Infrequently updated consistently funny

Tuesday, May 31, 2005


1. To my boy Josh for letting me borrow the truck. (Now if I could just get my appt completely empty of the excess stuff.) 2. To my new roomie 3. To the chics that make me sweat 4. To my workplace for having a gym. 5. To anyone who cooks me dinner (HINT HINT)

Weight update

Doing 4 miles a day at the gym now. Averaging 600 calories burned on the elliptical(I know it's not exact science) lets see how constant use and commitment works out.

Monday, May 30, 2005

A ringtone?

Wow the Brits are crazy: A ring tone is currently the number one single in britain, beating out a single by Coldplay. That is just terrible! Not because I think coldplay is the greatest band or anything but damn, losing the top of the charts to a ringtone! "Has the world gone mad?" Though Britain did unleash the Spice Girls on us. (And we accepted them with open arms)

Weight update

The CaliJ currently 6 ft 193lbs: one of those numbers will shrink this summer.
I can’t control my feelings, or the feelings of others – But I can control my weight.

Quick blurbs

You know how you can tell its 11pm on comedy central? Girls gone wild ads start to appear every ad break.

What to do with my time now? I haven’t had a summer this structured in years.

It’s moving time – hop to it!

That show on VH1 BSTV is terrible

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Indy 500

Danica Patrick: I don’t know how many of my readers watch open wheel racing, but if you don’t today was a rather historic day. Granted she didn’t win but for a little while it looked like she had a chance. My prediction that she would not win appeared to be in jeopardy for about 5 minutes. However, she was a rookie and rookies make mistakes. The fact that she is a woman to me was less important than the fact that she is a rookie. The recent uproar about her weight giving her an advantage might be legit. I however don’t know how much of an advantage it gives and whether its significant enough to warrant IRL looking into it. But, it’s interesting to note that she is 100lbs v most of the top guys who weigh in at 200lbs and I know that when my friends race they will even strip the carpet out of the car to make it faster; they may have to start handicapping like horse racing. I think this is one of those things that might not change until a woman wins in a male dominated sport and then the men will panic.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Easily distracted...

So I am at work right now, trying to focus, failing...miserably. It is truly amazing how many things you will try to find to distract yourself from doing something you know you have to do but find distasteful (like calling the clerk of some small time district court - who gave you attitude half an hour ago). I have re arranged the pens and lone pencil on my desk in a variety of ways within the last half an hour (despite the fact that they are contained in a brand new pencil holder so it doesnt matter how they are put in there it's organized). To trick my brain into not going into hibernate mode, I keep switching between work tasks, but I think my brain is catching up to my ruse. Oh well this blog only took a minute to type and I can't justify spending any more time on non work related activities.

An aside How long has the Jackson Trial being going on for: Does it just seem longer than average because since 1992 allegations of this type just keep popping up so now it just seems like one long trial? Saw last night that MJ's spokesperson said he will no longer chance putting himself in such situations. Really? Now is the time you figure this out: NOT AFTER MULTIPLE ALLEGATIONS and MILLIONS in payments?


For the delay on blogs. I am still adjusting to the life of a working man. For instance it's 2AM, I have to leave my home in 5.5 hours and still I am not asleep. Oh well, the work experience is key right? So watching the news awhile ago I saw this news piece on some Star Wars mania so I had to throw in my 2 cents. Star Wars is a fun thing to watch to discuss to enjoy/ridicule etc but to take any part of that movie and try to act it out is beyond DUMB! Seriously geniuses what were you thinking: Fuel + Glass rods + flames and you didn't see an accident coming? Guess the force is weak within you.

Where you at?

Monday, May 23, 2005

That's hot!

Props to Amanda for reminding me: that Paris Hilton new ad is hot. She is looking her best in that ad; I think she is looking her best in that ad because for once she is doing some damn work - it might not be much but at least it's something. Oh and the skimpy suit isn't bad to look at either.

Things I learn as I watch the NBA playoffs

- Hamburgers apparently talk smack to each other
- ABC has a lot of crappy series sandwiched around really hot series
- Post season is awesome w/o the Lakers
- Even w/o the Lakers Kobe’s name has to be mentioned
- That Honda CRV ad is retarded Cars are not dogs damn it.
- Danica Patrick is still hot (SHE WILL NOT WIN)
- Remember when Shaq used to be hated? (Way to go Kobe!)
- I need to talk more to my Caribbean family: Guys with accents have an advantage with the ladies, but a disadvantage in the work place.
- Robert Horry could end this season w/ as many rings as JORDAN!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Just sick!!!!

