Infrequently updated consistently funny

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Big ups DAD!

Wow, I now have to research my own father online, after I was told that he now has the #3 rated radio program in Jamaica. That’s awesome ole man but like you always used to say to me when I brought grades home “ok, so you are #3, why did u let 2 others get ahead of you?” Anyway this is part of his bio I pulled from the radio stations website:
About the Host: For over 25 years psychologist Dr Dumas has been offering advice to numerous Jamaicans …his column…is now the most widely read column in any of the island's newspapers… He is also the island's first government appointed marriage counselor.
There is some other stuff that I don’t want public. Anyway once again congrats DAD, now give me a shout out on the radio.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Only ugly women from now on!

Strictly ugly women with unfit bodies for me from now on: No I am not crazy I swear it’s just that recently I got that fever. Some of you might know what I am talking about. I find myself missing attractive women intensely. No one in all honesty looks back in their life and misses an ugly woman for aesthetic purposes (you might miss her personality) but I cant parade personality around on my arm can I. Am I shallow? Definitely…is this how I always am? No, but, recently I have been in conversations with some very attractive females and I find that I miss them. Women to me are the most prized thing that I can acquire, a good woman is to be prized more than an Olympic gold. I say acquire, not because I think of women as objects (except of course when we go out, I need to know that my girl looks good on my arm) but acquire because, I want to hold on to her, to have something tangible that I can enjoy. Too often what we have is fleeting girl! I cannot compete with so many of the southern cal guys in the fact that I have no money that is no secret: what I run with is potential. Course potential does not put food in a woman’s mouth or baguettes on her wrist but it does put me in the maybe pile, but I digress. Recently I have been fiending for a good woman a woman, who has the body, the looks and the attitude. Yes attitude is important, I am sarcastic and I cant have u mad at me every time I say something. Please don’t cry too often either, because tears are my kryptonite. I cannot fight with a woman who is crying. So back to the first line, I need to stick to ugly women, they at least I can handle and at least when its all over I will not be looking back with fond memories and wonder if I’m missing her, at least with an ugly woman when I get the fever I will know its not for her.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Wake up

I was so tempted to sign my friends up for the target wake up call to shop: after all Im up when the shopping frenzy starts other peeps should be too.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

You know u want the clap!

I really need to get a clapper, every year they advertise it around thanksgiving and every year I think man that will save me walking 3 feet to turn a light of, so this year I have to get it.


I say turkeyday since for most peeps its just a day to gorge themselves, plus I dont have that traditional attachment that other peeps might have. That was a really nice thing u did for that guy tonight Jess, kindness is always rewarded. If the FCC is so bloody concerned with keeping us safe and cleaning up our TV programming, Y cant they get rid of all the old navy ads about sweaters and the new set of Levi's ads? Once again I'm taking on all DDR challengers.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I am the KING OF DDR

Anyone who thinks differently is either a liar or actually saw my performance on the mat last night. I will take on all challengers.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004


I was holding off on posting this since the official letter has not been sent out, but, I cant hold it in any longer. WHAT? How can OUR law school not have alcohol? It is what makes so many miserable functions bearable. Its the reason to go to a Dean's kegger. Its what makes certain classes better. Its what makes talking to some of those lame asses from other sections better. If they are not drunk half the peeps in this law school annoy me, and another 1/4 amuse me. Im not saying lawyers are alcoholics, but without us budweiser would be a mom and pop shop. We built this country on alcohol. DO you think some of our countries great documents were written sober? If you ever want to see how removing alcohol affects the law go look at historical accounts of Prohibition, that worked out really well for us. Yes I know I may be running into the crowd and throwing punches wildly on this one, but I am passionate about my libations!

Ah the joys of thanksgiving!

What am I thankful for? For health, strength, blah blah blah blah blah. Lets keep it real. Im thankful that I despite my best efforts I still manage to remain in law school. I am thankful that I know good peeps and most of all I am thankful for the after thanksgiving day sales. I am a poor law student so let me keep it real...If you expect a gift from me this year, I hope you like Walmart because thats my store of choice, let other rich suckers go to the mall, this country boy from Texas (and the ghettos of suburbia) will be going cheap this year. I love yall, I just cant afford yall. SO for the story du jour: the guy who went nuts in the deer stand in Wisconsin and killed 6 claims that he was shot at and responded in kind. The whole story seems weird to main thing on this is that I am shocked this sort of thing has not happened before. How comes more peeps have not shot each other while hunting. I remember some of my friends from Texas who used to go drinking and hunting, if I had heard that one of them had shot someone I would never have expressed shock. Oh well maybe Im just a cynic.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Desperate Housewives!

