Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

FEMA stages fake news conference

Ok so this news is a couple days old but still funny to me. FEMA in response to the Cali wild-fires held a news conference...With one major catch. THERE WERE NO NEWS REPORTERS in the conference.

FEMA is so stupidly run, it almost makes me wonder why we bother to have it at all. What is the sense of a disaster agency that acts like a disaster? If we have to spend so much time watching over FEMA is it really of any use to us?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

What is with the spitting?

So first Pumkin did it on Flavor of Love 1 and now Tailor Made did it on I love NY. Is there some racial component I am missing? Is there some punk-bitch gene that I miss why I find this completely reprehensible? I have definitely been in situations where I have wanted to do something to someone that is so much bigger than me that I know they would wreck me in a real fight, yet I have never thought to spit on them.

Hmm, who knows maybe it is because my parents raised me to respect everyone. There are no such people as the little people. Just small-minded people.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

"A shot at Herpes with Tila Tequila"

Just finished watching 'A shot at herpes with Tila Tequila' (I have been told that that is not the real title, but I have to think that was the original title until someone in production went "Hey that might not make it past the censors") and damn that show is nasty!

I have to say, if you are on a show, where you are trying to get with a claimed bi-sexual, it might not be the wisest thing to make-out with your competition and probably bang your other competition. Lots of peeps talk about sleeping their way to the top, but sleeping your way to the bottom? STUPID!

This is definitely one of the weirdest shows I have seen recently, and that is saying something when I am a publicly declared proud fan of 'I love NY'.

Looking at Tila Tequila, I gotta say...I do not get it...what is the fascination peeps have with her?

Sorry coz, hope my TV choices do not scare you re your upcoming trip!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Mini fire update...

Unfortunately homes in Poway are burning, Solana beach and Mira Mesa were both evacuated. And amazingly Del-Mar has been threatened. The fires seem to be everywhere, I have never been more thankful that I live downtown.

The latest fire map can be found here (sorry I do not know how to post pdf images in blogger). If you look at the map, you will see how crazy the level of evacuation is. 100s of thousands of acres have been burned, over a quarter million people have been displaced, everything is covered in ash, I thought the Cedar fires were some of the craziest things I would ever see in terms of fire...looks like I was wrong.

My prayers go out to all!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Fire map updates!

Unfortunately some assholes have started additional fires. Anyway, this map is a few hours old but it gives an idea of all the craziness. Solana beach, scripps, poway, Rancho B, Mira Mesa have all either been evacuated or on an evacuation alert

View Larger Map

Sunday, October 21, 2007

My eyes are burning, I am sneezing and the air around me is thick

San Diego has 2 major fires burning. Downtown and the East Village are surrounded in smoke and unfortunately it seeps in everywhere...all my windows are closed and yet still I cannot stop inhaling the damn smoke.

I am hoping for the best for my friends who have had to pack up and evacuate, I pray that your stuff remains safe, but more importantly I pray for your safety.

I hope these fires are brought under control soon.

For those who need more information, emergency info and evacuation notices are posted here

Map of the various So Cal Fires...thanks Becky!

Cal v UCLA also known as...

How to spend a Saturday having peeps scream out "Texas?" at you because you are wearing orange. Too lazy and tired to blog now but, it was a great game. Rough loss for Cal, good comeback for UCLA.

And let me say it now, if everyone in the Pac 10 ends up with a conference loss "NO ONE IN THE PAC 10 deserves to play in the Rose Bowl." No team that loses to Notre Dame this year should play in a BCS bowl...I would have said the same thing about losing to Stanford but I reserve judgment on that while they appear to be winning a bit. So if UCLA comes out as the top team in the Pac 10, they should get the holiday bowl!
--Then again even if UCLA goes to the Rose Bowl they will lose it so what the hell, at least that way they will not have to travel back home to cry.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Word of the day...inquietude

As in, the Cali-J is suffering from inquietude at the thought of his baby-cousin being here for a weekend with the SSV!

I swear that if any of my reprobate friends calls my cousin a callipygian, this sesquipedalian will consider it perfidious and have to hit them so hard they will never be an osculator.

Time to put on the good-coz hat and pretend that my weekends are quiet affairs.

