Infrequently updated consistently funny

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Fun video of Chris Simms - if only he could have done that while at Texas



Apparently he can actually do the cross bar thing and got it on first take as well as the moving target, the others took a couple of takes and fancy editing...legit?

Thing about Simms no one ever questioned the gun of an arm that he has, what was always questioned was his heart and decision making!

Monday, August 28, 2006

K-Fed sucks and Big ups to Cham!

As I type this I am listening to the ocean lap against the beach, it is kind of comforting, moving is such a sucky experience and for me it is a prolonged one since my new space is not quite ready so my stuff has to go in storage until hopefully this weekend.

I see that Cham (formerly Baby Cham) has debuted at #53 on the billboard charts. Not a bad debut for a reggae artist whose main airplay is on the east coast and whose hit lead single has been out for ages and has finally gained some recognition on American airwaves. I hope to see more out of Cham (out of Sherlock Crescent) so that hopefully more peeps will know that there is more to dancehall than Sean Paul.

If you have not yet seen the Kevin Federline performance at the Teen Choice Awards last week go to youtube.com and check it out, the humor value is worth the crappy video.

By the way Britney is the perfect poster child for any stop teen pregnancy campaign, just show how she is now and how she used to be to young teen girls that should help them…another thing on the K-Fed performance I love that the best person on the mic was probably his DJ…

Oh and is it too much to ask Mr. Federline that when you are performing at an awards show called the TEEN Choice Awards that you not use language so vulgar that they have to edit out not just a word but complete sentences of your song, damn wannabe hood rat!

Screw it let us just rip that performance a little…
- Look damn it man you are not a superstar when you have never released an album, a song, a clip or anything that is a hit so stop bloody calling yourself one in your song…”Don’t hate cause I am a superstar”????? Really? The man must have brass ones
- Your wife funds you and your career, it is just weak to sing and boast about the Cars that you have
- You made your career as a dancer, you snagged your sugar momma as a dancer, and your rapping is not even passable: Throw a few dance steps into your performance.
- Though: Since rumor has long had it that you were Brit’s drug supplier and not actually a decent dancer the fact that you had other dancers on stage to do the dancing for you…oh screw it I hate creating conspiracies I just like reading them
- The best thing about your performance was the little kids dancing at the start of it…
- In fact I thought each of those kids might have been you, and I was not the only one; that does not bode well for your career
- Your song says your take care of your own “That’s my family” Really with whose money?
- Everytime the crowd went nuts while you were on stage it was while one of your dances was doing some cool routine: take note of that!
- Do not allow Britney back out of the house until she returns to the Pre-Federline look
- "I'm happy," says Federline, whose first album is due in October. "I think I pulled it off pretty well. (But) I'm overly critical of myself." No you are not otherwise you would have manned up and said “My performance sucked”
- Tell your wife that the secrets of the universe are not contained in chewing gum and that she can appear on TV without constantly chewing the damn thing
- I must confess I secretly wanted you to do even worse than you did: I think you suck that much
- Are we going to look back on your career and realize that “Popozao” was actually a highlight?

To my F.O.L. fans

Last night's show had some crazy stuff...check this link but NOT AT WORK/CLASS or around young ones

Saturday, August 26, 2006

A Picture Share!

Moving with my eye looking like this sucks!

Damn it

I hate packing and moving!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Everything is BIGGER in Texas!


“A month ago, the Miami Dolphins unveiled their new scoreboard, hailed as the largest high-definition video screen in the world. By July, when the Texas Longhorns' new scoreboard is expected to be in place at Royal-Memorial Stadium, the Dolphins will have to be content with having the world's second-largest big-screen TV.
The University of Texas' high-definition LED scoreboard will be 134 feet wide and 55 feet high and will replace the 10-year-old, far smaller scoreboard in the south end zone.
Measuring the diagonal, the way they do for TV sets, that's a whopping 1,740-inch screen for Longhorn fans.”  Thanks Preeth for this info!

Few are as fanatic a Texas fan as I am but even I find the following a bit too obsessive: There was a web cam allowing persons to follow the construction of the damn scoreboard…From the UT sports site…http://www.texassports.com/webcam.html
Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial StadiumScoreboard WebCam
The Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium Scoreboard WebCam will be taken offline on Thursday, Aug. 17, 2006.
We hope you've enjoyed watching its construction.Please join us for the scoreboard's debut on September 2 when the Longhorns meet North Texas in the opening game of the 2006 Texas Football season.
Hook 'em, Horns!

In class blogging continued...

