Infrequently updated consistently funny

Monday, July 31, 2006

Looks like a Jamaican will stand alone again!

Wow something tells me that your masseuse would have to really hate you to sabotage your career like this! Or it could just be a badly created cover story. I reserve judgment as to which I think it is. I love the fact that Asafa will over take the #1 spot in the world BEFORE Gatlin is suspended (potentially) this way at least he got it head to head and not because of paperwork!

Decent summer movie

Saw Miami Vice tonight: It is a fun summer movie. I don’t think it’s a great ‘classic’ movie but it’s a good visual treat. Well put together film and better than most. I do like the fact that even though it is a summer blockbuster-esque movie it managed to avoid the pitfall of just throwing in a bunch of explosions and hoping to just wow the audience into thinking they are seeing something good. Oh and it has none of the cheesiness of the 80’s tv-drama but all of the flashiness; cars-hotties-and great shooting.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sunday is a great day for gilling

No doubt about it will have to cook a 10lb slab of ribs today!

Ah drinking and Psych

Not sure how much Alcohol is left in San Diego, but I do know that my friends have made a good faith attempt to rid the bars of it!

I am loving this new show…Psych! Normally I am not a fan of shows on the USA network but in the last few years they have come out with a decent line up in Monk, Psych and though I do not watch it I hear good things about ‘The Dead Zone’ (I enjoyed the book so to be honest a bit wary of watching the show).

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

As down as I am feeling today

The Fergie 'London Bridge' song just makes me smile...ah those lyrics creative writing at its finest!

OK OFFICIALLY 100% SCARED NOW!

My laptop crashed in the middle of the bar forcing me to switch to handwriting and completely freaking me out making the rest of the bar just another crappy experience.

I should have known it was going to be a long crappy day when neither I nor the proctor could find my seat, and I was eventually placed in a seat that turned out to be someone else's seat.

DAMN IT ALL!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Burned out and the Bar hasn't even started

Good luck to all - here's hoping for the first ever 100% pass rate!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Ah moments like this I really miss the Island - so burned out from studying!

So the tony matterhorn song "dutty wine" amazes me just on its sheer vulgarity everytime I listen to it and, sadly I cannot stop listening to it - the amount of places that he contemplates and lists 'penetrating' his girl on is just awe inspiring: Seriously Tony? "on the dresser, Bruck all the figurines" on the TV, on the fan?? and the names of positions "The Roast duck"??? Something tells me no surface is safe to touch at Mr. Matterhorn's home

"Coulda 2 a dem, coulda 3 a dem, send di whole a dem"
As to di following vid watch it descend from a decent attempt fi do dutty wine to sheer craziness - I really think she hits her head on the floor a few times as shi do di "twist yuh head" move



I love the tuck in yuh belly song and goes well with this vid clip - make sure your speakers are on...

Bloody hot, creepy ads and an efficient army

I am more than a little creeped out that a bail bondsman ad on the radio appears to be trying to seduce clients into picking them!

It is so bloody hot in my apartment that I am just sitting in darkness.

I am so burnt out from studying. If I fail the bar it will not be from lack of knowledge. I left the LRC at about 11.30pm and could count the amount of cars in the parking lot on one hand.

Love and blessings to my friends in the middle east – Keep your heads down and stay safe.

An Amazing system utilized by the Israeli army!



Wow, just heard a commentator drop this gem: "He is just like Herpes, just when you think you have him beat he comes right back!"

Saturday, July 22, 2006

A Picture Share!

Seen on my way to dinner. Made me smile.

No wonder I feel like I am melting...

I just checked my weather service link and it shows San Diego at 103 degrees (heat index). So sad when the air conditioned library feels like the best place to be right now!

Friday, July 21, 2006

What is this guy thinking?

This guy really, really cracks me up. I love how he came up with that number! $832 million because you look like the greatest player ever: Amazing!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Apologies for the peal out and free hugs to all!

“The tribe of extreme has risen again” – Paul Heyman

So it seems that during the bar study period everything we do is extreme. Today leaving the parking lot for the 2nd time this week I made my tires squeal (SQUEAL) which really shouldn’t happen with a car as old as mine (after all it is now at the age where it could get a learner’s permit). Thing is I do like hearing the tires squeal, but not in a parking lot…thing is – I do not realize that I am pealing out when leaving the library. Bloody studying has gotten to me!

