Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Chilean Weightlifter did not know she was pregnant had kid during training

Zoology degree notwithstanding there are some things related to biology I just cannot understand. And this is one of them. How can an Olympic athlete IN TRAINING and competitions not realize she is pregnant, and not only that she gave birth while training!

I have a hard time fathoming how any woman can go so many months without knowing that she is pregnant. My neighbor did it for 7 months (still disturbing) before she finally found out, just in time to get at least some pre-natal care.

Hope fully this girls kid will eventually come around to being fully healthy. I cannot help laughing at what this trainer said "I could see she was a big girl, round and strong. That's all I noticed." –Yeah Buddy understatement right there.

By the way I love the headlines that find it necessary to put this word in their text 'FEMALE' weightlifter.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Thanks Tiger, now I trust no one

Granted I am not a very trusting person in the first place, with good reason since people just suck in general when it comes to keeping secrets. But now thanks to the whole Tiger-cheating-saga I trust everyone less. When a phone goes off I wonder what is happening. Heaven forbid someone has to leave the room to talk on their phone you cannot help but wondering what is going on.

I have taken to jealously guarding my Blackberry and I do not even have anything to hide. It just seems like the safer plan. For instance in my case I get weird messages from my friends, no need to have any misunderstandings like why does that text say "Hope to see you soon I have missed you". And since a few of my male friends have names that sound like girl names it could just get more and more complicated.

I never read text messages over shoulders or emails that are being read in front of me. That just leads to trouble. A friend of mine was visiting a girl he was 'daggering' and she received a call while he was there from an Ex. He then over-heard snatches of the conversation and relayed them to me via IM. To me the conversation seemed completely innocent but because he was the one who was 'dating' the young lady every little thing was misconstrued.

I wish I could mock him but...I do the damn same thing. If I hear the wrong thing it sends me into a bit of a quandary. Should I blow up, should I laugh it off? Why is the call at this time? Of course the time that is bad fluctuates. If it is 8am, why is the call so early? If the call is mid-day, are they trying to pull a lunch time fast one? If the call is in the evening, is it a dinner meet up? If the call is mid-night, well come on you know what the thought is then! But of course this is not triggered by every call. I am not a crazy man, I am not even a jealous man. But I do favour the lyrics from a song from ages ago (please do not look it up I am already embarrassed enough I ever listened to that group) "I'm not suspicious, I'm cautious"

So when I see suspicious phone activity: like too many texts messages then followed by phone calls, that lead to whispered conversations or people waiting for me to leave the room before returning calls...I do begin to wonder what is going on.

Then again, someone might just be planning a surprise party for me, yup that might be it. Either way, I still never eavesdrop so I will never know what the call is about. Hahahah damn you Tiger, I never used to care!

Monday, November 30, 2009

You are not a ‘chick’ you are a football player!

I get supremely tired of the paternalistic attitude that our society takes towards women in general and women in sports. I completely believe in equality, yet many persons who claim they want equality between the sexes hide behind the veil of ‘women are the weaker sex and should be protected’.

Only in terms of actual muscle size are women the fairer sex, but beyond direct head to head competition between men and women there is no reason to consider women as weaker than men, and certainly NOT when they are engaged in their own sporting activities.

Elizabeth Lambert is a football player (soccer in America) who went in a word NUTS during a game. She punched an opponent in the back (granted after she took an elbow), did a few dangerous and aggressive tackles, pulled an opponent down so vigorously by the pony tail (let that soak in for a second) that the girl’s head jerked and she fell to the ground as if she had been shot, and she punched another in the face. Any one of those acts could have earned her a red card and suspensions for a few games, (but the refs did not sanction her – seriously the quality of reffing in all sports this year is atrocious -) taken all together, they obtained her an indefinite suspension.

Now there are some saying that the attention paid to her incidents are because she is female. Look I do not doubt that some attention has been paid to her solely because she is a woman, but at the same time I think much of the attention has been paid because she seriously went CRAZY. When have you ever seen a man engage in activity like that and not get vilified? For instance let me place you on a grander stage but with a simpler act: Zidane in the World Cup delivered a head butt to the Italian defender who insulted him and his family, take note it was one blow a head butt, one act - an instant dismissal, and world-wide shame. Elizabeth Lambert did not receive nearly the scorn that was heaped on Zidane yet I should believe that most of this is because she is a woman? And again, I know in terms of importance the scale is different, the World Cup versus NCAA playoffs but the reactions can be compared. If Zidane had not only head butted the Italian but also punched him, done dirty tackles and grabbed a pony tail (and yup in that game there was enough hair for pony tails) we would still be combing through video tape of the incident.

When American Football players pull players down by the face mask and cause injury, it tends to be the lead on ESPN. Even simple locker room fights get coverage. And yet I have never seen a player do as much in a single game as Lambert did in her game. If Chad Ochocinco ever decides to try and remove the front teeth from his opponent’s mouth in the manner in which Lambert attempted to do dentistry on her foe, I am pretty sure his career would be severely impacted for a year.

But, let us take one of the greatest examples of male players going NUTS in recent history: ‘The Malice at the Palace’ or you might know it as Ron Artest running into the stands with half of the Indiana Pacers riding shotgun with him. Artest started a melee and contributed to one of the greatest non-boxer Athlete punches I have ever seen (I would post video of it, but the NBA takes that down immediately as it goes up so the link would be dead by the time you read this anyway) Jermaine O’neal hitting a tubby guy so hard that I felt it in my fillings. I still maintain that because O’neal slipped while swinging that guy is still walking this earth.

Thanks to that incident we now think of Ron Artest as a mad-man, Stephen Jackson as a man completely willing to rearrange your grill and the Indiana Pacers have become a team that many feel has on purpose decided to become the whitest team in the league (man I really hope that is just coincidental and not really related to the malice in the palace because that would really be sad and a bad reflection of prejudice).

So under the Ron-ron parameters I am now obligated to think of Elizabeth Lambert as a completely insane woman, who should not be let back onto a field until she is completely re-evaluated…only fair right? After all, we are all equal.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Eating my sorrows away vol 232.2342

May post pix later if I feel like.

Just a pat on the back, how cool am I type blog today.

Expected company, but my company was so busy that when they called and sounded dead tired on the phone I told them to not drive into town, even though I really wanted to see them (back pat)

I was asked if it was no big deal and I assured it was not (back pat)

But really I am torn up inside since I actually put in some serious effort today to try to impress since I have not been the best person the last few weeks (back pat for effort, knife in back for being a bad person)

I cleaned house, vacuumed everything in sight and purchased booze that was liked by friend (back pat)

Then I cooked. (back pat and that is before I even get to what I did)

I bought a fresh pineapple and peeled it so that the meal would be filled with fresh ingredients (back pat)

I deboned then cut up 3 whole chicken breasts into slivers no larger than 2 inches in length and no thicker than 2 mms so that they can flash fry in less than a minute (back pat)

I peeled and deveined 1.25lbs of shrimp and marinated it in a home made sauce (back pat)

Then here comes the labour intensive portion, I took 2 carrots and used the finest setting on the grater and shaved them so that I basically had carrot mush and flakes and anyone who ever does fine grating knows...look out for fingers (back pat)

Then and we can lump this all together, I chopped fresh herbs from the herb garden, fine chopped green onions, garlic, ginger etc and made an amazing stir fry with the chicken slivers, the shrimp and the fine carrot with a special red sauce (chilies, sugar, worchestershire, cane sugar, lemon juice (fresh sqeezed), sea salt, and some jamaican seasonings (boiled then simmered to thicken). All served on a bed of coconut rice yup u guessed it: BACK PAT

I know I know, you wonder why I post all this...well its cathartic, I am boasting and damn it, if I grated a piece of my thumb nail (hahah not really) you can read this post. Now seriously...envy me because the meal was bloody good.

Oh and I finished it off with FRIED ICE CREAM (back pat

Monday, November 02, 2009

Time for a blog, it has been too long, and my eye is hurting so why not

I cannot read any more cases because my right eye is so irritated I can barely look at pages, sorry for any typos but typing this with one eye open, sometimes both eyes closed and going from muscle memory.

It has been ages since I posted a blog.

