Can a Jamaican take Cali?

Infrequently updated consistently funny

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Bachelorette recap - Sikh and you will find!

Tonight we do Hometown’s
Rachel first meets Eric in Baltimore, MD – as Rachel walks up Eric starts dancing. Eric shows her what he calls the nice part of the city… “not the part where I am from.” They play a fake game of one on one: So Eric’s A1 (His cousin Ralph) meets up with them on the court, nice to see Eric was smart enough to bring his hype man. 

I was so happy to see a big family, so often the black family is portrayed as a non-nuclear unit with very little support so this was cool to see. 

Eric’s family does a really good job of talking him up, Kid has no chance to win this but it is nice to see. Eric tells us in his interview that he is going to tell Rachel he loves her, but she spots that he never actually directly tells her that, instead he says “I really care about you.” 

Rachel tells us that Miami is like Bryan “Its Hot, its steamy” well someone is sprung.
I was just in Miami this weekend so it is fun watching them hit spots I just hit. Bryan takes Rachel to play dominos, they are TERRIBLE at it. He of course takes her to Calle Ocho. 

Bryan’s mom tells him that marriage is a very serious commitment; she then tells Rachel that she prayed at Mass that she would be the one. Bryan tells Rachel that he loves her and she turns giddy, contrast that with her reaction to Eric…Eric has no shot. 

Madison, WI is up next and only when Peter says its name do I notice his accent. They go to what looks like a Farmer’s market and Peter claims he does it every week. Some of Peter’s friends come to meet Rachel, I always joke that if I was on this type of show I would try to get all of my friends on so I respect this move. A bit weirdly Peter tells Rachel he wants to go off and talk to his male friends while leaving her to talk to his female friends. Peter tells his friends that in 3 weeks he might have to get down on one knee and propose and to him that is terrifying.

Peter and Rachel meet up with his family and Rachel likes how Peter is with his niece but she is still nervous that he will not want to be husband material. Peter’s mom tells him that she will be supportive if he proposes.


We go out to Aspen, CO – Dean comes across as so young.
Parumrup = the name that Dean’s Dad has given himself after becoming a Sikh. Santantar is the name of Dean’s stepmom. Dean does not think that it is his responsibility to talk to his dad over the last 2 years. This is clearly a weird family dynamic and Dean is trying really hard to prepare Rachel for it. Even while walking up “This is not a good of indication of who I am, it is an indication of who I was…I am legitimately terrified” these are the words Dean says as he is walking up to his family’s home. 

Dean and Rachel walk in to see the family sitting on the floor (because they do not have a dining table). Dean’s dad then plays the gong for everyone, as they lie with their heads towards the gong.
Rachel is from a traditional black church background, I really wish I could see inside of her head as each moment unfolds. 

Dean’s dad thinks Dean is talking from his Male Chakra and it is giving him “all new points of energy” Dean rolls his eyes. 

Dean’s sister is talking to Rachel at the same time as Dean and his dad are talking and she tells Rachel, that Dean has been very strong through tough situations.

Dean and his Dad have a heart to heart about the death of Dean’s mom and the rift it caused in their family that does not feel like it should be on national TV. Dean’s dad is saying he is honoring his son but he does not want to talk more intimately so they curse at each other and the dad walks out.

Rachel sees Parumrup walking outside and says “Can I talk to you for a second?” “If you must.” Despite being angry at him Dean’s dad says “Dean is an amazing man.” They begin to talk but Dean’s dad breaks it off intimating that he cannot talk any further because it is too much for him. Rachel then goes inside to talk to Dean and while they are talking we see Dean’s dad walk up to the window and look in like a spectre.

Time for a rose ceremony (these have been increasingly rare this season):
OMCH comes in to talk to Rachel – this moment was nothing more than a cheap recap ploy.
Of course Bryan gets the first rose. Dean does not get a rose, he tells Rachel “I hope you find what you are looking for.” I thought I had misheard Rachel telling Dean that she was falling in love with him but in this goodbye moment it was confirmed that she did. Dean tells us that he thinks that Rachel made a mistake.

Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Bachelorette recap or lets go dog sledding into hometowms

Off to Switzerland and Rachel tells the guys things will be a little different, 3 one on one dates then a 3 on one and no rose ceremony. 

Bryan gets the first one on one: Some of the guys express shock and annoyance.
And Rachel tells us she sometimes likes to treat her man…so she lets him drive a Bentley – clear front runner…They go to Breitling, good lord I would stab him if he came back to the hotel room and told me about this date.  Of course Bryan gets to keep a watch and gets a rose and a hometown visit.
Dean gets the other one on one while poor Adam is suffering the fact that he has not yet received one.

