Infrequently updated consistently funny

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

The family of Cali J and the Cali Jamaican group of companies would like to wish you all the very best this holiday.

Allow me a quick moment of non-modesty (some might say the C-J is never modest) I cooked a fairly significant portion of today's feast and got rave reviews. Which worked out well since I was sweating bullets until the moment my pops approved the meal.

Now that I know that they enjoyed it, my xmas feels even better. Now if I can just convince myself not to go to Special Delivery at this time of the night I will feel excellent...if the $4000 price my boy quoted me is legit I cannot in good conscience link a session on Xmas night for that price!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Another unbloggable night v20.07

You know a night was crazy when you run to your shower rather than to your room upon getting in just because you feel the scent of the night's debaucheries might be so strong on you that it might wake your parents and you need to shower them off immediately!

If you are privy to the Cali J's addition to the lexicon that is you will have an idea of why he had to shower so quickly

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Jamie Lynn Spears is preggers! Tila Tequila and a lesson in economics

So I know a lot of peeps would say this is not shocking, but to me it is! Let us take a quick rundown of why I am surprised.

1. She is 16 and wealthy; teen pregnancy is on the decline among all social levels but especially among the wealthy
2. Her sister is Britney; if seeing that train wreck did not swear her off having kids nothing would
3. She is on a Nickelodeon show; shows like that tend to frown severely upon unplanned pregnancies and especially unplanned pregnancies by their teen-stars
4. Seriously Brit is her sister; come on, how could she practice unsafe sex with that role model as her sister???
5. Seriously condoms are cheap; no matter how much you might cry that you are spending on condoms...and if you are spending enough that you honestly have to cry about it then trust me, most peeps do not care about your will always cost more than condoms do! Just a thought for those who are deficient in economic theory.

I saw the finale of 'A shot at love with Tila Tequila'...interesting finish, but the choice I expected, will not blog about it more since would not want to give away the finish but it was decent, as my boy Flavor Flav would say, nothing "too dramatical"

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I love my parents' sarcasm vol 2.4

I love the fake surprise that my father exhibits any time he finds out that I am home at 1.30am on a Sunday morning. Peeps wonder why I am so caustically sarcastic and then they meet my folks and I get a knowing nod.

Love my mom's reaction to me being home: "What happened none of your friends wanted to lose their lives tonight?" Oh mom, you kidder! Back to the grind in the morrows, let's see if I remember how to play a piano!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Eating Raw Milo!

I do not know what it is, I do not know why I cannot resist it, I do not know why it calls to me; but, if there is Milo in the house I cannot help but pour a scoopful into my hand and begin to eat it.

This was all well and good when I was a kid, even when I was a teenager, but, I am a grown man, I really should be able to resist it…but, I cannot. Tonight I was craving a snack, opened the cupboard, saw a packet of Milo initially walked away, checked the other cupboards and the refrigerator, yet felt called to the Milo. So of course scoop to the hand and happiness ensued…

Now I am sitting here wondering what is wrong with me. How can someone be that addicted to dry Milo? “Yeesh G, get control of yourself.” One of the funniest parts of the situation (at least to me) is that I think I prefer dry over the actual finished product even though the finished product contains condensed milk which is another thing I used to eat out of the middle of my hand (do not do that one anymore, way too sweet and clawing).

This late night snacking will probably defeat the 4lbs I took off last week.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Beauty Pageants are AWESOME!

Oh man I must be getting old, I actually watched a Barbara Walters' Special and enjoyed it!

Now on to something that is keeping me fascinated despite the fact that I never watch Beauty pageants. I think the last time I watched a beauty Pageant was when Lisa Hanna was competing or maybe a few after that. Definitely have not seen one since I left Jamaica. But what I do like following is all the drama that seems to have accompanied beauty pageants this year. Let's take a peek at what has happened this year more than one winner of Ms.(insert state here) has lost their crown some because scandalous (still love that word) pictures showed up, a baby showed up in the belly or coke showed up in the nose. Miss USA herself had to be pardoned on national TV by that great arbiter of moral conflict Donald Trump.

I mean seriously you should check out the pictures of Ms. Nevada kissing, interacting with her public , and making sure that she is hands on with everyone (go check them out, I will wait for you here)...(told you they were crazy!).

When Ms. Congeniality came out it seemed so far I am just waiting to hear about some girl going nuts and trying to take over the world. After all the Miss Puerto Rico pageant was already sabotaged with allegations of pepper spray to make up and clothing!

Finally the one closest to me; my home state of California has recently had its own scandal. The idiots running Miss California somehow miscalculated the votes, awarded the crown to the wrong girl, then had to take the title back and give it to the proper winner and peeps are now wondering why the girl that just lost (2xs) is planning to sue? These are accusations no beauty pageant wants written in a column "Silva, 24, lives in L.A.'s Koreatown and is of Ecuadoran and Mexican descent. Was she too ethnic? Too urban? Did judges find some dirty secret in her past at the last minute?"

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

"Paranoia, paranoia everybody's coming to get me"

This was one of my favorite songs in 1998. Then I found this awesome viral video. It is one of the better home-made videos this year. These peeps all work for the same tech company and apparently did this vid in one take, one day after work.

Looks like a fun environment...and their website says they are hiring.

Lip Dub - Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger from amandalynferri on Vimeo.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Cali J - just like clockwork!

Wake up, eat some bad food, feel bad about it, eat some ice cream, feel better, hit the gym at some late night point and work out to the point of being so sore that blogging is difficult. I swore I was taking today off from working out until today's dinner consisted of an apple (I started of so good), then a granola bar (low fat version - still doing well) then 6 cookies...*sigh*

"Bu-bu-bu-but wait it gets worse" I ate the apple, cookies and granola cause I was so sore and tired from working out combined with laziness brought about by watching excessive amounts of football (great games this weekend) that I just could not be bothered to cook or pick up dinner. So of course the A/C/G did not fill me up so I had a scoop of low fat ice-cream (with milk - so damn good), then I realized I needed protein so I broiled some bacon! At this point I realized "Cot damn this is crazy and possibly suicidal" and thus knew today could not be a day-off from the gym day. So it was off to go swim and jump rope. Now I smell like chlorine (despite 2 showers; how is it that you can never seem to get the smell of chlorine out of your nostrils for a couple hours after swimming) and I am so sore that I feel like Britney Spears after a Friday night (draw your own conclusion on that one).

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.