wearing a suit. Connor is telling us how good he feels coming off the day portion and we get the foreboding because Katie is still in her lounge gear, she goes and knocks on Connor's door and you can see the light die in his eyes as he sees her outfit. Katie starts to tell him it's over and as she struggles to tell him he is trying to comfort her "it is okay, I know what is coming" BUT Katie decides that the knife must be fully twisted and tells him that she knew it was not going to work "because when we kiss something is missing." Say what you might want to about Matt but his breakups were smoother and much kinder. Connor in his ITM says "God how bad of a kisser am I?"
Katie shattered that man in a way that was not necessary, but juveniles often do not care about the feelings of others as they are breaking up.
To the shock of the guys,
Connor walks in to tell the guys goodbye and Tre breaks down; Aaron is surprisingly kind "I admire you and I want to be a person like you" while giving Connor a big hug, many others hug Connor.
Clearly the guys liked Connor
As we go to Katie's room and she is crying, we hear some music on the outside and it is Blake holding up a speaker playing some country music outside Katie's window
and Katie goes from crying to beaming in no time…she tells Blake to come up, meets him in the hotel hallway and a Katie make-out ensues. Because Connor clearly meant very little to her in contrast with Blake, Katie is orders of magnitude happier to see Blake than she is sad to see Connor go. Blake is as calculating as the guys accuse Hunter of being!
Blake tells us that he believes Katie will be his fiancĂ© and "I am just ready to enjoy my happy ending" as he puts on a do not disturb sing on his door and the show cuts to a sprinkler head popping up out of the grass and shooting water – subtle.
Cocktail Party (or lack thereof):
And it is a heavy makeup night for Katie. Katie tells the guys that time with them will not help to change her mind so she is cancelling the cocktail party.
This bomb wrecks the guys.
As they line up the guys start to freak out realizing there are only 6 roses and whispering "4 going home."
Katie picks up a rose, calls Hunter forward then says "can we go outside to talk" while keeping the rose in her hand…this leaves the remaining guys on the podium just as nervous as before.
Katie and Hunter are having a heart to heart that feels like a mini cocktail party. Hunter returns to the group with no rose on his chest and Katie walks back with a rose in her hand. Katie "I don't have time to allow anyone to play catch-up I am just ready to find my person."
Blake gets the first rose, then Andrew, Greg, (Cut to Tre now nervous "I am definitely nervous about not getting a rose, I kind of spoke out about Hunter and that did take up 98% of our time looking back I could have talked about me instead of talking about Hunter and now going home is a real danger."
Michael A gets the next rose (while Aaron tells us that "I was trying to help Katie but now maybe she thinks I am part of drama), Mike P and his huge cross gets the next rose. As she holds the final rose Katie makes an exaggerated sigh and then says Brendan.
Tre "I made a couple mistakes…[then] I have no regrets in what I did" uhmm bro maybe have some regrets.
TELL ME WHY KATIE HAD HUNTER RETURN TO THE GROUP TO THEN SEND HIM HOME? Petty juvenile.
Bloopers?:
Katie is having tea with the Queens (and tequila) and she admits that she has made out with everyone and Greg is the best kisser.
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