A notice was given that one of our class mates had gone to Utah
Sandscraper (2:49:56 PM): utah? why would you be in utah?
Delmonico (2:49:58 PM): of course he is in utah
Delmonico (2:50:07 PM): HE IS SUPERMORMON
Sandscraper (2:50:11 PM): oh
notquitepc (2:50:19 PM): oh man
Delmonico (2:50:26 PM): he out on a mission to stop fun wherever it rears its ugly head
notquitepc (2:50:29 PM): This is a southpark eipsode waiting to happen
Sandscraper (2:50:40 PM): dude... utah is a southpark episode
notquitepc (2:51:16 PM): I am still recovering from how calmly she said these words "X is in Utah but BEFORE he left he CAME to see me re this case"
notquitepc (2:51:45 PM): how do u say that with a straight face
Sandscraper (2:51:48 PM): man, everybody knows that mormons can't do that
Sandscraper (2:51:57 PM): not until they're married
Delmonico (2:51:58 PM): how do you even care about anything in this class that much
Delmonico (2:52:02 PM): that is what is amazing to me
notquitepc (2:52:08 PM): yeh u went the other way Sandscraper
notquitepc (2:52:13 PM): I am shocked he spoke to her
notquitepc (2:52:18 PM): this means he had to read in advance
notquitepc (2:52:22 PM): to know what was coming up
Sandscraper (2:52:24 PM): what other way is there to go with that?
Sandscraper (2:52:39 PM): i know that... i can't spin things in this room now?
notquitepc (2:52:58 PM): You have smoked yourself retarded
Sandscraper (2:53:16 PM): i'll beat yourself retarded soon
notquitepc (2:53:22 PM): HUH
notquitepc (2:53:28 PM): 'yourself'
notquitepc (2:53:29 PM): ???
Delmonico (2:53:29 PM): fight fight fight
notquitepc (2:53:33 PM): sure u want to go there?
Sandscraper (2:53:35 PM): i know i know, bad grammar
notquitepc (2:53:38 PM): U r going to jack me off?
Delmonico (2:53:47 PM): i am going to move down a seat
Sandscraper (2:53:48 PM): ok, i'm ignoring this room for a while
notquitepc (2:54:01 PM): tell me the dean is not looking
Delmonico (2:54:02 PM): i just threw up a little in my mouth
notquitepc (2:54:06 PM): I have tears in my eyes
Delmonico (2:54:13 PM): i think he is readin a book
Sandscraper (2:54:50 PM): he's looking at naked pics of hottieprof wondering whether she's truly worth keeping around
notquitepc (2:55:15 PM): Oh man
notquitepc (2:55:19 PM): he is biting his finger
Delmonico (2:55:25 PM): grrr
notquitepc (2:55:31 PM): what no BSB slides?
Sandscraper (2:55:34 PM): i wonder what's in his coffee
notquitepc (2:55:45 PM): her titties milk?
Delmonico (2:55:51 PM): irish whiskey
notquitepc (2:56:03 PM): same thing
Delmonico (2:56:05 PM): i stand corrected
Delmonico (2:56:31 PM): who has an accident at work?
Delmonico (2:56:37 PM): you mena like crapping your pants?
Delmonico (2:56:41 PM): probably some depends
Sandscraper (2:56:44 PM): OSHA!
Sandscraper (2:56:45 PM): ah!
Sandscraper (2:56:51 PM): is she going to call on us soon ?
Delmonico (2:56:56 PM): i dunno
notquitepc (2:57:00 PM): she should
Delmonico (2:57:02 PM): apparently not till next week
notquitepc (2:57:07 PM): I see hilarity ensuing from that
notquitepc (2:57:14 PM): Shall I raise my hand to ask
Delmonico (2:57:28 PM): shall i punchisize your face
Sandscraper (2:57:30 PM): what? what's the worst thing that could happen with Delmonico and i giving a presentation
Delmonico (2:57:33 PM): for free
notquitepc (2:57:57 PM): I love how kids pretend to be smart in here
notquitepc (2:58:02 PM): and I dare u guys
notquitepc (2:58:06 PM): I double dog dare u
Sandscraper (2:58:07 PM): i haven't pretended to do that in years
notquitepc (2:58:09 PM): to attack
Sandscraper (2:58:17 PM): i'm comfortable with my stupidity
notquitepc (2:58:25 PM): sadly no one else is
Delmonico (2:58:28 PM): ignorance is bliss
Delmonico (2:59:01 PM): do you think hottieprof is going to the mall after this?
Delmonico (2:59:10 PM): or to a hotel room with the dean
Sandscraper (2:59:14 PM): i totally see here with big bags of stuff
notquitepc (2:59:15 PM): ask her stalker…Sandscraper what do u think?
Sandscraper (2:59:33 PM): well, she generally goes to robinson's may on thursdays
notquitepc (3:00:03 PM): creepy bastard I knew it
notquitepc (3:00:14 PM): what section
notquitepc (3:00:18 PM): does she try on clothes
notquitepc (3:00:21 PM): do U watch
Delmonico (3:00:38 PM): what kind of panties she rocking?
Delmonico (3:00:46 PM): just regular white cotton panties
Delmonico (3:00:51 PM): or maybe a thong
Sandscraper (3:00:53 PM): really, i've seen her in lace
notquitepc (3:00:55 PM): I bet they can double as parachutes
Delmonico (3:00:58 PM): or maybe something new i dont even know about
Sandscraper (3:00:59 PM): pink lace to match her purse
notquitepc (3:01:14 PM): military grade
notquitepc (3:01:21 PM): kevlar
notquitepc (3:01:40 PM): Is JT taking notes?
Sandscraper (3:01:42 PM): i'm pretty sure the lace can be easily taken apart and used to strangle people
Sandscraper (3:01:45 PM): i can't tell
Sandscraper (3:02:02 PM): her lace is made out of spider web
Delmonico (3:02:06 PM): i still think someone should go up there and hug her after class
Delmonico (3:02:11 PM): especially with the dean here
notquitepc (3:02:13 PM): ass slap
notquitepc (3:02:17 PM): money will be paid
Delmonico (3:02:20 PM): just hug her and smell her hair
notquitepc (3:02:21 PM): GUARANTEED
Sandscraper (3:02:24 PM): you know my price, already
notquitepc (3:02:33 PM): Your momma is cheaper
notquitepc (3:02:39 PM): sorry
notquitepc (3:02:43 PM): couldn’t resist
Sandscraper (3:02:45 PM): i hope my momma is less that $100K
Delmonico (3:03:05 PM): another good move would be to act like you are blind, grab her rack and say its how blind people shake hands
notquitepc (3:03:05 PM): did u really just list the value of yo momma
notquitepc (3:03:10 PM): and undervalue her?
notquitepc (3:03:15 PM): hahahah
notquitepc (3:03:17 PM): I touch to see
notquitepc (3:03:30 PM): "And I see you want me"
Sandscraper (3:03:35 PM): i don't like touching with my hands though
notquitepc (3:03:42 PM): uhmmmm
Delmonico (3:03:48 PM): you like feet?
Delmonico (3:03:50 PM): weird
notquitepc (3:03:51 PM): this better lead to a dick joke
notquitepc (3:03:54 PM): or you are dead to us
Sandscraper (3:04:05 PM): it leads to nothing
Sandscraper (3:04:13 PM): dean looked this way for a few seconds
notquitepc (3:04:24 PM): you don’t like to touch with hands
notquitepc (3:04:28 PM): and it leads to nothing
notquitepc (3:04:30 PM): WHAT A SHOCKER
Sandscraper (3:04:43 PM): yeah, i know
Sandscraper (3:04:46 PM): very saddening
Sandscraper (3:04:55 PM): poor me, never getting anything... sigh
notquitepc (3:05:06 PM): lets have a revelation moment
notquitepc (3:05:10 PM): shall we
Sandscraper (3:05:28 PM): what shall be revealed, O oracle of class?
notquitepc (3:05:33 PM): how is it I can sit in a class
notquitepc (3:05:39 PM): and hear the word texas
notquitepc (3:05:44 PM): and not hear a damn thing around it
Sandscraper (3:05:55 PM): you might have heard tecas, you know
Delmonico (3:05:57 PM): and you arent even from texas
notquitepc (3:06:04 PM): I am from TEXAS
notquitepc (3:06:09 PM): just not born there
notquitepc (3:06:14 PM): or residing there currently
Sandscraper (3:06:16 PM): no, you're from texass
Delmonico (3:06:17 PM): that’s not something to proud of man
notquitepc (3:06:18 PM): or owning property there
notquitepc (3:06:28 PM): Hey no income tax
Delmonico (3:06:37 PM): i dont have income tax either
notquitepc (3:06:44 PM): yeh
Sandscraper (3:06:45 PM): you don't have an income, i take it
Delmonico (3:06:50 PM): that too
notquitepc (3:06:51 PM): but no one wants to go to seattle
