Infrequently updated consistently funny

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween y'all!

I am spending a couple of nights in the Valley, and there are a million "trick or treaters" is fun to watch; sorry that I cannot post pictures but I look at it this way, if I were a dad and my kids went up to a stranger's home, the last thing I would want to see is a huge guy taking pictures of my in lieu of pix of the kids, have one of the clique...

A Picture Share!

La city hall. At one dollar a page, the cheapest city office for copies. Compare w/ the records office that charged me EIGHTY FOUR DOLLARS US. for 19 pages!

Monday, October 30, 2006

FOL finale and my fear of losing IQ points!

So the FOL reunion was on last night and the main word to use should be disappointing. So much was promised and like many of my dates, so little was delivered.

First off I was expecting a cross of Jerry Springer with Oprah: You know a brief heart to heart moment and then an “I will cut a bitch” moment. Instead the closest thing to contact was a thrown shoe (“Honestly who throws a shoe?”) and a few brief rushes at the stage. Then of course NY acted hard once the security guards had secured everything to make sure that she was safe.

I was able to call that exact moment because it was blatantly obvious and because I knew peeps like her when I was younger. Mainly because I used to do the same thing, roll with a group and you can take on all comers, roll by yourself and suddenly you will suffer a lot of indignities, then I snapped and became a hot head and decided for a time that even a polite stare was too much (but I was a skinny kid with no outwardly discernible muscle strength so you can guess how long that phase lasted). I always had huge friends; hell one of my friends outweighed me by 80lbs when I was 12…sorry I am off topic, back to FOL.

So apparently someone has convinced NY that she “Looks fabulous”. I do not get it, she appeared last night in an ensemble and a weave that made her look like the wicked witch of the west crossed with the Lion from the Wiz. Her weave was crazy, it looked like she had just gone to the hair dresser and said “make me look like a damn fool”!

So Flav and Deelishus are apparently still together, though I still have a sneaking feeling that Flav is still “Tapping” NY or “Chunking it up” if you would prefer.

Watching Flav kiss women is a disgusting experience; he practically inhales the women’s faces. Apparently he went to a kissing school that said the best way to kiss a woman is by opening your mouth as wide as you possibly can and try and swallow not only her tongue but her nose and the lower part of her eyes. Apparently if your famous you can do anything you want when it comes to romance – including ridiculing yourself, and then snagging multiple tail.

NY now has her own show and it will be titled “I love NY” basically a spin off of FOL, not too sure how that show is going to work out. See as much as I might think Flav is an ugly man and a caricature he had a tonne of charisma and it shone through. He helped to make that show, as can be seen by the fact that they swopped out the entire cast of characters and he still managed to be “The Flavor Man”. A certain amount craziness was needed for that show and it was enjoyable but NY does not have that ability to tone down the craziness that I think Flav had.

NY in my not so humble opinion is completely crazy and this might not be safe for anyone. At some point I can see her honestly killing herself or another chick for looking at ‘her man’.  This may not be safe for people to view, FOL already reduced my IQ at least 10 points (thankfully I am a genius) but I think watching NY have a chance to choose people might drop me down to the intelligence level of, well hell NY herself!

That all being said, I will probably end up at least checking it out!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Some times beer dice gets dangerous

Only so much trash talking can be engaged in re whose school is better before friends come to blows...For the record FLORIDA is inferior to TEXAS as a football school!

The Stare down

The only punch needed...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

No race, creed, prof or student is safe - A classic in class blog

Ok so there is pretty much no way for me to clean this up: It is so long that I have it broken up into different parts of the blog…enjoy and remember that the participants were young when they had this conversation. (All the participants on reading this again have expressed comments like this: “Wow we were pretty offensive that day!”)

The professors name has been changed…in fact all names have been changed to protect the innocent…(and I mean innocent) be honest though if you know anyone in the clique it becomes blatantly obvious who wrote what, and who the prof was if you went to school with the clique

