Infrequently updated consistently funny

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Damn it girls winter is coming and I need to study COVER UP!

Damn the girls in the LRC are looking fine today. I am beginning to wonder if it’s because I want to do anything but write my paper that makes the young ladies look like such delectable nectar and I a starving honey bee (and yes I am a Zoologist so I know that only female bees go looking for nectar, just deal with the analogy damn it – though it’s kind of cool that the males’ jobs are solely to mate with the queen [except for that whole part about dying rather after mating and those that don’t mate eventually get driven out to perish outside the hive but other than those minor details…great life]) can only stare.

Shout out to Da Sand Assassin, great job in class today, shocked the hell out of us all.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

The school is looking rather festive, because of course the Christmas season is already here. It seems as if every year Xmas comes even earlier and every year I become more and more jaded about it. Here in San Diego Christmas lights for some of my neighbors have been up since the 2nd week of November, way too early. Xmas is now so much more about competition; to get customers; to have the best lights; to have the most decorations; to be the first station to play Xmas carols; to buy presents b4 everyone else; to be the first to forget that it is supposed to be the season that we remember the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I think because I get so mad at what I see, I myself often lose sight of the season because I try to shut out all the crap that seems to come with it. Of course since I am the world’s greatest procrastinator, I now have a massive paper due on a dark topic (Sexual Abuse and repressed memories) and I have to walk through all this cheery stuff to go get it done. Oh well I guess that is what caffeine was created for (and yes I know it’s a naturally occurring substance) by the good people at Diet Cola grand national corporation of the Americas.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

A Picture Share!

No officer I did not have anything to drink. But my passengers whew... Thats what you are smelling, not me. Walk this line? Uh can I pass?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

9am est The massacre begins!


Everyone makes them so here is mine!

Things I am thankful for
This is by no means an extensive list just the ones I can think of right now

  • I am thankful that I am so stuffed that typing this is a slow process

  • I am thankful that despite being sick to start this week I basically have my health

  • I am thankful that the Fam back home is safe despite the escalating violence (with 40 days left in the year Jamaica has gotten to 1476 murders)

  • I am thankful that I realized that I can just put… and y’all will realize that I mean I am thankful

  • …that Becky’s family took me in this year

  • that football is always on

  • that no matter how broke I might be right now I am still not starving

  • that I discovered Texas before A & M

  • that I didn’t end up going to school on the East Coast

  • that no matter how dumb I might act, my friends still care

  • no matter how dumb they are I love them

  • family means more than just a title

  • I have managed to avoid being shot despite running my mouth off a ton

  • I have managed to enjoy law school

  • The majority of my friends passed the Bar

  • We finally “Beat the hell out of OU”

  • That the tradition  continues Texas v A & M Thanksgiving holiday weekend

  • Alcohol + copious amounts of drugs (prescription) has not yet = death

  • Despite that above mix my friends still care enough to check up on me when I say I am sick

  • that her dad didn’t find out

  • that no one knows who that one is about

  • though I may forget names I do not forget faces

  • I no longer live with my parents

  • They still care enough to try and ground me

  • That I am old enough to realize that I cannot be grounded (though sometimes I forget for a second and panic)

  • Lanelle drove me up so I didn’t have to drive to The Valley

  • Lotion was invented cause damn The Valley is dry: A brother gets ashy in a second up here

  • Those who hate me really can’t affect my life

  • I have not become so cold that peeps hating me does not affect me

  • I have managed to surround myself with good people

  • I care enough about my peeps that I have nicknamed almost everyone

  • Small sampling of names: Sand Assassin; the Devil /Robin; the roomie; of the; Silent Assassin; Becks; Tiff (ok so some aren’t names but contractions but damn it I am lazy); May she R.I.P.; Marky Marc; Semi adopted; Nutty P; Cali-J (yeh I name myself heck the blog is named after me – and I talk to myself); Dat Bitch; Dui, Q; Jo; Ahab

  • My little cousin trusts me enough to confide in me about boys and alcohol

  • I have matured enough to listen and not lecture when she tells me about boys and alcohol (“Damn it chica I tell you boys have cooties especially college age boys”)

  • Motions allows me to write for them

  • Mom

  • Dad

  • Courtney

  • Alicia

  • LOVE Y’all and I am out this piece!