If I am going to peal out I would at least like the fun of knowing that I am going to do it. I have a pretty good feeling that my tires are low so I will check them in the morning since it would suck wrecking on the way to the bar.  

So to the quote above – SO many peeps are FREAKING OUT…I hate seeing my peeps stressed, everywhere I look I see people either shedding tears, choking back tears or wiping away tears.

To my peeps buck up we will all make it true – nothing is worth the toll you are taking on your souls…and never forget – FREE HUGS ALWAYS FROM THE CALI-J

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Sizzla seh it so mi muss past it!

Jus a tek sum wuds from missa Kalonji in prep fi di bar

“Rise to the occasion, look at yourself den say yuh strong, no-one can stop yuh, oh yeah Rise to the occasion, go ahead yuh know yuh strong, no-one can stop yuh It's for you to make the best in life, know that you got the chance

Get up & step towards your goal, it's all right, fulfill your needs & wants You to make the best in life, know that you got the chance Get up & step towards your goal, it's all right”
--Sizzla

Screw the bar - Save my friends - Damn this is killing me!

So as I sat and watched 2 friends trade out ‘freak out’ moments and I stealthily reached for my ipod headphones to plug my ears so that I wouldn’t get ‘bummed’ out. I realized not for the first or heck even 50th time that the Bar just RIPS US APART. It is the dasher of dreams and the killer of hopes. I slept less than half an hour last night because I was tossing and turning trying to figure out a wills and trust MPC question despite the fact that Wills and Trusts do not have MPC questions – Worst thing too is that I know there are no MPC W/T questions but I could not stop trying to solve the damn problem.

If you know me you know I may kid about stress a lot, but I tend not to stress out, but damn it the bar has shown me a whole new level and since I am not used to stressing I think I am handling it badly. My skin is breaking out like a teen-ager’s I eat crappy food and I have no patience for anyone’s stupidity (hmm maybe the bar has only increased my attitude). Thing is what mainly sucks is that the peeps I would normally turn to for support are either taking the damn bar themselves and it is not fair for me to ask them when they need it as badly if not worst than I do (I haven’t broken down in tears like a few I have seen); or they are in Texas and our times conflict; or working; or not even in the damn country.

I have studied for this exam harder than I have ever studied for anything in my life. I know more law than most lawyers currently working in the state of CA (the knowledge may be useless) (that’s not a boast by the way – I do not think I am unique in that I think 90% of the peeps currently taking the bar will know more law than current lawyers – just lack experience) and yet I am fully convinced that I will fail the bar. I look at the upcoming 3 days with nothing but revulsion, I have no confidence and I cannot stomach the thought of failing.

It is so bad that peeps are using phrases like “no one talk to me on Tuesday”
“I do not want to see anyone before the bar” or my favorite “Just think of it as a practice exam” Well the latter is how I had planned to treat the LSAT and thankfully my score assured me that I wouldn’t have to do that so here is hoping the same will happen on the bar.

Regardless of the result next Tue/Wed/Thu: San Diego better look out because once I am done and the rest of my cohorts with me there will be a good faith effort to rid the entire downtown district of alcohol. My intention is to make it look like prohibition has returned by removing alcohol from every bloody bar that I am allowed to enter!

To the Bar examiners of CA “JUST BRING IT”

Mmmm Vanilla...The ice cream not the girl!

Screw the bar. It's yogurt time.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

There are not enough random cat fights between hotties!

In honor of my ex who seems bent on spending every day at the pool while I suffer in the bar (no empathy baby gurrl?) and insists that while at the pool shi mus get wassy wid di people dem. I have dug up an old gem of an ad - yes it is sexist and prolly mysog...oh just watch 2 beautiful women catfight and enjoy yourself cause the bar sucks!!!!!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

I love this song and video

Check out all the cameos etc..."Who you rolling with?"

BAR

JUMP-OFF!

What is happening to so many icons of my race?

