Infrequently updated consistently funny

Friday, August 31, 2007

Let me offer advice you already know

Flagging down a cop thinking he is a taxi...not a good way to start your night!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

"Bill a bad boy, a nasty, bad naughty boy"

Many of you probably know about the uproar involving Senator Larry Craig, soliciting a male undercover cop in a bathroom, but this video from his days of chastising Bill Clinton is hilarious in light of the charges he faced.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

4 days 8 hours 45 minutes

Till Texas kicks off its season...but now thanks to this I am a little more worried, since pretty much our starting receiving core is injured

Monday, August 27, 2007

South Carolina must be so proud!!!

Wow way to make the entire country look like a bunch of idiots.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

5 days 19 hours 45 minutes...

Till the TEXAS football season begins...road to the national Title HERE WE COME!


I need a towel

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Corn pops, 3lb steaks and bicycle seats

Tonight's dinner consisted of copious amounts of corn pops a 3lb sirloin (no I did not, could not, and would not eat an entire 3lber) and changing my bicycle seat.

Corn pops; were great, took me back to my childhood except for the part of my using 2% milk.

Steak: So damn good, so bloody, to the point that I literally choked on blood on my first bite and had to wipe blood rolling down my cheek - no wonder my mom thinks that I am a sick vampire-esque type when I order steaks.

The bike seat: A very, very necessary change, I am tired of feeling like how I imagine an extra in a prison movie feels.

Props to my bike guy over at Sport Chalet, for giving me a 66% discount on the cost of the seat and providing me tools for free.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Much love and thanks

To all those who offered up prayers and thoughts for my parents.

The folks are fine, and so is the house. I hope the same for all others.


Sunday, August 19, 2007


Of living in a foreign country when your parents still live home set in strongest when potential disasters threaten your homeland.

I have been tracking hurricane Dean and hoping for the best. I know that the island is planning on scaling back electrical service to conserve and preserve access, which is all well and good but it also cuts access to various lifelines like my ability to email friends, check on IM and use VOIP phone access.

Spoke to the folks, they are hoping for the best, prepared for the worst.

Annoys me the tourists that are complaining that Jamaicans do not appear more panicked and are "not doing more to get them out of the country": 'Sorry sah that mi nah spend more time acting scared to make you feel better and not spending more time to get you away from your mere vacation spot instead of making sure that my family and loved ones are safe.'

To those bitches that are complaining that Jamaicans should spend more time taking care of them in a serious moment like this, I would spit on you but Karma says you will already be soaked enough. Instead I hope you learn some humility, respect and concern for others, eh screw it "I SPIT ON YOU and your family."

To my friends, bless all of you who have checked up on me, I thank you greatly for your concern.

Mom, Dad, I love you.

(pic clearly from

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Praying for...

My country and my folks. Hoping that Dean will veer off its current course.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Sorry for lack of posts...and props

I am currently following the California coast line, I arrived in San Francisco (apparently the natives hate it if you call it San you can just imagine the amounts of evil looks I have received.) on Wednesday morning, heading to LA LA land today, love to my valley peeps, see you in 10 hours. Back to SD tomorrow morning and back to a regular blogging schedule by the afternoon.

MUCH LOVE AND PROPS to Erik aka "E.I, E.I." for putting up the Cali J and the SS V.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Real World...07

So...I noticed something today on the New Real World and it was strangely refreshing, for the first time in a long time there is no angry black guy/girl. There is also no gay male/female or closeted individual. The 2 had become staples of the Real World and they had become cliched, annoying and just plain boring since it almost felt like each group just tried to act like the season prior to them.

Of course the obligatory male/female sluts are present that will never stop.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Random musings updated - no explicit lyrics following this post

It is crazy to me that the Kat Deluna (feat Elephant man) track that has been storming up the charts on the east coast and the South is not that hot here; it is a great summer-esque track, includes explicit references to summer and I expect it to hit big in San Diego in...Fall.

It is ridiculous that JoJo at 16 is singing a reply to Sean Kingston (17) and both songs have phrases speaking of becoming suicidal.


Random musings and some explicit lyrics

I really like that my school's colors and apparel are so popular that at almost any big event I will catch a glimpse of someone wearing the Good ole Burnt Orange. Even sometimes at events that call for 'dressing up' I will see the Longhorn gear, thanks to UT not being afraid to brand anything. Currently at the Co-op you can purchase a full suit in burnt orange, I am a bit ashamed to admit it BUT, I considered it.

I would have definitely have gotten the Burnt Orange Chuck Taylors if they had, had them in my size.

Have they already printed Tiger's name on the trophy? Unless he breaks his leg walking the course he is a guarantee. Heck even with a broken leg he might still win it.

I promised them so here they come...explicit lyrics
"First off, fuck your bitch
And the clique you claim
West side when we ride
Come equipped with game"
--Hit 'em up by Tupac (Yup that is just how I feel about you right now: WESTSIDE, no love for those on the East Coast right now, check with me in 2 hours.)

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Friday, August 10, 2007

Dedications and shout outs...yeah it is that sappy

(I am a sucker for those late night dedications that people leave on the radio, I like making up bad ones like: "This dedication goes out to Jason from Sonia, Sonia says 'Jason I know you are black and the baby is white but baby you have to believe me, I love you and the baby is yours'")
Any way here goes this dedication on behalf of a friend...seriously it is on behalf of a is purely coincidental that parts of it seem to fit my life.

