Infrequently updated consistently funny

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Friday, July 29, 2005

Mobile blogging...My room-mate is a P.I.M.P.

Party...

Advance warning: Next Friday will be the all white party event of the year. Come as white as you can (clothing not ethnicity) and enjoy yourself at Galileo 101. This event is thrown by my boy Pride and should be a banging event.

Free to current/past and incoming USD students.

Please no hoods made of pillow cases!

Both eyebrows? Still there!

So I learned multiple things last night:
- Since I cook with so little salt on a normal basis over salting for me just makes food mildly salty
- Grilling in the dark = Blackened chicken.
- Grilling in the dark = Tingling fingers
- Grilling in the dark = Flare ups that light the night sky up and cause dancing spots in front of your eyes
- Grilling in the dark = Is damn fun!
- Jeremy vs. Screen door = Screen door 0, Jeremy 1.
- My carpet is not edible people so stop trying to season it w/ salt.
- Alcohol + food + “the Crew” = GREAT TIME
- People you like, should always have a place in your heart and home
- Red wine + Sprite in a fancy wine glass = Still Ghetto.
- Becky + alcohol = Funny conversations (“Yes, yes I know I am drunk, no, no wait a minute what did I say…I am NOT drunk [stumble, mumble] where’s my bud light”
- BD Tank + a 40 of Olde English [OE for the educated] = great picture…be assured that, that will make the blog.
- Thinking of installing a hot tub in the living room = BAD idea
- Corn is not bad when baked instead of grilled
- I really don’t want my friends from the ATX talking to my friends from SD and I know it can’t ever be safe to have the Jamaican friends talk to either group…I like my exploits to remain hidden…unless of course I blog them then clearly they have been deemed fit for airplay
- Shrimp + jerk seasoning + whiskey + honey = so damn good it’s a shame I took so long to do it
- Peeling and de-veining shrimp = “no wonder I haven’t done this before”
- Red wine + any fabric = instant stain
- Smoke detector + smoky grill = “Shut that thing off…pull the battery…break it damn it break it”
- Doing another eat up and drink up = GUARANTEED
- Thanks to all those who came out lets do it again.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Jerk Chicken Thursday

Lets hope I don't poison my friends...quick warning: As I was seasoning the chicken after a rather late night of drinking, I have this feeling in the back of my mind that I may have used tablespoon measures instead of teaspoon measures when pouring the salt...just a pre warning. PSA "Never work in the kitchen after drinking steadily for 6 hours" Oh and never leave a baseball game carrying your own chair...

I figure if food is too salty it just means more wine has to be consumed! So there is a bonus to everything.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Iranian Gay Youths Hanged

So I was blog surfing as I am sometimes wont to do and on Fyr’s blog I found a story that I just had to read. As always when discussing other’s cultures or religions I am hesitant to condemn etc., but would rather try to understand what their culture is about or why something must be. However, after that disclaimer: Cot damn this is too much for me to comprehend, to denounce homosexuality is one thing (and often done in Jamaica) but to actively remove homosexuals from society is just too much for me to believe. Kids so young with no chance to ever grow up, because they committed a sexual act is just too hard for me to stomach.


(course the sick feeling in my stomach could also be that damn milk I had)

Queasy...

Damn I knew that milk tasted funny!

Wow thats small!

Can we not get the president a bigger TV?

Ghetto party: You know...for kids!

Ah yes Miami, I love that city, but the choice of having a “Ghetto Themed party” at a kids’ summer camp was probably not the wisest choice to make. The watermelon eating contest is I know bad, but honestly if I was apart of the camp and it was an in camp competition I would jump at the chance to do it and not think of it as racial or insensitive…but to advertise it as a feature in a prominently black community I am sure would/should cause some raised eyebrows.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Woman admits having sex parties for teen boys...

Thanks to Tiffany for letting me know about this article. Crazy!!! So to be the "cool mom" you let your son become known as the 'kid whose mom will sleep with anyone' Damn thats a warped sense of what's good for your kids.

Grand theft Auto San Andreas

Hmm is this really something the house needs to be looking into...afterall the violence in the game was probably bad enough that it should have been kept out of the hands of kids...Then again it probably is congress' job to protect our nations kids since many parents seem to have given up on that concept entirely.