What is with so many of the old black iconic female singers blowing up in size? It is really sad to me: Chakka, Patti, Aretha (BIG AS A HOUSE) Franklin, Etta James (to the point that she had to have surgery. I worry about this – diabetes, hypertension, heart disease all typically associated with increased body weight are major killers in the black community and I hate to see singers who so many look up to just seem to let themselves go. The male singers do it too – Peabo, Barry White, Luther Vandross (thing is so many of the men were already large that the change in size is not as shocking as when I see a singer go from rail thin to able to block the sun at noon) Chakka can now go “through the fire” by blocking air to it. Is this going to happen to Beyonce in 20 years? (not putting Beyonce in that class of singer yet! But I think she has the charisma and staying power to grow more and more)

Anyone close to me knows that I am not just worried about my weight I am paranoid about it, but as little as I do to keep the weight off I don’t think a time will ever come that I could comfortably allow myself to balloon a 100lbs and not do something drastic to take care of it…I love the above singers and I fear that if the black community does not do more to watch its overall lifestyle that more icons will be lost. RIP Luther, Barry and Etta!

Weird thing to note the amount of 50’s and 60’s icons that passed this week – I know they were old but a bunch died at the same time (I always think older folks die in groups because the will to live is extinguished when friends depart and not because of superstitions like death in 3’s or 7’s or whatever # peeps pick)

Now back to my 2.30am bar studies!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Some of you will claim sexism I claim realism

So I saw these higlights (lowlights) on sportscenter last night and just sat in shock that they paused a game that is supposed to be the best of the best for crappy dunk attempts. What the hell? The supposed beauty of the womens' game is that they stick to fundamentals and do those well while not trying to be like men...well I guess stopping a game to try dunks isn't like men since it's not an in game dunk if everyone has to stand aside for you to try over and over again.
HORRIBLE - It cheapens the game and only makes it look more and more ridiculous. Please no one respond with the you can't do it argument because that is weak since there are many things we see that we can't do and we can comment on, plus I am not a professional athlete and if I were I would not bloody ask everyone to get out of my way so that I could try to dunk! ---something tells me that the bar has made me so bitter that I find this worse that it really is!



No I change my mind about the above statement it is as horrible as I think it is!

"Boo women doing bad dunks, HOORAY RED STRIPE" - probably what the Red Stripe guy would say!

A Picture Share!

Sometimes the only way to study is to give up!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Great development...but

Why does HIV treatment cost so bloody much? Over a $1000 a month!!! I thought we wanted to eradicate the disease!

Chappelle needs to come back

So I had planned NOT to watch the Chappelle show till after the bar then saw this part when trying to fall asleep tonight and had to watch the whole damn episode I had saved...you must watch this clip...one of his better skits - the rest of the show was sort of bland but this skit was awesome "I wrote this song in 94"

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

He was probably studying for the bar - A MUST WATCH

It starts slow but I guarantee that you will love it - hard to imagine anyone snapping so hard and for so long

Let the bodies hit the floor!

Our conversations in the study room are all so graphic and depressing. WE delight in conversations of murder and mayhem, breakups and death.
Though there was a stimulating moment in the study room.
X: “Dude, How do I tell her I want her to moan for me?”
Y: “Normally I find it best to just tell them directly to do it”
X: laughing
Z: “What are you laughing about?”
X: “I just asked Y how to make you moan and he told me to tell you to do so directly”
Z: “He has never gotten any has he?”
X: “Hard to tell – Is he supposed to care if she moans?”
Now I know in normal life conversations like this are not that crazy and not that stimulating but when studying for the bar simple out of place things like this can lead to raucous laughter.
Z: “He’s nice – just nice, I don’t know what else to say about him but he is nice, nice, nice…so nice”
X: “Are you describing your boyfriend or a shirt?”


This feels like it should be the Bar review theme song.
“Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor Let the bodies hit the floor  

One - Nothing wrong with me Two - Nothing wrong with me Three - Nothing wrong with me Four - Nothing wrong with me One - Something's got to give Two - Something's got to give Three - Something's got to give
Now (SCREAMING) Let the bodies hit the floor
Push me again This is the end … You're all by yourself but you're not alone You wanted in now you're here Driven by hate consumed by fear Let the bodies hit the floor”
--Bodies by Drowning pool

Monday, July 10, 2006

Parents can be so amazing!

You know as children we often just do not realize how much our parents mean to us or the fact that no matter how old we become our parents still just know the right things to say.

Those who know me know that my parents and I rarely talk, not because of a lack of love or anger with each other but just because that is how we are! Yet tonight out of the blue my dad called to offer some words of encouragement – I loved that…thanks old man. Love you!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Eh Congrats Italy, still wish you had lost!

