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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Who drinks another man's drink and then confronts him about it? and Happy Birthday Viv

Last night out for Vivian's birthday we went to a college-esque bar. Believe me NOT my choice. In fact when told that we were heading there I voiced my dissent and included the words "really" and "are you sure?". The night progressed, I found the music loud and grating (alas I am old) and the crowd oppressive young kids more comfortable with bumping into you and spilling drinks than with walking around you.

But regardless of all that I was fine (once there) till late into the night, these people sat at our table...rude, but hey it was a crowded bar so we let it slide. Then I noticed they started sipping our drinks. Yes, you read that right, the guy and the girl now sitting at our table started sipping our drinks (well it really is just a drink since they serve it in a Bucket and you have to prove to the bar tender you have 5 persons in the group minimum - or you can look as old and demanding as I do and have him give it to you on your assurances) from our spare straws (I hope they were the spares, because really the alternative is even more gross). So I stopped them with a "hey man, do me a favour, leave our drinks alone" but I let them continue sitting there.

The girl got up, and started dancing with some of her other friends that had come over by our table, guess we had now created a meeting point! I saw the guy eyeing our bucket again (yup bucket) and gave him the warning eye. I went back to dancing (standing around while rocking shoulders) and then noticed the crowd around our table had grown and there were a few dipped heads. I walked up and there were 3 people drinking from our bucket (which really now was their bucket because no way was I going to drink from that again), so of course I lost it. Snatched the straws and told them scram ("Hey you darn kids get off my lawn") 2 scurried off but one guy squared his shoulders as if ready to fight! At this point my blood is boiling more from the outrage that this kid is going to stand up to me after stealing our drink rather than the actual fact that he was stealing our drink.

Here is the exchange:
"Really kid, you are going to drink it while we are standing right here"
"Well you guys were standing off to the side and it only takes 4 minutes to finish these, you should have finished it"
(at this point I am almost apoplectic that the fault is apparently ours for not chugging a 84oz Tequila containing drink and yes I said 84oz as in 10.5 8oz glasses of alcohol laced beverage) [And I am announced that his friend had decided to pocket our little plastic shark (which probably hints at our location but so be it) which meant he had reached his hands into the drink]
"Listen man, we could have walked away for 2 hours, you do not touch our damn drink and you do not tell me when to finish it"
-Of course by this point, my voice which is never quiet is at a shouting level, and the guy is back off. I drive the point home..."walk away, and walk away NOW"
He does so, which to me is the right thing to do, then I look down to see that his friend, the one who had invited the others is actually still sitting there. I admit I was more shocked than angry at this point, this little speck had sat through the confrontation, which he had triggered and instead of defending his friend, or slinking away had sat and watched.

So I slapped my hand flat on the table to get his attention (I confess by this point I thought he might be high) and told him "Get up, get moving, I don't want to see you again, move away NOW"...and he got up but left me with this gem "Dude [ugh, even though I now use it also I hate hearing it in a drawl] this is a USC bar man, it is a USC bar man..." (poor kid had no idea that those words are actually more likely to cause me to see red than soothe me). I yelled (to Yau's amusement and mine once I calmed down) "I don't give a damn if this is a USC bar [which of course triggered some stares] it could be your momma's bar, walk away, stay away and don't even look at me".

The best part is Emma and I had just been talking about how even keel I am when I warned her that I am "slow to anger quick to wrath" and as if to prove myself not a liar, the incident occurs.

Ok maybe the best part was upon our exit, the kid I had the confrontation with actually came up to me and apologized for which I shook his anger, because I can always appreciate a manly gesture, even when the precursor was a punk move.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Venus and Serena out in the same day...

And now it is covered like a tragedy. I vividly remember the days when many American tennis fans dismissed the Williams Sisters, but now that the WS tend to be America's last great hope in most tournaments they have been embraced! Again (even though knocked out early for them) they were the last American females in a major Tennis tournament (at Wimbledon right now, only 1 American male remains).

Tennis has fallen so far in America, that women who used to be openly mocked, and racially insulted with subtle jabs are now being looked to as the saviours of Tennis in America...the only problem is they are OLD. Not old in life, but old in Tennis years.

I hope that Serena coming off her injuries and Venus off her slump will rebound from this, because I think tennis is always more fun when these guys are contending.

