Infrequently updated consistently funny

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

The family of Cali J and the Cali Jamaican group of companies would like to wish you all the very best this holiday.

Allow me a quick moment of non-modesty (some might say the C-J is never modest) I cooked a fairly significant portion of today's feast and got rave reviews. Which worked out well since I was sweating bullets until the moment my pops approved the meal.

Now that I know that they enjoyed it, my xmas feels even better. Now if I can just convince myself not to go to Special Delivery at this time of the night I will feel excellent...if the $4000 price my boy quoted me is legit I cannot in good conscience link a session on Xmas night for that price!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Another unbloggable night v20.07

You know a night was crazy when you run to your shower rather than to your room upon getting in just because you feel the scent of the night's debaucheries might be so strong on you that it might wake your parents and you need to shower them off immediately!

If you are privy to the Cali J's addition to the lexicon that is urbandictionary.com you will have an idea of why he had to shower so quickly

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers! Tila Tequila and a lesson in economics

So I know a lot of peeps would say this is not shocking, but to me it is! Let us take a quick rundown of why I am surprised.

1. She is 16 and wealthy; teen pregnancy is on the decline among all social levels but especially among the wealthy
2. Her sister is Britney; if seeing that train wreck did not swear her off having kids nothing would
3. She is on a Nickelodeon show; shows like that tend to frown severely upon unplanned pregnancies and especially unplanned pregnancies by their teen-stars
4. Seriously Brit is her sister; come on, how could she practice unsafe sex with that role model as her sister???
5. Seriously condoms are cheap; no matter how much you might cry that you are spending on condoms...and if you are spending enough that you honestly have to cry about it then trust me, most peeps do not care about your pain...kids will always cost more than condoms do! Just a thought for those who are deficient in economic theory.

I saw the finale of 'A shot at love with Tila Tequila'...interesting finish, but the choice I expected, will not blog about it more since would not want to give away the finish but it was decent, as my boy Flavor Flav would say, nothing "too dramatical"

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I love my parents' sarcasm vol 2.4

I love the fake surprise that my father exhibits any time he finds out that I am home at 1.30am on a Sunday morning. Peeps wonder why I am so caustically sarcastic and then they meet my folks and I get a knowing nod.

Love my mom's reaction to me being home: "What happened none of your friends wanted to lose their lives tonight?" Oh mom, you kidder! Back to the grind in the morrows, let's see if I remember how to play a piano!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Eating Raw Milo!

I do not know what it is, I do not know why I cannot resist it, I do not know why it calls to me; but, if there is Milo in the house I cannot help but pour a scoopful into my hand and begin to eat it.

This was all well and good when I was a kid, even when I was a teenager, but, I am a grown man, I really should be able to resist it…but, I cannot. Tonight I was craving a snack, opened the cupboard, saw a packet of Milo initially walked away, checked the other cupboards and the refrigerator, yet felt called to the Milo. So of course scoop to the hand and happiness ensued…

Now I am sitting here wondering what is wrong with me. How can someone be that addicted to dry Milo? “Yeesh G, get control of yourself.” One of the funniest parts of the situation (at least to me) is that I think I prefer dry over the actual finished product even though the finished product contains condensed milk which is another thing I used to eat out of the middle of my hand (do not do that one anymore, way too sweet and clawing).

This late night snacking will probably defeat the 4lbs I took off last week.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Beauty Pageants are AWESOME!

Oh man I must be getting old, I actually watched a Barbara Walters' Special and enjoyed it!

Now on to something that is keeping me fascinated despite the fact that I never watch Beauty pageants. I think the last time I watched a beauty Pageant was when Lisa Hanna was competing or maybe a few after that. Definitely have not seen one since I left Jamaica. But what I do like following is all the drama that seems to have accompanied beauty pageants this year. Let's take a peek at what has happened this year more than one winner of Ms.(insert state here) has lost their crown some because scandalous (still love that word) pictures showed up, a baby showed up in the belly or coke showed up in the nose. Miss USA herself had to be pardoned on national TV by that great arbiter of moral conflict Donald Trump.

I mean seriously you should check out the pictures of Ms. Nevada kissing, interacting with her public , and making sure that she is hands on with everyone (go check them out, I will wait for you here)...(told you they were crazy!).

When Ms. Congeniality came out it seemed so far fetched...now I am just waiting to hear about some girl going nuts and trying to take over the world. After all the Miss Puerto Rico pageant was already sabotaged with allegations of pepper spray to make up and clothing!


Finally the one closest to me; my home state of California has recently had its own scandal. The idiots running Miss California somehow miscalculated the votes, awarded the crown to the wrong girl, then had to take the title back and give it to the proper winner and peeps are now wondering why the girl that just lost (2xs) is planning to sue? These are accusations no beauty pageant wants written in a column "Silva, 24, lives in L.A.'s Koreatown and is of Ecuadoran and Mexican descent. Was she too ethnic? Too urban? Did judges find some dirty secret in her past at the last minute?"

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

"Paranoia, paranoia everybody's coming to get me"

This was one of my favorite songs in 1998. Then I found this awesome viral video. It is one of the better home-made videos this year. These peeps all work for the same tech company and apparently did this vid in one take, one day after work.

Looks like a fun environment...and their website says they are hiring.

Lip Dub - Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger from amandalynferri on Vimeo.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Cali J - just like clockwork!

Wake up, eat some bad food, feel bad about it, eat some ice cream, feel better, hit the gym at some late night point and work out to the point of being so sore that blogging is difficult. I swore I was taking today off from working out until today's dinner consisted of an apple (I started of so good), then a granola bar (low fat version - still doing well) then 6 cookies...*sigh*

"Bu-bu-bu-but wait it gets worse" I ate the apple, cookies and granola cause I was so sore and tired from working out combined with laziness brought about by watching excessive amounts of football (great games this weekend) that I just could not be bothered to cook or pick up dinner. So of course the A/C/G did not fill me up so I had a scoop of low fat ice-cream (with milk - so damn good), then I realized I needed protein so I broiled some bacon! At this point I realized "Cot damn this is crazy and possibly suicidal" and thus knew today could not be a day-off from the gym day. So it was off to go swim and jump rope. Now I smell like chlorine (despite 2 showers; how is it that you can never seem to get the smell of chlorine out of your nostrils for a couple hours after swimming) and I am so sore that I feel like Britney Spears after a Friday night (draw your own conclusion on that one).

Friday, November 30, 2007

Naked men, white kids, and me working out

So I rode to the gym tonight (let me point out again; I love San Diego, I rode in a T-shirt and shorts on a November night, meanwhile my boy is IM-ing this from Philly "I f-ing hate you, the temperature here is 32" to which I responded with "Too bad man, it is 65 here" I cannot post his reply). While locking the bike up near an ATM these young white kids rolled up and one was telling this story:

"Man my high school was 94% f-ing blacks 1% Asian and the remaining 1% white" (note apparently his high school did not teach math - which I thought immediately was going to be awesome when he tried to count his money coming out of the ATM)
- Kid then notices the 210lb Black man locking up his bicycle and gives the guilty I got busted start and pauses his story. He then nudges his companions another skinny guy and a girl that looked like the last time she saw sun it was a Disney movie.
- Not knowing what to do he pauses mid-story and immediately launches into
"I wonder how much this ATM is going to charge for getting cash"
- So of course I could not resist messing with him. I lock my bike, take out my lifting gloves, stand behind him at the ATM slowly putting on the gloves and say:
"Hey man why don't you finish that story" (if you have ever heard my voice you might understand why a kid that [may have been] telling a racist story would not want to hear it).
He responds" "Oh I was just telling them how many kids went to my school, that was it I swear" (voice cracks)
I continued: "Oh yea, that was cool man, so how much cash are WE pulling out?"
At that point I was barely keeping myself from laughing because these kids were definitely now concerned about getting jacked...just as he was about to stammer out a reply, it started out like this "uh uh uh Uh [glance around]" I saved him further embarrassment and said: "Nice meeting y'all, look out for those black kids, something tells me they hated you" and then hit the gym. (Felt like a great warm-up for lifting).

But the emotional high that I got from messing with that idiot kid was immediately removed when I sat on the locker room bench to adjust my shoes and the guy next to me who was already invading my personal space dropped trough. Now I have already gotten over my personal hangups of seeing naked men in the gym (did not see it in high school so never got used to it like my American counterparts), but I am still not used to having someone comfortable enough to expose themselves casually infront of me.

Bu-bu-bu- bu-but wait it gets worse, not only has he dropped trough right beside me, I am basically trapped because now he is naked, right beside me and in front of my locker (between my bench and my locker) oh and did I mention that I have my head down because I am adjusting my shoes??? I wanted to discreetly slide down the bench but no such luck I am hemmed in. So what do I do? The only thing I could do. NOTHING. I just stared straight at my shoes, tied my laces, pretended nothing had happened told him he was in my way and grabbed my towel out of my locker. Thing is, I understand that you have to get naked to go shower etc, but is it necessary to get naked in my personal space? And once naked, shouldn't you be hauling ass to either shower or put some clothes on? It is just weird to me for someone to get naked and then just stand beside me not saying a word, and not apparently moving to do anything about his situation. Sorry for the rant meatball hope this has not become your exclusive domain.

Finally, my other blog has allowed me a little artistic freedom, and take jabs (humorous I hope) at friends...just throwing out a casual warning - Assassin, FN, SSV, Baker, Robin, etc!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Quotes by pregnant starlets...you gotta love them.

"Because I hadn't said anything, people thought I was trying to keep it this big, bad secret, and that's not the case at all. I just wasn't commenting. I'm not being like, `Hey everybody, I'm pregnant!' I'm not that girl."

That was Christina Aguilera in the same magazine that she poses on the cover with her shirt open to reveal her pregnancy...I love Starlets.

Can Britney Spears really be pregnant again? Is that possible? I thought certain 'medication' made it harder to become pregnant?

