Our legal representative has told us that some of our loyal readers were offended by us calling Katie a moron last week forgetting that this blog Is written in real time with what is on the screen at the time: When Katie told Sarah to stay BEFORE Sarah told her about all the other problems she was having it was moronic, because in the ‘game’ that they are playing the object of the game is to ‘win’ Matt and at that point they barely knew Matt and he barely knew them, they also barely knew each other except as competitors…so yes I stand by calling her a moron, a super nice person can do a moronic thing just like an evil person can do a nice thing, one does not preclude the other.
We start with Matt reminiscing about Sarah leaving and the women on the super couch having a talk…Victoria talks trash about Sarah by saying “the trash took itself out” and Katie tells her to stop and they have a mini tiff.
You might remember that we are in the middle of a group date…the girls and Matt meet up for the evening portion and whew there are some outfits! MJ is the first to grab Matt to go outside and talk; I completely forgot her name until the chyron. Matt’s reaction to Mari asking how he is doing vs how he reacted when MJ asked makes me think Mari is held in higher esteem.
Chelsea has a talk that I want to highlight especially because this show does not touch much on the experience of colored women, she speaks about the emotional aspect of hair and the connection our people have with it. So many of my female friends of color have gone natural in the last few years and there is a big movement towards it but I do not think many people outside of the culture understand what is happening here.
Back to the house and Victoria requests a sit down with Katie and her mom jeans
and Victoria demands an apology which she obviously does not get, both accuse the other of being a “bitch.”
I foolishly went for a walk tonight despite a high wind warning of gusts of up to 60mph, at one point my beard was blown so far back it was touching my ears and my breath was shallow and it still was not as dumb as the back and forth with Victoria and Katie…mainly on Victoria’s part but Katie girl, have you not seen this show? Do not get dragged into the muck!
Back to the date and Chelsea gets the rose.
Cocktail Party:
“I have heard that Anna wants to go first (for time with Matt) but that is not happening. I’m Elsa and you’re Anna so let it go bitch, I am going first” – You have got to by now be able to guess that the speaker was Victoria.
I cannot fully decide if I should give Matt credit for remembering the back stories of the women or if this is producer fed info before the start of these one on ones, I hope this is just him remembering, I want this wholesome moment.
Victoria did NOT get the first moments with Matt, but she did start talking to him before they hit the couch. As they sit down OMCH interrupts to pull Matt aside and then in her ITM Victoria looks like she has a massive eye stye.
OMCH and Matt walk past all of the ladies and back out to the main steps where the limos pulled up from episode one. OMCH tells Matt “record response” for women who wanted to meet him and because of that they are having new limos pull up for new women to arrive – That explanation makes no sense, if you had record submissions causing you to add more women than normal why not just bring them all on right away, this was clearly for the shakeup impact. Nemacolin is not the normal Bachelor mansion so space was obviously not an issue. Matt plasters a goofy smile on and fixes his tie for the new arrivals. The women looking through the windows are all convinced that it is Sarah returning to the show.
Out comes Brittany first and her job title is ‘Model’ and she immediately goes in for a big kiss “to make up for lost time.” Brittany sashays her way in. Brittany walks in to an icy reception and says “surprise” and then smartly adds “there are other women coming in with me” (spread that heat) Victoria immediately attacks her calling her a “backup” and in her ITM a “Slore…slut, whore.”
Next out is Michelle a teacher from Minnesota and wow she has a face that looks familiar.
The original girls are saying the arrival of the new girls is “disrespectful” and a “slap in the face” Anna says “I am like having a mental breakdown right now.”
Next out is Ryan a dancer and choreographer..
Kim an ICU nurse gives her name as Kimberly to Matt and the girls but the show’s chryon insisted on ‘Kim’ weird. I chortled at how many people online made similar jokes to "she dressed for Bachelor in Paradise and was shocked when the limo pulled up to Nemacolin."
Catalina is a former Miss. Puerto Rico and wears the sash to make sure you know it! She tells Matt she wants “to be the queen of his universe.” This immediately triggers Victoria who tells her to come over Catalina- “Are you a former Miss?” “I’m Victoria like the queen…so I think I should have that crown” AND SNATCHES THE CROWN OFF CATALINA’S HEAD.