One and all! And yeh I know it's 4.33am, but dang it I can't sleep!

Reason # 238 Why I love Cali

Getting to chill at the club with James Toney. How often do peeps get to do that? And how often do you get to get into a fight in the club and have the Heavyweight champ of the world (IBF) have your back?

CONGRATULATIONS BECKY, RACHEL, MIKE and all the rest on passing the California bar and congrats CINDY on taking out the Texas bar!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Love the accent...

I love the fact that the automated system for Air Jamaica has that lovely Jamaican accent, when I am put on hold.

Teachers need to realize that it is just cruel to hold a class on the Wed. evening b4 Thanksgiving.

Monday, November 21, 2005

I am the stone that the builder refuses

Well this sucks! I am sick: Sore muscles, red eyes, congestion the works. I also have an invitation to enjoy Thanksgiving with a great friend. But, if I do not get better I will not be attending that dinner, because it is not cool to visit a home with illness. Here is hoping that it is just a lack of sleep, low resistance thing and that getting 6 hours or more tonight will help it.

As to our convos…phone and IM this has been a rough weekend for me. The fact that more than one person can think that, that line is about them makes me realize just how dumped on I felt this weekend and past day.

Tonight is the HEX RALLY

See why we burn the red candle. There is no more beautiful sight than thousands of red candles simultaneously burning the hopes of A & M down to NOTHING. WE'RE TEXAS. Fresno St scored 42 on USC at USC...hmm looks like there really is No D in the Pac 10.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

How much is too much to pay?

This is what TRUE TEXAS football passion is about...I love the part about the full refund should TEXAS fail to make it!

Get those wins...

Go CAL. Let us be honest though, even though your game against Stanford is known as ‘The Game’ no one outside the state of California (and many within) cares about this game. Go OSU!

Friday, November 18, 2005

I rarely deal in absolutes...

But there are just some things that I know are forbidden no matter how good they might feel; no ifs, ands or cute butts.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I declare the war has begun...

Shotta get yuh gun and tell Chase fi saddle up too. If mi mek it to yard for xmas, both of you might haffi get shot! Link mi pon di cellie and mi will gi yuh details.

“…So nobodda pose tuff if you don't have it, Rastafari stands alone!
…Welcome to Jamrock. Out in the streets, they call it murder!”
--Welcome to Jamrock by Damien Marley

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Amazing the deals one can find online for Air Travel to my homeland

Departure City: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Destination City: Jamaica - Montego Bay
pkg. air Departure Date Dec 12 Pkg. Price $79.00 + tax

Cot damn this is sick...

If you are injured and can make it back home: DO SO. This one is not for the faint of heart: Ants eat away patients...

Fees shorty Fees

Who are these kids trying to charge me '25 cents to connect'?

Few randoms...

Gail Kim looks hotter every time I see her.

Boondocks 2nd episode was so damn funny I nearly choked on my KFC

Are you really allowed to give yourself the nickname “The Alpha Male”?

One of the best ever articles on steroid use in baseball and the cover up that came with it.

Good fun for a good cause and it leads right into Bar Review, please come out and support both…
Thursday, November 17, 2005 – Pakistan Earthquake Fundraiser
7:00pm – 10:00pm, The Local
Live Band: Trade Roots (Reggae and Rock Band)
$5 cover and $3 drinks specials
All Students and Faculty are invited

Bar Review at VISIONS
555 Market St corner of 6th and Market

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

What it do...

Who drinks this stuff?

Because the Sand Assassin likes it I will post it.

Actually I wouldn't mind tasting this stuff...

A few more fun pics...

Thanks to Q for giving me permission to use some of her pics. More to come later

Dreams that make me sweat...