And is it not time for us to stop pretending that Caroline Wozniacki is a 'true' number 1? Only 1 final made, no wins, but yet she sits atop the rankings for weeks?

Saturday, June 18, 2011

I bloody messed up...the domestic

I saw a friend in a bad situation, offered comfort, hung out for a bit and then allowed myself to be convinced that it was ok to leave them there because I figured a locked door is the cure to many ails.

I did not factor in things like stress/emotions/love and dudes with svengali influences.

Plus having your ego bruised by hearing someone did not/does not love you can leave you incompetent to make sound decisions.

The smart decision would have been to bundle my friend up. Buy her new cosmetics if need be BUT GET HER OUT OF THE DAMN HOUSE and let her stay in my spare bedroom.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Have to cut that coke with Coconut Rum...vol 2.34

Not sure if it is sad or amusing or both that because I drink so little regular or even diet soda  when I drink something as sweet as a regular coca cola for its caffeine content I need to add a splash (or 3) of coconut rum to it to make it palatable. Now I know to some that would sound crazy to say that one needs the caffeine boost but then adds rum, but if you are a long time reader you know that alcohol does not put me to sleep. So since I did not sleep at all last night and I have to meet friends I had to take the caffeine boost...and I refuse to waste my money on things like '5 hour energy' (seriously peeps save your cash).

Neil Patrick Harris' best role was NOT Doogie Howser or his role on 'How I met your mother' his best role is in 'Undercover Brother' for instance his character Lance talking to a group of blacks: "I just watched this show... "Roots"? Maybe you've heard of it?" Hard to hate it. Even though I own the movie I will always stop and watch at least 10 minutes of it if its on.

And this movie makes great use of Denise Richards acting ability...stand and look pretty (her fighting moves are eh when they are not using what I suspect is a stunt double)! Plus an underrated performance from Dave Chapelle. There is also a great girl-fight scene.
Plus Eddie Griffin's Afro reminds me of the one I had in college. And his fight scene with Mr. Feather (Chris Kattan) set to MJ's 'Beat it' makes me laugh because it spoofs so many action movies and even has a touch of West Side Story. Though when the fro gets touched "You mess with the fro, you got to go" I am completely with UB on administering the beat down!

Did you know you have to capitalize Afro for proper grammar?

Wonderful soundtrack too!
  1. - "Pick Up The Pieces"
  2. "Say It Loud, I'm Black And I'm Proud"
  3. "Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)"
  4. "Close the Door"
  5. "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" 
  6. "Ebony And Ivory"
Just to name a few

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I am writing my Best Man speech SEVEN MONTHS in advance

Because I suspect it will take at least six months to sanitize and edit it down for public hearing.

And yup...someone was crazy enough to make me their best man.

I am honoured, humbled and eagerly looking forward to shocking!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

One week ago I accidentally crashed a wedding...Congratulations Karina and Justtini

"Hey what are you doing here?" Those were the words of my friend who invited me to meet him at a party in Pasadena...turns out the party was actually a wedding, and it ended up with me being on the wedding party shuttle and heading to the wedding hotel to kick it with the bridal party.

Some quick things, ladies if you are going to crash a wedding party and end up in one of the hotel rooms drinking and eating you should at least be cute...I refuse to say the same for guys, because well, I clearly crashed too; but mine was an accident. Those 2 girls knew what they were coming up to.

A purity ring is just weird. I completely respect the position it advocates, after all I am the Stone Cold, but it is just weird to see. Especially weird when the person wearing it is over 18. What is funny though is that I still do not see/notice rings of any sort. My friend's wife had to point it out to me...I wonder why she thought I needed to be made aware of that.

Hmm seems like a great time for a song break, some of the lyrics
"I might let you touch me
I might let you hold me
I might even let you kiss me
But you can not take my virginity"

So yeah, I really do not get the point of Purity rings.
  1. Because, if you are wearing one because of your parents, aren't you going to keep wearing it when you are no longer 'pure' for the sake of keeping up appearances? After all if you broke their trust by having sex, then you will hide the truth. 
  2. If you are wearing it because you are part of a 'purity' circle, what happens when you slip? (I know do not make the easy joke of he/she fell on it). Do you keep the ring on to remain a part of the circle?
  3. If you are wearing it solely as a personal choice, do you take it off when you first get some? Because at that moment doesn't everyone around you immediately know that you smooshed? 
To me Virginity is a personal thing (not actually a fan of the word Purity but for the sake of the ring discussion I used it) [and yes I know it is automatically personal since you cannot lose it without (well you know the science behind it)] not something that anyone needs to broadcast or confirm to anyone with or without the use of a ring. Just because I choose to run around with the sometimes used nickname Stone Cold does not mean I would ever think anyone should actually declare their status. I have similar feelings on people being forced in or out of the closet, or having to declare sexuality, but that is for another blog.