Real talk, the island in me jumped out and in my head I felt the blood rush because I was eagerly anticipating a smack.
One of the women says “I think you are Elsa royalty tonight, I don’t think Elsa wears a crown” and Victoria says “okay that is fine” and takes off the crown BUT then puts it on the coffee table instead of returning it to Catalina. – Cut back to above when I said Sarah and Katie’s interaction was silly because SEE? More women are here and Matt is now torn about the people remaining and the current new crop.
Anna says that she knows about Brittany because of their circles in Chicago and she is hinting strongly that Brittany is not a good person “she is not here for Matt.”
Khaylah is rocking an Africa necklace, “Yasss Queen” I used to have one of those until it was stolen!
ROSE CEREMONY:
MJ gets the first rose, then Pieper, Bri, Magi, Michelle (new girl), Mari, (Serena C. crying in an ITM because she got no time with Matt, hold it together my sweet), Ryan, Kit, Serena C (see my dear, I had faith in you, have faith in yourself) Abigail (back to back of my picks), Katie, (now Khaylah is the ITM freak out of the rose ceremony due to frustration of no time with Matt, she is a Nubian princess so I want her to remain, but my competitive nature and fantasy league participation says…”eh”), Victoria gets the “we need drama” rose (or in my world the “I do not think I could be friends with Matt because this is his decision making?” rose), (Now Anna gets the frustration ITM and the crazy eyes), Lauren, Brittany ( Anna stares daggers), Jessenia (whew my team rises), Anna (because now that we know there is potential beef there is no way we are losing it), cue OMCH to tell us that “this is the final rose tonight” and it goes to Catalina (oh you thought he was booting a beauty queen? Plus the potential for more Victoria beef? Silly rabbit).
Ha Anna just said “OGs” and threw up quote fingers, it sounds weird when she says it.
Victoria’s stye is even more prominent in the morning with less makeup, I had an uncharitable thought that it is just her evil trying to escape.
Date card arrives and Serena C reads it…group date “Let’s fall in love” and this group will have Victoria and Catalina plus Anna and Brittany.
Ben Higgins arrives to give Matt counsel, should I point out that Ben is NOT with the woman he left his season with?
GROUP DATE:
And Ben is leading it, telling the ladies that they are
going to do an obstacle course.
Rowing in thousand pound pumpkins across a pond, then a foot race in squirrel
outfits to drop an acorn in a basket “and carry it like a squirrel”, then
another foot race to get to Matt.Then Ben vaporizes, I guess that is what happened.
Immediately I can see that many of these ladies have never rowed Town Lake. Magi for instance has completely gone in the wrong direction. Victoria was the strongest rower, I am not shocked that she knows how to row. Anna could not find her acorn, “but I found Brittany’s and I hid it.” Poor Mari is still in the lake while the others are searching for acorns. Mari wins the challenge.
Evening Portion:
Anna gets the first one on one with Matt and Brittany tries to steal him, Anna rebuffs her even with Brittany trying the “but I just need to talk with him” tact, Anna then freezes up as Brittany lurks in the background. Anna lets Victoria know that there are Brittany rumours, I sense she is chumming the waters hoping a bigger shark will take it to Matt.
Cut back to the house and Michelle is speaking to the OGs and saying they just want respect and right on cue a date card arrives for a One on One date for Michelle.
Back to the date and Bri is getting a kiss from Matt (I really tried to get her on my fantasy team) and the group rose. Once Matt leaves Anna tells Brittany that she wants to talk to her and says she got DM’s from her friends in Chicago about Brittany “Watch out for this girl” and “that you are an escort” Brittany’s defense is that she has had a “boyfriend since I was 16.” Anna somehow manages to say "I apologize" while still committing the crime - Brittany tells the girls that it is hard for her to be in the situation and so Victoria then says “well get out the house.” This is not a mean girl edit for Victoria, this is a who she is edit, her photo with a Trump flag in the background was not an accident.
