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Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Bachelorette recap or taking care of family puts you 3 weeks behind

My mom was staying with me for almost a month, and I could not let her see me watching this show...I know, I know.
The episode I am watching (can't say my usual of "this week") starts with Alex looking less cocky than normal because he realizes that he was on the chopping block last night. OMCH comes in to reassure him that if Jojo (J) wanted him gone, he would have been gone.

First one on one goes to Alex "I gaucho on my mind" reads the date card:
Apparently Alex has been "bitching about being the only guy to not get a one on one." Alex doesn't seem to understand the purpose of the show "she needs to show me that she is into me." The other guys are placed on a bus together and seeing the five remaining guys you get to see how "generic white boy" they are, from a distance the only differentiation is weight...tell me why this show would be hurt by diversity? The guys in the bus stop at an Argentinian bbq joint and Aaron Rodger's brother (ARB) tells us that he is a picky eater..often code for I just like American food (and Italian).
Alex and J watch a gaucho relax a horse, Alex called it "putting a horse down" as they snuggle together with the horse (yes it is as weird as it reads). Alex whispers "I'm your goocho" yup a whole date plus the word written on a date card and he still could not get it right.

A date card for a one on one shows up and of course it is for ARB. Back to the date and Alex is telling J that he is falling in love with her and she gives him the stone face and it is at that moment that we know that Alex is going home. J tells us that she is sending him home early out of respect...Alex might be thinking, "or you could let me party for one more week." Alex is the kind of cocky guy that cannot believe he could get broken up with.

ARB's one on one date:
Of course he gets the private jet to a wine tasting treatment...they start it off by smashing grapes under their feet, then take glasses and scoop out some of the pulp and juice (unprocessed) that they just made and in my head I can hear my cousin screaming "white people!" While they are disgustingly drinking foot juice, we cut back to the house and Luke and Chase are discussing ARB with very little respect regarding him as a person.
A date card arrives and Luke gets the final one on one...but of course he had to, she has a type.

Back to ARB and he is telling J that if she goes home with him to meet the families, Aaron Rodgers wont be there...he starts snitching on the fam. He says that he and Aaron do not have much of a relationship, and makes it sound like Aaron has decided to distance himself from his family. He says they do not talk at all, so Aaron wouldn't know that he is doing the show, PRETTY SURE HE KNOWS HOMIE! He claims he walked away from football because he wanted to not because he had to. He tells J "I am so in love with you" she glows - massive make out session.

Group Date:
It is raining, so the group stays in, and eats a tonne of American junk food, with James betting that he could stuff his mouth full of french fries, they are all basically simulating a slumber party, with Pictionary, Charades and Truth and Dare. Robbie has to do a dare of running down the hallway in his underwear. James starts snitching on Robbie, telling J that Robbie stares at other girls on the streets.

In some one on one time with Robbie, we find out that he quite recently broke up with his girl, as in he claims "4.5 months ago" you can see J doing the math to try to figure out if he broke up to come on the show!

The guys are hanging out together and Robbie asks what the other guys think about the rose distribution, James being practical thinks that ARB and Luke are front runners - that annoys Robby whose name I just figured out is spelled with a Y, I refuse to go back and fix all the other references. Robby is telling the other guys he thinks he is a front runner...his cockiness is immediately validated, because he gets the group date rose. Look J clearly has a type 'washed up former athlete' is her sweet spot. Then something that makes no logistic sense (or equity) occurs, "because Robby won the rose [which means he will spend a tonne of alone time with her soon] he gets some more time with me right now" so the other 2 guys have to skedaddle.

Luke one on One:
J tells us that Luke is smart, not just good looking - and immediately after that he tells us that he broke his first horse at 12 and that helps him with human psychology...sigh. Anyway, Luke the cowboy gets to go on a date with J that involves riding horses - yeah this show is not rigged at all. Then they go skeet shooting, if the next thing is calf roping I would not be shocked at all.

Chase is telling us that he is concerned that the decision for the guy to go home is between he and James so he will need the cocktail party to impress J. At that moment Luke comes in and tells the guys there will be no cocktail party!

Rose Ceremony:
Luke is brimming with confidence, and so too is ARB!
They get the first 2 roses, as we knew they would and the final rose goes to Chase. Come on, this is a blatant case of looks over personality, and James didn't help himself by playing the goofy snitch towards the end. J does the 'can I walk you out and sit on this special bench and talk' move.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.