I guess my friends can tick me off to point that I almost get a ticket

Last night I almost got a ticket for driving the wrong way on a One-way street. I talked my way out of the ticket. Robin claims that I was only able to do that because the cop was a lady, Yau added the colour of her skin. I claim it was my charm (maybe a bit to do with the voice).

So here is the thing. I turned the wrong way for a variety of reasons; the sign detailing that it was a one way street had been damaged and turned at a bad angle, if I had been as diligent as I normally am I would have spotted it but I was not at my best so I missed it.
I was distracted because one friend had yelled at me for not following her directions, then yelled again when I chose not to park where she wanted me to park.
Then on top of that I had to listen to the 2 kids in the back that had already annoyed me with their inability to keep it down when I was on the phone then when Robin was on the phone break into childhood songs loudly and OFFKEY. Trust me there is nothing worse than 2 people singing badly and at the top of their lungs when you are already peeved.

So I hit my breaking and braking point in that I was so frustrated that I slammed on the brakes flipped on the indicator and turned where I should not have turned! Right into the path of a cop. I am still surprised I talked my way out of the ticket and I am glad I asked her if she was giving me a ticket when she said "ok sit tight I am going to my car" if I had just assumed that she was just going to check my id she would have come back with a ticket and by that point it would have been too late.

Even though you know you have no warrants out...waiting for those agonizing few minutes while a cop runs your id to make sure is agonizing. What adds to the anxiety is hearing your friend loudly tell the bouncer at the door across from you car "I am here with the criminal" (which by the way is a bloody funny line...but scary while the cop is checking to see if you need to be locked up).

So yeah, I blew my lid and still somehow survived...luckily. What is funny is that I can see how movies influence our thought processes: At one point in the drive I imagined driving off a cliff jumping out at the last minute and still hoping I would have the dexterity and speed to turn around and hit the door lock button to trap my passengers so that they would hit the water...I did not want them dead, just a bit panicked and soaked.

Thank goodness frustration does not lead me to drinking because that would have been one sloppy Taco Tuesday!

This song fits:

Who drinks another man's drink and then confronts him about it? and Happy Birthday Viv

Last night out for Vivian's birthday we went to a college-esque bar. Believe me NOT my choice. In fact when told that we were heading there I voiced my dissent and included the words "really" and "are you sure?". The night progressed, I found the music loud and grating (alas I am old) and the crowd oppressive young kids more comfortable with bumping into you and spilling drinks than with walking around you.

But regardless of all that I was fine (once there) till late into the night, these people sat at our table...rude, but hey it was a crowded bar so we let it slide. Then I noticed they started sipping our drinks. Yes, you read that right, the guy and the girl now sitting at our table started sipping our drinks (well it really is just a drink since they serve it in a Bucket and you have to prove to the bar tender you have 5 persons in the group minimum - or you can look as old and demanding as I do and have him give it to you on your assurances) from our spare straws (I hope they were the spares, because really the alternative is even more gross). So I stopped them with a "hey man, do me a favour, leave our drinks alone" but I let them continue sitting there.

The girl got up, and started dancing with some of her other friends that had come over by our table, guess we had now created a meeting point! I saw the guy eyeing our bucket again (yup bucket) and gave him the warning eye. I went back to dancing (standing around while rocking shoulders) and then noticed the crowd around our table had grown and there were a few dipped heads. I walked up and there were 3 people drinking from our bucket (which really now was their bucket because no way was I going to drink from that again), so of course I lost it. Snatched the straws and told them scram ("Hey you darn kids get off my lawn") 2 scurried off but one guy squared his shoulders as if ready to fight! At this point my blood is boiling more from the outrage that this kid is going to stand up to me after stealing our drink rather than the actual fact that he was stealing our drink.

Here is the exchange:
"Really kid, you are going to drink it while we are standing right here"
"Well you guys were standing off to the side and it only takes 4 minutes to finish these, you should have finished it"
(at this point I am almost apoplectic that the fault is apparently ours for not chugging a 84oz Tequila containing drink and yes I said 84oz as in 10.5 8oz glasses of alcohol laced beverage) [And I am announced that his friend had decided to pocket our little plastic shark (which probably hints at our location but so be it) which meant he had reached his hands into the drink]
"Listen man, we could have walked away for 2 hours, you do not touch our damn drink and you do not tell me when to finish it"
-Of course by this point, my voice which is never quiet is at a shouting level, and the guy is back off. I drive the point home..."walk away, and walk away NOW"
He does so, which to me is the right thing to do, then I look down to see that his friend, the one who had invited the others is actually still sitting there. I admit I was more shocked than angry at this point, this little speck had sat through the confrontation, which he had triggered and instead of defending his friend, or slinking away had sat and watched.

So I slapped my hand flat on the table to get his attention (I confess by this point I thought he might be high) and told him "Get up, get moving, I don't want to see you again, move away NOW"...and he got up but left me with this gem "Dude [ugh, even though I now use it also I hate hearing it in a drawl] this is a USC bar man, it is a USC bar man..." (poor kid had no idea that those words are actually more likely to cause me to see red than soothe me). I yelled (to Yau's amusement and mine once I calmed down) "I don't give a damn if this is a USC bar [which of course triggered some stares] it could be your momma's bar, walk away, stay away and don't even look at me".

The best part is Emma and I had just been talking about how even keel I am when I warned her that I am "slow to anger quick to wrath" and as if to prove myself not a liar, the incident occurs.

Ok maybe the best part was upon our exit, the kid I had the confrontation with actually came up to me and apologized for which I shook his anger, because I can always appreciate a manly gesture, even when the precursor was a punk move.

One week ago I accidentally crashed a wedding...Congratulations Karina and Justtini

"Hey what are you doing here?" Those were the words of my friend who invited me to meet him at a party in Pasadena...turns out the party was actually a wedding, and it ended up with me being on the wedding party shuttle and heading to the wedding hotel to kick it with the bridal party.