Monday, November 26, 2007

American Gladiators is back!

I put an exclamation on the title but maybe that should be a question mark. I mean AG was cheesy even in the 90s I cannot imagine how extra cheesy it is going to be now. Yet, I am still kind of excited. It will not be a show that I will watch on even a semi-consistent basis, but I will check out a few of the episodes.

And if you doubt me on the cheesiness level check out the names of the "gladiators":
Original six Gladiators (from Wikipedia)

* Malibu
* Lace
* Gemini
* Zap
* Nitro
* Sunny
Unbeatable!

But the icing on the cake...the announced hosts for the New AG are HULK HOGAN and LAILA ALI, no really I am serious, I swear!

Man NBC must be desperate for programming!

Apple Pies and conveniences

I made 2 apple pies last week for thanksgiving weekend. For the first time ever I used a kitchen stand peeler/slicer/corer and I must say...it was awesome. I peeled, sliced and cored a dozen apples so quickly I did it during a commercial break of 'Dirty Sexy Money' (I just love that shows title). Now I am thinking I have to get the damn thing. That is always the problem with trying out anything cool that others have. I am used to sitting in front of a TV and painstakingly peeling apple upon apple and then hand coring them and THEN slicing them to a thin level.

Question is, do I want to purchase another kitchen item that will only be used once in a blue moon?

I loved the crust of the pies I made last week, I am actually not the biggest pie fan, but I am the biggest fan of pie-crusts. So much to the point that when I finished Robin's slice I ate the crust and ignored the filling. Tried out an egg-wash for the first time, it gives great color and allows a nice sheen to the pie topper.

Always my friends - Go with home-made crusts v store bought for gift pies...it always brings the joy!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

IluvNY, Punks jump up to get beat down...

So I know there are those that love that cat Chance from last year. I am personally in the camp that thinks the kid is a gimmick, a show. I watched his 'fights' last night and in everyone of them he takes a step back when the cat is bigger than him. And in all his fights he waits until he is restrained before suddenly 'acting a fool.' I know I am a hot-head yet I hate fighting, but I will trash talk with the best of them. I never like to throw blows so I will sometimes jaw and jaw to the point that a fight seems inevitable. But if a fight breaks out, I do not then run behind the largest obstacle I can find and then start throwing words and drinks at my opponents. (sorry I know the above is convoluted but I am tired - forgive me)

I think Lil Wayne aka Weezy says it best: "I aint never ran from a playa
and i damn sure aint bout to pick today, to start runnin" --Duffle Bag boy

That being said, starting fights for no reason is childish, going out looking for a fight is ridiculous...step your game up people and rise above.

"Go get your weave fixed...you silicone breast wearing bitch" Hahah classic, I do not remember hearing implants described as 'silicone wearing'. The kid may have been fake and he may have been faking that he likes women, but he delivered a great line.

Phenomenal HIMYM tonight...

One of those episodes that while watching it you know you are going to have to view it a second time just to get all they joy out of it. How on earth did I live before DVR? Badly, that is the answer BADLY!

I weep for America, you might ask: Why? And you ask that because you know I will tell you. I weep because Nickelback has an album on the billboard charts that is now over SIX TIMES PLATINUM. Let that seep in, I am telling you that SIX MILLION copies of a Nickelback album have been sold.

So after that shocking discovery I had to check and see who else has topped 6 million and saw Avril Lavigne, Limp Bizkit, Britney Spears, 50 cent and others(just check the link). We are DOOMED AS A COUNTRY. On the plus side, if I release an album I just have to make sure that my lyrics are repetitive, inane and carry a catchy hook. I am thinking Grammy baby!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

In anticipation of tomorrow's HIMYM...slap bet

So there has been a lot of setup for Monday's HIMYM episode so I expect great things. In anticipation of the countdown of the Slap Counter. I am dropping in this clip of Slap Bet.

By the way, if you are not watching Mayweather/Hatton 24/7 and you are a boxing fan, you are depriving yourself of a visual treat. I said it in the buildup to the De La Hoya fight...Floyd is bloody crazy! And that makes him awesome to watch. The kid is a machine, I know Hatton is undefeated and the pride of the British Empire but Floyd is an all time great. My only fear is that all the craziness that surrounds Floyd must distract him.

On to the Slaps
"What would you expect? You have seen my Penis!"

Saturday, November 17, 2007

One year ago...

My boys and I consumed insane amounts of alcohol because bar results came out and we had passed. Tonight, we consumed insane amounts of alcohol because we were happy that it was a full year from one of the worst days of our lives and we were toasting those of our friends that had passed.

Until you live it, you will never understand the fear that comes with waiting for the bar. I have seen dead bodies, I have had a root canal, I have had the last rites given to me, I have been dumped and yet I still cannot think of a worse day than the day I had to wait for the bar.

Tonight was off the chain, I cannot say why, because it is still at that delicate stage of "Damn son your girl is crazy" but it was good.

Good to see the Persian mafia together again, even if one of them rolled out like a preppy kid from one of those horrible 80s movies. And that includes 16 candles, Top gun and Can't buy me love...they all sucked. But it does not include Princess Bride and The Breakfast Club, but it does also include 80s music. Yes I said it...The 80s are the most over-rated period of music EVER!

Time to set a dinner menu.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO PASSED THE BAR! Bad luck to my friends who were not that fortunate, these things happen and you will be able to move on, even if right now seems unbelievably painful.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

THREE AM TEXT MESSAGES!

Now most people know what it means to get a text message or call past 1am! And we all know nothing good happens after 2am. Well at 3am I received not one but 2 text messages back to back. One would think it must be an urgent request. Well I flicked my phone over to see two text messages from...SPRINT. Yup my phone company gave me a b-text in the middle of the night.

Of course this means that I now have to call them later in the day and raise Cain, cause beyond the fact that they annoy me by sending me the texts they sent them in the middle of the NIGHT!

Glad to see that Arrested Development is back
! I was a big fan of the album "3 Years, 5 Months & 2 Days in the Life of..."
Hopefully they come to SD at some point!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Monday, November 12, 2007

"She's a keeper, just keep her somewhere else"

That is what Robin dropped in regards to Ted's new girlfriend and I fell out of my chair laughing.

"Do raisins have a brain?" So starts the Smart Start creepy cereal ad! What makes them think that I want to think about raisins having a brain when eating my morning meal? It does not help that raisins already kind of look like brains.

This OJ Vegas thing is already turning out more entertaining than I expected!

The Visa is faster than cash ads only make sense when ordering fast food - No offense but many of those workers seem to go brain dead when dispensing change. Otherwise the ads are visually appealing intellectually silly.

I should never ever, call you.

I Love NY has opened my eyes up to what a bunch of 'thugs' will do to get a 'lady'.

I love the Xmas period because it brings back Egg nogg ice cream; only one problem - This should not count as the Xmas period, it is not even bloody Turkey day yet.

Hahah I just saw a clip of competitive bar-tending, yes it is as bad as it sounds!

"War-lord trash-a-gold
" Do not believe me? Ask him! Great you-tubes for my American friends who I am constantly trying to teach patois.

Jane Seymour is still
getting it done!

I have decided that 8 o'clock is the cut off time for young kids to watch TV, after that the material becomes decidedly adult, and that counts for the comedies and dramas.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

How could she do that? v3.43

One of my boys found out that his girl was cheating on him. But he found out in a fashion calculated to cause pain and my heart goes out to him. Thing is, no matter how bad one feels it seems like you can always find someone worse off than you. I mean plenty a time I have felt like I was done wrong by a woman, but never in the fashion that he was hit with.

So my boy is hurt to the point that he is plotting criminal activity (nothing physical) but still criminal. I was amused by the fact that I had to counsel against illegal activity and replay the things that are illegal to do to others...no matter how good they might feel.

Thankfully (as far as I know) I have never been cheated on. And long time readers will remember that I go by the Mario Winans' school of thought. Thing is, if someone has hooked you up, and given you everything you need in life, but yet you still feel unfulfilled, maybe it is better for you to just walk away rather than being so underhanded.

Remember though, sometimes things happen, sometimes you might do things that are outside the normal bounds of a relationship (not just saying that cause I might feel guilty about my past or anything) but there is stretching the bounds of decency and then there is swallowing what is not yours! Make of that what you must, I have only been allowed so much permission.

You know things are bad when something that happens to a friend affects you so badly that you are actually mad at the ne'er-do-well.

I close with this:
"Somebody said they saw you
The person you were kissing wasn't me
And I would never ask you
I just kept it to myself

I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know"

-- I don't Wanna know by Mario Winans

Hot girls always make me wary!

So tonight I was hanging out with 2 rather hot young women on the harbor cruise. There is a slight problem with hanging with hot women; not the fact that they know they are hot; not the fact that they can be cocky (these girls were funny not cocky); not even the fact that you sometimes wonder if they are just spending the time looking at their own reflections; nope the major problem is that every moron in the damn spot wants to step to you and your companions.

It was definitely a confusing night though, combine the fact that the girl to guy ratio was the best I have ever seen in San Diego and probably in the top 3 of girl-guy ratios I have ever seen with the fact that 80% of the peeps were drunk or toked out of their minds and you get a night filled with peeps making out on the dance floor and peeps trying to finger bang (and if u do not know what the last one is - then I applaud you for your innocence). I almost felt like I was in college again :) !

It is also always cool/fun to roll with your boy who is a promoter, it leads to a VIP experience and allows you to roll in anywhere. Combine it with the cockiness of wearing a shirt that has pink, orange and purple in it, and a blazer and forgive me if I SWAGGER a bit when sauntering into a bar!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

A Shot at Cold Sores with Tila Tequila, v.2.23 (shout out to Mike)

"I need at least 9 times a day" So hearing that in the background I figured it must be her talking about drinking water...nope. This is how many times a day Tila Tequila claims she HAS to touch herself and yet they make all those false claims about men and our urges?