So, I have to say that this show is pretty damn funny/interesting and one step away from destroying the family fabric. According to the peeps who do TV stats the shows audience is 40% male which is an extremely high percentage for a show of that type but the show is funny and well written and there is at least one or 2 characters on that show that most peeps know someone like. Anyway, the promo for the show last week on MNF generated massive controversy and would prolly still be talked about on ESPN if the brawl had not occured. So if you dont know; the promo featured a star from the show in a towel in the eagles locker room seducing T.O. the spot ends with her dropping the towel and jumping into T.O.'s arms. All that can be seen of her nudity is her back, not even the 3/4s of the buttocks that the FCC allows you to show. There was massive uproar that the spot was inappropriate and that kids would be harmed etc. Hogwash, no kids were harmed by that spot; kids that would have been harmed should not have been up anyway to be watching MNF and to be honest most kids would not have understood the promo anyway. The ad was no worse than the beer ads that can be seen on a regular basis with women rolling around in bras and panties fighting over the taste of beer (isnt that a worse message to send).
Now Tony Dungy (Coach of the colts) said that he found the ad to be racially offensive and taking us back to the bad days when black men were seen as sexual predators who made no committments and seduced women etc. Correction coach in the ad the WHITE woman seduced the BLACK man. I loved the ad, the radial implications of it did not hit me till u said them, and u know what I still dont see yours what I do see is an improvement, I saw something that 35 years ago when MNF debuted would never have been shown on TV, I saw a society that has evolved enough to allow a black man to be seen on TV hugging a naked white woman. I saw a funny ad and I never at any point saw it as a black man w/ a white woman thing until u dragged that out of no where and completely destroyed what was just a fun cross promotion. The name of the show is Desperate Housewives, the ladies are sex crazed hence she jumps a man in a locker room, relax and enjoy a new America. We have evolved.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

My bad

Sorry my dear: HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY wishes Zandra!

Early on one belated on the other

Happy Birthday Sonia, and Happy Birthday Brian.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Fans got their just deserts!

So The Palace at Auburn Hills tonight became amateur fight night and you know what? It was beautiful. I love the fact that the NBA players cold clocked some of those obnoxious fans. Anyone who tells me that the players were wrong for jumping into the stands is not thinking rationally. You play basketball for two hours in a hostile arena with adrenalin pumping and then get hit by a beer and not react? Those fans were idiots and deserve every punch they received. You do not ever throw a drink in another persons face and expect to walk away without repurcussions - I dont care if its water or beer. Hell that fan that ran onto the court near the end of the fight and tried to square with Ron Artest is lucky that he is still alive, your chubby ass looks like your 5ft,2inches facing up with a man that is paid to be an enforcer on the court and is over 6ft 8 in tall I almost wish he had put your dumb ass in a coma (thought that would have been more trouble than its worth). Seriously though it was so damn satisfying to see some of those "fans" take solid punches right to the face. If your a fan then treat the players with at least some respect, if you cant do that much sit your stupid ass at home and watch on TV.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Random Musings

- Francesca is not hot enough to ruin a room-mate friendship
- Ice cream is more addictive than crack
- Careful what u tell a girlfriend she may someday be an ex-girlfriend
- If you’re a superstar with body-guards and an entourage you an idiot for carrying a knife with you to an awards show.
- I disagree with you my friend: just jumping in, in defense of Dr. Dre will not get him off on a ‘defense of others’ defense, you cant meet a punch with a knife stab.
- Ads on TV have deteriorated into mind numbing drivel – what happened to the day when Jack in the Box guaranteed good ads
- Ok, ok Beer ads are still funny, but they need to run more spots featuring Leon
- Just cause a ho don’t charge don’t mean she aint a ho- If you are giving shout outs to a jail not even to an inmate but to the whole jail you are seriously wrapped up in the prison mentality.
- What’s so wrong with clubbing baby seals? Why is that the standard for cruelty and wickedness: If the adults are fair game Y not catch them while they are young? Is it so much better to let the same object of your attention take up resources only for u to club it later in life?
- If you bomb an abortion clinic and kill doctors because your an anti abortionist, you are even worse than the people you despise. It would have been better you were not born.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Happy Birthday girls...

To my young cousin (you cant drink yet but hang in there) and Maryam, the package is in the mail box (guard it with your life on the trip - praise Allah).

Ol D. B. is Dead!

Another musician taken from us at a young age. O.D.B. was famous for the great line "Me and Mariah, go back like babies with pacifiers" But dont forget classics like "Baby I got your money" Was Ol DB crazy? Clearly! But the man could make u laugh and dance and forget the dozen illegitimate children he had or the fact that he went to pick up a welfare check while riding in a limo with MTV cameras. The man had flavour and that was special. Course since he died in a record studio I expect him to join the long list of artists that have released hits after death: Biggie, Pac, Big L, Elvis, Aliyah, Roy Orbison and the great Robert Nesta Marley. Nothing like death to help a singer go platinum.


Thats right! So it was close and we scored with only 11 seconds left but we did it and thats all that matters. BCS contenders and if you dont like us CHOKE ON THAT!