Some quick things, ladies if you are going to crash a wedding party and end up in one of the hotel rooms drinking and eating you should at least be cute...I refuse to say the same for guys, because well, I clearly crashed too; but mine was an accident. Those 2 girls knew what they were coming up to.

A purity ring is just weird. I completely respect the position it advocates, after all I am the Stone Cold, but it is just weird to see. Especially weird when the person wearing it is over 18. What is funny though is that I still do not see/notice rings of any sort. My friend's wife had to point it out to me...I wonder why she thought I needed to be made aware of that.

Hmm seems like a great time for a song break, some of the lyrics
"I might let you touch me
I might let you hold me
I might even let you kiss me
But you can not take my virginity"

So yeah, I really do not get the point of Purity rings.

1. Because, if you are wearing one because of your parents, aren't you going to keep wearing it when you are no longer 'pure' for the sake of keeping up appearances? After all if you broke their trust by having sex, then you will hide the truth. 
2. If you are wearing it because you are part of a 'purity' circle, what happens when you slip? (I know do not make the easy joke of he/she fell on it). Do you keep the ring on to remain a part of the circle?
3. If you are wearing it solely as a personal choice, do you take it off when you first get some? Because at that moment doesn't everyone around you immediately know that you smooshed? 

To me Virginity is a personal thing (not actually a fan of the word Purity but for the sake of the ring discussion I used it) [and yes I know it is automatically personal since you cannot lose it without (well you know the science behind it)] not something that anyone needs to broadcast or confirm to anyone with or without the use of a ring. Just because I choose to run around with the sometimes used nickname Stone Cold does not mean I would ever think anyone should actually declare their status. I have similar feelings on people being forced in or out of the closet, or having to declare sexuality, but that is for another blog.

So yeah, the wedding blog has dissolved into a discussion of virginity...on the plus side the Bride wore white...on the further plus side: Who doesn't wear white? Didn't Kendra wear white? Didn't Coco wear white? Isn't Kim Kardashian going to wear white? No one really cares anymore so why are purity rings still worn? I cannot remember the last time I saw a Livestrong bracelet, the next one I see will be as shocking as every time I see a Purity ring.  


WHOA WHOA WHOA I want to note here, I am not tying Karina in with the V-club discussion, or with any of those hoochies above. Karina is a splendid girl, salt of the earth type, her wedding just happened to be where I met the Purity ring and the 2 girls that should really never crash another wedding after party ever again.


Karina and Justtini were super cool, very nice of them to welcome me in and not be mad that I suddenly showed up. The other cool moment was realizing that Karina actually reads my blog...much love to her for that. So here goes a shout out.

HEY KARINA THIS LINE IS JUST FOR YOU!


By the way, every black guy in America, who lives in a predominantly white or Asian area should definitely watch this, because it makes walking into a party when there are only 2 of you so much fun. Yes I am talking to you 'Black' Greg. My homie 'White' Greg knows and loves the scene, so next time I yell at you across a party bus "what the hell are you doing in here, I am supposed to be the only black guy here" you do not look so confused:

Love the dialogue. 


Ending the week; worked out 6 of 7 days, ate cookies 3 of 7. Only demolished  2 tubs of ice cream this week...not too bad a diet. Oh and burned off 3lbs of the excess poundage I put on in the last month. Just need to get my arms bigger than Yau's now.

"I am proud of my years as a Syphilitic Conquistador"

"...that was the team name. They wanted something the locals found frightening"

The title of this post is from 'Better off Ted' Season 1 episode 10 'Trust and Consequence' it is a bloody shame that it was cancelled while the CW continues to air any of its programming or shows like 'So you think you can dance' have huge followings. Damn Plebeian masses.

Gluten free waffles absolutely suck. But when you are starving at 3 am, you can pour enough maple syrup on them to overcome any taste deficiencies.

I love being a member of a gym that has multiple locations in every big California city. I drove into Diego with 1 group, went to the gym just to stash my clothes so that when I drove my other friends home I would actually have clean clothes for the weekend.

Funny that some of the same peeps I used to work out with late night on Fridays recognized me and said hi when I went to pick up my stashed clothes at 2;30am.

Seeing 1 of my exes in San Diego made me realize that though I have never taken illicit drugs maybe I drank too much when I lived there...yes it might be mean, but eh it is true: I was not proud of my past decision making.

It might be due to the lifting, but I felt a lot more 'love' here now than when I lived here. Or maybe I am just older and wiser (or cockier and it shows).
I am amused that my friends know my insomnia is so bad that they can text me at 4am asking for an immediate response...and they get it.

Governor Perry better not run for President: I cannot abide the thought of a bloody Aggie having a shot to run the country.

Another source of amusement; my friend and his fiance immediately shoving back to back shots in my hands as I walked over from the bar where I had just taken whisky shots and my friend yelling "let's test that liver that never gets drunk". Test taken and PASSED!

I love my boy and his fiance, good peoples and they seem good together. I also appreciate my boy saying that he wants me to do his wedding. Following in the footsteps of the father!

I am so wired and cannot sleep that I am blogging from my blackberry as I try to sleep. I have to be one of the few people who alcohol actually leaves wired rather than sleepy.

Inviting a girl 1 month of the plane from France to Cinco de Mayo...not the easiest thing

I received horrible news today, not news that is of immediate personal impact to me, but horrible because of the immediate pain it causes someone I love. Any long time reader (or close enough friend of mine) knows that death rarely affects me personally, what affects me is seeing the pain it causes to those around me [quick side step; when my Grandfather passed in Tobago my dad and I went, I was very young, but I felt no emotional pain, shed no tears until I saw how sad my Dad was and then I broke down, not for my Grand, but for my Dad.] It is much the same here I saw that my friend was in pain (saw it from afar) and it troubled me, troubled me enough that on a night I had not planned to drink at all, I drank.

