My final (hopefully) Flavor of Love review! Plus some muppets!

It begins with our hero saying, "This is the final season finale of Flavor of Love" hmm, maybe until Flav needs money? Then again he has a sitcom now...

Ok this is going to be a horrible mixing of classic shows. Everytime I watch and see Thing 2 (and it was the same for when NY was on the show) all I can sing is "Dance your cares away, Worry's for another day. Let the music play, Down at Fraggle Rock. Down at Fraggle Rock" look I know she looks like a muppet, but for some reason those shows are always linked together in my mind - probably because of the Jim Henson ties.

I know you might not believe me when I say she looks like a muppet so your man has come with proof (oh no, I am definitely starting to talk like Flav, I need to crack open a book of Shakespeare). Ok click on this link for a picture of a muppet Now click on this one for a picture of Thing 2. To be honest I was tempted to link both to the muppet, but then they are practically the same thing anyway.

I love the fact that Flav made Black and Sinceer argue it out for a spot to stay...nothing like a fun intelligent cat fight...hahahah (I wrote those words and I am being sarcastic but even as a joke they still look horrible).

Flav takes Black on a helicopter ride, and then INHALES her whole mouth...seriously, what the hell! How could he be this old, and hav kissed this many women and not know that there is no need to swallow her face...or maybe he has the right technique?

Hahah, Flav fell asleep while they are on their date. The young lady is shocked. I cannot understand why she is shocked? Flav is as old as her dad, and it is the afternoon, old people like to SLEEP in the afternoon.

Flav: You banging, but most of all, you banging on the inside...
Black: That meant alot to me cause I know I have a lot to offer, other than my looks?

Yup, you are right, you have the ability to be easily impressed to offer, the ability to not question the fact that you are dating a man that looks like a 5 foot 6 cockroach, a man who just fell asleep on your date.

I feel bad for her right now (and that is hard for me), Flav just demanded that she tell a joke and she drew a blank. Here is the thing, I am a naturally funny guy (and modest too) but everytime someone demands that I tell them a joke I draw a blank. I think I give them a better look than the deer in the headlights look that Black had, but I still draw a blank.

"I am going to end this date with a night cap in my room, will you join me?" I think by now the words are like a legal statement required by VH1 so no one claims any coercion later, but never have I even for a moment expected one of these 'ladies' to say no, that kind of saddens me, it has destroyed my illusion of their chastity. I need a moment, Black is about to be deflowered in the tower (ignore the fact that she already has a 6 year old kid).

Jelaine said that Flav looks like a pimp...and you cannot disagree with that, granted my claiming that he has a 'stable of hos' was a mere confirmation. I know I did not have to put that whole line in, but this is my SHOUT OUT to Jelaine!

Shout out to Kami too, she was one of the first to agree with me re the muppet, as well as be my constant back and forth analyzer re shows. (Sorry Erin no shout out to you tonight, this is not an Idol blog)

Back to the show, Flav and Thing 2 are taking a tour, of Paris, and at one point they pass the police station and VH1 cuts to old footage of flav being taken out of a police station in handcuffs. I bet you do not get this on 'The Bachelor', I can only guess, I have never watched that show, must be too classy for me. Did they just show Flav littering as he exited the tour bus? Yup rewound it, they did, come on dude, you are being taped, have some class. You know, like having sex in the dark with the cameras still in the room.

Hahahah The Door man said "Prince, I love your music, Purple Rain is my favorite album" maybe we all do look alike? Maybe he is just a moron? Maybe Vh1 just put fake words on the screen? Nah, could they really take that chance with so many French speakers in the world? I spoke the barest minimum of french in high school, I guess I could go back on the tape a couple or 20 times and figure out what he said, but I am too lazy for that.

Wow Thing 2, he gives you a watch, and you ask this question: "this is for me, like I can take it and put it on my wrist and it is mine for ever?" Does this chick not get the concept of gifts, or does she not get the concept of a watch? I mean she did ask if it should be put on her wrist!