notquitepc (2:31:44 PM): invite me (to the chat room)
notquitepc (2:33:17 PM): I couldn’t get into the other room
notquitepc (2:33:23 PM): guess I am too dark to cross the border
Delmonico (2:33:25 PM): hottieprof sucks (name of former chat room)wasnt good enough for you?
notquitepc (2:33:34 PM): I need her to swallow
Sandscraper (2:33:51 PM): ooo... review session
Delmonico (2:33:56 PM): did someone break into her house and steal all of her black suits?
Sandscraper (2:34:05 PM): will we be able to review her wardrobe?
notquitepc (2:34:10 PM): she wore a yoga suit
notquitepc (2:34:15 PM): to the alumni event
Sandscraper (2:34:22 PM): a yoga suit?
Delmonico (2:34:23 PM): yoga....thats hot
Sandscraper (2:34:47 PM): should i even bother to open wordperfect today
notquitepc (2:35:26 PM): I opened mine
notquitepc (2:35:32 PM): she has to step her game up
notquitepc (2:35:34 PM): the dean is here
Sandscraper (2:35:37 PM): yay... Congress is doing something substantial about high gas prices... $100 rebate... what the hell? that'll last about a month
notquitepc (2:36:00 PM): I love when u try to make our discussions political
notquitepc (2:36:06 PM): I AM NOT A DAMN HIPPIE
Sandscraper (2:36:21 PM): oh
notquitepc (2:36:33 PM): leave that to peeps like Delmonico
Sandscraper (2:36:37 PM): ha
notquitepc (2:36:38 PM): he is from seattle
notquitepc (2:36:43 PM): they have nothing better to do than bitch
Sandscraper (2:36:49 PM): well, it always rains up there
Sandscraper (2:36:59 PM): when you don't get enough sun you start to care about things
notquitepc (2:37:18 PM): like making sure the boat runs?:
Delmonico (2:37:34 PM): hey, its part of being from seattle
Sandscraper (2:37:55 PM): i'd rather talk about midwest latex with her
Delmonico (2:37:56 PM): we have to bitch or else we get depressed, move to tacoma and kill ourselves
notquitepc (2:38:10 PM): you 2 are sick
Delmonico (2:38:11 PM): we are starting pretty slow
notquitepc (2:38:15 PM): you know she doesn’t use latex
Delmonico (2:38:19 PM): we need to step up the offensiveness
Sandscraper (2:38:22 PM): hahaha
notquitepc (2:38:23 PM): lambskin bitches
Sandscraper (2:38:27 PM): ah!
Delmonico (2:38:30 PM): yeah, she is into pulling out
Delmonico (2:38:37 PM): lambskin aint kosher
Sandscraper (2:38:43 PM): yeah it is
notquitepc (2:38:43 PM): oh damn
notquitepc (2:38:46 PM): it's not?
Sandscraper (2:39:01 PM): where you learning your kosher rules, son?
notquitepc (2:39:03 PM): do they even make that anymore
Sandscraper (2:39:19 PM): they have to for all of those hippies who are against using plastic
Delmonico (2:39:27 PM): yeah i am a little rusty on my kosher
notquitepc (2:39:40 PM): Oh I want her to get rusty on my kosher
notquitepc (2:39:46 PM): man that was so horrid I want to take it back
Sandscraper (2:39:49 PM): haha
Sandscraper (2:40:13 PM): yeah, what's up with us today? is the dean doing some sort of magical ethical thing on us?
notquitepc (2:40:38 PM): that sounds a bit creepy G
Delmonico (2:40:40 PM): do you think the dean gets "benefits" from hottieprof ?
Delmonico (2:40:50 PM): you know for letting her teach
Sandscraper (2:41:03 PM): she isn't doing badly today
Delmonico (2:41:14 PM): i think he just bit his hand and growled at her
Sandscraper (2:41:21 PM): she seems all relaxed... probably got some good stuff from her hubby earlier
notquitepc (2:41:34 PM): hahahah
Delmonico (2:41:35 PM): her hubby huh?
Delmonico (2:41:38 PM): remember that bet?
notquitepc (2:41:41 PM): I went to her office hours
Sandscraper (2:41:47 PM): hahaha
notquitepc (2:41:47 PM): stroked her hair
Sandscraper (2:41:57 PM): what hair?
notquitepc (2:42:02 PM): then pulled it back in that pony tail
Sandscraper (2:42:04 PM): is it blond all the way?
notquitepc (2:42:07 PM): see how it looks messy
notquitepc (2:42:12 PM): come on now
notquitepc (2:42:19 PM): u know she is the SEVERELY shaved type
Sandscraper (2:42:19 PM): just wondering if she's a fake blond
Delmonico (2:42:30 PM): scorched earth
Sandscraper (2:42:34 PM): she definitely seems like she would leave a little pattern down there
notquitepc (2:42:34 PM): definitely
notquitepc (2:42:38 PM): prolly waxes herself
Sandscraper (2:42:40 PM): a sort of Mossad code
notquitepc (2:42:48 PM): nah I imagine that clean
Sandscraper (2:43:03 PM): imagining now? going back on your claims of scandal?
notquitepc (2:43:23 PM): every day I see a new kid in this bloody class
Delmonico (2:43:25 PM): nah i think she has got an employment law statute shaved in down there
notquitepc (2:43:31 PM): BFOQ
Delmonico (2:43:32 PM): that’s hot
notquitepc (2:43:34 PM): beat y'all
Sandscraper (2:43:37 PM): wow... she has a lot of hair down there then
Sandscraper (2:43:41 PM): that's pretty gross
Delmonico (2:43:50 PM): it’s all respectfully trimmed
notquitepc (2:44:02 PM): I have no response to that
Sandscraper (2:44:08 PM): like a big lawn in la jolla?
Sandscraper (2:44:46 PM): dude... the lakers pulled it off last night
Sandscraper (2:44:55 PM): they're on their way to getting beat by the clips in round 2
notquitepc (2:45:08 PM): yeh
notquitepc (2:45:16 PM): will be the greatest series ever
Sandscraper (2:45:20 PM): i know
notquitepc (2:45:21 PM): battle of the whiny fans
Delmonico (2:45:34 PM): i hate la fans
Sandscraper (2:45:36 PM): too bad it'll be right during finals... i would totally go up to see a game if i could get tix
Sandscraper (2:45:46 PM): i know, we're fair weather
Delmonico (2:45:57 PM): seattle fans would be fair weather
Delmonico (2:46:02 PM): but we dont even get fair weather
Sandscraper (2:46:09 PM): but, at least for me, i usually claim to be a clips fan just so that i have an excuse to not know what's going on in the NBA
notquitepc (2:46:37 PM): the title goes through tecas
Sandscraper (2:47:03 PM): does the title always go through texas if there's one texas team in the playoffs?
notquitepc (2:47:34 PM): ALWAYS
notquitepc (2:47:39 PM): listen clips fan
notquitepc (2:47:43 PM): when u win a series
notquitepc (2:47:48 PM): then start pretending to talk smack
Delmonico (2:47:56 PM): not at all concerned that they barely beat the kings with out artest are you?
Sandscraper (2:47:57 PM): hey! i'm satisfied with my team's generally lackluster performance
notquitepc (2:48:10 PM): we hit them by 35 with him
notquitepc (2:48:18 PM): Bring his retarded ass back
Sandscraper (2:48:28 PM): i'm not talking smack... i'm just wondering what the hell you're talking about with "the title goes through tecas (sic)"
notquitepc (2:48:38 PM): artest is one year away from bringing a gun to an arena
Delmonico (2:48:51 PM): one year?
Delmonico (2:48:54 PM): ten minutes
Delmonico (2:49:00 PM): if its not already there
notquitepc (2:49:16 PM): Mr Artest u need to leave that in the trunk
Delmonico (2:49:17 PM): though i see him using something craziert
notquitepc (2:49:17 PM): what?
notquitepc (2:49:22 PM): F U
notquitepc (2:49:24 PM): F U
notquitepc (2:49:26 PM): POW
Delmonico (2:49:26 PM): maybe a bow and arrow or a crossbow?


Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Sorry this one isnt updated

because I updated the roomie blog. On the Roomie blog I just wrote the longest blog post that I have ever authored for anyone so Diggity better be honored! It's a long read but so damn worth it.

Authoring 2 blogs is not as easy as I thought, and especially not that easy when you have so much material for one of the blogs.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

The pictures issue

I know I promised a pix blog will prolly still get to it eventually, but I have figured out in many cases why there are so many bloody pictures; I just found a group of pictures (19 in all) and they are all pictures of my beard at different angles, in a few I had stenciled my initials into the beard

A blog preview

Long time readers might remember some of my in class blogs. Well I found a convo that occured between some friends during a class that is so filthy that it will have to be cleaned before it can ever be posted and I have to get permission from the participants...but it was so damn funny that I nearly fell out of bed reading it. The stuff that was said about the dean and one of our professors left tears in my eyes. Hopefully my friends will give me permission to post it, cause the world should share in this moment!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

I am too young to have a heart attack.

So I realized a few truths today:
  • The reason that football is much more popular in the South than the west is because kids in the west get Saturday morning cartoons on every bloody channel

  • Kids in the South start there mornings with Football games on 3 of the 5 major channels and can find cartoons on the other 2.

  • The Texas game was the national morning game on ABC here in SD there was some Disney  Channel crap

  • I will sacrifice a lot for football, including walking 3/4s of a mile to a bar at 11pm to inquire if they would have the football game on in the morning

  • I then woke up at 8am to head to a bar to watch football

  • We all know what happens in bars

  • I realized that I will talk trash to anyone anywhere anytime

  • EVEN if I am the only Texas person there

  • It would be safer for me to stop watching football when I turn 60 or so, at this pace maybe 50


  • I learned that my breaking point is the 4th quarter of a football game after listening to Nebraska fans talk smack all morning about my presence as a Texas fan in a bar dominated by Nebraska folk.

  • Apparently hearing the same idiot repeatedly ask “Why is he here?” Will cause me to eventually lose it and taunt his table with the words “Look dick, we have a national title, we own you in football, no one can find your state on a map, and just because you are up in this game does not mean you will win it because you are Nebraska and What the hell is a cornhusker you damn hick?”

  • I would be better served counting the number of people I am smack talking to first and capping my number at about 5.

  • The one cute girl that was in Nebraska left, she was at the bar this morning

  • Some girls are just naturally, exhibitionists.

Let me elaborate on some things:
The heart attack comment:
Watching the game today, I literally went crazy for an hour. Texas had been dominating the game and then hit a brain freeze moment. For awhile it looked like Nebraska was going to win and I lost it. I was screaming, dancing around the bar, jumping up and down in the same spot and basically just acting the fool. If I had done that anywhere but a sports bar I would currently be in the ‘loony’ bin. It was so bad that a patron warned me that I might get kicked out of the bar if I didn’t calm down; which of course if you know me I could only reply in one fashion “Shut the hell up I am watching the damn game…step to me again and I will beat you like Texas is about to beat your team” Classy guy I am. (No I was not looking for a fight that is just how fans should talk to each other).

I seriously think that it is not safe for me to watch games as I get older, my heart cannot take it. My heart kept racing for almost an hour after the game I was that excited. When it looked for a second that we might lose, I actually sank to my knees in shock because I was so distraught – one should not get that way over a game, but it happens! The power cut off on UT’s final that would determine who would win the game – I screamed ran out of the bar to try and get a cell phone signal, ran back in to borrow a GSM phone and called my ex.

I had thought about purchasing the game, but thought better of it because I knew I might sacrifice my roomie to the Texas cause if she tried to move for the remote to change the channel, and also because she has an annoying habit in the middle of games to get up, stand infront of the TV arms akimbo to talk to her target and believe me that is not a wise thing to do during my game viewing.

Exhibitionist girls:
Anyone who has ever gone to a bar early in the morning (before 10am) knows that it is usually the hard core drinker types that are there that early. Well at about 9am 2 coeds walked in, probably barely 21 (more likely than not, younger with fake ids). There were hotties no doubt about it, but what caused all chatter in the bar to cease is that they came in wearing pajamas. Now remember I live on the beach so it is not unusual to see weird outfits at the bar, but these girls came in PJs and not the flannel “oh this looks like a shirt and pants type” they came in the “Hey if a boy is coming over tonight I should wear this to let him know what the goods look like type” Sheer and transparent was the order of the day. One girls nipples were so clear and sharply defined, I think I now know how many bumps are on it. They of course were sans underwear and it was clear that for both the carpets do match the curtains. To finally put it all in perspective the girl sitting at the table next to me muttered this “Effing strippers” that summed it all up…

GO HORNS GO! Good night!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Streaks that I love

"Texas has been ranked in the coaches' poll for 128 straight weeks, the longest current streak in the nation, and nearly 50 weeks longer than the next-longest current streak, of 79, held by Georgia." Dave Revsine

Of weapons and hairbrushes

Something spooked our dogs tonight to the point that they started barking incessantly. This lead to me leaping out of bed and grabbing weapons. I have a brand new putter though I have never played a round of golf in my life (figure it out). My roomie also grabbed a club because he was awoken by the noise too, and we went investigating (I know peeps say you should not do that but to be honest I would at least like a chance to take a swing than to get cornered in my room) thing is as we were investigating I looked down and realized that I had a golf club (suitable weapon) in my right hand and a hair brush in my left (a complete “what the hell is this” weapon). Why I grabbed the hair brush, I cannot explain.

As my roomie said when we both realized what I was holding: “Did you plan on kicking their ass and then making them pretty for the cops?”

I cannot explain the hair brush choice, but I still feel that I would have been deadly with it, should anyone have poked their head in my door at 3am, even if the worst thing I did was give them a coif that they could not be pleased with.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

To my loyal readers, I had slacked off due to work commitments

To make up for it I have posted back to back posts on to make up for my slackness! Apologies to Diggity

The "HO-zone" layer is going to be thick next Friday night!