Delmonico (3:06:57 PM): but no icome tax in washington
Delmonico (3:07:08 PM): i am cool with that
Sandscraper (3:07:11 PM): all of those starbucks
Sandscraper (3:07:16 PM): must have something to do with it
notquitepc (3:07:21 PM): I hate starbucks
Delmonico (3:07:31 PM): so do i
Delmonico (3:07:38 PM): seattles best is way better
notquitepc (3:07:42 PM): you think if I tapped her
notquitepc (3:07:44 PM): I could say
notquitepc (3:07:49 PM): I want to BFOQ you
notquitepc (3:07:55 PM): and she would respond with OHSA
notquitepc (3:08:00 PM): OHSHA
notquitepc (3:08:05 PM): OH
OH
OHSA
Sandscraper (3:08:18 PM): you mean "OH SA" right?
notquitepc (3:08:26 PM): look at the slide
notquitepc (3:08:30 PM): that is creepy
Sandscraper (3:08:38 PM): he has one long shlong
Delmonico (3:08:43 PM): you are a sick man
notquitepc (3:08:47 PM): you need to MOVE
Sandscraper (3:08:54 PM): hahaha
Sandscraper (3:09:20 PM): Jesus looked at me and burned
Delmonico (3:09:21 PM): dude that guy is so hung when he whacks it he has to wear a helmet for safety
notquitepc (3:09:45 PM): well look at the pussy he has to enter
notquitepc (3:09:51 PM): that thing is huge
Sandscraper (3:09:56 PM): GAPING
Delmonico (3:09:57 PM): he climbed on in
Delmonico (3:10:05 PM): i hope he has got a flashlight or something
Delmonico (3:10:08 PM): he could get lost
notquitepc (3:10:08 PM): its profs
Delmonico (3:10:18 PM): well that was clearly coming
notquitepc (3:10:24 PM): no doubt
Sandscraper (3:10:30 PM): ok, man, that's just being disrespectful
Sandscraper (3:10:32 PM): i'm ashamed
Sandscraper (3:10:39 PM): both of you!
Sandscraper (3:10:44 PM): shameful!!!
notquitepc (3:10:46 PM): you saw a slide
notquitepc (3:10:52 PM): and thought it was a man's dong
notquitepc (3:10:56 PM): you can never censor us
notquitepc (3:11:10 PM): you then threatened to jack me off
notquitepc (3:11:15 PM): till I went retarded
Sandscraper (3:11:22 PM): SHUDDUP
notquitepc (3:11:23 PM): you know how much work you are setting yourself up for
Delmonico (3:11:23 PM): hey look hooters
Sandscraper (3:11:31 PM): oh my god
Sandscraper (3:11:36 PM): dean cole is going to hate us
notquitepc (3:11:43 PM): Y ?
notquitepc (3:11:47 PM): cause you wont jack him off?
Sandscraper (3:11:51 PM): we're chuckling like five year olds
notquitepc (3:12:22 PM): I guess we are just wacky
Delmonico (3:12:32 PM): wacky?
notquitepc (3:12:39 PM): wacking off
Sandscraper (3:12:41 PM): hahahah!!! 50 million gimps out there
notquitepc (3:12:44 PM): I thought it was obvious
notquitepc (3:12:47 PM): 15 million
Delmonico (3:12:48 PM): fucking cappers
notquitepc (3:12:52 PM): you dyslexic bastard
Sandscraper (3:12:59 PM): i heard 50 and i'm sticking to it!
Sandscraper (3:13:06 PM): i can't help it that i don't understand israelis
notquitepc (3:13:10 PM): I want her to stick it
Sandscraper (3:13:19 PM): all i hear is "please don't kill me"
notquitepc (3:13:28 PM): oh my...
notquitepc (3:13:35 PM): and the Sandscraper takes the lead
notquitepc (3:13:42 PM): ethnic cleansing
notquitepc (3:13:52 PM): will always lead to a shot out in front
Sandscraper (3:14:04 PM): on that note, i'm going back to my news
notquitepc (3:16:06 PM): send me the gas link
Sandscraper (3:17:37 PM): gas link?
notquitepc (3:17:46 PM): re the 100 rebate
Sandscraper (3:17:51 PM): from earlier? i thought you weren't interested in politics
notquitepc (3:17:51 PM): if u fart
notquitepc (3:17:53 PM): I will kill u
Delmonico (3:17:54 PM): forget the gas
Delmonico (3:18:08 PM): back to our general offensiveness
notquitepc (3:18:18 PM): hahahah
notquitepc (3:18:23 PM): Did u like her graph
notquitepc (3:18:29 PM): I got lost after the first part
Delmonico (3:18:31 PM): no i didnt even see it
Delmonico (3:18:44 PM): i am not really sure why i come to this class
notquitepc (3:18:54 PM): free internet
Delmonico (3:19:07 PM): i have internet at my house
Sandscraper (3:19:09 PM): was it a graph correlating her excitement level to decibel level?
notquitepc (3:19:30 PM): It showed her OSHA
Delmonico (3:19:47 PM): i just got an email with the following heading
Delmonico (3:19:48 PM): Ticketmaster Don't miss Boyz II Men
Delmonico (3:20:02 PM): apparently ticketmaster thinks this is 1996 and i am a girl
Sandscraper (3:20:32 PM): Boyz II Men is still around?
Sandscraper (3:20:38 PM): and weren't they 1993?
Delmonico (3:20:55 PM): sorry
Delmonico (3:21:04 PM): i didnt follow them all that closely
notquitepc (3:21:13 PM): screw you both
notquitepc (3:21:14 PM): I am going
notquitepc (3:21:20 PM): with my lighter
notquitepc (3:21:22 PM): and my teddy bear
Delmonico (3:21:24 PM): though i def had their first album
Delmonico (3:21:38 PM): lilghter and a teddy bear?
Delmonico (3:21:45 PM): this better involve hottieprof and some lube too
Sandscraper (3:21:45 PM): give me your teddy so i can soak it in gas first
notquitepc (3:22:11 PM): I let hottieprof bite on the teddy
Sandscraper (3:22:28 PM): i didn't know she liked it like that... daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamnnn!
Delmonico (3:22:48 PM): well you prolly dont want her biting other things
notquitepc (3:22:57 PM): you put on the Boyz II men and she goes crazy
Sandscraper (3:23:26 PM): she wants all things black, huh?
Delmonico (3:23:36 PM): booyeah
Delmonico (3:23:45 PM): she loves chocolate
Delmonico (3:23:55 PM): or in my case white chocolate
notquitepc (3:23:57 PM): Dark chocolate
notquitepc (3:24:02 PM): its better for her health
Sandscraper (3:24:06 PM): i'm caramel
notquitepc (3:24:08 PM): she loves the creme filling
notquitepc (3:24:16 PM): stop fronting your nougat
Delmonico (3:24:28 PM): and its on
Sandscraper (3:24:41 PM): i'm so tired
notquitepc (3:25:00 PM): y?
notquitepc (3:25:16 PM): jacked off too many peeps on the short bus?
Delmonico (3:25:25 PM): he had to get up early to stalk hottieprof
Sandscraper (3:25:32 PM): booyah!
notquitepc (3:25:35 PM): OH YEAH
notquitepc (3:25:39 PM): she has the remote
Sandscraper (3:25:45 PM): at $40/tank, it takes effort nowadays
Delmonico (3:25:58 PM): look at her caress that podium
Sandscraper (3:26:00 PM): she's always driving from place to place
Delmonico (3:26:11 PM): oh i want to be that podium
Sandscraper (3:26:12 PM): she's really good at the caressing
Sandscraper (3:26:19 PM): ooo... coming closer!
Delmonico (3:26:25 PM): on tuesday you should just post up under the podium
Delmonico (3:26:30 PM): just see what happens
notquitepc (3:26:35 PM): Police academy her
Sandscraper (3:26:43 PM): eh?
notquitepc (3:27:06 PM): how do u not know the classic under the podium scene
notquitepc (3:27:12 PM): mahoney the hooker and the chief
Sandscraper (3:27:16 PM): i'm unenlightened
notquitepc (3:27:38 PM): think about a 3-some
Delmonico (3:27:39 PM): i forgot about that
notquitepc (3:27:48 PM): you hide under the podium
notquitepc (3:27:58 PM): when she walks up in the pant suit
notquitepc (3:28:03 PM): that you know she will wear
notquitepc (3:28:12 PM): unzip the front and dive into that muff
notquitepc (3:28:15 PM): lick that carpet
notquitepc (3:28:18 PM): wax that floor
notquitepc (3:28:22 PM): hoover the rug
Delmonico (3:28:34 PM): i dare you to approach after class and say your goirlfriend thinks shes hot, then say you arent sure what the word is, but you think its menage
Delmonico (3:28:39 PM): see what she says
notquitepc (3:28:47 PM): DO IT
Sandscraper (3:28:50 PM): hahahaha
Delmonico (3:28:52 PM): could be very awsome
notquitepc (3:28:53 PM): DO IT
Sandscraper (3:28:56 PM): yes
Sandscraper (3:28:57 PM): DO IT
Sandscraper (3:29:05 PM): mention that you go out with dslchick