Are we sure this is Thing 2? How do we know Thing 1 did not lose weight and show up? I mean, when Flav asked her what does she like to do, her response was "I like to eat." I'm not saying, I'm just saying!

OH WOW, Thing 2 just told him "No" re his night-cap! Hell even Flav just said it "No girl has ever said no to a night cap in the history of Flavor of Love" A lesser man than me would go back and remove a few paragraphs in this blog, but I standby them...then again, I am still blogging who knows I might remove my declaration of always knowing what the girls would say to the night-cap offers. After all, who could factor in the reason she gave for not doing the night-cap. Not because it is wrong, not because she wants to wait for the right time, but because she got eliminated once and does not want to fall for him again...uhmm did u not come back to the damn show?

Flav is wearing a crown and all I can think of is "Dunce Cap"

"I hope that my man Flav is smart enough to choose someone with a big heart, instead of bigger boobs" This girl should write for the President.

Oh they are making their last speeches, I am getting choked up right now, ok not really, in fact watching these girls try to give sincere (whew nearly spelled it like the girl's name) speeches is as painful as watching Barbara Walters try to talk about sex.

Quick aside: Barbara Walters is a freak, you know it, I know it, and a certain Black Senator who thought he had her keeping things on the creep knows that we all know it now.

Look anytime a man wears a clock, he is going to look ridiculous but this clock tonight is extra special (like short-bus special)

And of course the gold fronts were presented as a gift. Nothing says love like periodontitis.

Damn I just wrote the title of the blog and now see that the reunion special is coming up next week...

I wonder how Thing 1 is going to handle all of this!

Cali J and Sand Assassin vol 2.3435

It was good to roll out with the SA tonight. I snagged us VIP access to a party 2nite, gift bag and all. This allowed us all you can drink privileges, hence the SA is now fast asleep on the CJ's living room floor.

This may not have been the best opening line "You jingling baby". Oh well, still better than just staring, and hoping. I would blog more, but I am lazy, tired and also extremely secretive.

But I do like the fact that the bar hooked us up with free food to go with the free drinks, that is classy and something the Cali J can always get down with.

Suge Knight "Got knocked the f#$k out"

Let me say this off the bat, Suge is such a scary man that even posting this gives me shivers, cause really the man is psycho, but seeing pix of Suge knocked out is just amazing and it has to be shared.

What I love about this is that Del Geezy and I hit this spot up back in the West Hollywood days and instantly stepping in knew it was a ghetto-club. Expensive, but not the kind of place that you want to take the mother of your child! For instance the big event we went to there was Lil' Jon's birthday party.

Anyway here is the link to the pictures for your enjoyment.

If I were the guy that managed that punch I would lay low for a bit. Word on the streets (and by the streets I mean the internet hip hop boards) is that Suge and his posse jumped the guy demanding his cell phone. After recovering from the K.O. Suge was heard demanding the cat's cell, which I guess could help trace the guy. Lay-low son, it is cool to mess Suge up, it is not cool to drive down the strip in Vegas and mysteriously have no witnesses to your murder!

P.s. do not call your phone hoping to have it returned, just let it go.

Bill O'Reilly goes NUTS!

If you find Bill to be as pompous an ass as I do this clip will make you laugh.
I am always amused when he pontificates about others in the media that he conveniently ignores his past as an Entertainment 'anchor'
The first vid was pulled, so here is a new one, apologies to those who tried earlier



I love Olbermann making fun of it

Eva Mendes topless and toe sucking

Thanks to Kami for the link!

I commented to her that it is somewhat rare to see an established actress taking topless shots like this. Kami does not seem to be a fan of the work.

Not really sure what to make of the whole shoot, I think it could have looked better but I am not as adamant that she looks 'dead and wax like' as Kami so eloquently put it.

I think I am also amused at the fact that they are posted on Huffington post. That blog has blown up in ways that I do not think even Ms. Huffington expected.