USD LAW School is offering a prize for the Sexiest Halloween costume…hmm! Really, do we really need to encourage the young ladies to compete for the sexiest costume? Someone please tell me that we are going to add a stripper pole in the middle of the writs the Friday of Halloween so that we can hold open auditions prior to the party!

Never forget: “The tribe of extreme has risen again!”

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Crazy end to FOL

So I got called out and rightfully so for not posting a blog update to the latest FOL…in my defense I really had wanted to give more peeps time to view the madness that my friends and I witnessed on Sunday. If you do not want to know the results of the episode, I suggest you stop reading now, I also suggest that you have never read my blog b4 since I always give FOL updates so this was not a safe site to check with that all out of the way.

NY did not win! Which lead to a classic moment in TV: There is the black phrase of “Showing your ass” i.e. acting up/unruly etc and NY when Flav rejected her decided to take it to a literal meaning. Many have suggested that she is just acting for the cameras, and while I do believe that to a certain degree she is, I also firmly believe that she is genuinely crazy. I mentioned last week that my greatest fear was that she and Flav would reproduce, his not picking her lessens those chances but the fear remains because no one can convince me that NY and Flav use condoms when they “Chunk it up all night”

During the episode Flav warned NY that he did now want a woman commanding him all the time and he dropped a hint to the audience that if NY acted like her mom she would be booted. On their date Flav reminded NY that she should not act like her mom and what does NY immediately do ACTS LIKE HER DAMN MOMMA – nature vs nurture is not a debate in that family: NY has combined both it is who she is and it is how she was raised: The term bitch is thrown around too much in society and I have made a conscious effort to limit my use of the term (have not succeeded as well as my efforts to never say “Fuck or shit” in conversation, in speech or in public – that has gone 14 years now) however while watching FOL I constantly find myself staring at the screen and saying the words “wow that is a crazy bitch!” when either NY or her mom are on screen…

Quick digression I used the word ‘wow’ above but thanks to Flav I think I may start to limit my use of that term also. I have never heard a grown man use that word so much nor have I ever seen it drawn out for a minute woooooooooooooowwww…you get the picture – in the scene when Flav receives the cane from the Belize tourism group (a mark against that country in my travel plans) Flav says wow for so long that when the camera shows the face of the Belize rep he looks like he cannot believe that he drew that assignment. Props to Flav for finding a way to hold the cane backwards despite the fact that it was clearly designed to be only held one way – the man is a genius and I expect him to be up for a Nobel Prize next year, anything less is a travesty!

I loved NY pretending for what looked like about 10 minutes that she would not sleep with Flav the night b4 elimination. As soon as she initially told him that she would not sleep with him and started to walk to her room I said this to my boy “I bet she goes to her room and walks right back to Flav”. Her only major delay was for her to pack an overnight bag. I did not see that one coming, guess she needed crazy pills.

K so it is no secret that I am an intensely private person (even with a blog I still keep much hidden) hell my doctor still has not seen me naked (screw her for turning down that date…so what if it was awkward – kidding). But I do know for a fact that no one in my family has seen me naked since I was about 10 in fact I have maintained that if any of my parents fall ill I will have to get a full time nurse because I will not be able to do things like bathe a parent – not because I do not love them but because that is just not what we do as a family, nudity is just not ok with us. So maybe I am not the best to judge on what is normal nude behavior, BUT I cannot imagine that most families with 23 year old daughters have conversations between the mother and daughter that involve the daughter topless and arguing with the mom like NY did unless the conversation has words like “Does this feel like a lump” or “Is it normal for it to look like this” (Again I do not know if peeps normally talk to their parents nude, I can only say that for me it just seemed weird )

I loved NY alternately going from being friendly to Deelishus (My poor MSN word keeps making alternative word suggestions for that word) and trying to be the world’s skinniest big bitch to her, especially since at that point nothing she could do to D would affect Flav’s decision. I think that is part of the definition of being a bitch, just doing something bitchy for the hell of it, when there does not seem to be any gain to be had.

If you have read this blog anytime recently, you know that I love the chicken noodle soup dance, even if the songs lyrics are just plain retarded (funny though). But my new favorite dance is the dance that Flav did while mocking NY’s mom and gesturing towards NY…it is a combination of fanning your genitals while scratching to remove crabs all in one fluid motion  (the dance may have been borne out of a practical need). NY’s dance in response to Flav was awesome, though not the biggest fan of NY I was shocked and pleased to see that the gyal cyan whine. She did that slow grind to the floor like a certified Ho-fessional. If the reality TV thing does not work out I can definitely see her gracing the floor of Scores we already know she has G strings that can fit dollar bills.

The thing is, the person I feel most concerned about in this whole situation is not even a contestant, it is Deelishus’ daughter. Because this means that her mom is crazy enough to date Flav and Flav might now be a part of her life. Wait a minute who am I kidding, Flav is not even a part of his own kids’ lives – there is no way he takes charge of another.

Some Flavisms that I love:
“She make a brotha feel real goooood!”
“That was really broootaful” – beautiful the uneducated (or to the highly educated)
“SNOREEEEE” I have never seen a man fall asleep on so many dates – must be good to know that no matter what you do on the date you are guaranteed to get laid.
“Let me turn my clock around so that I can hug you” (when your outfit requires that you adjust a wall clock so that you can comfort or show affection it is time for you to reexamine it)
“NY you need to get the fuck out of here” So granted it is not a Flavism as such since I only heard him use it once, somehow I imagined millions across America cheering and repeating those words.

By the way for a show that so many claim to ‘scorn’ it gets HUGE ratings and very few people are ignorant of it. Like Chris Rocks analogy with the Spice Girls and crack: No one admits to using but millions are addicted.

You might have noticed not much is said about D here, but lets be honest the show was dominated by Flav and NY…no one really cares if D and Flav live happily ever after, in fact we do not expect it but we were all intrigued with what Flav and NY would do next…well next for NY is her own show! I am not sure if I will be able to stomach watching that…though I probably will to see if she becomes the first person to ever be taken of her own show for a mental breakdown!