Mini rants:
NEVER FLAKE ON ME, NEVER, COT DAMN IT EVER...but if you must, have a pretty damn good excuse, and communicate early and often. Being 2 hours late and then providing an excuse after you receive a call is unacceptable

Took a blow to the throat this weekend that makes it difficult to talk...if u know me, u know that must be torture.

Went out for Halloween, probably wore my laziest costume EVER. Ended up in WE HO, where 90% of the gay guys in SO CAL were, and definitely 100% of the aggressive gay guys were located.

No fights on my end, did encounter an overly aggressive guy, trying to step to my female friend that I was with. He came up and immediately hugged her, I thought at first he knew her, then quickly sensed the awkwardness of the situation. Thing is the kid looked like he might weigh less than 120, and I do not mean 120 like a boxer that packs a punch, I mean 120 like a guy that just does not gain weight. I am pretty sure the young lady could have taken him, but what would have been the fun in that? I gave the most gentle of shoves (to make him step back from her) and could feel the kids whole body shift under my arm. Would have been interesting to see her take him on.

Shout out to the outfits of my companions, very sexy, very wasted at the Abbey!! See above re 90%.

Our colleague that missed out would have spent half the night trying to conceal his crotch due to the scarcity of clothing of our friends. I took a pix but had to delete it. Out of respect to friends and fear of my girl...kidding re fear!

Cot damn, I might have to go to the doc, I really am starting to feel severe pain from this eye. Just great, I am going to walk in, barely be able to talk and just let them scream in horror at how swollen and red my eye is. I just pried it open to take a pix with my cell (too lazy to walk to a mirror) it looks nasty, and it is leaking...not sure what the hell happened. Wonder if I scratched my lens again.

Going to Vegas at the end of this week and yet, I am pretty certain I am just going to spend the weekend sleeping in the hotel room...not feeling it, and kind of worried about the party we are going to!!!

I actually carried a friend of mine out of the bar on Saturday, he blacked out so completely he had no recollection of meeting myself or the girls, or that we even hung out for a few minutes. To his friend Carol (I think that was the name) for the 20th time "OK I HEAR YOU WE ARE COMING OUTSIDE THE CLUB" HAHAH, poor girl seemed so stressed on the phone, and I was trying to hold my friend up with one hand, while trying to use his cell phone to talk to his friend...good times.

I ate way too much candy this weekend. I stepped on a scale last week and realized I have got to go back to working out...I blame the girl (ez I know). I tipped the scale this weekend at the gym at a clean 224lbs. Nope not a misprint, eye or not I made sure to type that one slowly...I WEIGH 224lbs.

So today for lunch I had steak and eggs, protein for the lift that I am going to do tonight. Tonight's dinner will be fried rice, now I know that does not sound healthy but trust me, it is how I lose weight, I dropped 40lbs in 6 months doing things like that and I will do it again.

If I go to Jamaica this heavy my parents will disown me.

Speaking of disown me, putting out an APB for a friend that used to live in America, moved back to Jamaica and has not said a word to me since.

Ok have to stop, I can barely sit up. Going to flush the eye with solution, if that does not work, I will have to scrap gym plans for tonight...and seriously at 224, I need all the gym time I can get!


Tuesday, September 01, 2009

gmail fail

My gmail has been down for ages today...just great, I need access to files

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Stay out of trouble, go get some bunh thit nuong and some pho

Monday, August 10, 2009

“Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage” (though, the horse and carriage concept is a bit outdated…I’m not saying, I’m just saying

So this is dangerous territory, writing about the fairer sex at a rapid pace and not pausing to think about your words can never be safe (rarely PC) and can lead to fun interactions, but oh well, LETS DO IT!!

A couple of my really close male friends are getting married, and they have both asked me to be in their weddings…it shows the state of my mental deficiency/incapacity/reluctance to accept that friends would get married or that they would want me in their weddings that the first words to both of them were not congratulations but “ARE YOU SURE?” Now do not get me wrong, I went on to congratulate them (sadly Greg had to prompt me on his…My Bad!), and I do think they are doing the right thing (I kid you not I actually wrote wrong thing and had to go back and change it…even my fingers will not come around to the idea) getting married, I just still have moments where marriage seems like an immense leap.

I applaud relationships, I think they are ‘great I think a man is not whole until he finds himself that special someone. But for some reason I still pause when I hear the word marriage…especially amongst my friends!!! Does it say something about the circle I am in? Does it say something about me? For instance, if Assassin right now told me he was getting married I would immediately ask him “When is the baby due?” That is WRONG, yet, 100% predictable.

As a group my friends seem so incapable of staying in lasting relationships that I guess I find it hard to believe that any of us are capable of doing the right thing…but, (and depending on the girl that could be a BIG BUTT [sorry cannot help myself]) I find myself in a relationship and I THOUROUGHLY enjoy it, she is a wonderful girl, treats me right (sometimes) great cook, witty, smart, sexier than anything you have and willing to put up with me (bonus), may it last forever.

How did this happen? I know I had no control over this, in fact I was floored to find out I was in a relationship and that too is part of what inspired this blog: MEN ARE BLOODY IDIOTS, REALLY WE ARE MORONS. I never understand guys that act like they are God’s gift to women, in reality we are LUCKY when they choose us because never mistake it, they choose us. Yeah there might be that random moment when some random quick fling daggering occurs, but when it comes to a long term relationship, they CHOOSE us, we might think we are ‘settling down’ but nope, she has made us stay home.

Is this why men cheat? Are they trying to break away and assert independence, kind of like that docile dog that one day just bites someone? Are they just trying to prove that yes you dressed me up in a pink sweater even though I have fur (you made me wear that sweater vest) and yes I allow you to walk me with a rhinestone studded leash (I went shoe shopping and kept my mouth shut) and yes you gave me a poodle cut even though I am a bull dog (yes I think it is awesome when you tell me how much of a ‘slut’ my ex-girlfriend is) I still have teeth (I have the ability to hook up with others). I swear as I type this I got this IM from Assassin (we are discussing that some cute girl is visiting his home and I called him an unflattering term for promiscuous persons: “ meh... she's here with her bf... eye candy only” - - The leash is on but he is fighting it.

My old roomie, settled down and is happy, I envy that. I want that, I like that he and his wife are making it work. Love is important, it is necessary it is hard to attain. Don’t believe me? Read on dear friend read on. I have a really good friend who seemed to have it all, his girl was making bank, he had a decent job, they had a house, they were together for years (anything over than 2 to me feels like a de facto marriage) the marriage seemed like it was inevitable but, it did not happen. Now when I first heard they broke up I thought to myself, “Dating for over 3 years, why bother to break up now?” Problem is, he was cool with how things were and ‘she’ wanted more. A relationship cannot work if one party is just ‘ok with the status quo’. In her words he needed to ‘get it together’ and while I want to disagree with her…I cannot. After three years I guess you really have to walk down that aisle or walk away from each other.

Amantes sunt amentes (lovers are lunatics):
“It's fine all of the time
Like sex on the beaches,
What else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?” F the pain away by Peaches (other lyrics too raunchy)

I like asking my friends this very simple question: “HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX SOBER?” Now this does not mean blind stumbling drunk just whether the first time they had sex with someone, some alcohol was involved. The results are rarely pretty. In fact (since I am a huge fan of train-wreck theater) the results are awesome. One friend replied with, “I cannot have sex sober”. Think about it in your own life, I am not asking you about the 20th time you and your significant other engaged in sexual congress I am asking about the first time. One of my colleagues (momentary discretion here, no names) has had sex with at least 18 girls and has never had Sex Sober! Strange world we live in, that an act that comes naturally to many, and is desired by many seems to require alcohol as lubrication to grease the wheels. (Some of you can substitute high, for alcohol here and the premise remains the same)

“I hate my girl man, I am going to break up with her”
“Dude I am going to marry her, I love her man”
“Man, I need to leave her”
“She is such a bitch” [2 hours later] “Ok everything is ok now, I love her”
“Should I break up with her?” “Why won’t you tell me what you think?”
“She wants to live together” [she had previously planned to leave the city]
“You just do not understand man, she is just bitchy sometimes, otherwise we are cool”
--All of the above came from one friend over a 6 month period about his girlfriend. This is why I sometimes wonder what has become of my life, if my friends are this crazy, what does it say about me that I am still friends with the lunatics? Like clockwork every week he and I talk about how much he hates her or how much he loves her and yet he will never leave her…this cannot be healthy!