Delmonico (3:29:12 PM): look at that hand go up and down
Delmonico (3:29:14 PM): very gentle
Delmonico (3:29:16 PM): yet firm
notquitepc (3:29:22 PM): that’s my junk
notquitepc (3:29:25 PM): she is thinking about
Delmonico (3:29:35 PM): she would have had her hand much lower
Sandscraper (3:29:36 PM): is dslchick here today?
Delmonico (3:29:40 PM): not here
notquitepc (3:29:41 PM): she is thinking
Delmonico (3:29:44 PM): i dont keep tabs on her
notquitepc (3:29:46 PM): get drunk and go home
notquitepc (3:29:47 PM): liar
notquitepc (3:29:48 PM): you do
Delmonico (3:29:51 PM): yeah
Delmonico (3:29:55 PM): all the time
Sandscraper (3:30:01 PM): stalker
notquitepc (3:30:03 PM): she changed her # because of you
Delmonico (3:30:04 PM): insane girls are my thing
notquitepc (3:30:11 PM): crazy is always good
Delmonico (3:30:12 PM): which is insane
notquitepc (3:30:14 PM): for one night
Sandscraper (3:30:17 PM): all girls are insane
Delmonico (3:30:22 PM): i hadnt called her in MONTHS
Sandscraper (3:30:34 PM): love her and leave her?
notquitepc (3:30:38 PM): insane ones are usually hot
Delmonico (3:30:43 PM): emphasis on the leave
Sandscraper (3:30:51 PM): never called once?
Delmonico (3:31:02 PM): well, i called her one time
Delmonico (3:31:05 PM): obviously
notquitepc (3:31:08 PM): hahahah
notquitepc (3:31:11 PM): serves you right
notquitepc (3:31:14 PM): but I love the story
Delmonico (3:31:16 PM): we "studied"
notquitepc (3:31:24 PM): ah the never fail
notquitepc (3:31:27 PM): let’s study line
notquitepc (3:31:41 PM): how bout you take this drug with the rho tag on it
Delmonico (3:31:43 PM): pathetic, yet effective
Delmonico (3:31:54 PM): you dont ask
Delmonico (3:31:57 PM): put it in her drink
Delmonico (3:32:03 PM): avoid the middle man
Sandscraper (3:32:07 PM): why is somebody accusing me of having outlines?
notquitepc (3:32:10 PM): whats a lil inappropriate touching btw friends
Sandscraper (3:32:28 PM): doesn't that make it appropriate touching?
Delmonico (3:32:30 PM): i hope you arent referring to me and you right now
Delmonico (3:32:40 PM): cus i aint touching you
Delmonico (3:32:45 PM): you sick fuck
notquitepc (3:32:48 PM): U touch me everytime
notquitepc (3:32:49 PM): we talk
Delmonico (3:32:55 PM): i am leaving
notquitepc (3:33:12 PM): "and when I think about you..."