Hahah it is just my luck that the weekend my Coz and the SSV happen to be in town is also H-ween weekend...And I am the moron who suggested we hit up a H-ween party...I need a time machine.


Thursday, October 18, 2007

My Halloween Costume

So I finally picked up my Halloween costume. I originally wanted to go as Pooh Bear (I loved the books as a kid, and if you did not like to walk around talking about rumblings in your tummy and dreaming about getting your hand stuck in a honey pot, or wondering if you could get stuck in a hole cause your baby fat was rounding out nicely ---then you did not live) but that plan fell apart when a good pooh costume became impossible to find and cost prohibitive to have one sent to me b4 the first set of parties that I will be hitting up.

So I picked up a home-made costume from La Mesa (by the way La Mesa is barely San Diego, I do not care what their urban planners say) and I like it because it is simple and I am not the biggest fan of having to dress up, hence I was going with the simplicity of just throwing on a Pooh costume.

I like the costume but there is one MAJOR on earth do I pee when wearing it? This is not even a lift the leg up and go costume, or a roll down the front flap discreetly like some of my other costumes. This is a full on, you have to take this sucker off completely to micturate. Now I know for most peeps this would not be a problem, you would just hold it all night, but for me this is a CALAMITY!

Here is the problem: My body cannot hold alcohol, all my friends know, the minute I drink any alcohol I immediately have to relieve is already looking like a dry H-ween for me, either that or it is going to get really awkward in the men's room when I start stripping in front of a urinal, if I cannot get a stall. I just have to remember not to tap my feet next time I am in there.

Of Knives and pain

So I cook alot, no secret there, but I rarely nick myself with knives (for the amount I cook I have been fairly lucky) so when I cut myself I am usually pretty surprised. Today I managed to slice my thumb at the point that connects it to the rest of my hand. Instant pain, but as usual my first reaction is not to immediately take care of the cut but instead to make sure no blood gets near the food and that what I was prepping can be left alone for enough time for me to take care of the hand.

If you have never gotten cut in that groove let me tell you IT SUCKS. Every bloody thumb movement causes pain. Weird thing is, the knife I was using is practically as sharp and as thin as a scalpel, so you can barely see the wound, in fact shortly after cleaning it up I had a hard time finding it while staring at my hand then I moved my thumb and a thin line of blood suddenly appeared and I went "Ah there it is!"

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Could the government be using Odonata Anisoptera for spying?

Dragonflies, to those who didn't have to sift through west Texas mud as part of completing their major.

Apparently rumors are flying that the government is going to use bug-spy equipment, basically the idea is to make spy equipment that will look like insects...that is so bloody awesome and so bloody scary all at the same time.

By the way, I have always thought that Odonata specifically Zygoptera and Anisoptera are some of the coolest things on earth. Next time you see one, take some time to consider, just how awesome it is. Image of a Dragonfly from Romania

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Cal loss, and partying with my brother!

An amazing thing about Cal losses, when Cal loses, almost immediately the cell phones of my Cal friends fail to work...almost miraculous. Of course when Texas suffers the occasional defeat the phones seem to work well enough to call me pretty much instantly. But I bear no grudges, hearing this from my friend let me realize just how much this loss broke my friends' spirits "I cannot come out tonight I am so depressed I just realized we will never ever be #1." Well he might be right, but it is pretty funny to see them come back to reality...even though Cal is my favorite West Coast team, I know and many of their 'honest' fans know, they have the WORST fans in the nation and they did not deserve to be #1...I dreaded hanging around them if they had been #1.

I will be at the CAL v UCLA game, so hit me up if you will be there.

It was amazing partying with my bro tonight, to see him work the crowd like a pro, like a relaxed pimp. But the most amazing part was to see him pick up women younger than the ones that were with me. This is not to say that he was taking home some young skank, what it means is that the women I was talking to were WAY TOO DAMN OLD! What has happened to me, older women are now drawn to me like a moth to a flame.

56-3. THE HORNS ARE BACK (even if it was just Iowa State)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Beach Booze Ban...why must we always over-react?

San Diego is again considering banning alcohol on all beaches, 365, 24/7. As a citizen of a country that does not have such restrictions I am always amazed at how these things get so over-blown. I was on the beach for Labor day and say the things that led to the Labor day riot that is now triggering the over-reaction. I can tell you much of this was due to the cops' failure to control situations. What typically happens is that they clamp down too hard on some peeps and let others get to the point where only a spark is needed to cause a riot.

