Bachelorette Recap or we do not have enough content so here is a studio audience finale.

I told y'all our intent was to DOUBLE the score of the next closest team to us in the fantasy league, well dear reader in advance of the scoring of tonight's episode WE HAVE DONE IT! 

Do not forget that last week Greg said to Katie "you fill a hole in my heart" and Katie laughed and said "I love looking at you."

Hosting a socially distanced masked and small viewing party because a Bach franchise ending needs mockery. We said let's drink some cheap champagne and Ali shows up with Veuve Clicquot – gotta love that lawyer money. 

We are doing the live studio audience thing but the show is spoiling some of the upcoming scenes.

We get the recap of the Greg breakup and now Katie is live before the studio audience talking to Kaitlyn and Tayshia and trying to emote

and Kaitlyn is trying to show emotion and host

and Tayshia is trying to not look like she is listening to voices in her head.

I do the rare move of stopping during a commercial

because BACH in PARADISE is so ratchet AND I LOVE IT. LOVE IT 

 Blake and Justin try to feign shock and confusion when Tay tay and Kaitlyn come to tell them that Greg is gone!

 

For our group we play 'Spot how many guys are in the audience' so far we are at 7 guys which I think is a record SOMETHING IS UP, this feels weird. 

 Blake and Katie:

Kate runs and jumps into Justin's arms. 

They play a water balloon/water paint fight which leads to rolling in the dirt and then a hot tub.

In the Hot tub Katie tells Blake about wanting to quit the show when both Michael

and Greg left the show.

 

But Blake wont leave

Evening portion:

And Katie debuts something from the PTA meeting collection.

Blake does a big build up

to tell Katie that he loves her

"and as much as I want to be stubborn" Katie breaks her rule and says "I f#$king love you."

The fantasy suite invite shows up

and Blake jokingly says "individual rooms" and Kaitlyn briefly freaks out "WHAT?"

Right after Ali and I comment on the amount of candles in the room the show does the fake light going out in the room and the room immediately goes dark. Makes me wonder how many takes the show took to get it right.

 Morning After:

The show really wants you to know that they had sex so we see a black bra that Katie clearly did not wear the night before and the couple in bed together.

 Katie tells Kaitlyn that she was "satisfied many times."

 Because we are trying to avoid spoilers so we will not look him up we ask Alexa how old Blake is and Alexa tells us "here is something I found on Wikipedia; Blake died of pneumonia" and we all dissolve into puddles of laughter.

 Justin:

Justin is posing on a tree branch looking contemplative

and then he and Katie meet up and she does not run and jump into his arms.

Katie tells Justin that due to her overnight with Blake

and telling Blake that she is "falling in love with him" she cannot move forward with Justin.

JUSTIN'S PARENTS WERE RIGHT TO NOT SHOW UP ON THIS SHOW! They knew what was up.

I told y'all no ethnic dude was winning this show, tell me why I should not feel like Justin was carried to this point to make the show look diverse/good? I am not saying Katie should sleep with Justin or anything like that, but it felt mad insulting to not even let the dude get a fun day out of this situation.

 We get Justin with the live studio audience and the black women in the audience all look like they know what's up! Tayshia asks Justin "is there any part of you that wonders if you would not be there if Greg had not left? Justin says "yeah." "Do you truly think that Katie gave you a fair shot?" "No."

 Ali has been predicting and being eager for this moment all night THE SUPER CUT OF JUSTIN'S FACES! 

 

Time for Blake to meet the Family:

He is nervous that because it is just him remaining Katie's family is going to judge him harder. He had no idea 

Katie's aunt and mom are the one's meeting Blake.

Katie tells us that her aunt is not very expressive "she is cold" I will take understatements for 1000 Alex. 

Katie's Aunt takes Blake to the side and says "You ultimately mean nothing…you better be secure as F@$k" coming into our family.

Every few things that Blake says is met with "that's cute." 

With Katie the Aunt says "what makes you want the beard?"

Katie's mom is much more receptive to Blake.

 Katie and Blake have another late night date and meet up with Felicia an Energy Healer and they are going to have the burning of Zozobra – this was clearly supposed to be Justin's date (or maybe Greg's or Michael's)  and we have been robbed of seeing the faces he would have made.

For the Zozobra (which translates to Old Man Gloom) the couple writes down their fears which are supposed to be stuffed into a gloom box and burned with the Zozobra. 

I have a hard time believing this date was not supposed to accompany a fantasy suite that was a bloody expensive (AND CREEPY) effigy to burn just for a post-meeting with the family. That Zozobra is going to haunt dreams.

 Tay tay calls Neil Lane for his usually ugly rings (though I will confess I was pleasantly surprised this season)

and then weirdly as Blake's ex-girlfriend helps him pick out rings for his current girlfriend.

Blake gets up to walk away from the shell game of ring choices because he says "my brain is scrambled eggs." Tay Tay tells him to figure it out or...

We hear and see Katie getting ready and telling us how sure she is about her decision and Blake is not looking as sure.

 Kaitlyn ad Tayshia look like they are going to prom together,

I am confused by Tay tay's outfit it's like a velour glitter suit while Kaitlyn (and Katie too) are rocking evening gowns in the middle of the day.

Proposal time: 

Kaitlyn tells Blake "you showed up exactly when you were meant to show up."

Blake in his proposal decides he needs to build suspense and tries to pretend he is not going to get engaged.

 They ride off into the sunset with Katie's absolutely ruined dress. 

Time for Greg to get grilled on the hot seat:

Kaitlyn and Tay tay do not look happy to see Greg but they are gentle compared to Katie

Katie goes off on Greg (earlier in the show Katie claimed she did not know what she would say to Greg which I thought then was false) and has lines prepared that she wants to drop on Greg.

Katie tells Greg that he was acting on the show

and gas lighting her.

 

Proving (sadly) that I know this show too well – the majority of men in the studio audience stand up to hold boomboxes for Katie and Blake to dance to a country song and mirror when he tried his "Say Anything" moment earlier in the season.

I had been saying all night to my guests E and Ali that the guys in the audience must work for the show and BOOM!

 

 I am not ready for Bachelor in Paradise to get here so quickly!