A Cowherd rant causes me to rant - thanks Ben

My friend Ben and I ridicule the fact that I occasionally listen to Colin Cowherd. The problem is, I hate dead periods of no sound, I am clearly addicted to sonic assaults and need stimulus when doing menial tasks like showering etc., so I listen to a lot of sports talk radio. Usually in the mornings I listen to Dan Patrick but sometimes 9more and more infrequently) during the commercial breaks on that show I switch to ESPN radio. Which leads to this rant: 

 I wonder if Cowherd is espousing his idiotic rants all show or do I just happen to catch them; I lit on his show for a minute or 2 and heard this (may not be verbatim but the gist is close) "When I give talks at colleges (if my college had him talk I would be ashamed) I ask the guys in the audience 'who here has girlfriends?' those are the guys I say will be able to work in radio, they are closers. It is the same with Johnny Football, he always has a hot girl with him, you know he is a closer, he talks to any girl" - so forget for a second that he is a QB at a football mad school, just remember he is a QB!!!! Then remember that he is rich, and in college at a football mad institution. Remove the football but keep his same build and we have a young man in college who is athletically built and rich, remove the rich and we have a young man in college that is athletically built, I guess I do not know what Cowherd's college lifestyle was like but I know in my college years, being fit got you a tonne of girls, rich, poor or middleclass. 

Let us not forget Johnny Manziel became so popular at that sorry institution for higher learning (I feel the need to do that Journalist trick of outlining my bias by noting that I went to UT) that they allowed him to take all online courses so that he would not be a distraction to fellow students. If the guy so popular that he has to take online classes cannot get a hot girl it would be an indictment on him as a man, not as a football player.  And so what if he is a closer with the ladies, does that extend to his ability on the football field? Recent history has shown that a tonne of average to middling players have clearly been closers with the ladies and it has NOT helped their on field production. See for instance Mr. Travis Henry he of the allegedly 11 kids by 10 women as of right now...or if you want a different sport try Jason Caffey who up to last year was at the count of 10 children by 8 women. 

Before any racists decide to jump in here and start to spout that it is only the black guys with a tonne of children outside of marriage (while ignoring that the leagues are predominantly black) I give you Scott Skiles 6 kids, 

Richard Sherman and the ever evolving N-word.

It has been almost a week since Sherman gave his adrenaline laced pro-wrestlingesque interview to Erin Andrews and I thought by now the indignation and analysis would have died down. I guessed wrong. I opened up my espn.com app to see these words "Goodell not a fan of Sherman's comments" Really? Now the commissioner has to weigh in on a post-game interview that included zero curse words, zero references to gender, orientation, age, lifestyle etc. etc. None of the usual trigger words that one would think would require a pronouncement from on high. In fact it was not even a white CB vs a Black WR or vice versa (okay, okay you do not need to point out that there is no way it could have been a White Corner Back…that is a different discussion) I am just saying there were no racial implications in Sherman's insult of Crabtree except one – 'The Angry black man'.

Let's make it clear, I do not think Sherman is an angry black man, I am saying that I have seen him labelled as such in many venues, for giving a hyped up post-game interview or RANT as it is so unnecessarily being called. I have never seen a proclamation from Goodell on any PhillipRivers post game or (as is often) in game trash talking. I never saw Goodell discuss the instance of Phillip running down the sidelines yelling at the opposing team's bench in a 'menacing' manner. You could also say the stakes were never as big as the Super Bowl (but that would be me just taking shots at my Charger Friends…hey guys – Still no Super bowl???? Ouch). 

This is not an anti-commish post, in fact he should not have been asked the question, but once asked did he have to resort to such coded language (even if he did not realize it or mean to) as "He is extremely well-spoken"? Why am I never told how "well-spoken" the white trash talker is? Why am I never reminded of the great college the white player went to? Should it not be impressive that Tom Brady went to Michigan a difficult college to get into (or reminded of his child out of wed-lock)? Should I not be impressed by how "well-spoken" he is right after he and his coach pointed out that they targeted a defensive player because they knew he was easy to beat?

Sherman has been called a thug in so many places that Deadspin.com even took note of the number of occurrences "The day after the Seahawks' win, the word "thug" was uttered 625 times on American television, or more than on any single day in at least three years."

 Hmm why on earth would it need to be said that many times about a guy who had just made the play that saved his team's season and voiced a NON-VIOLENT opinion about his competitor? I know it was certainly not used because he was wrong – Crabtree is not a mediocre receiver, but what if he was mediocre? Would we then have seen all this uproar?

As Sherman himself has stated, the use of thug has just become the new way of saying the N-word to him. Now not everyone saying he is a thug means to call him a n-word, but a lot of people are certainly towing the line.

I am now going to comment on the fact that he went to Stanford. THANK GOD he went to Stanford, or any smart school, because hopefully (and it certainly seems so) he will have that strong educational background to rise above the backlash and to see it for what it is, small minded people taking shots at someone because he happens to look different from them. I hope that Stanford background contributed to his strength of character and intelligence to let him know, to avoid the easy bait that the race instigators want him to take.

Finally, I could not believe that some persons were claiming that he scared Erin Andrews in that interview? Wha-wha-WHAT? This is a woman who has worked for years in the sporting arena (and in video that was cut is seen hugging Sherman) she was certainly not afraid of the athlete yelling into the camera NOT at her. Nor was she afraid of the athlete who was amped up after his game and clearly acting wildly because of the game, not because of her. To suggest she was afraid again plays on the 'angry black man' stereotype or on the 'jungle savage' hysteria that is so often played on when a heavily muscled man with dreads happens to show up on a TV screen. J.J. Watts routinely does interviews with bloodstreaming down his face and a manic look but I never hear anyone claim his interviewers are scared. But if you doubt me, ask Erin Andrews she made it clear she was not scared.

