Infrequently updated consistently funny

Monday, December 27, 2004

I must be losing my mind!

Did I really call from Jamaica on my Sprint cell phone? Can anyone tell me what the roaming charges on such a call is? Oh well I got love for my peeps: Jamaica is crazy the parties are off the hook the pics I am getting are amazing and so far I have not gotten shot. The fassy dem did tief mi sister car on christmas eve so more on that when I have time and the use of my own internet connection but till den I hope a hollow point finds dem fassy.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Fire bun di fassy dem!

So in my rush to pack I threw a gift for my mom in a bag and then at the airport ended up checking in that bag, and the fassy dem tek the gift outta mi bag. They had the audacity to leave the packaging of the gift but removed the actual gift, thankfully my other gifts were not removed and I have another gift for mom but seriously if you robbing people during xmas time you are begging to get a shot inna yu batty. Worst part of it was that on the drive home an Air J ad came over the radio telling people to make sure to pack their jewelry in their check in luggage...are you serious?

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Calijamaican

Actually in JAMAICA! Have fun this XMAS everyone!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Gucci, Fendi and Prada bags

Guess it means the undergrads have finals and have decided to invade our library once again. I think I missed the memo that makes running shorts and a tank top the outfit of choice at 2am in winter for jogging. Forget the fact that back to back nights, at school I have seen single women jogging, but to do so in clothes that look like they would be cold mid summer is just crazy. Do those lil plastic shorts actually have a heater in them that I cant see cause I don’t care how fast u run that bloody fog is COLD.

Am I mean?

I have been told recently by 2 different sources that I can be mean. Could this be true, is making fun of someone directly to their face mean or just an expression of the love that u have for your friends? Oh well, that being said come on seriously undergrad using the law library did you really need FOUR cushions for your chair? I can understand the one for the back but 3 for the bootie? C'mon now I saw what you were working with, you did not need more than one cushion.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Middle of the exam!

Yeh so Im in the middle of an exam and all I can think is WOW...I know nothing. Help someone it's 2.40pm and I need an answer to EVERYTHING. Cant wait to finish the rest of this exam. And for my boy Greg where is Hot girl in the back row. HG in the BR!

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Ah yes, classic lyrics.

"Donkey donkey, donkey everywhere, she cant even fit all of it in the chair" Ah I love late night rap music: 'They wanna chew me, they just love the ghetto booty' How can u beat that?

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Cal is good...?

So is it any coincidence that BALCO was located in the bay area and a school from that area suddenly had a resurgence of their football program? I know, I know, I’m just being facetious so don’t get mad. But its kind of funny that California sports has had a bit of an upswing the last few years. USC was down and now back on top, the Dodgers got decent, the Giants made a charge at the world series, and the Angels won a worlds series. I mean come on the ANGELS; the rally monkey alone couldn’t have done that. Clearly of course the Clip joint, Stanford and 49ers are not on the juice. Not sure about the Chargers they are pretty good this year could they have gotten the last batch?
- So weird to think that the original boy band (New Edition) is now a part of the Bad Boy record label. Puffy lost Da Band and got N.E. Oh yeah and don’t forget Bad Boy also had Jodeci.
- And just a reminder; just cause Dylan from Da Band sings reggae and has an accent does not make him Jamaican; He is from Grenada, let them claim him.

Friday, December 10, 2004

I hate Tax...paying it that is!

Tis the season for giving, but receiving’s aite! Sorry that u can’t go to the holiday bowl girl. I guess I will just have to settle for giving u the other crappy gift I have for you. Some quick random musings:
- Why is Time Warner advertising DVR using hockey don’t they know about the strike?
- If tax isn’t on the bar, Y am I forced to do it?
- If your JOB is to play a SPORT should u really be claiming that is a “tremendous sacrifice to take a 24% cut in salary when the average salary is in the millions for a sport that is losing its fan base?
- Y is there not more of a crack down on spyware?
- Can we not make a law that anyone who puts out spyware/viruses should be forcibly separated from their genitals?
- Was anyone really surprised by the baseball steroids issue?
- Could OJ really have done it?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Aww Skeet Skeet!