Can a girl stay in a relationship if she does not control all of it? I do not know, I am not trying to spout off, I just do not know. I watch my female friends and they seem to become flustered if they are not fully in control of the relationship (not controlling the guy, that is something else). I joked with a friend and asked her “How is the hubby?” when inquiring about her bf and she freaked out, apparently others had been making that joke recently and she was not prepared for such jokes…hmm Why? I know this blog is filled with questions, but I am just free flowing here and I realize just how little I know about a creature that I have hunted for the last 16 years of my life.

I am friends with all of my exes, I may not talk to most of them, but I am at least friends with them. So many people I know cannot abide to be anywhere near their exes and I find that strange, because at some point you must have been attracted to them, have been compatible with them, what went so wrong that you cannot even be around them? I have an ex that I even think cheated on me (may she R.I.P.) but I have never actually confronted her with it, preferring to go with the Mario Winans “I don’t wanna know” attitude.

However, (and you have to say that aggressively) I cannot abide hearing about any of my exes dating NONE OF THEM, even the ones that I just dated for a short span. So far none of my exes have gotten married; none have become pregnant (well…) or acquired kids. I do not want to date any of them again, yet I cannot stomach the thought of any of them getting married????? I am a weird guy, I am not naturally jealous and I am not selfish, in fact I have a hard time saying no (and friends use this to their advantage, I might as well open up a pro-bono moving company). Yet for some reason I do not want to think of any of ‘my girls’ with other people. I am not na├»ve and I even understand the science behind the body, but I still pretend that all my girlfriends are virgins, long may they remain pure!

A colleague mentioned to me that he recently re-connected with his ex-wife and he was torn about the fact that she had produced seed and was dating a guy that did not look as good as him (his judgment not mine). I could tell that he was torn up by it, and he came to me for advice, the thing is, I completely understood it, even though it was his ex-wife he still did not want to see her changed.

So many guys hope for their exes to become fat and ugly after they break up, that is the last thing I want. I would never, ever want someone I dated to become ugly, I want to always look back with no regrets, and if ‘she’ ever became ugly I would have to wonder what I saw in her.

Finally, believe it guys, we have no control, NONE, the moment you accept that, you will enjoy your relationships more. Girls dress for each other, not for you. You are barely window dressing on the house; when they take you shopping, you are not there to approve outfits you are there to either talk to them or to make you feel like you are included and have a say (you have none, my girl actually told me that to my face…I already knew it).

I should re do my business cards and on the back put:
“To all male clients please practice saying these words:
- You are right, I am wrong
- Those look great
- Anything you want
- Sweet, I would love to do that
- No, this game is not that important
- I think your sister is pretty [use for an escape moment when you really, really want to get out of the relationship]

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Jordan Crawford dunks on Lebron James

So, TMZ hyped their video but turns out Ebaum nation has a much better clip. HERE IS THE LINK...hiding it just made it take on legendary status!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Saturday was kind of a good day,

- Did some legal work – no stress
- Made some good breakfast – fried dumpling, beer and breakfast tortillas
- Picked up some DVDs- nice weekday night plans
- Spoke to the crazy chica – re-enforced my beliefs
- Had dinner with the bro and his girl- good food great views
- Hit the Korean market – yellow tail, ground pork, shrimp and tones of veggies and fruit – FEASTING THIS WEEK
- Hung with the neighbor – beer and wine for supper great, great plan!

Tuesday, July 07, 2009


This should link you to the video!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Can Chris Brown save career with plea deal in assault on Rihanna? | Gold Derby | Los Angeles Times

Can Chris Brown save career with plea deal in assault on Rihanna? | Gold Derby | Los Angeles Times

Interesting article, it says a lot that I agree with i.e. the Grammys and Oscars are often out of touch with trends and refuse to honor the most deserving for fear of how they might be reflected!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

June 13th = a very good saturday

Test drove a Kia for 5 minutes it lead to a $20 gift card at Korean market. If you have ever been to the Asian market you will know that $20 will put you in food for 2 weeks or more. In my case I wanted a $20lb sack of rice, some booze, some veggies, some meat, some fruit and some seasoning and I only paid $3 thanks to the test drive!!! Good times. And it all started because I flirted with this cute girl in the store and she let me know that free money was being given away.

Assassin and I then stopped at bev mo, grabbed some 'scotchy scotch scotch' and drank to start the afternoon while I grilled 1lb burgers!!!

But the drinking was NOT enough to stop us from playing tennis for 2 hours, it might however be the reason why we completed only one set despite playing for TWO HOURS!!! The game finally ended at 11-9 one set, the second set will be played later today.

Then it was time to go see the hangover; despite the fact that the movie started at 8 and we were still at my crib at 8...but the day was going too well, so of course we made it to the movie just as the final waste of time trailer/ad rolled BONUS.
We drank scotch throughout the movie...then ran to the Loo at the end of the movie (very funny movie, go see it!). Not the best plan to drive home after the movie so we walked into UP since it had been getting rave reviews...I can see why.

Finally made it back to the crib, more scotch, quick walk to the bars. Met a girl who was giving me the 'eye' I FROZE, I mean I completely lost the skill to step to her. Sand Assassin gave me the look of shame (then he froze later when meeting a hot chick...Hahah SUCKER!!!!) Finally screwed up courage at the 2nd bar. Now unwinding, it was a good day/night. Hopefully the Lakers lose later and neither SA or myself dies of alcohol poisoning or the pharmaceuticals that we may or may not have accidentally mixed in with them.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Lebron is a brat, plain, simple and understandable

It is easy to bash Lebron after his graceless exit following his team’s loss to Orlando over the weekend. A player who has coveted and basked in the media’s spotlight for years suddenly did not want to deal with the harsh light of reality when the biggest question he might be asked would be “Why did your team lose?”

Spare me the he is young excuse. Lebron is 24 and has been in the league for 6 years, he is so mature that most people in their 40s could look to him for guidance. Yes he had to grow up fast but when you have the publicity/support/monetary machine that surrounds
Lebron, you grow up fast.

The fact that the league has not (yet) fined him for skipping out on the post game press conference is farcical and proves the conspiracy wonks right…the league favors its stars.

Many Lebron backers are saying he left without doing the obligatory post game press conference because he did not want to bash his team mates – and that is a defense? I am supposed to believe that Lebron was merely following the principle of “if you cannot say something nice don’t say anything at all”. Well that is (in old sportswriter terminology) HOGWASH. There were plenty of nice things he could have said: “We lost to a better team”, “We got our butts Kicked”, “We were out hustled, out-maneuvered”, “The Magic are a great team”, “Dwight Howard is superman and he owns my team” ok he would probably never say the last one, but it is true.

But if he really wanted to be the ‘King James’ that many expect him to be, he could have come out and said something that I would have really admired, allow me for a moment to be Lebron answering an imaginary question:

Reporter from Cleveland: “Lebron what are your thoughts on this your second straight exit just before the NBA finals”
Lebron: “What can I say? We were out coached so badly that it makes it even funnier that Mike Brown won coach of the year when anyone who follows basketball knows that we won 60 plus games because I play on this team, we caught fire at home, we have great fans, caught many a team flat, played with intensity because for most of our players the greatest thing we can aspire to is a great record not a title. Our coach won coach of the year because writers are often too lazy to look at actual circumstances and would rather just look at plain numbers; “Team X has more wins so they must have the best”. Because it would be too hard to swallow that the coach of Oklahoma has less talent and tougher circumstances and did a much better job even if his team had less wins, or that Greg Popovich had to deal with injuries all year but still got his team a great record. Or how about George Karl and his bunch of knuckleheads, his team was practically transformed in the middle of the season and still he was a force in the West, and this is before we get to the coach of the team that beat us!