Please can we stop immediately dissecting every black man's actions as a means of finding out how close he is to being a 'n-word' and just stop associating all black actions to that word. I would also just love if we would stop using that word entirely…but one cause at a time.

Happy MLK Jr. day 2012!

Oh Dr. King your sacrifice got us greater racial equality (we are close but not all the way there yet) and a holiday! I sadly suspect more peeps are grateful for the holiday now than the equality.

I wish you were still around to see (and since you are famous probably meet) Tim Tebow. He is this amazing phenomenon (for an average football player) that dominates sports headlines and pop culture.

He is a slower Michael Vick, a less accurate Vince Young, a weaker Warren Moon, a less dynamic Randall Cunningham, he isn't even as gifted as Rodney Peete seriously don't laugh Rodney Peete was "drafted by the Toronto Blue Jays out of high school, and the Oakland Athletics and Detroit Tigers while in college" per wikipedia (grain of salt added for taste).

Tim Tebow just lacks something all of the above players had...

But because it is your day Dr. King I will go with some 'equality' and point out that Tebow is no more religious than Kurt Warner, or Steve Young or Ray Lewis (if you want to go non-Qb).

He has captured imaginations while giving fodder to both sides of any argument that involves discussing his skills. He will look absolutely incompetent for 58.5 minutes of a game that only last 60 minutes and then for just that last minute and a half engineer a drive that will win the game! Seriously Dr. King he will only be good for 2.5% of the time he is doing his 'job' and yet get praised like he was the best player ever. I cannot imagine a doctor botching a surgery so badly that at the end of it all he manages to do is save my life while costing me a limb or 2 then he gets praised for his life saving abilities!

He replaced a guy called Kyle Orton who is a much more accurate passer than Tebow ever was or probably ever will be yet somehow could not ever win with the same team that Tebow now wins with.

Many are beginning to believe in the unbelievable because they cannot explain the 'lucky' coincidences in his wins. They refuse to consider things like small sample size (where if one looks at the fact that Tebow has only played a few games is woefully inaccurate and has a bad QB rating, over time he would be more likely to lose more than he would win), or the joy of scheduling that placed the Broncos up against incompetent teams and teams that did not make the playoffs during Tebow's win streak. They ignore things like; when Tebow went up against Orton (yest the QB he replaced) in a virtual must win game for the Broncos he lost! Of course divine intervention stepped in and the Raiders who could have kept Tebow out of the playoffs lost too...

Divine intervention, yes sir you heard me correctly people now think that God is interested enough in American Football games to intervene in John Elway's teams games. Oh did I not mention that? Yup the same team that John Elway captained to 2 super bowls and also is now the Exec VP of has a fan base that believes so firmly in Tebow that they are comparing him to Elway and...Elway is not always coming out favourably. But do not just take my theories for fact, check out this poll and this article in USA Today.

The breakdown amuses me
Among ethnic groups, the Hispanic/Latino demographic was the biggest believer, with 81.3% saying yes. Among African-Americans, 59.5% said yes, and for whites it was 38.3%.
Politcally speaking, 54.2% of Republicans said yes, as did 38.2% of Democrats and 35.1% of independent voters.
...wonder why that is.

The thing about it is...almost every athlete after a good performance praises God so I cannot imagine he has chosen to favour Tim and his left hand. (Vick is a lefty too and the religious Steve Young just saying). And let me give a little plug to Ken Stabler a great lefty that too few show love to.

Yes Dr. King on this day when I think of you, I just wonder what you would think of the hype surrounding this (insert colour here) Quarterback.

What is weird though Dr. King, is that while I am not a fan of Tebow and I hate the hype around him, I am starting to feel sorry for him because  no player, no QB white, black, hispanic or any colour could live up to the burden that fanatic fans and media personalities are placing on him. And certainly no one with mediocre skills.

Oh one more thing Dr. King (no one ever calls you Martin do they?) in a rare display an athlete named Stevie Johnson actually blamed God for a loss so of course it made news. He did it on Twitter which is a micro blogging site that will for years to come cause severe cases of foot in mouth disease. If you could still do it I would tell you to follow my friend @swalloween. Anyway here is Stevie's tweet after he dropped a pass in an OT game. "I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO..."

Enjoy the rest of the day, in a display of unity I am about to go meet my white friend, pick up my Persian friend and then go to the Asian grocery store so we can cook some Italian food later.

Best,

Cali J.

Many questions, few answers or Why would the blood bank lady think I would think about making a donation before noon on a saturday?