Cheers to a great season of FOL and hopes that the reunion show will not disappoint.
Quick note: in the preview Buckwild is shown throwing something at NY. What is up with white girls constantly trying to pick fights with NY from a distance? (And did she not see what happened to Pumkin). NY is crazy and you cannot fight crazy unless you are also crazy hence the other clip that shows Bootz chasing after NY – that I can understand, cause I wouldn’t put it past Bootz or Bucky “to cut a ho!”

A Picture Share!

View from my train as I head back to San Diego. I love Cali.

Things I learned partying for fashion week in Hollywood…

  • When a ‘celebrity is rolling with his entourage, pushing him out of the way to get to the restroom is not the best idea

  • Staring at a girl and licking your lips (albeit unconsciously) is definitely a come hither technique

  • When your friends drink a lot – “Man I could get my ass kicked for saying this” is not capable of being whispered by them

  • A party hosted by rappers tends to have some hot females!

  • The black guy from Reno 911 is not as tall as I thought he was

  • The black guy from Reno 911 is as cool as he seems on TV

  • The black guy from Reno 911 has chicks throwing their panties at him

  • The black guy from Reno 911 is cool with people coming up and saying “Hey this might be a bad question but…are you on TV”

  • The black guy from Reno 911 is pretty damn recognizable and is cool with being called “The black guy from Reno 911”

  • I look damn good in Canary yellow…glad I went with that and not sea foam green

  • Rolling to the club with the WHITE GUY is awesome…so often in San Diego I am THE BLACK GUY it was kind of funny to watch my friend become the minority in the club

  • Watching my friend stare at “black bootie” was worth standing in line even though we were on the guest list

  • Greg’s addition “The girl in the white shirt was hot, that’s all that I can remember”

The Black guy from Reno 911

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

What the hell is happening in College Football?

Fights every week and arrests Brawls, riots look at what this guy is doing, the opponent is on the ground with his helmet off and yet still he delivers a kick...

And of course the now classic fight footage hate to say is since it will sound like I condone the fight, but damn it I am pretty certain that if I was in a fight my teammates would jump in and vice just got extremely ugly here!

Ab abusu ad usum non valet consequential

I am becoming more and more wary of Americans and American celebrities going to “poor countries” and ‘adopting’ babies. Something about the process leaves me queasy, I think much of it is the whole feeling of something that is too easily acquired is not as easily prized.

I also look at some of the parents that are adopting and I am so nervous about how these kids will turn out…Angelina Jolie (remember the blood vial necklaces, the taking another woman’s man and the all around general craziness of her life plus her family history with her own dad) Madonna (do I have to list all the crazy things not least among them her adopting a British accent after spending only 2 weeks in Britain) and Michael Jackson…

This one needs its own paragraph…Now I do not know for certain if he ever diddled any of those kids that accused him, in fact I feel some of those were blatant lies: I do know that nothing on earth could persuade me to ever leave a kid at MJ’s house and that includes the kids of my enemies. In fact I am wary of even taking a kid with me if I went to MJ’s house and that would be with me there. But truth to ALL the rumors or not MJ is not at this point someone who should be able to get a child, yet he may soon adopt a new kid from the ‘third world’ because of course no reputable American agency would let him adopt here. By the way I find it hard to believe that he is dressing in drag and going out shopping.

Thing is, I am sure there is much good in programs that allow people to adopt children that are impoverished etc but in many ways I see so much potential for abuse and in so many of these stories I read that the celebrity was allowed to circumvent the rules by paying out high amounts of cash…it just worries me!

Yo Meatball!

This is tonight's party..."Confirmed & Special Invited Celebrity Guests Include:
Lil Jon, Too Short, Polow (Producer for Fergie, PCD's), Terry Kennedy, Tony Rock, Damien Wayans, George Gore II, Deray Davis, Maurice Green and more...."

How do you like the fact that, that list appears to be a list starting with "Oh cool lil John" and descending to "Who the hell is Deray Davis? and Maurice Green the runner?"

A game I hate and love

This damn game, I have not beaten it yet. In fact I have not played it for about 7 months just because I needed a break from it, so far the best I have ever done is 8 maxed out of the 10. It is great for in class play though which is why I had to step away from it. Between it and the literati it was really slowing down my in class blogging.

You know it is a good work week night...

When your friends and colleagues are passed out on the living room floor and in beds and it has nothing to do with fatigue,...Here's to free booze and appetizers at album release parties...and here's to mid week free parties

Monday, October 16, 2006

In class blogging continued...

