Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

“I’m the Juggernaut Bitch!”

I saw X 3 yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed it (despite the guilty feelings that I should be studying for Barbri instead). It is just another in the long line of comic book movies that critics have no idea how to properly critique: One critic said that X 3 was much better than the 2 preceding movies but then gave it a C-! Amazing since I thought the first 2 in the series were at worse B movies, so to give X3 a C- what did he give the first 2?

Anyway if you absolutely have no time to check out the movie or don’t want to swing the $10 to watch it (Hazard center does $5 Tuesdays) check out this short cartoon clip with dubbed in voices…thanks to Arman for the link.

Is Paula Abdul actually drunk while selling jury here?

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Perseverance is good

Weird to think that Gary Payton might win an NBA title just from the sheer fact that he has hung around for ever!

Tick tock: Mets the Braves are Coming!

Monday, May 29, 2006

I still feel like a student...

It’s weird I thought I had mentally moved on, but until you cross that stage and the announcement “I present the 2006 graduates…” is made you still somewhat cling to the last vestiges of the student life. Plus the fact that I have to sit in a room filled with another 500 persons desperate to pass the bar on the first time makes it such a surreal feeling to know that AARON D HAS A JD!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Royalty arrives today!

In just over 14 hours the family arrives. It will be my parents and sister’s first trip to California and thanks to Barbri I will have no time to show them around. But what I can do for them is give them a great home cooked meal when they get here. Today’s planned meal: A Caesar salad, Grilled jerk shrimp with a spicy and tangy honey glaze for appetizers and then pork chops in mushroom gravy with Baked Rigatoni for the main course. Probably the last time this summer that I can spend any major time in the kitchen…

Of course the arrival of parents also means the sanitization of the Apartment: everything even mildly eye brow raising has been taken down; thrown away or boxed up. The innocent young son is now on display. After all not many people my age have had their father expressly threaten to write them out of his will…from the pulpit!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Bloody Insomnia!

It is almost 4.30am and I cannot sleep at all...up doing work since I am tired of just lying in bed doing nothing. The sucky thing about insomnia when you have to wake up early in the morning is that u can’t always tell when you are going to have a bad night and plan accordingly. For instance tonight I fell asleep fairly easily at 12.30 or so but then I woke up at 1.15am at that point I figured I would fall back asleep that was 3 hours ago!!! Thing is that if at 12 I had realized that what seemed like approaching sleep would only be a nap I would have taken a sleeping pill, but by the time (say around 2.30am) I realized that my sleep would be affected it was too late to take a sleep aid since they all call for at least a chance of 7-8 hours sleep and I need to be up by the latest 7.30 am today. DAMN YOU BARBRI already ruining my summer :)

Monday, May 22, 2006

Barbri starts 2morrow

I guess this means that May 23rd is the official end of summer!

Saw Da Vinci Code 2nite, too ez to say it's not as good as the book: It will be a blockbuster but if your fifty/fifty on whether to see it I would suggest saving your money for X3!

It's raining again!!!!

I know I have become spoiled, anytime it rains I am shocked. But the last couple months have been rather unusual for San Diego. I still cannot decide if I would prefer the usual June gloom or a nice sunny June while I study for the bar: The bar is depressing enough do I want depressing weather or do I want clear skies that tend to cheer the heart but tempt the soul?

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Basketball and World Cup football

Tomorrow should be a huge night for Basketball. I expect the soon to be crowned NBA champs to come from one the 4 teams playing tomorrow. I know that by saying that I am completely discounting the east teams, but I do not think that either Detroit or Miami can take out the Spurs, Clips, Suns or Mavs. The beauty of the game though is that you have to play it all out.

In less than 2 weeks the world cup comes on and America has one of its best teams ever. I will be interested in seeing just how far they can go. My pick remains the same as it was 2 years ago…Brazil. It is just hard to pick against a team that looks like an all star line up. I am intrigued with some players though that I expect to see great things from. Portugal’s Ronaldo is just amazing with his control; Can Beckham over come all the hype and glamour around him and deliver a performance that England can rally around and will Wayne Rooney fully heal in time to play at all; is Spain’s revamped squad ready; will Ronaldinho and Ronaldo combine to set goal scoring records; Can Thierry Henry lift France on his shoulders?