Team USA got no hit in Softball and a funny vid of peeps litterally jumping into pants

Bit ironic that the chick that no hit them was one of the last cuts from the Olympic team. I am glad Kat Osterman was not pitching in this game this way she does not have to figure in that pitiful box score.

Who says you need to put your pants on one leg at a time?

Hmm more of A Shot of Penicillin, recap vol 34.4345

"All my stripper friends All my ex-boyfriends We all want the same thing We all want the same thing" look any show that starts with that as a theme song is clearly going to be classy...so of course it has to be no shock that it is the theme song to 'A shot at love with Tila Tequila'.

I confess, I have pretty much stopped watching regular TV in favor of reality TV. You might ask why? Well I will tell you why. Much of TV right now sucks anyway, I spend most of my time on the internet trying to improve my chess game, I currently have games going against peeps in India, Australia and Britain as well as of course peeps here. Well reality TV is easy to watch while doing work, or on the net playing chess or anything that actually requires concentration. Plus, it is funny and it makes me feel better about myself! It is the same reason I used to watch Jerry Springer, nothing I can do in my life will ever be as bad as some of the stuff I see nightly on TV.

Anyway back to ASALW Tila Tequila, there was a challenge, and some of the parts of the challenge had stages such as 'bobbing for Blue Balls', 'jump in the pool for Pearl Necklaces' and a 'slip and slide'. If you do not understand the lame sexual innuendo there then bless your heart, you are an innocent.

I take it back this show does not make me feel better about myself, it makes me feel AMAZING, these morons just had a panty raid.

Did that cat really get mad that after he called a girl a whore she retorted with "Your mother is a whore"? Dude you called a chick a whore, you should know at that stage that everything is fair game.

"It felt like kissing a dead frog!" Hahahah, oh man, I worry all the time that I am not a good kisser but man I hope no girl anywhere will ever say that about me...at least unless she is mad, all is fair in love and war.

(Please note, though I might watch a decent amount of Reality TV, I will NEVER watch that show 'Farmer wants a wife')

I have still never puked in my life, but wow, watching everyone on this show puke at the same time is kind of gag inducing.

Is it pc to laugh at the fact that the lesbians as part of their challenge had to eat pigs vaginas? Does that even count as pork? Heheh one of the lesbians just said "I am going to go balls out" I know I know it is just a saying but it really sounds funny to hear someone say that while eating...pig's vagina.

I know the PUs (parental units) want me to get married but shows like this have me worried, I mean this is what women are like, right?

Hmm, stripper, softball coach, waitress, yeah these are not the stereotyped jobs at all.
Here is how little I care about this show, someone got eliminated and I am not even sure who.

Remember, keep it warm for the Cali-J, the 30th is coming up in 1 year and a few, you know how we DO!

The Empire strikes Barack

Bloody funny. Thanks to the innocent one Erik, for sending me this great link.
Enjoy

Just an example of the craziness that happens in my city

Read this link on a kidnap and murder and torture plot that happened in San Diego and Tijuana.

The sheer craziness of the story is just something that if you offered this as a script it would be denied.

Living on an avocado farm: check
Selling shady cancer cure: check
Meeting in Horton Plaza food court to discuss a kidnapping plot: Check
Ex-KGB agent (and it is not a Tom Clancy novel): Check
Pliers and duct tape: Check
Jealousy, cheating and confused investigations: Check
Heartache and very little resolution: Sadly, Check.

It kind of annoys me that Mexico would not extradite that murdered unless they were promised that he could not get life in prison!

Flav of love 'seezinz' 3 recap vol 1

I was told by a friend (Kami) that I had to blog this week of F.O.L. so here goes.

The show starts off with previously on Flavor of Love and it again shows the mom of one of the girls basically urging her daughter to go after Flav, that is called...BAD PARENTING! We all know I love Flav as a character but if my daughter (hypo) ever came home with someone like him...I have failed as a father!

Seriously this girl has a forehead so huge they could start showing drive through movies on it. Hahahah as soon as I typed this the next clip shows her wearing a bandanna and oh man, it is like watching someone trying to tie a table cloth around a house, yeah a square might be covered but it all cannot be blocked out.

