Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Of stereotypes, the Common/Jurassic 5 show and toothbrushes

Somewhat long but let’s be honest its finals and spring and you are looking for a reason to procrastinate

I love the fact that the lady at the drug store took one look at my new hair cut and could not stop laughing…I am with her; plus I got bored

So the KK Klique could not stop laughing last night at this white guy rocking a purple polo with the jeans sagged so low the crotch was at his knee and to complete the ensemble he had a sweater – which by itself would not sound bad except for the fact that the sweater was tied around his neck in the style of those horrible 80s movies with the preppy kids. As bad as all that was and as out of place as he looked we would probably have ignored it except for the fact that he was with a hottie who had her red thong pulled so high up that you could not held having your eyes drawn to it and she was grinding him like he was the stripper pole that she had just left at work.


  • Mini classic moment; during the show when the song “Golddigger” came on one could not help but point at the above young ‘lady’ and shout “Oh she a gold digger”

  • Sadly when walking back to our cars we saw the preppy guy walking back to his car with the sweater bunched up, a pissed off look on his face and Alone!!!

  • So in prep for the show we were all trying to figure out what time to get to school since we didn’t want to miss any of the show but really…Was there really a fear that the show headlined by black performers at the predominantly white school would…

  • Start on time?

  • Be well attended? Though there was a larger crowd than expected

  • Hmm a show with a large black audience and an audience of white persons who love hip hop constantly had mini puffs of weed smoke floating to the ceiling: Nope no one saw that coming! The amount of weed there made my friend high without her touching a single blunt

  • Is it really a concert if there isn’t a flask of liquor snuck in? I don’t care how old you are, sneaking drinks is always fun…pre arrival phone call: “Hey, Hey can you hear me? Are they searching people at the gate?”

  • Hmm drunk and high white chicks that like to dance are surrounded by black guys looking for white chicks who are drunk and high! Like the line from Scary Movie 1 “Party at Cindy’s house: Drunk white bitches for everyone!” I know it may be sad that I have a line from that movie memorized but come on think about it! Next time you are at a party with more than 2 horny guys scream out that line and watch the reaction.

  • I do love the girl behind me who while she is being grinded on by no less than three black guys shouts out “I need another blunt”

  • Looking around in class I am amazed at the amount of persons on myspace

  • I should not act superior since I am IMing the 2 persons sitting beside me

  • Too many of my generation get their news from either The daily show or blurbs on MTV or BET

  • So I purchased a new toothbrush last night and it came with a tongue scraper on the back of the head of the brush, which when I was purchasing it elicited this comment from me “Cool I can get a tongue scraper without having to buy one!”. I should add that I normally just brush my tongue with my toothbrush like most of us were told to do 15 years ago by our orthodontists but of course I now scorn that because I have a tongue scraper.

Thing is, I didn’t think about just what would happen when using a toothbrush that has a tongue scrapper attached. While it is cool to use it to scrape the tongue…it scrapes every damn where else while brushing. While brushing my molars my cheeks got “tongue scraped”, while brushing my incisors my lips got “tongue scraped”and while doing the wisdom teeth the above gums got “tongue scraped”. I am not yet sure if I can deal with every part of my mouth being scraped just for the opportunity to boast that I have a tongue scraper on my toothbrush. I would love to end this with the words “…and tongue scraper is the new technique of my girlfriend but sadly this is just about a toothbrush”
  • I buy a new toothbrush every 3-4 months and none have been the same in the last 2 years: toothbrush tech changes faster than computers and I cannot resist purchasing a new type when it comes on the market claiming to be the latest and greatest: Yes I am a sucker for flashy packaging

Let’s end this with a mini rhyme: no pills needed for this one…

My best friend in school has an upcoming birthday
Her nicest glare at me resembles a death ray
To treat her right there is nothing I won’t pay
But broke like a joke is what I must say!

Haha part of that isn’t true: I budgeted. After all once someone gets you a Playstation 2 (though I still wonder if that wasn’t just done to allow for a vehicle to stomp me in Tekken) and helps you through law school you have to treat them right!

Damn it the Cali – J is a poet
Now act like you know it!

No comments:

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.