Crazy to think that only 7 countries/teams have ever won a world cup

SOCA WARRIORS; since my native land did not make it I am rooting like crazy for the land that gave me half my blood: Can Latapy, Stern John (gotta love that name) and Yorke come through for Trinidad? Tough road to hoe especially for a first time team.

Even the happiest of us can have a sad moment!

So I am sitting home and I am pissed and sad, but it’s one of those moments when I am not sure all the reasons for being pissed and sad and the combination of emotions leaves me wrecked. It might be a combination of a number of factors.
  • I hate getting shouted at: I know I shout a lot; but that is because sadly I am bloody loud, and I get exuberant which is a bad combination…but I do not purposefully shout at people. In fact I have actually made a conscious effort this year that when mad I will not raise my voice while talking to the person I am mad at. To those who saw me attack the referee in the IM game take note of the portion that says “effort” it is not always successful

  • I am mad when I find out that something I do pisses someone off but they have just harbored the resentment until it bubbles over at inappropriate moments. As cocky as I am, as cold as I am, as emotionally unavailable (lies) as I have been accused of being, I still prefer discourse of emotions than blowing up.

  • To say that I do something to you, so to get back at me, you will do it back to me to hurt me then respond with the words “you do it all the time” does not take into account the fact that I probably do not know what the hell I am doing to you.

  • LEARN THIS NOW EVERYONE…as cold a person as I am, and as much as I like to kid and joke around, I never, ever intentionally try to hurt anyone with words. For me to attempt to embarrass someone, to cause them pain would mean that I am PISSED at you, that we actively have open animosity towards each other; that I have decided to make you feel as bad as I feel. If I have said something to embarrass ANY of you. Let me know, because there is a big difference between trying to playfully tease someone and actively hurting someone. The problem is that often the ones doing the teasing cross the line between fun and pain and do not realize it. I know I cross the line, in fact sometimes I am so far across the border that I cannot see the line, but know this and hear this all: If you are my friend or hell even a casual acquaintance I have not intentionally tried to hurt you.

  • Do not shout at me! Said above and repeated here: My parents do not shout at me, my professors do not shout at me and none of you rank as high as those persons so quit it.

  • Yes I love Texas, I love the state and I love my school: I wear my pride openly: Deal with it! I understand that I am from one of the top 3 most hated states; in fact I would not be shocked if Texas was the most hated state. I know I come from a state of big hair, big oil, big egos and big attitudes, but I now live in a state filled with big ego too! Acting superior to my state in front of me especially if you have never visited my state is plain stupid and begging for me to rep the horns! Never forget that I went to school in a state that still believes that America owes it! And stop the damn talk about CA being able to break away from America and survive on its own. NO state can thrive if it breaks from the union. As strong as the GDPs of TX, NY and CA are, much of that comes from their affiliations with the rest of America.

  • Much of the Texas pride is just that TEXAS PRIDE: there is no state in the union that I think is a horrible state (there are definitely a few that I would rather not live in though), I do love CA in fact that is the reason why I have chosen to take the bar here, I have decided to live here and make my career here…but Kiss My Ass if you think that I love Texas any less or if your hatred of Texas will sway me!

  • I do not lie, but I conceal a lot…deal with it!

  • Love it or hate it, I will make fun of your school, hell I even make fun of my own schools (UWI, UT and USD) it is what I do it’s what I will always do! I took a tonne of crap from everyone when UT was on its run to a title and I took even more crap when we had our losing streak to OU, it is something that any fan of Texas knows is going to happen hell one of my friends just admitted yesterday that he has watched 24 straight Texas games just hoping that at the end of one of them we would lose so he could call me to laugh (those are the friends I have). Well the bitch is still waiting, still watching and I am still laughing at him, at some point the streak like all streaks must die, and I will receive the call and then I will bring up the fact that he went to UNLV and we do not have enough fingers to count the last time they won a title that meant anything.

  • I am getting an award on Friday, and yet I felt for the longest time that I had to hide it from my friends because there seems to be so much resentment as to how the school awards prizes, I wanted my friends to come out and celebrate with me, but I understand that no one wants to hit up the Pre Graduation ceremony!

