Infrequently updated consistently funny

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas...

I hope that everyone had a great day and that you are all suitably stuffed and enjoyed your selves.

RIP to the Godfather of Soul – James Brown

Friday, December 15, 2006

It is good to be back in the Island

This place would be paradise if it was not for the fact that half of my friends are afraid to venture out of their homes at night...

Also what is up with us having a Malaria outbreak? The region had not seen malaria for 50 years and all of a sudden it is back like a hurricane? I blame the tourists (no seriously I do, apparently it has been traced back to some visitors to the island)

To my American friends I can receive text messages on my US phone I just cannot send them so if you have something to tell me just send me a text and I will call you back.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

On the 1st day of Christmas

The Cali - J flew into Jamaica

I guess today is actually the first day of Christmas if you subscribe to the 12 days of Chrismas theory.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Just a few blurbs as the holiday season aproaches

A new Texas bill might make it legal for the blind to hunt. For some reason it feels rather scary...probably because of the fact that I see images of blind gun toting persons going around with laser scopes.

Ah Reindeer hot dogs - Seems like more of a gimmick than substance since they are supplimented with beef and pork.

It is funny to me (sad re her getting a DUI) that the Nicole Richie DUI mug shot is probably one of the best pictures I have seen of her in the last four years. And as Hollywood mug shots tend to go - this is definitely one of the better looking ones...The weight she told police officers is scary 85lbs at 5 foot 1.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Indian Men are TOO SMALL on average for CONDOMS

I know this is horrible, but this story made me laugh!

I did not know it was possible to be too small for a condom - I mean I had heard of isolated cases but not something this wide spread, crunching the numbers based on that article means that 90% NINETY PERCENT of the men in the Indian financial district of Mumbai are between 1-2 inches TOO SMALL for condoms. Something tells me I should proof read this but I am laughing too hard!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Wow Mary J sounded awful

You know this year might have been the year that Mary J. Blige made “The Breakthrough” but I saw an old episode of her appearing on the Jamie Foxx show and she sounded HORRIBLE. At first I thought I was being harsh but the episode that she was in featured her singing as well as Ron Isley, Jamie and a gospel choir and she was consistently out sung by those around her.

It is funny to remember that for a while the best thing on Mary’s resume (and many still think it is still the best thing) was her cameo on Method Man’s “Your all that I need”. For ages she was just another R & B singer on the cusp. Supposedly talented but never letting her talent show through, then came 2005 and the transformation, new look, new body, new passion. Hard work definitely shines through and will always help you to improve no matter how good you already think you are.

I am sure getting clean of the drugs did not hurt either. Yay might be fun to say, but damn it messes up relationships and ruins careers. It is crazy to me that a drug that powerful is still thought of as an ok recreational drug by so many in the entertainment business. Mary J. in an interview spoke about yay leading her to cigarettes because after doing yay she needed something to calm her back down – but then of course the drugs and the boozing started to affect her singing.

By the way not saying that Mary had not had a successful career prior to ‘The Breakthrough’ in fact she had 6 platinum albums, but this one just sounds better and seeing the contrast between it and how she sounded on the Jamie Foxx show just struck me.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Acting like a tourist...and a scary woman

In exactly one week I will be returning to my home land and I think I am going to act like a tourist for a bit. Already have plans to ride ATVs all over Rose Hall estates, too hard to pass up a four hour ATV tour at a price that I would pay for 2 hours in San Diego.

This is one scary lady

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Ah Monday night winding down - It has been a long week already

If I was an autograph seeker I would be in the best city of the world. Thankfully I do not seek autographs. The last time I went after one for myself was the year Jamaica made it to the World Cup and if you follow football you will know that that was a long time ago and if you know me at all you will realize that I was young.

The last time I sought an autograph was while I was still living in Texas and sought an autograph for a friend from Kevin Spacey, and no it was not one of the “I have a friend” lies it truly was for a friend because she was not able to come out the night we went to a posh bar in Austin and so I got Mr. Spacey’s autograph for her with her name and everything in his handwriting.

Anyway I am talking about autographs because my boy and I went out for a Monday evening drink – He because he worked late (11pm) I because I was tired of setting up material for tutoring tomorrow and because it has been a stressful past 2 days. We live in a town that is always popping (probably a bad thing knowing our personalities) so finding a spot to hit up is never a problem.

We hit up a spot that was described by Zagat as having a “Two-to-one women-to-men” ratio so of course we had to check it out it was also described as a place for “hipsters and beautiful people” I fit none of those categories but the words no cover definitely fit my category so I was easily talked into going by my friend with his highly persuasive argument of “hey do you want to hit that bar up?” How could I say no to such oratory?