notquitepc (3:33:15 PM): genius
notquitepc (3:33:19 PM): way to call attention
Sandscraper (3:33:26 PM): i have a ready made excuse
Delmonico (3:33:26 PM): shit
Sandscraper (3:33:36 PM): "notpc’s a douche"
notquitepc (3:33:38 PM): R U KIDDING ME
Delmonico (3:33:41 PM): no way did that just happen
Delmonico (3:34:03 PM): she absolutely just looked at us
Sandscraper (3:34:21 PM): don't worry about it
notquitepc (3:34:31 PM): R U kidding me
Sandscraper (3:34:40 PM): nope
Delmonico (3:34:56 PM): look at her work her fnger
Delmonico (3:35:01 PM): mmmmmm
notquitepc (3:35:21 PM): I am still in shock at mr I am too superior to sit beside peeps
notquitepc (3:35:33 PM): you offer to jack me off to senility
notquitepc (3:35:38 PM): and I am offensive
Sandscraper (3:35:50 PM): you want me to touch you
Delmonico (3:36:22 PM): i feel like i should give you guys some alone time

notquitepc (3:37:15 PM): I hate you both
notquitepc (3:37:18 PM): where was the help
Sandscraper (3:37:27 PM): i wasn't about to touch you
Delmonico (3:37:53 PM): hey learn how to control your burst of laughter
notquitepc (3:38:03 PM): is that Y you moved because you cant help wanting to touch me
Delmonico (3:38:15 PM): you 2 really need some alone time
Sandscraper (3:38:24 PM): naw
Sandscraper (3:38:35 PM): dude... ok... this needs to stop
Delmonico (3:38:36 PM): https://www.shop.blingsupply.com/categoryNavigationDocument.hg?categoryId=11
Delmonico (3:38:45 PM): we should get these for class on tuesday
Delmonico (3:39:16 PM): she loves horseplay
Sandscraper (3:39:30 PM): dude... yeah! the pimp chalice cup! we can put 40 oz in there!
Delmonico (3:39:37 PM): look how excited she is about horse play
notquitepc (3:40:03 PM): the guy got it in the eye
notquitepc (3:40:06 PM): dare I say
notquitepc (3:40:09 PM): MONEY SHOT
Delmonico (3:40:17 PM): oh you dare
Delmonico (3:40:26 PM): dude shot himself in the eye?
Delmonico (3:40:30 PM): that isnt a money shot
Sandscraper (3:41:24 PM): i'm enchanted on the status bar
Sandscraper (3:41:35 PM): noooo!!!
Delmonico (3:41:45 PM): NOOOOOOOO
Delmonico (3:42:04 PM): it would have been way finnier had she not noticed and it restarted
Sandscraper (3:42:30 PM): damn her for being able to read!
Sandscraper (3:42:40 PM): seriously... how long does it take her to make these presentations?
Sandscraper (3:42:54 PM): how does she find time to have sex with everybody?
notquitepc (3:43:00 PM): hahahah
notquitepc (3:43:01 PM): wow
Sandscraper (3:43:10 PM): it's a serious question
Delmonico (3:43:23 PM): she multi tasks
notquitepc (3:43:24 PM): have u read her blog
Sandscraper (3:43:26 PM): look.. i'll put on my serious face :-I
notquitepc (3:43:27 PM): it is so boring
Delmonico (3:43:28 PM): she has a laptop
notquitepc (3:43:36 PM): I can see her taking it doggystyle and typing
Delmonico (3:43:50 PM): great concentration on her part
Sandscraper (3:43:53 PM): with the TV remote, as well
Delmonico (3:44:02 PM): she always has that remote
Delmonico (3:44:04 PM): somehwere
Sandscraper (3:44:12 PM): while she's taking it doggy? damn
notquitepc (3:44:32 PM): way to stay up to date with the convo

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Update...

My Car's engine is blown

Do any necessary repairs that will not break the bank…

Those are the words I said to the mechanic and now I am wondering when did I completely leave hold of my senses! I had to have my car towed last night because it broke down on me. Factoring in the hour the truck took to arrive, the half hour it took for me to finally decide to push the car off the main road, pushing the car myself (yes the gym has finally paid off) getting to the mechanics shop etc a simple trip to pick up pizza, hot wings and breadsticks turned into a three hour adventure.

I asked the tow truck guy if it was true that most peeps in his line of work carried a gun (I called it a ‘piece’ last night since if I am going to act like I am cool I am going to use cool terms plus for some reason I felt like saying gun was inappropriate). He laughed and replied that most of his group did but not him…(I should add that the reason I asked was because I saw the holster that he was clearly wearing under his shirt). I laughed and asked him why he didn’t carry a ‘whistle’ (again to make sure that you guys become as cool as me – in the vernacular of the streets a ‘whistle’ is a small gun) but as soon as I asked that question in my mind I went “DAMN IT: I bet you he is an ex con” and immediately it was confirmed. “I can’t carry because I am on parole” Of course there is nothing much to say after that except…”Cool”

Some funny things from last night
- I got a pretty good idea last night why lonely people become fat; I was so bored while waiting for the truck that to pass the time I kept eating, I had intended last night to have 2 slices and a couple bread sticks instead because I was bored I ate half of the large pizza and all 8 of the bread sticks
- Since the truck took so long to pick me up and because I had already ordered it, I walked a half mile to get my pizza
- Because I was starving from push my ton of scrap metal (formerly my car) and from only eating a single meal all day I started eating breadsticks while walking back to my car oblivious to the fact that I probably looked homeless
- I had planned to make a quick run to the pizza outlet and back home, I was not dressed for public viewing
- Ob getting back to the car, I threw the pizza box on top of the car and started eating Pizza and breadsticks off the top of my car like I had no home to go to (which if you consider that my car could not drive I guess I had no means of getting there)
- When I pushed the car off the road I realized too late that I had pushed it in between 2 banks and close to the drive up ATM of one of the banks, which led to a lot of people pulling up close, taking a look at me wolfing down a pizza, staring at them and then watching them pull away, to be honest it was probably a good idea in terms of long term rules to live by to not pull up beside the crazed looking homeless looking, pizza shoveling black guy beside the broken down car that it looked like he might be robbing.
- I really, really had to resist the urge to start eating the hot wings that I had bought, which is a bad statement on my part that despite being in a ‘desperate’ situation all I wanted was spicy chicken

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

"He asked if he could pee on me and I said Fasho"--Boondocks

Too lazy to do real posts so I will give you 2 F.O.L. posts, it is amazing what these women can do with their butt cheeks


Possibly one of the worst prayer circles ever


I also enjoy this clip of Boondocks previewing the R. Kelly trial

Is it just me or does it seem like the R. Kelly trial should have already occured!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Writer's block is over

But apparently so are my chances of sleeping! It's 5.15 wondering if I should not just head to the gym and do some lifting in the hope of tiring out a bit

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Writer's block and FOL!

I have an article due tomorrow and I am suffering a bit of writers block, bit weird since I have the general idea of the article, fleshed out much of it but just cannot tie the paragraphs together.

On a bright note though Flavor of love once again was stellar…the final 5 minutes were amazing, even though it was predictable. I think a good indication of how crazy a show is, is the fact that you know the ending of the show, know exactly what is going to happen and somehow seeing it unfold is still shocking.

Speaking of predictable endings; watching golf today: Watching Tiger play the final round of the PGA Championship was like watching a master sketch artist, it all came together in basic strokes but the result was amazing!

