Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

If Nancy Grace annoys you as much as she does me

Then you will love this clip.



The last part is fake but it is so well done that had to post it.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

No way...

That I could have broken a bed that is not even 2 weeks old

I am getting more and more excited for this movie.

New Transformers trailer is out and it contains, the upgrade to Bumble Bee, Optimus Prime, Megatron, and Starscream - it looks PHAT!

Rihanna's 'Umbrella' and 'homoagitation'

Rihanna currently has the world's greatest song:"Umbrella" I will blog more about this later because I am really passionate in my belief that this song is the current "BEST SONG" out. After seeing the video I am even more set in my belief.

Axa; after viewing the video for 'Umbrella' I take back my agreement re her lack of a certain 'ASSet'

Hahahah Poland: "Homoagitaton" indeed. Just about a week or so ago my friends and I were discussing when Falwell went after the Teletubbies...seems like they are always getting into trouble.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Just another good reason to have a neighborhood bar

Being able to roll in and not worry about your friend being checked for ID when his driver's license is missing. Friendly bartenders also make for good moments. Nothing like getting free drinks and great conversation.

Saw a great Padres' game Hoffman came in for the save "Hells bells" rang out and the Cubs were shut out in the 9th.

Honestly, chills ran up my spine when that first bell toll rang through the stadium to announce Trevor's appearance. I turned the Persian Mafia Assassin aka Armani and told him "Dude (sadly the longer I stay in Cali the more I use that word) the lead is safe we got this"

If you have ever seen the Kip and Kim segment on Jay Leno I really wish he would say that the kid Kip is from Texas TECH when he says that the kid just graduated from Texas, for a second I panicked that he might have graduated from THE GREAT UT. These 2 peeps are slowly setting America's youth back. Check them out on youtube.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

You bloody selfish bastard...

Seriously afterall that I have done for you in the past few months I do not get the courtesy of a phone call explaining Why? Or the decency of someone doing what they say they will do.

Sometimes people need to just step up and do things because friends need them to, we cannot always just think of ourselves. One hour less of your usual 10 bloody hours of sleep will not kill you when helping out a friend.

Karma is a bitch, remember that!

Selah.

Coming out insurance

Why do I feel that this might become a reality soon?

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Chasing after tow trucks and leaving houseguests

So tonight I had to dash across the street and across the Trader Joe's parking lot in PB to go 'rescue' the car. The car was being raised unto the tow truck and lucky for me I was able to catch the tow guys before they decided to tow us. I truly got lucky, my car was the last car set to be towed. The only thing that saved me from getting towed according to the tow truck guys was where I had it parked, they had already towed other cars and were 'getting' to mine.

Line of the night (when all of us are back in the car and heading 'home' [more on that in a sec]) my houseguest turns to me at 2am and says "I guess that sign that says cars cannot be parked here after 1am was true" Me: "what, there was a sign? why didn't you warn me?" Guest: "Oh I figured you just knew" Me: "Do you think if I had seen that sign I would still be in the bar at 2am?" Guest: "Oh!" I think that is what saved the car; Karma knew that if I had come back to find the car towed and had the above exchange I might have had an aneurysm. I also blame the soon-to-be-ex-wife for my not seeing the sign since I was on the phone with her when parking and clearly my house guest who was co-pilot cannot be trusted to warn the driver.

Bonus is that for tonight I am home alone since my houseguest is currently enjoying one of the perks of the San Diego lifestyle (and maybe using Lifestyles) the ability to always find a person to go home with. Ok so before my boy calls me out in this space - it still counts as going home with someone even if your host is kind enough to drive you to the other house, watches a football game there and then blatantly hints that he is willing to leave you there.

That was awesome...so 2xs in less than 3 days I have gotten an opportunity to openly mock my colleague and make him submit against his will. Savor the rare moments.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

You know you did the right thing...

When the friend you forced to crash at your appt and not drive, immediately passes out before you could turn off the light and you know that you prevented them from driving. Remember my friends "buzzed driving is drunk driving". I am so sick re the fact that $500 plus dollars is on my credit card thanks to drinking and rolling VIP in the club.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Just another crazy night...

And I have work in the morning. On the plus side my house guest is actually at somebody else's house tonight.

Must be good to be tall you bastard hahaha. The look on your face when I said she is staying with you tonight was priceless.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Completely trashed my apartment looking for stuff

As always I realize that I have more stuff in boxes than I thought I owned. After putting the broken bed (which has caused too many of my friends to make the 'stop playing so aggressively with yourself' joke) into the living room I spotted some stuff under the bed (none of your business what) which prompted me to tear the house apart looking for other things. So now I have another ATX princess coming in to spend a week and my place looks like a tornado hit it...not a good look.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

C'mon Griffey!

