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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

You know how you know you love food? vol1.2

When you stare at food ads for a store that is already closed, just so you can think about meals to make.

- I have accepted the fact that I am a fat ass. My doctor took me off dairy products while recovering from the flu (apparently it triggers phlegm). The whole time that I have been off dairy I have been dreaming about ice cream. In fact I had thoughts of "screw it, I will risk coughing just to taste ice cream"

- I was flirting via AIM tonight and I brought up my desire for coconut ice cream. I just crave ICE CREAM damn it! I discovered coconut powder in my pantry, and could not resist using it in everything the last couple days.
- Coconut rice,
- Coconut bubble tea,
- Coconut water (not surprisingly...not that great)
- Coconut sprinkled over cookies
--No clue why I sometimes just latch on to a food item and run it into the ground.

Anyway tomorrow I go back into the doc and get the results of my blood tests, the only thing I am not being tested for is DNA (by the way blood tests...not that cheap!). So I had the thought that maybe I should just deep fry my breakfast tomorrow, cause it would suck to show up at the doc's office to hear "No more fried food!" and not have taken one last run at clogging my arteries.

Blood tests are one of the few things where you are happy to spend money to hear the words - "NEGATIVE" I am being tested for things like diabetes, cholesterol, triglycerides etc...please God let everything be good. After all, what is the point of losing all this weight if in the end I get bad news? Looking at the is 12 hours away...please be negative, please be negative, please - well u get the picture.

Oh by the way for all my fellow fat assers (it should be a word damn it) out there McDonalds is giving away free McSkillets this Thursday and Friday with the purchase of a Medium or Large drink (get a diet coke).

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Purple is the new color of Spring...if you are a girl

I have noticed the last few nights around town that purple outfits are everywhere. It is amazing how quickly trends can take hold.

Purple is still not as great a trend as "Beard are in for 2008" but it has its place.

I need to roll out with uglier friends. Having such a good looking clique could seriously lead to some problems. Last night was a study in what women want. One member of the clique is so tall that he can tell me if it is raining 5 minutes before I feel the moisture and another member DESPITE his claims that he is not short, would drown if we passed through a puddle.

So rolling out last night was a bit crazy; rolling through the club I would have a girl smile at me, (you know 'give the eye') then I would watch their eyes roll upwards and discover that there was a head visible above mine (tall bastard). It did not help that some crazy chick was convinced that Assassin was John Mayer (out of classiness that I rarely exhibit I will not put a side by side of them up).

Then the short one was on a roll with girls below the height of 5ft 1. I mean the guy is a Svengali when it comes to short women.

Funny thing is, though I am semi-ranting, I do not suffer in the clubs. In fact I do fairly well. And as Assassin can vouch, I coach a great game when it comes to setting peeps up for success on the pick-up. Last night it just turned out to be my luck that the 'gangsta-boo' was the one that was interested in me.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Sheryl Lee Ralph WTH are you doing on Flavor of Love

You are married to a Pennsylvania state senator you are of Jamaican heritage, you are a strong independent woman, heck you are a Dreamgirl! I know you were on there as a motivational speaker but cot damn, I do not want to see you on this show. FOL is a guilty pleasure of mine, and like many guilty pleasures we do not want to see good people involved with it. Please SLR, do not reappear on anything like this ever again.
(side note, Damn girl you are STILL getting it done)/

"A baked potato? Are we in Russia"

I still maintain if a family member of mine ever shows up on Flavor of Love, I will have to disown her!

Elimination tonight was funny, Flav tried to eliminate a girl and could not remember her name...I guess that it is a clear sign that it is time for you to go if the person you are trying to woo cannot even remember your name.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Big Monday: Texas v those Aggie clowns

Photo by Eric Gay Associated Press
Huge basketball day for Texas fans, I know I have my DVR running to make sure that I do not miss the game. Now I just have to make sure that I do not accidentally stumble on the score before I get to watch the game. My phone is off, and I am not checking text messages either until I get a chance to watch the game.