But this is not a morbid blog, in fact this is the rare double blog in a 24 hour period. And I will try desperately to not give a virtual middle finger to Eli and Vivian for making me drive for 40 minutes each way and standing me up. Even though in the back of my head I had the above worries (tried to call before heading out because I was afraid of trying to answer the phone later, I would definitely have answered but would not have wanted any crazy yelling in the back ground) I had a fairly decent night. Let us do a brief recap

Finally heard the Charlie Sheen remix to the Duck Sauce's 'Barbara Streisand' hahah basically just replace her name with 'winning' and 'Charlie Sheen'. Since I have a tonne of work to do I think I will just stay up all night and work all night, and thus get to sleep in a bit (you had to know there was some trigger for the double blog).

So in regards to the title, I invited a French girl I met over the weekend out tonight, but trying to explain to her in my super limited French (yes I was trying to impress) was too much of a chore so I just ended the explanation with..."people go out and drink a tonne". I cannot wait to invite my Korean friend out for Bastille Day. Turns out she did come out, but she was at another bar and by the time we decided to walk past the spot there was too long a line and there was a Dart Bet to settle with Yau...more on that later

This is not Ego but science talking; I think I could write a 'club banger'. The elements seem basic, get a track with a HEAVY bass line, add a simplistic hook, put in some lines stating how much swagger, girls, jewels, power or money I have and this is key at some point raise my voice an octave.

There is nothing like seeing a girl dance for you, my boy was interested in the 'darker' of 2 girls and while he kept trying to catch her eye I was staring at her and her friend, (basically I had a lot running through my head and they just happened to be in my eyeline plus I knew my boy was interested in one). Every time the 'lighter' one locked eyes with me she would do a little swivel of the hips dance and mimic sliding down the pole ('move your body like a snake ma') I wish I was not so shy, this is what is known in the trade as 'on a platter'.

Towards the end of the night I said something I regret, not because I was mean or aggressive or anything but because I accidentally embarrassed someone and I did not mean to I was genuinely trying to help: As I was walking to the W.C. this guy walking past me had something slip from his pocket so I immediately said "hey man you dropped your lipstick" because he dropped it. He immediately looked at me angrily and said "that is not mine and it's not lipstick" so I walked on but I made sure on the way out to stop and look at the item and it was definitely lipstick. So now I wonder if he was ashamed of it, I clearly saw it fall from his pocket - maybe he was carrying it for his girl, maybe it was his (though he did not have any on and did not look like the type to wear), or and this one I hope is not true, he robbed some poor girls purse and just shoved everything in the purse in his pockets with plans to sift through later. No matter what it was, the reaction seemed . weird and I truly just wanted to help.

Finally, DARTS. You have to love the competitive nature of guys. Yau and I talked smack to each other about dart skills ignoring the fact that neither of us had ever seen each other play and of course even though it was late and post bar and we both have work in the morning we had to play a game of darts...he won the first which immediately necessitated a rematch which I won..."take that with you". So now Yau, we are 1-1 and that game you won was the last you will ever win against me!


Bless...

"Oh NO NOT Jaeger" vol 2.3443

Tonight was another episode of the Hermosa beach chronicles. There was a mini-day drinking episode since Rose and I went riding and then stopped at my boy JC's (big mistake) before doing the second leg of our ride...well thanks to the power of persuasion and alcohol the 2nd leg never occurred.

If there was any doubt that I cannot get drunk, tonight should prove it. My cup at JC's place for all my drinks was a 48oz big gulp cup. The average drink is supposed to be 8ozs but who really drinks that? So lets say that we are drinking 12ouncers I was still drinking at 4xs the normal drink rate. OR, if you want to pretend that we normally drink 16 ozs then I was doing more than 2.5 drinks every time I took a drink (if my math is off, forgive me, I am lazy and it is late) I went in on drinks. We all watched the UFC fight together. I even got Rose to stay (shocker) and I drank all the way through the prelims of the fight through the main fight and after the fight. It was so bad that we drank on the way to the club post fight. Rose ditched us, so anything crazy that happened after the fight would be her fault (but luckily/sadly nothing crazy happened).

Looking through my photos (and yes for once I had the camera with me) the craziness of the night was bloody apparent. Supposedly I am passive aggressive in blogs towards my ex (which is bad - especially since I do not realize it) so I am going to try and be good in this one. Considering that my drinks tonight measure in the dozens not the singles anything that I post should be true and not passive right? Because I do not want to be a hypocrite I texted my ex because well hell we never talk anymore and while I know many of the reasons we broke up, I should still at least be polite...and I am not normally polite. *Expletive deleted, *Expletive deleted, *Expletive deleted. Ok just kidding, anyone who knows me knows I do not actually curse. I miss my ex, but the fact that we never talk, ticks me off so much that I do wonder if the feelings I am missing is the fact that I just want to argue with her and not rather that I want to be with her? Nah I am kidding, I miss the good times. I just hate the back and forth and the subterfuge.

So the title of the blog...you might notice that it says Oh no not jaeger! Well I HATE bloody Jaegermeister, I think it is designed to make persons puke. Thankfully I have never puked in my entire life (seriously ask my mom, ask my bro, my dad, hell ask my ex...I never puke) but Jaeger I think takes me the closest, yet everyone I know when buying a round of shots, seems to get Jaeger, bloody disgusting, and out of a misguided sense of camaraderie I always take the damn shot/s! It is easy as a reader to just say "do not drink it" but we all know that in most cases we all will take drinks that maybe we should not do, because others are doing it. And in my case when it is well documented that you do not get drunk it is a lot harder to convince people that you do not want to take a shot when it is clear you can handle the shot. So while I HATE the taste of Jaeger, I will drink it if I must..."above all, be polite" - damn British based education!

I was told this week that I will once again be an officiant at a wedding. Since I am sworn to secrecy regarding the persons in the wedding (not yet time to reveal) I can only sit here in amazement that another friend trusts me to take them along this most sacred of paths. I am honoured, humbled, horrified (alliterative) hesitant to be an officiant again. Look I know you are impressed that I banged out 4 H-words that actually made sense but like Papoose (google him) I can engage in "Alphabetic slaughter": off the top of my head for 3 bars:
A- Aaron's absolutely, amazingly apoplectic at Amazons appearing at Alcohol Arenas (aka tall women at bars). But beverages bring better buttocks before brothers!

