Infrequently updated consistently funny

Sunday, October 31, 2004


just a friendly reminder to USD law students.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

An apology for 2nite!

To all my fellow students and those who went to the party I am sorry that the crap happened tonight: It was obviously not something I could control but since my group was in charge I will take as much heat as anyone wants to give me. We will make it up to yall. That kid Mike J if its legit better in my opinion quit our law school ASAP; his actions and the actions of his friends cost almost 700 students a night of fun and cost the SBA a potential outlay of almost $20,000 at present, thankfully some of that money should come back in to us but when how etc? Kid, who goes to a bar and throws cups at the bartender are u retarded or just plain stupid? Damn its 4.30am and I am still mad. This is what makes me know God watches over me; if I had found that kid while I was roaming through the crowd looking for him with a golf club I dont think I would be allowed to type on my laptop in jail. Lets be honest no one there would have been able to talk sense into any of us that had caught that kid immediately. Seriously kid after the honor ct is done with you and the school attaches their comments to the bars professional responsibility questions what are you going to do you would have wasted 3 years of law school just to hear "Your an ass and cant join our profession" Once again to my law school peeps I apologise and hope to take care of you ASAP.

- One night of looking like a superstar plus a round of drinking and clearing an event of 600 disgruntled patients equals a $20,000 headache

Friday, October 29, 2004

R Kelly did it Y not me?

So I got in trouble with the ladies because my origianl costume idea was to go as R Kelly: I had planned to carry a lil doll with me to entice the younguns and a squirt bottle so that every time I saw a girl I could squirt yellow fluid on her but for some reason people thought that, that might be offensive. Whats wrong with dripping all over someone...we are all adults...its just a joke!


So just another night that I am going to bed confused about women: I spoke to different peeps about different things at different times and all I got from 3 different conversations was confusion. From 1 who should know better I got lectured; from one who knew I was too tired for jokes I got played with; and from 1 who knew I didn't want a serious conversation I got a long meaningful discussion. So anyway vote or die? This is an amazing election just based on the mobilization of the youth vote; its something wonderful to see though all the slogans have me scratching my head: VOTE OR DIE? A lil harsh I think but it seems to be effective...Anyway since I cant vote (felons should be able to vote by the way they have seen the world at its worst in prison - they prolly have a good idea on social infrastructure) I will plug something we can all vote on: The most risque (skankiest ho) outfit for halloween. I will be taking suggestions from yall tomorrow night as to who we should pick out for the finalists.
-----Halloween shopping is tough: My outfit requires that I shop for the clothing in the womens section and damn women have small shoulders and narrow hips makes it so hard to find a good selection.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Hey sometimes power is good...

We have added another category to the halloween party list; there will now be a prize for the most Risque costume...most of yall are smart enough to know what this category essentially boils down to...

Halloween great tradition...

Halloween is fast becoming one of my favorite times of the year: now I did not celebrate it back in the day growing up on the isle. But I must admit hearing all the plans that peeps are throwing down; this years halloween is going to be mad fun. Now my brothers and sisters we should band together and demand that the SBA (and yes I know Im VP) create a skankiest costume award. It could be softened by calling it the most risque or whatever but seriously how can the law school give away 4 categories of prizes and not have one for the skimpiness of a costume? After all isnt that what law school halloween is all about, ladies going as bare as they dare and the gentlemen trying to trip peeps out by being as original as possible? Well I guess its time that the Calijamaican takes a stand: I think I will have to bust out the schools credit card and go shopping for a prize for the outfit that I think is most deserving of our/my approval. I dont normally ask for comments but what do u my people think should we award the "most risque"?
"That isnt in the play book, but it should be!" By the way phones work 2 ways...
I should prolly check this post for errors since Im going on 48 hours w/o sleep but ha whats the point I cant spell on a full night of sleep. Oh and no one tell the treasurer that I took the credit card.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Mine doesnt do that!

