Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Ah the Joy of Britney Spears' Modesty!

So I was watching the NEWS and this was mentioned so I figured I had to check it out...Warning these are pictures of Britney Spears’ crotch, not full crotch shots just enough to share the fact that she scorches the earth (impressive). What is not impressive is the fact that she has taken to sharing her beaver with the world - then again the world has actively sought out the shots of Brits’ beaver.

The above links contain 2 different shots of Britney I would warn you to not open this in class but come on, if I have to warn you about that you probably should not be reading this blog!

I know I initially railed on Madonna's fitness...

But at this point would it not be better to leave the child with her? If she is even a half way decent mother it seems unfair to rip the child from it's new comfortable surroundings. My main problem was how the adoption (and reasons for the adoption) were handled now that that has already been botched this 'show' investigation leaves me just as queasy as her initial adoption.

I have never heard of any major flaws in the way she raises her biological kids - so though I think this kid will have a weird/even potentially messed up life I still think it would be better for him to stay than to be pulled out and sent by to a father that has pretty much let him go.

Of course if there is some major flaw in Madonna's parenting they should not let her have a child, but I think the bigger thing that should be investigated are all the inherent flaws in a system that allowed a rich celebrity to cut the line as if she were merely taking 20 items in the 10 items or less line.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

“Looks like somebody suffered from premature slapulation.”

Ok if you still have not checked out ‘How I met your mother’ or HIMYM if you are lazy like myself and Meatball then I can only say that you are missing out on one of the best shows on television. The show is reaching legen...wait for it dary status! NPH has so many laugh out loud zingers in that show that he is fast becoming one of my favorite TV characters ever. The best line of the season had to be delivered by one of the female leads when she and her friends were observing a youtube clip of her days as a Canadian pop singer. One of the guys asked “This video was in 1994 why does it look like the 80's?” Robin’s response: “The 80's did not come to Canada until like 1993"

Sample Lyrics from

“There’s this boy I like.
Met him at the food court.
He’s got hair like Gretzsky
And he does jumps on his skateboard.
I hope he asks me out.
Takes me to my favorite spot.
It’ll be just him and me.
(But don’t forget the robot.)

Dad says I’m too young to date
But baby I don’t want to wait.
That’s OK, I’m gonna rock your body anyway.
I’m gonna rock your body till Canada Day.”

I am actually sitting here with tears streaming down my face because I just watched the 2 episodes that I have tivoed back to back...Wayne Brady’s guest appearance tonight was stellar and the ‘Let’s go to the mall’ episode is just amazing.

I fear that the true humor of this all will not come out in just this short clip but you have to watch this video of my new favorite pop star Robin Sparkles

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all

No secret what I have to be thankful for this year!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Go see the new Bond film: Casino Royale

I saw the new Bond film tonight with my bro. I have seen every single Bond film ever made and I have to say I think this is one of the better Bond films. It has removed the cheesiness of many of the former films while keeping some of the ‘classic’ Bond lines.

Be prepared for a couple jump out of your seat moments. The violence level has been escalated in this film over the other films. And they have created a much more ruthless Bond. Much has been made of the fact that Bond is now blonde – I say “So?” The character is based on his charm/ability to kill without remorse/ and ability to bed multiple women. Let’s be honest, if Timothy Dalton can be a Bond, pretty much anyone can be a Bond.

If you’re a fan of the franchise you will not be disappointed in this film and if you have never seen a Bond movie this would be a great introduction to the franchise. As always Dame Judi Dench is stellar and a scene stealer and captivates the audience when she speaks. There is the usual crazy looking Bond villain with a slight quirk or anatomical defect, but definitely cold hearted.

Again – just go see it: I hate when reviewers spoil movies when trying to give a good review and in truth to give a good review many times you have to reveal things about the movie so I will not give you a good review and rather call it a recommendation…and if you insist on believing that something of the movie must be revealed, here goes – Bond kills people.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A Picture Share!

Current speed on the highway and it is not even 4pm yet!

Monday, November 20, 2006

I bet you wish people still thought of you as Kramer - you racist bastard

"The camera started rolling just as Richards began his attack, screaming at one of the men, "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f***ing fork up your ass."

Richards continued, "You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherf**ker. Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!"

