Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Monday, April 27, 2009

MLK on auto tune, better than Kanye

So I found this today on the 2dopeboyz site. Someone was very creative. I see some on the net find it offensive, I however just view it as another way to get Dr. King's message out there. And took some skill sinking this sucker up, pay attention when the backup singers kick in

Quadruple Amputee competes in MMA...spoiler, he LOSES!

Look I am all for equal opportunity, and I am pretty sure that limbless this guy would still beat me to a pulp BUT there is one major problem, I am not MMA trained talent. This guy is going in with a severe handicap (not the pun, nor the physical condition, just the fact) that is impossible to overcome.

Often you will see boxers try to compete fights after breaking a hand throwing a punch and you often see it costing them the fight, but there they still had the use of a hand and the ability to dance from punches. This guy has NO arms and NO legs.

Read the link and you will find that he was not even allowed to throw punches because the gloves could not stay on his appendage (is it still a punch if you do not have arms?).

Much love and credit to this guy for overcoming his disability, but this is just not safe and to me too much of a spectacle to be enjoyable...oh and it definitely hurts MMA's credibility.

And in case you cared I am picking Manny over Ricky Hatton this saturday, but I will definitely be singing "There's only one, Ricky Hatton" while watching the fight cause I LOVE that song.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Thank you for Being a Friend, R.I.P. Bea

Bea Arthur died today.

I love Bea Arthur, in fact I loved the Golden Girls. Many guys act like they cannot say something like that, but sensible people know that, that show was a great slice of Americana. The ensemble cast was brilliant and Bea was a shining star in the midst of all that talent.

She along with the others brought an empowered female cast to television and showed that women could be 'sexy' without having to flaunt their sexuality.

I will miss you Bea

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hillary Clinton: Welcome To The Chocolate City - Hillary Clinton

Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi IS A PIMP, Don't believe me? Check the link...I want that suit!

Jezebel - Hillary Clinton: Welcome To The Chocolate City - Hillary Clinton: "Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi"

Monday, April 20, 2009

For the Love of Ray J season blog, I cannot help it

So this is one of those nights, when the crucial question: Should I go work out or watch reality programming? Guess which one I picked!

For the Love of Ray J starts out with him telling the 3 left that he is going to go meet their families, this causes one of the girls to have a panic attack. I do not have to even tell you which one it is, let me just say this, there are 3 girls and one of them has a tattoo of a panther on her face!!! Hmm wonder who panicked when her hometown peeps are going to be met.

Seriously, you have a BIG CAT tattoo on your face (should I also tell you that as soon as this show wrapped she became pregnant for another dude...yes I should). She also confessed during the show to having sex with one maybe 2 of Ray J's homies..."Danger she smashed a homie" should be a hit song.

Hmm bit of a curve ball here, Ray J is sending Danger home (tattoo face chick) I wonder if VH1 just did not want to spend money on 3 trips home. I do love that even though he is sending her home she says "I do know that Ray loves me" then intimates something to the fact that even though I am sent home and if he picks someone else..."he is still coming back to me". Uh, ok!

Cut to a KFC add with CHEFS talking about how good KFC chicken first that seems ridiculous then I think about the fact that I am a bloody good cook and I LOVE KFC...but I am wary of this grilled KFC, I once had their grilled chicken and I think my old roomie probably still remembers my complaints about the horribleness of that chicken.

"This Fool is wearing a white Fur Coat" those were my first words coming out of commercial...nuff said. Isn't this show filmed in LA? I know he might be heading to somewhere cold but while in LA..."I think I love you" Ooooooh Unique dropped the L word, and then trips exiting the stairs of the Jet, I somehow feel like they are both related.

I really like that he nicknames the girls then gives the nicknames, nicknames!

Ray looks a little intimidated by Unique's mom...punk! OH DAMN, Unique's mom just asked if her daughter was a "hit it and quit it" then when Ray says he has not hit it, the mom asks "What's wrong with her, why you aint go after it?" I think I like this woman. Plus the fact that it is a mixed marriage is already cool with me.