Amazing how that word has taken over. Peeps are still screaming it and I am certain alot of peeps screaming it still dont even know what they are saying. Like Chappelle said it’s amazing that they allow you to say it on the radio. Why is it that peeps give you some of the ugliest looks when they are passing by your cubicle in the library? If they were giving me looks of amazement that I could understand, because I am always shocked when I am in the library but what’s up with all these mad looks like they are going to step to you if u even dare to say res judicata. For a certain lucky Cal fan who is currently mad at me, if I were you I would clear my calendar for Dec 30th at 2.30pm and make sure that I am in San Diego. Nuff said, back to the books, Santa Clause has to study. Ever seen a grown man cry? Want to? Come see me after IP and tax.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Shout out...

Happy Birthday Johanna and congrats on the new addition to the family.

Why must you lie to ME!

You know maybe I’m weird but I can forgive a liar. I can forgive a liar, maybe because I joke around so much that to me a lie is often just a joke w/o a punch line. What I cant forgive is those who after the lie has been discovered stretch it out. Like currently someone is playing a prank on one of my boys and myself and u know what that one while not funny, is cool cause neither of us has discovered the culprit; so, though the joke is wearing a bit thin now, I am fine with it because it’s a joke and we have not caught the person performing it. But when I have caught you in a lie and I give you opportunities to come clean, don’t use double speak. Don’t try to answer select portions of questions and then claim that you answered the entire question. There are so many beautiful features to you, but apparently honesty isn’t one. But how could u help it? Your in law school isn’t that what we are taught? Evade every question and lie your ass off for the client. “If you aint cheating you aint trying” huh? Where did I go wrong with you, did I not give you an open and clear atmosphere for you to tell me things? Maybe next time I will just read your mind that might be easier. And damn it it's almost 4am and I cant sleep!

Monday, December 06, 2004

Life isn't a bed of Roses!

At least not for Cal! So it sucks for Cal, I understand that: But please don’t give me the “we deserve it more than Texas” line. Its hard to say that either of us deserves it more than another. The ones you should be irate at are teams like Pitt, Va Tech and Michigan. Be mad that the BCS has so many dumb rules that allow a team ranked #21 in the BCS to slip ahead of a team ranked #5; there should be no tie in Bowls. Winning a weak conference like the Big East should not give u an auto bid. I have said from the beginning that I think Cal is a good team, I don’t think they are a better team than Texas. I have told many of you, my dream match-ups have been OU v USC, AU v Utah and TX V Cal. Let the un-defeated rumble and let the 2 best one loss teams in the nation duke it out for supremacy.

Do I think TX can beat Cal? YES. Am I sure? No. It’s impossible to tell. For all those saying oh Cal almost beat USC, well almost doesn’t count. UCLA almost beat USC (if the ref knew what a fumble looked like) does that mean UCLA is as good as Cal? Maybe USC had a bad game when they played Cal while Cal had to play their ass off to match up with them on a bad day. There are so many what ifs. So if you don’t win u cant tell me u were better than they are and u cant use that as your consolation, because consolation gets you the holiday bowl as I well know as a TX fan. We have suffered for 3 years what Cal is now suffering, lose to your rival and it breaks your heart and your season. I am not gloating though well I should after all the grief yall have given me week after week every time the BCS came out and Cal was ahead of us. My heart aches for you because I know what its like to just miss out. But don’t look for love when it comes to the Rose bowl. Tradition is over: The Pac 10 no longer is guaranteed the Rose Bowl and no one should be. The system is flawed but don’t blame Texas for doing what it had to do. Hopefully next year its Cal v TEXAS for the national championship: the 2 flagship schools of the 2 big football states going at it…now that’s a dream match-up. Till then sorry Cal and HOOK ‘EM HORNS!