“Martin Brody…his character from Jaws?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“Uh, I have seen Jaws!”

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Was she as cute as I think?

So tonight was supposed to be an early to bed night! However, I went to my neighbor's home for a few drinks felt guilty that I was drinking their stuff, went home and got a bottle of wine and consumed the entire damn bottle at the party, now it is almost 5am I am still up and wondering what happened to the plan of going to bed before 12? I snagged a number which is rare for me despite the fact that my cell phone amazingly has 323 numbers in it and now I have that major debate of: Should I call her?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Moving sale...

I am moving out of my apartment and pretty much willing to sell/rid myself of much of what I own.
I will post pictures when the room looks less cluttered from moving but the prices are all negotiable, plus I am willing to mix and match

19 inch TV $25 (remote with batteries included [cause I am a nice guy])
Computer desk (fits a wide screen monitor) $25
Computer (cpu + keyboard) $50 to be honest it is not great it's old and slow but it works and it has XP
Computer monitor I do not have a tape measure if its a 17 inch then $50 if 15inch then $40
Night stand $10
Dresser/cupboard (no clue what it is but it is great for sweaters and t-shirts) $15
Secretary chair $5
Tv stand/entertainment center (holds a large Tv) $15

A few reasons why I love F.O.L.

So it is no secret that I love the new season of Flavor of Love well, here are a few reasons why...
Check out some of the pre show auditions


Then check out the fight from the first episode


This girl sounds exactly like Mike Tyson, I wonder if this is how he would react


This is the full post fight video VH1 cut so much of the post fight talk..."That's why I whooped yo ass...keep calling me trash"

And finally the 'ladies' pose for an upcoming King magazine cover...ah classy

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

New S.B.C. aka Ali G movie

"Very Nice...How much?"
I have high hopes for this movie, I heard so much about it when it was being filmed particularly the scene at the rodeo

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Breasts save the day...

Thanks Minh for this link...Amazing to think that a breast implant saved this woman's life

Too crazy to make it up!

So I came home tonight and though I rarely, rarely take the elevator, tonight I decided to take it and as I was stepping in I was removing my keys from my pocket and they slipped from my hands and fell down the bloody elevator shaft.

Crazily enough I asked my apartment manager about it and he said it happens all the time….WHAT?... more than one person has dropped their keys down the elevator shaft and not just 2 of us but enough of us that you can say “it happens all the time”!!!!

Sadly for me this is not the first time my keys have disappeared in a freaky way…once in Austin while crossing the street with my ex and friends my key dropped from my hands and I accidentally kicked them into a storm drain. I may have to get a bloody chain attached to my belt and my keys.

Monday, August 14, 2006

F.O.L. update and shot at Disney

Vh1 has a true juggernaut on its hands with Flavor of Love 2. Anytime a show is beating out Entourage on a Sunday night and almost doubling the audience of its lead in then something good is happening. I love your blog Abeni but I think Buckwild is one of the best characters on F.O.L.

The ‘white’ girl who reps as she says Rancho Cucamonga as “my hood” brings some excitement to the show, the belt she wears immediately cracked me up (her myspace page though makes me wonder if she is just on it to further her career). All the girls on the show appear to have an agenda and that is just fine by me. If you are watching this show to find true love you have a problem if you are looking for the next great reality-comedy try F.O.L.

The people on this show are not so much characters as they are caricatures: take the best and worst features of everyday persons exaggerate them even more and you have F.O.L. season 2.

Few things from the last episode:
- Tiger’s transformation from non-kisser to kissing whore was amazing
- Toasteee truly looks like she has never seen a drink she did not like
- Nibblz is a straight up freak whether she is just acting for TV or truly like that she is a bonafide tv freak
- Something: You should never and the Cali-J means NEVER be proud of crapping on someone’s floor. She is now proud of her inability to make it to a restroom or hold herself in until she gets a chance to get to a better place.
- Spunkeey: You just spent an hour calling girls whores for kissing Flav, dancing on Flav and sitting in his lap and then your parting words are “I would have f&@ked you if I had to”? Way to go with class.
-
“Go, go Gadget arms!” watching the Disney Movie and all I can think is that Disney took a classic cartoon and made a classically bad movie.

Countdown

Almost 4am and I still cannot fall asleep maybe it is because it is 19 days 5 hours 17 minutes 05 sec from Longhorn football season and I still do not have tickets

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Oh so sore and a F.O.L. reminder!

After riding my bicycle for 3 straight hours I am now typing this blog STANDING up, I am also doing everything for the rest of today, STANDING up.

Little reminder…do try to catch tonight’s episode of Flavor of love I got the noon showing and it is worth the watching, crazy is too mild a term for these young ladies…certifiable lunatics may be the best phrase.

San Diego is so dang beautiful on a clear day – I think that is part of why I rode so much today, I just wanted to keep seeing more and more of it, places I had never gone to like Rose Creek and all around Fiesta island. Fat bastard when you get back into town you need to start riding your bicycle again, the “Sights” are amazing in PB, OB and Mission Bay.

Of overpriced cycling shorts and a shout out!


So anyone who read the Thursday blog knows that I have been shopping for cycling shorts. Well finally they arrived today and they fit etc and thankfully do not look like traditional cycling shorts (seriously I am way too modest to wear tight fitting, crotch hugging, bulge advertising, leg smoothing shorts) so I purchased a pair that look like basketball shorts but still contain the necessary (God knows it is necessary) padding for the long rides that I plan to take. Now that I am easily doing 20-30 mile stretches I want to do longer rides of 50 miles or so.

Anyway I digress I started this blog to rant about the ridiculous cost of cycling shorts. Lance Armstrong is a hero of mine and I initially figured that if I am going to look ridiculous and rock cycling shorts I might as well go for the Discovery shorts look, then I saw the prices; some places were claiming sales on the shorts at $120. Come on now that is retarded; they are just shorts, not a full kit. Unless those shorts guarantee that I will now ride like Lance and not suffer fatigue or be passed by old men that look 60 years old but somehow ride faster than me they cannot be worth that much to me.

Check this link for a sample of some of the shorts prices.

I decided that I had to go the baggy shorts route plus get some shorts that have pockets (since the ipod has to travel with me as well as a business card or id – just in case I ever take too bad a spill and need someone to take care of me) and something that should I jump off the bike and meet normal people I will not look too much like a “cycling dork” words of the guy at the bike shop not mine.

Though this is a rant blog I should say much love to the folks at Sports Chalet who did some important adjustments to my bicycle and did not charge me a cent as well as gave me some helpful hints. So often everyone seems out to squeeze us for all they can get, but the folks in the bicycle department seem to genuinely just want to help cyclists, there is not enough of that in this world.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Let me share a poem with you

On Pain
And a woman spoke, saying, "Tell us of Pain."