To my friends taking the BAR!

Good luck, my prayers are with you and I’m sure those of many of my readers…though I am sure for some it’s the selfish reason of hoping that our bar passage rate goes up so our ranking goes up (yes I know how y’all think). Becky here is your shout out “GOOD LUCK!”

Monday, July 25, 2005

Exclusive Cali-J readers invite…

As my friends and I have joked it’s clearly not that exclusive if I have posted it on the web…but anyway basic reminder this Thursday all are welcome to come and eat some Jerk Chicken etc at my crib…the festivities should be kicking off at about 7.30-8pm-ish. Let me clearly state this is not a party (so no keg). BUT alcohol will obviously be there since this is a Cali-J endorsed and catered event but sadly its BYOB.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Toure de Lance!!!

Trite title I know but damn the man has dominated it for SEVEN years and did this coming back from cancer. I am proud to wear the yellow bracelet. There is no doubt in my mind that if he decided to come back he would probably win it again next year!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Jerk Chicken Thursday...all welcome!

So to celebrate the arrival of the Princess of the ATX coming to SD, I have decided to fire up the ole Cali-J grill and jerk some chicken. If you have never had Jerk Chicken...DAMN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Anyway to my peeps that know, the food will be ready at some point in the evening on Thursday the 28th. So to the young, the old even the casual reader...the Cali-J will be hosting a meal at the crib. There even might be steak and you know what for the hell of it lets just throw some shrimp in there. (Basic menu: Jerk Chicken, Shrimp Kabob [seasoned with a whiskey/honey glaze mildly spiced with a jerk marinade] and for the peeps who really really just can't try other cultures there will be some steak). Of course there will be some alcohol, sorry to let you know I am low on beer so hint hint bring your own damn it...I am feeding you. Hard A will be provided though I am on running low on that too...mini hint. Vegetarians are welcome too, if you are Veg and would like a meal too I will throw some roasted corn on the grill [have to warn you though my roasted corn comes glazed with butter] vegetarians must RSVP cause to be honest I do not keep vegetarian supplies stocked. Oh to my room-mate "HEY DAN we are having a dinner at our crib on Thursday." To Zandra "Hey Zandra the first night you're here I am cooking". To the rest of y'all "Come eat my free food" This message will prolly be repeated everyday for the next 5 days to make sure even the casual readers catch it...Summer and life is too short so come enjoy it with me. Oh and M.B..."seriously you don't know what Jerk Chicken is DAMN!"

Hustle and Flow

WE are watching this movie tonight (Saturday) so come on out yall. The cali-J would love to kick it with y'all so lets cartch a movie!

Friday, July 22, 2005

Happy Birthday

Ashish...great kicking it with you in the club.

Happy Birthday

Josh...congrats on seeing another one.

Quick reminder...Jess' housewarming later tonight. See y'all there!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Tonight’s menu…

Spaghetti with a slow simmered meat sauce made with fresh garlic, onion and diced tomatos with a hint of dried basil and parsley and a dash of oregano (of course we will be using lean minced meat for the health conscious) all topped with freshly grated parmesan cheese. It’s great to be able to cook food you can enjoy.

Jessica’s housewarming…

This Friday at the new Casa de gemelos (aka Jess’ house) Jess will be having a BBQ/drink fest/housewarming/meet the all new Cali-J (k so I threw that last one in). Anyway Jess will provide the beer but please bring a bag of chips or something…hope to see you all there, except for the Jamaicans (only one allowed per party damn it this isn’t Caribana)!

Thanks M!

You know what is amazing and makes you feel all warm inside? An apology from a friend for something that happened 5 years in the past and you never thought anything of it. Those just make you realize the value of friendship…I completely thought nothing of the situation and yet my friend apologizes for it. Just makes you think wow, someone cared enough to say Sorry! Ok so enough of that mushy ish…Check out that Jessica Simpson video for the D of H soundtrack, if you play the lyrics to another song while that video is on and just stare at the screen it is a great video: Dare I say classic?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Seven-year-old girl shot dead by gunman

Come on damn it! That is some rassclaut foolishness. How the hell you going to just open up in broad daylight and start spraying? Assholes I hope you die slow!