Dean one on one:
Rachel takes Dean to a catholic church…I hate when the Bach/ette franchise uses church as a source of entertainment. 

Rachel tells us and Dean that some repeat one on ones are to allow her to see if she and the recipient of the date are compatible. But Dean keeps making jokes when Rachel asks him serious questions.
Peter gets the next date card, and Eric voices what we are all thinking that Bryan, Dean and Peter are probably the top 3 in Rachel’s mind currently. 

The dinner portion with Dean and Rachel is not any less awkward than the daytime, Dean finally confesses that he is worried about Rachel meeting his family. Despite all that painful awkwardness and the admittance that his family might not be the best Dean gets the rose. 


Helicopter Budget Kicks in on Peter’s one on one:
They head to Glacier 3000 to dog sled. Rachel clearly does not handle the cold well and it cracks me up seeing the tell tale signs of her bouncing up and down to stay warm. Peter tells Rachel that he had thoughts of going home on his bad days. 

Peter tells Rachel that he might not get down on one knee at the end of the season, despite that and his thoughts of going home, Peter gets the rose. 


Group date:
Adam, Eric and Matt get to travel with Rachel to France via boat to battle for one rose.
Eric gets the first mini one on one and uses a lot of platitudes. 

Matt, tells Rachel he knows it is not easy for her. Rachel crying tells Matt that he reminds her so much of herself but…she lets him go even after telling him that in another time or place he might have a better shot. 

So now Adam gets his one on one wait…nope, we do not see actually see him getting a one on one…until the evening portion where Rachel finally pulls him aside:
Rachel brings up that Adam once said “a part of me” she wants to know why he wouldn’t give her his all. 

Eric tells Rachel he has never taken a girl home, probably to impress upon her, her special status, but instead it scares her…but she still picks him and sends Adam home.  

Bachelorette Recap or, be a Viking why don't you?

We restart with Kenny and Lee discussing their issues from last week.
Bryan got the date rose mainly for just keeping his mouth shut. Kenny congratulates him while throwing shade at Lee, Lee then says “F#$k you” to Kenny. 

Jack gets the one on one date:
Rachel says they should get along they should be perfect for each other, but something is missing. Jack in his ITM thinks “there is something there.” Jack wants to kiss her. He moves in for the kiss and Rachel pulls away saying “you are going to get sick, I am contagious” poor guy. 

Lee keeps trying to get Will to say that Kenny was aggressive, Will tries to break down to Lee how using that dog whistle term is problematic. Lee just blows it off as playing the race card. Will is clearly trying to work with Lee here, but Lee’s prejudice will not allow him to learn anything beyond his desire to make Kenny seem subhuman “oh so he cannot control himself?”

Back to Rachel and Jack and she is telling us is that she needs to see more passion from him (us lawyers are not always the best at this). Poor Jack does not see this breakup bullet coming. I do not know why they always make the lead pick up the rose to then send someone home.
Rachel cancels the cocktail party – 

The rose ceremony is by a bonfire, I can’t help but think Lee is there wishing something else was burning. Of course Kenny, Lee and Iggy are all placed side by side. Kenny gets the second to last rose and it is down to Lee, Iggy and Jonathan (the tickle monster). Lee gets the final rose and again I think it is producer driven. Iggy was causing so much trouble in the house it makes sense that they got rid of him, but if we are kicking out a trouble maker why keep the racist? Iggy cries in his goodbye interview. 

They take off for Oslo, Norway.
Bryan gets the one on one:
Josiah says, “Brah, she really likes Bryan” Lee looks confused.
On their date Bryan and Rachel are going to rappel down 187 feet and Rachel points out “Is no one else getting the code that it is 187?” A producer whispers “What does that mean?” Rachel screams “MURDER” hahah I love her. Even if it is clear that she is into Bryan more than anyone else. They kiss halfway down the ropes. Rachel is clearly wondering why she likes Bryan so much and worried that he might be playing her. 

Back at the house Eric starts to voice to Anthony that he is not sure that Rachel likes brothers – Eric notes that only Anthony has gotten a one on one as a black guy, with all the other opportunities going to white guys. 

Funnily for a vibrant girl, when Rachel is with Bryan they become boring.
A date card shows up and 2 names are left off of it, Kenny and Lee (which is why the producers gave them roses last ceremony). 

Group date:
The group goes and plays hand ball, and Rachel also plays as part of one of the teams (the red Team) Will who has previously played the sport happens to be on her team…he is probably the MVP of the game. 