DAR-KER (3:10:37 PM): did u just say darkie?
DAR-KEY(3:11:30 PM): it's the darkie vs. the Jew for best milf of the year!
DAR-KER (3:11:38 PM): oh man
DAR-KER (3:11:44 PM): you are going to hell
DAR-KEY(3:11:48 PM): i know, on the fast track
WHY-T (3:11:23 PM): i feel like she should be wearing one of those ridiculous horse riding helmets and have the little baton thingy
WHY-T (3:12:00 PM): how many people in this class actually pay attention?
DAR-KEY(3:12:08 PM): i'm totally paying attention to her boobs
WHY-T (3:12:25 PM): like i said earlier she is disappointingly unracktackular
WHY-T (3:14:06 PM): she just got off her horse
DAR-KER (3:14:26 PM): you have an unhealthy equestrian fascination
DAR-KEY(3:14:41 PM): dude... yeah, man...
WHY-T (3:14:44 PM): it’s her fucking pants no one has pants that ride that high anymore
WHY-T (3:15:05 PM): i am not even sure they make them anymore
DAR-KEY(3:15:09 PM): she wants to show off her ass
WHY-T (3:15:21 PM): she should get an ass then
DAR-KER (3:16:21 PM): you know I have got to work on not having such an incredulous look when peeps volunteer in this class
DAR-KEY(3:16:32 PM): yeah, man
WHY-T (3:16:45 PM): just stop paying attention altogether
WHY-T (3:16:50 PM): that’s my technique
DAR-KER (3:18:09 PM): $10 to the guy who slaps her on the ass
DAR-KER (3:18:16 PM): when you walk up there
WHY-T (3:18:31 PM): just give her an ass slap and say good lecture
DAR-KEY(3:18:32 PM): oh my GOD... i think that's a way to not graduate
WHY-T (3:18:37 PM): act like it is totally normal
DAR-KER (3:18:38 PM): name your price
DAR-KER (3:18:40 PM): I will pay
DAR-KEY(3:18:52 PM): $35,000 for another year of law school
DAR-KER (3:18:58 PM): uh
DAR-KER (3:19:01 PM): maybe not that high
DAR-KEY(3:19:02 PM): actually $100K for another three years at another law school
WHY-T (3:19:19 PM): plus attorney fees for the resultant lawsuit
DAR-KER (3:19:42 PM): LY-TER: dude, i will pay too
WHY-T (3:21:22 PM): i hope the people behind either 1. cant read this, or 2, arent offended by this
WHY-T (3:21:32 PM): 3. actually i dont care
DAR-KER (3:24:37 PM): in regards to the picture: LY-TER: that's a good question, what is she holding? i'm thinking vandersexxx all of a suddn
WHY-T (3:25:04 PM): nice eurotrip reference
DAR-KER (3:25:32 PM): care to yawn a bit louder?
DAR-KEY(3:25:42 PM): haha
DAR-KEY(3:25:44 PM): yes
DAR-KER (3:25:53 PM): why not raise your hands above your head
DAR-KER (3:25:56 PM): and stretch
DAR-KER (3:25:58 PM): while doing it
DAR-KER (3:26:05 PM): and dont 4get to SCRATCH
WHY-T (3:26:18 PM): and a booyeah
WHY-T (3:27:36 PM): i swear to god if you ask about it i will fucking end you
DAR-KER (3:27:37 PM): why do I suddenly feel unsafe
DAR-KEY(3:27:38 PM): i think we can squash him
DAR-KER (3:27:47 PM): Is this the 60's
DAR-KEY(3:27:50 PM): because you're surrounded by ENEMIES
DAR-KER (3:27:53 PM): Y'all know my peeps are FREE
WHY-T (3:27:56 PM): it may have to be
DAR-KEY(3:28:00 PM): free to die, bitch!
DAR-KER (3:28:02 PM): separate but equal
WHY-T (3:28:35 PM): protect fellow slackers
DAR-KER (3:28:59 PM): I think I may have to leave
WHY-T (3:29:01 PM): plus your lack of mustachioedness is disappointing after regaling you with the WBC (editor’s note - world beard championship)
DAR-KEY(3:29:04 PM): i've just been looking for an excuse for a few months now so it's not upgraded to a hate crime
DAR-KER (3:29:14 PM): oh man
DAR-KER (3:29:22 PM): all 3 of us just laughed as she looked up
WHY-T (3:29:31 PM): and we have entered that zone that we have insulted every possible sensibility
WHY-T (3:29:36 PM): wait except for midgets
WHY-T (3:29:39 PM): fucking midgets
DAR-KEY(3:29:43 PM): midgets?
DAR-KEY(3:29:45 PM): what?
WHY-T (3:29:50 PM): wait
WHY-T (3:29:56 PM): i cant say any-thing bad about midgets
WHY-T (3:30:01 PM): they are always funny
DAR-KEY(3:30:05 PM): yeah, man, they don't have to go down as far
DAR-KER (3:30:15 PM): and the leader in the club house
WHY-T (3:30:20 PM): and we have officially antagonized everyone
WHY-T (3:30:29 PM): wow
WHY-T (3:30:33 PM): that was impressive
DAR-KER (3:30:38 PM): how many times is the girl in-front of me going to look back
DAR-KER (3:30:44 PM): we have bashed races
DAR-KER (3:30:47 PM): ethnicities
DAR-KER (3:30:49 PM): dorks
DAR-KER (3:30:51 PM): what’s left?
DAR-KEY(3:30:56 PM): women?
DAR-KEY(3:30:57 PM): oh wait
WHY-T (3:31:24 PM): yeah they lost the genetic lottery
WHY-T (3:35:42 PM): i doubt that he has much of a midget readership they can’t reach the keyboard to type in the website
DAR-KEY(3:36:01 PM): yeah, they probably can't see over the desks
WHY-T (3:36:02 PM): with their wee little hands and their trex arms
DAR-KER (3:36:22 PM): you 2 should be banned from the net
Some new kid suddenly appeared to give a presentation
DAR-KER (3:36:41 PM): Seriously Who is this kid talking
WHY-T (3:36:53 PM): is he even in this class
DAR-KER (3:36:56 PM): it's like we have a guest speaker
WHY-T (3:36:58 PM): or did he just show up today
DAR-KEY(3:37:03 PM): where was he sitting?
WHY-T (3:37:13 PM): fuck if i know
DAR-KER (3:37:13 PM): behind you in the spare seat I don’t think he even has a spot…HE OWNS THE SUPPLEMENT?
DAR-KEY(3:37:30 PM): hm there's a supplement?
DAR-KER (3:37:40 PM): now I know he isn’t in this class
WHY-T (3:38:05 PM): he probably just slept at a holiday inn express
DAR-KER (3:38:32 PM): Am I wrong for thinking the AZN chick would be so tappable if she put on make up and smiled
WHY-T (3:38:48 PM): i dont think she knows what a smile is
DAR-KER (3:38:53 PM): 2 out of 3 of those chicks I would sling mad dick to
WHY-T (3:39:16 PM): that is more true than you might imagine
DAR-KEY(3:39:26 PM): cept for people of your creed, they're all good to me
WHY-T (3:39:57 PM): we have crossed a record number of lines today
DAR-KER (3:40:05 PM): do u see how long that neck is?
WHY-T (3:40:05 PM): we should be proud of what we have accomplished
DAR-KER (3:40:09 PM): u know what that means
DAR-KER (3:40:10 PM): DEEP
DAR-KER (3:40:14 PM): finish it for me
WHY-T (3:40:15 PM): she is susceptible to choke holds
DAR-KER (3:40:36 PM): as to crossing lines
DAR-KER (3:40:42 PM): we are practically illegals by now
WHY-T (3:41:07 PM): yeah, but i am unwilling to pick apples
WHY-T (3:41:12 PM): or hang out at hoome depot
DAR-KER (3:41:58 PM): this chick is doing hand gestures
WHY-T (3:42:05 PM): yeah
DAR-KER (3:42:06 PM): she did the how big is it move
DAR-KER (3:42:16 PM): that’s the nut cupper
DAR-KER (3:42:56 PM): is that chic wearing a skirt? That’s awesome skirts are hot
DAR-KEY(3:43:11 PM): she's cute
DAR-KER (3:43:13 PM): u can lift them up
WHY-T (3:43:23 PM): that cracks me up
DAR-KER (3:44:04 PM): she is a ho
DAR-KER (3:44:07 PM): look at that tan line
DAR-KER (3:44:16 PM): she moves her top to try to tan evenly
DAR-KER (3:45:08 PM): you are kidding
DAR-KER (3:45:49 PM): Did you tap her?
WHY-T (3:45:58 PM): not that you know
DAR-KER (3:46:01 PM): hahahah
DAR-KER (3:46:04 PM): so thats a yes?
WHY-T (3:46:10 PM): i was durnk
DAR-KER (3:46:11 PM): nice
WHY-T (3:46:15 PM): really drunk
DAR-KER (3:46:26 PM): nice rack
DAR-KEY(3:46:31 PM): good job!