From Cnet A developer in Tokyo has created an add-on for Vodafone handsets that's meant to be used as a night filter to let people take pictures with their phones in the dark.
- Unfortunately, the night vision camera has an unexpected side effect, according to Japanese developer Yamada Denshi...As well as taking snaps in the dark, the Yamada Denshi infrared filter apparently sees through people's clothes.
- The problem arises because the filter uses the distribution of heat to create its pictures. When attached to a high-end camera, the filter can see though certain kinds of clothing and is reportedly particularly effective on dark bikinis.
The handset most often used with the filter--the V602-SH--is only available in Japan.
Seriously the leon budweiser ads have got to be some of the funniest ads out right now. And in the chicken fight I have my money on SPICY tendercrisp

Saturday, October 23, 2004

The W's

Women, Wonderment, Waste, Wow, Wacky, Wierd, Westside, Word? Weak? Willing? Why?

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Ding Dong the witch is dead...

So boston finally played David and slayed Goliath...bout damn time. Still rooting for H-town to win it all though but damn as a certified hater of the Yanks I'm just happy to not see them in the World Series. So I'm doing my usual insomniac trip through the TV channels and right now Im watching BET directed videos I have ever seen in my life hahah nothing like soft core in my videos. I think for half of them the choreographer said to the young ladies just act as skanky as u can. And the lyrics are awesome..."Is that your man forget it...Im standing by the bar parrot toed bow-legged so he gone come get it" - lyrical.
I thought I sounded sarcastic when giving warnings in SBA meetings but, the announcer that says the following program is for mature audiences snickers before she says "and contains material that some viewers might find offensive" Practically sounds like, if your going to be offended by these videos go to sleep. Lesson to the general public: songs with the words "ass" "tits" or a deleted word (&*$@) in the title are typically not classic songs that you will sing years from now to your children...Splash waterfalls baby...You got that bomb ass pu@#$

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

I hate the Yanks?

Yes its true I hate the yanks. This is a rough series for me, because I'm not that big a fan of the Sox either but I really hate the yanks. Now I know this post season it has become fashionable to jump on the anti yankees band wagon, but my hatred of the yanks is not a fly by night loathing its a deep seated I hate you cause you had David Justice and u beat the Braves in the world series hatred. But now I'm seeing all these faux red sox supporters and all these I hate the yanks attitude from peeps that dont even like baseball. Come on son keep it real. When I ask you why you hate the yanks your response should not be "Just cause" or " I hate carrots" (Chapelle reference) Have a reason and dont quote Ben Affleck. (Dont get me wrong I think the yanks are good for baseball, we all need a team to root against a team to challenge a team that forces other teams to play better.) The team I would love to see win it all right now since my team is out is the Astros. Yes I want to see Boston beat the yanks but after that I would love to see the sox swept. They need that curse to fulfill their fans lives, if Boston wins what else would they have bitter people need bitter pills to swallow and a world series loss is a very big pill...Oh and that new key chain that you can use to turn of any TV, your an asshole if you walk around turning of people's televisions especially at this time of the year, I dont care if the inventor has not owned a TV since 1980 thats his choice to stay out of touch with the world let the rest of us have our fun.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Cant hide in plain sight...

"How can I possibly, be inconspicuous
When my flow is just so ridiculous?
That's rite an accent, see Im from the south
Where some of the most beautiful things come out my mouth
And Im on stage just as soon as I come out the house
So I might as well give them somethin' to talk about
Cee-Lo: 'I'll be around'"

To all my peeps if you wanna stay secretive and not bring your conflicts into the public front, bar review is not the spot for you to be. Alcohol + smoking + loud music = confessions that u regret the next day. Must say I love watching the various hookups and lovers quarrels that occur at bar review. Keeping it stone cold...though as my guidance counsellor said long ago should something arise while dancing pull her in close so that she knows whats there between you supposedly women love that?...ah yes I miss high school.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Happy Birthday girls...

Happy birthdays Tiffany and Jeniffer

Thursday, October 14, 2004


Yes I know it looks bad but I'm only saying that they should because I'm concerned about their health...Moderate drinking in older adult women has
positive influence on memory, University of Texas at Austin
nursing researcher says in new study
September 29, 2004
AUSTIN, Texas—Moderate alcohol consumption among older adult women—two or fewer drinks a day—can benefit memory, according to recent findings by a University of Texas at Austin nursing researcher...“Moderate drinkers reported less depression, had higher self-reported health, performed better on instrumental everyday tasks, had stronger memory self-efficacy and improved memory performance,” said McDougall...Women who moderately drank alcohol also performed better on attention, concentration, psychomotor skills, verbal-associative capacities and oral fluency.
Those who drank were more likely to be married than non-drinkers, while the non-drinkers were more likely to be widowed.
The average education of non-drinkers was 13 years compared with 15 years for drinkers.
- Kinnda strange that the non drinkers were more likely to be widowed. Could it be that they didnt drink enough to mellow out so they nagged their men to death? Whatever the case is: to all those women who throughout the years thought I was just trying to get you drunk no baby gurrl I was just trying to keep you healthy.