Back at the hotel we get a contrast of personalities, Kenny is getting emotional video conferencing with his daughter while Lee is lifting weights and telling us that he wants more than a spark he wants a flame (and in my mind I see him marching with a tiki torch at a rally in Virginia). 

Back to the group date, Will is the first one on one and he talks to Rachel about his most recent breakup. A lot of guys are getting kisses tonight. We get some hot tub action with Rachel and Peter which the guys who were not there note means that 3.5 hours passed. But despite all the time Peter spent with Rachel, Will gets the date rose. Peter looks shocked! 

The 2 on one date:
Is accompanied by dramatic music as the three of them are out in the wilderness – Kenny goes first and he tells Rachel that he has confronted Lee. On Lee’s turn he starts to say stuff about Kenny that we have not seen so far on camera…he then intimates that Kenny has a drinking problem. Rachel then comes back to ask Kenny for a second talk. Rachel tells Kenny “Lee told me you were very violent with him…you pulled him out of a van.” 

The 2 night episode continues:
We get Kenny coming back to meet with Lee and he is laughing at Lee for lying then launches into a verbal tirade. Rachel comes back to tell Lee that she is going to send him home and tells Kenny that she needs to spend more time with him tonight to see if she can give Kenny the rose. Lee even though he has already been sent home tells Rachel that Kenny threatened him. Kenny and Rachel walk to the helicopter but instead of getting in the helicopter with Rachel, Kenny foolishly turns back to go and confront Lee one more time…as Rachel sits in the helicopter waiting for Kenny she notes that it is stupid. 

Kenny redeems himself during the evening portion and gets the rose. He calls his daughter and breaks down emotionally and…anyone watching who didn’t think the interaction between the 2 was sweet has a stone for a heart. 

Going into the Rose Ceremony, Josiah is spouting tonnes of confidence “If I do not get a rose I will be shocked” well guess someone is SHOCKED, because…Matt receives the final rose. Anthony who told Eric it was not a racial thing and Josiah are both sent home, I wonder how Anthony feels now. Josiah says “No one in this house thought I was going home tonight.” He then breaks down guys compared to him and says “woman you have got some poor judgment.” Eric again notices the color of the guys going home. 

Eric gets the one on one:
Part of why I am not enjoying this date so much is because Eric requires too much validation.

Group Date:
The guys row a Viking ship. They then have to dress up like Vikings and play Viking games. Kenny and Adam make the finals and both get hurt and bleed…however all the previews made it seem like Kenny’s  bleeding came from fighting Lee, not once did they show Adam bleeding. Thing is as a long time fan of this show, I knew there was no way Lee actually fought Kenny – He would have gotten murked! 

Evening portion – And it is pretty chill so let us flash back to the hotel where Will is telling Eric that he does not normally date black girls (he frames it in terms of opportunity, not preference, thankfully). Kenny basically sends himself home, he and Rachel agree that he is not in the position to stay when he doesn’t want to expose his daughter to a ‘maybe relationship’ rather than a ‘for sure’ relationship.
Peter gets the group date rose. 

One on One:
And Rachel takes Will to Sweden, we do this now overdone Bachelor/ette trope of having an old couple come and talk to the young couple on their date – it is hard to believe in these interactions since they now happen multiple times every season. 

Rachel like me appears to be bored with Will – there is no spark between them. Rachel says the night time is going to matter greatly for Will. 

Night portion – Will tells Rachel that he has predominantly dated white women, and you can tell that it bothers Rachel. Cut back to the guys’ hotel and Eric tells the other guys that he told Will to tell Rachel that he hasn’t dated black women…oh dog! Back to date – Will continues to sink himself by telling Rachel that he is normally a very passionate person which of course causes her to question even further why he showed no passion towards her, sooooo no date rose for Will. Will takes it like a pro. 

Rose Ceremony:
Rachel begins with Hamlet and says “To thine own self be true” is guiding her. Looking at that lineup it looks pretty much like every other season of this show, a sea of white guys and Eric. Alex does not get a rose and looks stunned.

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Bachelorette recap or here comes the race baiter from the south

We start again with Lee and Eric arguing – (If you look Lee up you will find that he is a race-baiter, but the guys there may not have known that but I want to think they sense it) – Josiah notes that Lee is doing things that make him uncomfortable; when Lee says “I’m gonna have problems with some of these guys in here” it makes me think he means ‘black guys.’ So of course he interrupts a black guy’s time with Rachel.

Listening to the guys try to decide if someone means quarks, quirks, or corks gives me life. 