See? I am a lyrical genius. If you are on my BBM you already know this...right Ofelia?

Nights like this are when I really, really (one more?) really miss the Texas clubs! A track like Gucci Mane's "Wasted" sounds so much better in Texas bars with the increased bass line that the ATX bars tend to pump out. Heck even the College Station piece of crap 4 bars in a row areas still bang out the heavy bass. It is still hard to stomach when I am out here and hear, not only edited music but a weak bass line. When in the club (and this is true in Jamaica and Texas but rarer in Cali) I want to hear a bass line that rattles fillings and plays every available curse line in the song: While I do not curse, I expect that once entering an establishment of 21 and up, that I will hear at least 'adult' music!

(An aside: Only the WWE heads will get this, but Vicky Guerrero's weight loss is making her look damn good - shout out to Dan K - who probably disagrees with me.)

So this group of persons in the bar tonight were being really mean (read assholes) to their waitress and in general just making life miserable for all near by. They cashed out early and I watched the young lady who was "putting it all" on her card take money from her friends and then pay out the tab. Only thing is, she thought she was being generous and leaving a nice tip but she was way more generous than she thought. On a $40 tab, she signed off on $160 dollars, I know she only meant to put $60 on her card because I over heard the conversation but she was so drunk she added a 1, and because they were so annoying, I did not stop them even though I knew what they were doing. Nice tip for the bartender and wait staff, and a decent little lesson to the group of princesses.

Trending towards the end because I know this is long, but hey, I rarely blog any more so think of this as your week long blog and read it in parts if you have to: I suffer from Photic sneezing. What sucks about it is, well everything. It can strike at anytime. any bright light can trigger it (mainly sunlight - as sadly some people have had to witness - read exes who wake me up too early) and it once triggered is impossible to control. Well tonight I had an attack. Once the lights came up for last call, I had an attack. I was talking to people and suddenly started sneezing uncontrollably because the lights to kick us out came on...not a good look.

Currently I rock my hair in braids (mainly if being honest, because I am too lazy to comb it out everyday to maintain a decent afro) so I pulled loose a braid just to check on my hair length, I now have hair that is over 5 inches long....no clue what I am going to do with it. It is getting harder and harder to just brush it out and make it look presentable for court. I may finally just wear the damn braids to court and stop 'wetting the hair and using a bandanna to keep it compressed to get in the courtroom'.

The problem with drinking a tonne and never getting drunk is the fact that I am never going to be able to go to sleep! Why you might ask? Because every few minutes I have to go to the restroom and micturate. So you get a longer than average blog because well I am just rambling and really this only takes about 10 minutes to type, even if it takes a half hour to read (sorry).

I think its time to end this, but let me end it with a complaint. I had to go to eastern California this week for work. It was the HOTTEST I have ever been in my entire LIFE. The temperature was 112 degrees in the shade, and sadly that was no exaggeration. At one point I switched shirts because I was just sitting down writing up a report and sweated right through the shirt I was wearing. It was so hot that the braids I had freshly plaited fell down because my whole head was so moist I could not sustain the braid. I drank 144 ozs of Gatorade and water and peed once the whole damn day, and people normally make fun of how often I pee. I have no idea how people live in the Cali dessert, those who live there might have adapted to it, but I know I will not!

So I am watching the movie "Who's the Man" and as I type it is the scene with Naughty by Nature and they are performing OPP, so I guess one more SHOUT OUT TO OFELIA ;) ok I Kid, night y'all.


Congrats on the Wedding X. Once you allow us to talk about it,I will give you a proper shout out. Till that happens, keep hooking me up with court appearances and freaky fun, friendly, female, friends, from familyesque functions. (Alphabetic slaughter!) I rest my case!

"Damn these dudes are Sequoias"

Nothing like standing in a bar with 3 guys infront of you and the shortest guy is 6 foot 7. Let me point out I am just around 6ft 220lbs so I am by no means a small guy and yet I felt like a little person. At one point one of my boys was looking for me and he was just on the other side of the human forest and could not see me.

So I went out in Hermosa tonight, first time in a long time that we went out with a reduced crew. Most of the crew was out of town or with family...with that reduction in numbers you would think we would get in less or no trouble...nope

I am always amused by songs that most people claim to hate or use words like 'awful' 'sucks' 'ridiculous' but once played in a club with 'club bass' they are irresistible to dance to; think almost any Soulja Boy song. I know most peeps clown that kid, but wow he knows how to put together a beat that will make you at the very least bob your head.

Funniest moment of my night, standing outside a dive bar, some random chick walks up, and deposits her equally random friend beside me and says "Take care of her, I am counting on you to get her home safely" UGH NOOOOOO!!!! I immediately told her not to leave her friend and to make sure to put her in a cab. I understand that she might have been drunk, but that is just crazy, and not the best way to take care of your friend.

By the way, "My dougie" is such a ridiculous song (see how that works) but I love doing the dance in a crowd in the club.

This is what happens to my Friday nights when I am 'waiting on a call' I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had actually planned to go out tonight.

Let us go even more stream of consciousness than the above.

- Hanging out with cops in a bar is surreal and can kill harmonious vibes
- the US team got hosed by the referee today
- Drinking over 120 ounces of ANYTHING is just too much and yup I counted, I had to since the night started off with my boy handing me a 32Oz cup...just crazy
- Glee has its funny moments but I am not sure I can stand all the singing - and yup I know that is the point of the damn show...I accept the conflict
- Being able to walk to all the bars is damn good, until it becomes an unbreakable habit
- Mean people suck, nice people...hahah ok I just wanted to make sure you were reading on
- Seriously, I hate flakes, and I hate peeps who are passive aggressive (I am too and I hate that about myself) if you are pissed at me, just say so seriously no weird goodbyes or rolled eyes.
- Guys who mean mug in clubs crack me up, I am too old to be fighting, and if you can get in the club so are YOU!
- The girl that called out her boy by telling me that he acts aggressive but is too scared to ever throw a punch was awesome and funny, and should probably not be with that Jackass.
- Peeps are way too relaxed around me: things I heard tonight "Going home to my booty call", "I love to eat pussy", "Black is the only color for me", "You need to bring me girls with big tits" My response "I do not know you": which led to "It's cool man, just bring me girls with big tits"
- I miss blogging, I am lazy and I barely even put up Facebook status messages but I miss blogging, I do it less and less because I do not trust myself, but I miss it.
- Seeing the Grunion run is AWESOME
- "You can call me nice all you want but I am a bad boy and bad boys do bad things" Now holla at me with your cute butt, we are going to the gym!