So yeah, the wedding blog has dissolved into a discussion of virginity...on the plus side the Bride wore white...on the further plus side: Who doesn't wear white? Didn't Kendra wear white? Didn't Coco wear white? Isn't Kim Kardashian going to wear white? No one really cares anymore so why are purity rings still worn? I cannot remember the last time I saw a Livestrong bracelet, the next one I see will be as shocking as every time I see a Purity ring.  

WHOA WHOA WHOA I want to note here, I am not tying Karina in with the V-club discussion, or with any of those hoochies above. Karina is a splendid girl, salt of the earth type, her wedding just happened to be where I met the Purity ring and the 2 girls that should really never crash another wedding after party ever again.

Karina and Justtini were super cool, very nice of them to welcome me in and not be mad that I suddenly showed up. The other cool moment was realizing that Karina actually reads my blog...much love to her for that. So here goes a shout out.


By the way, every black guy in America, who lives in a predominantly white or Asian area should definitely watch this, because it makes walking into a party when there are only 2 of you so much fun. Yes I am talking to you 'Black' Greg. My homie 'White' Greg knows and loves the scene, so next time I yell at you across a party bus "what the hell are you doing in here, I am supposed to be the only black guy here" you do not look so confused:

Love the dialogue

Ending the week; worked out 6 of 7 days, ate cookies 3 of 7. Only demolished  2 tubs of ice cream this week...not too bad a diet. Oh and burned off 3lbs of the excess poundage I put on in the last month. Just need to get my arms bigger than Yau's now.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Many questions, few answers or Why would the blood bank lady think I would think about making a donation before noon on a saturday?

  • Was that title long enough for you?
  • Who knew Jolly Ranchers had a soda?
    • Is there a faster way to increase the rate of diabetes in this country?
  • Why do I have more soaps and shampoos in my shower than most girls I know?
    • I have the 2 in 1 Zinc Shampoo for dry scalp; I have the 'sweet' smelling herbal Shampoo and conditioner bottles for the days when I want to smell great; I have the 3 in 1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash for the days when I am in a bloody hurry cause I decided an extra 15 minutes of sleep was crucial and I cannot waste time using 3 separate bottles; I have not 1 but TWO strawberry body washes of different brands; I have the 'manly' Dial body wash (with the extra moisturizer); I have the exfoliating body wash...and none of that includes the additional stuff stored under the counter.
  • Why do I still love watching wrestling? 
    • Yes I know it's fake, so are sitcoms...I often find this funnier.
  • Why are there so many 'paranormal' shows out there?
  • Why is 'So you think you can dance' a hit?
  • How is it my boy and I willing watched a chick flick?
    • It has nothing to do with all the above soaps...a man can just be concerned about his cleanliness
  • Why am I the only person in my clique who LOVES ice cream mixed with milk? 
    • And no...not a milk shake, just a splash or 2 of ice cream milk (* editor: apparently my subcon was so strong I put what I love most on what I love most...thanks Grace for the catch) on your scoops of ice cream
  • How does Paris Hilton have a new show?
    • No seriously, how? 
  • What the hell is wrong with A. The athletic apparel companies and B. my calves that cause the companies to release Calf Compression gear with sizes of large and X-large and the size difference being 14.5-16.5 for Large and 16.5-18.5 for X-large? 
    • Why does this tick me off?
      • Because My left calf is exactly 16.6 unflexed and only goes down to 16.5 flexed and my right is exactly 16.5 - I used 2 different measuring tapes
    • So what happens if I buy this, and lose weight while running? 
    • Or, what if I increase my calf muscle size?
  • Both would be good things...but I do not know if I need to get the large size so it fits snuggly or the x-large size so it just fits?
    • Why is the bloody size change line exactly at the size of my bloody calves?
  • Why couldn't it have been just like the Weight lifting gloves...X-large? 
    • Yup ladies, you read that right
      • I wear big gloves
        • No really nothing more being hinted there
          • Just telling you in case you are ever shopping for me
            • Leather is prefferred
  • Why are my friends demanding I watch "Ice loves Coco"?
  • In that Vegas ad where the guy gets locked out of his room in nothing but a robe; where is he getting all the cash and ID's to purchase all the stuff and pick up the girl (I am assuming she is NOT a hooker)?
  • Why am I watching 'Why did I get married, too?'
    • Am I compelled to support black cinema?
  • Why are people disappointed with Lebron James?
    • Maybe if you were not so desperate to think of him as the next Jordan you would just appreciate his current level of greatness?
    • But is it so shocking that a kid that was told he was the greatest since junior high, nicknamed himself the 'King' and never went through the socializing that college brings would shrink in high pressure situations?
  • Why am I up at 3:44am when I am giving blood in 9 hours?
    • Better yet: Am I a lush because I plan to meet up with alcoholic friends half an hour after donating blood?
    • I do get props for scheduling the drinks for after the donation though right?
      • RIGHT?