I cannot believe that this story is not getting much publicity yet; though it’s so sick and depraved that there might be some stations not wanting to carry it until they absolutely have to. Apparently a ‘church’ in L.A (state not city) has had some unusual activity to put it mildly, here is a quote from the article that I am linking to so you can read it all for yourself “former pastor accused of leading a church group in "cultlike" rituals involving the sexual abuse of children and animals.” Come on man! What is going through your head that would ever make it cool to mess with kids AND animals. Let’s keep it real; if you have enough charisma to lead crazy people into cult-like status you don’t need to go after animals or children. You will have mad women caught up in the fervor trying to drop their panties for you. Note I said the women will drop-em for you because it goes w/o saying that a woman with charisma is going to have to beat penis off of her with a stick.

Just great

How am I going to function at my job at 8.30am when I can't ever fall asleep before 5 in the morning?

If Duncan's injury is healed the Spurs will take the suns

I cant believe Scholes missed that penalty kick. I'm happy, just shocked.

Told you I would call you, it's about time you get a phone that actually works.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Congratulations Michelle

You made it out, go enjoy it all.

Glad you found her

Message to the drunk peeps, and if your a regular reader of this blog your probably one or know someone who is, dont wander off from the group if you dont have a cell phone and, dont try to start fights in the street- it never ends well. Tonight was a great night. I am too damn tired to write an effective blog, but I must shout out my peeps from the grad party and from the Mt Etna crib, good times yall good times!

Friday, May 20, 2005

Finals Party and word of the day!

So let me say it's good to be free (yes Mike insert racial joke here). Exams are over. Today's word is WOW: As in wow I can't believe it is finally over: The sense of exhiliration when you hand that last final into the proctor. On to business: My boys are going to put on one of the best parties of the year this friday (tonight) at their crib in Clairemont. I dont like posting peeps personal info on the web so I will list all 4 names, between all 4 and myself you must know someone that either has their number or mine. We would love for everyone to come out, after all finals are over. Even the H heights chics are invited! So if you need directions hit up Greg D (tank), Greg D (dui), Paul (aussie) and Brad (the negotiator).

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Crack it!

So with my final, final of my second year looming and my knowledge zooming off in the distance with my sanity; Today's word of the Day is CRACK. Now in the streets its "one gram of soda every seven grams of coke
An shake it up until it bubble[s] up an get harder
Then sit the tube in some ready made cold water
Twist the bitch like a knot while it's still hot" But in law school its the state of mind that you get closest to w/o actually going over the edge. It's also the condition of the chic that you see as soon as you enter the Cali room and turn right in the LRC. Seriously girl do you not feel a draft? It is also what will happen to the bottle of rum sitting in my cupboard. After all what else would you do with a good bottle of Jamaican rum that costs more than my evidence textbook.

So I looked in the mirror today and realized that thanks to studying I have more bags under my eyes than Paris has IQ points. The countdown 10 hours 1 min and 48 seconds I will be free of the tyranny that is the 2nd year of school.

Ok, to be honest my second year was damn fun - thanks to all who shared it with me and thanks for reading my blog this year, I will definitely be keeping it up.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Vegas anyone?

I'm thinking of doing Vegas for Memorial day weekend. Just got an email re a hookup for the Light Nightclub inside the Bellagio. Is anyone else heading out for that weekend?


So I decided to continue the educational series begun last night. Today’s phrase is BONUS TIME. It’s a phrase used to lull unsuspecting students into complacency. It is often used in this fashion: “Ok students the exam should only take you 2 hours but I am going to give you an optional extra hour: You can call it bonus time” Students responses are always along such lines “Cool…awesome…that’s so nice that we got that extra time”. However, the post exam response to bonus time is usually “Damn…no way…I can’t believe he thought we could finish that in 2 hours…I barely finished” So today’s lesson: there is no such thing as BONUS TIME!

Reminder: Friday at the Greg2 crib, end of the year party.
I must say I am intrigued by Golden Palace’s rapid expansion into buying anything gimmicky.

Monday, May 16, 2005


Thanks to my Zoology degree, I’m about to school you on some things. A race-horse is not one of the lovely creatures that run around the track at Churchill downs on Derby day. No a RACEHORSE is a law school exam that leaves you no time to breathe but enough time to curse your teacher for being born. A RACEHORSE is an exam that contains more questions than issues covered in class. A RACEHORSE is something that makes you question why you ever studied rather than just pre writing some answers. A RACEHORSE is not something you want in your life; it is not something you pay $30,000+ to obtain. A RACEHORSE is so much a staple of law school life that it now comes pre programmed with a smile from the professor and gasps of shock and outrage from the students. In our next lesson my faithful readers we will examine another law school exam term: An Ass-reaming.

Hell Week!

