Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

BAR REVIEW AT AUBERGINE

L.I.T. Promotions Presents
Bar Review
At
Aubergine
500 4th avenue

Thursday Sept 1st
(Leaves Labor day weekend available)
From 9.30pm till they kick you out

It’s a 3,4,5, event…
$3 Domestics
$4 Cover with USD ID
$5 House vodka Drinks
T. J. and C.W. Law schools will be there also

http://www.aubergineon4th.com/

Dress code will be enforced for this event please no sneakers or flip flops

A Cali-Jamaican endorsed event…jot that down!

Difference between reporting of whites and blacks



So my room-mate (Dan) and my friend (Damon) both showed me the fun/irony in this reporting...click on the words white and then black to follow the links...note that the white peeps found food while the black kid Looted

Have you ever wanted to be in movies?

If yes, here's your chance!

Filming will include the Orange bowl tailgating scene
at Qualcomm
Stadium on September 3rd from 12-6 before the
UCLA/SDSU game (A game that the Cali-J will be attending…look for the streaker). This is also the date of the Longhorns first 2005
victory which starts at 4pm local time, so TVs will be provided to watch that game during the tailgate.

We are looking to assemble actual 'horns fans to give
the film that extra element of reality. We'll have some beer, bring
your tailgate stuff and your Texas colors (flags, banners, Bevo
impersonators, whatever you've got...) and we will have some laughs and launch the UT season in style!

The wind done gone…

So Katrina came and oh she was a wet one. (Ok so once again I slipped into grade school humor but screw it OCI is a depressing time so let me act childish for a second)

On to the actual rant:
The loss of life is sad, the massive destruction of property I think is even sadder. See here is my feeling…

People were given mandatory evacuation orders and many ignored it, many felt that the hurricane would not hit them or hit them hard. Screw them…if you had the option to leave and stayed put after all those warnings I find it hard to be sympathetic to you if you were injured. The sympathy I feel is for all those who lost property, all those who are currently being looted (nasty thieving rat bastards – looters should be shot! More on that in a sec.). Amazing that with all the warnings peeps still stayed put and then have the audacity to call for rescuers – What? Hell no swim your dumbass to safety…by staying and then calling for help you have put in danger the lives of all those who have to come for you and let’s not kid ourselves we know brave fire fighters and policemen will always come for you no matter how much u were at fault. Some dude called the AP saying he didn’t want to break through his roof but that water was lapping at his ankles and “I want to live” This is why I couldn’t be a dispatcher because some how I know that 911 would suddenly drop a call.

The loss of property sucks I hate peeps who are saying serve them right for living there. Screw that: I know it’s a chance you take living in the NO but that doesn’t mean that my heart can’t go out to them when a storm comes and takes everything away. Hell I live in Cali I know we are one big earthquake away from the stone age, the mid west is one major dust storm away from the early 1900s (look it up if you don’t know) and hell the east coast is one good hurricane away from being the Dakotas. We all take chances in spots where we live…though those peeps that keep building trailer homes in tornado alley kind of piss me off. Many peeps in NO grew up there so it’s not for anyone to tell them that they should move just to be safe…just EVACUATE damn it when a storm is coming.

Now my federal tax dollars are going to rescue yokel after yokel from the top of his roof…LEARN TO SWIM or LEARN TO EVACUATE. Do both and everything will be better. Don’t get me wrong though, those people who were unable to escape due to infirmities or poverty etc have all my love and sympathy…the rest of y’all…Fassys!

Looters I hate you and pity you, anyone who takes things from others in times like this is an asshole. I know some of those peeps stayed put when the storm came just hoping for the chance to loot. I hope you drown!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

For you Tara

So I went over to the School’s eatery for lunch today (something I try to avoid) circumstances demanded it…I had to walk to school today because my garage door and all the other garage doors in my complex would not open…but I digress.

So I was at the eatery which is only half an eatery since until the damn undergrads return to school nothing good is open and the persons behind the counter cop an attitude as if my money is no good

(Tangent: “Your damn tasteless made with day old bread sandwiches are not worth the paper they are wrapped in so maybe you should served the bloody sandwich with a bloody smile on your face” – is what I wanted to say but of course all that came out was “ Can I have a mission beef [roast beef sandwich with a cutesy name as if that will improve the taste] toasted please” ) So after dealing with the shocked look because I dared to ask for it toasted and my reply of “fine” to the statement that it will have to be microwaved.