• Was that title long enough for you?
• Who knew Jolly Ranchers had a soda?
• Is there a faster way to increase the rate of diabetes in this country?
• Why do I have more soaps and shampoos in my shower than most girls I know?
• I have the 2 in 1 Zinc Shampoo for dry scalp; I have the 'sweet' smelling herbal Shampoo and conditioner bottles for the days when I want to smell great; I have the 3 in 1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash for the days when I am in a bloody hurry cause I decided an extra 15 minutes of sleep was crucial and I cannot waste time using 3 separate bottles; I have not 1 but TWO strawberry body washes of different brands; I have the 'manly' Dial body wash (with the extra moisturizer); I have the exfoliating body wash...and none of that includes the additional stuff stored under the counter.
• Why do I still love watching wrestling? 
• Yes I know it's fake, so are sitcoms...I often find this funnier.
• Why are there so many 'paranormal' shows out there?
• Why is 'So you think you can dance' a hit?
• How is it my boy and I willing watched a chick flick?
• It has nothing to do with all the above soaps...a man can just be concerned about his cleanliness
• Why am I the only person in my clique who LOVES ice cream mixed with milk? 
• And no...not a milk shake, just a splash or 2 of ice cream milk (* editor: apparently my subcon was so strong I put what I love most on what I love most...thanks Grace for the catch) on your scoops of ice cream
• How does Paris Hilton have a new show?
• No seriously, how? 
• What the hell is wrong with A. The athletic apparel companies and B. my calves that cause the companies to release Calf Compression gear with sizes of large and X-large and the size difference being 14.5-16.5 for Large and 16.5-18.5 for X-large? 
• Why does this tick me off?
• Because My left calf is exactly 16.6 unflexed and only goes down to 16.5 flexed and my right is exactly 16.5 - I used 2 different measuring tapes
• So what happens if I buy this, and lose weight while running? 
• Or, what if I increase my calf muscle size?
• Both would be good things...but I do not know if I need to get the large size so it fits snuggly or the x-large size so it just fits?
• Why is the bloody size change line exactly at the size of my bloody calves?
• Why couldn't it have been just like the Weight lifting gloves...X-large? 
• Yup ladies, you read that right
• I wear big gloves
• No really nothing more being hinted there
• Just telling you in case you are ever shopping for me
• Leather is prefferred
• Why are my friends demanding I watch "Ice loves Coco"?
• In that Vegas ad where the guy gets locked out of his room in nothing but a robe; where is he getting all the cash and ID's to purchase all the stuff and pick up the girl (I am assuming she is NOT a hooker)?
• Why am I watching 'Why did I get married, too?'
• Am I compelled to support black cinema?
• Why are people disappointed with Lebron James?
• Maybe if you were not so desperate to think of him as the next Jordan you would just appreciate his current level of greatness?
• But is it so shocking that a kid that was told he was the greatest since junior high, nicknamed himself the 'King' and never went through the socializing that college brings would shrink in high pressure situations?
• Why am I up at 3:44am when I am giving blood in 9 hours?
• Better yet: Am I a lush because I plan to meet up with alcoholic friends half an hour after donating blood?
• I do get props for scheduling the drinks for after the donation though right?
• RIGHT?
  

Shaq and Hoopz engaged?

Insomnia is a hell of a thing: Because of it I am up listening to Sports talk radio and hearing the rumor that Shaq may now be engaged to Hoopz from the first season of Flavor of Love...come on Shaq this better be false!

Since I am lazy I will just link to a site that showed up when I googled the rumor http://thetvrealist.com/gossip/Shaq-and-Hoopz-Engaged-3352193.html

At least I can fall asleep knowing that of the many crazy things I do constantly, multi-millionaires do crazier things...allegedly.

Congrats Samir And Karina and general hodge podge

First things first. It was my tremendous honor to officiate the Wedding of Samir and Karina this weekend. I am still shocked they picked me, and I hope I did not mess it up too much. The couple was so lovely, Karina was beautiful in her dresses (yup plural) and Samir cleans up well.

I rocked an Afro because I did not think braids would be acceptable and since my scalp has not seen the sun in awhile I could not shave it - refused to have a glowing dome for an outdoor wedding.

It was basically a big Sunny Hills reunion, I am quickly and scarily realizing that I know a tonne of peeps from that school.

Another thing I am noticing is that I tend to meet people who seem to know people, that know people that I know (yup the sentence is confusing because that is how it feels for me here). At the rehearsal in Fullerton, I met a friend who I became friends with in Hermosa, through Northern Cali friends who have nothing to do with the So Cal friends of my new friend who just happened to be part of the wedding. Millions of people in So Cal and yet everywhere I go, I tend to meet peeps I know...guess it is a sign that I tend to move in the same circles no matter where I live/visit. Heck even wine tasting in Santa Ynez I met up with friends unexpectedly.

"They be like Smooth (what), Can you teach me how to dougie?" - - Horrible song, but it is stuck in my head and I actually like the simplistic dance...shame on me, I accept it. And now for all posterity it is on the wedding video.

The grooms men all wore pink monogrammed socks with rhinestones...yup, I can rock anything proudly. Most of the reception had me walking around with a pant leg pulled up - look if I am going to have to wear a sock like that, and take pix with it, I might as well just show it and the stellar right calf off. (yup still calf pressing 400lbs with each leg, strongest muscles I have...I want the world to know).

Right after talking about leg muscles I should point out...my left leg feels like it is broken. I was so tired from the weekend (just not sleeping enough - in 4 days, I slept 6 hours) and working too much the last few days of the week I was not careful enough and strained the leg. So no it is not really broken (never broken a bone) it just sucks right now. So painful I could not even test out the road bike I was going to ride for the first time this week.

Avid cyclist that I am, I have been riding since the age of 3 I have never ridden a road bike! It was tricycle to BMX (never a huffy man), to Trek, to Trek, to Trek to Stolen Trek (if I ever find you you bastard, dog nyam yuh suppah) to now the hybrid mountain bike that causes me pain after mile 15. Almost afraid to test the road bike, because I love trails and I do not want to become spoiled by the smooth ride of a road bike and then have to spend money on maintaining 2 damn bikes!

Already in World Cup withdrawal.

The anger towards Lebron is amazing. Yeah he announced his decision in a crappy manner, but the vitriol poured out towards him is insane. Who does it really help to riot and burn jerseys?

Bloody strange summer in SO CAL, the rest of the nation is roasting with heat waves and we are actually dealing with overcast skies most days.