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Hollywood friends and their exes...vol243

Part of the problem with having 'Hollywood friends' is that when they break up with 'Hollywood girlfriends' you have the obligation of disliking the exes. BUT, the problem is, you sometimes see their exes in shows you are watching. My boys ex just popped up in the episode of this comedy I am watching and she is making out with a lead character: which stupidly feels awkward since I still see her as my friend's girl and also I know she is 'freaky'.

I have noticed something funny, maybe not 'haha' funny but definitely 'hmm that is kind of bitchy funny' about 2 of my female friends: They have both recently commented on the fact that I am a bit chubby in the middle (which as any typical reader of this blog knows I am quick to point out myself), both have done it by patting the chub...but here is the thing both these girls have put on weight in the last few months. And I mean weight enough that I have made sure not to make any references to weight so as not to offend them...yet both tapped my chub. Good thing I am a decent guy because I could have lashed out. I also note that both of the girls are in relationships that they claim are not, what they are they gaining the comfy weight of relationships? Or the side weight of denial? Either way, I find it funny that they are pointing to my flaws when I am pretty sure I could take my weight double it and still be a 1lb or 2 short of theirs.

I probably should feel worse about my weight gain but I have been injured for the last month (I know...shocker) and since I (again as longtime readers know) never diet, weight gain is always guaranteed when I am hurt...give me 3 weeks 6 days and I plan to strip this 8lbs back off

Happy Birthday to the greatest woman in the world


Sunday, June 05, 2011

"I am proud of my years as a Syphilitic Conquistador"

"...that was the team name. They wanted something the locals found frightening"

The title of this post is from 'Better off Ted' Season 1 episode 10 'Trust and Consequence' it is a bloody shame that it was cancelled while the CW continues to air any of its programming or shows like 'So you think you can dance' have huge followings. Damn Plebeian masses.

Gluten free waffles absolutely suck. But when you are starving at 3 am, you can pour enough maple syrup on them to overcome any taste deficiencies.

I love being a member of a gym that has multiple locations in every big California city. I drove into Diego with 1 group, went to the gym just to stash my clothes so that when I drove my other friends home I would actually have clean clothes for the weekend.

Funny that some of the same peeps I used to work out with late night on Fridays recognized me and said hi when I went to pick up my stashed clothes at 2;30am.

Seeing 1 of my exes in San Diego made me realize that though I have never taken illicit drugs maybe I drank too much when I lived there...yes it might be mean, but eh it is true: I was not proud of my past decision making.

It might be due to the lifting, but I felt a lot more 'love' here now than when I lived here. Or maybe I am just older and wiser (or cockier and it shows).
I am amused that my friends know my insomnia is so bad that they can text me at 4am asking for an immediate response...and they get it.

Governor Perry better not run for President: I cannot abide the thought of a bloody Aggie having a shot to run the country.

Another source of amusement; my friend and his fiance immediately shoving back to back shots in my hands as I walked over from the bar where I had just taken whisky shots and my friend yelling "let's test that liver that never gets drunk". Test taken and PASSED!

I love my boy and his fiance, good peoples and they seem good together. I also appreciate my boy saying that he wants me to do his wedding. Following in the footsteps of the father!

I am so wired and cannot sleep that I am blogging from my blackberry as I try to sleep. I have to be one of the few people who alcohol actually leaves wired rather than sleepy.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.