“But what are my thoughts? Did you see my team out there? I have a guy making predictions that we are the better team, the best team in the NBA and then he cannot hit a jump shot if you widened the rim to 5 feet and lowered it 3 feet. I have power forwards who could not make my high school team. We could not stop anyone and this team won 2 games ONLY because of me, not partly because of me…ONLY. That 3 pointer I hit in game 3 was ridiculous; did you see how I celebrated after that? And of course no ref dared T me up like they did D ho ’cause I am LBJ, I am that good.

MY TEAM SUCKS, no really put that in the paper, WE SUCK, everyone automatically assumed I would make the finals, and I stared to believe it. I have more commercials out right now than games played in the Conference finals. I might as well go help Kobe look for his “3 championship rings” because that is the closest I am getting to a ring this year. I put up 38/8/8 and still could not even make a game 7 much less the finals. If you think I am going to sign that extension you are crazy or you have some last second ransom you are going to spring on me to force me to stay, because as soon as I can get out of here I am going.”

Cavaliers’ management scrambling to podium: “PRESS CONFERENCE OVER!”

Or of course he could have just said “Both teams played hard” (Shout out to Rasheed Wallace)

But to just put your headphones on and walk out to the bus, that was bush league. To not even shake the hand of your Olympic team-mate, that was tasteless. But, wait, you have been given a chance to redeem yourself, you can hold a press conference after you have had a chance to cool off, surely now you will say something contrite and explain away the childish behavior.


In his press conference a day after the game, LBJ did not apologize for his actions instead he offered up excuses: He told us that he emailed Dwight Howard…look I have enemies I respect enough to actually call if I have to congratulate them, much less a team-mate that I won a gold medal with. He then told the world that he walked off because he is a winner and that winners do not like to lose (ignore the oxymoron for a second) and that no one congratulates the person that kicks their ass.

So what I take from this is that Lebron has never watched a single Boxing match, MMA fight, Karate Tournament, any version of Rocky, a hockey game, a little league match, Tennis (especially Serena vs. anyone from France), old highlights of Jordan (he wears 23 too) vs. the Lakers/Pistons/Celtics. Hell apparently he never played a friendly pickup game, or flag football or just a game of cards apparently Lebron has only ever watched Lebron. It is a time honored part of sports to congratulate your opponent win or lose. It is not humiliating it is respect. It is not humbling yourself; it is acknowledgment of the nature of the shared activity.

Look even Mike Tyson at the end of a fight with Lennox Lewis where he previously threatened to eat Lennox’s children (HIS CHILDREN!) congratulated Lennox on beating him into submission. If Tyson, one of the craziest and most dangerous men ever to engage in an athletic endeavor can have the grace to shake his opponents hand, your not doing it, diminishes you.

But really Lebron – you are a winner so you did not shake your opponents hands? Uhmm, if you are such a winner why is your team now “Gone Fishing” while the Magic play this Thursday? Can you really call yourself a winner when your team just got soundly beaten and LOST? You lost the game and then you lost respect by your actions…man up!

There is currently a very popular phrase in the vernacular of the streets…Bitch Made; Lebron, I never thought I could apply that to you, but those actions this weekend were Bitch Made. This is the first time that I have seen that you lacked that positive male influence in shaping your youth that would have told you…“that is not cool you never walk off like that.”

Some are now saying this has done irreparable harm to your image, I even heard a sports talk host here in LA claim that you would lose endorsements because of it. That is just reactionary talk, you will overcome this, mainly because your marketing machine is so good that they will immediately impress upon you that this can never happen again. But, I hope you will overcome this because of the strength of character that I think I see in you.

You came into the league with incredible pressure on you, and for the most part have handled it better than anyone could have expected, learn from this and come out better than ever.

p.s. I really wish someone when you were 13 had told you, do NOT wear number 23!

Monday, June 01, 2009

Why Orlando could win but the Lakers should…

Ok the title is not the greatest, I really hate when sports writers waffle and refuse to pick a side, yet at the same time I understand it.

Well if I am going to just wantonly give a prediction, I will say Orlando in 6 with the Lakers having the choking label attached to them!

See looking at that sentence you would say, come on he is crazy, if you are going to pick Orlando it has to be a hard fought series going all the way. BUT, history favors the home team winning game 7s so if I predict a 7 game series and I trust history I would have to give the win to LA, right? And history says the Lakers struggle against speedy guards …Skip to my lou is so much better and faster than Derek Fisher at this point in their careers that the point guard advantage is strongly in favor of Orlando?

The Lakers were the most talented team in the playoffs by far. I know many predicted Denver over the Lakers, but I think most of those predictions were based on hope and fatigue at the Laker hype and Kobe and Lebron puppets. In a head to head matchup there are few players on the Denver starting 5 that could replace the Lakers starting 5. Yes they are flashier, much more likeable guys but when you really dig deep down to your core as a fan, do you prefer likeable to championships? Before you answer that think again about John Stockton…very likeable guy…zero wins. Now if you are a Utah fan would you have traded all those years of Stockton for 2 titles with Kobe?

Or Lakers fans who now claim that the best decision was cutting Shaq. Would you have been fine with having discontent in your team but 3 more titles? Or are you really happy with the last 5 years of your team? I know many now claim that it was a great decision to get rid of Shaq but really, how good a decision was it? The team went into a spiral, has the label of petulant and soft and is one of the most hated franchises in the league…with Shaq you would have been hated but champs. And please do not give me the garbage of Kobe threatening to leave if Shaq stayed. Kobe was a petulant child (maybe still is) who pouts when he does not have his way, he has held your franchise ransom time and time again (hell there was even a rumored threat that he would play for the Clippers) bashed team mates and always came back. He was never leaving as long as he thought he could keep winning with Shaq.

But sorry, I have floated so far away from the topic that I could be a plot line on Family Guy (insert random fight with a chicken here). Orlando presents matchup problems for the ‘Talented Lakers’, who on the Lakers is going to guard Dwight Howard? Other than the refs I mean. I am constantly amused by the new ways in which a ‘superstar’ like Dwight does not get ‘superstar’ calls? Does David Stern have a daughter? Did he catch her in bed with D Ho? Did he defile Stern’s wife? What is it? Lebron gets free throws if a fan from the other team stares at him. Dwight has a foul called on him for a clean block on a 3 point attempt that did not even need replay for the world to see how bogus it was.

Is it because he is signed to Adidas? Is the league owned by Nike? The ads would seem to suggest that.

A colleague of mine has for ages drank the kool aid (probably lemon lime or some other weak flavor like that) that D Ho is soft. I have argued that he is not soft, people just do not give him enough credit and are not exposed enough to his games. I now add to that analysis, I think part of the problem is that when he plays ‘hard’ he picks up ridiculous fouls and technicals and thus has to spend so much time on the bench that his ‘soft’ play is necessary for continued minutes.

To buttress this argument I point to the technical that was rescinded by the league. D ho was being mauled under the hoop by Anderson V (one of the sneaky dirty players in the league) catching the ball he goes up strong and gets a basket and an ‘and one’ he flexes like ‘players with passion’ are supposed to react and he gets T-d up for taunting…hmm. I think because he has the body and strength of Shaq but did not build up the cache of good will and publicity that Shaq had received from his brief time at LSU, D Ho is yet to get the respects of the refs. I suspect that by next year some of the ticky tack fouls that he has to deal with now will no longer be a problem and he will be allowed to be more ‘aggressive’.

The 5 best players in the NBA in no particular order are Kobe, Lebron, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, Tim Duncan (when healthy – increasingly rare), my Spurs bias says that Tony Parker is knocking on that door, before you laugh completely at that, look at his stats in the last finals, and look at his playoffs stats every year, then get back to me with your laugh. I am not sure where to put Carmelo, I think he could replace Paul…but not sure.

Now the problem for the rest of the league is that on that list of 5, 2 have players on their team that can at any given month be in the top 25 players in the league. Kobe has Gasol and Odom. Duncan has Ginobli and Parker. Lebron has a bunch of scrubs (Boobie it pains me to say this, but you have to be more consistent to rise above the scrub label) and a maybe in Mo Williams. Chris Paul has a decent supporting staff, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that pieces are missing and that maybe he is not quite the leader he needs to be, yet. Dwight Howard has a bunch of adequate shooters surrounding him and a ton of players with that immeasurable statistic, Heart!