Great weekend of sports! The Daytona 500 was amazing (I know it might seem weird that I watch but I love Nascar) that bump move to end the race was so well executed that I knew Tony Stewart had no chance the minute I saw Busch hook on to Newman's bumper. Unfortunately for Stewart his team-mate was caught up in traffic and could not get into clear air to give Stewart that last push he might need. Dodge cars owned the race, 6 of the top 8 were Dodges.

The next big thing for me was the Slam dunk competition. I have never understood why peeps say get rid of it...and replace it with what? It is fun let it continue, and if you saw this weekends competition you will agree with me. When Dwight Howard "supermanned (yup it is a word) that dunk" the arena went nuts! The best dunk for me was definitely the 'Birthday Cake' Gerald Green actually blew out a candle in a cupcake on the back of the rim, that was bloody amazing!

Ok some of the dunks for your edification
off the backboard

The Birthday cake

Superman that ohhhh


Friday, February 15, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!

"What do you call it when Bill and Hillary get together for Valentine's day? --A fundraiser" from The Tonight Show. 2/14/08 (thanks DVR)

I love my downtown clique:
Cali J: Sup G, bringing a girl out tonight for V-day?
N: Nah, not really, I will be taking a girl with me but it wont be a date.
Cali J: Taking a girl out with you on Valentine's day...and it is not a date...smooth G, real smooth.

I love that most of the peeps in the clique manage to deny that they are ever in relationships. One of my boys has dated his girl for 2 years and still denies that they are in a relationship. Just amazing the commitment phobia that we all seem to share. Something tells me that is part of why we are such a good group, we all understand each other.

Hey Baby girl; "You remind me of my jeep!"

Monday, February 11, 2008

The 'Blackchelor' is BACK!

Tonight was the premiere of Flavor of Love THREE. How is this not a national holiday? I mean come on next week is President's day, the premiere of FOL should be a nationally recognized day of equal importance.

Chick: "I want you to call me Hotlanta"
Flav: "If I get with you your name is going to have to change to Mylanta" (I paraphrased cause honestly following along with Flav is not always the easiest)

They put twins on the show? Come on now, you know Flav is going to be hurt trying to do that math. By the way, what rational person wants to get into a 3some with their sister?

Bunz: "When it comes to the bedroom I will try anything once" --Word chick? Sure that is not a statement for the camera?

I know I say it at the start of every season, but dang, somebody might just 'get cut', I could definitely see someone leaving in an ambulance this season.

"I am taking the girls to the most romanTICAL places in the world" You have to love his use of words, the man is a poet.

At least nobody crapped on the floor in this episode.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Metafore "Nah Mean"

I am surprised this kat did not have a hit with this track. Of course if you are a west coast resident (and Cot damn How could Hill take Cali over Obama?) you will probably not get this song for another couple months, but trust me, they should be banging it in the clubs.

And the video is something pleasant to look at, Nah mean?

(Blog has been edited) This is why I should not post after a sleepless night!

Monday, February 04, 2008

Is 18-1 perfection suckers???

I took absolute delight last week in hearing that the Boston Globe had started taking pre-orders for a Book about the Pats football season called '19-0'. I was also tickled to hear that the request had been put in to trademark '19-0'. But what I found even better was that the NY Post then applied to trademark 18-1. Bloody fun back and forth.

I really, really love when ESPN starts running their 'best team ever' graphics, invariably the team seems to fail. Yes I know that if you have read this blog ever, you know I still gloat over TEXAS BEAT USC (SUCK IT TROJANS)!

What I found appalling in its silliness, was that for a couple days last week ESPN tried to sell sport fans that Tom Brady was much more dominant in his sport than Tiger was in golf! Let me say this now, there is no athlete as dominant as Tiger.

Brady as good as he is, was not the record breaker till he got Moss. Think about it, Brady is good, but it is not like he is not surrounded by weapons, Moss, Welker, Stallworth, Maroney, etc.

Woods is a solo act, hell he is an entity to be honest, Golfers come and go and he still endures, heck for awhile Mickleson even said Tiger was using inferior equipment and yet he was still winning.

No one is as good as Tiger, I never thought I would see an athlete as dominant as Jordan, but I think Tiger is that good, peeps wanted to see history with a 19-0 team. I am telling you, you see it every time Tiger swings a club!


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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.