A mini banter between some of the participants prior to the main event
Dar-ker (2:36:20 PM): hahahah
Dar-ker (2:42:42 PM): did the lime tree you stole that shirt from retaliate by giving u that dark streak across the front?
Dar-key (2:43:03 PM): WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU????
Dar-ker (2:43:53 PM): dude that is a LIME GREEN SHIRT
Dar-key (2:44:54 PM): and you wear pink
Darker (2:44:59 PM): Touche

Saturday, October 14, 2006

I am often asked by peeps when I get mad about racism...

What do I know about the struggle? Or Didn't you go to UT that school has a lot of black students... Well truth is, as much as I LOVED TEXAS I still recognized much of its faults and this incident from our law school is just an indication of the problems my school still faces.

I have chosen in my life in America to live in 2 of the whitest cities in America and have loved my time in both but that does not mean that I am blind to the social ills of first night ever in San Diego I was called a nigger "Welcome to the south"?

I may not be a soldier on the frontline of the race war but I am keenly aware that people are still stupid. I say stupid because RACISTS ARE STUPID...

I cannot imagine being racist (if you have seen my track record of dating you will know that I am doing my part to mingle the races as much as possible) it just seems dumb to think that someone is inferior just because of their skin color (gender maybe - sorry couldn't resist the jab: WNBA still sucks). No one is inferior because of their race, learn that and you will have a better life.

(And I do not believe, that women are inferior - I have to say that because I know that what I said above will be completely ignored and I will be attacked for hating women - Love y'all, call me I am free and back in SD, Wednesday night $2 you call its)

Friday, October 13, 2006

A Picture Share!

My current speed on the HIGHWAY. You have to love cali. Only a good friend could get me to do this

A Picture Share!

Bit scary now.

A Picture Share!

City planners in la. Think she likes pink?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Finally an update to...

Diggity Dogg's blog aka

Love Thursday

So Kami posts a pix every Thursday of peeps showing love/Affection, I have too many pictures to go through but this I think works as a starter

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

How does a Plane get into Manhattan?

Yankee pitcher Cory Lidle died today when he crashed his small plane into a 50 story condominium on Manhattan's upper east side.

Indeed it is a tragedy, but the scary thing is the questions that it leaves us.

R.I.P. Bevo XIII

The Bevo I call my Bevo; since he was the mascot I knew my college years has died. I love that this is a story on ESPN and I love that they mentioned what he did to Nebraska's logo!

Oh well at least he will not be eaten like the original Bevo was taken care off

May have to create a new blog

So I loaded Adobe photoshop on the good ole lappy and foumd over 3000 pictures and just skimming through the first couple hundred or so I found myself laughing so hard that I realized at some point I have to share more of these with the world. There are some crazy pictures of all my friends from the ATX days to the Europe trip to all the bars that we as a group have visited.

- There could be an entire slide show of just crazy faces that Sand Assassin makes
- There is definitely room for a Cali-J "mean mugging" section
- There is the "did my boy really hook up with that chick" section
- Near to my heart there is the "She was cute, what the hell happened section"
--- Please note that this section can mean what the hell happened to make her now look like that or what the hell happened I am an idiot for not starting a relationship/sustaining a relationship or getting in a relationship
- There is also a section called "Please take me back"
- So many of my peeps just look plastered in some of the pictures and some have the hand up to the camera in the desperate "Please do not take me looking like this" however in so many of them the person was too drunk to accurately block the picture...
- There also happens to be a whole section of public nudity (I went to school in a liberal college town) I do not think that, that portion will make the blog...private nudity well that is another story

The more I think about this the more I realize that I will have to post some of these pictures

Just an example of the joy that could be the way I know this is a horrible pix but I had to suffer so now you do too!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Ah Halloween approaches

The time when women can dress like whores and get away with it...yes it might not be PC to say it, but if you doubt me scan whatever halloween party you attend this year. The best part about it, is the costumes are definitely encouraged - "the sluttier the better." I know for a fact that the last few times I have been stopped by female cops they did not have fuzzy handcuffs, skin tight uniforms and boobs scrunched so tight that they could "pop out of a turtle neck".

But we guys are just as bad, so many pimp outfits show up that night...real pimps must be so proud.

An amazing video, a cyclist outruns cops on a highway!

I wish I had this guy's speed on a bike!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Happy Birthday DAD!