So in the finals if we looked solely at stars it would be Kobe – Gasol – Odom – D Fish’s knees - over-rated Bynum – Ariza and some mixture of Walton/Brown/and 24 more fouls to give vs. Dwight Howard – Hedo – Rafer Alston (Skip to my Lou) – possibly Jameer Nelson (I listed Rafer first because of health) and a bunch of players that at this stage are just interchangeable.

So on paper it really should be the Lakers, most of the players on Orlando would struggle to make the Lakers playoff roster yet, Orlando has looked like the more impressive team, how come? I say it must be D Ho!

Point to anyone in this league that can guard him; the only physical presence similar to his is Shaq and Shaq lacks his athleticism. If he is allowed to play free of the simplistic fouls that have plagued him, he could systematically destroy the Lakers front line. The greatest mystery to me of these playoffs is the fact that Anderson Varajo did not foul out every game in the first half.

D Ho has the power of Shaq, the athleticism of Lebron, the shooting touch of Vlade Divac and unfortunately the ball handling skills of a first day porn star. If he improves his handle and his shooting touch he will be unstoppable. Have I mentioned that his free throws have improved to the point that a team cannot risk adopting the hack-a-Dwight strategy?

Kobe will get his points, no one in the league is truly a Kobe Stopper, I am looking at you Ruben Patterson, if you are even still in the league. But I suspect the strategy will have to be to try to contain Kobe while shutting down the rest of the Lakers. Lakers fans will hate hearing this but I love seeing D Fish shoot, if he is out there jacking up shots it means that one less reliable Laker has a chance to touch the ball, “shoot Fish shoot”. The wild card as it almost always is; is Odom. Gasol is guaranteed to be consistent, he will get his points, he will get his rebounds, we will all call him soft but he will do the job he is supposed to do. But, Odom, Odom might average 24/11 or he might disappear and turn in 12/6 performances all series.

Odom is basically part of the beauty of sports and why predictions are so difficult…until the game is actually played you cannot really know what is going to happen. Detroit can beat LA when Shaq and Kobe were already being fitted for their rings. Mine that Bird can win the Derby as a 50-1 underdog; while a filly that was not even in the race goes on to win the next leg of the Triple Crown. A tiny island known more for reggae music than sports can sweep the sprints at the Olympics and take the spotlight from a pot-smoker that floats in a pool. And Superman might decide to put on his cape and deliver some Magic in the NBA finals.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Suicide Jumper Pushed...awesome?

Suicide Jumper Pushed

When you get a chance look at the photos, after the guy pushed him she saluted...that is pretty crazy. I know this is not PC to say, but I completely understand why the guy pushed him. I would not do it, but I understand. Traffic in SD was once snarled for 3 hours because some guy wanted to jump off the bridge...What if I had had a job interview, what if I was rushing my wife to the hospital? Because of your selfishness everyone else's life has to be troubled?

Why must there have to be some showy suicide? If you are just killing yourself to free yourself from debt, why the need for others to see your path/progression?

Again, I do not agree with the guy pushing him off the bridge but wow, can I empathize.

What is funny is that the guy is still badly in debt and now probably has to pay a mint in fines, restitution and hospital bills, almost makes you want to kill yourself...oh oops!

Thursday, May 07, 2009

As much as I hate showing Kobe love...player not beef

This was a sick play, passing to yourself to beat the defender will always earn respect

That said, he should get suspended for that elbow he threw to Artest's neck

...but he wont

Apparently Davidson kids cannot stay on a beat and Steph Curry should never rap

I give them credit for getting this many kids together to do something fun...but they get a failing grade for the video (see that, I did a bad pun too, give me some Asher Roth cheddar).

Monday, May 04, 2009

Happy Birthday

Jackie, you are crazy, and a pint sized bundle of issues, but you make me laugh, so I let you live.

cras amet qui nunquam amavit; quique amavit, cras amet

Friday, May 01, 2009

Funny Video of extreme coaching

Sometimes a coach has to do whatever he can to get through to his players. The coach of the Bahrain football team thinking that his goalie was not focused enough, replaced the goal with the player's brand new SUV and made him have to try and stop balls from hitting it.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Monday, April 27, 2009

MLK on auto tune, better than Kanye

So I found this today on the 2dopeboyz site. Someone was very creative. I see some on the net find it offensive, I however just view it as another way to get Dr. King's message out there. And took some skill sinking this sucker up, pay attention when the backup singers kick in

Quadruple Amputee competes in MMA...spoiler, he LOSES!

Look I am all for equal opportunity, and I am pretty sure that limbless this guy would still beat me to a pulp BUT there is one major problem, I am not MMA trained talent. This guy is going in with a severe handicap (not the pun, nor the physical condition, just the fact) that is impossible to overcome.

Often you will see boxers try to compete fights after breaking a hand throwing a punch and you often see it costing them the fight, but there they still had the use of a hand and the ability to dance from punches. This guy has NO arms and NO legs.

Read the link and you will find that he was not even allowed to throw punches because the gloves could not stay on his appendage (is it still a punch if you do not have arms?).

Much love and credit to this guy for overcoming his disability, but this is just not safe and to me too much of a spectacle to be enjoyable...oh and it definitely hurts MMA's credibility.

And in case you cared I am picking Manny over Ricky Hatton this saturday, but I will definitely be singing "There's only one, Ricky Hatton" while watching the fight cause I LOVE that song.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Thank you for Being a Friend, R.I.P. Bea

Bea Arthur died today.

I love Bea Arthur, in fact I loved the Golden Girls. Many guys act like they cannot say something like that, but sensible people know that, that show was a great slice of Americana. The ensemble cast was brilliant and Bea was a shining star in the midst of all that talent.

She along with the others brought an empowered female cast to television and showed that women could be 'sexy' without having to flaunt their sexuality.

I will miss you Bea

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hillary Clinton: Welcome To The Chocolate City - Hillary Clinton

Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi IS A PIMP, Don't believe me? Check the link...I want that suit!

Jezebel - Hillary Clinton: Welcome To The Chocolate City - Hillary Clinton: "Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi"

Monday, April 20, 2009

For the Love of Ray J season blog, I cannot help it

So this is one of those nights, when the crucial question: Should I go work out or watch reality programming? Guess which one I picked!

For the Love of Ray J starts out with him telling the 3 left that he is going to go meet their families, this causes one of the girls to have a panic attack. I do not have to even tell you which one it is, let me just say this, there are 3 girls and one of them has a tattoo of a panther on her face!!! Hmm wonder who panicked when her hometown peeps are going to be met.

Seriously, you have a BIG CAT tattoo on your face (should I also tell you that as soon as this show wrapped she became pregnant for another dude...yes I should). She also confessed during the show to having sex with one maybe 2 of Ray J's homies..."Danger she smashed a homie" should be a hit song.

Hmm bit of a curve ball here, Ray J is sending Danger home (tattoo face chick) I wonder if VH1 just did not want to spend money on 3 trips home. I do love that even though he is sending her home she says "I do know that Ray loves me" then intimates something to the fact that even though I am sent home and if he picks someone else..."he is still coming back to me". Uh, ok!

Cut to a KFC add with CHEFS talking about how good KFC chicken first that seems ridiculous then I think about the fact that I am a bloody good cook and I LOVE KFC...but I am wary of this grilled KFC, I once had their grilled chicken and I think my old roomie probably still remembers my complaints about the horribleness of that chicken.

"This Fool is wearing a white Fur Coat" those were my first words coming out of commercial...nuff said. Isn't this show filmed in LA? I know he might be heading to somewhere cold but while in LA..."I think I love you" Ooooooh Unique dropped the L word, and then trips exiting the stairs of the Jet, I somehow feel like they are both related.

I really like that he nicknames the girls then gives the nicknames, nicknames!

Ray looks a little intimidated by Unique's mom...punk! OH DAMN, Unique's mom just asked if her daughter was a "hit it and quit it" then when Ray says he has not hit it, the mom asks "What's wrong with her, why you aint go after it?" I think I like this woman. Plus the fact that it is a mixed marriage is already cool with me.