Can this be right? Say it aint so...

So I just saw a news clip and I had to research it myself online. This study that I will cut and paste in later, flys against all the social studies that I have observed throughout my years of visiting bars and going to parties. Drinkers of the world can this be right? Am I just a sexist and unable to handle a study that I as a male thought would never be released: Here is text from BBC's article "Women 'better at holding drink' - Women are 'more relaxed' after drinking than men
Some men may not want to hear this - but scientists have found women are better at holding their drink.
Kentucky University researchers found men's loss of inhibition was three times greater than women's with the same blood alcohol levels."
Though I do like the end of the article: "A spokeswoman for Alcohol Concern told BBC News Online: "We need to see more evidence to back these conclusions up."" Like tough crowd w/ Colin Quin showed when discussing this a great example to counter the above argument is popping in a girls gone wild tape...Doesnt seem like they are holding their drink that well now huh...

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

What were u thinking when u came to class like that?
pic by soulman

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Superman dies/Child fondler freed

Wierd day, Christopher Reeves aka Superman died last night. Yes I know its ironic that superman died fairly young (52) and yes I know its ironic that superman could not walk anymore. But, beyond the irony I always thought that it was one of the more depressing things to see, a man who as a child I thought was indestructible and was the epitomy of power and strength, hobbled by a fall from a horse. So many peeps fall from horses and pop right back up but in an ironic twist of faith the man who so many wanted to be like became a man who so many pitied. R.I.P Mr. Reeves you will be missed. (on a side note Reeves was a part of a hilarious comedy movie back in the day sorry i do not know the name but in the movie the spouses wanted to rid themselves of each other through rather hilarious means - find it, watch it, u will like it). Mary K. Letourneau is a free woman today how is it that this woman is receiving sympathy and is on Larry King? I believe in prison rehabilitation etc but rehabilitation does not mean that you instantly come out a saint. She had sex with her 12 year old student had a baby by him when he was 13 this is a filthy woman. She was given a 2nd chance by the judge and went back to the boy this is while she already had 4 older children by another man. How could u do such a thing? She had 2 kids by a 13 year old! Now lets be real there is often sadly a bias against women in this world (and thats sad - we are all equal jokes aside) but if a man had pulled this stunt the world would have called for his head. Think about it a male teacher having sex with a 13 yr old student and getting her pregnant 2xs, hell in some states he might be castrated.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Can U of Co do anything right?

Seriously can the U of Colorado do anything right? Now there is a report that the pledge that was passed out and died had racial and other slurs marked all over him. The frat tied their pledges up and left them in the woods after forcing them to drink large amounts of whiskey and wine. When the 18 yr old was tested in the morning he had a BAC 4 times the limit for driving (an 18yr old). I am a big proponent of tradition in fact I think mild hazing is good, but, forcing young kids to drink tonnes of alcohol and tying them up and placing them in the woods in COLORADO is plain dumb! Something is wrong with that university from football all the way down.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

TEXAS V ou week!

This is our week baybee this is the week that Tx returns to national prominence. National media my friends everyone is rooting again Tx but we all know that this is the year of the HORNS. I miss hearing these sweet cheers:
"Yea Orange! Yea White!
Yea Longhorns! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Texas Fight! Texas Fight,
Yea Texas Fight!"

SCREAM IT YALL: "Give 'em hell, Give 'em hell, OU Sucks!"
At the end of the game all the longhorns for the 1st time in years will be able to rise and sing with victorious pride:
The Eyes of Texas are upon you,
All the live long day.
The Eyes of Texas are upon you,
You can not get away.
Do not think you can escape them
At night or early in the morn-
The Eyes of Texas are upon you
'Till Gabriel blows his horn.

Oh and if Tx beats OU I will root my heart out for Cal, but if the heavens cave and we lose its F U CAL

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Cell phones need upgrades...