So I have always maintained that I am afraid of having a girl because I know what boys are like and I would be afraid of having my daughter out in the real world, but now...Yeesh, this show is making me afraid of just having any kids. I would be mortified if any child of mine showed up on a show like this.

I know reality shows are the quick road to C-list stardom for alot of peeps, but if my kid ever told me they wanted to go on one of these type of shows I would immediately offer to pay them whatever money they would make on the damn show just to stay of it. I would tend allow them to drop out of school for a year to go to acting school, anything to not have them ridicule the family in such a fashion...Then again no kid of mine could be moronic enough to ever go on a show like this.

Still not sure how on earth Tila Tequila is this popular, she lacks the charisma of a Flavor Flav, or the sheer craziness of New York, her personality seems like it was manufactured with lead paint and her 'beauty' is average in terms of Hollywood. So props to her because clearly she knows how to market herself!

Just a thought MTV, if you are showing a replay of a show that ends with an elimination, it is a bit silly to show a promo of the next week's episode showing who is up for elimination, kind of ruins the suspense of the epi I am watching!

Oh and for all those peeps who have just been watching hoping for a cat-fight, next week is your week.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

San Diego complete booze ban on beaches

So the city of San Diego has finally done it...Booze is completely banned on all city beaches! I have been in San Diego 4 plus years and this issue constantly comes up.

I personally do not believe that alcohol needs to be banned on beaches, but then again, I have not had to deal with the rowdy idiots that make life hell for the peeps who live near PB.

I would MUCH prefer a ban on smoking on the beach, I have never been bothered by someone drinking next to me on the beach, but I have definitely been bothered by smoke blowing over from the person sitting next to me.

Next they should ban those roided up fools that are constantly trying to take up space on the beach to show off to their overly bleached, overly (spray) tanned, overly waxed barbies...though on that last one I might just be bitter!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

An interesting article on marriage

I read this article while watching the game...amazing what I will read while watching peeps beat their brains in (go Colts - I hate the Patriots) and it led me to some thoughts. The writer has in my view missed the point of marriage. She appears to think of marriage as the bringing of 2 parts and the retention of separate but equal entities. BUT, I disagree! If you have read my blog you know I am not the most sentimental of persons but what I do value is marriage, trust and love.

A marriage is not just about 2 people coming together to share things, a marriage is about 2 people coming together to become ONE! The bible says "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" I can understand a marriage where both persons are temporarily separated due to jobs etc, but to willingly choose to live such a lifestyle is not a marriage but an arrangement of convenience.

SELAH

- Your Sunday word.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Can you truly be over someone...

If you can still become jealous over them? I have said it before but it still haunts me: Sometimes you realize that you are just not over something or someone. The problem lies in having that feeling for more than one thing. Oh well, recognition of the stresser is the first step to making sure you can handle it. Even if it leads to painful text messages.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Hingis out thanks to coke...

So Martina Hingis has a positive test for cocaine and suddenly resigns? Thing is, even if she is 100% innocent it seems weird to suddenly retire.

Sucks to see a once brilliant career end like this. I wonder if the 2 years off were spent partying.

Happy Birthday to...

The princess of the ATX Zandra!

"Tell your girl to stop yanking on my carrot!"

When your costume allows you to start a conversation with the above words you know that the night is going to be FAN-wait for it -TASTIC!

I truly believe that the fact that so many girls dress 'sluttily' in their regular nights out, that Halloween has been damaged as the "slutty night out." Kind of along the lines of, if you have top quality wine every night it is hard to be impressed by top shelf wine on a weekend. Well, if girls are constantly showing it all off, on a night when the showing it off comes with a garish color pattern, you tend not to be so shocked by it.

In fact a young lady tonight was literally wearing lingerie and for a while I thought it was just a dress.

So rolling out with my boy John (J.lo the tall Azn) was a bit of a treat tonight since I had a built in wing-man and someone who is just as willing as I am to crack a joke, no matter who is in front of us.

(an aside- John is clearly Asian, and if you have seen me [I am clearly black] this white chick came up to us, started flirting, then dropped the bf bomb which of course meant that I started tuning out but then she said something that dragged me back into the convo..."Hey I am going to tell you a joke, I hope you do not get too offended" at this point I knew it was going to be a bad and probably racist joke, she did not disappoint. I have no clue what makes peeps think it will be cool to drop that to peeps they do not know...to John's credit he seemed to take it well...meanwhile I am half lecturing her but in mid sentence trail off cause some girl grabbed me by the tail and told me we had to take a picture - good times)

So I have discovered, girls cannot resist fuzzy out-fits! I have also discovered that fuzzy out-fits cause you to sweat out pounds of fluid. I came home and the stuff I wore to protect my skin from the costume was dripping wet!

I never understand peeps who need X to have a great time in the club. If E is the only way you are going to have fun at a party, maybe you should not go to the party. Nonetheless, watching this kid go nuts in the bar while on E was an amazing experience and it brought a lot of fun to the proceedings, even if some of it was wondering when he was going to pass out.

It was also worth the trip to see that John has as bad a time at reading signals as I do. Some chicks made eyes with us, and neither of us knew what to do...good times!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

FEMA stages fake news conference

Ok so this news is a couple days old but still funny to me. FEMA in response to the Cali wild-fires held a news conference...With one major catch. THERE WERE NO NEWS REPORTERS in the conference.

FEMA is so stupidly run, it almost makes me wonder why we bother to have it at all. What is the sense of a disaster agency that acts like a disaster? If we have to spend so much time watching over FEMA is it really of any use to us?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

What is with the spitting?

So first Pumkin did it on Flavor of Love 1 and now Tailor Made did it on I love NY. Is there some racial component I am missing? Is there some punk-bitch gene that I miss why I find this completely reprehensible? I have definitely been in situations where I have wanted to do something to someone that is so much bigger than me that I know they would wreck me in a real fight, yet I have never thought to spit on them.

Hmm, who knows maybe it is because my parents raised me to respect everyone. There are no such people as the little people. Just small-minded people.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

"A shot at Herpes with Tila Tequila"

Just finished watching 'A shot at herpes with Tila Tequila' (I have been told that that is not the real title, but I have to think that was the original title until someone in production went "Hey that might not make it past the censors") and damn that show is nasty!

I have to say, if you are on a show, where you are trying to get with a claimed bi-sexual, it might not be the wisest thing to make-out with your competition and probably bang your other competition. Lots of peeps talk about sleeping their way to the top, but sleeping your way to the bottom? STUPID!

This is definitely one of the weirdest shows I have seen recently, and that is saying something when I am a publicly declared proud fan of 'I love NY'.

Looking at Tila Tequila, I gotta say...I do not get it...what is the fascination peeps have with her?

Sorry coz, hope my TV choices do not scare you re your upcoming trip!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Mini fire update...

Unfortunately homes in Poway are burning, Solana beach and Mira Mesa were both evacuated. And amazingly Del-Mar has been threatened. The fires seem to be everywhere, I have never been more thankful that I live downtown.

The latest fire map can be found here (sorry I do not know how to post pdf images in blogger). If you look at the map, you will see how crazy the level of evacuation is. 100s of thousands of acres have been burned, over a quarter million people have been displaced, everything is covered in ash, I thought the Cedar fires were some of the craziest things I would ever see in terms of fire...looks like I was wrong.

My prayers go out to all!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Fire map updates!

Unfortunately some assholes have started additional fires. Anyway, this map is a few hours old but it gives an idea of all the craziness. Solana beach, scripps, poway, Rancho B, Mira Mesa have all either been evacuated or on an evacuation alert


View Larger Map

Sunday, October 21, 2007

My eyes are burning, I am sneezing and the air around me is thick

San Diego has 2 major fires burning. Downtown and the East Village are surrounded in smoke and unfortunately it seeps in everywhere...all my windows are closed and yet still I cannot stop inhaling the damn smoke.

I am hoping for the best for my friends who have had to pack up and evacuate, I pray that your stuff remains safe, but more importantly I pray for your safety.

I hope these fires are brought under control soon.

For those who need more information, emergency info and evacuation notices are posted here http://www.sdcountyemergency.com/

Map of the various So Cal Fires...thanks Becky!

Cal v UCLA also known as...

How to spend a Saturday having peeps scream out "Texas?" at you because you are wearing orange. Too lazy and tired to blog now but, it was a great game. Rough loss for Cal, good comeback for UCLA.

And let me say it now, if everyone in the Pac 10 ends up with a conference loss "NO ONE IN THE PAC 10 deserves to play in the Rose Bowl." No team that loses to Notre Dame this year should play in a BCS bowl...I would have said the same thing about losing to Stanford but I reserve judgment on that while they appear to be winning a bit. So if UCLA comes out as the top team in the Pac 10, they should get the holiday bowl!
--Then again even if UCLA goes to the Rose Bowl they will lose it so what the hell, at least that way they will not have to travel back home to cry.
SELAH

Friday, October 19, 2007

Word of the day...inquietude

As in, the Cali-J is suffering from inquietude at the thought of his baby-cousin being here for a weekend with the SSV!

I swear that if any of my reprobate friends calls my cousin a callipygian, this sesquipedalian will consider it perfidious and have to hit them so hard they will never be an osculator.

Time to put on the good-coz hat and pretend that my weekends are quiet affairs.

Hahah it is just my luck that the weekend my Coz and the SSV happen to be in town is also H-ween weekend...And I am the moron who suggested we hit up a H-ween party...I need a time machine.

SELAH

Thursday, October 18, 2007

My Halloween Costume

So I finally picked up my Halloween costume. I originally wanted to go as Pooh Bear (I loved the books as a kid, and if you did not like to walk around talking about rumblings in your tummy and dreaming about getting your hand stuck in a honey pot, or wondering if you could get stuck in a hole cause your baby fat was rounding out nicely ---then you did not live) but that plan fell apart when a good pooh costume became impossible to find and cost prohibitive to have one sent to me b4 the first set of parties that I will be hitting up.