Michael Richards better known as ‘Kramer from Seinfeld’ unleashed a horribly racist rant at the Laugh Factory just down the street from me. Richards’ decided to let the whole world in on the fact that he is a bigoted idiot by cursing at audience members and refusing to quit even after being reprimanded by the audience. Watch the video and note just how long he keeps up his disgusting tirade. Sadly I think the racial divide in our country is widening and not narrowing.

Bet the rest of the Seinfeld cast will start to distance themselves more and more from Richards as days go by. I still wonder about all these shows that are set in major metropolitan cities and have no persons of color (any color) in them. Everyone knows about the lack of the ‘black friends’ in ‘Friends’ but the white wash is in so many other programs.

It would not bother me that there are no black faces in shows if incidents like the Richards’ incident did not keep cropping up. Or the fact that the last few days I have gone walking in Hollywood and actually watched the difference in cops pulling over people in my neighborhood. There was a cop posted up on a side street just off Hollywood Blvd. A car with 2 young black men pulled up and was pulled over and they were ordered out, and told to spread them and the works…search demanded…where are you going…I wanted to run up screaming “I’m a lawyer, do not do this” I watched a white car get pulled over and the difference was amazing.

Does racism exist? Yes. Is it much more pervasive than most want to admit? I think the answer is definitely YES!

The night results came out!

I think you can guess what our results were from the look on my face!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Bar results are finally out...Good luck to all!

I learned basic math tonight: Bar results plus a clique equals multiple stiff drinks almost half a bottle of champagne and a bunch of passed out friends. Sadly for the insomniac that does not get drunk it also means late night blogging and the intense desire to take pictures of your passed out friends. Ok who am I kidding if you know me you know that it is obvious that I took pictures of my passed out friends.

Later today I will be at the CAL v USC game GO BEARS! A Cal win would only serve to improve this weekend!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I found another fun filled round of in class blogging - not for the squeamish or overly PC!

This was originally the addendum I had planned to do more editing to it then realized that I am lazy and that to appreciate its true nature it has to remain in its raw form. After reading through it I can see why I hesitated to post it the first time.

DAR-KER (2:45:36 PM): I have a question
DAR-KEY(2:45:40 PM): shoot
DAR-KER (2:45:50 PM): how many buttons is a law prof allowed to open?DAR-KEY(2:46:14 PM): i can't see her midriff... who's closest?
WHY-T (2:46:41 PM): i think she is rocking old person i just got back from riding horsee high as waste pants
DAR-KER (2:46:59 PM): from LY-TER: yeah i'm looking. Does CH know wut cleavage is?
DAR-KEY(2:47:52 PM): leaning againt the podium... woo!
C25 (2:49:28 PM): dude, she skipped me, this is not good
WHY-T (2:49:42 PM): i dont think she is racktackular enough to have cleavage
DAR-KER (2:50:55 PM): that kid ALWAYS volunteers does he know that it’s anonymous grading?
DAR-KEY(2:51:18 PM): he's working on push points the suck up brown noser!
DAR-KER (2:51:29 PM): is that camel toe?
WHY-T (2:51:37 PM): booyeah
DAR-KER (2:52:29 PM): she keeps playing with her collar
WHY-T (2:52:36 PM): she wants to pop it
DAR-KER (2:52:45 PM): she is looking right at me
WHY-T (2:52:50 PM): no way she is looking at me
DAR-KEY(2:52:59 PM): no, at me!
WHY-T (2:53:02 PM): she loves tall lanky white kids
DAR-KEY(2:53:03 PM): i'm the tall dark and handsome one!
DAR-KER (2:53:11 PM): lean over
DAR-KER (2:53:12 PM): DO IT
DAR-KEY(2:53:16 PM): she's so close she wants to so badly
WHY-T (2:53:41 PM): you should just go up and hug her after class
DAR-KER (2:55:26 PM): (LY-TER: r u guys still mekkin fun of her): do we ever stop?
WHY-T (2:58:48 PM): Am i the only one who was offered sex in the stacks by 2 different ladies in this law school in a 2 day timespan?
DAR-KEY(2:58:57 PM): did you accept?
WHY-T (2:59:13 PM): i wasnt sure if that was an honor code violation
DAR-KER (2:59:18 PM): nope
DAR-KER (2:59:25 PM): u nasty bastard
WHY-T (2:59:29 PM): i mean turning it down
WHY-T (3:00:08 PM): didnt someone get caught doing that a couple of years ago?
Check current edition of Motions for more on LRC sex
WHY-T (3:03:46 PM): i love how this class has stopped being a classs but more an opportunity to chat online
At this point the convo disintegrated into material so raunchy I couldn’t even edit it into a form that could be used but it led to this exchange...
WHY-T (3:10:14 PM): so who is more milf
DAR-KER (3:10:22 PM): the other one (panel Lady)
WHY-T (3:10:24 PM): panel lady or the horse rider
DAR-KEY(3:10:25 PM): i think the darkie last thursday is hotter
DAR-KER (3:10:30 PM): because I at least can listen to her
DAR-KER (3:10:37 PM): did u just say darkie?
DAR-KEY(3:11:30 PM): it's the darkie vs. the Jew for best milf of the year!
DAR-KER (3:11:38 PM): oh man
DAR-KER (3:11:44 PM): you are going to hell
DAR-KEY(3:11:48 PM): i know, on the fast track