"Damn these dudes are Sequoias"

Nothing like standing in a bar with 3 guys infront of you and the shortest guy is 6 foot 7. Let me point out I am just around 6ft 220lbs so I am by no means a small guy and yet I felt like a little person. At one point one of my boys was looking for me and he was just on the other side of the human forest and could not see me.

So I went out in Hermosa tonight, first time in a long time that we went out with a reduced crew. Most of the crew was out of town or with family...with that reduction in numbers you would think we would get in less or no trouble...nope

I am always amused by songs that most people claim to hate or use words like 'awful' 'sucks' 'ridiculous' but once played in a club with 'club bass' they are irresistible to dance to; think almost any Soulja Boy song. I know most peeps clown that kid, but wow he knows how to put together a beat that will make you at the very least bob your head.

Funniest moment of my night, standing outside a dive bar, some random chick walks up, and deposits her equally random friend beside me and says "Take care of her, I am counting on you to get her home safely" UGH NOOOOOO!!!! I immediately told her not to leave her friend and to make sure to put her in a cab. I understand that she might have been drunk, but that is just crazy, and not the best way to take care of your friend.

By the way, "My dougie" is such a ridiculous song (see how that works) but I love doing the dance in a crowd in the club.

This is what happens to my Friday nights when I am 'waiting on a call' I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had actually planned to go out tonight.

Let us go even more stream of consciousness than the above.

- Hanging out with cops in a bar is surreal and can kill harmonious vibes
- the US team got hosed by the referee today
- Drinking over 120 ounces of ANYTHING is just too much and yup I counted, I had to since the night started off with my boy handing me a 32Oz cup...just crazy
- Glee has its funny moments but I am not sure I can stand all the singing - and yup I know that is the point of the damn show...I accept the conflict
- Being able to walk to all the bars is damn good, until it becomes an unbreakable habit
- Mean people suck, nice people...hahah ok I just wanted to make sure you were reading on
- Seriously, I hate flakes, and I hate peeps who are passive aggressive (I am too and I hate that about myself) if you are pissed at me, just say so seriously no weird goodbyes or rolled eyes.
- Guys who mean mug in clubs crack me up, I am too old to be fighting, and if you can get in the club so are YOU!
- The girl that called out her boy by telling me that he acts aggressive but is too scared to ever throw a punch was awesome and funny, and should probably not be with that Jackass.
- Peeps are way too relaxed around me: things I heard tonight "Going home to my booty call", "I love to eat pussy", "Black is the only color for me", "You need to bring me girls with big tits" My response "I do not know you": which led to "It's cool man, just bring me girls with big tits"
- I miss blogging, I am lazy and I barely even put up Facebook status messages but I miss blogging, I do it less and less because I do not trust myself, but I miss it.
- Seeing the Grunion run is AWESOME
- "You can call me nice all you want but I am a bad boy and bad boys do bad things" Now holla at me with your cute butt, we are going to the gym!

Chilean Weightlifter did not know she was pregnant had kid during training

Zoology degree notwithstanding there are some things related to biology I just cannot understand. And this is one of them. How can an Olympic athlete IN TRAINING and competitions not realize she is pregnant, and not only that she gave birth while training!

I have a hard time fathoming how any woman can go so many months without knowing that she is pregnant. My neighbor did it for 7 months (still disturbing) before she finally found out, just in time to get at least some pre-natal care.

Hope fully this girls kid will eventually come around to being fully healthy. I cannot help laughing at what this trainer said "I could see she was a big girl, round and strong. That's all I noticed." –Yeah Buddy understatement right there.


By the way I love the headlines that find it necessary to put this word in their text 'FEMALE' weightlifter.

Thanks Tiger, now I trust no one

Granted I am not a very trusting person in the first place, with good reason since people just suck in general when it comes to keeping secrets. But now thanks to the whole Tiger-cheating-saga I trust everyone less. When a phone goes off I wonder what is happening. Heaven forbid someone has to leave the room to talk on their phone you cannot help but wondering what is going on.

I have taken to jealously guarding my Blackberry and I do not even have anything to hide. It just seems like the safer plan. For instance in my case I get weird messages from my friends, no need to have any misunderstandings like why does that text say "Hope to see you soon I have missed you". And since a few of my male friends have names that sound like girl names it could just get more and more complicated.

I never read text messages over shoulders or emails that are being read in front of me. That just leads to trouble. A friend of mine was visiting a girl he was 'daggering' and she received a call while he was there from an Ex. He then over-heard snatches of the conversation and relayed them to me via IM. To me the conversation seemed completely innocent but because he was the one who was 'dating' the young lady every little thing was misconstrued.

I wish I could mock him but...I do the damn same thing. If I hear the wrong thing it sends me into a bit of a quandary. Should I blow up, should I laugh it off? Why is the call at this time? Of course the time that is bad fluctuates. If it is 8am, why is the call so early? If the call is mid-day, are they trying to pull a lunch time fast one? If the call is in the evening, is it a dinner meet up? If the call is mid-night, well come on you know what the thought is then! But of course this is not triggered by every call. I am not a crazy man, I am not even a jealous man. But I do favour the lyrics from a song from ages ago (please do not look it up I am already embarrassed enough I ever listened to that group) "I'm not suspicious, I'm cautious"

So when I see suspicious phone activity: like too many texts messages then followed by phone calls, that lead to whispered conversations or people waiting for me to leave the room before returning calls...I do begin to wonder what is going on.

Then again, someone might just be planning a surprise party for me, yup that might be it. Either way, I still never eavesdrop so I will never know what the call is about. Hahahah damn you Tiger, I never used to care!

You are not a ‘chick’ you are a football player!