So I picked up a home-made costume from La Mesa (by the way La Mesa is barely San Diego, I do not care what their urban planners say) and I like it because it is simple and I am not the biggest fan of having to dress up, hence I was going with the simplicity of just throwing on a Pooh costume.

I like the costume but there is one MAJOR PROBLEM...how on earth do I pee when wearing it? This is not even a lift the leg up and go costume, or a roll down the front flap discreetly like some of my other costumes. This is a full on, you have to take this sucker off completely to micturate. Now I know for most peeps this would not be a problem, you would just hold it all night, but for me this is a CALAMITY!

Here is the problem: My body cannot hold alcohol, all my friends know, the minute I drink any alcohol I immediately have to relieve myself...it is already looking like a dry H-ween for me, either that or it is going to get really awkward in the men's room when I start stripping in front of a urinal, if I cannot get a stall. I just have to remember not to tap my feet next time I am in there.

Of Knives and pain

So I cook alot, no secret there, but I rarely nick myself with knives (for the amount I cook I have been fairly lucky) so when I cut myself I am usually pretty surprised. Today I managed to slice my thumb at the point that connects it to the rest of my hand. Instant pain, but as usual my first reaction is not to immediately take care of the cut but instead to make sure no blood gets near the food and that what I was prepping can be left alone for enough time for me to take care of the hand.

If you have never gotten cut in that groove let me tell you IT SUCKS. Every bloody thumb movement causes pain. Weird thing is, the knife I was using is practically as sharp and as thin as a scalpel, so you can barely see the wound, in fact shortly after cleaning it up I had a hard time finding it while staring at my hand then I moved my thumb and a thin line of blood suddenly appeared and I went "Ah there it is!"

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Could the government be using Odonata Anisoptera for spying?

Dragonflies, to those who didn't have to sift through west Texas mud as part of completing their major.

Apparently rumors are flying that the government is going to use bug-spy equipment, basically the idea is to make spy equipment that will look like insects...that is so bloody awesome and so bloody scary all at the same time.

By the way, I have always thought that Odonata specifically Zygoptera and Anisoptera are some of the coolest things on earth. Next time you see one, take some time to consider, just how awesome it is. Image of a Dragonfly from Romania

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Cal loss, and partying with my brother!

An amazing thing about Cal losses, when Cal loses, almost immediately the cell phones of my Cal friends fail to work...almost miraculous. Of course when Texas suffers the occasional defeat the phones seem to work well enough to call me pretty much instantly. But I bear no grudges, hearing this from my friend let me realize just how much this loss broke my friends' spirits "I cannot come out tonight I am so depressed I just realized we will never ever be #1." Well he might be right, but it is pretty funny to see them come back to reality...even though Cal is my favorite West Coast team, I know and many of their 'honest' fans know, they have the WORST fans in the nation and they did not deserve to be #1...I dreaded hanging around them if they had been #1.

I will be at the CAL v UCLA game, so hit me up if you will be there.

It was amazing partying with my bro tonight, to see him work the crowd like a pro, like a relaxed pimp. But the most amazing part was to see him pick up women younger than the ones that were with me. This is not to say that he was taking home some young skank, what it means is that the women I was talking to were WAY TOO DAMN OLD! What has happened to me, older women are now drawn to me like a moth to a flame.

56-3. THE HORNS ARE BACK (even if it was just Iowa State)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Beach Booze Ban...why must we always over-react?

San Diego is again considering banning alcohol on all beaches, 365, 24/7. As a citizen of a country that does not have such restrictions I am always amazed at how these things get so over-blown. I was on the beach for Labor day and say the things that led to the Labor day riot that is now triggering the over-reaction. I can tell you much of this was due to the cops' failure to control situations. What typically happens is that they clamp down too hard on some peeps and let others get to the point where only a spark is needed to cause a riot.

I am watching the San Diego news as I blog, It has become a nightly comedy for me (whenever I remember to catch it). They just described 5 kids getting Chicken pox in Santee as an EPIDEMIC! Fans of hyperbole much? I mean come on NBC, when I was 10, 6 kids in my prep school got chicken pox, 2 were my friends should I have been immediately quarantined? Did I survive the great epidemic, the plague of the Liguanea Plains?

So the main reason I am watching is because they previewed "Phantom phone vibrations" and I had to watch it cause I "SUFFER FROM IT" (sorry had to use exclamations - never know I might need to audition to work for NBC)

Of course there is a Panda story, there is always a Panda story. If you have ever seen Anchorman and thought it was all a comedy YOU ARE WRONG...it is basically a documentary on San Diego news, only problem their newscast was much more serious than the drivel we really have.

This is Raider's week, and the news is begging the SD fans to not sell their tix to Raider's fans, but as the newscaster rightly said "It is probably already too late to tell you that"

Our news SUCKS! I am glad that we rarely have violent crimes here in SD, but I wish they would just be honest about it and cut the news down to 15 minutes or if we must keep it half an hour, show some international news (we do border an international country after all) or some National news.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Happy Birthday to...

My DAD!
I love you Sir, many happy returns!

See what happens when your wife is a "Whooourree"

Props to Bex for sending me this! So this dude after 15 years of marriage, puts his wife's face on his back only to find out she is cheating on him!

My rule is, never go permanent on something that is not!

Granted much in that article seems strange, like the fact that the cheating wife is posing with the cuckolded hubbie then wearing the same dress and make up she is posing with the boy-toy. Clearly all the pix were done on the same day and there is no way I could pose with the woman who cheats on me and moves her new man into MY HOME!

Pleasantly surprised

That UT did not fall out of the Top 25. Laughing my head off at USC losing to Stanford. Shaking my head at UCLA losing to Notre Dame. Not sure how I feel about Cal moving all the way up to #2...this could after all be one of the sign of the apocalypse?

I will be at the Cal v UCLA game if anyone else is going to be there, holla at me!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Aaron D in VIP...v 2.43456s

So Aaron D and Dan the wilderness man AKA Short Sasquatch were hanging out tonight and as has been the trend for the last couple weeks, Aaron D ended up in VIP. Of course I pulled my boy Dan in and from there the night went south so fast you would have thought we were Britney Spears trying to potty train her kids.

We drank all night and had crazy, random, drunk and stoned chicks all around us. Props to my old classmate Joe for hooking us up with the VIP status. Props to chick in the 'barely there' dress for the show. Props to H2O2 for providing the disinfectant for my knuckles cause I am no punk and will never go out like one.

My knuckles might be sore, but my pride is intact and if you do not know what that means, think about it,

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Did you know the sky is blue? Oh and Marion Jones cheats

Oh and in other news you already knew, Marion Jones took steroids: She just finally admitted it!

Even before there was any major suggestion that she was on roids, my mom called it, upon seeing Jones set foot on the track. In a non too pc fashion my mom immediately declared "She looks exactly like a man, she has to be on something".

Then Jones proceeded to tear up the track like a race horse, completely blew the Jamaican competition out of the water and I have forever disliked her since then. So to be fair and open, I am not impartial when it comes to relaying this news, and I am not sad. And if this news comes as a shock to you, seriously go look again at her in 1997 and then in 2000 and tell me what you really think. ( you can just go to google images and look her up, it is an education in form and ridiculous muscle)

This seems a bit too harsh...

Amazing how much money they want per song.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Why San Diego has the greatest news!

Major landslide in La Jolla, the red cross opened up an emergency center...24 peeps showed up BUT ONLY FOR INFORMATION.

So while watching the news someone in studio had their cell phone go off.

I love the San Diego news, nothing devastating ever really seems to happen. The newscasters looked so bored while reading the news, almost as if they were thinking..."What time did I take that last hit of the bong?"

One guy blatantly said on the news that it was no worries he would just go to one of his other empty houses, that is why I love and hate La Jolla...the laid back attitude is awesome but the excessive wealth can be so annoying

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Of rental cars and Street scene

So I rented a car for next weekend and because my local (downtown/Airport) rental location did not have a car at a time I wanted I checked their other location just 2 miles away note TWO not 20 miles away. Now I have a car for an extra day because the cost of renting for 2 days from the non-airport location is so much cheaper that having the car for 2 days is still less than I would pay for having the car for one day if I rented from the airport location.

This now makes me wonder how much I have over-paid in the past by renting from airport locations...thieving bastards. I mean the cost disparity is not even CLOSE. The second bonus is; by renting from the NON-airport location they will actually pick me up at my home whereas the airport location requires that I come in to pick my car up...why again would I ever rent from that location again?

Street scene, so many of my San Diego local friends know that I was practically trying to give away my street scene tickets. No one wanted tickets, even at almost 50% off. I read some reviews of this year's show and I can see that the problems I faced were shared by all. Street scene was empty this year. Maybe live nation will take the hint, and not move the damn STREET SCENE into Chula Vista at Coors and not try to get uppity and remove hip hop from the scene.

Look I can understand if you want to limit a genre, but when the lineup was originally released the only hip hop act was MIMS and if you check in the hood many would disagree with his classification as a hip hop artist. Just a thought for the future...mix it up a bit and bring it back downtown to the STREET!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Happy Birthday to...

ME. A new year, same great guy...filled with modesty.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Pre-pre Birthday Celebrations; foie gras and Kobe beef

Will blog more, tired now (I know I say that every time and never do but this time I will try). Stingaree was fun, mad chicks, will I call? Maybe. Mad love to Milton for taking me out, props to the girls for showing me a good time.

Smooth nights always start with good friends and good drinks. Good nights also end with the ability to take someone home. Great nights end with you making the right decision.

Tonight was a GREAT night! More to come (or maybe not).