My plumber jacked some beers

I have barely spent any time in my apartment, especially my kitchen which is my favourite place, because there is so much work being done on the plumbing of the place. All the pipes were replaced the dry wall was ripped apart, the shower removed ( I lost 5lbs last week because I have had to shower at the gym and if I am at the gym I might as well work out) the toilet was gone for a day...the water coming through the taps tastes chemically so I have been brushing my teeth with bottled water everything has been sucky for the last week...and I deal with all of that and have not complained to the workers here.

BUT, I think they have taken my kindness for weakness because I just noticed that in my stash of cheap beers (I actually keep a stash for cooking eg. Beer battered shrimp) there is a dent. Yup, the plumbers have been taking/drinking from my private stash. To be honest I do not even care that much except for the fact that everything is days behind bloody schedule. I am beginning to think that the reason nothing can get done is because they are DRUNK!

Every day when I come home to check on things, nothing seems to have moved. If I stay in the house for lunch, I see activity going on. If I just quietly slip in, no one seems to be working. And that leads to another issue, I leave my keys for the workers with the understanding that they lock up when not in the house, they are working on multiple units, so when they are not in mine it is supposed to be locked. Yet last Friday I came home from court, sat in the house for 20 minutes and nobody even realized I was there - then a new worker who I had never seen and who does not know me, walked in looked at me and did not say anything even though I had a laptop in my hand...thanks for keeping my place secure.

Had a good phone call tonight, kind of cleansing

June 13th = a very good saturday

Test drove a Kia for 5 minutes it lead to a $20 gift card at Korean market. If you have ever been to the Asian market you will know that $20 will put you in food for 2 weeks or more. In my case I wanted a $20lb sack of rice, some booze, some veggies, some meat, some fruit and some seasoning and I only paid $3 thanks to the test drive!!! Good times. And it all started because I flirted with this cute girl in the store and she let me know that free money was being given away.

Assassin and I then stopped at bev mo, grabbed some 'scotchy scotch scotch' and drank to start the afternoon while I grilled 1lb burgers!!!

But the drinking was NOT enough to stop us from playing tennis for 2 hours, it might however be the reason why we completed only one set despite playing for TWO HOURS!!! The game finally ended at 11-9 one set, the second set will be played later today.

Then it was time to go see the hangover; despite the fact that the movie started at 8 and we were still at my crib at 8...but the day was going too well, so of course we made it to the movie just as the final waste of time trailer/ad rolled BONUS.
We drank scotch throughout the movie...then ran to the Loo at the end of the movie (very funny movie, go see it!). Not the best plan to drive home after the movie so we walked into UP since it had been getting rave reviews...I can see why.

Finally made it back to the crib, more scotch, quick walk to the bars. Met a girl who was giving me the 'eye' I FROZE, I mean I completely lost the skill to step to her. Sand Assassin gave me the look of shame (then he froze later when meeting a hot chick...Hahah SUCKER!!!!) Finally screwed up courage at the 2nd bar. Now unwinding, it was a good day/night. Hopefully the Lakers lose later and neither SA or myself dies of alcohol poisoning or the pharmaceuticals that we may or may not have accidentally mixed in with them.

"I used to be a whore when I was younger"

That phrase then followed by these 2 "I cannot wait to get my fake id" and "my mom dropped me off" led me to the realization that 'eww' I am freaked out by this person and 2nd that for the Cougars and Kittens weekend, I will have much more fun going after the cougars.

I played the perfect gentleman/good Samaritan tonight, but much of it was purely out of fair and not the good nature of my heart I think (or maybe I am just being self deprecating). Anyway, on to the cougar hunt.

Assassin is the only one who knows how my night ended, and I hope he keeps it that way. (nothing illegal...yet nothing I am proud of)

Cougars and Kittens hunt Sep 08

Birthday next week = this weekend as good as any other time to hunt Cougars and Kittens. Kittens tonight at the Grand Opening of the Witherby, Cougars tomorrow at Jacks. If I have to turn another year older I might as well go after the things 'that remain the same age'.

Women are amazing creatures and confidence is sexy vol 2.3434

Intriguing night: 2 of my friends had to deal with crazy moments from their girls. But, note, the guys themselves were no angels. What made the night awkward was the methods used by the young ladies, to get back at the guys.

In the first instance, my friend made the mistake of sleeping with his co-worker, then bringing her out to meet his friend and his current hook up...BAD IDEA! I mean seriously bad idea, by the end of the night, he actually ended up with his ex hook-up, a pile of hurt feelings and a dry...well u can figure it out.

In the second instance my friend got jealous because his 'girl' danced with another guy. But, as she pointed up, they are only 'buddies'. This led to a blow up. Which normally would be interesting to watch except for one major problem. Both sets of girls had earlier flirted with me. I was completely set up, I had no idea any of them were involved with my friends and I also had no idea that flirting would occur.

The more I work out, the better I feel, the more attention I seem to get. Granted tonight is not a good night to gauge by, since I was used to make others jealous, but heck even the fact that I am a prop is amusing to me.

Plus Tuesday night was crazy, I suspect that the Lakers' loss, brought the craziness out in SD ladies; my friend and I were both offered crazy forms of congress. We were cornered on the dance floor by a couple teachers, and we both left the bar accompanying young ladies home (for safety of course).