Did France know what it was getting when Flavor Flav showed up? Or did they know, put up a resistance and immediately surrender to the invading force? (Sorry I had to do it) Cot damn I miss Paris.

Watching these 3 girls try to come to decisions by themselves is what I imagine happens when you try to split 2 marbles among 3 spoiled brats.

Hahah, this chick is clearly a moron, you are invited out on a boat by Flav who loves to swim and you wear only the top of a swim suit and not the bottoms?

You know what, seeing Flav without a clock is kind of weird, you get so used to seeing that appendage.

"What the fu@k is a soirée?" Oh gosh girl, please do not open your mouth to speak anymore.

Hahaah the MC at the ball room in French just called Flav "MC HAMMER" (I probably should be offended by this [all look alike and all that] but I find it too funny)

Seriously, if your forehead is too big for you to even have bangs what do you do? Do you audition to be a Klingon and just tell them that u can save them a tonne on makeup?

A thing you have to love about this show, even the sub-titler has a problem trying to type out what these chicks are saying! Sometimes I cannot understand what they are saying so I throw on the subtitles and many a time...that does not help.

Still amazing when any of these girls are surprised that another girl is stabbing them in the back. If I fell into a pit of snakes I would not be shocked if I got bitten.

Listening to Flav and one of the girls try to speak French is an exercise in torture, I am now firmly convinced the French had no idea what they were doing when they let him in.

"The perfect way to end a french lesson is with a french kiss!" Aww that is beautiful girl. Damn Flav truly inhales these girls when he kisses them. It is a crime against nature to see beautiful women on this show. Wait, let me consider this. Would it be better to dilute the Flav gene pool with a hottie or have the Klingon breed with him and keep both of them out of the normal gene pool.

"Your man Flavor Flav has got a problem; I got a psycho stalker, I got a drama queen, I even got a girl who likes to pick fights" And the Cali J has got a headache, you picked these girls, no crying now.

I tend not to put the girls' names in the blogs cause I notice I tend to spell them differently so many times. For instance one of the girls is named after the color she was wearing when Flav met her, Black. But I think Flav spells it Blaque, but I cannot swear to that, it might be Blacque after all it is the mind of Flav.

And now we have the return of Thing 2, I kind of suspected it, it just seemed obvious to me. Hmm you know what she looks a lot like a muppet, I suspect that is why Flav likes her, after all NY looked exactly like Ms. Piggy, maybe that is what Flav is into!

I leave the elimination blank cause, well it just does not matter, plus it gives you a chance to see it for yourself.

Happy Birthday

To Jackie,
You helped me through law school, and I will never forget that! Now it is with deep regret that I must remind you that you are still just another victim, so in honor of you I will defeat some scrubs in Tekken!

Yoga makes me crave ice cream vol3.5354

So I find yoga extremely challenging. I work out 5 days a week and I do yoga about once a month, yet every time I do it, it basically kicks my ass. I still cannot find Downward dog to be a resting pose, I feel much more comfortable in Cobra and of course the Child's pose.

Anyway, it amuses me that as strong as I am getting from weight lifting, I still cry for mercy if I have to hold a pose for 10 seconds...but at least it is making me limber.

What is crazy is the fact that I pretty much lose all the benefits of the work out by coming home and gorging on Friendship bread and ice cream.

I have been trying out gourmet cooking the last 6 months, hence why I have to work out so much (like I say to my friends I do not work out to get skinny, I work out to fit through my front door.)

But I realized that this fascination with cooking might be getting too strong a hold of me. I just spent half an hour watching and re-watching a video on gourmet cookware. Granted the price of the 30 piece set FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS means that I will NEVER buy it, but a man can still look at it and salivate.

Remember peeps, start gearing up for the Cali-J's 30th, a year and a few months from now, it is going to be LEGEN...