I get supremely tired of the paternalistic attitude that our society takes towards women in general and women in sports. I completely believe in equality, yet many persons who claim they want equality between the sexes hide behind the veil of ‘women are the weaker sex and should be protected’.

Only in terms of actual muscle size are women the fairer sex, but beyond direct head to head competition between men and women there is no reason to consider women as weaker than men, and certainly NOT when they are engaged in their own sporting activities.

Elizabeth Lambert is a football player (soccer in America) who went in a word NUTS during a game. She punched an opponent in the back (granted after she took an elbow), did a few dangerous and aggressive tackles, pulled an opponent down so vigorously by the pony tail (let that soak in for a second) that the girl’s head jerked and she fell to the ground as if she had been shot, and she punched another in the face. Any one of those acts could have earned her a red card and suspensions for a few games, (but the refs did not sanction her – seriously the quality of reffing in all sports this year is atrocious -) taken all together, they obtained her an indefinite suspension.



Now there are some saying that the attention paid to her incidents are because she is female. Look I do not doubt that some attention has been paid to her solely because she is a woman, but at the same time I think much of the attention has been paid because she seriously went CRAZY. When have you ever seen a man engage in activity like that and not get vilified? For instance let me place you on a grander stage but with a simpler act: Zidane in the World Cup delivered a head butt to the Italian defender who insulted him and his family, take note it was one blow a head butt, one act - an instant dismissal, and world-wide shame. Elizabeth Lambert did not receive nearly the scorn that was heaped on Zidane yet I should believe that most of this is because she is a woman? And again, I know in terms of importance the scale is different, the World Cup versus NCAA playoffs but the reactions can be compared. If Zidane had not only head butted the Italian but also punched him, done dirty tackles and grabbed a pony tail (and yup in that game there was enough hair for pony tails) we would still be combing through video tape of the incident.

When American Football players pull players down by the face mask and cause injury, it tends to be the lead on ESPN. Even simple locker room fights get coverage. And yet I have never seen a player do as much in a single game as Lambert did in her game. If Chad Ochocinco ever decides to try and remove the front teeth from his opponent’s mouth in the manner in which Lambert attempted to do dentistry on her foe, I am pretty sure his career would be severely impacted for a year.

But, let us take one of the greatest examples of male players going NUTS in recent history: ‘The Malice at the Palace’ or you might know it as Ron Artest running into the stands with half of the Indiana Pacers riding shotgun with him. Artest started a melee and contributed to one of the greatest non-boxer Athlete punches I have ever seen (I would post video of it, but the NBA takes that down immediately as it goes up so the link would be dead by the time you read this anyway) Jermaine O’neal hitting a tubby guy so hard that I felt it in my fillings. I still maintain that because O’neal slipped while swinging that guy is still walking this earth.

Thanks to that incident we now think of Ron Artest as a mad-man, Stephen Jackson as a man completely willing to rearrange your grill and the Indiana Pacers have become a team that many feel has on purpose decided to become the whitest team in the league (man I really hope that is just coincidental and not really related to the malice in the palace because that would really be sad and a bad reflection of prejudice).

So under the Ron-ron parameters I am now obligated to think of Elizabeth Lambert as a completely insane woman, who should not be let back onto a field until she is completely re-evaluated…only fair right? After all, we are all equal.

Lebron is a brat, plain, simple and understandable

It is easy to bash Lebron after his graceless exit following his team’s loss to Orlando over the weekend. A player who has coveted and basked in the media’s spotlight for years suddenly did not want to deal with the harsh light of reality when the biggest question he might be asked would be “Why did your team lose?”

Spare me the he is young excuse. Lebron is 24 and has been in the league for 6 years, he is so mature that most people in their 40s could look to him for guidance. Yes he had to grow up fast but when you have the publicity/support/monetary machine that surrounds
Lebron, you grow up fast.

The fact that the league has not (yet) fined him for skipping out on the post game press conference is farcical and proves the conspiracy wonks right…the league favors its stars.

Many Lebron backers are saying he left without doing the obligatory post game press conference because he did not want to bash his team mates – and that is a defense? I am supposed to believe that Lebron was merely following the principle of “if you cannot say something nice don’t say anything at all”. Well that is (in old sportswriter terminology) HOGWASH. There were plenty of nice things he could have said: “We lost to a better team”, “We got our butts Kicked”, “We were out hustled, out-maneuvered”, “The Magic are a great team”, “Dwight Howard is superman and he owns my team” ok he would probably never say the last one, but it is true.

But if he really wanted to be the ‘King James’ that many expect him to be, he could have come out and said something that I would have really admired, allow me for a moment to be Lebron answering an imaginary question:

Reporter from Cleveland: “Lebron what are your thoughts on this your second straight exit just before the NBA finals”
Lebron: “What can I say? We were out coached so badly that it makes it even funnier that Mike Brown won coach of the year when anyone who follows basketball knows that we won 60 plus games because I play on this team, we caught fire at home, we have great fans, caught many a team flat, played with intensity because for most of our players the greatest thing we can aspire to is a great record not a title. Our coach won coach of the year because writers are often too lazy to look at actual circumstances and would rather just look at plain numbers; “Team X has more wins so they must have the best”. Because it would be too hard to swallow that the coach of Oklahoma has less talent and tougher circumstances and did a much better job even if his team had less wins, or that Greg Popovich had to deal with injuries all year but still got his team a great record. Or how about George Karl and his bunch of knuckleheads, his team was practically transformed in the middle of the season and still he was a force in the West, and this is before we get to the coach of the team that beat us!