So we rolled out drank with the beautiful (it was a bit short on the beautiful, since the hottest chicks we saw tonight appeared to be surgically attached to some guys that we were definitely better than) and the hip, including peeps like Jeffrey Ross, Doug Benson and a guy who if he is not Chris Daughtry does the best Daughtry impersonation ever (looks like it worked since 2 chicks were acting the fool around him all night while he lounged).

Damn it I need to start working out harder and pretending that I play for some sports team cause apparently connections are everything in this town. If I was 4 inches taller I would claim that I played guard for the Clippers, I would say Lakers but everyone knows the Lakers in this town, the clips so far have not had their bandwagon too weighed down with ‘fans’ yet!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

An apology...

Sometimes you do something in life and it shocks you as to how mean you can be. I have very rarely thought of myself as a mean person and rarely try to actually hurt those around me.

Sadly though, recently I have done that, and I have risen to a level of attack that was beneath me, but was born of my frustrations at things around me.

A blog was created ( that outlined the actions of the room-mate of a fictional character Diggity Dogg. Though the real names of the main characters were never used and instead pseudonyms (MR and FR) were used, the creation of the blog caused pain to persons in the real world.

The blog has been deleted because it was the right thing to do and not out of fear of repercussions. I will not list the persons that were hurt because to do so would defeat the purpose of the blog which was to create a port for venting while creating a fun and easy to read site.

Distilling anyone’s life down to just their worst moments or mistakes can lead to an interesting read, but it can create the impression that the bad things are the only features of the person. Even the title of the blog which at the time I thought was funny may have led to bad impressions: Though part of the title was chosen due to FR’s love at the time of the song “Crazy” without someone having that in depth knowledge the blog would merely have come across as a room-mate is insane.

There is much regret that the blog was created, because no one wants to hurt people that they consider friends. Even while writing I thought that it would be amusing since I was once told “You can write anything about me as long as you never mention me by name” but removed from the situation and looking back at it dispassionately I can realize that it was mean.

I never intended to make anyone sad, but I know I did and thus I can only say “I am sorry”, I truly am because though one will always make fun of friends, you do not want your friends to feel bad about themselves because of your jests.

Diggity Dogg

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Props to my boy Peter and His UCLA Bruins

Way to pull off the stunner!

There went my shot at a Playboy model

So my boy DG and I went to a Playboy model’s calendar release event at a Club in West Ho. Problem is we never actually entered the club. Not because we were denied entry, not because we could not afford to get in and not because we changed our mind about going out but because while waiting in line we observed not one not two but a disturbing number of ugly chicks.

Now before anyone gets on me with the: “Beauty is only skin deep” or “That is not the way to look at people” or the even lamer “They might have been good people” I say half of attraction is attractiveness. I was once accused by a young lady of putting too much stock in physical attractiveness and then I observed that young lady one night at a club arguing with her friend that she should get “The cute one because I saw him first”

I am sure all those young ladies were potentially nice people. But when I am looking to view some eye candy, I would rather get a handful of skittles than a bunch of rock candy. It was incredible for a West Ho event there was not a single hot chick and we saw dozens of girls. In fact there was not even a mildly attractive girl in the line. And of course since it was a Playboy model event there were more than the average number of guys. So that made the situation untenable. It was bad enough that the chick to guy ratio was low, but to throw in the ratio of ugly chick to guy ratio and that was just impossible to stand. It would be like taking your white girlfriend to dinner at OJ’s sure you might potentially have a good meal, but all night you would be uncomfortable.

Many of my friends and even I have touched on it...when heading to a ‘black’ event the chances of seeing a certain type of young lady are greatly enhanced. I will not touch on that weighty issue right now, but my colleagues (especially those who were at the Lupe Fiasco show) will understand. It never fails if there is a high chance of black guys a certain type of female will be definitely in attendance taking up space.

I enjoy rolling with DG to many of these events and clubs, since so many of these places are the complete opposite of San Diego. Many a night in SD, DG and I would roll out and I would be in the significant minority. Tonight DG’s words in one of the lines we were in: “Am I the only white guy here tonight?” I was able to point out only one other pale fellow and DG appeared to dismiss him as a member of the race.

There was a bonus to tonight though - I came home early and ‘accidentally’ booked a flight to Jamaica...I wanted to go Air J told me they were sold out I decided to test out a site that I know for fares the deal looked so damn good that I had to book it. But more on that later. I am off to watch Ugly Betty via my laptop. I love technology.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.