And he said:

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
---Khalil Gibran

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINH!

Enjoy your present

Such a sucky case of mistaken identity!

I feel so bad for Eddie Johnson

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Quick confession blog...

I love cycling and tend to ride a lot BUT I hate people who are non professionals and wear full on cycling gear like they are Lance Arsmstrong in the Pyrenees...I really hate when I think I am busting my ass on the bike and they 'breeze' right by me.

Anyway on to the confession: I have become so sore (u can guess where) that I am bowing to pressure and buying cycling shorts. I did not want to go into a store to purchase the offending garments so I started to order them online thinking a nice black pair would still preserve my dignity and modesty. Just as I was about to confirm my purchase the nagging feeling in the back of my head became a LOUD scream, at the last minute I realized that the shorts that I had been staring at for 10 minutes and considering purchasing were women's shorts! I knew something was weird with how they looked I just could not put my finger on it...in fairness to me though the shorts were incorrectly placed in the Men's department.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Wives for rent and former OSU players going nuts

Some quick news blurbs that I found…

Imagine a situation where your neighborhood is so low on women that you decide to RENT your WIFE out. Yes you read that correctly, you decide to rent your wife to other men!!!! Maybe it is just me but this rent-a-wife system seems to look like prostitution.

Finally imagine hearing this: A young man decides to leave his home with 4 guns that are fully loaded; one is an assault rifle, the other 3 are loosely labeled hand guns. This young man then decides that 4 guns could not possibly be enough weaponry so a HATCHET is added to the mix, but of course if you are rocking a hatchet and 4 guns you have to wear a bullet proof vest and roll with a half bottle of vodka in your car. You then should over react to the police trying to pull you over for a routine traffic stop and try to escape in your SUV. Once stopped you should not try to follow their requests but instead should have them have to mace you when their stun guns do not work thanks to your vest.
But let us not forget that you were once considered one of the Best Players in college football and expected to be a top pick! What the hell were you thinking? Where did you plan to go with 4 heaters one that you were keeping between your legs and a hatchet? Did you think Ohio had suddenly become Baghdad?

I added an IM convo between my former classmate and I re the Indian wife situation to the comments section!

Monday, August 07, 2006

I love this show - in show blogging

I believe that Flavor Flav has the cure for anorexia, after all how can anyone see him and want to become skinny?

“OMG Flavor is the schnazziest (her words not mine) dresser I have ever seen”

“His birthday is the day of realistic inspiration…my birthday is the day of unfailing vision so together we can create some bomb ass sh!t”

“I need a guy that gone hold me and a guy that gone hold me down”

Watching that first chick fight was awesome (I love that one of the chicks put the other in a leg-lock) I could not believe that the fight started over a bed!

Black girl: “You shouldn’t be hitting peeps”
White girl: “this isn’t the streets of Compton
Black girl: “I don’t live in Compton”
White girl: “You said you do”
Black girl: “I said 54th and Crenshaw, that’s what I said”
White girl: “Ok this isn’t Crenshaw”
Black girl: “It’s close to it”

Black girl praying while her former combatant is in the room with her: “God please forgive me for sins…forgive me for beating this bitch’s ass…please forgive me for thinking of kicking her ass again”
White girl: “Is that really necessary?”
Black girl: “You better quit interrupting my prayers before God direct me to whoop your ass”

“You know I got a weave in…This $800 hair you can’t be pulling on $800 hair”

When you watch the show if you ever watch the show you will see a young lady that is not sure of what her race is…

“My last 3 babies was with Latino women I love Latino women” –seriously Flav should you have so many kids that you can start claiming 3 from a race as your last 3? There is no such thing as love and commitment and PROTECTION any more huh?

“I mean I tongue-kissed somebody but I aint never talked in tongue…I don’t know what talking in tongues is”

HAHAHAHA: Oh man VH1 just threw up a Flav-lation i.e. a Translation of the convo between Flav and this HUGE black chick: it is so damn funny watching the captions that allegedly go along with the spoken word. –It was like watching E-40 talk to Snoop Dogg

Ok I have officially spotted the crazy chick and in this group that says a lot!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Seth Green's line on Entourage tonight

Talking to Eric re Eric's girlfriend "How could be she forget me? After I blasted in her face like a Jackson Pollock" --Instant Classic! If you don't get it look it up!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Yeh I talk to myself...so what?

So Friday night was such a trip that I have decided to post my inner monologue here. The inner mono will be in “-“ words said out loud will be in [-] I must warn you that I have crazy convos with myself all the time sign of genius or madness or a mix of both so let it be…

Immediately as I entered the club I saw this meathead type with his girl and realized that I should probably stay clear of his girl as hot as she was.
5 mins into my first drink: “man that meathead would kick my ass if I said ‘boo’ to his girl”
1 hour into the night: “Man he would still kick my ass but at least it would be a fair fight I think I can get a few shots in…is she looking at me?”
2 hours in: “You know I think I would get my ass kicked but I think at the end of it I would win the fight…she is definitely looking at me, damn she is hot…it is NOT a good idea Aaron”
3 hours in (plus 2 of my boys were standing beside me): “Man I wish that fool would say something I will kick his ass come on just seh ‘feh’”

**quick aside this is not all in sequence and I tend to run multiple convos with myself at the same time**

While talking to a lovely young lady who is a hottie (yes I know you are reading this and yes I promised you a shout-out now you get to see what I was thinking while we were talking)
[you could dance on my shoes if you’re afraid of the steps]
YL: I don’t think you know just how much I weigh – I would crush you
Internal Mono (IM): “Say she is 200lbs for a joke she will know that you are joking, she is smart and hot and confident… ARE U RETARDED? if she doesn’t take it as a joke U might as well start rubbing your cheek cause that slap is going to hurt?
[Oh come on the max that you are is a hundred and five]
YL: Oh no I weigh a deuce and a half
IM: “See you could have said 2bills she would have gotten the joke – NO, NO, NO it is better for her to make the joke than for you to even make the reference no matter how clearly it is untrue”