Bloody insomnia sucks vol 2394.34

Since I am up all night I decided to go through blog posts just to clean up stuff, just found this post in my drafts list, clearly from the title listed below it was supposed to be posted DURING THE NCAAs...not sure why I did not post it at the time, I guess I probably tried to throw the pc out of the window while watching the game.

Anyway here goes.
Original title: Things I learned while watching the NCAAs

Rick Barnes (the Texas coach) hates me. He clearly wants me to die of a heart attack! There is no other way to explain his coaching technique today!

Minorities in commercials are mean to everyone, my old roomie and I used to marvel at the old Ad with the guy constantly being an ass about how great his phone was. Now I see a VW ad where the guy constantly sets off the car alarm.

Former Prez Bush likes Texas cheerleaders, that was the biggest smile I have seen on his face...ever!

Despite the fact the housing market is horrible, we are being told to buy buy and buy more houses.

Though you cannot drink booze at any NCAA games, the NCAA is completely fine with advertising to its core student audience the joy of alcohol.

Those Old Spice (Jackie Moon) 'Semi Pro' ads really suck. Normally I do not see them because of DVR but watching the game live you have little choice but to sit through them and wonder..."Who wrote this crap?"

(Nothing to do with the tourney but I saw a Hilary Swank movie and, seriously there is just something about her face, she is not ugly, but she is not beautiful either, thankfully she can act!)

Happy Birthday

To my little brother (who is not so little anymore) Marc.

Glad to see the progress, congrats on making it through law school, hope to see you this summer.

Bless up!

Obama v Clinton in the wrestling ring!

Rather funny to see both candidates end up on WWE Raw along with McCain to deliver fairly funny speeches.

There was also a staged fight;


Update: Link to a clip of the Spoofed Obama v Clinton fight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jB9mb6XhD28&NR=1

Flavor of love recap...for the virgin in you!

Flavor Flav "She said her one on one time with me was like losing her virginity all over again" The first thing that flashed into my mind was "Yeah, painful"

Amazing how easily these girls turn to alcohol, in every show at some pt, when someone is nervous or worried a bottle of alcohol immediately gets drained. This week they had to go on Big Boy's show; now from my little time spent in LA, I remember that Big Boy's show was in the MORNING... Yet while waiting in the lobby one of the girls drains a bottle of Champagne!

Even the show hosts made mention of the fact that she was stinking of booze, at 7.30 in the morning.

Watching one of the girls using a Curling iron on another girl's hair I could not help but thinking 'this cannot be safe, she might snap and attack.'

Hmm one of the girls said she talks to her Grandma 4 times a day, but when Flav asked if she had spoken to her, her response was "Not since on the show" then said there was some family issues...hmm I wonder if it could be "I will never talk to you if you go on that show" I know that would be the issue my family would probably have...of course I am just speculating on the girl's issues (but hey, it is that kind of show)

With a monkey in his lap Flav said "I aint gonna lie but I used to look like him in the 4th grade" I swear the material just writes itself

So as one of the dates there was basically a menagerie in the back yard of the crib. I hate to say it, but damn that was a cool date.

(Oooh update) Turns out my guesses were correct, the chick's family hates that she is on the show! Out of empathy, I hate that she is on the show too. This show should only be for peeps whose families do not care about them or do not care how their family is portrayed. I do not fit in that category and you know what? THAT IS A GREAT THING!

Wow Flav can take a fly suit and ruin it! Let me just state, any and every suit is ruined the minute you attach a clock around your neck!

Flav is getting crazier, and crazier, which is hard to believe but the thing I like is that he still seems sincere (damn it thanks to Flav I nearly misspelled sincere and spelled it the Flavor way 'Sinceer').

UHmm Flav? Since when is France a city? "I am taking my girls to France, the city of love" Maybe we should have someone sit him down and explain to him the difference between Paris and the entire country of France.

Yeah boyeeee!

Cali J + VIP + good friends = vol 1.434

Whoo hoo! Great to see and have the becktator in town. Funny moment of the night; calling my male friend a ho, and having him freak out, because he took it personally and worried that it was true.