  • The anger has gone like I knew it would while I typed but the melancholy lingers, I think I will just take a drive up the coast to clear it all…blessings!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Enjoy a fun video...6.24am post

Clearly I cannot fall asleep w/o an early morn post nowadays. So one of my favorite SNL clips in the last few years is "Lazy Sunday" well check out this version of it done by members of our armed forces. It had me cracking up who knows it might be because I haven't slept so everything seems funnier at this time of the morn. I do like the idea of our soldiers at least having some moments of fun...enjoy

Oh and because I know my West Coast peeps hate when I mention Texas and I know y'all take yourselves way too seriously here is a video specially for y'all: "Tru dat tru dat...let's get back in the corolla"

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Just another reason why I LOVE TEXAS!

Texas is considering raising the speed limit in some areas to 80mph!!!!

No rest for the weary!

So tonight was the unofficial section B 2L party I guess. Fun time, great to kick it with the 2/3Ls. Sadly though it is now 6.20 am and I still have not fallen asleep. The family arrives in exactly one week and true to form I have not received an itinerary from them, gotta love ’em!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

After 6AM and I am just getting in...

This feels like undergrad! Guess this means use of pharmaceutical aids for sleep. To those who expected me to meet my obligations for today…uh forget it!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Today is my last ever law school Final - providing I do not fail!

I have created my first ever law school outline (albeit for my last ever law school exam) and I am so proud of it that I keep trying to give it away and no one wants it! Granted it’s for an obscure class that most peeps I know are not in. AND most importantly the final is in less than 9 hours but damn it – this is a good outline!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Who would have thought that the NCAA could be beaten!

Amazing that Texas is the only school with this exemption! Sad to see that kid go...

Study break smiles

I know I already posted it but I just love watching the guy in the front seat do the hand move to "Stack cheese"!

This one is still a classic: One of the first videos I ever posted. It starts slow but wait because I guarantee that BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE For the remix click here and scroll down to his picture!

I love the AVIS ad with the older folks jamming out to DMX couldn't find that vid so I dropped in the old school vid: Wish they could have gotten the old peeps to do some of this

Damn check out how energetic the girl is at the start of this video no sound needed1

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day!

Mom. I Love you!

None of my teachers did this!

Thanks for this Vid Bex! I guess this link verifies that the video is legit! Can't imagine a kid would rat out his teacher for this!

These 2 idiots should definitely go to jail: Do we really need to run a full trial for them? Couldn't we just put their myspace postings up and ask the jury in the opening statement if they need any extra time to decide?

If you have weed in the car - DO NOT CALL THE COPS!

Since I always praise Texas when things are going great, I should note when one of our players makes a bone headed move. How in the world are you going to call the cops when you have 5lbs of weed in your car! This is probably why he was previously excused to work on his academics the kid needs help.  

Book your hotel...

While I know most of you are probably not procrastinators like myself but just in case: I advise you to book your hotel rooms for graduation ASAP. Because of Memorial Day weekend, rooms are disappearing and prices are rising.

Also pick up your cap and gown. My gown is so voluminous I keep thinking I could hide a full bar under there for grad day.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Of Crappy Lawsuits and HOOK 'EM HORNS!

What is with all these Mother’s day lawsuits cropping up? Things like these give our profession such a bad name: I can only shake my head when I read these stories because Lawyers often wonder why our profession is not held in the high esteem it used to enjoy!

I taped an entire Sportscenter just so that I could watch the feature on the Texas Longhorns, spring practice. Watching highlights of the Rose Bowl still gives me goose bumps. I really hope Colt McCoy gets the starting QB gig just because I keep hoping that he will throw a 45 yard pass and I get to hear the ABC announcers on a national broadcast say “Colt 45”. I expect Jordan Shipley and Limas Sweed to stretch defenses and leave CBs in their dust. We may not have Vince but we are still a top team!

The world record has fallen!

Congrats to Gatlin! Interesting tid bit about his coach.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Inability to study, whores and cushions!

You know, trying to study for a PR final after already taking the National test for professional responsibility kind of feels like having sex with the town whore and then afterwards reaching into your pocket to play with the unused condom – it just seems redundant at that point.