While dancing with a rather drunk girl from our law school
--Random convos ensue - - then this sudden exchange
Girl: Do you like what you see (sticks her ass out)
Cali: [I am too smart to say no to that]
“Remember last time a girl showed you her ass and you thought you would be a smart ass and make a joke with the phrase ‘I’ve seen better’?’ well you are still suffering for that one so do not touch that joke at all”
Girl: (Angrily) Are you saying you are smarter than me?
Cali: [No, no wait I did not say that I am smarter than you I am saying I am too smart to say that I…]
Girl: So you are saying you are smarter than me!!!!!
“How the hell did you just get yourself into this, run away. Can I do that? Just run, go to the back room of the club do anything other than stay with this girl…wait are your lips moving and not your feet?”
Cali: [Let me try to explain, I think you are really smart, smarter than me in fact, I was just saying (her drunk expression starts to look more and more pissed)…that it would be uh smart for me to get a drink (and then I ran – cowardly it might seem but trust me I would rather run than to have to try and explain logic to anyone who is drunk)]

Right around drink #4
“Did I really agree to help JT move tomorrow? I should probably stop drinking it is going to suck moving early in the morning what time did she say 9.30? Who moves that early on a Saturday? Damn I wish she was an acquaintance and not a friend then I could just forget to turn my phone’s ringer back on – no G that would be an asshole move – but that would give you some extra sleep time”
upon finally getting home after 2am –
“Damn man if you turn the phone off she will just think that you slept through the call or that you were sick or…who are we kidding you will never do that to a friend –sucker”
(I have noticed that I tend to call myself names and use different ways to address myself even in my own mind and if anyone has ever heard me leave myself a voice memo you will notice that I actually say hello and goodbye to myself on my own memos)

One last one; so coincidentally “I have seen better” girl just happened to be in the club
“Oh man what are the chances of her being here tonight? I dare you to diss her ass again, hahahah come on G you do that and you can say good bye to the use of your baby-maker for life”
“Wow she is wearing a hot top – Do not stare and do not say anything about it”
--So we dance for a little bit exchange pleasantries and then…
Cali-J: [Hey that is a really nice top] “What the hell man I thought we agreed no conversations about her top” [I really like it] (blatantly staring)
Girl: Thanks…where is X (I refuse to state his name right now but I think it is the universal sign that a young lady does not want to talk to you when she starts to ask about your friend – and if that is not the universal sign well damn it someone needs to revise that part of the G-code because that is what most guys think)
“When next I see that bastard I am kicking his ass, I can’t believe she just asked about him…What else is she saying? Oh screw it just smile and nod because let’s be honest man you stopped listening after she asked about X”

So to many of you who have noticed my glassy stare while I am at a bar, I am not drunk, nor am I ignoring you or being anti-social I am just caught up talking to the person that I love talking to the most – myself!


Friday, August 04, 2006

Just fine with me

Last year the Longhorns started at #2 and won it all, this year we start again at #2 only diff is that the #1 team in the country comes to OUR HOUSE!
HOOK 'EM HORNS!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

A bit long but damn it I saved THREE lives! and got some boob

So it has been awhile since I related a life experience rambling blog you know akin to the legendary Ms. 70 (still wondering if it was wise to delete that number).

Anyway here goes the story:
So I went to give blood today and had to go through all the usual pre donation rituals (fill out the question and answer stuff etc – Still always wonder about some of those answers: I answer truthfully but I just can’t know for sure: like when the question is “Do you ‘know’ anyone who accepts sex for money or drugs etc” I should just be able to respond with I WENT TO LAWSCHOOL at some point all of those questions will apply to someone I have come in contact with.) and the nurse assigned to aid me was beautiful let me say that again she was bee-yoo-tee-full.

So I had to go into the small room with the nurse to do my screening and I was told to sit down and extend my arm to have my blood pressure taken. Well I did it like all guys do, I extended the arm with the palms up and the hand in a slightly cupped form UNFORTUNATELY the nurse leaned forward to apply the stethoscope to my arm while doing so her breast fell perfectly into the cup of my arm. Honestly if anyone walked in we would have looked like 2 teenagers hiding out in the back of a 92 stanza.

So now I have a nurse’s chesticle firmly in my hand and I have no idea what to do (and no squeezing it was not an option) I didn’t want to move my hand because I was afraid that that would have given away the fact that I was conscious of the boobage in the hand. I didn’t want to say “excuse me but I think I got you” so I just left my hand there and could feel my blood pressure rising. I wanted her to retake it but had no clue how to explain to her that I had basically just increased my blood pressure because of something that should be so innocent (did I mention she was hot?) so my blood pressure came in at 126/70 and I really would love to know what it could have been.

But then I stride out of the room still high on the joy of “I am about to give blood” (you know the slogan if you give blood you save 3 lives) and I am thinking ok we took care of that so I get in the chair to give blood while ‘chatting’ up the nurses all female by the way ( I have never seen a male nurse at the red cross – I smell discrimination) and the guy across from me is freaking out because it is his first time giving blood and I am smirking at him because the man is at least late 30s and he is giving blood to have it stored for his OWN surgery - Which was something I had never thought of but it makes so much sense why not save your own life if you know surgery is coming up. But I find it hard to imagine a grown man freaking out giving blood that is for his own purpose but that’s just me.

So after strutting and thinking that I am the hot stuff, life saving, breast holding, non-crying blood donor I get in my car look down and realize that my zipper has been down for the whole damn time and not only is it down but underwear is peeking out (always wear a good pair) and the manly decision to take a flaming bright pink bandage for the arm is not looking as good in bright sunshine!

1 leads to 2 leads to 3 leads to you can guess the sequence

So uh Lyonness in the last 5 days I have had an argument/conversation with every ex/pseudo girlfriend (no wonder the Cali-J remains single) that I have in America so I suggest that we just have a talk later today say right after I give blood when I will be fatigued anyway and less likely to care about the conversation that we have since I seem to be on a bad roll downhill might as well get over what seems to be inevitable!

I think my blood is thinner today!

So I am giving blood later today and to be honest I would not be surprised if when the needle is stuck in my arm a clear-murky brown liquid comes out smelling like vodka, gin and rum.

I wonder how long you are supposed to wait before giving blood! Will have to read carefully that list of a million questions they give you before they stick you.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Ah steak!

Today's dinner. 2 pounds of rare steak!

Flavor of love - Slutitude

So any regular reader of the CaliJ knows that I loved VH-1’s show “The Flavor of love”.

Well my guilty pleasure returns starting this Sunday. The new season’s trailer (note not an ad but a bloody trailer for a TV show) has 2 chicks fighting while picking rooms in the first hour of entering the damn house – How could you not love this drama?

The level of slutitude (yes I know it is not a word but it should be) is at an all time high, and Flav is looking greasier than ever. (How is greasier a word and slutitude not a word? We need to get on this.)

I guarantee at least 2 fisticuffs (again – votes for slutitude) and countless make out sessions with Flav and some chick desperate for love (or camera time).

A Picture Share!

Glorious day in Pb

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.