So I rarely stress, I tend to get nervous about things but I rarely stress: I do sometimes however, have intense moments of stress. I guess not stressing a lot means that the flash moments burn really hot. So last night (if you do not know the Cali-J is an insomniac) I went to bed fairly early for me about 3am after lying in bed from about 2am and once asleep all I kept dreaming about was my Mock trial for later today. Nothing unusual there I always dream b4 a big event, it tends to calm me down during the event because I tend to run through the event in my sleep so often during the event I get a sense of deja-vu and the event itself does not feel so bad. Makes me wonder if I am actually getting restful sleep or if I am just in a groggy state of restfulness since I don’t know how it is that I am able to control my dreams…
     So last night I was dreaming about the trial and then low and behold I leapt out of bed because in the middle of my trial I realized that my closing was completely wrong. I wondered why in the middle of my closing argument the judge and the jury all kept giving me funny looks (and no it wasn’t like old school dreams where you are stared at because you are naked) I realized that because my opponents have changed a key witness on their side from male to female the main gist of the closing that I gave especially the words “and she ran into the arms of another man rather than her husband” or “her husband was hurt because she was cheating on him with MR…” just does not work that well anymore.
     So damn it I woke up at 4am and was not able to go back to bed till 7am which just left me 50 mins to sleep since my class started at 8.30am. Now I also have to revamp my closing argument the thing that was supposed to have been written weeks ago and that we practiced in class I have this bad feeling that I am going to accuse the Defendant of having this illicit affair and just get stared at?
     I feel sand bagged and bamboozled their defendant that is supposed to be 5’10 and strong is now 5’2’ and small and their male witness who possibly had an affair with the defendant is now female. To make matters worse the victim that we are using to help prosecute is 6’2” and muscular no one in the court room is going to believe that he was attacked by this 5’2” woman. DAMN IT! This is why I do not like being prepared for anything. I had another dream last night too, but not sure if that is fit for air play.

Saturday, November 12, 2005


Just stepping all over the competition. "Face down ass up, that's the way I like it" --Barbershop The Series.

Friday, November 11, 2005

We're going streaking!

How is it that without a single drink in my body I made a bet that if Texas loses I would streak the entire Corporations class? Come on you bloody Jayhawks roll over like the Punks you are and lose big to UT because I cannot be streaking a law school class at this stage in my career!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

What I am listening and thinking on today

I had this bad bitch uptown, she was whoa!Had me fucked up in the head I mean whoa!Bought this bitch diamonds and perils, I mean whoa!Should’ve seen them shits shinning on her wrist, whoa!...

Must I pound the concrete like whoa!Till this bitch ass has defeat like whoa!Ya man ain’t whoa!The judge ain’t whoa!
          --Whoa by Black Rob

Of cookies, bribes, drinks and designated drivers!

The Cali-J is looking for a designated driver for this week’s Bar Review. The car must have space for 2 . My driver must also be discreet! I am willing to bribe, shall we say multiple drinks as the first bargaining chip? How about I also throw in the fresh chocolate chips that I will be making later today? That I think is fair and should sweeten the pot enough. Yes I know I said I am seeking a DD, and yes I know I said I would bribe the DD with drinks. I do not believe that a DD must avoid alcohol the entire night that is good for the Halloween party since you get to enter for free but not good for me; so all I ask of my DD is that you sober up by the time I need to get home.

Back to part of the bribe I AM BAKING COOKIES. And not that crap u get straight from a freezer and toss in the microwave, I will be in the kitchen messing with flour and mixing chips in. Weh dem seh? Fresh cookies! All are welcome to enjoy some; those who know where my crib is can just roll through after 4 because I have to go to the gym first. Can’t enjoy the guilty pleasure without the hustle.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

How do you spell, a chance to see hotties...

L.I.T. Promotions Presents
A pacific Beach

Bar Review
1261 Garnet ave
thursday nov 10th
“Is ya man on the floor? If he ain’t… let me know!”

Unbelievable drink specials
$2 any beer
$2 any drink
$6 any pitcher

No cover
l.i.t. cares: please do not drive drunk
A Cali-Jamaican endorsed event…jot that down!

Why confess?

If confession is so good for the soul, why do I feel sick afterwards?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Check this out...

Glad to see that my boy I Wayne is getting some pub outside of Jamaica. Go check out his artist page and then click on video to watch the video of his hit "Can't satisfy her". If you can not understand it because of the accent and the dialect, I will explain it all to you.

Just remember "She need more wood fi di fire"

How do I put this? If there is a chance then I want that dance!

Late registration help...

Ok because I am a lazy bastard and because I forgot to even care about the upcoming registration I forgot to create a registration advice blog etc so I just went into my blog archives and pulled up the one from last semester. If you see anything that should be changed etc just make a comment, to this new post.

Finally went through my halloween pics.