4 Finals in 4 days, culminating in my saying goodbye to my 3L friends. Now I know this week isn’t as bad as say the week when this scenario has occurred for many of you:
She: “I’m late”
Guy: “For what?”
She: “What do you think?”
Guy: “Oh…Are you sure?”
She: (snaps) “Of course I’m sure”
Guy: “DAMN”
So…in comparison to that, this isn’t as bad, but it’s at least as bad as the 7 days before the day LSAT results come out, and definitely worse than the wait for a blood test. In terms of school this is the worst week I’ve had in law school.

Don’t 4get the end of the year party at the home of Greg Squared, Brad and Paul on Friday.

Free hugs still available.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Chappelle update!

Thanks to Josh and Tiffany for keeping me informed re the latest news on one of my favorite entertainers. Chappelle appears to be healthy and resolving all of his issues.

Texas cheerleading!

So the bill to prevent sexually suggestive moves by High School cheerleaders stalled in the Texas senate. Basically the committee had more important things to do.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Happy Birthday Greg!

To the man that showed the world that there is more to drinking too much than just passing out!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Goodbye Party for the dean!

The dean with the crew... Posted by Hello

From the good bye event

To all other law schools: Your dean can't take our dean...Cause our dean rolls with a crew! Posted by Hello

Study break

Random stuff I had meant to blog about ages ago:

This guy in Rhode Island is both crazy and practically a one man demolition team. Look at how jacked up his face got – its no shock to me that they beat him silly if he did even half of what the cops accuse him of.

This is why I miss doing zoology

The reason why Michigan fans hate us, Cal(don’t forget the Longhorns whipped Tx Tech 51-21 at Tech on Oct 21) fans envy us and why October 10th (TX v OU) seems so much better this year. VINCE YOUNG for Heisman . And yes I know they have owned us but hope springs eternal! I'm also a Brave's fan I know what disappointment means. As much as I rag Cal fans; y'all did get caught in a sucky situation.

Never too early for a college poll especially if UT looks good in it

Chappelle update!

So apparently Dave has cracked a lil bit and is now in a mental institution in South Africa. If he ever comes back and damn I hope he does, this will make one hell of a funny skit.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Rocker off his Rocker!

I couldn’t resist the use of a bad pun. But, honestly John Rocker (formerly of the highly racist and insensitive comments re residents of NY) is back to using his yapper for more than just breathing and eating. When you’re as dumb as Rocker appears to be it might be best for your PR to never talk. The kid has now compared the booing and the treatment he receives from fans to the treatment that Jackie Robinson and Hank Aaron received when they played. Really John? Do you fear for your life and the life of your family every where you go? When you make a big play on the field does security have to fear that the fans coming on the field are not coming to celebrate but to kill you? I never wish ill on peeps but honestly if you were forced to retire from baseball it might be best for all concerned.

CaliJ still offering free hugs in the library - it will be ok y'all hang in there!

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Goodbye Becky!

Congrats to you on getting out and to all my other 3L friends, congrats on graduating. Now help my curve a lil bit and quit studying so hard. One exam down 4 to go.

Monday, May 09, 2005

I just want a hug!

"All a N@#$a really need is a lil bit
Not a lot baby girl just a lil bit
We can head to the crib in a lil bit
I can show ya how I live in a lil bit"
50 cent

For some reason around finals time I get sentimental. Not that sappy I love puppies; lets hold hands through the park sentimentality crap. I get sentimental about the sorry condition that I am in. [Yeah, yeah I know adequate preparation throughout the semester avoids this problem – but come on I am a normal student so that doesn’t apply to me] So then at this stage all I need is comfort; some peeps turn to drugs I turn to friends and ice cream.

There is a kid in the undergrad that freaks me out. Not that the kid in anyway is freaky, but his dedication to studying is intense; he is always in the library and the law school. So much so that I thought he was a 1L that I didn’t know. My undergrad days were such a fun filled haze that I can’t even detail them…unless forced to reveal them with a subpoena. This kid is quickly becoming a legend; I have never seen such steadfast dedication to undergrad pursuits. I applaud you sir. For those of y’all who have no clue who this kid is look out for a tall skinny white kid who always has a serene look on his face. Salute him when you see him.

As for me give me a hug. Even if its just a lil one.

Sunday, May 08, 2005


Show some love and appreciation. To those whose moms have passed my heart goes out to you. I'm not a big fan of made up holidays but this and Father's day are 2 that I can appreciate since so often parents are considered after thoughts in the shaping of people's lives.

Phrases that have amused me recently

So I’m not too sure what my current favorite quote of the weekend is, it has definitely been a great weekend for amusing phrases

“Boom goes the dynamite” Seriously watch that clip it’s a great study break. Thanks to Ben for this one.

“There is racist hate and racist love” Racist love is a classic.

“I would love to have been a G.I. during the liberation of Paris, there were a lot of happy French women that day, and a lot of happier American soldiers” Old anchor on CNN

Wade Robson’s mom saying “He's a very special person," she added. "He's not the boy next door. He's Michael Jackson. He's very unique.” No kidding!