Props and a shout out to Ms. 3teen, keep doing your part to help the national average ;)

"4 asian girls pull up in a car and holler at me" and the Cali Jamaican became Jamaican

Sometimes you just have to go; "Beast Mode Activated." Anyone who knows me closely knows that I have about 2-3 regular accents. I have the accent that I pretty much use everyday, I have the accent that I pop out when peeps say "You do not sound Jamaican" and then I have the real accent, the one that pops out when I am stressed, mad, angry, excited or talking to anyone from the island.

Anyway, to start out the night on Saturday, we were rushing to get downtown because we were guestlisted for free drinks (and everyone loves free!). Anyway, turns out Saturday night was the worst night to drive downtown; let us add up the situations 1. Jazz festival, 2. memorial day weekend, 3. A saturday night in SD, 4. Padre game in town, 5. Grandma driving (ok that last one was a jab at Rose bud). So the frustration levels are already pretty high. Well we decided to park at Horton (who recently changed all their parking policies - SOBs) trying to get into Horton however was a nightmare, the stoplights would constantly change and we would not advance. Then we noticed why we were not moving, a moron parking attendant was standing in the middle of the road and just letting all the cars out of his parking lot to enter the road which basically just stopped traffic dead.

So I am sitting in the passenger side just fuming, (remember free booze is being wasted and I hate traffic) and thinking 'this guy is a moron' and 'why has no one run him over yet, he is not a cop, he cannot stop traffic.' So the light changes for the 4th time and we have advanced 3 car lengths, and suddenly...the fuse just BLEW: I just saw red, and could not control myself, the window was down I was leaning out and yelling "bumboclaut man what the ra$$ you seh yuh a do? Get out of the bloodclaut road and stop blocking traffic." To which the parking attendant, said the wrong thing...maybe not the wrong thing to someone who is calm, but definitely the wrong thing to a Jamaican man who is already annoyed with your performance "What do you want me to do?" Oh damn, CaliJamaican completely dissolved and only Jamaican was left, it was Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

--"What do I want yuh to do? I want yuh to do yuh rassclaut job, I want you to get out a di bloodclaut street, b4 mi mek yuh get out a di bloody street, yuh know what, mi a guh help yuh get yuh rass outta di damn street"

So at that point I started reaching for the car door, handle, but damn it Rose bud had it closed, so I pressed the lock release, she locked it again (smart girl). I should let you in on some surrounding things, at this point every car around us had stopped (yup your boy was yelling that loud) so our car was actually able to start moving meanwhile I am still so pissed that I was trying to exit a moving vehicle. The combination of actions was like this: Leaning out of the window, yelling, pointing with right hand, reaching back with left to unlock seatbelt, sliding over to fiddle with the lock mechanism and trying to make sure I could reach the guy outside.

Best part of my anger though...it is almost always a flash in the pan (kind of like J-Kwon's career "Eeerybody in di club getting tipsy"). By the time we drove around the block to our parking spot (cause clearly we could not park at that guy's lot) I was already laughing about the incident. Thankfully things like that cannot put a damper on my nights,in fact it kind of just spiced up the night.

So our boy eN-Zo who has always been great to me in terms of getting us into spots got us into his bar for the night. Thing is eN-Zo and I have not really seen each other in about a month, most times we are just passing each other in the street for a quick 'hail up'. When he saw me on Saturday he was amazed by my weight loss, and commented on it (more on that later).

So anyway, J Stew and Rose Bud, were both trying to get others in the club later so I suggested they go to the balcony area to talk to eN-Zo, I figured it would be a quick move and they would be back soon, BUT, they left me alone, and I got attacked. There is a certain type of girl in SD that loves me, my close friends can prolly translate 'B girls love B Men.' And to help my casual readers, my parents will never accept me bringing home an obese woman. Heck my dad already thinks I am fat "nobody trusts a fat lawyer". Well this young lady was aggressive to no end, to the point that I ran out to the balcony, yup I ran, no shame there, I am just not the type to rebuff women, so I tend to hide away.

(J Stew loves this girl, later in the night, she thought J Stew and I were together and she gave us both an amazing shrug, I mean to the point that if a guy had done that to me, we would have had to knuckle up, heck J Stew nearly went Hulk on her)

---So I explained why I suddenly appeared and eN-Zo did exactly what I would have done, he mocked my situation "Come on man, you get fitter, start to look better and now you are picky". Hahah how can I counter that? I mean the timing was perfect.

I now blame eN-Zo for causing my actions for the rest of the night.

Later in the night I had to move the car, (I refuse to pay that pound of flesh price of $2 per 15 minutes when there are so many better parking options). Before I got the car I needed to get validated, no one validates anymore at bloody horton so I snuck into the office at the gym and validated myself, come on it was a Saturday night and I work out 6 days a week, I think they can just count that one as a freebie.

Whilst moving the car (and Rose bud swears the car is what caused it, not me - note though the car is a camry, at least 8 years old, good, great even, but it does not have that swag) 4 Asian girls pulled up beside me in the exit lane. While waiting in the line, they were all taking pictures of themselves and chuckling to each other. My windows were down so I could hear what they were saying...and my night was made, heck my month of May was made! "Oh he, is cute", "yeah he is really cute" "hehe" "talk to him". So I started looking around, cause I had to figure out what was causing the convo, I even for a second considered 'maybe a pix on the camera'. Then one of the girls in the backseat looked directly at me and I think made me blush "Hey you are cute, give me your number right now!"

Normally at this point, I would have made up some lame excuse, (I never give fake numbers) or just laughed and kept on driving, but for some reason (eN-Zo probably) I actually held up traffic long to give them my number, and even have a brief convo. Before I could even make it out of the parking lot, I started getting text messages from the ladies...yup, I think I could have floated the few blocks back to the club after parking the car. How the text messages ended my weekend is my business...

Sorry for the length of the post, in fact I am sure there are a tonne of mistakes throughout it, but I am watching Tila Tequila (this was actually supposed to be a blog about the show but I figured we can all take a skank break this week) and I think it probably robs me of brain cells.