So he meets Cocktail's family and the first thing they do as a family is TAKE shock this Chick's name is Cocktail...but damn the girl is fine, I will be fine with the alcoholism. Not gonna lie, that dinner looks damn fine, they even have goat. This uncultured fool lives in LA and does not know how to pronounce Mole????? I like Cocktail's brother dude knows what's up, he immediately asks Ray J, how the girls are, that is right...keep it real homie!

Off to Vegas...because you know everytime I want to see if something is 'true love' I take it to 'Sin City'. So Cocktail (note I nearly shortened her name then realized...not a good idea) calls Unique ugly but funnily enough this is actually the hottest she has looked in awhile, I am actually feeling her right now.

I think Unique is suffering from diarrhea of the mouth, she is confessing to things that you should never confess on your 'final date' things like I did not like you until last night...just a thought

And yup here it comes the invitation to the room, and shockingly...she accepts. If you thought she was going to say no to the 'alone time' I have only one thing to say to you, wear a helmet when walking around. Yup it is the straddle lap and kiss move, always a classic...Didn't this happen with Kim Kardashian? I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

A random aside, it is 88 bloody degrees and I LIVE BY THE BEACH, damn you global warming!

Hmm an Ad for the new New York show, looks like crap, I will watch it, I will not pretend.

Time for Unique to take the walk of shame, hehe, who does not love that moment? Thank goodness I did not live on dorm ;) Looks like unique has lost weight during the show, not a bad thing.

Damn Cocktails dress is amazing and by amazing I mean short and skin tight. Damn my knee is killing me, not exactly related to the show, but I feel like you should know this. Haha she called him a rapper and he became offended...dude, chill, just be happy you make rapper money.

Oh crap we have hit the one hour mark and this show is still on, I wish I had this on DVR, thank goodness I have scrabble games, and Deadspin going on at the same time, I cannot justify just sitting here blogging this show without other activities at the same time. Though today's DUAN article is not that hot.

So in Ray's room there are a bunch of Lingerie outfits for Cocktail to try on, strange I did not see this when Unique was up there...methinks something is up! There is a stripper pole in the shower, need I say more? I think so, she seems quite what is the word...'professional' on that pole. Hmm did Kim Kardashian do this...I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Hahah the room service guy calls Ray J, Mr. J., I love it after all what do you call someone that just uses J at the end of their name, no seriously Aaron D. wants to know.

The girls get to try on outfits for the elimination, I always like the anxiety that this part brings because I always wonder, does the Dress at this last moment sway the choice? Like he goes in there thinking, "This is the girl I want to marry...What the Hell is she wearing? Ok I change my mind"

We now get the necessary clips of Ray staring out into space as he considers who to choose.

Another quick Aside, Deadspin is reporting that Condoleezza Rice inquired into joining the HBO Real Sports' team, man I like Condy!

So he picks Cocktail, I could have predicted this at the start of the epi, but oh well. I really do love that at the end of the show when a girl is eliminated they then reveal her real we care. Am I ever going to remember that Unique's real name is Danielle or will I always just think of her as Unique? Well I guess if I remember her at all it will be as Unique of course.

Looks like Ray will be eating more goat.

"...that's love and I think I found it" wow strong words of assurance there Ray!

--I hate myself

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Hostage at Sangster Airport in JAMAICA!!!!

Go Jamaica :: Hostage at Sangster Airport :: News

Yes I put Jamaica in Caps because I would never have believed this could happen. Bit ironic that this has happened just a few weeks after this video was all the rage on the net...

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia

Baby pythons escape during flight in Australia

You know everyone mocked Samuel L. when he did 'Snakes on a Plane' but see, he was a visionary, or as he would yell it: "I'M A MUTHAF@#%ING VISIONARY".

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A recap of Idol recap night...just for Erin since she is stuck at work!

Idol starts like it is a promo for a movie, complete with flashy fire graphics and sped up movements. They even did background interviews with the singers. Then cut to Seacrest with his back to the audience a sudden turn around and..."THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL" One has to wonder how dorky he feels doing that, or does he take himself too seriously to realize that he looks like a goof?