"Spending all my nights, all my money going out on the town
Doing anything just to get you off of my mind
But when the morning comes
I'm right back where I started again
Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear
But as the sun goes down, I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to God that you were here

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

Now that I put it all together
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the love in your heart?
Nothing left for me, ain't there nothing left for me

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see (oh darlin')
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back (listen baby), you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you
I was wrong, and I just can't live"
--Baby come back by Player

Few random moments

Few personal moments:
You: You know who you are, everytime I talk to you I end up pissed off
Me: Wa-wow, I am missing you, looks like I WILL have to take you out on a date
Weight: Fluctuating more than Oprah's, if I could only quit ice cream, I would be golden, ok and then maybe alcohol, and steaks, but mainly ice cream..."I wish I could quit you"

Few Crazy sports stories:
Rick Ankiel: So damn happy that he is back in the big leagues (look him up, it will warm your heart)
Reggie Miller: At 42 considering playing in the NBA again
Allan Houston: Thinking about coming back
Jordan: Well he has not said anything but isn't he about due for another come back?

Few Amusing moments to me:
Britney Spears: Is it time to just arrest her for stupidity? She hit a parked car while being filmed by the press and just went shopping without bothering to leave a note...I wonder if she was surprised when the car's owner 'discovered' who hit her car
John Daly: Leading Tiger Woods in a major
My writing: The love poem I wrote as a lark is so painfully funny that I have to destroy it...if anyone ever saw it I might get labelled as an imbecile.
Fantasy Football: Those punks thinking they have a chance this year

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Mini rant.v2.332...damn you need help

Seriously, can you bloody stay single? Being single for 2 weeks is not an accomplishment and it is not impressive when you spent much of the first week in 'mourning'.

Why are you unable to just do the random 'get over it' hook-up that most people do? Why does everything with you have to turn into a relationship? Are you kidding me, he slept with you, so you now have to date? Cot-damn you are clingier than a barnacle.

I feel so, so, so bloody ashamed that you have the authority to claim me as an ex. Crazy thing is the realization of how much I pity you came to me while I was shaving. If you spent as much time studying as you spent under dudes there would be nothing you could not accomplish. "Now go out there and be somebody" (edit: sorry even in a rant the Cali-J cannot help but quote Chappelle...if you know where the reference is from you then know what he is hinting at having done :) )

Stay single, enjoy solitude for a bit, not every guy that smiles at you is right for you, oh and tell your friend that I said I am sorry I did not call her back...

Just got invited to a Bachelor party.

And just realized, I have not been to a bachelor party in America. Hopefully, it is as good as all the stuff they show on TV...would be especially awesome if Tom Hanks rolls through with Tawny Kitaen and a drugged up horse, I mean that is all realistic right?

Sex with a sign post, now that is classy!

How on earth does someone perform a solo sex act with a traffic sign?

Keith Richards is a SICK BASTARD seriously you sick thought snorting your dad was respectful? If he lives to be a hundred and fifty like he claims he will, there is hope for us all.

I absolutely love that I now have full screen (full access) google maps capability on my phone with gps locating and it is free...All that is left is for me to access the street view feature and I might start singing in traffic.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Never go DRINK FOR DRINK with the Cali-J

Hahahah Andele aka EI aka Erik the Innocent, I love that the report I got from your temp crib had you passed out before we even hit the final bar of the night. I ended up hitting the wine bar and pouring more booze down the throat. I have serious concerns about your ability to hang when I hit Oakland 2 weeks from now...that is if I do not get shot while there.

In Andele's defense, we did start drinking at 1 in the bloody afternoon, and at no time were we without a glass of booze in our hands.

WE SAW HISTORY TONIGHT>>>>>thanks to Barry Bonds, will post more when I am not so tired.

Bless you Barry!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

UT is awesome for sex! Much better than USD...(I have heard)

Researchers at my old school have come up with 237 reasons why people have sex. No shock that a school with over Fifty thousand students would find out all the various reasons for having sex. I might be the SCV but I am sure I know a few good reasons for trying to get milady to lower her draw bridge.

Just a few off the top of my head.
- You're cold
- Horny
- Partner is horny
- Bored
- Awake
- Full
- Have free time
- She's hot
- She's willing
- Butter face
- It's her sister
- Her mom
- Cause you can
- She is awake
- You're awake
- She smiled
- You are drunk
- You are sober
- You are alive
- She is breathing
- She is easy
- She is easy with booze in her
- She is difficult and you finally got a shot
- You finally got the apartment to yourself
- Your roomie is passed out on the couch
- No one in school knows you are sleeping with her so you feel sexy having sex with her
- You deny that you are having sex with her, then have sex in a classroom cause it feels right
- She pissd you off
- Her friend is a slut
- It feels good
- You have to prove that, "seriously that has never happened before"
- You saw her name on the bathroom wall
- No seriously, "oh oh oh oh oh" is something people say cause it feels really really good.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

"In Africa, animals are used to clear minefields"

This video will shock you and probably sadden you. Sad that, that is the method they had to resort to, but better an animal I guess than a child wondering through the field...I hate land mines, I hate war in general but damn this is just such a low way to fight a war.

Thanks Josh for the vid link

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About Me

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.