I was going to blog about the worst dancing girl I have seen in ages, but that will have to wait this post is already too long...just note, J Stew and the Ivy both agreed with me on the atrocious dancing, every song cannot have the SAME DAMN dance move! (Guess that is a bit of blogging about it)

Vince Young caught drinking and shirtless! The shame?

Pix from blogxilla.com

Ok, ok, first things first, everyone knows I am the biggest Texas apologist! But peeps need to calm the hell down about the VY pix and stop acting like he is a bad role-model to the kids for being in a club (21 and up) and having a drink like any guy in the club would.

He was in a club in the ATX, it gets hot, peeps shed clothing, hell a whole damn song by Nelly was made over this same activity and it became a hit! (Hell when I was fitter, I used to shed my shirt in the club, now I just have to sweat it out).

I did not rip Leinhart for his pix and I refuse to rip Vince for his. Now if you show me a picture of VY pouring syzurp down some under-age chica's throat, I might have to come up with an excuse, but this one is just too basic to get the uproar that it is receiving.

Apparently the reason (and I hate that I even have to address this part) that you do not see that many females in the pictures but rather a lot of men with shirts off, is that they were in a VIP area. A few females were there but the line letting them in was restricted for fear of the groupie types. Hey, that shows good judgment!

Anyway, here is the link that has the story


(Now the R Kelly trial, that is something else, will have to blog that later)

Cali J and Sand Assassin vol 2.3435

It was good to roll out with the SA tonight. I snagged us VIP access to a party 2nite, gift bag and all. This allowed us all you can drink privileges, hence the SA is now fast asleep on the CJ's living room floor.

This may not have been the best opening line "You jingling baby". Oh well, still better than just staring, and hoping. I would blog more, but I am lazy, tired and also extremely secretive.

But I do like the fact that the bar hooked us up with free food to go with the free drinks, that is classy and something the Cali J can always get down with.

Flavor of love recap...for the virgin in you!

Flavor Flav "She said her one on one time with me was like losing her virginity all over again" The first thing that flashed into my mind was "Yeah, painful"

Amazing how easily these girls turn to alcohol, in every show at some pt, when someone is nervous or worried a bottle of alcohol immediately gets drained. This week they had to go on Big Boy's show; now from my little time spent in LA, I remember that Big Boy's show was in the MORNING... Yet while waiting in the lobby one of the girls drains a bottle of Champagne!

Even the show hosts made mention of the fact that she was stinking of booze, at 7.30 in the morning.

Watching one of the girls using a Curling iron on another girl's hair I could not help but thinking 'this cannot be safe, she might snap and attack.'

Hmm one of the girls said she talks to her Grandma 4 times a day, but when Flav asked if she had spoken to her, her response was "Not since on the show" then said there was some family issues...hmm I wonder if it could be "I will never talk to you if you go on that show" I know that would be the issue my family would probably have...of course I am just speculating on the girl's issues (but hey, it is that kind of show)

With a monkey in his lap Flav said "I aint gonna lie but I used to look like him in the 4th grade" I swear the material just writes itself

So as one of the dates there was basically a menagerie in the back yard of the crib. I hate to say it, but damn that was a cool date.

(Oooh update) Turns out my guesses were correct, the chick's family hates that she is on the show! Out of empathy, I hate that she is on the show too. This show should only be for peeps whose families do not care about them or do not care how their family is portrayed. I do not fit in that category and you know what? THAT IS A GREAT THING!

Wow Flav can take a fly suit and ruin it! Let me just state, any and every suit is ruined the minute you attach a clock around your neck!

Flav is getting crazier, and crazier, which is hard to believe but the thing I like is that he still seems sincere (damn it thanks to Flav I nearly misspelled sincere and spelled it the Flavor way 'Sinceer').

UHmm Flav? Since when is France a city? "I am taking my girls to France, the city of love" Maybe we should have someone sit him down and explain to him the difference between Paris and the entire country of France.

Yeah boyeeee!

Cali J + VIP + good friends = vol 1.434

Whoo hoo! Great to see and have the becktator in town. Funny moment of the night; calling my male friend a ho, and having him freak out, because he took it personally and worried that it was true.

It is extraordinary to me that peeps are shocked that I call myself shy, watch me in the club for 10 minutes and you will see it. Granted the young lady who I just met and placed my arm around and sat down beside and nuzzled close to, might have been confused, but I was pretty clear re my shyness.

"She was screaming on the mic just b4 she came here"

The above is how Arsenio Hall (and come on Arsenio you are better than appearing on Flavor of love...aren't you?) described the fact that a contestant allegedly gave her ex some oral (fixation) just before appearing on the 'Reality' show.

Flavor Flav: "Honestly I do not know if I can handle a jealous woman Because I have millions and millions of girls throwing themselves at me"
--Word Flav? Millions of girls throwing themselves at you...man that means that there are millions and millions of crazy girls out there.

I hate myself every week for watching this show, and every week I watch it.

All the girls had their exes show up on this episode. One girl's ex met her on the beach in wait for it...San Diego. Really? That works? I know I am the shy guy but really it just does not seem like the spot to pick up a girl, at least not one for the long term...but what do I know. One of my friends met his girl at a club (where women take their clothes off) and they have been 2gether for FIVE years! I even think they had an Usher moment...you know what that is "Make love in the club."

I love that these girls are shocked that their exes call them out or say bad things about them. Heck that is practically the definition of an ex: Someone who no longer can stand "yo stank ass."

(A quick aside, I just saw a clip of the Bachelor that a friend sent to me (which is ironic since I am watching the Ghetto Bachelor at the same time) in it the Black girl had an 'argument' with one of the other girls. I call her the Black girl because that is how everyone knows her, Black women tend not to make it on the Bachelor and then of course this one went OFF! It is like watching the 'mad' Real World, you just sit there and hope someone will not 'show their ass' but sadly it seems only the crazy ARGUMENTATIVE black peeps make it on. BUT, let us not pretend, no race is exempt, most of the peeps on these shows are just crazy and nasty.) Ok back to your regular scheduled Flav update.