We are told that Miley Cyrus will perform and the crowd goes nuts, then we are told that Jennifer Hudson will also be there and they cut to shots of members of the audience who are clearly too old to be there.

Paula is sitting up ram-rod straight...the meds are awesome tonight and so is the bustier that she is wearing...the ladies are out to party tonight and by ladies I mean her golden globes, her emmys, her cleos (yup I just named 3 awards that she will never win).

An idol music video for Ford, which has the Idols murdering Freeze Frame while appearing on the covers of various made up magazines...oh and at the very end showing the car, there might want to be some revision done here. I had no idea it was a car ad until the last minute.

Time for group sing...Kris, flirts with Kara, she flirts back, she clearly did not hear about Paula and Cory and the scandal of a few years ago. I continue to believe that the Idol Stylists hate Allison. Is it any coincidence that now that Scott (the visually impaired guy) is gone the idollettes are allowed to raom all around the stage, the balcony, and the judges platform. Oh lil Rounds, so much promise in that voice, so little delivery. Watching the Idols try to dance and sing at the same time is almost painful, I keep expecting someone to trip and swallow a mic.

I am supposed to go see a reggae band later tonight, not sure I can do that anymore, my music appreciation has been shot to pieces.

There is now a clip of the Idols going to watch the new Zac Effron movie, sadly thanks to peeps like Matt, Danny and Adam, Zac Effron might be the manliest person there! How bad a movie is something going to be if the ads make you want to scratch your eyeballs out? Bit weird to hear Adam talk about liking the Cheerleaders, then they cut to a clip of the Cheerleaders in the movie being snarky...whew for a second I thought I was going to have to review my guesses about him.

Time to build the bottom 3...Allison is first up to have Ryan play the safe or not game: this poor girl at 16 sounds like a 70 year old 2 pack a day smoker...and she is safe (I know I have been advocating purple for a year...but those purple pants she has on are hideous)
Adam...thinks Rocky Horror Picture show is a great movie, yup yup, guesses still safe...SAFE, but you already knew that

Anoop...this kid is yet to wear a jacket I like, am I old or is he a bad dresser? I vote for him being a bad dresser...Ryan lingers, draws out the moment and places Anoop in the bottom 3 for the 3rd straight week! Cut to commercials, have to get that Ford money.

They make mention that Jennifer Hudson is the only idol FINALIST to win an Academy Award, note they stress finalist because they cannot say Idol winner, they also are quick to hide the fact that she was NOT voted into the top 12 but had to be brought back as a wild card...oh Idol you tricksters. She placed 7th in her season, comes on to sing tonight and shows that none of the current contestants would be worthy enough to run her bath water! Her performance ends and she and Ryan engage in some light banter that is just well frankly it is annoying, no wonder this show runs over every time.

Anoop pulls the I don't vote the judges don't vote card, they cut to Paula and she of course is doing something silly with Simon...If she becomes pregnant by Simon I would not be shocked. Wait a minute, Anoop does not vote? If I were a contestant on the show, my fingers would be raw from voting for myself all night (or for the 2 hour window).

Both Kris and Lil are made to stand up Lil is wearing a green dress and green eye shadow, St paddys day is here again! Ryan toys with Kris, but he is of these days someone will punch him out...I hope I get to see it on the west coast feed.

Matt and Danny are standing up together, Danny looks like he is trying to puff his chest out. Do we need to wait for Ryan on this one or should Matt just walk straight to the stools? No way does the 'Dead wife card' fail this early in the season! The judges that did not get to talk last night keep commenting about the people they did not get to talk about last night (what was the point of not letting them just waste our time and talk last night?).

Kara is this the bottom 3? "I love them but yes"
Paula? She starts to ramble my brother talks over her, I miss all of Paula, I suspect I missed nothing.

Anoop gets saved and sent back down to Rounds and Matt. Oh and Miley Cyrus, she cannot get voted off, but oh how I wish she could be. If I sit through her upcoming performance it will be the first time I have heard her sing past 20seconds. Sorry, I just cannot stand her speaking voice and it leaks into her singing.

