Infrequently updated consistently funny

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Of rental cars and Street scene

So I rented a car for next weekend and because my local (downtown/Airport) rental location did not have a car at a time I wanted I checked their other location just 2 miles away note TWO not 20 miles away. Now I have a car for an extra day because the cost of renting for 2 days from the non-airport location is so much cheaper that having the car for 2 days is still less than I would pay for having the car for one day if I rented from the airport location.

This now makes me wonder how much I have over-paid in the past by renting from airport locations...thieving bastards. I mean the cost disparity is not even CLOSE. The second bonus is; by renting from the NON-airport location they will actually pick me up at my home whereas the airport location requires that I come in to pick my car up...why again would I ever rent from that location again?

Street scene, so many of my San Diego local friends know that I was practically trying to give away my street scene tickets. No one wanted tickets, even at almost 50% off. I read some reviews of this year's show and I can see that the problems I faced were shared by all. Street scene was empty this year. Maybe live nation will take the hint, and not move the damn STREET SCENE into Chula Vista at Coors and not try to get uppity and remove hip hop from the scene.

Look I can understand if you want to limit a genre, but when the lineup was originally released the only hip hop act was MIMS and if you check in the hood many would disagree with his classification as a hip hop artist. Just a thought for the future...mix it up a bit and bring it back downtown to the STREET!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Happy Birthday to...

ME. A new year, same great guy...filled with modesty.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Pre-pre Birthday Celebrations; foie gras and Kobe beef

Will blog more, tired now (I know I say that every time and never do but this time I will try). Stingaree was fun, mad chicks, will I call? Maybe. Mad love to Milton for taking me out, props to the girls for showing me a good time.

Smooth nights always start with good friends and good drinks. Good nights also end with the ability to take someone home. Great nights end with you making the right decision.

Tonight was a GREAT night! More to come (or maybe not).

Hmm should add this part
Her: "You should take us back to your place"
Me: "Uhmm no, that is ok I am just going to go home alone"
Her: "No take us home with you"
Me: (Faking answering the phone) "Oh you need help at your place?" "Sorry, y'all I am not going home nice to meet you" (sudden running)

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Pre-pre-pre-Birthday celebrations

Much love and props to my boys S. Assassin and 'Of the' Gaizo for taking me out for a great steak dinner and drinks. Props to Dan and his chiquita, for enticing me with a beer and good conversation. Final props to Noli for hooking me up with entry to the club and free drinks. Great start to the celebration that is my birthday weekend.

I always forget that once I shave up and dress up, that I "actually clean up nicely" met a fun chick, BUT like my post of a week or so ago said, I am simplifying my life, so even though I had the opportunity to get her number I told her I was not going to take it. You might ask why, and even if you did not I will tell you. I did not take it because I knew I would never call her, so no sense in getting her number just to assuage my ego.

Ok tomorrow the fun continues, Stingaree, dinner and then DJ AM. spins, thats right he is spinning just for my birthday...ok maybe not, but it works in my head. (I should warn you, if you cannot drink tomorrow might be the wrong crowd for you)

Sunday is sushi...just a heads up for anyone who might be interested.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Harry potter gangster!


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I had to post this cause I know many read the books and watch the Movies.

Always sunny and more college football rules

Hahah just when I thought 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' could not raise the bar any higher (or lower) depending on your views they rejoiced over the death of the Mom and I could not stop laughing...I know, I know it sounds horrible but you have to see it, it was bloody funny, kind of like me trying to see how long I can take this sentence without putting a period on it, kind of like those run ons that the characters on the show enjoy.

Espn has updated their list of rules for college football fans...I like #100, take that you Damn GOLDEN BEARS!
Just a couple...

97. You cannot, under any circumstances, attempt to castrate a fan of a rival school (even if you are a church deacon). (lgrothues)

100. Unless you matriculated and graduated from Stanford, Cal Tech, MIT or an Ivy League school, you may not use your alma mater's scholastic excellence as a valid excuse for crappy football. (That means you, Michigan, Notre Dame and Cal.)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Sixth Texas Player arrested since June

Wow we might not be number one in the polls, but we are definitely number one in any lineup.

Why can't these guys just do something simple like make a 7th floor crew and embarrass our program that way.

"Whats up with partner, Where he live, Where he stay at
Where the ice, where the bread, where the cake at?
I'm telling you man you don't want it with dem boyz,
Everyone of them got felonies man!
I'm slap me a ni$$a, befoe its over with,
I'm rush me a ni$$a, befoe its over with,
Duct tape me a ni$$a, befoe its over with,
I'm bust me a ni$$a, befoe its over with." --Felonies by Boyz N Da Hood

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Simplifying my life before my birthday.

Deleting phone numbers, cutting down acquaintances (keeping only friends), throwing away anything in my home that is superfluous and getting rid of emotions in friendships. One week and a day to my Birthday, most peeps make their resolutions on New Year's eve, I do it for each year of my life. Each year on this earth I have to make myself a better person and things around me better.

If I do not answer your call next weekend do not be offended, I am probably laying low NOT PARTYING, I have no plans for the weekend and I think I like it that way.


Friday, September 14, 2007

As if their was not enough current fodder against the Patriots

Check out this picture of their 'star' running back rocking Kool aid bling.

He should be benched one game, just for that.

Alright, Alright Before someone else brings it up

Another Texas player got in trouble with the cops, making it 5 arrests since June!