Why do professors constantly post practice exams and then not put answer keys along with them? It seems like a tease: “You could be right with your answer then again you could be way off, but we have decided not to let you know either way” This doesn’t happen in real life, it’s not like you do a drivers ed practice run, hit a couple cars but then parallel park perfectly and the instructor just walks out of the car without giving you answers on how to improve!  

Are cushions disappearing from the LRC? Each day I enter this place and there seem to be less cushions and more bare chairs. I do not entertain the thought of peeps taking them out since 4 squares of toilet paper give better padding than those crappy cushions so where the hell are they going?

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

It makes me smile...

So I know that I probably should not take joy out of this since it's a funeral scene but damn it's a funny ad! 'Where you At?'

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Give me a True and False exam Damnit!

You know just once I would love a law school exam to be true and false, is it too much to ask? Hey I can even help with the first couple of questions.
  • A third year student will care less about this class than his next meal? T/F

  • If given the choice a third year student would rather watch 1L’s bicker over the merits of a tort case and snigger at their “I am still a law student filled with zeal" demeanors than study? T/F
To the young lady (who was clearly an undergrad) in the Library that was wearing the crisp and tight white shirt and smiled at me, you made my day!

Of scientific Calculators, Old ladies out lifting me and Gangsta study music!

So of the bat, thanks Peter for lending me a calculator. But, I dug around in my garage and found what I expected 2 damn scientific calculators, though both have dead batteries. I just knew I had to have a couple calculators I mean just because I came to Law school does not mean that I am not a bloody Zoologist and no Zoologist worth his dissecting kit is without a calculator and I felt bad for borrowing one!

To all my boys that think they are rocking it in the gym, if you are not hitting the leg weights you are a chump: 69 year old Madeline Albright can leg press 400lbs. In case you think that’s a typo that is 4-hundy! Cot damn! I am rehabbing my knee, but made sure to slap on an extra 25lbs on the press just to make sure that I was over her weight (bear in mind that I do max out the calf machine at 500lbs but thanks to Madame Secretary I will be working bloody hard at the leg press to get back up to full strength – within reason though - wouldn’t want to blow out my knee again just to prove a point)!

Excerpts from the current song that I have in heavy rotation while I study…check the words and you will see why a guy from the ATX who is on his last days of law school will like it…though most peeps probably will not see this as study music!

"The Interview" by Slim Thug
[Woman interviewer]
…Now son you've been doin' it real big for awhile But please, tell us what's the secret to your success? [Slim] I'm a bonafide hustla …This the beginning, y'all ain't seen my last When I call myself a hustla, I ain't talking about moving rocks …[woman interviewer]  Now we talk about the style of Texas Now many seem to think cause you got that Texas style That's gonna limit your success Tell us what you think about that [Slim] I'm an A-town (playa) So FUCK y'all (playas)  Got a fo'-fo' thatta buck y'all (playas)  Stay out my way Cause (playa)  I'm not for play … [Woman interviewer] Okay talk to 'em I see you here…But I don't ever see you with any security, Please, what's the word on that [Slim] Pistol grip pump in my lap at all times They be checkin' other fools, but they ain't checkin' mine You run up tryin' you gon' be lyin' down dyin' When you hear that clock clock sound comin' out of the iron I ain't no fuckin' punk, I suggest you (playas)  chill Cause if I pop this trunk, then somebody gon' get killed…

Preach on it Slim Thug

I am surprised at the extent of the Zab Judah punishment!

Monday, May 08, 2006

SD just had a mini earthquake!

And of course no one in the LRC felt a damn thing: Earthquake Thanks for letting me know about it Finn!

Bloody hot library and unwillingness to study!

As I sit in the sauna know as the library I reflect on the fact that cushions in here are treated like gold: Difficult to procure and once had people do not seem to want to relinquish them. I understand the need for 3 cushions because many of us have added bulk since law school and thus need 2 for the buttocks and one for the back, but 4 and 5 that’s just greedy! Especially in such a time of need like everyone trying their hardest to study in as comfortable a position as they can try to get in (show some concern for your colleagues you cushion whores).

Bless the person who created Provigil I am so sensory heightened and awake right now I think I can hear a moth on the third floor flapping its wings.