Cyrus has an elaborate set, and she is wearing an evening gown, I do not like this, she is dressed like a much older girl, the whole thing just feels exploitative and yup her voice still gets to me. She stretches her arms up and out, it might be a Celine Dion tribute, but instead all I fear is a wardrobe malfunction. Were that to happen and leak online teenage fan boys would probably melt the internet. Where is Billy Ray? I did not know Miley could do something without him showing up, is that ok, did she break loose? This performance is so creepy. Simon does not look enthused at the performance, I suspect my face looks the same.

Simon is asked if he would consider using his save tonight..."there might be one we would consider saving and it might surprise them" Ryan then asks if that means it is Lil, Simon says you will have to wait and see...color me surprised or should I class it up and say Quelle Surprise?

I take the commercial break to watch Soul Plane 2 (relax it is just a Boondocks spoof and not a crime about to be perpetrated on the American public)

Ryan does his douche bag trick of calling the persons name saying he is "sorry you will have to endure the competition a little longer"...Lil you are safe!
An aside Dial Idol had such a wide range of possibilities that they had everyone BUT Gokey in danger of going home.

Kara is dancing enthusiastically as Matt sings for his life, she waves at him, and sings alongside him...there really might be a scandal to come of this somewhat bland season.

The Judges have a decision, Simon asks how many times Matt has been in the bottom 3 and tells him that he does not see him as having any chance of winning the competition, the judges argue with each other, and yell at Simon for saying that, but then Simon says... "Matt, it is good news". The other Idols hug him. I think they have forgotten that 2 people now have to go home next week AND he is part of their competition...idiots.

Next week is disco night...I kid you not, Idol has decided to play to its Audience, you know that Audience that was born FIFTEEN years after Disco was relevant!!!

The idolettes all form a circle and perform a celebratory jig because a competitor is back...I am off to eat cookies cause maybe I will die faster that way!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I tried to fight you VH1, I think you are winning

I went about 8 months without watching any reality programming on VH1. I gave up, Flavor of Love 3 and I love NY pretty much wrecked me, I was over-loaded, jaded and fatigued...and I am back. Damn you Vh-1 and your tricky moves. That show about Tools tricked me, I thought I would hate it I did at first, then I started laughing...

Rock of Love Bus? Are you kidding me a show based on a franchise that I thought was dead now goes on a bus...and I loved it.

Now tough love? You are stretching it, a match maker for a gaggle of hot chicks? Oh crap you got me again.

The worst part of your trick is that you just make it so damn convenient, I do not have to watch your shows on your schedule, each one is repeat about 20 times a week, it seems like anytime I turn on your channel one of these trashy shows is on. Heck I do not even have to watch them in order since all the episodes are basically the same mind-numbing drivel and yet I am hooked. I am afraid to do an IQ test, my IQ has probably fallen 30 points since I discovered your channel.

So what really spurred this post? Well I was watching Tough Love and could not stop laughing at how overly excited the girls were to meet some chicks boyfriend they acted as if they had all won the lottery, there were tears, hugs jumps of joy the whole 9 yards.

But maybe the best part is that they were told there would be a revelation about one of the girls and the first thing one of the girls thought was "I thought she was going to say that she has a penis"...I at first thought she was just talking for the sake of talking then I watched her reaction when the news came out and she was genuinely shocked that the girl did not reveal that she had a penis--yup these are the shows that I watch.

I hate myself for this, I also wonder, why am I not meeting these clearly damaged but hot women, I could nurture them...

They are really going to have to come up with a different word for 'Reality' programming or just always put it in quotes!

Hahah just saw the ad for the other thing that caused me to open up blogger...Vh1 has a promo for a show called Daisy of Love, it stars Daisy from Rock of Love and she is walking towards the camera in what I guess is her 'sexy walk'--or it could be her 'I am constipated but I still have to film this promo walk', I really cannot tell, all I know is, I thought it was HORRIBLE... and her delivery of the line "wanna pluck" is already annoying, I want to say I will NEVER watch that show...but!

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.