Pastor boots members

Church kicks members out for voting Democrat:
I have never seen a Baptist church get this worked up over politics. I know that often pastors might impart their own political views upon their flock, but I have never heard of a pastor kicking out members because they chose to vote contrary to his views.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Great another thing to be worried about..

So I have found that in the past few years almost everything that I find fun is basically bad for me. Everything my friends do are harmful to them and thus potentially harmful to me. Red meat causes cancer, alcohol fun but the consequences are terrible, driving - awesome but bad for the environment and I have to take out student loans to afford gas etc . But now I even have to be worried about cute pets. By the way girl I warned you about trying to get your reptiles from anywhere else!

What,,,More delays?

This will sadden every Chappelle fan. The 3rd season has been delayed again! And in case the times link trys to get you to subscribe. free

Goodbye Party for the dean!

Thank you Party
Dean Daniel B. Rodriguez
Today; Time: 4:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m.
Location:Kroc Institute for Peace & Justice
6 - 7 p.m., Peace & Justice Theatre - Thank you program for Dean Rodriguez
7 - ? p.m., Rotunda - A toast to Dean Rodriguez followed by more music and more food
Tapas, beverages, music and karaoke (yes, karaoke with over 200 songs.) Feel free to be creative with your own lyrics in honor of the Dean.
K so I just cut and pasted the flier info (its 5am and I'm feeling lazy). But in all seriousness take a moment from the studying/procrastinating and say bye to the dean. You might even get to here the calij rip the mic.
Since this is the best way to get law students: FREE ALCOHOL

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Asian fetish!

This dude has taken it way too far. There is nothing wrong with being interested in the Asian culture but dude: Urine and Semen?

05/05/05 Cinco de Mayo

Seriously it's like a sign that we shouldn't be forced to study: Everyone go enjoy a beer or dozen especially if your in any of my 5 classes.

Caught my eye...

The First ladie's weekend speech was hilarious she was not out of line, it was incredibly refreshing to hear her open up like that.

According to the news the runaway bride hopes to avoid criminal penalties by issuing an apology; What she needs is Marion Berry’s ability to bounce back from controversy: “Bitch set me up” will always be a classic line and the video tape is awesome.

Roselyn Sanchez is incredibly hot

Finals suck: I can't get did the semester go by so fast?

I know I ranted about 1Ls earlier, but I really do like small doses.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Happy Birthday Girl!

Good luck with all you have to get that it's during the finals period. But when your a hot successful lawyer these days will be more enjoyable.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Lock her ass up: She needs it!

The runaway bride has as yet offered no apology for what she did. Ms. Pat Brown, criminal profiler and CEO of The Sexual Homicide Exchange, says that Jennifer Wilbanks should certainly go to jail and that had Jennifer been a man she would certainly go to jail. I agree that she should DEFINITELY GO TO JAIL.
By the way homeboy was not the first man she JILTED

- Lets examine: thanks to her huge amounts of resources were used to search for her estimates say $60,000 by the local police department
- Her husband was a suspect for days and in the eyes of many became Scott Peterson
- She caused immense amount of pain to her family and friends
- While time was wasted on her real crimes occurred, real abductions, missing persons and various other crimes worthy of media attention actually occurred
- Finally something I heard on the news at about 4AM had any of the searchers had say a heart attack or been hit by a car while searching she could have been charged with felony murder since what she has done has the potential of being charged as a felony
- Screw the whole slap on the wrist “oh that’s so cute she had cold feet” mentality: punish her if only to prevent so many damn hoaxes from being committed
- 20% of marriages are called off each year (according to FoxNews) most of them are ended the simple rational way of one party telling the other “I just can’t do this” Running away and creating a sensation is not necessary.
- And the audacity of her to pretend that she was jumped by a HISPANIC couple: come on racial tensions are already bad enough in Georgia why make up a fake Hispanic couple.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Why are you screaming?

Just saw a replay of 50 cent on SNL and Tony Yayo played his hype man (For those that dont know: those are the guys that follow rappers on stage and scream things at the audience like "Throw your hands up" etc) and seriously the screaming etc got annoying. If the dude was not on the album when I bought it chances are I dont want to see him or hear him on stage. Rap or get of the damn stage.

Ring this...

It's no secret to my regular readers that I HATE JAMSTER: Their ads annoy me, they are constantly on and half the time they are playing jams from artists I like but I just dont need to see constantly (at least not if they are only going to play a clip of the song filled with beeps). One night 3 jamster ads played back to back in the same commercial break. I have thought it to be one of the biggest (legit-lite) scams for a while: So imagine my joy that they are now being sued. Shout out to Robin for sending me that link.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.