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

In Living color debuts...

Currently watching the first episode of ‘In Living Color’ that had J-Lo: I did not realize that her appearance was the first appearance of Jamie Foxx as well as the first time that Sean Wayans stepped down from the DJ booth and joined the regular cast. It all makes that Jamie joke re J-lo “I knew J-lo when she was just: Hey ho” even funnier to me.

Man this was such a good show – Fox messed up canceling this show, but then again they also cancelled Family guy for awhile and many other shows that they later regretted.

Ok back to watching a million Wayans pass through this show!

There was also the appearance of Damien Wayans who would later do ‘Malibu’s most wanted’ (a highly under-rated movie) and be a writer on ‘My Wife and Kids’

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Happy Birthday...


Wow..another one

Gentlemen and lady of the inclass blogs. I have found another in class blog from the 'good ole days' and as usual I need your permission before posting. It is probably as bad and as crude as the one from a few weeks ago!

The fight we have been waiting for is here...

No not the battle between Paris Hilton and talent. Finally Mayweather v De La Hoya has been signed

Monday, November 13, 2006

Andy Griffith sues Andy Griffith

This definitely comes in under the ‘if you do this you better win’ category. Looking at the case docket must be awesome ‘Andy Griffith v Andy Griffith’. That guy is definitely a loser in life and in the election.

[I love when he said this “For such an American icon, it’s a pretty un-American thing to do to me,” said Griffith, who has about three weeks to respond to the filing.]
--Actually Mr. Fake Griffith in today’s society it is a pretty American thing to do – everyone sues everyone nowadays and half the time not for something as serious as turning someone’s name into the name of a loser.

The Lupe Fiasco show was a Fiasco!

I know too blatant and easy a pun, but sadly it is true. The ticket said “Show starts at 9pm” however Lupe did not take the stage until 12:30 and was off by 1:30. Prior to Lupe ‘blessing’ the stage we were all privileged to witness the second lowest point in hip-hop (could not be the lowest point since it was not a K-Fed show) but damn the second opening act was so horrible I thought at some point a clown with a huge hook would show up.

The 2nd act had a group that originally had 3 guys (3 huge guys) I say originally since by the end of their performance there were 10 guys on stage and for some reason everyone seemed to have a mic when NONE of them should have had a mic. It was crazy to see a guy that was built like a linebacker doing the Roger Rabbit, the cabbage patch and the Robo-cop dances; note to rappers when half your set is revisiting 80’s dances your performance is WEAK.

This was the first concert that I have been to where people in the crowd were more interested in talking to each other than listening to the acts on stage. Once Lupe finally hit the stage his performance was decent – but much of it was lost because the crowd had lost all its momentum and the ‘hype’ was just not there.

The “Daydreams” track won back the show, but how could it not? That track has got to be one of the best of the year…check it out if you have not already heard it.

At least the slow warm up acts allowed for a great shot of Baker with the lead singer from the first band – you have to love the classic Baker goofy drinking face!

Will have to post additional pix later since our favorite 'groupie dancers' were there and I met a new LA acquaintance while hanging in San Diego!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Damn, it sold more than I expected!