“But what are my thoughts? Did you see my team out there? I have a guy making predictions that we are the better team, the best team in the NBA and then he cannot hit a jump shot if you widened the rim to 5 feet and lowered it 3 feet. I have power forwards who could not make my high school team. We could not stop anyone and this team won 2 games ONLY because of me, not partly because of me…ONLY. That 3 pointer I hit in game 3 was ridiculous; did you see how I celebrated after that? And of course no ref dared T me up like they did D ho ’cause I am LBJ, I am that good.

MY TEAM SUCKS, no really put that in the paper, WE SUCK, everyone automatically assumed I would make the finals, and I stared to believe it. I have more commercials out right now than games played in the Conference finals. I might as well go help Kobe look for his “3 championship rings” because that is the closest I am getting to a ring this year. I put up 38/8/8 and still could not even make a game 7 much less the finals. If you think I am going to sign that extension you are crazy or you have some last second ransom you are going to spring on me to force me to stay, because as soon as I can get out of here I am going.”

Cavaliers’ management scrambling to podium: “PRESS CONFERENCE OVER!”

Or of course he could have just said “Both teams played hard” (Shout out to Rasheed Wallace)

But to just put your headphones on and walk out to the bus, that was bush league. To not even shake the hand of your Olympic team-mate, that was tasteless. But, wait, you have been given a chance to redeem yourself, you can hold a press conference after you have had a chance to cool off, surely now you will say something contrite and explain away the childish behavior.

WRONG!

In his press conference a day after the game, LBJ did not apologize for his actions instead he offered up excuses: He told us that he emailed Dwight Howard…look I have enemies I respect enough to actually call if I have to congratulate them, much less a team-mate that I won a gold medal with. He then told the world that he walked off because he is a winner and that winners do not like to lose (ignore the oxymoron for a second) and that no one congratulates the person that kicks their ass.

So what I take from this is that Lebron has never watched a single Boxing match, MMA fight, Karate Tournament, any version of Rocky, a hockey game, a little league match, Tennis (especially Serena vs. anyone from France), old highlights of Jordan (he wears 23 too) vs. the Lakers/Pistons/Celtics. Hell apparently he never played a friendly pickup game, or flag football or just a game of cards apparently Lebron has only ever watched Lebron. It is a time honored part of sports to congratulate your opponent win or lose. It is not humiliating it is respect. It is not humbling yourself; it is acknowledgment of the nature of the shared activity.

Look even Mike Tyson at the end of a fight with Lennox Lewis where he previously threatened to eat Lennox’s children (HIS CHILDREN!) congratulated Lennox on beating him into submission. If Tyson, one of the craziest and most dangerous men ever to engage in an athletic endeavor can have the grace to shake his opponents hand, your not doing it, diminishes you.

But really Lebron – you are a winner so you did not shake your opponents hands? Uhmm, if you are such a winner why is your team now “Gone Fishing” while the Magic play this Thursday? Can you really call yourself a winner when your team just got soundly beaten and LOST? You lost the game and then you lost respect by your actions…man up!

There is currently a very popular phrase in the vernacular of the streets…Bitch Made; Lebron, I never thought I could apply that to you, but those actions this weekend were Bitch Made. This is the first time that I have seen that you lacked that positive male influence in shaping your youth that would have told you…“that is not cool you never walk off like that.”

Some are now saying this has done irreparable harm to your image, I even heard a sports talk host here in LA claim that you would lose endorsements because of it. That is just reactionary talk, you will overcome this, mainly because your marketing machine is so good that they will immediately impress upon you that this can never happen again. But, I hope you will overcome this because of the strength of character that I think I see in you.

You came into the league with incredible pressure on you, and for the most part have handled it better than anyone could have expected, learn from this and come out better than ever.

p.s. I really wish someone when you were 13 had told you, do NOT wear number 23!

Why Orlando could win but the Lakers should…

Ok the title is not the greatest, I really hate when sports writers waffle and refuse to pick a side, yet at the same time I understand it.

Well if I am going to just wantonly give a prediction, I will say Orlando in 6 with the Lakers having the choking label attached to them!

See looking at that sentence you would say, come on he is crazy, if you are going to pick Orlando it has to be a hard fought series going all the way. BUT, history favors the home team winning game 7s so if I predict a 7 game series and I trust history I would have to give the win to LA, right? And history says the Lakers struggle against speedy guards …Skip to my lou is so much better and faster than Derek Fisher at this point in their careers that the point guard advantage is strongly in favor of Orlando?

The Lakers were the most talented team in the playoffs by far. I know many predicted Denver over the Lakers, but I think most of those predictions were based on hope and fatigue at the Laker hype and Kobe and Lebron puppets. In a head to head matchup there are few players on the Denver starting 5 that could replace the Lakers starting 5. Yes they are flashier, much more likeable guys but when you really dig deep down to your core as a fan, do you prefer likeable to championships? Before you answer that think again about John Stockton…very likeable guy…zero wins. Now if you are a Utah fan would you have traded all those years of Stockton for 2 titles with Kobe?

Or Lakers fans who now claim that the best decision was cutting Shaq. Would you have been fine with having discontent in your team but 3 more titles? Or are you really happy with the last 5 years of your team? I know many now claim that it was a great decision to get rid of Shaq but really, how good a decision was it? The team went into a spiral, has the label of petulant and soft and is one of the most hated franchises in the league…with Shaq you would have been hated but champs. And please do not give me the garbage of Kobe threatening to leave if Shaq stayed. Kobe was a petulant child (maybe still is) who pouts when he does not have his way, he has held your franchise ransom time and time again (hell there was even a rumored threat that he would play for the Clippers) bashed team mates and always came back. He was never leaving as long as he thought he could keep winning with Shaq.

