Infrequently updated consistently funny

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Really funny Mavado video!

The video is mildly safe for work but the audio is NOT!!!
Trust me the video starts off slow (almost painfully so) but the end is worth the first 20 seconds...oh man is it worth it. Cannot tell you more, cause I do not want to spoil it for you

Have fun

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Woman throwing tantrum in the airport

She missed her flight from Hong Kong to San Francisco and this is the classic reaction she gave.

I sympathize I wanted to throw a tantrum when Air Jamaica caused me to miss all departing flights out of Ft Lauderdale and I had to spend a day and night there...screw you Air Jamaica, I hope someone embarrasses y'all like this lady did to herself!!!

Oh and, she got on a flight a few hours later. She is talking in Cantonese so sorry I cannot translate for you....except: She is yelling at her husband for not telling the counter people that someone else was on their way...ok I cannot take credit for that my cantonese is not that good, that is just what said.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Jamaica parliamentarian says GAYS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO CARRY GUNS!...Father forgive my land

I AM ASHAMED TO BE JAMAICAN RIGHT AT THIS INSTANCE. Look, I constantly make fun of America so I would be less of a man if I could not shine a light on a member of my parliament making a fool of himself and his country...and getting other idiots to agree with him (listen to the peeps in the background showing assent and the Prime Minister sitting there serenely listening to him - Fire fi dem all)

Unuu should be ashamed of unnuu self. I have been told that you are a lawyer so great...I AM ASHAMED TO BE A LAWYER RIGHT AT THIS INSTANCE. Where is the reasoned discussion that is supposed to come with our profession? Where is the reasoned elaboration from examining existing arrangements?

Do you even realize that you are saying gays are less than human? Do you realize that you want to treat 'the gays' like the British used to treat us? We could fight their wars, scrub their floors, but we could never be them! My mom has said the educated people of our country will all scorn your statement but many will not say anything publicly for fear of being branded gay. Well fie on that, I will brand YOU publicly, you are disgusting, and the culture of fear that you are promoting by such speeches sitting in the seat of our government is the same reason why others will not speak out.

Our crime rate is at record levels, our economy is SUFFERING, the US dollar weakened and instead of ours gaining on it, it is moving to $90 J.A. to $1 U.S. and the big things you have to talk about are Homosexuals and Daggerin' songs? What the hell are unnuu in power to do?

Maybe they are arming themselves because some people get up in Parliament and make statements against them. Maybe because as a culture we claim to be God fearing peaceful and forgiving but then beat homosexuals or men (merely) accused of being homosexuals.

The claim that the Jamaica Constabulary Force has a large number of gays ("overrun" in your words)... So? When a thief comes into your house at night is your first thought, "I hope the policeman that shows up is not gay?" or is it "Father protect me and send help NOW!" Cause mine is the latter, I am a straight man, but if a gay policeman is the person that saves my life best believe I am hugging him! What you afraid that merely touching a gay person will make you gay too? Remember, plenty of your friends are probably on the Peter King might be too!
(a quick aside, how comes nobody can get to see those tapes? I find that very suspicious)
I want to see your stats: How many are in the J.C.F.? (not that it matters if one policeman is gay or all are, I just want to see these numbers that you so blatantly throw out)

Furthermore, you are concerned that gays are forming organizations? Really, after you just took them to task in parliament? You are lucky the only thing they are forming is peaceful organizations, after the way you just treated them, they probably should be forming militias.

When the Prime Minister said on the British Program that we will not bow to international pressure re our laws concerning gays, I applauded his stance, because I took a nationalist view. While I feel many of our laws concerning homosexuality should be changed, I do not believe any country has the right to come tell us what to do (you hear me Britain, take your Governor General and your requirement that Jamaicans, members of the bloody commonwealth have to get VISAS and go drop it inna di Queen lap). But, to say that normal (and yes gays are normal people) law abiding citizens in a country that has one of the WORST crime rates in the world, should be deprived of the right to defend themselves merely because they do not like the same things that you and I do is asinine. You sir are an ASS!

Any long time reader of the blog knows my hesitance on calling for peeps jobs (I prefer to fine and suspend most times) but here sir, you need to be removed from your post. I doubt it will ever happen but I truly wish it would.