Kevin Federline's CD has sold approximately 6,000 at No. 151 on The Billboard 200. (Source China Daily)

For once beatng Kami to a love Thursday...pic

It may not be the normal pix, but I know one of my friends that LOVEs this pix so that should count for something!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Sadly the dutty whine has claimed a victim...18 y. old dies doing dance

I posted a video re this dance a long time ago, but after reading Crankyputz's blog I found a story about a young girl dying from performning the dance...DAMN!

I warn you DO NOT OPEN THIS VID IN FRONT OF KIDS OR CO-WORKERS...k you have been warned (no one dies in this clip)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Finally an update...

To My Roomie is crazy - Man that Diggity Dogg has been slacking

Of dog walking, and excessively fat dogs

So I walked a dog for the first time ever in America. It was an issue of necessity since no one else was available to do it. Many people think I hate animals; that is not true (I am a zoologist after all): I hate the adjustments that come with having animals. Like if you have an apartment you have to walk the dog constantly and the poor dog has to remain cooped up while you are at work etc. When I was a kid we had tonnes of dogs but we also had an acre of land for them to roam on so it was never an issue of cleaning up behind them or worrying if they had enough space.

The dog in my condo is a 130lb Golden Retriever (note that is an obese dog) who gets so little exercise. I took the dog for the walk and started jogging to get the dog some exercise (even though I was tire from riding my bike for a couple hours) and the dog started panting before I did. As a general rule if something gets tired doing anything aerobic before I get fatigued it is unfit.

Anyway I had to pick the dog’s feces up in the plastic bag and damn that must have been an amusing sight for anyone watching. I have never walked a dog before because the thought of having to pick up after it has always disgusted me. So to pick the feces up I spread the bag over the excrement and then basically dug into the ground on both sides of it taking up a chunk of the sod with the product and then dashed to the nearest trash receptacle. Though I was no where close to touching the excrement I felt dirty for the entire rest of the walk and was just amazed (slightly disgusted) at the fact that my roomies routinely just grab the feces up with the bag as if nothing happened and would comment on the wetness or warmth of the product.

NOTE The average Golden Retriever weighs about 75lbs as per petplanet. Also check out this site that shows the average by age group – the dog in our apartment is 2 years old

Real time election updates!

The dems have taken the house! Senate race is close Republicans need 2 seats to retain the Senate. I would love to see the race end with a 50/50 split (Not sure how Sen. Lieberman will affect it all)

A Picture Share!

This huge beast is supposed to be a golden retriever

You may have heard about Faith Hill's reaction to losing last night

Here is the video. Something I had not noticed till I read some of the comments it does look like she threw her hands up thinking she had won and then reacted to the actual announcement. At first blush I thought she was kidding and spoofing Kanye - now not so sure

Here was Kanye's meltdown, I love that he says that he never saw the other video, but his has to be better

Finally she is free...for me!

Granted she now clearly has a lot of miles on her, but that does not mean she is no longer a classic...For those too lazy to click links...Britney is finally divorcing Kevin Federline aka K-Fed

Monday, November 06, 2006

Kirstie Alley shows that hard work can pay off!

She lost 75lbs to get down to this size...

Photo from

Sunday, November 05, 2006

This story is just so damn scary to me

Prison really really produces scary people...ignore the masturbation on a tree stump and look at what he had stored in his body... picture from wikipedia

Friday, November 03, 2006

Just a mid day 'pick me up' joke...thanks for the FW Becky!

Bono is at a U2 concert in Ireland when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.

Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice from near the front of the audience pierces the silence..."Fookin stop doing it then!"

Thursday, November 02, 2006

It was a great night tonight.

- Ate too much
- Drank too much bad booze
- And rolled down the strip like we owned the place
- Plus had the added joy of having my friend called a girl over the internet

So a friend of mine saw the Halloween pix and asked me: “What is the girl?” Which led to me being confused because at that moment I had not posted any pictures of girls; turns out that my friend saw a picture of one of my boys and was convinced that she was looking at a picture of a girl, In fact she is going to poll her friends tomorrow to see how many of them think that my boy looks like a girl.

That was the first hit to my boy’s ego, the second major hit occurred when we hit the bar and though he was standing up right by the bar trying to get the bartenders attention she then ignored him looked over the shoulder of the gentleman sitting beside him to ask me (in the background) what I would like to drink which led to my boy doing the ‘WTF’ stare always an awesome look in the bar,

The final hit to his ego came when she made him show id while I was ordering the drinks, despite not checking mine. Thus the night was going well, we then made sure that the night was NPH epic by ordering Pabst Blue Ribbons (the tall boy sizes), nothing says class like PBR.