But sorry, I have floated so far away from the topic that I could be a plot line on Family Guy (insert random fight with a chicken here). Orlando presents matchup problems for the ‘Talented Lakers’, who on the Lakers is going to guard Dwight Howard? Other than the refs I mean. I am constantly amused by the new ways in which a ‘superstar’ like Dwight does not get ‘superstar’ calls? Does David Stern have a daughter? Did he catch her in bed with D Ho? Did he defile Stern’s wife? What is it? Lebron gets free throws if a fan from the other team stares at him. Dwight has a foul called on him for a clean block on a 3 point attempt that did not even need replay for the world to see how bogus it was.

Is it because he is signed to Adidas? Is the league owned by Nike? The ads would seem to suggest that.

A colleague of mine has for ages drank the kool aid (probably lemon lime or some other weak flavor like that) that D Ho is soft. I have argued that he is not soft, people just do not give him enough credit and are not exposed enough to his games. I now add to that analysis, I think part of the problem is that when he plays ‘hard’ he picks up ridiculous fouls and technicals and thus has to spend so much time on the bench that his ‘soft’ play is necessary for continued minutes.

To buttress this argument I point to the technical that was rescinded by the league. D ho was being mauled under the hoop by Anderson V (one of the sneaky dirty players in the league) catching the ball he goes up strong and gets a basket and an ‘and one’ he flexes like ‘players with passion’ are supposed to react and he gets T-d up for taunting…hmm. I think because he has the body and strength of Shaq but did not build up the cache of good will and publicity that Shaq had received from his brief time at LSU, D Ho is yet to get the respects of the refs. I suspect that by next year some of the ticky tack fouls that he has to deal with now will no longer be a problem and he will be allowed to be more ‘aggressive’.

The 5 best players in the NBA in no particular order are Kobe, Lebron, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, Tim Duncan (when healthy – increasingly rare), my Spurs bias says that Tony Parker is knocking on that door, before you laugh completely at that, look at his stats in the last finals, and look at his playoffs stats every year, then get back to me with your laugh. I am not sure where to put Carmelo, I think he could replace Paul…but not sure.

Now the problem for the rest of the league is that on that list of 5, 2 have players on their team that can at any given month be in the top 25 players in the league. Kobe has Gasol and Odom. Duncan has Ginobli and Parker. Lebron has a bunch of scrubs (Boobie it pains me to say this, but you have to be more consistent to rise above the scrub label) and a maybe in Mo Williams. Chris Paul has a decent supporting staff, but it is becoming increasingly apparent that pieces are missing and that maybe he is not quite the leader he needs to be, yet. Dwight Howard has a bunch of adequate shooters surrounding him and a ton of players with that immeasurable statistic, Heart!

So in the finals if we looked solely at stars it would be Kobe – Gasol – Odom – D Fish’s knees - over-rated Bynum – Ariza and some mixture of Walton/Brown/and 24 more fouls to give vs. Dwight Howard – Hedo – Rafer Alston (Skip to my Lou) – possibly Jameer Nelson (I listed Rafer first because of health) and a bunch of players that at this stage are just interchangeable.

So on paper it really should be the Lakers, most of the players on Orlando would struggle to make the Lakers playoff roster yet, Orlando has looked like the more impressive team, how come? I say it must be D Ho!

Point to anyone in this league that can guard him; the only physical presence similar to his is Shaq and Shaq lacks his athleticism. If he is allowed to play free of the simplistic fouls that have plagued him, he could systematically destroy the Lakers front line. The greatest mystery to me of these playoffs is the fact that Anderson Varajo did not foul out every game in the first half.

D Ho has the power of Shaq, the athleticism of Lebron, the shooting touch of Vlade Divac and unfortunately the ball handling skills of a first day porn star. If he improves his handle and his shooting touch he will be unstoppable. Have I mentioned that his free throws have improved to the point that a team cannot risk adopting the hack-a-Dwight strategy?

Kobe will get his points, no one in the league is truly a Kobe Stopper, I am looking at you Ruben Patterson, if you are even still in the league. But I suspect the strategy will have to be to try to contain Kobe while shutting down the rest of the Lakers. Lakers fans will hate hearing this but I love seeing D Fish shoot, if he is out there jacking up shots it means that one less reliable Laker has a chance to touch the ball, “shoot Fish shoot”. The wild card as it almost always is; is Odom. Gasol is guaranteed to be consistent, he will get his points, he will get his rebounds, we will all call him soft but he will do the job he is supposed to do. But, Odom, Odom might average 24/11 or he might disappear and turn in 12/6 performances all series.

Odom is basically part of the beauty of sports and why predictions are so difficult…until the game is actually played you cannot really know what is going to happen. Detroit can beat LA when Shaq and Kobe were already being fitted for their rings. Mine that Bird can win the Derby as a 50-1 underdog; while a filly that was not even in the race goes on to win the next leg of the Triple Crown. A tiny island known more for reggae music than sports can sweep the sprints at the Olympics and take the spotlight from a pot-smoker that floats in a pool. And Superman might decide to put on his cape and deliver some Magic in the NBA finals.

Funny Video of extreme coaching

Sometimes a coach has to do whatever he can to get through to his players. The coach of the Bahrain football team thinking that his goalie was not focused enough, replaced the goal with the player's brand new SUV and made him have to try and stop balls from hitting it.
Enjoy

"Oh...Gay-rod! "

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It is well known that A-rod is constantly nervous about his perception in public...and then he allows this picture to be used in Details magazine!!!

Lil Wayne on ESPN's Around the Horn, and check out the smack he delivers at the end

Hottest rapper alive right now, the kid is even coming out with a rock album and he blogs for ESPN...when does this star burn out?