I take my sandwich to the check out counter and say to the lady “Just a sandwich” so that I do not get charged for the crappy combo (Tangent: “Good grief sandwiches at our school are bloody expensive $4.25 for a thin slice of roast beef a strip of lettuce, mozzarella cheese and day old bread??????”) to my statement of “Just a sandwich” I receive the reply “That is not just a sandwich that is a ‘Mission Beef’!” To that I replied with yep u guessed it nothing not a damn thing what am I going to say to that, that look of pride that hint of I created that name in her voice I will not be the man who crushes the sandwich chefs dreams I will not be the bearer of bad news, plus at the time it struck me that damn maybe this sandwich is as good as she says…NOPE. I had it hastily before class and it’s just like every other damn sandwich over there so now because I am bored in class and still mad that I was tricked by a mildly amusing sandwich name that cost way too much I am blogging. STONE COLD.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Thugging and bugging the Simpson way!

Sorry had to blog this: So on the MTV awards tonight Jessica Simpson said “We are two white chics from the dirty South” (that alone is funny) but what I found funnier was that whomever was in charge of the captions typed “...Two white chics from Texas” Guess the stenographer just couldn’t believe what she had heard.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

"Get her wetter than the perfect storm"


My Caribbean peeps will remember Gilbert, but, at least for us Jamaica is above sea level New Orleans is 6-8 feet below sea level (The bowl-shaped city must pump water out even during normal times) and is expected to be completely covered in water. I guess Pat Robertson ("A condition like this will bring about ... earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor," ) would call that a cleansing.


"Mayor Ray Nagin declared a state of emergency on Sunday and ordered a mandatory evacuation of the city the Category 5 storm approached.

Forecasters said the storm surge could reach 28 feet.

"We are facing a storm that most of us have feared," Nagin said. "I do not want to create panic, but I do want the citizens to understand that this is very serious and it's of the highest nature. About 70 percent of New Orleans is below sea level, and is protected by a series of levies." -- AP

Not mentor worthy!

I was not given a mentee!! Damn if BD can have 3 what did I do wrong...probably wiser not to trust the future of new and impressionable law students in the hands of the Cali-J.

Happy Birthday

Tessie

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Alcohol + sleeping pills = ?

A man too tired to blog...
A man tired of the drama...
A man who is glad his friends got home safe...
A man whose cell phone will be turned off so don't bother to call it...
A man who can't wait for the next bar review Thursday Sept 1st at AUBERGINE...

Friday, August 26, 2005

1st BAR REVIEW...L.I.T. promotions is Back!

L.I.T. Promotions
Cordially invites you to the Year’s first Bar Review.
At E-Street Alley
Friday August 26th
Mention you are with USD to get in for only $5 before 12am.
Drink specials all night in the Blue room $2 Wells and $2 domestics

This event will be a celebration of the bringing together of the newest members of USD and a welcome back to our returning students and friends.
Open till 4 AM.
Located in the Historic Lawyers Block Building at 919 Fourth Ave. San Diego, CA 92101.
E- Street is one of San Diego’s largest clubs (19.000 square feet) and features Chino, a full-service dining/catering restaurant with a sushi bar; the plush Blue Room lounge; and Club E, a high-energy dance club.

A Cali-J endorsed event…jot that down!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Bad customer service

Looks like customer service in Chi Town is a bit shoddy…Too lazy to blog more so read the link. Thanks for the article Josh.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Not very PC of me, but heck what is?

If you're a regular Cali-J reader you know I am not one for posting jokes but this one just cracked me up too much not to share...course the exaggerated joy I am getting out of it might be due to the fact that my Civil Procedure reading is so damn boring.

Two Blonde Genies
A guy is walking along a beach on the Mississippi Gulf Coast when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear and tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100.00 bills. Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two people dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead. The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, "I don't get it. I can understand the first wish, having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But why he'd want to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

--thanks Amy for the joke!

Not sure whether I should be proud or just laugh.

"The Princeton Review survey also listed UT Austin 10th among 361 colleges and universities for the number of students packing the stadiums for sporting events. In other categories, UT Austin was 12th among the best college libraries, 13th among great college towns, 14th for the low number of hours students study each day, 15th for the best college newspaper, 15th for the best party school, 19th for the popularity of intramural and intercollegiate sports and 19th for beer consumption."

The guide said the university is “on anybody’s list of the top 10 public universities in the nation. The Plan II liberal arts honors program is one of the nation’s most renowned. Though it is also the capital of Texas, Austin ranks among the nation’s best college towns.”