"Come and feel the spirit,[one love, one heart] , the spirit of Jamaica, lets get together it's gonna feel all right [one love, one heart]" that is the ad used to lure tourists to Jamaica...make sure you add at the end in the fine print disclaimers like medical adverts, "...but not if you are gay, maybe gay, act like you are gay and belong to any gay supportive organizations. If you carry a licensed fire arm but happen to be gay, Jamaica may not be right for you. Known side effects are a feeling that you do not belong, that your safety is compromised and you are less than equal. If you match any of these symptoms ask your travel agent if you display any outward symptoms of gayness, if not...have a nice trip"

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Lil Wayne on ESPN's Around the Horn, and check out the smack he delivers at the end

Hottest rapper alive right now, the kid is even coming out with a rock album and he blogs for ESPN...when does this star burn out?

"Is Chris Brown in a Car Chase?" answer, nope its DJ answer; neither of them

Those were the words everyone was uttering as my bro and I entered the gym tonight around 11pm (well at least up till the question mark the answer came later). A lot of peeps were gathered around a single TV, no one was working out particularly hard and we were all staring at this image:

At the time, everyone was convinced it was Chris Brown in the car and even the TV anchors were hinting at that...turns out it was Mr. "We the Best" D.J. Khaled or at least someone who looks a lot like him. If the news had earlier been able to get this Image, the whole thing would have been put to rest! No offense to Khaled, but people just do not care as much about him as they do about Brown especially right now.

(update...the driver was taken away in an ambulance, some blogs are claiming he shot himself, some are even claiming...death)

On to Brown for a second (and for once it is not Bobby when we are talking about domestic issues) it is clear this kid is in trouble and went ridiculously too far. I can never condone what he did, but damn if even half of the rumors of what might have triggered his rage are true, I would have been pretty pissed too...but I would have been a man and NOT HIT A WOMAN!

Anyway, let the Cali J slip into gossip-blog mode for a second. I have sources (yes it is true, I really do, and I love being able to say that) in the industry who swear that Ri Ri gave him Herpes and stepped out on him with Kanye...again man if only one of those things is true I would be LIVID, if both are true, I would be flying to Jamaica to take some time off from the same country as the gyal. Not that citing another blog is definitive proof but I know some of you will want to read it elsewhere to give you a secondary source so here you go...

I cannot help it, sorry, but some peeps have claimed there was an umbrella in the car...draw your own conclusions

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Report: Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 while with Texas Rangers - ESPN --big shock

Report: Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 while with Texas Rangers - ESPN

The only things shocking about this are that MLB still calls their testing methods in 2003 anonymous and that peeps are shocked that A-Rod/A-Fraud aka Alexis might have been doping.

The Bonds case is a clear example that there was very little accountability when it came to protecting information and samples. But on to the main part of this blog.

For years when others were being accused of 'cheating' and roiding, A-rod was often given a free pass. In fact I kept hearing people rejoice in the fact that a 'clean player' like A-Rod would break Bonds' home run record. I also heard many a person say, just look at A-rod and you will know he is not juicing...o.k. WHY?

A-rod is incredibly fit, incredibly competitive and appears to be incredibly insecure, hmm to me that sounds like the same recipe that we were told drove Bonds to juice, so why would A-rod be any different? Everything we hear about A-rod says his desire is to be better than Jeter, well currently Jeter has multiple rings, multiple endorsements and has gone through so much of the FHM top 100 most beautiful list that he could probably make the hall of fame just on that. A-rods biggest claims to fame? He may be dating Madonna and he had the richest contract EVER in MLB (an almost impossible contract to live up to...wonder if that would have caused pressure to roid...I'm not saying, I'm just saying!).

A-rod has no rings, but a nation's spotlight on him, he is expected to lead Baseball in major categories but yet played for the Rangers for years and could not even get them into the Playoffs with the Yanks he can not get them World Series wins...and no one thinks he might take a cheat route?

A-rod started as a SHORTSTOP! No one expects shortstops to hit for power yet A-rod is able to lead or be near the top of the league in home runs? Yes I know he was shifted to 3rd base when he joined the Yankees but that was because they had JETER! If anyone but Jeter had been there A-rod would still be a shortstop on pace to break MLB's all time HOMERUN RECORD!!

Spare me the "this is shocking" attitude, pitchers were roiding up, so I think peeps need to get off their high horses about the stats that batters posted,for all we know many of the dings that Bonds got came off pitchers that were only able to stay in the majors because they were on the Juice.

p.s. GREG MADDUX better be a unanimous hall of fame vote (stop this asinine no one gets in with a 100% ballot) no hint of roids, the most consistent pitcher for 20 years (in a roids period) best gold glove pitcher EVER, and he got my Braves a World Series ring. All hail the Mad Dog!

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.