Monday, July 18, 2005

BESTIALITY IS NOT ILLEGAL in Washington State!

At first that might sound bad, but really what is bad is that we have to even create laws to let peeps know that having sex with an animal is bad. Come on, damn it who has sex with animals? Apparently people in Washington! (a must read article). To have a farm become a brothel is extraordinary in its level of depravity. I just feel really bad for this dudes family cause for the rest of their lives they have to live with the fact that their family member died because he decided to have anal sex with a horse and it KILLED HIM!

Hard to believe...

Dogg you my boy and I know I should take you at face value but, I find it hard to believe that you spent the entire night Clipse-ing on that chic to just end the night with a handshake and a “Have a good night!”

You gotta love San Diego politics:

Our mayor resigns amid scandal and now our deputy Mayor has been convicted in a Strip club scandal so he will have to also resign. WOW! Whose next?

Saturday, July 16, 2005

“You know it’s hard out here for a pimp” --DJay.

I want to go see that new movie Hustle and Flow and would like to roll out to it with some of y’all. For all my boys who claim to be hard and down with it, this should be a good education for you. To the many that think that all black films with rappers in them should be immediately pigeon-holed in the “Soul Plane” genre think again and go see this film. Don’t forget that this was one of the top picks at Sundance (won the audience award) and was bought for a festival record $9 million there.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Damn EMILY?

Wha di rass! So it appears that nature has decided to attack my small island and beat us into submission with hurricane after hurricane. I know it’s just co-incidental but sometimes I have to wonder if the location of Hedonism II on our island is not a sign that we need a cleansing. If you don’t know what Hedonism II is and you are under 80 you should definitely look it up. I’m kidding re the thought that we are being punished cause after all if the good lord wanted to send a sign I think Las Vegas would have to be one of the first places hit, then probably LA (sorry Robin), then probably any school that the Norbrook massive frequent…

No need...

...to identify the 4th bombing suspect as “Jamaican Born Lindsey Germaine”. Wi nuh waan associate wid dem rassclaut asshole dem…That and the fact that where he was originally born has nothing to do with the fact that he was a psychotic idiot who the world should be happy to be rid of.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Welcome Z!

In exactly 2 weeks I will be welcoming Zandra one of the original Princesses of the ATX to Day-go and the day after that its Street Scene, should be a good way to end July. Come on out to street scene my people. For the non-acclimated to San Diego people check out this LINK. As always my home is always open to friends visiting SD.

Oprah for President?

So a recent poll stated that Oprah (she of the weight that fluctuates more than my affections for a certain young lady) if she ran right now for president against G. “Dubya” Bush would win with 65% of the vote. Before anyone gets excited or mad please note that the poll was conducted by Parade Magazine. I wouldn’t mind seeing a female president despite all the jokes I have made to the contrary, I just don’t think we as a country are ready for one…

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Inland Empire strikes back...

Will improve this post when I have time, right now just thought I would throw it out there...pretty impressive that they will be able to locate the guys the minute they have a drop of alcohol in their system.

Riverside County will be the first in the U.S. to use Ankle bracelets that test human sweat for alcohol and wristwatches equipped with global positioning to help keep convicted drunken drivers from re-offending. The Riverside County Probation Department is the first agency of its kind to use the devices to track drunken drivers while on probation. TAMMY McCOY in the Riverside Press -- 7/11/05

Monday, July 11, 2005

Just wrong, plainly wrong...I would not be shocked to hear that a guy just 'randomly' ran up and beat that car in with a bat.  Posted by Picasa

H'observations

Some quick Hip Hop Observations (H’Observations if you will):

Shouldn’t Ja Rule get a royalty check from 50 cent, after all he basically indirectly launched 50’s career? I defy anyone to show me a mega star rapper whose career has been killed that effectively by another rapper. 50 has made is so bad that people forget that Ja Rule is (in terms of sales) one of the biggest rappers ever.

Reggaeton is killing the airwaves; I can’t go five minutes without hearing the words “Daddy Yankee” screamed out.

If you’re a fan of the down south hip hop movement you have to check out Slim Thug, the new crossover track with ST and the Neptunes “I aint heard of dat” is tite.