Sad that my main motivation right now for studying is not good grades but the fear that I will be the 3rd year called back in to retake an exam!

Can I really teach myself a class in 2 days when I didn’t learn anything in a whole semester?

The thing I learned in all my classes this year: Get an attorney to deal with any area that requires specialization: Oh and PRE NUP, PRE NUP, PRE NUP. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her (you just love your stuff more)!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

A Picture Share!

Best way to study.

Lakers failed! GO SPURS!

Crazy Kobe stat line from the game last night: It was his last game wearing #8 he made 8 field goals; missed 8 field goals; attempted 8 3-pointers and finished with 24 points which is his new uniform number for next year!

Of Cartoons and Procrastination!

In the middle of watching ‘Teen Titans’ I saw an ad for a motorized wheel chair – nothing wrong with that, just seems a bit misplaced!

It is amazing that the more I have to the more TV I find myself watching!

So watching cartoons (and yes I know others have touched on it and I have in the past too) I am amazed at just how much violence is in a single episode. I gave up trying to count how many fights were in this episode of ‘Teen Titans’ it’s an extra violent episode since they are fighting all of their top foes in a supreme battle! And NO I still do not believe that watching cartoons turns normal children towards lives of crime and violence just the weak minded unattended children and even those I am a bit skeptical about!

Who knows though every time I lose a Tekken game I want revenge and a physical release so maybe it’s not the same for violent video games: But never in my life have I tried to double black flip and shoot fire bolts out of my hands!

The amount of sexual tension in ‘Justice League Unlimited’ would make ‘Desperate Housewives’ proud, and the drawing of the female characters has gotten even sexier, or maybe I just need a girlfriend since something tells me I should not find cartoon babes sexy. “If it’s all the same with you I would rather snap your neck with my bare hands” Damn what kind of dialogues is that for a cartoon? It sounds more like a mob movie.

I am seriously freaked out by this cartoon: Flushing peeps into outer space so that they die: Completely draining a person’s essence in order to power a machine: Trying to become a God in order to rule the universe this material is just crazy and scary!

Thursday, May 04, 2006


To my favourite Gouda stacker!

Some sights from my Texas trip! More to come

Sometimes you just want to blow stuff up

Cops just don't seem to like that though
We love our star!
We really, really, love our STAR!

Finally found my Texas pics...enjoy!

A solid Texas Meal
I just love this woman: It's Austin's big F-U to H-town!
The Vehicle I was stranded in on the lake
The reason why Austin's night life buries San Diego's in the dust, not only can we drink later but I can get top quality chinese food till 4am! Step up Diego!
I miss the Tower, best spot to shoot I mean see the sights!
Alright ok, he did start with us first! But if you think he is bad, just remember y'all voted him in, we were fine with him as Governor! Though I hear that he does not like my people

A combination of so many things I love: Rum, Mardi gras and Texas winning in Football! All thats missing is a copy of the bible and no football is not religion in Texas - it just feels like that!

Our capitol is beautiful and probably larger than yours...if you doubt it, google it, then suck it: We are HUGE!

Can there be any doubt about what REALLY goes on in this establishment? I know I know it is all for therapy, I was tempted to run up and see how it looked inside but I just knew with my luck the cops would raid just at that moment and no one would believe that I was just there to look around!

Can you imagine these prices at a downtown bar in SD? These are the prices at one of the largest bars in downtown ATX! Still not as cheap as 25cent Sundays but it's a start!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Of stereotypes, the Common/Jurassic 5 show and toothbrushes

Somewhat long but let’s be honest its finals and spring and you are looking for a reason to procrastinate

I love the fact that the lady at the drug store took one look at my new hair cut and could not stop laughing…I am with her; plus I got bored

So the KK Klique could not stop laughing last night at this white guy rocking a purple polo with the jeans sagged so low the crotch was at his knee and to complete the ensemble he had a sweater – which by itself would not sound bad except for the fact that the sweater was tied around his neck in the style of those horrible 80s movies with the preppy kids. As bad as all that was and as out of place as he looked we would probably have ignored it except for the fact that he was with a hottie who had her red thong pulled so high up that you could not held having your eyes drawn to it and she was grinding him like he was the stripper pole that she had just left at work.