To top the boozing off we requested that the bar tender design us a shot, she then took a shot with us and only charged us for one shot WE R DEFINITELY GOING BACK THERE! If she were only a little cuter I would have met my wife to be!

Found a great Thai place on Sunset, we ordered way too much food and knew we ordered too much food but we kept eating. Now we are both stuffed, my friend has passed out while playing a video game and it is not even midnight yet…ok you can’t tell that I took a break in blogging but I just had to move across the room to move my friends finger off the controller because I think he was about to put his character in danger since he passed out with his finger still on the walking button…wish I understood what this game was about!

Now that he is passed out, I think I will go check out the party they are having upstairs in the building.

Maybe this is why Halloween is so popular in West Hollywood

The joy of having your own blog is that you can make sure when posting a group of pictures of debauchery, that you carefully take out the picture that has you in it...

Money is completely wasted on these people

You paid what? For that?

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Why Flav, WHY?

Flavor flav continues to prove why he should not be a role model to anyone (even if he had one of the funniest shows on TV),26334,1553194,00.html

It has definitely been awhile since I posted information on one of my dreams:

This morning I had what can only be described as a freaky dream and no if you are looking for a freaky sex dream, this is not the blog for you (I tend not to have those much anymore – is it a sign of age, maturity or I am just so lazy that even my dreams are affected?)

If you know me well, then you will know that I have bad knees, in fact I like to joke that I have the knees of an ‘eighty year old man’ but something tells me, some octogenarians would be pissed at that joke since I sometimes have a knee give out on me while getting up off the couch.

Last night I dreamt that I went in for a knee operation (since I do not have medical insurance that would cover such an operation it at first seemed like it might be a nightmare), even in my dream I knew that the hospital/doctor was shady! I remember in the dream yelling: “I do not have any insurance” and the doctor replied: “It’s ok you won’t need any for this operation”

The doctor then began to explain the intended procedure to me, and I immediately agreed because I figured sweet “I am getting my knees back”  Then I thought for a moment at what the doc said the surgery would entail: They were going to stick what essentially looked like sharp forceps (huge tweezers to the non-scientific) into my knee, then drive them in with a hammer so that the were forced into at least an inch depth…then they were going to leave them in each knee for a period of time, so as to allow the knees to (and this is where the science gets fuzzy [I know the above looks crazy but this was the explanation the doc gave me])

“By damaging the knee so severely and leaving the forceps in, the body will be forced to make new tissue and ligaments and slowly over time it will force the forceps out and you will have healthy knees”

I FEEL FOR THAT?? If I was a weed smoker I would at this moment say “I have got to stop smoking” but I do not touch drugs and I have not had a drink in 5 days so clearly stimulants had nothing to do with it (though I guess my secret fantasy of having completely healthy knees did me in).

Thing is, even after re thinking the idea, I still accepted it. Shows how desperate I was, but not only did I accept it, I went out of my way to convince my parents and brother that it was a good thing, then went behind their backs and had the surgery because they would not let me do it.

The doc warned me that it might not be a good idea to have the surgery if I had trouble sleeping on my back because of course the forceps would be sticking out of my knees the whole time that I was in recovery, so I would have to be strapped in to a harness of some sort. So the surgery began, I was strapped in and my leg was grasped and I watched in horror as the doc positioned not a forcep but a spike over my leg then with a huge hammer the spike was driven into my leg and I started screaming…everyone in the room except the doctor and I was passing out or puking and the doctor positioned for a second spike to be driven in my other knee and at that point I yelled no way reached across the table (some how loosed from the restraints) landed a solid punch to his jaw, and woke up to find my fist buried in my pillow and sweat pouring down my body.

Some how in the night I had turned completely around in bed so that I was lying perpendicular to my starting position, and facing away from the direction that I would normally have turned in. My pillow was closer to the foot of the bed instead of the head of the bed so I guess I moved it while fighting and the mattress had shifted a little of its base.

Not sure what the dream means, but I know one thing for certain - NO EXPERIMENTAL KNEE SURGERIES FOR THIS GUY!

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.