So he meets Cocktail's family and the first thing they do as a family is TAKE shock this Chick's name is Cocktail...but damn the girl is fine, I will be fine with the alcoholism. Not gonna lie, that dinner looks damn fine, they even have goat. This uncultured fool lives in LA and does not know how to pronounce Mole????? I like Cocktail's brother dude knows what's up, he immediately asks Ray J, how the girls are, that is right...keep it real homie!

Off to Vegas...because you know everytime I want to see if something is 'true love' I take it to 'Sin City'. So Cocktail (note I nearly shortened her name then realized...not a good idea) calls Unique ugly but funnily enough this is actually the hottest she has looked in awhile, I am actually feeling her right now.

I think Unique is suffering from diarrhea of the mouth, she is confessing to things that you should never confess on your 'final date' things like I did not like you until last night...just a thought

And yup here it comes the invitation to the room, and shockingly...she accepts. If you thought she was going to say no to the 'alone time' I have only one thing to say to you, wear a helmet when walking around. Yup it is the straddle lap and kiss move, always a classic...Didn't this happen with Kim Kardashian? I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

A random aside, it is 88 bloody degrees and I LIVE BY THE BEACH, damn you global warming!

Hmm an Ad for the new New York show, looks like crap, I will watch it, I will not pretend.

Time for Unique to take the walk of shame, hehe, who does not love that moment? Thank goodness I did not live on dorm ;) Looks like unique has lost weight during the show, not a bad thing.

Damn Cocktails dress is amazing and by amazing I mean short and skin tight. Damn my knee is killing me, not exactly related to the show, but I feel like you should know this. Haha she called him a rapper and he became offended...dude, chill, just be happy you make rapper money.

Oh crap we have hit the one hour mark and this show is still on, I wish I had this on DVR, thank goodness I have scrabble games, and Deadspin going on at the same time, I cannot justify just sitting here blogging this show without other activities at the same time. Though today's DUAN article is not that hot.

So in Ray's room there are a bunch of Lingerie outfits for Cocktail to try on, strange I did not see this when Unique was up there...methinks something is up! There is a stripper pole in the shower, need I say more? I think so, she seems quite what is the word...'professional' on that pole. Hmm did Kim Kardashian do this...I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Hahah the room service guy calls Ray J, Mr. J., I love it after all what do you call someone that just uses J at the end of their name, no seriously Aaron D. wants to know.

The girls get to try on outfits for the elimination, I always like the anxiety that this part brings because I always wonder, does the Dress at this last moment sway the choice? Like he goes in there thinking, "This is the girl I want to marry...What the Hell is she wearing? Ok I change my mind"

We now get the necessary clips of Ray staring out into space as he considers who to choose.

Another quick Aside, Deadspin is reporting that Condoleezza Rice inquired into joining the HBO Real Sports' team, man I like Condy!

So he picks Cocktail, I could have predicted this at the start of the epi, but oh well. I really do love that at the end of the show when a girl is eliminated they then reveal her real we care. Am I ever going to remember that Unique's real name is Danielle or will I always just think of her as Unique? Well I guess if I remember her at all it will be as Unique of course.

Looks like Ray will be eating more goat.

"...that's love and I think I found it" wow strong words of assurance there Ray!

--I hate myself

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Hostage at Sangster Airport in JAMAICA!!!!

Go Jamaica :: Hostage at Sangster Airport :: News

Yes I put Jamaica in Caps because I would never have believed this could happen. Bit ironic that this has happened just a few weeks after this video was all the rage on the net...

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia

You know everyone mocked Samuel L. when he did 'Snakes on a Plane' but see, he was a visionary, or as he would yell it: "I'M A MUTHAF@#%ING VISIONARY".

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A recap of Idol recap night...just for Erin since she is stuck at work!

Idol starts like it is a promo for a movie, complete with flashy fire graphics and sped up movements. They even did background interviews with the singers. Then cut to Seacrest with his back to the audience a sudden turn around and..."THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL" One has to wonder how dorky he feels doing that, or does he take himself too seriously to realize that he looks like a goof?

We are told that Miley Cyrus will perform and the crowd goes nuts, then we are told that Jennifer Hudson will also be there and they cut to shots of members of the audience who are clearly too old to be there.

Paula is sitting up ram-rod straight...the meds are awesome tonight and so is the bustier that she is wearing...the ladies are out to party tonight and by ladies I mean her golden globes, her emmys, her cleos (yup I just named 3 awards that she will never win).

An idol music video for Ford, which has the Idols murdering Freeze Frame while appearing on the covers of various made up magazines...oh and at the very end showing the car, there might want to be some revision done here. I had no idea it was a car ad until the last minute.

Time for group sing...Kris, flirts with Kara, she flirts back, she clearly did not hear about Paula and Cory and the scandal of a few years ago. I continue to believe that the Idol Stylists hate Allison. Is it any coincidence that now that Scott (the visually impaired guy) is gone the idollettes are allowed to raom all around the stage, the balcony, and the judges platform. Oh lil Rounds, so much promise in that voice, so little delivery. Watching the Idols try to dance and sing at the same time is almost painful, I keep expecting someone to trip and swallow a mic.

I am supposed to go see a reggae band later tonight, not sure I can do that anymore, my music appreciation has been shot to pieces.

There is now a clip of the Idols going to watch the new Zac Effron movie, sadly thanks to peeps like Matt, Danny and Adam, Zac Effron might be the manliest person there! How bad a movie is something going to be if the ads make you want to scratch your eyeballs out? Bit weird to hear Adam talk about liking the Cheerleaders, then they cut to a clip of the Cheerleaders in the movie being snarky...whew for a second I thought I was going to have to review my guesses about him.

Time to build the bottom 3...Allison is first up to have Ryan play the safe or not game: this poor girl at 16 sounds like a 70 year old 2 pack a day smoker...and she is safe (I know I have been advocating purple for a year...but those purple pants she has on are hideous)
Adam...thinks Rocky Horror Picture show is a great movie, yup yup, guesses still safe...SAFE, but you already knew that

Anoop...this kid is yet to wear a jacket I like, am I old or is he a bad dresser? I vote for him being a bad dresser...Ryan lingers, draws out the moment and places Anoop in the bottom 3 for the 3rd straight week! Cut to commercials, have to get that Ford money.

They make mention that Jennifer Hudson is the only idol FINALIST to win an Academy Award, note they stress finalist because they cannot say Idol winner, they also are quick to hide the fact that she was NOT voted into the top 12 but had to be brought back as a wild card...oh Idol you tricksters. She placed 7th in her season, comes on to sing tonight and shows that none of the current contestants would be worthy enough to run her bath water! Her performance ends and she and Ryan engage in some light banter that is just well frankly it is annoying, no wonder this show runs over every time.

Anoop pulls the I don't vote the judges don't vote card, they cut to Paula and she of course is doing something silly with Simon...If she becomes pregnant by Simon I would not be shocked. Wait a minute, Anoop does not vote? If I were a contestant on the show, my fingers would be raw from voting for myself all night (or for the 2 hour window).

Both Kris and Lil are made to stand up Lil is wearing a green dress and green eye shadow, St paddys day is here again! Ryan toys with Kris, but he is of these days someone will punch him out...I hope I get to see it on the west coast feed.

Matt and Danny are standing up together, Danny looks like he is trying to puff his chest out. Do we need to wait for Ryan on this one or should Matt just walk straight to the stools? No way does the 'Dead wife card' fail this early in the season! The judges that did not get to talk last night keep commenting about the people they did not get to talk about last night (what was the point of not letting them just waste our time and talk last night?).

Kara is this the bottom 3? "I love them but yes"
Paula? She starts to ramble my brother talks over her, I miss all of Paula, I suspect I missed nothing.

Anoop gets saved and sent back down to Rounds and Matt. Oh and Miley Cyrus, she cannot get voted off, but oh how I wish she could be. If I sit through her upcoming performance it will be the first time I have heard her sing past 20seconds. Sorry, I just cannot stand her speaking voice and it leaks into her singing.