Hahah, just a further guarantee that we are a big time player. Hopefully when we go to Dallas for the OU game no one gets caught in a hotel room with hookers and know what I am talking about MICHAEL!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Free passes to 24 fitness!

I have some free passes for 24 fitness, if you turn them in by Thursday you get a month free, otherwise they are still good for a free week.

They are valid for the Horton plaza location which is a sport location (hot tub, steam room and sauna facilities)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

All you can eat steak Tomorrow

For lunch time...if you know my digits call me and meet up.

Just another reason why as a Longhorn I have problems respecting Aggies!

"Reveille, the first lady of Aggieland, is the official mascot of Texas A&M University. She is the highest ranking member of the Corps of Cadets, and she is a Five-Star General." This might sound like me taking a jab at the Aggies but this is actually from their own website!


Just a little more..."Reveille is the most revered dog on campus. Company E-2 has the privilege of taking care of Reveille. If she is sleeping on a cadet's bed, that cadet must sleep on the floor. Cadets address Reveille as "Miss Rev, ma'am." If she is in class and barks while the professor is teaching, the class is to be immediately dismissed."

Way to put that education first.


Sunday, September 09, 2007

"It's Britney Bitch!"

Now I understand why she starts her single off with that line, when you watch just how crappy and sluggish her performance was at the start of the VMAs it makes sense that she has to remind us of who she is, since she appears to be a completely different person from the "barbie doll" that she used to be.

I refuse to call her fat like so many others are, cause I think she just lacks toning, what I will call her is idiotic for donning an outfit like that when the last thing peeps remember of her performing was as a "sexay young thang" with a python and ripped abs.

I absolutely loved the looks on the faces of the audience, Rihanna was laughing her head off, 50c was bewildered and Puffy just looked like he wanted to be any where but on camera at that moment.

Seriously can we stop giving Sarah Silverman hosting gigs...she is just not that funny and does not have the charisma to host a show...let us just send her back to the status of "Jimmy Kimmel's kind of funny girlfriend." Time we remember that just saying something 'shocking' is not automatically funny.

I must say that I love hearing that Tommy Lee and Kid Rock are fighting
over Pam Anderson...not even sure of what joke to drop here since everything flooding through my head is completely inappropriate and involves strippers/whores and dollar bills.

Come on Kanye, another tantrum? It has become as predictable as my calling Paris Hilton promiscuous.

Some props. Mad props to Asafa Powell for lowering the World Record again. A Jamaican holds the record ALONE again and it is now 9.74

Props to the Horns for winning the latest Battle for Texas.

Props to the Cowboys for taking care of that team from NY...the dwarfs.

Walking 5 blocks

100% worth playing an awesome practical joke on a friend.

Seeing them take it badly...icing on the cake.

Seeing their nostrils flare while the group laughs, guaranteed residual chuckles for weeks.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

What the blankity blank is wrong with the NFL and NBC

Are you kidding me? Opening game of the bloodclaut new NFL season and you start of with Kelly Clarkson, Faith Hill (damn she is fine) and John (I used to be a cougar) Mellencamp as your opening entertainment acts? Who are you programming for? The 2% of the south that does not know real country so it accepts Faith Hill as country? None of the "Real" men I know are excited to see any of the above 3 perform, in fact to be honest most times I do not even care about the musical acts, but if we must have them couldn't we have something a little more relevant to those of us who like sports?

I am not even going to suggest musical acts that I would actually like to see cause there are so many, but I wonder who got rejected to have the list end at these three.

Did Britney Spears pick MTV over this because she didn't want anyone to realize that the most violent thing happening on the field would not be defensive players crashing into Qbs but rather her trying to harmonize?

Seriously where on earth did they dig up Mellencamp from? I figured he was too busy doing Chevy ads to be relevant on the musical landscape anymore.

Ok venting over, time to enjoy some football.

Go COWBOYS, GO HORNS and GO VINCE YOUNG...let the world know that at least one running black Qb is not crazy enough to bet on dog fighting, or have to run from the cops!


Texas for life!

College football rules to live by...

Espn has come up with some college football rules. I am proud to say I have followed most of them.

Below is just a sampling of some of the rules that cracked me up. Ah Cal v Stanford.

35. If your significant other went to a rival school, no sex on rivalry game day.

35a. If your significant other went to a rival school, all wagers should involve sex.

35b. If rule 35a is in effect, waive rule 35.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Cleavage control clip!

Man they will sell anything nowadays!

Basically you get a plastic clip to make your boobs bigger...nice...anyone who buys this, I have a golden bridge to sell you in Northern California

Saturday, September 01, 2007


Maryam and Joe

First Saturday in September...

Yes it is 24 days to my birthday, but more importantly it is the unofficial start of College Football.

I know some games were played on Thursday but the First Saturday in September is almost like Christmas to me.

Weird day though, I have my good friend's wedding today. His wedding 'kicksoff' right around the same time that Texas starts its march to the National title.

Love my peeps to death, but if you know me YOU KNOW I will be tracking that game throughout the ceremony. Thankfully we are playing a cream-puff team so I have no fear of having to track a Texas comeback and screaming out "yes" in excitement...since with my luck it would be right at the moment that the question is asked "Does anyone here have any objections?"

CONGRATS AGAIN JOE and thanks for not having your wedding during TEXAS/OU weekend.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.