Hmm should add this part
Her: "You should take us back to your place"
Me: "Uhmm no, that is ok I am just going to go home alone"
Her: "No take us home with you"
Me: (Faking answering the phone) "Oh you need help at your place?" "Sorry, y'all I am not going home nice to meet you" (sudden running)

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Pre-pre-pre-Birthday celebrations

Much love and props to my boys S. Assassin and 'Of the' Gaizo for taking me out for a great steak dinner and drinks. Props to Dan and his chiquita, for enticing me with a beer and good conversation. Final props to Noli for hooking me up with entry to the club and free drinks. Great start to the celebration that is my birthday weekend.

I always forget that once I shave up and dress up, that I "actually clean up nicely" met a fun chick, BUT like my post of a week or so ago said, I am simplifying my life, so even though I had the opportunity to get her number I told her I was not going to take it. You might ask why, and even if you did not I will tell you. I did not take it because I knew I would never call her, so no sense in getting her number just to assuage my ego.

Ok tomorrow the fun continues, Stingaree, dinner and then DJ AM. spins, thats right he is spinning just for my birthday...ok maybe not, but it works in my head. (I should warn you, if you cannot drink tomorrow might be the wrong crowd for you)

Sunday is sushi...just a heads up for anyone who might be interested.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Harry potter gangster!

HARRY POTTER IN THE HOOD

Add to My Profile | More Videos

I had to post this cause I know many read the books and watch the Movies.

Always sunny and more college football rules

Hahah just when I thought 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' could not raise the bar any higher (or lower) depending on your views they rejoiced over the death of the Mom and I could not stop laughing...I know, I know it sounds horrible but you have to see it, it was bloody funny, kind of like me trying to see how long I can take this sentence without putting a period on it, kind of like those run ons that the characters on the show enjoy.


Espn has updated their list of rules for college football fans...I like #100, take that you Damn GOLDEN BEARS!
Just a couple...

97. You cannot, under any circumstances, attempt to castrate a fan of a rival school (even if you are a church deacon). (lgrothues)


100. Unless you matriculated and graduated from Stanford, Cal Tech, MIT or an Ivy League school, you may not use your alma mater's scholastic excellence as a valid excuse for crappy football. (That means you, Michigan, Notre Dame and Cal.)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Sixth Texas Player arrested since June

Wow we might not be number one in the polls, but we are definitely number one in any lineup.

Why can't these guys just do something simple like make a 7th floor crew and embarrass our program that way.

"Whats up with partner, Where he live, Where he stay at
Where the ice, where the bread, where the cake at?
I'm telling you man you don't want it with dem boyz,
Everyone of them got felonies man!
I'm slap me a ni$$a, befoe its over with,
I'm rush me a ni$$a, befoe its over with,
Duct tape me a ni$$a, befoe its over with,
I'm bust me a ni$$a, befoe its over with." --Felonies by Boyz N Da Hood

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Simplifying my life before my birthday.

Deleting phone numbers, cutting down acquaintances (keeping only friends), throwing away anything in my home that is superfluous and getting rid of emotions in friendships. One week and a day to my Birthday, most peeps make their resolutions on New Year's eve, I do it for each year of my life. Each year on this earth I have to make myself a better person and things around me better.

If I do not answer your call next weekend do not be offended, I am probably laying low NOT PARTYING, I have no plans for the weekend and I think I like it that way.

Selah

Friday, September 14, 2007

As if their was not enough current fodder against the Patriots

Check out this picture of their 'star' running back rocking Kool aid bling.

He should be benched one game, just for that.

Alright, Alright Before someone else brings it up

Another Texas player got in trouble with the cops, making it 5 arrests since June!

Hahah, just a further guarantee that we are a big time player. Hopefully when we go to Dallas for the OU game no one gets caught in a hotel room with hookers and cocaine...you know what I am talking about MICHAEL!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Free passes to 24 fitness!

I have some free passes for 24 fitness, if you turn them in by Thursday you get a month free, otherwise they are still good for a free week.

They are valid for the Horton plaza location which is a sport location (hot tub, steam room and sauna facilities)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

All you can eat steak Tomorrow

For lunch time...if you know my digits call me and meet up.

Just another reason why as a Longhorn I have problems respecting Aggies!

"Reveille, the first lady of Aggieland, is the official mascot of Texas A&M University. She is the highest ranking member of the Corps of Cadets, and she is a Five-Star General." This might sound like me taking a jab at the Aggies but this is actually from their own website!

DAMN RIGHT SHE IS THE FIRST LADY...I HAVE SEEN SOME AGGIE FEMALES AND IT IS AN INSULT TO DOGS...I kid I kid (not really)

Just a little more..."Reveille is the most revered dog on campus. Company E-2 has the privilege of taking care of Reveille. If she is sleeping on a cadet's bed, that cadet must sleep on the floor. Cadets address Reveille as "Miss Rev, ma'am." If she is in class and barks while the professor is teaching, the class is to be immediately dismissed."

Way to put that education first.

HOOK 'EM HORNS

Sunday, September 09, 2007

"It's Britney Bitch!"

Now I understand why she starts her single off with that line, when you watch just how crappy and sluggish her performance was at the start of the VMAs it makes sense that she has to remind us of who she is, since she appears to be a completely different person from the "barbie doll" that she used to be.

I refuse to call her fat like so many others are, cause I think she just lacks toning, what I will call her is idiotic for donning an outfit like that when the last thing peeps remember of her performing was as a "sexay young thang" with a python and ripped abs.

I absolutely loved the looks on the faces of the audience, Rihanna was laughing her head off, 50c was bewildered and Puffy just looked like he wanted to be any where but on camera at that moment.

Seriously can we stop giving Sarah Silverman hosting gigs...she is just not that funny and does not have the charisma to host a show...let us just send her back to the status of "Jimmy Kimmel's kind of funny girlfriend." Time we remember that just saying something 'shocking' is not automatically funny.

I must say that I love hearing that Tommy Lee and Kid Rock are fighting
over Pam Anderson...not even sure of what joke to drop here since everything flooding through my head is completely inappropriate and involves strippers/whores and dollar bills.

Come on Kanye, another tantrum? It has become as predictable as my calling Paris Hilton promiscuous.



Some props. Mad props to Asafa Powell for lowering the World Record again. A Jamaican holds the record ALONE again and it is now 9.74

Props to the Horns for winning the latest Battle for Texas.

Props to the Cowboys for taking care of that team from NY...the dwarfs.

Walking 5 blocks

100% worth playing an awesome practical joke on a friend.

Seeing them take it badly...icing on the cake.

Seeing their nostrils flare while the group laughs, guaranteed residual chuckles for weeks.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

What the blankity blank is wrong with the NFL and NBC

Are you kidding me? Opening game of the bloodclaut new NFL season and you start of with Kelly Clarkson, Faith Hill (damn she is fine) and John (I used to be a cougar) Mellencamp as your opening entertainment acts? Who are you programming for? The 2% of the south that does not know real country so it accepts Faith Hill as country? None of the "Real" men I know are excited to see any of the above 3 perform, in fact to be honest most times I do not even care about the musical acts, but if we must have them couldn't we have something a little more relevant to those of us who like sports?

I am not even going to suggest musical acts that I would actually like to see cause there are so many, but I wonder who got rejected to have the list end at these three.

Did Britney Spears pick MTV over this because she didn't want anyone to realize that the most violent thing happening on the field would not be defensive players crashing into Qbs but rather her trying to harmonize?

Seriously where on earth did they dig up Mellencamp from? I figured he was too busy doing Chevy ads to be relevant on the musical landscape anymore.

Ok venting over, time to enjoy some football.

Go COWBOYS, GO HORNS and GO VINCE YOUNG...let the world know that at least one running black Qb is not crazy enough to bet on dog fighting, or have to run from the cops!

HOOK 'EM HORNS!

Texas for life!

College football rules to live by...

Espn has come up with some college football rules. I am proud to say I have followed most of them.

Below is just a sampling of some of the rules that cracked me up. Ah Cal v Stanford.

35. If your significant other went to a rival school, no sex on rivalry game day.

35a. If your significant other went to a rival school, all wagers should involve sex.

35b. If rule 35a is in effect, waive rule 35.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Cleavage control clip!

Man they will sell anything nowadays!

Basically you get a plastic clip to make your boobs bigger...nice...anyone who buys this, I have a golden bridge to sell you in Northern California

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Congratulations....

Maryam and Joe

First Saturday in September...

Yes it is 24 days to my birthday, but more importantly it is the unofficial start of College Football.

I know some games were played on Thursday but the First Saturday in September is almost like Christmas to me.

Weird day though, I have my good friend's wedding today. His wedding 'kicksoff' right around the same time that Texas starts its march to the National title.

Love my peeps to death, but if you know me YOU KNOW I will be tracking that game throughout the ceremony. Thankfully we are playing a cream-puff team so I have no fear of having to track a Texas comeback and screaming out "yes" in excitement...since with my luck it would be right at the moment that the question is asked "Does anyone here have any objections?"

CONGRATS AGAIN JOE and thanks for not having your wedding during TEXAS/OU weekend.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Let me offer advice you already know

Flagging down a cop thinking he is a taxi...not a good way to start your night!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

"Bill clinton...is a bad boy, a nasty, bad naughty boy"

Many of you probably know about the uproar involving Senator Larry Craig, soliciting a male undercover cop in a bathroom, but this video from his days of chastising Bill Clinton is hilarious in light of the charges he faced.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

4 days 8 hours 45 minutes

Till Texas kicks off its season...but now thanks to this I am a little more worried, since pretty much our starting receiving core is injured

Monday, August 27, 2007

South Carolina must be so proud!!!

Wow way to make the entire country look like a bunch of idiots.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

5 days 19 hours 45 minutes...

Till the TEXAS football season begins...road to the national Title HERE WE COME!

GO HORNS!