But if you’re more of a fan of ladies getting as raunchy as possible on lyrics you have to check out the song by Ebony Eyez “In ya face” if you want to be pc but if u heard it in the club or on the digi-cable then you know the real name “Ass in ya face” a woman hasn’t been this raw on the radio since Khia sang “All you ladies pop your pussy like this” as her opening line, I mean DAMN!!! Though Ebony’s chorus of: “now would you let me put my ass in ya face…if I let you bend me over by the waist” is pretty damn funny too.

Sick bastard!!!

Yeah, yeah I know this is old but it’s one of those things that I knew I just had to blog about no matter if it’s weeks later. The man cut off his own penis cause his wife was obsessed with Sex and then he kills her on top of it!!! Most men would kill for a woman who wants it all the time not kill a woman for wanting it all the time. It shows just how selfish men are in general, all my male friends that I have mentioned this to are more shocked about the fact the guy cut of his penis than the fact that he killed his wife.

By the way you’re a bitch if you try to rob a beauty store and you’re an even bigger bitch if you get beat down while trying to do it.

My new mp3 player!

How can you go wrong with something as small as this when jogging. Fie on Apple for trying to trick the masses that they need a shuffle if they cant afford a regular Ipod. Please yall take advantage of SD's weather etc and go take some walks etc...lets all get fit for the new School year. I will be the guy heavily breathing like a 1-900 phone call running around USD in the evenings say hi if you see me. Don't be offended if I don't reply, I probably wont have any breath left.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

New York steak!

We are about to do it up big; Something tells me that my boy BD Greg picked NY steak just because of the name. Oh well, I have created a whole new marinade involving copious amounts of whisky, sugar and garlic so lets hope it works out well.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

The Fantastic Four!

Or Die Fantastischen Vier (for my German readers) is a great SUMMER movie. If you are looking for a classic this is not for you. But, if you are a fan of the comic or the comic book genre this is a fun movie to watch. Oh and it doesn't hurt that Jessica Alba's hotness is turned up to super human proportions in this movie; COT DAMN she looks hot in a skin tight outfit. FLAME ON!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter?

HELL NO! Screw that…what those bastards did today in London is unconscionable. There is no fight that requires the slaughter of innocents. How do you prove that your cause is good and pure by killing people who have nothing to do with the promotion or prevention of your cause? Thousands in Britain have protested against the war in Iraq and then you go and bomb their city! I hope they find every single one of those perpetrators and flay them alive. Thank God that so few were killed! Hard to believe that the bombs in such high traffic areas only killed 37 people though sadly injured over 700.

Hurricane update

So after appearing to be guaranteed to smite Jamaica looks like Hurricane Dennis has changed course and will only brush the eastern end of the island with its outer tip. Praises be!

Oh and does anyone have pics of Bush crashing the bicycle into the cop?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Prayers...

So it looks more and more likely that Jamaica and in particular my hometown will be hit by Dennis which has been upgraded to a hurricane. My prayers go out to all the citizens of Jamaica and especially to my family. Mom, dad, Alicia Love Y’all!

Enough with that chic already...

You know what I want just as much as the next person is for them to find that Aruba chic alive and healthy. But, I want to find her shacked up with some American kid in Miami somewhere cause to be honest I am annoyed by the coverage now. Plus I am annoyed by the American media acting as if justice means nothing in other countries. The things that are being demanded of the Aruban authorities would never be allowed w/n America. Now there is shock that the Aruban citizenry is outraged at the coverage and the statements by the mom that the boys are not being questioned enough or that the boys should not be let go despite the lack of evidence against them? Come on. My island is about to be lashed by a bloody hurricane its hard for me to care about some chic that left a hotel bar WILLINGLY with 3 guys. Lets keep it real her mom has been bashing the 17 year old guy as a bad kid because he was out till 3am one night…her daughter’s actions weren’t exactly those of an angel.

How to deal!