"The university is highly ranked in the U.S. News survey of the best business and engineering undergraduate programs.

The McCombs School of Business ranked fifth, tied with Carnegie Mellon University, the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill and New York University. McCombs was ranked sixth in last year’s survey. The McCombs’ accounting program ranked second in qualitative rankings of specialty areas, while its management information systems and marketing programs ranked third, and the finance program ranked fifth."

I think most rankings are crap anyway but it was fun to read this about my old school...Go HORNS: 2006 National Champs.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Warning explicit lyrics...

Ever notice that when one of your crew members progresses and gets something that they are happy about people on the outside of the crew all of a sudden seem to have a problem with the entire crew? Too many lies have been told this summer behind peoples backs: amazing how one end of the year party can cause so much damn drama. If you have something to say to any member of the Old Section B just step up and say it but quit the petty high school whisper, whisper behind the back foolishness and be a man about yours. Or go home and nurse your sore vagina.

Admit it DUI you know when you found out what that dude has been saying about you that you just wanted to shout…

“My attitude was, "Fuck it," cause motherfuckers love it
To be a soldier, must maintain composure at ease
Though life is complicated, only what you make it to be
Uhh, and my ambitions as a ridah to catch her
while she hot, and horny, go up inside her
Then I spit some game in her ear, "Go to the tele hoe"“
--"Ambitionz Az A Ridah" 2Pac

It happens man, for some reason some peeps just don’t want to see others rise and be happy. It’s all good I know the “Klique” has got your back, let BD handle it. Worse comes to worse we will let Tiff at him, but this aint something we gotta get worked up about.

Taco Tuesday

So as I sit in another class that makes me want to kill myself (and it’s only 2 days into the semester) I know that today will definitely have to be a TACO TUESDAY. So let’s say about 8-ish at either PB bar and Grill or Moondoggies, see y’all there.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Happy Birthday Ben

You survived being friends with BD and myself so clearly the rest of your life can’t be all bad.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Skip college if you can!

I found it highly ironic that in “The perfect score” Darius Miles plays a kid weighing the choice between getting a good SAT score to get into college vs. going straight to the pros, and his momma is lecturing him on the benefits of going to college. The same D-Miles that was the highest high school pick for the NBA in 2000!!!! I am a big fan of college but to be honest I am fine with high school kids that are great players skipping college to go straight to the million dollar guaranteed world of the NBA. What is the bonus of college for them? After all college is supposed to prepare you for life and to get a great career, but if your career is already laid out for you and it includes millions: Why the hell would you include the prep part?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Fun pics from orientation











Ah the joy of the welcome reception...

Priorities

So I have to be at school in under 6 hours for orientation and I am just making it in from the bars. Nothing like a law student for figuring out how to divide responsibility and fun: Thanks to y’all for coming out, too many peeps to shout out so let me shout out the letters from A to V all those are covered. I meant every word I said to you tonight…every single word! STONE COLD!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Basic Advice for incoming Students...

So I spoke to a friend sometime ago (Marc - congrats on making it in) and I told him that at orientation I am a part of the student panel for incoming students but I can never remember all I want to tell incoming students ( I know I could write it down but that would be too smart) so this year I am posting things on my blog and I hope that other students will post their own comments to help others along.

First things first RELAX…I bloody hate all the horror stories that people feed incoming students and the stories that people who had a bad law school experience try to propagate. There is no doubt that law school is stressful. But, the same is true for all grad programs; you just can’t let the stress get to you, otherwise you are in for the 3-4 worse years of your life. I enjoyed/enjoy law school and enjoyed the people around me who helped to make it better. (shout out to the Rainbow Coalition)

So since I mentioned people lets talk about friends: Make them and treasure them. It’s a cliché but, “no man is an island.” Make friends in school it makes the time here so much easier and it provides a support system to help you through whatever may come. You will find that you meet a ton of people during orientation exchange numbers emails whatever get to know people NOW because during the semester you will find that your world becomes dominated by your section and the rest of the law school becomes a foreign land to you. There is very little interaction outside of your section beyond (personal plug- BAR REVIEW).