My camera was splashed with alcohol and received a hard hit when my friend punched it, instead of me, but yet still a few pictures survived and I will post pictures throughout the day while I am in class.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Burger King and Bar Review

I love the NFL Promos using the Burger King: But that footage that they use for the Dallas game is bloody old. How do I know? Because they have a black QB throwing a TD for Dallas! That hasn’t happened in at least 2 years if not longer.

Check out this special worked out for bar review: $6 any pitcher; $2 any drink; $2 any beer this Thursday at
Tropicoso(858) 270-51001261 Garnet AveSan Diego, CA 92109

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Why I love cable and friends...

The Texas v Baylor game is on TV tomorrow morning (actually later today), I initally thought that I would have to wake up at 8.30am to make it to the bar in time for the game. But, setting the DVR to record the morning games I found that FSN will actually be televising the game, so now I can just set the recorder, avoid the usual internet update sites, turn my phone off so none of my asshole friends can send me game updates to spoil the game for me (I love y'all but that is just cruel - as well as calling b4 noon on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday, and b4 11am other weekdays)and just watch the game as if it were live. GO HORNS GO! Could this be the dream Saturday? Could ND lose to Tenn, USC choke in AZ, and the Hokies finally get exposed by Miami? 2 out of 3 would be great!

Are peeps who encourage you to drink tonnes of shots really your friends? Are 12 mini shots really the right amount of alcohol to suddenly end a game of chess on? These thoughts I ponder as another fine night comes to an end.

By the way if you have not yet tried it, I highly recommend Shot-glass chess. Will explain it to anyone that needs it.

Friday, November 04, 2005


Do not Play Tekken 5 with friends: It only leads to hurt feelings!

Thursday, November 03, 2005


“Sometimes when you think your heart is cut too deep
That is the best lesson for you to keep” – Aaron D.

Video of the Bobby Brown and Mike Tyson duet! Just click on the pic of Tyson and Bobby (Aka James Brown/Vampire costume)

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Best thing saved...

On my DVR I currently have Bobby Brown and Mike Tyson performing "Monster Mash" on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live'. Normally that show is terrible but that was the highlight of that show's unexplicably long run. Tyson's singing and grimaces are HIGH-larious.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Happy Birthday...

To the Princess of The ATX, Zandra.

Nuff said...

"Shorty I'm there for you anytime you need me
For real girl, it's me in your world, believe me
Nuttin make a man feel better than a woman
Queen with a crown that be down for whatever
There are few things that's forever, my lady
We can make war or make babies
Back when I was nothin
You made a brother feel like he was somethin
That's why I'm with you to this day boo no frontin
Even when the skies were gray
You would rub me on my back and say "Baby it'll be okay"
Now that's real to a brother like me baby
Never ever give my cootie away and keep it tight aight
And I'ma walk these dogs so we can live
In a fat ass crib with thousands of kids
Word life you don't need a ring to be my wife
Just be there for me and I'ma make sure we
Be livin in the effin lap of luxury
I'm realizing that you didn't have to funk wit me
But you did, now I'm going all out kid
And I got mad love to give, you my nigga"
--Method Man

Just expressing...(I know, I know, shameful to use someone else's words.)

What was I thinking...

...when I agreed to go jogging on the beach at 7am? Is the sun bloody up at 7am? I mean damn I keep my room so dark and locked up I don't usually know if the sun is up till at least 10am. Anyone who has dated me for any length of time knows that the last thing I am is a morning person; some would say I am not an afternoon person either. This is what happens though when you absolutely need to lose weight. You start to do things that seem impossible. Yes, yes I know some of y'all are up at 5am every morning and believe it's great to see the sun come up and that the morning is beautiful blah, blah, blah, take that ray of freaking sunshine and...And to those who have to go to work every morning etc. I feel sympathetic (quit now; start a revolution we should all start work at 10am and just leave later in the evening). This summer while working the worst thing for me was making it to work, once there I was golden, getting there was a chore.

Introducing the newest contestant on the SCOTUS reality show

And the newest contestant for the Supreme Court will be Samuel A. Alito Jr. In this corner the Conservatives, in the other corner the Liberals and in the audience the American public. Will he get voted in, or will he just decide that the circus is too crazy for him and quit the house? I believe that he will just sit through his confirmation hearing, decline to answer questions, endure the scathing remarks by democrats, the softball questions from republicans and be confirmed along party lines. So I vote that he makes it in.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.