  • Mini classic moment; during the show when the song “Golddigger” came on one could not help but point at the above young ‘lady’ and shout “Oh she a gold digger”

  • Sadly when walking back to our cars we saw the preppy guy walking back to his car with the sweater bunched up, a pissed off look on his face and Alone!!!

  • So in prep for the show we were all trying to figure out what time to get to school since we didn’t want to miss any of the show but really…Was there really a fear that the show headlined by black performers at the predominantly white school would…

  • Start on time?

  • Be well attended? Though there was a larger crowd than expected

  • Hmm a show with a large black audience and an audience of white persons who love hip hop constantly had mini puffs of weed smoke floating to the ceiling: Nope no one saw that coming! The amount of weed there made my friend high without her touching a single blunt

  • Is it really a concert if there isn’t a flask of liquor snuck in? I don’t care how old you are, sneaking drinks is always fun…pre arrival phone call: “Hey, Hey can you hear me? Are they searching people at the gate?”

  • Hmm drunk and high white chicks that like to dance are surrounded by black guys looking for white chicks who are drunk and high! Like the line from Scary Movie 1 “Party at Cindy’s house: Drunk white bitches for everyone!” I know it may be sad that I have a line from that movie memorized but come on think about it! Next time you are at a party with more than 2 horny guys scream out that line and watch the reaction.

  • I do love the girl behind me who while she is being grinded on by no less than three black guys shouts out “I need another blunt”

  • Looking around in class I am amazed at the amount of persons on myspace

  • I should not act superior since I am IMing the 2 persons sitting beside me

  • Too many of my generation get their news from either The daily show or blurbs on MTV or BET

  • So I purchased a new toothbrush last night and it came with a tongue scraper on the back of the head of the brush, which when I was purchasing it elicited this comment from me “Cool I can get a tongue scraper without having to buy one!”. I should add that I normally just brush my tongue with my toothbrush like most of us were told to do 15 years ago by our orthodontists but of course I now scorn that because I have a tongue scraper.

Thing is, I didn’t think about just what would happen when using a toothbrush that has a tongue scrapper attached. While it is cool to use it to scrape the tongue…it scrapes every damn where else while brushing. While brushing my molars my cheeks got “tongue scraped”, while brushing my incisors my lips got “tongue scraped”and while doing the wisdom teeth the above gums got “tongue scraped”. I am not yet sure if I can deal with every part of my mouth being scraped just for the opportunity to boast that I have a tongue scraper on my toothbrush. I would love to end this with the words “…and tongue scraper is the new technique of my girlfriend but sadly this is just about a toothbrush”
  • I buy a new toothbrush every 3-4 months and none have been the same in the last 2 years: toothbrush tech changes faster than computers and I cannot resist purchasing a new type when it comes on the market claiming to be the latest and greatest: Yes I am a sucker for flashy packaging

Let’s end this with a mini rhyme: no pills needed for this one…

My best friend in school has an upcoming birthday
Her nicest glare at me resembles a death ray
To treat her right there is nothing I won’t pay
But broke like a joke is what I must say!

Haha part of that isn’t true: I budgeted. After all once someone gets you a Playstation 2 (though I still wonder if that wasn’t just done to allow for a vehicle to stomp me in Tekken) and helps you through law school you have to treat them right!

Damn it the Cali – J is a poet
Now act like you know it!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Maybe studying isnt that bad?

As I sit here in the LRC pretending to study while listening to Three six mafia’s ‘Ass and Titties’ I must say the view is spectacular today. I am sitting in a clearing because I avoided a cubicle in the hope it wouldn’t feel too depressing to be in the library and to be honest it wasn’t that bad. I know every time I am in the LRC I comment on the view but damn this spring seems to be even better than last time; the roses are definitely in bloom. And yes if you came up and spoke to me and then saw this post you are probably part of the flowers in bloom portion of the post – deal.

Damn basketball is getting rough...and presidential humor

I think he misunderstood when the coach said "Do whatever it takes to get your hand on the ball"

I do love the fact that the President was chill enough to make fun of him self using his look-alike

Not that shocking that the President would stop smiling half way through Colbert’s piece
"Girl I see you soon doing something strange, for a little piece of change"

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.