Friday, November 12, 2004

A weird night in the club

So Thurs nite bar review was a lil weird so in keeping with the weirdness of the whole thing I will transmit how the night went using song lyrics. And since Im a good lil law student I will give attribution for the lyrics to the singers. (I have no clue who the writers were.)
“And if you don’t know now you know” Biggie
“What have you done to me, I can’t eat, I cannot sleep and I’m not the same anymore” Anita Baker
“Now everybody in the club getting tipsy JKwon
“Yup that Bia is fine, damn that Bia is fine” Jackie-O
“Mija I love the way your ass looks in them Levis” Guerilla Black
“Tell your friend to get their friends and we can all be friends” Biggie (prompts a really ugly look)
“That love to get her _licked, by another chic cause I aint drunk enough to do that” Petey Pablo (clean)
“Turn me on turn me on” Kevin Lyttle
“Bend over to the front touch your toes back that ass up and down and get low” Lil jon
“Bitch shut the f- up” Camron
“Knuck if you buck” Crime mob
“The more drinks in the system the harder the fight” Ludacris
(On the phone) “You can’t deny it” Fabulous
“She's callin me on my phone Tellin me, she's feelin freaky” Play-n-Skillz (response to a question)
“Cocky is something that I just cant help” Clipse
“Your all I need to get by” Method Man
“You down with OPP? Yeh you know me!” Naughty by nature
“Baby can you stand the rain?” New Edition
(watching the cops pull a kid over) Fu@k the police NWA

Thursday, November 11, 2004


I have got to fight my urges, I told a friend about some of my urges and it spurred a no comment and when that friend has nothing to say that is an amazing occurence, am I such a bad person? Just saw another anti smoking ad: I dont smoke but I dont know anyone that those ads have put off smoking. In fact those ads appear so annoying to me that if I were ever intrigued by smoking I would take a puff or 2 just because those ads hit me the wrong way. Everyone who smokes nowadays knows the danger of smoking its just a waste of funds and a break of my viewing pleasure to run these ads, put that money to good purposes like figuring out how to make the ice cream that I love fat free and still taste the same that would be a good use of funds.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004


My LiveSTRONG yellow wristband broke, right through the letters S &T of strong...this is despite the fact that I cared for it and did not get it wet etc oh well...I need a new one (Hint hint wristband provider). Final bit of irony that occured this morning: as I came up the 80 steps cut into the hill to school from my place I spotted a guy smoking and drinking diet coke as he huffed his way up the was cracking me up to see how winded he appeared to be yet was determined to keep puffing, it was totally hilarious for me until I hit step 67 or so and became winded myself. Those damn steps are hellish if I didnt need to lose weight I would drive to school and yes I know its lazy to say that especially since I live 3 mins away via foot.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Hook 'em

Someone needs to tell the announcers at TBS that there are 2 halves to a football game: At 35-7 w/ OSU up the announcer prcatically declared the game over and gave it to OSU...good thing the Horns didnt listen to him. Texas ripped off 49 straight points to show the world that there is at least one team from Ok that we can beat. Cedric Benson is a monster 5TDs u cant stop the kid. My bad...I knew you were busy and stressed and yet I still called that was not good of me, sometimes we dont think about what our peeps are up to when we decide that we want to talk to them or give them gifts etc. Crazy weekend: one night at a country bar next night at a surfer bar who knows 2nite I might go to a library. Earlier today was a weird weird moment when I really really missed my ex even though she did me wrong...oh well cant always explain emotions can we?

Thursday, November 04, 2004


DEATH TO THAT SKANK HO: I dont believe in hitting women but my roomie and I agree this is a case where it can and should be done. A woman cut of over 80% of her man's penis and then refused to tell him where she put it...she is now on the run and cops believe she is heading back to El Salvador (possibly with the penis still in her possession). Here is what makes this story so much worse: she accused him of cheating so she chopped his dick, but she herself while living with this guy is legally married back in El Salvador so she herself is cheating and of the worst kind breaking the sanctity of marriage. But clip all that there is never a reason to chop a man's vital organ; let me be honest I really think that seeing someone come at that part of my anatomy might cause me to hit a woman and let me reiterate I do not believe in hitting women but how can u argue with swinging on her if she tries to chop the legend maker. Its not right if someone is cheating leave them hit them do something but dont cut the lifegiver.
NEVER HIT A WOMAN...and yeah yeah we all know...shake her!

BUSH is Back!

But only in government...(You know what I'm talking about we spoke about this). So I must say I enjoy watching American politics, I know the ads get nasty and I know it divides friends and then after all that peeps tend to not know who their president is for hours but damn its funny as an observer to see. Just finished watching CNN and they are already projecting front runners for 2008 supposedly oddsmakers currently have Hilary at 5-1 and Giuliani is 7-1, McCain is also supposedly a strong canidate as well as Obama and John Edwards, but the shocker is that one of the strongest canidates is a man who cannot even run ARNOLD Schwarzenegger hope I spelt that name right. Will there be a constitutional ammendment soon or at least a push for one? What happened to the youth vote what happened to 20 million strong and VOTE OR DIE: there was so much hype and so little result: The republican strategery was correct go after the old they at least care to vote; some peeps even voted on their death beds.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Even the keyboardist from the Roots knows that I'm Rick James Beeyotch! Wonder who snuck into the pic at the last minute?
pic by soulman

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.