I need a towel

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Corn pops, 3lb steaks and bicycle seats

Tonight's dinner consisted of copious amounts of corn pops a 3lb sirloin (no I did not, could not, and would not eat an entire 3lber) and changing my bicycle seat.

Corn pops; were great, took me back to my childhood except for the part of my using 2% milk.

Steak: So damn good, so bloody, to the point that I literally choked on blood on my first bite and had to wipe blood rolling down my cheek - no wonder my mom thinks that I am a sick vampire-esque type when I order steaks.

The bike seat: A very, very necessary change, I am tired of feeling like how I imagine an extra in a prison movie feels.

Props to my bike guy over at Sport Chalet, for giving me a 66% discount on the cost of the seat and providing me tools for free.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Much love and thanks

To all those who offered up prayers and thoughts for my parents.

The folks are fine, and so is the house. I hope the same for all others.

Blessings.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Difficulties...


Of living in a foreign country when your parents still live home set in strongest when potential disasters threaten your homeland.

I have been tracking hurricane Dean and hoping for the best. I know that the island is planning on scaling back electrical service to conserve and preserve access, which is all well and good but it also cuts access to various lifelines like my ability to email friends, check on IM and use VOIP phone access.

Spoke to the folks, they are hoping for the best, prepared for the worst.

Annoys me the tourists that are complaining that Jamaicans do not appear more panicked and are "not doing more to get them out of the country": 'Sorry sah that mi nah spend more time acting scared to make you feel better and not spending more time to get you away from your mere vacation spot instead of making sure that my family and loved ones are safe.'

To those bitches that are complaining that Jamaicans should spend more time taking care of them in a serious moment like this, I would spit on you but Karma says you will already be soaked enough. Instead I hope you learn some humility, respect and concern for others, eh screw it "I SPIT ON YOU and your family."

To my friends, bless all of you who have checked up on me, I thank you greatly for your concern.

Mom, Dad, I love you.


(pic clearly from weather.com)

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Praying for...

My country and my folks. Hoping that Dean will veer off its current course.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Sorry for lack of posts...and props

I am currently following the California coast line, I arrived in San Francisco (apparently the natives hate it if you call it San Fran...so you can just imagine the amounts of evil looks I have received.) on Wednesday morning, heading to LA LA land today, love to my valley peeps, see you in 10 hours. Back to SD tomorrow morning and back to a regular blogging schedule by the afternoon.

MUCH LOVE AND PROPS to Erik aka "E.I, E.I." for putting up the Cali J and the SS V.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Real World...07

So...I noticed something today on the New Real World and it was strangely refreshing, for the first time in a long time there is no angry black guy/girl. There is also no gay male/female or closeted individual. The 2 had become staples of the Real World and they had become cliched, annoying and just plain boring since it almost felt like each group just tried to act like the season prior to them.

Of course the obligatory male/female sluts are present that will never stop.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Random musings updated - no explicit lyrics following this post

It is crazy to me that the Kat Deluna (feat Elephant man) track that has been storming up the charts on the east coast and the South is not that hot here; it is a great summer-esque track, includes explicit references to summer and I expect it to hit big in San Diego in...Fall.

It is ridiculous that JoJo at 16 is singing a reply to Sean Kingston (17) and both songs have phrases speaking of becoming suicidal.

CRANK THAT

Random musings and some explicit lyrics

I really like that my school's colors and apparel are so popular that at almost any big event I will catch a glimpse of someone wearing the Good ole Burnt Orange. Even sometimes at events that call for 'dressing up' I will see the Longhorn gear, thanks to UT not being afraid to brand anything. Currently at the Co-op you can purchase a full suit in burnt orange, I am a bit ashamed to admit it BUT, I considered it.

I would have definitely have gotten the Burnt Orange Chuck Taylors if they had, had them in my size.

Have they already printed Tiger's name on the trophy? Unless he breaks his leg walking the course he is a guarantee. Heck even with a broken leg he might still win it.

I promised them so here they come...explicit lyrics
"First off, fuck your bitch
And the clique you claim
West side when we ride
Come equipped with game"
--Hit 'em up by Tupac (Yup that is just how I feel about you right now: WESTSIDE, no love for those on the East Coast right now, check with me in 2 hours.)

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Friday, August 10, 2007

Dedications and shout outs...yeah it is that sappy

(I am a sucker for those late night dedications that people leave on the radio, I like making up bad ones like: "This dedication goes out to Jason from Sonia, Sonia says 'Jason I know you are black and the baby is white but baby you have to believe me, I love you and the baby is yours'")
Any way here goes this dedication on behalf of a friend...seriously it is on behalf of a friend...it is purely coincidental that parts of it seem to fit my life.

"Spending all my nights, all my money going out on the town
Doing anything just to get you off of my mind
But when the morning comes
I'm right back where I started again
Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear
But as the sun goes down, I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to God that you were here

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

Now that I put it all together
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the love in your heart?
Nothing left for me, ain't there nothing left for me

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see (oh darlin')
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back (listen baby), you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you
I was wrong, and I just can't live"
--Baby come back by Player

Few random moments

Few personal moments:
You: You know who you are, everytime I talk to you I end up pissed off
Me: Wa-wow, I am missing you, looks like I WILL have to take you out on a date
Weight: Fluctuating more than Oprah's, if I could only quit ice cream, I would be golden, ok and then maybe alcohol, and steaks, but mainly ice cream..."I wish I could quit you"

Few Crazy sports stories:
Rick Ankiel: So damn happy that he is back in the big leagues (look him up, it will warm your heart)
Reggie Miller: At 42 considering playing in the NBA again
Allan Houston: Thinking about coming back
Jordan: Well he has not said anything but isn't he about due for another come back?

Few Amusing moments to me:
Britney Spears: Is it time to just arrest her for stupidity? She hit a parked car while being filmed by the press and just went shopping without bothering to leave a note...I wonder if she was surprised when the car's owner 'discovered' who hit her car
John Daly: Leading Tiger Woods in a major
My writing: The love poem I wrote as a lark is so painfully funny that I have to destroy it...if anyone ever saw it I might get labelled as an imbecile.
Fantasy Football: Those punks thinking they have a chance this year

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Mini rant.v2.332...damn you need help

Seriously, can you bloody stay single? Being single for 2 weeks is not an accomplishment and it is not impressive when you spent much of the first week in 'mourning'.

Why are you unable to just do the random 'get over it' hook-up that most people do? Why does everything with you have to turn into a relationship? Are you kidding me, he slept with you, so you now have to date? Cot-damn you are clingier than a barnacle.

I feel so, so, so bloody ashamed that you have the authority to claim me as an ex. Crazy thing is the realization of how much I pity you came to me while I was shaving. If you spent as much time studying as you spent under dudes there would be nothing you could not accomplish. "Now go out there and be somebody" (edit: sorry even in a rant the Cali-J cannot help but quote Chappelle...if you know where the reference is from you then know what he is hinting at having done :) )

Stay single, enjoy solitude for a bit, not every guy that smiles at you is right for you, oh and tell your friend that I said I am sorry I did not call her back...

Just got invited to a Bachelor party.

And just realized, I have not been to a bachelor party in America. Hopefully, it is as good as all the stuff they show on TV...would be especially awesome if Tom Hanks rolls through with Tawny Kitaen and a drugged up horse, I mean that is all realistic right?

Sex with a sign post, now that is classy!

How on earth does someone perform a solo sex act with a traffic sign?

Keith Richards is a SICK BASTARD seriously you sick bastard...you thought snorting your dad was respectful? If he lives to be a hundred and fifty like he claims he will, there is hope for us all.

I absolutely love that I now have full screen (full access) google maps capability on my phone with gps locating and it is free...All that is left is for me to access the street view feature and I might start singing in traffic.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Never go DRINK FOR DRINK with the Cali-J

Hahahah Andele aka EI aka Erik the Innocent, I love that the report I got from your temp crib had you passed out before we even hit the final bar of the night. I ended up hitting the wine bar and pouring more booze down the throat. I have serious concerns about your ability to hang when I hit Oakland 2 weeks from now...that is if I do not get shot while there.

In Andele's defense, we did start drinking at 1 in the bloody afternoon, and at no time were we without a glass of booze in our hands.


WE SAW HISTORY TONIGHT>>>>>thanks to Barry Bonds, will post more when I am not so tired.

Bless you Barry!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

UT is awesome for sex! Much better than USD...(I have heard)

Researchers at my old school have come up with 237 reasons why people have sex. No shock that a school with over Fifty thousand students would find out all the various reasons for having sex. I might be the SCV but I am sure I know a few good reasons for trying to get milady to lower her draw bridge.

Just a few off the top of my head.
- You're cold
- Horny
- Partner is horny
- Bored
- Awake
- Full
- Have free time
- She's hot
- She's willing
- Butter face
- It's her sister
- Her mom
- Cause you can
- She is awake
- You're awake
- She smiled
- You are drunk
- You are sober
- You are alive
- She is breathing
- She is easy
- She is easy with booze in her
- She is difficult and you finally got a shot
- You finally got the apartment to yourself
- Your roomie is passed out on the couch
- No one in school knows you are sleeping with her so you feel sexy having sex with her
- You deny that you are having sex with her, then have sex in a classroom cause it feels right
- She pissd you off
- Her friend is a slut
- It feels good
- You have to prove that, "seriously that has never happened before"
- You saw her name on the bathroom wall
- No seriously, "oh oh oh oh oh" is something people say cause it feels really really good.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

"In Africa, animals are used to clear minefields"

This video will shock you and probably sadden you. Sad that, that is the method they had to resort to, but better an animal I guess than a child wondering through the field...I hate land mines, I hate war in general but damn this is just such a low way to fight a war.