Cyrus has an elaborate set, and she is wearing an evening gown, I do not like this, she is dressed like a much older girl, the whole thing just feels exploitative and yup her voice still gets to me. She stretches her arms up and out, it might be a Celine Dion tribute, but instead all I fear is a wardrobe malfunction. Were that to happen and leak online teenage fan boys would probably melt the internet. Where is Billy Ray? I did not know Miley could do something without him showing up, is that ok, did she break loose? This performance is so creepy. Simon does not look enthused at the performance, I suspect my face looks the same.

Simon is asked if he would consider using his save tonight..."there might be one we would consider saving and it might surprise them" Ryan then asks if that means it is Lil, Simon says you will have to wait and see...color me surprised or should I class it up and say Quelle Surprise?

I take the commercial break to watch Soul Plane 2 (relax it is just a Boondocks spoof and not a crime about to be perpetrated on the American public)

Ryan does his douche bag trick of calling the persons name saying he is "sorry you will have to endure the competition a little longer"...Lil you are safe!
An aside Dial Idol had such a wide range of possibilities that they had everyone BUT Gokey in danger of going home.

Kara is dancing enthusiastically as Matt sings for his life, she waves at him, and sings alongside him...there really might be a scandal to come of this somewhat bland season.

The Judges have a decision, Simon asks how many times Matt has been in the bottom 3 and tells him that he does not see him as having any chance of winning the competition, the judges argue with each other, and yell at Simon for saying that, but then Simon says... "Matt, it is good news". The other Idols hug him. I think they have forgotten that 2 people now have to go home next week AND he is part of their competition...idiots.

Next week is disco night...I kid you not, Idol has decided to play to its Audience, you know that Audience that was born FIFTEEN years after Disco was relevant!!!

The idolettes all form a circle and perform a celebratory jig because a competitor is back...I am off to eat cookies cause maybe I will die faster that way!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I tried to fight you VH1, I think you are winning

I went about 8 months without watching any reality programming on VH1. I gave up, Flavor of Love 3 and I love NY pretty much wrecked me, I was over-loaded, jaded and fatigued...and I am back. Damn you Vh-1 and your tricky moves. That show about Tools tricked me, I thought I would hate it I did at first, then I started laughing...

Rock of Love Bus? Are you kidding me a show based on a franchise that I thought was dead now goes on a bus...and I loved it.

Now tough love? You are stretching it, a match maker for a gaggle of hot chicks? Oh crap you got me again.

The worst part of your trick is that you just make it so damn convenient, I do not have to watch your shows on your schedule, each one is repeat about 20 times a week, it seems like anytime I turn on your channel one of these trashy shows is on. Heck I do not even have to watch them in order since all the episodes are basically the same mind-numbing drivel and yet I am hooked. I am afraid to do an IQ test, my IQ has probably fallen 30 points since I discovered your channel.

So what really spurred this post? Well I was watching Tough Love and could not stop laughing at how overly excited the girls were to meet some chicks boyfriend they acted as if they had all won the lottery, there were tears, hugs jumps of joy the whole 9 yards.

But maybe the best part is that they were told there would be a revelation about one of the girls and the first thing one of the girls thought was "I thought she was going to say that she has a penis"...I at first thought she was just talking for the sake of talking then I watched her reaction when the news came out and she was genuinely shocked that the girl did not reveal that she had a penis--yup these are the shows that I watch.

I hate myself for this, I also wonder, why am I not meeting these clearly damaged but hot women, I could nurture them...

They are really going to have to come up with a different word for 'Reality' programming or just always put it in quotes!

Hahah just saw the ad for the other thing that caused me to open up blogger...Vh1 has a promo for a show called Daisy of Love, it stars Daisy from Rock of Love and she is walking towards the camera in what I guess is her 'sexy walk'--or it could be her 'I am constipated but I still have to film this promo walk', I really cannot tell, all I know is, I thought it was HORRIBLE... and her delivery of the line "wanna pluck" is already annoying, I want to say I will NEVER watch that show...but!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Quick thought on Prince

He is one of the best guitarists EVER...he just does not get his due because of A. The weirdness factor, B. the Amazing song writer factor and C. (hate to say it) The black man playing rock and roll factor!


Sunday, March 22, 2009

Plain Dealer Living News -

Plain Dealer Living News -

You gotta love what March Madness will lead to! Planning when you are getting snipped just to watch the tourney!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

"Oh...Gay-rod! "

detailsfeatures1h.jpg (JPEG Image, 300x240 pixels)

It is well known that A-rod is constantly nervous about his perception in public...and then he allows this picture to be used in Details magazine!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Friday, March 06, 2009

"I'm in Miami b!t@h" video NSFW

Fun song, so you had to expect the video for it would be crazy. Again NSFW

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Really funny Mavado video!

The video is mildly safe for work but the audio is NOT!!!
Trust me the video starts off slow (almost painfully so) but the end is worth the first 20 seconds...oh man is it worth it. Cannot tell you more, cause I do not want to spoil it for you

Have fun

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Woman throwing tantrum in the airport

She missed her flight from Hong Kong to San Francisco and this is the classic reaction she gave.

I sympathize I wanted to throw a tantrum when Air Jamaica caused me to miss all departing flights out of Ft Lauderdale and I had to spend a day and night there...screw you Air Jamaica, I hope someone embarrasses y'all like this lady did to herself!!!

Oh and, she got on a flight a few hours later. She is talking in Cantonese so sorry I cannot translate for you....except: She is yelling at her husband for not telling the counter people that someone else was on their way...ok I cannot take credit for that my cantonese is not that good, that is just what said.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Jamaica parliamentarian says GAYS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO CARRY GUNS!...Father forgive my land

I AM ASHAMED TO BE JAMAICAN RIGHT AT THIS INSTANCE. Look, I constantly make fun of America so I would be less of a man if I could not shine a light on a member of my parliament making a fool of himself and his country...and getting other idiots to agree with him (listen to the peeps in the background showing assent and the Prime Minister sitting there serenely listening to him - Fire fi dem all)

Unuu should be ashamed of unnuu self. I have been told that you are a lawyer so great...I AM ASHAMED TO BE A LAWYER RIGHT AT THIS INSTANCE. Where is the reasoned discussion that is supposed to come with our profession? Where is the reasoned elaboration from examining existing arrangements?

Do you even realize that you are saying gays are less than human? Do you realize that you want to treat 'the gays' like the British used to treat us? We could fight their wars, scrub their floors, but we could never be them! My mom has said the educated people of our country will all scorn your statement but many will not say anything publicly for fear of being branded gay. Well fie on that, I will brand YOU publicly, you are disgusting, and the culture of fear that you are promoting by such speeches sitting in the seat of our government is the same reason why others will not speak out.

Our crime rate is at record levels, our economy is SUFFERING, the US dollar weakened and instead of ours gaining on it, it is moving to $90 J.A. to $1 U.S. and the big things you have to talk about are Homosexuals and Daggerin' songs? What the hell are unnuu in power to do?

Maybe they are arming themselves because some people get up in Parliament and make statements against them. Maybe because as a culture we claim to be God fearing peaceful and forgiving but then beat homosexuals or men (merely) accused of being homosexuals.

The claim that the Jamaica Constabulary Force has a large number of gays ("overrun" in your words)... So? When a thief comes into your house at night is your first thought, "I hope the policeman that shows up is not gay?" or is it "Father protect me and send help NOW!" Cause mine is the latter, I am a straight man, but if a gay policeman is the person that saves my life best believe I am hugging him! What you afraid that merely touching a gay person will make you gay too? Remember, plenty of your friends are probably on the Peter King might be too!
(a quick aside, how comes nobody can get to see those tapes? I find that very suspicious)
I want to see your stats: How many are in the J.C.F.? (not that it matters if one policeman is gay or all are, I just want to see these numbers that you so blatantly throw out)

Furthermore, you are concerned that gays are forming organizations? Really, after you just took them to task in parliament? You are lucky the only thing they are forming is peaceful organizations, after the way you just treated them, they probably should be forming militias.

When the Prime Minister said on the British Program that we will not bow to international pressure re our laws concerning gays, I applauded his stance, because I took a nationalist view. While I feel many of our laws concerning homosexuality should be changed, I do not believe any country has the right to come tell us what to do (you hear me Britain, take your Governor General and your requirement that Jamaicans, members of the bloody commonwealth have to get VISAS and go drop it inna di Queen lap). But, to say that normal (and yes gays are normal people) law abiding citizens in a country that has one of the WORST crime rates in the world, should be deprived of the right to defend themselves merely because they do not like the same things that you and I do is asinine. You sir are an ASS!