Props to AL for his post

On Myroomie is crazy I completely agree that when your results come out, the lover should be lower on the list than parents and friends!

Not a great episode of FOL since it was all recap stuff

But I did learn something new...this show keeps you on your toes. I had never before heard of Pigeon Milk and when NY's dad said it last night I thought he was just drunk but apparently it is legit! The man is so hen pecked it is no wonder he wants to drink Pigeon's milk

Wonder if that goes well with my "Chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side"

Sunday, October 08, 2006

I will never understand women!

Losing a friend sucks: Having to delete them from your phone because you now know that you cannot communicate sucks; but having to do that knowing that you have not done anything wrong makes everything feel worse.

Saturday, October 07, 2006


WE KILLED OU! Colt McCoy has become a cult hero.

My prediction holds true!

I have maintained for years that the Yankees will never win a World Series with A - Rod!

Horrible parents...

Parents need to stop naming their kids after their obsessions

Thanks for the link Minh

R.I.P. Buck O' Neil

Great baseball pioneer, who should be in the H.O.F.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Heard a brand new Tupac track today...and some people should not park cars

Nearly crashed the car when the announcer said, here is that new Tupac produced by Swizz beats. Oh Biggie if you had only spent more time in the studios and less time at Red lobster we could have had so much more new music from you also.

When I got to LA peeps were telling me how tough it would be to drive here, but after living in Jamaica and driving in SD, LA seems rather tame. The only 2 crazy incidents I have seen have both occurred with women (not trying to be sexist but they were too funny not to post)

Incident 1. I stopped at a red light and while waiting there all of a sudden my car shuddered from an impact, I looked right to see this woman jogger coming towards me, coming, coming and then wham…she ran right into my stopped car. Now bear in mind I am not even the car in the cross walk, I am the 2nd car, so this meant that she left the cross walk to cut through cars and managed to hit mine. She must have no depth perception at all, because she did not appear to veer at all. She hit so hard that she was slumped over the car and the car shook – thankfully it is a rental or I would have been pissed, instead all I could do was laugh.

Incident 2. Parking lot:
You know those yellow mini curbs that they have at parking spots to stop your wheels so that u do not pull up too far. Well this lady pulled up and at first was just edging up. I paused to let her get in the space as I was walking to my car. She edged all the way up till her wheels gently touched the curb. Then a look of confusion came over her face, and she revved the engine. The car is of course now straining against the curb. She then seems to snap. She puts the car in reverse and peels backwards nearly hitting this lady pushing her cart. She then stops about a car length back from the spot, stares hard at it (in my mind I am thinking “NO WAY is she going to do what I think”) she then slams on the gas and pulls forward so hard and fast that the wheels of course slam into the curb and jump it. This cause the front of the car to lift up and then fall back down to earth with the front wheels now in front of the curb and she barely misses slamming into the wall. She then gets out of her car and calmly closes the door and walks off.

I stand and stare for a bit because I just saw a fairly new BMW treated like it was a rally car and I am for the life of me trying to figure out what she is going to do when she is ready to leave. I was so tempted to just sit there and wait for her to come back and get the car but curses to the working life I had to go about my business.

I know I have only been in LA a few days, but hey maybe that is what passes for parking here in West Hollywood!

Teachers packing HEAT!

I wonder if the rest of his party is wishing that he had not said anything!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

A Picture Share!

Ah los angeles traffic where it takes me one hour to travel exactly 5.2 miles. At least i get to stare at this guy revving his engine and going nowhere.

Diggity wrote his first post

I am rather proud of him!

Clearly there should be a test

Before some people should be allowed to become parents! I bet they next ban carrying brown bag lunches because they promote racial tensions.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

FOL update, NY better not win!

First let me note, my boys and I now watch this like we are watching the Superbowl, we laugh, we cringe at big hits and we pause it if we have to do something mundane like take a leak.

So off the bat I knew this was going to be a great episode, how could it not be, NY’s mom was coming back? She hated Flav and we all know it (in this episode her words to Flav “You are trying to destroy me!”)

So Flav brought out all his kids to meet the girls and their parents. To be honest I felt a bit sickened by this because it felt like exploitation, especially knowing the fact that flav has been less than stellar with his child support payments it was not good seeing his kids on his show. But then I heard the names of the kids and it made it all worthwhile.

NY is by far the craziest woman on earth and her mom is the bitchiest! A lot of peeps claim this “Oh now I see why NY is the way she is” Ok yes that is true we see where it comes from but it does not excuse her actions. I do love that they kept replaying her sounds from last weeks “Chunking” incident. How are you going to talk to the man’s kids and use the phrase “I am the HBIC” Damn fool!

No shock that Krazy is out of there, guess there goes all that studio money…I give it 2 months before she is a ‘video ho’ my boy G predicts that she is never heard from again.

I truly want Flav to pick Deelishus, not because I care so much about her future with flav and blah blah etc, but rather because I am afraid of what kids made by Flav and NY would be like…the world is not ready for that yet

Mr. Foley you are a dirty old man

So Drudge report I am not, hell I am probably hours late on this one, but SA sent me this link and it is a part of the story that I had not yet seen.

He exchanged sex-IMs with little boys while voting was being done on the floor of congress!

I read a few of the IMs and then could read no more...there is a click to read more portion but I refuse to click for more, I already feel dirty after the first batch

To all fans of beer

Start crying! Sand Assassin sent this to me, something tells me his keyboard is soaked in tears.

Working sucks

Even more so when its 2am and you still have crap to do...will blog about F.O.L. deserves a moment when I have more than 10 minutes to spare. If you have not seen this week's episode I urge you to see it, it is a study in family values

And in the no one saw this coming bracket

I nominate Bobby Brown's latest arrest!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Today's lunch

"Chicken noodle soup, with a soda on the side" DJ Webstar

I actually had that for lunch and of course now I am starving...if you have not heard that song you should check it out and here is a vid of it

My jamaican peeps might recognize the 'let it rain portion'

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About Me

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.