It is extraordinary to me that peeps are shocked that I call myself shy, watch me in the club for 10 minutes and you will see it. Granted the young lady who I just met and placed my arm around and sat down beside and nuzzled close to, might have been confused, but I was pretty clear re my shyness.

"She was screaming on the mic just b4 she came here"

The above is how Arsenio Hall (and come on Arsenio you are better than appearing on Flavor of love...aren't you?) described the fact that a contestant allegedly gave her ex some oral (fixation) just before appearing on the 'Reality' show.

Flavor Flav: "Honestly I do not know if I can handle a jealous woman Because I have millions and millions of girls throwing themselves at me"
--Word Flav? Millions of girls throwing themselves at you...man that means that there are millions and millions of crazy girls out there.

I hate myself every week for watching this show, and every week I watch it.

All the girls had their exes show up on this episode. One girl's ex met her on the beach in wait for it...San Diego. Really? That works? I know I am the shy guy but really it just does not seem like the spot to pick up a girl, at least not one for the long term...but what do I know. One of my friends met his girl at a club (where women take their clothes off) and they have been 2gether for FIVE years! I even think they had an Usher moment...you know what that is "Make love in the club."

I love that these girls are shocked that their exes call them out or say bad things about them. Heck that is practically the definition of an ex: Someone who no longer can stand "yo stank ass."

(A quick aside, I just saw a clip of the Bachelor that a friend sent to me (which is ironic since I am watching the Ghetto Bachelor at the same time) in it the Black girl had an 'argument' with one of the other girls. I call her the Black girl because that is how everyone knows her, Black women tend not to make it on the Bachelor and then of course this one went OFF! It is like watching the 'mad' Real World, you just sit there and hope someone will not 'show their ass' but sadly it seems only the crazy ARGUMENTATIVE black peeps make it on. BUT, let us not pretend, no race is exempt, most of the peeps on these shows are just crazy and nasty.) Ok back to your regular scheduled Flav update.

The girl named Tree (she is 6'3") wore a shirt with the stomach cut out and the boobs barely covered, hate to say it because I think big and tall girls need love too, but I think that shirt was made for a shorter woman. Then again it could just be that Flav is just so damn short, the whole date just seemed weird since Flavs head was basically right around the girl's bits!

I swear I know one of the Kats that ended up on this show as an ex Bf. I have to research this, I think he is actually boys with one of my friends.

So one of the girls has a problem with men that drink...ok cool...we all have our issues with things that peeps do...for instance the Cali J has a problem with peeps who smoke, hence I do not date girls that smoke...not telling you not to smoke I am just saying I will not date you, not your issue but mine...so let me see, you claim to know about Flavor Flav and you are shocked that he is drinking excessively? I empathize that your biological father was an alcoholic, but I do not think that you are going to be the one to change Flav! The man is a former crack head, his lips are black from smoke and he has 7 kids, trust me drinking is the least of your worries.

I maintain that the twin action thing is not cute after the age of EIGHT! And come on heifers jumping on the bed of an opponent...really? That cannot be acceptable oh wait a minute what am I saying? You 2 showed up on a reality show as twins trying to date the same man! Of course you are dumb and hoochieriffic!

(Wow Deion Sanders has a reality show now, all I want is to see a shot of his closet, I know it has to be a walk in closet and it will pretty much have suits in all colors of the rainbow, heck that could be a whole episode of the show, Deion modeling suits and peeps calling in to guess the exact color. "I think you are wearing fuchsia" Deion: "caller that was close but I am actually wearing a lilac/lavender blend with a heliotrope liner")

Ok the show is over, I need another shower, despite just showering after the gym, this show is just so damn sleazy.

On the gym note, crazy uncoordinated chick; was it necessary for you to stand right next to me in Cardio Kick Boxing and then kick to the left when the whole class was moving to the right? Thank goodness I had my guard up or I might have been wiping a shoe print of the front of my shorts...when I stopped panting in a squeaky voice.