Thanks Josh for the vid link

Monday, July 30, 2007

Insight to the Cali J, 100mph and self therapy through driving

Just a basic insight into me: I hate losing friends; in fact I really cannot stand losing friends. I will do crazy things to try and keep friends, to the point that I will walk through East Village (home to SDPD’s headquarters and constantly patrolled by cop cars) with a golf club on the way to visit a friends house determined to make sure that should unpleasantness arise from 3rd parties I am ready to ‘play through’.

I cannot always explain what is going on in my mind and heart. I am generally cold and calculating, I agonize over decisions and tend not to be ruled by passion, BUT unfortunately for me, I sometimes have flashes of red hot insanity run through my brain. Let me explain that a little bit, I sometimes after thinking and re-thinking something will suddenly just go with whatever flashes in my mind. For instance one night in the club (without any alcohol in me) I met a young punk that outweighed me by at least 40lbs the guy was really pissing me off, but I knew that under normal circumstances there was no way I could win a fight with the kid so I calmly walked away then suddenly felt myself running through the club and flying at the kid boot first…nothing rational about it I just attacked the guy deserved it, but prior to that I thought I had convinced myself that a fight with him was not going to happen.

That somewhat explains tonight, I knew such a night would come, I knew I had to make the visit and I knew that the visit could be awkward, and potentially bad. I knew all of this while I was walking down the street whistling and pretending that I was Tiger Woods. So what did I do? I arrived at the home and left the club in the car. Why? Because though passion might have flicked in my brain while I was leaving the house and told me to grab the putter, rational thinking said handle it with words when I got out of the car.

BUT, when pissed off I am a crazy man behind the wheel, and I always always take out my anger when driving. If anyone knows the interchange from the 805 to the 15 highway you will know that the sign says take it at 35mph, I took it at 87mph and had to fight like a mad man to rein the car back in AND I LOVED IT. Those tires left a great streak on the road and helped to clear my head, I came out of the curve and punched that car up to a 100 and by the time I got close to home everything was ordered in my head.

Should this have been the last night we ever speak my dear…It was a good run I had fun, I think you did too and no matter what I may have done, at least I stayed honest.

SELAH.

Related to the above post...explicit lyrics

"I need a Ryde or Die Chick"



"Yo, when you see Sheek, don't look at me as Sheek from The L.O.X.
Look at me as that cat that know how to box
Know about glocks, know about slingin' them rocks
Know about runnin' from cops and switchin' up spots
How to get rich, know about thuggin' a bitch
Fuck 'em in the park, fuck a sweet as the Ritz
They like that shit, and I ain't gotta spend no checks
Fuck diamonds, all they really want is rough ass sex"
--Ryde or Die chick by the Lox feat Eve

Mark Teixeira to the Braves

Looks like my Atlanta Braves are finally improving their offense.

Congratulations to my cousin Andre

Big ups to you on your nuptials. I love that in a significant portion of your pictures you look like you are stoned, must be a family thing.

Anyway congrats again...way to make the rest of the male cousins look like bums for not settling down.

Simone, my money is on you for the next in our generation of cousins to get hitched...remember my warning David.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Fun with David Blaine (fake)

Since I already think the real David Blaine is a caricature I am happy to post this...



"He put it in my mouth...what the eff"

Rumor has it...

That Michigan wants to play Texas in 2012 and 2013 in place of their ND game...could my dreams actually be coming through? Would I really get to talk smack to my dad in the middle of a season? Come on Michigan, don't just sing it...BRING IT.

Reefer Madness huh?

Interesting when you scroll to the end and see who the research involved and the source of some of the material

Just read harry potter

Much Props to Assassin for providing the book. Very good read, nice way to end a series.

I am not the type of person to spoil a book for others by posting about it's contents; I would just say, go get the book if you are already a fan of the series.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Beyonce's Fall!

So you may have heard of Beyonce falling during her show, and the fact that all the you tube videos have been pulled, but this site still has the video. It is hard to imagine that she did not break something in this fall...just amazing.

"No seriously, the drugs in my pants pocket are not mine"

"I mean, I know I have a history of doing drugs. And I just came out of rehab that I was free to leave at any time and in fact, left it and went partying in the middle of treatment. But, the drugs in my pants are not mine. Forget the fact that I have assistants who could carry drugs for me. Forget that most peeps would probably stash the yay in their car, forget for a second that the person I was chasing pulled into a parking lot ONE block from a police station so I knew I was in a bad spot...I am too smart to be walking with my own drugs in my pants. You have to believe me. I would like my privacy at this point."

Seriously, you have to love Lindsay and her responses.

Hey SSV

I just heard a great joke on the tonight show and it made me think of you. "I am not going to say she is an alcoholic that is not nice, she is a shop-a-holic, and she buys alot of alcohol"

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

"They try to make me go to Rehab"

Apparently in Lindsay Lohan's case, rehab is just a different way of saying "watch how dumb I will act next time."
I would love to use a phrase like "I cannot believe she got busted again" but then I would be lying. I actually have just being wondering what was taking her so long to get busted again. Cynical I know, but practical. I love that she was supposed to be wearing an alcohol monitoring bracelet. Guess it does not detect 'yay'.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Good Luck to all my peeps taking the bar.

One year ago I went through the stress/drama/awkwardness/general boredom/uncertainty/freaking out, that you are all going through. Good luck, relax, breathe and you will find that you know more than you think you do...and if you do not? Well chances are the kid beside you does not know it either.

And remember when stumped on the ethics questions just think: What would the Cali-J do? The opposite might serve you best as an answer.

He's back

The Cali-J is back from his family reunion. Will blog more about it later. Still tremendously tired...had a great time in Orlando, fun city, felt like it was 100% built for tourists.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

When it rains it pours v.2.43

I love my folks, I am supposed to pick them up on Friday but I have NO CLUE when they arrive because everytime I ask Pops their arrival time the response I get is "Friday sometime, I will look it up and tell you" and peeps wonder where I get it from. Thing is, most peeps would be deterred by this or even get mad. I instead will just hop online and find every flight coming in from the rock to Orlando, factor in my Dad's unwillingnes to leave the island early in the morning and pick the right flight. Last 2 times I did this I guessed the right flight, until I fail that game I will continue to play it. Man I miss his old secretary, it was so comforting to just call her and have her tell me the itinerary (hope I spelled that right, I can never get that damn word) of any member of the family.

So I am the white (refuse to use black here)sheep of my generation of cousins (the family is large enough that there are 3 distinct generations of cousins) and as such am known as the corrupting force. My reputation was not helped by the fact that my only posting on the message board on the reunion website that has been up for ages was to ask peeps if they wanted to hit the clubs on Friday night. I know the reunion agenda says meet and greet, but my personal agenda says meet and drink.

You really should see our reunion site, over a hundred family members are expected, peeps from Australia to Macca bush, and they have actually decided to serve booze! The only flaw I find with family reunions is that for the entire time I am in a city that is having a reunion I refuse to hit on any girls in the city. I do not care if they blatantly look like an eskimo and have no way of being connected to my family I still refuse to chance it. I have over a hundred cousins on my mom's side (her reunion) and I have not met over 50 of them I WILL TAKE NO RISKS. I once warned my cousin (a teenager at the time) when we were both at the wedding of another cousin and he started to point out another teen that he thought was hot, my words to him were "Dude that's your cousin, we are at a family function, hit on no one here".
I will never end up on Jerry Springer...

So I started to check on clothes to take to the fam reunion, flight is in about 20 hours or so. Damn insomnia has me up. Anyway, I decide to start packing jeans only to realize the pair I liked and wanted to take was ripped, so I put them aside and grabbed the back up pair, those are also ripped, so I went to the back up of the backup and yup u guessed it. So now I am pulling jeans off the bench reached for a pair that I rarely if ever wear - they have a huge stain down the front. Reached for a brand new pair that still have the tag on and - realised why the tag was still on them, those suckers will probably only be worn by me if I am starring in a musical or going to an 80s party ("I will take things the Cali-j thinks are over-rated and belong in the past for $1000 Alex).

So now of course, because I am Mr. Last minute it now means that I have to go shopping the day of my flight. I actually think that I might just fly out in shorts...it is a red eye after all. Then just purchase jeans while in Orlando - they have to be cheaper than here in SD and it gives me something to do when I pick up my mom (this way I get to score points with the parental unit since it will look like I am taking her shopping when in reality I hate Malls and would rather watch Assassin try to explain the meaning of 'doubtful' than go to the mall - actually watching Assassin explain 'doubtful' is pretty funny since it led to a shouting match between us and then a stream of apologies and then words like "Ok Let's drink...sorry I digress).

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

45 DAYS 2 HOURS 45 MINUTES to TEXAS' 1st game

I love this ad.
I nearly cried after that game...the bastards won by 12.
Honestly I am so excited for this season I would sacrifice Assassin's left pinky for a perfect season.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Cot-Damn politics is getting hotter and hotter.

I love this 'dance off' of sorts between the Obama Girl hottie and her crew and the Giuliani Clique. This is how campaigns should be really run.

How to eat 2000 calories and not feel like crap

Today's meal listings and menu as part of my continued desire to be healthier and improve my life.
Breakfast:
2 waffles (kashi) Calories 170 Calories from Fat 27
Syrup Serving Size 1/8 cup Calories 55 Calories from Fat 0
1/2 cup of grapes Calories 55
Scrambled eggs Serving Size 2 eggs Calories 199 Calories from Fat 137
mid meal Snack:
Pudding cup tapioca Calories 34 Calories from Fat 9
some carrot sticks: Calories 52 Calories from Fat 3 (had no idea there was fat in carrots)
Lunch:
hotdog with ketchup, mustard, relish Calories 242 Calories from Fat 131
Mid meal Snack:
Plum Calories 40 Calories from Fat 0
Dinner:
(here is where I clearly make up for the cut in calories I have designs on a 2lb sirloin)
Sirloin steak: Since I cannot imagine eating all of this I will probably have half so Calories 920 Calories from Fat 298
2 cobs of grilled corn: Calories 59 Calories from Fat 4 total 118 and 8
Late night:
Ice cream 1/2c ( I know I know but I cannot help it) Slow churned cookies and cream. Calories 120 Calories from Fat 36

This will give me a 2005 calorie day, and if you combine this with the fact that I am going to work out I will be at a pretty decent amount for the day and should burn weight. Plus for some of the listed things I will probably eat less than the amount I listed, for instance with that heavy a breakfast I will probably skip my mid meal snack.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and to me this is a BEEE-YOOOUUU-TEE-FULL thing.