Watch him fall down like a house of cards
THE BEST STRIKE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD CUP...
(thanks fat bastard for the link)
So some of you might be wondering what inspired Zidane to do that now infamous headbutt...well look at some of Materazzi's tactics from past games and you can see why most players hate playing against him


We tend to forget that Maradona was crazy on and off the field...check out this short clip of him kicking ass from his days at Barcelona

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Damn you

Thats all I can think of right now as I sit in a study room 13 minutes before closing and the only light that is available to me is the one coming from my laptop screen...it is idiotic to turn the lights off 13 minutes before closing you damn asses. I am blogging this because I need the LRC for the next 2 weeks and if I don't get this anger out up here while I stumble around searching for my study material I will go downstairs and get BANNED from the LRC for life!!!!
YOU SONS OF BITCHES!

WARNING some crazy knockouts follow

(Remember 2morrow is the world cup brunch at casa de cali-J)

This is a sickening hit...but while studying for the bar all I can think is TORT/BATTERY/Aggravated/no reasonable person reacts like that/ATTEMPTED murder (cause cot damn he tried to kill him with that hit!


This one is probably the craziest choke out I have seen in a basketball game the kid has seen too man UFC fights you only need to watch the first 10 seconds everything else is just Fox News fanning the flames - watch how the kid just pummels the kid after he gets him to the floor.



Thanks Josh for inspiring this fresh round of time wasting

Come one come all!

So the World Cup finale is here…and I am having peeps over; so the usual vague invitation is offered here. If you know where I live come on over!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

"It's a survival story...true ghetto story"

I was so surprised to see this as the "new joint of the day" On BET today, this video has been out so long it was hard for me to realize that it might be still new to the American Audience, big ups to di man Cham - something tells me that due to the fact there is an actual commercial product with the title 'Baby Cham' he had to drop the 'baby' tag - kind of like Mr. Lex formerly lexus

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I know some people do not care to live...

But there is no reason to risk my life with you! Tonight after studying for the bar and then lifting at the gym I stopped to put petrol in the car. A car pulled up next to me when I was almost done and a Grizzly Adams looking chap stepped out and started pumping petrol across from me. He then proceeded to do something that I immediately knew something was wrong with but I could not place my finger on…then in horror it dawned on me as a familiar smell hit my nose and I nearly jumped out of my skin….

The idiot across from me had taken a step back from the pump pulled out a box of matches and LIT a cigarette in front of me and BEGAN SMOKING!!!!

Forget the fact that years of science have told us that fire plus gasoline = big boom! Common sense tells you that fire plus a GAS STATION = potential CATASTROPHE.

I was in such shock that I couldn’t even get the words out properly …”What the hell are you doing”. Just as I said it the pump clicked, I was done: I jumped in my car and peeled out (I think the door didn’t even close) before anything crazy could happen…I fought the urge to turn back and try and snap a picture with the camera phone figuring the spectacle of the picture was not worth the chance of being the bbq on 4th of July!

A bloody idiot like that should not be allowed to have a driver’s license!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

A Picture Share!

Seeing this coming home after studying for the bar really makes me miss zoology. Life was simpler then.

Some of my favourite clips from the Maury Povich show

You have to play this with sound and take close note of how certain she is that he is the father - with percentages like that she should work for MIT.


this second one comes under the heading of - HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW? I mean we all have our moments of denial but uhmm take a look in the mirror, then look at your wife THEN look again at your kid...I can't believe they actually needed a DNA test? Wouldn't a picture of all 3 have been just as good?


Ok this guy became the #1 Maury Paternity clip - that says alot right there...he is also a sad example of a man: It is ez to produce a kid much harder to raise one, especially if you are a kid yourself...

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Just to make you smile...more for the guys but I know girls like to look too

Wives and Girlfriends of the world cup stars! There are some real hotties in the bunch!

The world cup is over!

It has officially become Euro 2006…which isn’t a bad thing in terms of excitement.

I do not understand the British fans railing at Cristiano Ronaldo for pointing out to the ref that his team mate had just received a crushing blow to the baby makers thanks to the heel of Rooney: many of the English fans on the message boards are screaming bloody murder because a man decided to stick up for his countryman and team mate rather than for the guy he plays club football (Manchester United) with!

Utter nonsense on the part of the Brits – you play for country first and club second! And damn it if your team mate has his cream producers creamed by another man’s heel you damn well better let the referee know about it. Rooney was an idiot for the kick and that’s it now go home and make some porridge because that bastard should be sitting at home sulking with Ms. Muffet for weeks for that unsportsmanlike like shot! I hope they suspend him for that travesty.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.