Yeh I talk to myself...so what?

So Friday night was such a trip that I have decided to post my inner monologue here. The inner mono will be in “-“ words said out loud will be in [-] I must warn you that I have crazy convos with myself all the time sign of genius or madness or a mix of both so let it be…

Immediately as I entered the club I saw this meathead type with his girl and realized that I should probably stay clear of his girl as hot as she was.
5 mins into my first drink: “man that meathead would kick my ass if I said ‘boo’ to his girl”
1 hour into the night: “Man he would still kick my ass but at least it would be a fair fight I think I can get a few shots in…is she looking at me?”
2 hours in: “You know I think I would get my ass kicked but I think at the end of it I would win the fight…she is definitely looking at me, damn she is hot…it is NOT a good idea Aaron”
3 hours in (plus 2 of my boys were standing beside me): “Man I wish that fool would say something I will kick his ass come on just seh ‘feh’”

**quick aside this is not all in sequence and I tend to run multiple convos with myself at the same time**

While talking to a lovely young lady who is a hottie (yes I know you are reading this and yes I promised you a shout-out now you get to see what I was thinking while we were talking)
[you could dance on my shoes if you’re afraid of the steps]
YL: I don’t think you know just how much I weigh – I would crush you
Internal Mono (IM): “Say she is 200lbs for a joke she will know that you are joking, she is smart and hot and confident… ARE U RETARDED? if she doesn’t take it as a joke U might as well start rubbing your cheek cause that slap is going to hurt?
[Oh come on the max that you are is a hundred and five]
YL: Oh no I weigh a deuce and a half
IM: “See you could have said 2bills she would have gotten the joke – NO, NO, NO it is better for her to make the joke than for you to even make the reference no matter how clearly it is untrue”

While dancing with a rather drunk girl from our law school
--Random convos ensue - - then this sudden exchange
Girl: Do you like what you see (sticks her ass out)
Cali: [I am too smart to say no to that]
“Remember last time a girl showed you her ass and you thought you would be a smart ass and make a joke with the phrase ‘I’ve seen better’?’ well you are still suffering for that one so do not touch that joke at all”
Girl: (Angrily) Are you saying you are smarter than me?
Cali: [No, no wait I did not say that I am smarter than you I am saying I am too smart to say that I…]
Girl: So you are saying you are smarter than me!!!!!
“How the hell did you just get yourself into this, run away. Can I do that? Just run, go to the back room of the club do anything other than stay with this girl…wait are your lips moving and not your feet?”
Cali: [Let me try to explain, I think you are really smart, smarter than me in fact, I was just saying (her drunk expression starts to look more and more pissed)…that it would be uh smart for me to get a drink (and then I ran – cowardly it might seem but trust me I would rather run than to have to try and explain logic to anyone who is drunk)]

Right around drink #4
“Did I really agree to help JT move tomorrow? I should probably stop drinking it is going to suck moving early in the morning what time did she say 9.30? Who moves that early on a Saturday? Damn I wish she was an acquaintance and not a friend then I could just forget to turn my phone’s ringer back on – no G that would be an asshole move – but that would give you some extra sleep time”
upon finally getting home after 2am –
“Damn man if you turn the phone off she will just think that you slept through the call or that you were sick or…who are we kidding you will never do that to a friend –sucker”
(I have noticed that I tend to call myself names and use different ways to address myself even in my own mind and if anyone has ever heard me leave myself a voice memo you will notice that I actually say hello and goodbye to myself on my own memos)

One last one; so coincidentally “I have seen better” girl just happened to be in the club
“Oh man what are the chances of her being here tonight? I dare you to diss her ass again, hahahah come on G you do that and you can say good bye to the use of your baby-maker for life”
“Wow she is wearing a hot top – Do not stare and do not say anything about it”
--So we dance for a little bit exchange pleasantries and then…
Cali-J: [Hey that is a really nice top] “What the hell man I thought we agreed no conversations about her top” [I really like it] (blatantly staring)
Girl: Thanks…where is X (I refuse to state his name right now but I think it is the universal sign that a young lady does not want to talk to you when she starts to ask about your friend – and if that is not the universal sign well damn it someone needs to revise that part of the G-code because that is what most guys think)
“When next I see that bastard I am kicking his ass, I can’t believe she just asked about him…What else is she saying? Oh screw it just smile and nod because let’s be honest man you stopped listening after she asked about X”

So to many of you who have noticed my glassy stare while I am at a bar, I am not drunk, nor am I ignoring you or being anti-social I am just caught up talking to the person that I love talking to the most – myself!