Shall we move to academics because I know at this point many readers are panicked and wondering about classes, grades, professors and class participation. But if you do the above two things then you can face the academic portion of law school with a strong base. Let me address this portion by answering questions I always get.
- Will a professor embarrass me in class? No! (Yes if you have not read) There is not a single 1L professor that attempts to embarrass a student, being asked to answer in class should not be a scary moment it should be a moment to put your knowledge to use.
- What if I don’t like to talk? You will only have to talk as much as the professor has asked you and you will only be questioned on the material that was given to y’all to read. Most professors have a system that will let you know when you will be called on and it’s the easiest thing in the world to prepare for.
- Will I have to read every night? Yes and No. It makes it easier to keep up if you read every night but if you prefer to read say 4 out of 5 days do so as long as you keep up with all the material and that is the most important thing in law school KEEP UP WITH THE READINGS. Especially in your first year you do not want to fall behind the readings and it’s impossible to give an informed answer in class if you can not follow along with the professor.
- Will I get a good grade? Sure! Why not? Our school thankfully has not yet become a legacy school so everyone here is here on their merit. So be assured your classmates are going to be some of the smartest people you will ever meet (some will know it and be cocky- avoid them) that being said it means that everyone here has the same chance coming in to get an A or to get a D. Hard work will be what separates the classes and learning little tricks.
- What can I do to get an edge? Go and see your professors: Professors will always make time for students and they will always cut through the bull and let you know what you need to know. In class it’s not always easy to completely understand a prof but going to see them afterwards is always good because you get to know a professor (think recommendations) and you make sure that you learn exactly what the professor wants not just general ideas.

Peripheral stuff: Nothing spreads through the law school faster than gossip with illness running a close second. Be aware of your reputation, do not do anything that you think you will be ashamed of. The law school is a closed community and when something happens it does not take long for it to circulate. Be decent to everyone you meet you are no better than anyone else here so try not to be an ass. Take care of yourself try to get some rest etc. Once someone in your class gets ill it’s amazing how quickly others will get sick.

Do not be afraid to approach 3rd and 2nd years none of us are too busy to talk to a 1L. Some of my best friends were in the year above me and don’t forget they have OUTLINES!

Oh and my friends in financial aid have asked me to remind everyone to stay up to date with their office.

Finally Come to Bar review
I will add more things as I can think of them and I hope this mini list and the ensuing comments will be helpful.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Welcome Bar Event for 1Ls at FACES

L.I.T. Promotions presents a
Welcome event for 1L students. Friday night Aug 19th at

835 5th Ave.
Meet fellow USD students and students from Thomas Jefferson School of Law.
$5 cover when you mention that you are with USD.
Cheapest drinks downtown $5 house Martinis
$3 Bud or Budlight.

A CaliJamaican endorsed event!

Thanks for the tennis T!

It was fun playing you!

Damn you Kinkos!

So I just had passport shots done at kinkos and the cost for 4 photos was a couple cents shy of $20...? Damn those over-priced bastards.

Thanks Mama Maria

The dinner last night was great...I will be jogging for weeks to burn that off.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Dakota Fanning

Gotta agree with my peeps she is a little bit creepy...

Friday, August 12, 2005

Over

So work is finally over and as usual I raced the co-associate home again and as usual BEAT her. It feels so damn good to be done for a bit and as a parting present the workplace hooked us up with tickets to Qualcomm to the exec suite to watch UCLA v SDSU for the season opener (sponsored by SONY). If you suddenly see a half-crazed black guy streaking the field y'all will know that the Cali-J has gone mad from being back around co-workers. My time at work was great can't complain but it's also great to be heading back into USD to meet up with the ole school peeps. Like I did for the class schedule period I will throw up a post with advice to incoming peeps and hopefully y'all will hit it up with advice for the incoming peeps to help them transition from free peeps to slaves...(is that PC?)

Last Day at work...

IMPOSSIBLE TO FOCUS!!!!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINH!

Hey you survived me, you can survive anything.

Wow she sucks at that...(or blows at it)

Yes, yes I know a bit of grade school humor but seriously since so many peeps have sent this to me I just had to post it.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Lappy is back!

Finally got my laptop back from the service technicians. If I can offer one word of advice to persons purchasing new laptops for the school year...Make sure to register your laptop with the manufacturer. Also get the warranty directly from the manufacturer like I did (it's cheaper than Best buy and circuit city) Great thing about it too is that they replace things most times rather than fix or have to send it somewhere else since they make it. So far this year I have had my system board replaced, received a new battery, had my speakers replaced, had the fan changed and the entire system cleaned both physically and internally (damn viruses) all for free. Trust me get the warranty it's worth it electronics are not like they used to be, nothing is made to last forever like the old days.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

De La Soul will be here Aug 22

Cali-J and the mini crew will be rolling out to enjoy hopefully a great night of music.