I have tickets to the Padres v Reds game tomorrow. I ordered this game ages ago because Vx is coming in and I really, really want to see Griffey play! He has been one of my favorite major league baseball players for years. The problem is, HE IS ALWAYS injured. For some people you say that and you basically just mean they occassionally get hurt but trust me with Griffey he is ALWAYS hurt. Even though the game is only 36 hours away I am still nervous that somehow he is going to get hurt before then and I will not be able to see him.

The other bonus is that I get to see Jake Peavy pitch: I firmly believe he is going to be a hall of famer and we are witnessing some of the best pitching of his career currently.

Here is hoping Griffey does not slip on a plastic bag and somehow puncture his hamstring with a broken plastic knife...trust me he has had injuries freaky enough to make this a possibility.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

So the new tally for Aaron is: 4 BROKEN BEDS!

I have owned 3 beds since I have lived in America. I have been in America for exactly 8 years and a few months. Since I have been in America I have bought all my beds brand new! The three beds are in addition to the bed I first had when I got to America and stayed with my bro and was put up in his guest room for a bit, that bed was also new. Since I have been in America I have some how managed to BREAK ALL FOUR BEDS that I have slept in on a somewhat constant basis.

The latest is the brand new Queen size bed that I was raving about in February and that everyone who has ever entered it (wow that sounds horrible - I meant my friends who have tested it out) has raved about. The box springs have completely failed down the center of the bed so now I basically sleep in a crevace down the center of my bed.

Thankfully I kept my receipt (always keep receipts for big money purchases) and the company is replacing it for me free of cost. Initially they claimed I would have to pay for delivery and pick up but I was in no mood to hear such crap and so now they are going to do the swop out for free.

This is crazy to me though, yeah I weigh 213 now (down from 219) but even that is not heavy enough to be damaging beds like this. Afterall the first bed I broke in the ATX was while I weighed 160lbs, just a weird set of circumstances.

I do have a few people I could blame for bed #s 2 and 3 breaking but decency and false modesty demand that I not name them...but they know who they are!

Whew another weird night

With another person added to the weirdness mix.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Straight up now tell me...Paula Abdul

So initially I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when I found out that Paula Abdul had released ANOTHER greatest hits album, I should state now, that I used to LOVE Paula when I was a kid, that Straight up track was a bloody favourite of mine. Thing is in recent years she has become so kooky that I find it hard to remember that she actually was 'talented' and was a hit maker for awhile. I know I know it is hard to believe but check her wiki her second album sold over 8.5 million units and her first was #1 for 10 weeks. Crazy she even had Prince writing tracks for her. Now that I remember how much I used to love her, and let it be known I was infatuated with her, I would have married her if she would have taken my 8-year old ass, (nowadays that is not so strange if you go to school in America) if she goes on tour and the tickets are under $30 (I am sentimental not a fool with my money) I am definitely going, and I will probably take my 'fake we talk on the phone like a couple most nights' girlfriend with me.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I hope she serves time

So if anyone has even read my blog for a decent amount of time or my newspaper articles you would know that I do not have the greatest opinion of Paris Hilton. So I must admit I was a bit giddy when I found out that she had been sentenced to 45 days in jail...feels like it was about time.

I love that people are trying to get the governor to grant her a pardon from a FORTY-FIVE day sentence? Really? She is going to separated from the general population of prisoners and she blatantly violated the terms of her probation...she is lucky. She got a DUI, then violates the probation by going 45 over the speed limit with headlights OFF?

You can take a guess as to which of the rival petitions I will support.


By the way anyone who seriously signs a free Paris petition should have their internet privileges revoked for at least 45 days!

R.I.P. Chico

Diego 'Chico' Corrales died last night in a motorcycle accident. 1977-2007

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Not as young as I used to be

My whole body aches from playing football tonight. Ok really it is just my knees, but damn they hurt so much it feels like the whole body.

In 60 days I have a race against AXA for a 100 meters to prove who is fastest...no way he beats me! NO WAY!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

If you have HBO and you are not watching...

De La Hoya/Mayweather 24/7 you should cancel your cable subscription. This show is amazing. 'Pretty Boy' Floyd has an ego like no other. And the insane requirement that he walk around with a minimum of $30k in cash is just amazing to watch.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.