Only question that remains is: "Just how raw will I eat it?"

Monday, July 16, 2007

I think a little piece of me dies...

Sometimes when I hear some of the true feelings of friends of mine, and what they think I want from them. Ok to be honest I can eliminate my male friends from this.

A friend said something to me tonight re what she thought I wanted from her and it came like a douse of cold water...therein is a hint as to what she thought I wanted. I swear I was not even thinking along those lines (regardless of the myth that we think about it every few seconds).

Sunday, July 15, 2007

One word

Awkwaaaaaaaarrrrrrdddddd!

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Apparently I am charasmatic...

When it comes to trying to hook my friends up at the bar...when it comes to myself, eh not so much.

Had to love meeting the Stanford girls while hanging out with the Berkley Kid.

Tomorrow feels like a Cougar hunt!

Selah.

Friday, July 13, 2007

So Beckham has officially arrived in America.

I really like the fact that Beckham will now be playing in LA, couple hours drive and I could go watch a game. All that being said, I lost a tonne of 'guy respect' for him when I discovered that he has a TRAMP STAMP! Click on view more pictures and you will clearly see it in the pictures that show his back.

I do not care that it is the name of his kid. A tramp stamp is a TRAMP STAMP!

(By the way I love them on chicks...but that is another story)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

A funny video of Greg Oden...well if you know who he is

Shout out to my basketball heads like Baker, AXA and Scot T.

Can there really be any doubt at this stage that Greg Oden is 50? He does not know what a podcast is and he is a teenager? Come on that is hard to believe...I love the splicing in of the 'Pic' and the Humpty dance. Chris Paul's cameo was awesome.


Younguns, Scaring old ladies, and cranky weight loss.

Oh Emma Watson...April 15th next year cannot come soon enough. If you know what I mean by that then welcome aboard the "I am somewhat ashamed of myself cruise"

"I'ma kill you all, like o.j. Diss maganoo, for real you must pay"

So those lyrics jumped to my mind tonight while in the gym when this old lady gave me a horrified look, at first I was a bit confused then when I went to the restroom to wash my face I burst out laughing. I quite possibly looked like I was in their (stereotype) to rob the place: Braided hair all over the place, a beard that has not been shaved in almost a week so it still has the faint outline of the shaved in "gangsta lines" while carrying the unkempt look of the desperate and down on luck topped off with a raggedy t-shirt. All that was left for me to do to complete the experience would have been to ask her if I could 'walk her home'.

Just a warning to those that have to come in contact with me for the next week...I might be rather irritable. I need to shed about 10lbs in a week: So I bought pounds and pounds of fruit and veggies and will be cutting out refined sugar...yes I know I could have done this naturally and safely over a longer period of time, but what would have been the fun in that? My bro and I had a weight loss bet and he is ahead of my pace by 5lbs, granted in many ways the bet is unfair since I was sidelined for almost 3 weeks with an injury BUT "losers make excuses winners make it happen" so now I have to play catch up...

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Things to consider 7.11

I cannot believe that I now actually have the valid concern of "I wonder if my hair is dry enough, so that I can lie down on my pillow"...I did not realize just how much hair I have until I took my braids out.

Apparently I got more sun than I thought last week since my forehead is now peeling like old wallpaper.

Today is going to be a great day gastronomically, Korean BBQ for lunch (mounds of meat) and then for dinner, Jerk BBQ chicken pizza with an Asian Salad (have to at least try to be somewhat healthy)

I should never ever...ever, 'eva eva' buy cookies again. White chocolate chip cookies were created by 'the man' to ensure that people like myself cannot fit into clothes. I bought a pack of cookies that claim 2 cookies per serving, 12 servings per package, last night. I now have about 4 servings left...damn it.

Either my cousin has been kidnapped by aliens or I am going to kill him for not staying in touch (yes I have conveniently forgotten that the phone works both ways...I am older by 4 months, just like my brother is older than his by a couple months...weird how that worked out...the younger should stay in touch with the elder...I called last)

SELAH.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Sick bastard had 'relations' with animals

I cannot understand what would make anyone consider having sex with an animal. It was no shock to me that a mental evaluation had been ordered. I really, really hope that (and sorry I know the animals are going to suffer for something that is not their fault - have to throw that in even though let us be honest if they were going to be slaughtered for food isn't that essentially the same thing?) none of those animals that were 'assaulted' will be used for food production.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Bought a toy today

So today I purchased a Transformer toy. My stated reason is that I purchased it to then give to a child, but now that I have played with it a bit...I am not so sure that I am ever giving this thing away...I forgot how much fun Transformers could be. Problem is, girls frown on seeing toys in a man's home and let us be honest I am single and cannot risk turning off any female stepping into my apartment.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Friday, July 06, 2007

My 4th of July..bit long; ez to skim

The fourth of July was crazy this year, it is crazy every year but this year unlike last year (Bar Studies) I could actually attempt to enjoy it. Sand Assassin (“SA”) and I rolled out to the beach area like 1 out of every 2 San Diegans. Now I know not every one in SD could have been at the beach but it sure felt like that. The day actually kicked into high gear when I was told that one of my friends was hurt because her ex was now sleeping with her ‘mortal’ enemy and the enemy was now moving to another city to be with the ex. Of course that meant that SA and I had to drink in support of her – poor thing. You have to realize this was not a frienemies (friends in private enemies in public) situation this was actual hatred between the 2 girls and I am friends with everyone involved. On the plus side it gave me an opportunity to talk to peeps I had not talked to in awhile.

So SA and I rolled out to PB in the afternoon cocky and confident that we would find parking, well the cockiness never disappeared but the confidence definitely waned, cars were parked everywhere, some in such locations that you would have thought Lindsay Lohan was playing Valet in PB. We finally on a Cali J whim double backed to near the beach and lo and behold found a spot that someone must have just vacated – so we ended up with primo parking that we did not deserve, but the Cali J is blessed. Later in the day we met a meter MAID and asked HIM (yes they are all ‘maids’ in my mind) how many tickets he had given out, this was early in his shift and he had already given out over 100 parking tickets, he was one of a ton of meter maids that I saw…the city cleaned up yesterday.

I saw people charging amounts for parking that I thought was retarded like $90 and $70 and my thoughts were “No one will pay for that” I was wrong:
“Sup man”
“Hey”
“Seriously 70? Is anyone actually paying that?
“I have sold 2 spots already”
“Damn…ok keep doing your thing”

Thing is if you were willing to pay between $70 – 90 you might as well just find a spot near where you want to be and park illegally since the ticket for parking in the alleys was only $47 and according to the maid yesterday “Man I am seeing so many that I just let a few slide” (yet he had already given out over a 100).

Logistics aside it was definitely crazy once we got to the beach area, allow me a moment to lapse into the Cali J’s rap persona: “Damn G honeys were everywhere I mean everywhere, you couldn’t turn cause tits were all up under your chin, some of dem B’s were rocking ’fits that looked like they took my doo rag and made a pattern to cover some skin. I was in eye-candy heaven son, I mean G I looked and I looked and I saw more Silicone than di valley, all I wanted to say was ‘A bay bay, a bay bay’.” That is of course why I will never be a rapper, but in much more gentlemanly terms there were beautiful women (many artificially enhanced) everywhere however, I did not hit on any because I am lazy and had planned to meet a young lady that we had arranged some stuff with. BUT I am lazy and not willing to walk from PB to MB after a day of drinking…yes I am kicking myself now especially since the words on the phone during the middle of the afternoon were “I really want to see you, it has been too long since we saw each other.”

Ended up at my boy’s party on the beach that was ridiculously packed, thousands showed up, including an international DJ to spin on the 1s and 2s.
Quick synopsis:
- Some whore threw my boys $400 prescription glasses of the balcony, my words on hearing this “Did she break her back when you threw her after them?” If you are a regular reader you know I am not cool with just calling girls whores etc but this one had to be, you do not randomly throw someone’s glasses over a balcony no matter how drunk you are.
- Some idiot in a Mohawk got “Knocked the F out” A mini fight broke out, a good Samaritan came in to break it up, Mohawk guy tried to sucker punch the good Samaritan and missed (note if you try to sucker punch someone you BETTER connect or suffer the full deserved consequences). The good Samaritan then unloaded a punch on Mohawk that instantly broke his nose and sent blood everywhere (Yo SA I found blood on my shorts, I knew I felt a splatter during the incident), he then uncorked 3 more quick savage blows before being dragged down and Mohawk literally crumbled to the ground and went into the fetal position, it was over in an instant but damn it was like when Shamrock decided to trash talk Ortiz and looked for half the fight like he was going to leave in a body bag.
- SCARIEST MOMENT OF THE DAY…I got hit on by a high school girl. Quick disclaimer: nothing happened as soon as I figured things out I walked/ran away. So this is what transpired. While we were talking this girl mentions that she needs to stop drinking because she has to study I asked what she told me I then mentioned that it did not sound like a college course, she said she was a senior doing summer school, something clicked in my brain I asked where she said “X High School”. The worst part about that is that high school seniors do not do summer school so that meant she was actually a Junior heading into her senior year…I could not get away from her fast enough.
- Fireworks were alright, nothing spectacular; I am still waiting for the day they spell my name out.
- Ended the night finding out that my ex has been sleeping with some guy for 8 months and then came to me for advice re troubles – I am way too cool an ex.

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About Me

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.