I am watching the San Diego news as I blog, It has become a nightly comedy for me (whenever I remember to catch it). They just described 5 kids getting Chicken pox in Santee as an EPIDEMIC! Fans of hyperbole much? I mean come on NBC, when I was 10, 6 kids in my prep school got chicken pox, 2 were my friends should I have been immediately quarantined? Did I survive the great epidemic, the plague of the Liguanea Plains?

So the main reason I am watching is because they previewed "Phantom phone vibrations" and I had to watch it cause I "SUFFER FROM IT" (sorry had to use exclamations - never know I might need to audition to work for NBC)

Of course there is a Panda story, there is always a Panda story. If you have ever seen Anchorman and thought it was all a comedy YOU ARE is basically a documentary on San Diego news, only problem their newscast was much more serious than the drivel we really have.

This is Raider's week, and the news is begging the SD fans to not sell their tix to Raider's fans, but as the newscaster rightly said "It is probably already too late to tell you that"

Our news SUCKS! I am glad that we rarely have violent crimes here in SD, but I wish they would just be honest about it and cut the news down to 15 minutes or if we must keep it half an hour, show some international news (we do border an international country after all) or some National news.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Happy Birthday to...

I love you Sir, many happy returns!

See what happens when your wife is a "Whooourree"

Props to Bex for sending me this! So this dude after 15 years of marriage, puts his wife's face on his back only to find out she is cheating on him!

My rule is, never go permanent on something that is not!

Granted much in that article seems strange, like the fact that the cheating wife is posing with the cuckolded hubbie then wearing the same dress and make up she is posing with the boy-toy. Clearly all the pix were done on the same day and there is no way I could pose with the woman who cheats on me and moves her new man into MY HOME!

Pleasantly surprised

That UT did not fall out of the Top 25. Laughing my head off at USC losing to Stanford. Shaking my head at UCLA losing to Notre Dame. Not sure how I feel about Cal moving all the way up to #2...this could after all be one of the sign of the apocalypse?

I will be at the Cal v UCLA game if anyone else is going to be there, holla at me!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Aaron D in VIP...v 2.43456s

So Aaron D and Dan the wilderness man AKA Short Sasquatch were hanging out tonight and as has been the trend for the last couple weeks, Aaron D ended up in VIP. Of course I pulled my boy Dan in and from there the night went south so fast you would have thought we were Britney Spears trying to potty train her kids.

We drank all night and had crazy, random, drunk and stoned chicks all around us. Props to my old classmate Joe for hooking us up with the VIP status. Props to chick in the 'barely there' dress for the show. Props to H2O2 for providing the disinfectant for my knuckles cause I am no punk and will never go out like one.

My knuckles might be sore, but my pride is intact and if you do not know what that means, think about it,

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Did you know the sky is blue? Oh and Marion Jones cheats

Oh and in other news you already knew, Marion Jones took steroids: She just finally admitted it!

Even before there was any major suggestion that she was on roids, my mom called it, upon seeing Jones set foot on the track. In a non too pc fashion my mom immediately declared "She looks exactly like a man, she has to be on something".

Then Jones proceeded to tear up the track like a race horse, completely blew the Jamaican competition out of the water and I have forever disliked her since then. So to be fair and open, I am not impartial when it comes to relaying this news, and I am not sad. And if this news comes as a shock to you, seriously go look again at her in 1997 and then in 2000 and tell me what you really think. ( you can just go to google images and look her up, it is an education in form and ridiculous muscle)

This seems a bit too harsh...

Amazing how much money they want per song.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Why San Diego has the greatest news!

Major landslide in La Jolla, the red cross opened up an emergency center...24 peeps showed up BUT ONLY FOR INFORMATION.

So while watching the news someone in studio had their cell phone go off.

I love the San Diego news, nothing devastating ever really seems to happen. The newscasters looked so bored while reading the news, almost as if they were thinking..."What time did I take that last hit of the bong?"

One guy blatantly said on the news that it was no worries he would just go to one of his other empty houses, that is why I love and hate La Jolla...the laid back attitude is awesome but the excessive wealth can be so annoying

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.