Next day Serena C., Jessenia and Kit are talking about Brittany and speculating on her Chicago night life.
ONE ON ONE:
I go off to make a rum glaze for some sugar cookies as Matt tries to tell Michelle that OMCH created their date and it is a scavenger hunt. First clue “take a leap of faith” it is a massive zipline, OMCH is used to white couples. Matt “Michelle finished first” Michelle, “It is good for you to learn.”
The next clue is “any hidden talents” – Michelle is a bit of a contortionist. Then “how many kids” both say “three” then “time to take your love to new heights” and of course it is a hot air balloon. As the balloon rises the women back at the hotel break out binoculars and spy on Matt and Michelle.
A new date card arrives as MJ tells us that Michelle getting a one on one was “straight up disrespectful” with some massive bags under her eyes. The date card says “Are you willing to fight for love” and the girls all realize the implications.
Back to the date –
Evening portion:
Matt and Michelle get to dine in a classic car filled room. While I realize that I probably added too much rum to my glaze as it remains liquidy…but delicious. Then the conversation snaps me to attention, Michelle brings up the pandemic and George Floyd and this is a REAL CONVERSATION. I am so grateful for this moment and a quick flashback to Taysha and Ivan talking about BLM, the franchise has had so much fluff, and there is a strong reason for that, fluff is good, fluff helps with escapism but this dose of reality is necessary to anchor a “reality” show and this is and should be what people talk about on dates, especially people of color inhabiting the world we currently live in. Michelle gets a date rose and then a make-out session in the back of a classic car.
The next morning: Brittany is talking to Michelle and Katie and telling them about the escort rumour. Katie says “people are going to throw stuff out that is not accurate…it is hard here” then asks “did Matt hear that rumour?” This feels like foreshadowing.
Cut to Matt working out shirtless in preparation for the Group Date:
Have I confessed yet that I dated a girl who looks a lot like Serena C (this may be why I have an affinity for her). Mia St. John shows up to show the ladies how to box and to warn them that they will “be fighting in front of a live audience.”
Serena C. says she would have liked to have some of the new girls on the date because it would bring out the competitive side in her and allow her “to beat their asses.”
Of course the live audience is the girls from the hotel who are not on the date. OMCH and Wells Adams are the faux-announcers. “If I was on the date I would punch Katie in the face multiple times because she has been pissing me off, she would wake up with a black eye” – Victoria with an eye that looks blackened.
Katie claims that because Victoria has been pissing her off she is going to take out her anger on her opponent who happens to be Jessenia…my poor girl gets battered.
Serena C. then comes through for my team and lays a whooping on Kit. Rachael versus Pieper seems fairly evenly matched.
Serena P versus Lauren leads to some clean shots and the fight gets called early but not early enough for Serena to avoid a clean shot to the nose and the need for an ice pack.
Evening Portion:
Rachael tells Matt that it has been a tough week, and gets a kiss.
Back to the house and Anna and Victoria are 'going mean girl' talking behind the new girls' backs.
Back to the date, the OG girls who call themselves ‘The Varsity squad” are talking about the new girls and Katie speaks up saying the girls are being mean and not giving the new girls a chance. She then goes to find Matt and tells him that “the house just needs to be better, it is a toxic environment. There are some really bad rumors starting about the new girls that could literally ruin their lives, not even exaggerating.” She then tells Matt “I just figure like when everyone is together tomorrow when everyone is in the same room you could address it” and all I hear in my head again is LPB Poody’s “Address it.” There is much to be said about Matt not being previously on this show and not having the usual command someone who has been on the show before usually has.
BLOOPER:
Magi gets Matt to dance and I KNEW IT, EVERYTHING I EXPECTED ABOUT HOW BAD HE WOULD BE IS VINDICATED! Mari says “that’s great I (drawn out)...” while having the plastic smile of someone who sees a kid’s painting that shows decapitation of their teddy bear and they are trying to figure out if all the knives are hidden, complete with Magi’s eyes darting to the side. I am not ashamed to say I have re-watched the Matt dance, about 6 times and each time paused when Magi’s face is shown watching him in horror. This was not for the culture!
No comments:
Post a Comment