Any long time reader of the blog knows my hesitance on calling for peeps jobs (I prefer to fine and suspend most times) but here sir, you need to be removed from your post. I doubt it will ever happen but I truly wish it would.

"Come and feel the spirit,[one love, one heart] , the spirit of Jamaica, lets get together it's gonna feel all right [one love, one heart]" that is the ad used to lure tourists to Jamaica...make sure you add at the end in the fine print disclaimers like medical adverts, "...but not if you are gay, maybe gay, act like you are gay and belong to any gay supportive organizations. If you carry a licensed fire arm but happen to be gay, Jamaica may not be right for you. Known side effects are a feeling that you do not belong, that your safety is compromised and you are less than equal. If you match any of these symptoms ask your travel agent if you display any outward symptoms of gayness, if not...have a nice trip"

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Lil Wayne on ESPN's Around the Horn, and check out the smack he delivers at the end

Hottest rapper alive right now, the kid is even coming out with a rock album and he blogs for ESPN...when does this star burn out?

"Is Chris Brown in a Car Chase?" answer, nope its DJ answer; neither of them

Those were the words everyone was uttering as my bro and I entered the gym tonight around 11pm (well at least up till the question mark the answer came later). A lot of peeps were gathered around a single TV, no one was working out particularly hard and we were all staring at this image:

At the time, everyone was convinced it was Chris Brown in the car and even the TV anchors were hinting at that...turns out it was Mr. "We the Best" D.J. Khaled or at least someone who looks a lot like him. If the news had earlier been able to get this Image, the whole thing would have been put to rest! No offense to Khaled, but people just do not care as much about him as they do about Brown especially right now.

(update...the driver was taken away in an ambulance, some blogs are claiming he shot himself, some are even claiming...death)

On to Brown for a second (and for once it is not Bobby when we are talking about domestic issues) it is clear this kid is in trouble and went ridiculously too far. I can never condone what he did, but damn if even half of the rumors of what might have triggered his rage are true, I would have been pretty pissed too...but I would have been a man and NOT HIT A WOMAN!

Anyway, let the Cali J slip into gossip-blog mode for a second. I have sources (yes it is true, I really do, and I love being able to say that) in the industry who swear that Ri Ri gave him Herpes and stepped out on him with Kanye...again man if only one of those things is true I would be LIVID, if both are true, I would be flying to Jamaica to take some time off from the same country as the gyal. Not that citing another blog is definitive proof but I know some of you will want to read it elsewhere to give you a secondary source so here you go...

I cannot help it, sorry, but some peeps have claimed there was an umbrella in the car...draw your own conclusions

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Report: Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 while with Texas Rangers - ESPN --big shock

Report: Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 while with Texas Rangers - ESPN

The only things shocking about this are that MLB still calls their testing methods in 2003 anonymous and that peeps are shocked that A-Rod/A-Fraud aka Alexis might have been doping.

The Bonds case is a clear example that there was very little accountability when it came to protecting information and samples. But on to the main part of this blog.

For years when others were being accused of 'cheating' and roiding, A-rod was often given a free pass. In fact I kept hearing people rejoice in the fact that a 'clean player' like A-Rod would break Bonds' home run record. I also heard many a person say, just look at A-rod and you will know he is not juicing...o.k. WHY?

A-rod is incredibly fit, incredibly competitive and appears to be incredibly insecure, hmm to me that sounds like the same recipe that we were told drove Bonds to juice, so why would A-rod be any different? Everything we hear about A-rod says his desire is to be better than Jeter, well currently Jeter has multiple rings, multiple endorsements and has gone through so much of the FHM top 100 most beautiful list that he could probably make the hall of fame just on that. A-rods biggest claims to fame? He may be dating Madonna and he had the richest contract EVER in MLB (an almost impossible contract to live up to...wonder if that would have caused pressure to roid...I'm not saying, I'm just saying!).

A-rod has no rings, but a nation's spotlight on him, he is expected to lead Baseball in major categories but yet played for the Rangers for years and could not even get them into the Playoffs with the Yanks he can not get them World Series wins...and no one thinks he might take a cheat route?

A-rod started as a SHORTSTOP! No one expects shortstops to hit for power yet A-rod is able to lead or be near the top of the league in home runs? Yes I know he was shifted to 3rd base when he joined the Yankees but that was because they had JETER! If anyone but Jeter had been there A-rod would still be a shortstop on pace to break MLB's all time HOMERUN RECORD!!

Spare me the "this is shocking" attitude, pitchers were roiding up, so I think peeps need to get off their high horses about the stats that batters posted,for all we know many of the dings that Bonds got came off pitchers that were only able to stay in the majors because they were on the Juice.

p.s. GREG MADDUX better be a unanimous hall of fame vote (stop this asinine no one gets in with a 100% ballot) no hint of roids, the most consistent pitcher for 20 years (in a roids period) best gold glove pitcher EVER, and he got my Braves a World Series ring. All hail the Mad Dog!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

When grown men cry...vol 3.5336

I am not the crying type, do not do it at funerals, do not do it at weddings, sad movies anything. My bro does not shed tears either, and nor does the other male companion at the dinner. Forgive my sexism here for not listing the women but the post is titled "when grown men cry".

I made some jerk seasoning last night, the flavor was amazing but "oh my goodness, oh no, oh no oh no"...those are words that were echoed all night as tears poured from eyes as sweat sprung from my brow. My heart literally felt like it stopped (I think it might have). My bro had to walk outside into the cold air, our friend started gasping and doubled over in pain, and I, the Cali Jamaican, the man who created the meal, ran to the refrigerator poured a tall glass of milk and started gargling with it. I had made the spiciest jerk chicken and shrimp meal I have ever made in my life.

The pepper literally had me screaming, thank goodness we were out in the woods of Malibu. I have never experienced heat like that. It gave me instant hiccups and I could not stop the eyes from 'bleeding'.

The craziest part is that Sarah sat serenely across from us just staring at us as if nothing was wrong. I thought I was 2 steps away from death, and Sarah was in Oliver Twist mode "please sir can I have some more".

We killed a couple bottles of wine, a whole bottle of vodka, almost half a container of soy milk and tonnes of cups of water and I still feel as if my body is on fire. It is now 24 hours later and I am still haunted by the fire of it. The best part is, it tasted so damn good that we kept eating the food, even though we were suffering.

On a brighter or should it be lighter note, my scallops were judged "perfect" I was so damn happy. I always find scallops so damn challenging to make, they are so finicky. But I broiled them with some sea salt, garlic, ginger, sugar, olive oil and fresh cracked pepper and they just seemed to take the 'perfect' level of flavor.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Oakland Seethes Over Police Shooting

Oakland Seethes Over Police Shooting

Whew what a way to return to blogging, I was going to make my first blog of the new year my rant against my mistreatment by Air Jamaica ( I will still get to that) but this is more important.

Strange to me that you never seem to hear about 'accidental' shootings of white men. The accompanying videos are graphic, and even for those desensitized by video game violence you might have a 'gasp moment'

As noted by Shehryar (thanks for letting me know the updates) if there had not been video for this, it might have been just "another average story no one hears about"

I do not know why the cop found it necessary to draw a piece, (some say he thought it was a Tazer, I thought he might have drawn the gun to intimidate) what I do know is that once you draw a weapon of any sort you better be damn careful with it...he was not!
The link shows the video from one angle. They seemed to have the guy under control, there does not seem to be a reason for the gun/taser (if he thought he was pulling that).

Let me address the Taser v Gun thing...Do you not know the difference between a gun and a Taser? Do they not have different handles, look, feel and Safeties?

I thought that cops were supposed to be more and more reluctant to reach for Tasers? And are you supposed to Taser someone who is face down with another cops knee on their neck?

A 22 year old man, face down shot in the back, sounds like a damn execution...if one did not know that the cops were involved you would think it were a gang style killing!

Note that one of the persons who took the video wants to remain anonymous...think he fears reprisals from the cops?

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.