Saturday, December 04, 2004

BCS

Just wish they would stop fronting and drop the C out of those 3 letters. So tommorrow at 2pm pacific the results come out and determine which school gets that at large bid. I am biased, but I believe Texas should get it, if as the Cal coach said today its about consistency then we should get it, we have had 4 straight 10 win seasons and this was another good one. Sucks that a weak conference can have 2 good teams trounce it and inflate numbers and have that help their poll positions. Nothing against Cal or USC because u cannot dictate your conference but, I feel that many of their numbers are inflated. Beating southern miss proved nothing in terms of Cals power; if they are as good as the claim is, in a game that had so many eyes on it and had so much riding on it and was against a weak team there whould have been a stomping not a scrape through. Plus it would be so funny if the Rose bowl had 2teams whose fans travel in such massive numbers like Texas' and Michigan's, while the Cal fans would have to drive past them on their way to San Diego for the Holiday bowl. The only team with blue and gold in Pasadena should be Michigan. Though thats another issue; weak conference winners like Pitt, Mich, V-Tech, should not be getting automatic bids while a team like either Cal or Texas and Louisville have to scrap for an at large. Take the C out and lets call the thing what it really is.

Gets better with Age?

No G it nah go so! You cant mack with a woman whose older than our combined ages and expect me not to call u out. Yeh yeh they say the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice, but if the berry is old enough to make wine what do you do? so you gave her your number and she has a son that is your age, its all good, maybe if you go visit her you and her kid can play xbox while she naps. Hey man its cool every law student wants a sugar momma, now u truly have a momma. Anyway 2nite was fun, great to celebrate my girls B-day sucks that your actually day falls during exams. Luv ya anyway. Nothing like having a bar tab, but damn some of my peeps have expensive tastes. By the way at 4.30 pm on Saturday 12/5/04 F.U.CAL

Friday, December 03, 2004

AIDS was created to erase Black People!

NO. Because it was world AIDS day yesterday I figured I would visit this story. This theory has floated around for many years now and gained significant coverage when Wangari Maathai, the first African woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize, claimed that AIDS was a deliberately created biological agent. Her words;
"Some say that AIDS came from the monkeys, and I doubt that because we have been living with monkeys (since) time immemorial, others say it was a curse from God, but I say it cannot be that. "Us black people are dying more than any other people in this planet,"
I personally cannot believe that AIDS was created by the white man or any man in an attempt to take out black people. If you’r smart enough to have the bio engineering skills to create such a powerful weapon as AIDS you would not be dumb enough to unleash it w/o a control, to release it and have it spread in such a manner. There is no control for AIDS it is not a direct target and it’s not a fast killer. It affects us all; there was never any chance of it just remaining in Africa it was guaranteed to spread. I refuse to think that anyone was ever so heinous to release a disease that would have the potential to kill so wantonly and would have a chance to backfire like this. But, I might be wrong. I doubt it, but hey I might be. Here is a little clip I took from a website
In 1999, Afrikan-Americans [sic] and Hispanics accounted for almost 70 percent of new HIV infections. On the contrary, it is very ironic, albeit strange, that 'death rates in Europe of people infected with the virus that causes AIDS have fallen 84 percent since 1985'.30 The reality is that whereas two-thirds of the people in the world infected with AIDS are in sub-Saharan Afrika,[sic] only about 2 percent is in Western Europe.”
http://www.trinicenter.com/kwame/2001/nov/152001.htm Hmm makes conspiracy theories look more plausible?
“How is it in a 10 min span late at night I can make 3 persons mad at me while the rest of the world peacefully sleeps?” Calijamaican at 1am.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Drink with Professors

So drinking with a professor is a trip; you get to hear personal stories about other profs and info about the best things to do to make money off of other people. Please yall cut and paste this link into your browser u will enjoy what u see; http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/manofthehouse/index.html

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About Me

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.