So my boy Dels and I just had a convo about much of the bad things we have probably done in our lives that we probably deserve to pay badly for. Yes I am no saint I realize that, but cot damn some things just aren’t right when you hear it from your ex. At the same time I don’t lie to anyone…to all my exes and pseudo exes, sadly more of the latter than the former anything you need to know I will tell you the truth or I just wont tell you at all, but I wont mislead you down the prim rose path to spring something on you days later. If we are talking about something and let me pull a scenario; Say we are talking about messing around with people in the military and I tell you that I don’t have any friends that it has ended well for, if you tell me yeah it doesn’t go well and “Yeah I avoid military guys” to a bloodclaut day later tell me you messed with some military guy the week before is the foundation of a lie. It may not be a lie to a girl, but you ask any guy and they will tell you that you were a girl hiding something. If our convo is about what you were doing the week before and you neglect to mention that the military was apart of it, trust me the only conclusion is that you lied to me about it… Ask any guy clip that Ask any guy with BALLS. Cause to be honest ladies while you have your breasts in our faces most guys wont be able to think and we may tell you what you want to hear, but the truth is that a cover-up of an escapade is just as bad as the escapade… I don’t give a Rass if you do it here or in rassclaut Germany. Fire bun di fassy!


"A couple of 'em said I was cute but I was just too chubby
Same size a year later the same hoes wanna fuck me
...They know that I got it made, I'm a motherfuckin baller
She would want a nigga now but I ain't got no time to call her
I'ma stall her like she stalled me, now she tryin to call me
Bitch I'ma dog yo' whole ass like you dogged me"
--'Back then' by Mike Jones

Hurricane watch!

Damn it another damn hurricane is heading for Jamaica.

To my Jamaican bredren: “Oh Lawd mi caan believe seh annoda rahtid hurricane a come see yuh, mi prayers fi di entire island” Shotta duh mi a favour and keep mi updated aite bredren?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

So to be honest I think Americans make way too much fun of their president...but I had to share this pic. I think enough time has passed since the pope's death for this not to be too shocking to anyone.  Posted by Picasa
Meant to put this one up for Father's Day then decided not to, but then figured what the hell...got this in an email and honestly its a pretty neat ad Posted by Picasa
I know this is not the most PC thing but damn its funny...sometimes you just have to laugh at racism. Posted by Picasa

Another Texas domination!

Lance is already in the lead at the Tour de France. Talk about something that just felt inevitable. It reminds me of Jordan in his prime, no matter how bad the rest of the Bulls were doing I always felt like Jordan would do something spectacular. It’s early in the race and there is still so much that can happen, but it’s no shock that Lance is wearing the yellow jersey. Now time to sit back and watch team strategy unfold; will they keep the yellow all the way through or just let others take it and stay close to the lead to have Lance try and dominate the mountain stages as usual to win in the end?

Monday, July 04, 2005

Free steak and Happy 4th of July!

So I came home tonight and started marinating 2 steaks and then after getting all the preparation together remembered that my roomie will be out of town for the 4th. So I am either going to eat 2 steaks by myself tomorrow (which I am perfectly capable of doing and if you have ever had my steaks you would be able to too) or I am going to share one with the first FRIEND that shows up at my crib today. Lets be honest though, if you show up empty handed I am not going to be as inclined to share my steak with you. In case you think I am short changing you on the steak, one is 20ozs and the other weighs in at a modest 16ozs so they are bigger than the normal type you would get in a restaurant. Then after gorging myself I guess its off to the beach to show off the swollen body and the satisfied smile.

You know you have had way too much alcohol when you know its not even safe to consider taking a sleeping pill.

It was definitely a good night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECKY AND RACHEL!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Quick blurbs

Raven Symone: Have you seen her recently? What happened to her? Is this the same girl from the Cosby Show? I couldn’t believe my eyes.

The new coke ad using the old “I’d like to buy the world a coke” isn’t that great, they took a song that was great in its simplicity and tried to spice it up and the new version just sucks.

Andy Milonakis; have you seen his show on MTV? Hard to believe that the ‘kid’ is actually a 27 year old man! The show has some funny moments and a lot of What is he doing? Moments.

Damn Sex offenders!

So some dude who is a registered sex offender up in the OC got busted while waiting in line to see the new Star Wars movie. The reason for his arrest is so damn funny. Because he was camped out for three weeks (idiot) he violated the rule that sex offenders upon relocation (living anywhere for 5 days or more) must notify the authorities of their movement. On the radio they said he was busted because a news crew showed him playing with life sabers on the news and a deputy saw him, but the article I have linked makes no mention of that.

Rest in Peace!

Luther Vandross

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.