Dean straight up calls Lee intolerant in his ITM and notes the only peeps Lee seems to have a problem with are the ones who he didn’t grow up with in his cultural sphere.
Kenny calls Lee out and you can see Lee trying to goad him into doing something more serious.
Rachel points out the fact that she is going to face criticisms for her choices just because she is a black woman. 

Lee of course gets a rose…feels like a producer rose. 

The crew travels to Hilton Head…South Carolina, right after racial tension. 

Dean gets the one on one date:
Dean who is terrified of heights, is now going to have to ride in a Blimp with Rachel. Rachel gets to control the blimp for a second and convinces Dean that he has to do it. Dean reacts in much the same way I would, cautious optimism. 

Evening portion and Dean shares his sob story, his mom died when he was 14, he smoothly does it though and does not seem ham fisted with it like most. He gets the date rose. Oh look we are back to pretending we know the musical act, tonight it is Russell Dickerson. 

Group Date Time:
The guys are all styling and profiling whoooo, push up contests, dancing, rapping and flexing. But all of that is pushed to the back when they now have to do a spelling bee – Josiah thinks he has it locked. Kenny was the first to fail on ‘champagne’ and turns out Josiah did have it locked, though in fairness his words seemed easier than others for instance he had ‘polyamorous’ as his final word while another had ‘boutonniere.’ 

Group date night
And Iggy takes his time to snitch on Josiah - Then comes back and tells Josiah. Eric says “Iggy is like a gossip Queen” Josiah in his ITM says “I’m surprised he is still in the house, he is the lamest dude in the house, he does drugs, he shoots steroids in his nuts” whoa whoa whoa.
Lee takes his time to lie about Kenny. Which of course leads to poor Kenny losing his one on one time with Rachel to discussing Lee, he then confronts Lee about this.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Bachelorette recap or, we will not let you back in this house!

We start with DeMario trying to talk his way into the house he definitely turns on the silver tongue charm, but it does not work and thus the posse of guys hanging outside the house willing to throw him out does not need to be activated. 

The cocktail party continues and the guy labeled ‘Tickle monster’ walks around with giant hands. Waboom aka Lucas tries to counter what Blake has said about him by using what I guess is gay panic? He tells Rachel a story of waking up and seeing Blake standing over his bed eating a banana – right after saying Blake might have a crush on him. Blake as a counter to his accusation says that he does not eat carbs…Both Lucas and Blake are booted, while Lucas is doing his goodbye ITM Blake walks over puts his hand on his shoulder and begins to verbally unload on him. They begin to rant at each other in a pretty funny meltdown, I have not seen every season of this show but I cannot imagine this has happened much before. 

The Group date card arrives and it says the guys are going on Ellen, they react way too aggressively for men that allegedly have jobs during the daytime…on the Ellen show they strip down to dance for the ladies in the audience and a few snitch on themselves. 

Ohhhhh Fred, he asks Rachel if this is the right time to kiss her, he makes it awkward but somehow still gets the kiss while continuing a sentence – he has been waiting to kiss her since elementary school. Rachel brings out the date rose to the group but then asks Fred to step outside with her for a bit, the guys who remain in the room think that this means he is getting the rose but nope Rachel is letting him go, because she just cannot see him as anything but the little kid she once knew. 

Solo date time:
And they are on Rodeo Drive poor Anthony has to get on a horse for the first time in his life and ride down Rodeo with Rachel, she steers their horses into West (the shop) to get boots and hats, then to Sprinkles for Cupcakes then to a boutique shop where the horses finally relieved themselves. Anthony lucked out cause he got to get an ‘experience’ plus gets gifts. 

Group Date Time:
And Rachel brings some of her ‘friends’ from her season of the Bachelor, it is hard to see Corinne on this. The guys are taken to a saloon to mud wrestle…so again the guys on the group date are topless. I guess this is equality… they are objectifying the men like crazy here including yelling “show us your junk” and “let me see that butt.” Sigh, I hate when they make the women strip down on the Bachelor and I hate to see it here for the men on the Bachelorette. 

Kenny confesses in his one on one time with Rachel that he used to be a Chippendale dancer in Vegas. 

Eric confronts the 2 guys that told Rachel they found him the least compatible with Rachel. Despite being told by multiple peeps that Eric is not right for her Rachel gives him the date rose.
Cocktail party time and multiple people talk about Eric and it clearly shakes Rachel – this causes her faith in him to shake and she seeks him out. Rachel doesn’t pull the rose from him but Eric calls the guys together to lecture them about “keeping my name out your mouths.”

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo
Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.