Bush v Bush Madden 2006

If you want to see the Madden promo featuring Governor Bush running over his brother President Bush in the latest version of Madden 2006...Click here!

Monday, August 08, 2005

How sick is Madden 2006

Did I really just see that on sportscenter? There is an option to have President Bush play against Jeb Bush?

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Big question from street scene...

Did Fergie (of Black Eyed Peas) pee herself or not?



5-O

Guy passes out in liquor store and six cop cars a fire truck plus an ambulance show up? And now at 3am my car is blocked in at the restaurant

Friday, August 05, 2005

Sanctioned beer pong!!!!! BD you would be in heaven

Heard it on the radio so had to check it out: Looks like there is actually a Sanctioned Beer Pong tournament? Site has some funny pics.

I much prefer this fake article though since it makes fun of Loyola and the world needs more of that.

Criminals are essentially dumb!

Imagine if I told you this: So a guy walks into a bank and hands the teller a note that says "Hi, I am Thomas Mason." And on the note it demands $1,000 with the threat that he would "kill everyone in the bank if he had to come back with weapon in hand." The guy gets the money and then crosses the street to the local grocery store in full view of the bank employees. What if he wasn’t found by the cops when they searched the grocery store but was found close by it drinking beer from a case he had just purchased from the liquor store he was behind while scratching off a $100 worth of lottery tickets he’d just purchased. And what if when the cops approached, the guy volunteers this info "I think I am the guy you want." You would probably think I am telling a joke or lying off my ass, but nope, some criminals are just that dumb and this guy in Winona is one of them.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Wow

A Co worker just told me about this story from Britain so I had to share it just click on the pic to enlarge...

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Will Martha ever learn?

So now her home confinement has been extended for 3 more weeks and honestly I find it damn funny. The things she has tried/claimed while in confinement would cause most peeps to end up back in the big house. So screw her for whining that the ankle monitor chaffs etc and screw her for riding ATV’s and attending yoga class while she is supposed to be on house arrest. The woman made so much damn money while in prison she should never complain about a single thing ever again in her life.

102 Fever...no problem!

Ah yes the legal field is the battle field of the devil. The onsite nurse at work has just informed me that I have a fever of 102 and my response was…”You can’t force me to leave work can you?” Her response “No but I seriously think you should see the doctor and go home to rest.” My response “So If I walked out of here after taking some of your Tylenol or whatever my fever could possibly go down and you can’t tell my boss anything right?” Her “Yes, but…” Me interrupting “Nothing right?” She reluctantly “Yes though I think you need to take care this could be bad” Me “What is bad is the amount of bloody work I have to do. Thanks for all your help, I will take a couple of those pills, I will lie down in my office for a bit [blatant lie] and then if feeling worse I will go home, otherwise I can’t risk leaving.”

Now see this is how much my current life sucks, because I have sold my corporate soul I am forced to work on a day when my right ear has a ringing sound, none of my muscles feel like they are a part of my body I have a fever that at 2 degrees lower 10 years ago I would have been crying “MOM” yet now I have to look at the nurse through hazy eyes and act all brave. Why couldn’t she at least have been cute?

Mini tangent: What happened to all the cute nurses that I used to see when I was a teenager? Back in the day I always wanted to get with a nurse, now that I am older the quality has severely declined or is it that because now I only see a nurse if I am really, really sick I don’t have time to appreciate them.

Damn you body for betraying me; I thought all those years of drinking, lack of sleep, chasing women and risky behavior would have conditioned you to go through anything…we can do this just another 7 more hours at work and we can go home to get a shot to chase the pills with.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

If it aint white it aint right...at least in East Texas

Party Reminder
This Friday Galileo 101 (downtown SD) the all white party or as close to that as u can get…Free to all USD peeps incoming/current/past.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Is it stress...

So after walking the 1/10 of a mile to the blood pressure machine while thinking about the latest work assignment I had received my BP was 139/74. After resting a minute but still stressing re the assignment the pressure dropped to 128/71, after finally calming down but unable to shake the assignment from my mind my BP went down to 118/64, hmmm maybe the legal field really is stressful…or I am just out of shape enough that the walk would spike my typically low BP. Anyway go get checked peeps High Blood Pressure is a silent killer, you shouldn’t put your trust in the drug store testing machines but if you can not get to a doctor’s office they are a decent guide to keep you on the path to good health.

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About Me

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.