Report: Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 while with Texas Rangers - ESPN --big shock

Report: Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003 while with Texas Rangers - ESPN

The only things shocking about this are that MLB still calls their testing methods in 2003 anonymous and that peeps are shocked that A-Rod/A-Fraud aka Alexis might have been doping.

The Bonds case is a clear example that there was very little accountability when it came to protecting information and samples. But on to the main part of this blog.

For years when others were being accused of 'cheating' and roiding, A-rod was often given a free pass. In fact I kept hearing people rejoice in the fact that a 'clean player' like A-Rod would break Bonds' home run record. I also heard many a person say, just look at A-rod and you will know he is not juicing...o.k. WHY?

A-rod is incredibly fit, incredibly competitive and appears to be incredibly insecure, hmm to me that sounds like the same recipe that we were told drove Bonds to juice, so why would A-rod be any different? Everything we hear about A-rod says his desire is to be better than Jeter, well currently Jeter has multiple rings, multiple endorsements and has gone through so much of the FHM top 100 most beautiful list that he could probably make the hall of fame just on that. A-rods biggest claims to fame? He may be dating Madonna and he had the richest contract EVER in MLB (an almost impossible contract to live up to...wonder if that would have caused pressure to roid...I'm not saying, I'm just saying!).

A-rod has no rings, but a nation's spotlight on him, he is expected to lead Baseball in major categories but yet played for the Rangers for years and could not even get them into the Playoffs with the Yanks he can not get them World Series wins...and no one thinks he might take a cheat route?

A-rod started as a SHORTSTOP! No one expects shortstops to hit for power yet A-rod is able to lead or be near the top of the league in home runs? Yes I know he was shifted to 3rd base when he joined the Yankees but that was because they had JETER! If anyone but Jeter had been there A-rod would still be a shortstop on pace to break MLB's all time HOMERUN RECORD!!

Spare me the "this is shocking" attitude, pitchers were roiding up, so I think peeps need to get off their high horses about the stats that batters posted,for all we know many of the dings that Bonds got came off pitchers that were only able to stay in the majors because they were on the Juice.


p.s. GREG MADDUX better be a unanimous hall of fame vote (stop this asinine no one gets in with a 100% ballot) no hint of roids, the most consistent pitcher for 20 years (in a roids period) best gold glove pitcher EVER, and he got my Braves a World Series ring. All hail the Mad Dog!

Punch a CEO in the face and some other fun links like Jamie Lynn Spears preggers again?

Jay Leno schooled me to this. Apparently the CEO of Lehman Brothers took a huge hit to the face and got KTFO!

For many of my friends, SA I am thinking of you, this comes too late. But it is definitely needed. I do not get drunk but I certainly do become melancholic while suffering from insomnia and sometimes send the 'wrong' email. So I actually think this would be amusing to use: Google now has an email program that is supposed to help you avoid shooting off drunk emails. To prevent you from making the drunk email mistake, the program requires that you do some math problems in a specific amount of time before you are allowed to shoot of an email. If you fail at the problems the program suggests that you go to bed instead. The link tells you how to set it up..

Ford has set up a car system where you can set how fast anyone can ever drive your car. The idea is that it is designed to slow down teenagers on the road. It also regulates the volume of the radio (which really is JUST CRUEL, what is the point of being a teen if you cannot risk you ear drums?) I would love to get it, lend my car out to someone and then restrict the speed to 50...then again, I am cruel like that.

I love that peeps are questioning if Kendra (the chick from Hef's Girl Next door aka Playboy aka I date an old man along with 3 other chicks and a hundred other random 'garden tools') upgraded now that she is leaving Hef for Hank Baskett (Eagles widereceiver). To me the bigger question is Did Baskett downgrade? I know he is not even in the top 2 receivers on his team, but come on man, you are a decent looking dude, you play in the NFL and girls will LOVE you, why on earth would you want to take Hef's table scraps? And when those scraps were the 3rd girl in a 3 girl rotation, come on man. Read up on the Hef dating structure (the lack of condoms, the girl on girl, the {ugh sorry I just puked at the he is an ancient old man stage}) you should never touch any girl that he has 'shuffled' through. Rumor here

Ok, I know major newspapers are reporting this, but really can it be true? Could Jamie Lynn Spears (for some reason it seems hard to not call her all 3 names) really be pregnant again? I mean come on, you just popped out a kid FOUR months ago!!! A rumor has it that she thought she could not get pregnant while she was breast-feeding. So for all you other peeps out there who secretly think the same....WRONG, WRONG, WRONG

Instant blog update, E online says there is no bun in the oven, man I hope they are right

And remember, you cannot get pregnant if you shower immediately afterwards or if you really really hope you are not!

Usain Bolt vs Asafa Powell in Brussels

Watch Usain's start, he is amazing. Powell had a clean start and the race was competitive throughout. I will not spoil the finish. Enjoy the vid.

Bolt Brussels (02)
Uploaded by bsap11

"If you want to be the best, you have to train like LT" Ha, the Chargers wish...

In honor of opening day I am posting some clips I heard the guys on AM 1360 raving about, they are fairly funny and incorporate 2 of my favorite athletes (Kimbo not because of greatness but rather showmanship)


"This is my little sister's car, only 2000lbs": I love the training drill at the end:


This might be why I am not bulking up, I am clearly drinking the wrong sports drink:



I love when LT tries to mean Mug, and the meat on the grill.

Kimbo is clearly the greatest actor of our time:


There are a tonne more clips but I am a lazy blogger

Usain Bolt parody

See how much he can do in just 9.69 seconds...never doubt the sheer greatness of the Island Man!