The girl named Tree (she is 6'3") wore a shirt with the stomach cut out and the boobs barely covered, hate to say it because I think big and tall girls need love too, but I think that shirt was made for a shorter woman. Then again it could just be that Flav is just so damn short, the whole date just seemed weird since Flavs head was basically right around the girl's bits!

I swear I know one of the Kats that ended up on this show as an ex Bf. I have to research this, I think he is actually boys with one of my friends.

So one of the girls has a problem with men that drink...ok cool...we all have our issues with things that peeps do...for instance the Cali J has a problem with peeps who smoke, hence I do not date girls that smoke...not telling you not to smoke I am just saying I will not date you, not your issue but mine...so let me see, you claim to know about Flavor Flav and you are shocked that he is drinking excessively? I empathize that your biological father was an alcoholic, but I do not think that you are going to be the one to change Flav! The man is a former crack head, his lips are black from smoke and he has 7 kids, trust me drinking is the least of your worries.

I maintain that the twin action thing is not cute after the age of EIGHT! And come on heifers jumping on the bed of an opponent...really? That cannot be acceptable oh wait a minute what am I saying? You 2 showed up on a reality show as twins trying to date the same man! Of course you are dumb and hoochieriffic!

(Wow Deion Sanders has a reality show now, all I want is to see a shot of his closet, I know it has to be a walk in closet and it will pretty much have suits in all colors of the rainbow, heck that could be a whole episode of the show, Deion modeling suits and peeps calling in to guess the exact color. "I think you are wearing fuchsia" Deion: "caller that was close but I am actually wearing a lilac/lavender blend with a heliotrope liner")

Ok the show is over, I need another shower, despite just showering after the gym, this show is just so damn sleazy.

On the gym note, crazy uncoordinated chick; was it necessary for you to stand right next to me in Cardio Kick Boxing and then kick to the left when the whole class was moving to the right? Thank goodness I had my guard up or I might have been wiping a shoe print of the front of my shorts...when I stopped panting in a squeaky voice.

2 guys walk into a bar...and just stare. Vol23

Shout out to Assassin! So the S.A. and I went to a bar last night and had a moment where we both were forced to realize..."We are not as cool as we think we are." So some background. Assassin and I both spotted this amazingly hot girl in the club at the same time, and I mean hot like the lyrics to "I wanna make LOVE in this club" start to make sense hot (will blog about that song later this week...it is just so damn ridiculous).

Anyway, the young lady made us both tongue tied. I am the first to admit that I have no lines, I do not use them, I do not rehearse them, so I have none. In fact when I 'pick up' a girl in the bar, it is usually an accident, like for instance I am making fun of something she did and it amused her, or, she picked me up but was nice enough to make it seem like I was the person making the move (I like that women try to save men's egos while knowing all the time that they are in control).

I mean this chick had us wrecked to the point that we played Rock, Paper, Scissors (discreetly of course) with the proviso that the loser had to go talk to her...Assassin lost, and he still has not said word one to her yet.

One of the best parts of the whole situation was that at one point the young lady looked us over, and then sat in a chair by the fire pit, directly infront of Assassin and I (we were at Altitude). So this meant that the young ladies head, (well the back of it) was directly at our crotches. I am just shy of 6 feet (6'4" with the fro) and Assassin is I think (6'4"...or something like that I can never remember, just know that he is tall).

So you would think that having the young lady right 'below' us would spur us into action...but nope, all it did was have us stare at each other and insist that the other should go talk to her. We then started trying to run through scenarios to get her to talk to us. Of course you would have expected normal peeps to conduct this in whispers but not SA and I, we conducted the whole conversation in normal bar tones. For the hottie to not have heard us she would have had to be deaf...yeah that is it she was deaf, that is why I did not spit game to her...not because I am a coward, but because she would not have been able to hear me...no clue what Assassin's excuse is. But that is mine!

So I guess the gist of this blog is to say...Assassin is a coward and he cannot pick up a girl even if she is deaf and practically has her head in his lap!








And the Cali J might be kind of weak at it too...might

Rock Chalk Jayhawk...and good friends

You know good friends are the ones who make you tilt your head, crinkly your mouth into a wry smile and say..."I need to avoid these people."

Tonight I watched the Kansas Jayhawks step up to the plate and provide us with a great national championship game! The last second shot by Chalmers to send the game to OT was amazing. Maybe now the big 12 will get some love. We put 2 teams in the Elite 8 and one team won it all. We are more than just a football conference...though we are great at that too.

Anyway after the game which was viewed at a brewery (but I did not eat or drink...I was still full from lunch) I headed to the gym and while at the gym received a call, ordering me to the bar that was next to my home...read back the old blogs and you will see where I both lamented and rejoiced the fact that a bar was literally on my block.

Let me back track, part of why I did not eat at the brewery was because I ate so much for lunch I was still full at dinner time, and since I had, had a drink with Delz during lunch it just did not seem practical to consume more alcohol. Of course after working out, the boozing restriction seemed less important.

When I went to the bar, my original intention was just to meet up with my friends cry mercy and go home to eat dinner since as noted above I had just worked out and needed nourishment. Instead once I entered the bar I was handed a G and T and it went downhill from there. The great thing about neighborhood bars is that they let you bring in outside food etc. I have never been carded at 'The Box' and I have never been hassled, so I went and got some snacks to eat inside the bar since their kitchen had already closed. And because I live Soooooooooooooooo damn close I actually ran upstairs to burn a CD for my friend while my next G and T was coming.

In fact when the neighborhood bar knows you, you can order a drink, take it to your table then leave the bar to go get the cash to pay for the drink...try doing that in a Gaslamp bar! On purpose though, I avoid the box unless others invite me to go there, and I NEVER drink alone, I maintain that rule.

But despite the pretense I loved spending time with my friends, it was great watching the game with the old USD crew and great hitting the Jewel Box with K and J, and it was fun playing the non-peacemaker role with the Twins for our late night Balboa Park excursion.