I cant be the only one that this happens to. You save a number and sometimes along with the name at a party or event and then later in the week or sometimes 3 months later u see the person and cant say hi because even though u have their name and number in your phone U have no clue what their name is and u cant call them cause U cant find them. Cell phones should have an option that shows you the last numbers saved and the exact times when they were saved. So If you see a number saved on say Friday 1Am you know what occured when that was added etc. Phones should also have an option to split numbers in your phone book into a guy list and a girl list, it would save so much time when scrolling through looking for someone to call during certain moments of life.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Support cancer research

Just saw an ad that said that top designers will be selling their shoes half off on QVC tomorrow (Wednesday) and sending their proceeds to cancer research. So if u need designer shoes etc it would be great if you could order them from QVC. Sorry I cant tell u what channel QVC is though but Im sure your cable guide will list it.

Finally alot of peeps have been ?tioning the fact that people wear yellow wrist bands and that in many it just seems like a fashion statement. Well as someone who wears the band in honor of a loved one let me say, I'm fine with peeps wearing the yellow band even if its just for fashion, hopefully their wearing it will push the need for funding and support in themselves and others for cancer research.

UN Tennis tournament

So a Jamaican, 2 Iranians and a Chinese man were playing sounds like the start of a joke but its legit it really happened. I would love to play tennis against anyone thats willing to play. 'K' i'm calling you out stop ducking and lets play. Saw today that one of my favourite Kanye West Songs has a video out, "work out plan" really funny video w/ Anna Nicole Smith and Dianna Ross' daughter not sure if I like the F. Bentley remix portion that has been added but otherwise its a great track check it out if u can whenever MTV plays music. Can anyone help me in tax? admin law? corps? and IP? Seriously 2nd year law school seems like a foreign country and its one that I definitely dont speak the language for.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Drugs for all

Has anyone noticed that there is a drug for everything now? Hypo: Do U wake up in the morning...yes! Do you find that you dread going to school at least 2xs a week...yes Do you find that you get bored in TAX class...Yes Do you find that when you get home you dont want to do anythig but watch tv...yes. Then you might be suffering from a disease we just made up and got approved by the FDA: L.B.S. (lazy bastard syndrome)Ask your doctor about...and the new drug hits the market. The funniest parts of the new ads have got to be the endings with the warnings. If you have an erection for more than 4 hours consult your doctor? If you have an erection for more than 4 hours and need to be told to go seek a doctor, U R TOO DUMB TO BE HAVING SEX quit now, we cant take the chance of you reproducing.

Is your kid stoned?

11 MILLION American kids are on drugs; and no they are not on the old school drugs like weed and glue or higlighter pens, no they are on the new drug of choice prozac. How can 11 million kids need prozac, this number does not include the kids that are strung out on Ritalin. What happened to the war on drugs...all the money that is gone into fighting the spread of weed probably should be spent on counseling parents to get their damn kids of the new crack. Now I know some kids will need prozac but not 11 million. By the way to give you an idea of how significant that number is here are some US census figures: 53.3 million children ages 5 to 17 as of July 1, 2003 (see I can do research). So basically 1 in 5 kids are on prozac. Now kids will continue to smoke weed; does anyone know what weed + prozac will do to these lil shorties coming up? I have never been a smoker but lets face it most of my friends are and Im fine with that in fact I love that, I think some of the best peeps on earth are weed smokers and some of the most mellow. Yet those are the same peeps that big governemnt will attack while helping to push crap like prozac down the throats of kids and adults. I would rather see more peeps on weed than on prozac, at least I know the weed is herbal and natural and no one ever has OD on it. Heck if I was hostess cupcakes I would make the cupcake paper out of blunt paper and just corner the market.

Friday, October 01, 2004

Too bloody early!

OK SO Im cool with yalls drunk asses calling me late at night, for me 2am is not that late at night, but what I cant stand is when u decide to call me back early in the morning to apologise. DAMN IT if u messed up late at night DONT make it worse by robbing me of any chance of sleep by calling multiple times in the morning to apologise. Please please please dont make me tell u where to put that phone and how to answer it. Man I need sober friends...then again R they any fun? Sober friends are great to have (gotta add that b4 I get attacked again...)

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.