Bachelorette recap, go fast but not so fast you end up in a fantasy suite...discussion.

 

Let's start with Rachel and Gabby talking about canceling the rose ceremony and the urge to get the guys to show them "their 6 pack abs"  unfortunately it is raining.

 

Back in the mansion guys are sleeping everywhere because the set-up is not designed for 29 men to survive night one.

 The ladies arrive to tell the men that there will be a pageant to get to know them better and drop off 'gifts' for the men…speedos: This continues to be a gauche trope.

It is bad enough when we do the forced pool party but at least there someone can choose their outfit, but providing speedos for people (or for women bikinis) is something that I will consistently say is dumb and reductive AND while I am super pro peeps showing off their bodies, I just want them to have a choice and this is NOT a choice.

 Logan is up first and in his ITM apologizes to the women in his life – listen to Gabby and Rachel's squeals as he disrobes and reverse that to a man or couple men sitting there and ugh.

 Many of the men have to be blurred as they disrobe.

Quincey says "this is not something that I normally do" his chyron says "Totally does this all the time."

There is a talent portion…that requires you to stay on a small platform…what about men like myself? Do I get to bring a keyboard on to the platform? This is discriminatory to the artistic! 

 Meatball for his talent smears himself in meat sauce to make a meatball.

Chris calls himself an alpha, okay bro.

Aven, Logan, Brandon, Jason, Johnny and Colin get to go on a date with the women as a reward for their performances. "Honestly good for you guys that are going the 6 of you, there are some of us myself included that they don't need to talk to right now they are sure of how they feel, but that is awesome for you" this is Chris' jab.

GROUP DATE:

Jason is pulled first by Rachel she is hoping for a kiss. Jason tells Rachel that when he got there he was coming for Gabby, I guess I should applaud the honesty?

As Rachel walks away from Jason she walks to find Gabby and finds her kissing Johnny.

Rachel says that many of the guys seem to talk to her like she is their cousin.

Logan is NOT a cousin and he goes in for a kiss with Rachel.

On his time with Gabby Logan realizes he is also NOT her cousin, so he kisses her too.

The women are doing their debrief and Rachel admits to Gabby that she kissed Logan and Gabby just nods along and does not tell her that she kissed him too "yeah, yeah, yah, okay." Rachel gives her rose to Logan while Gabby gives a bit of a glassy stare. 

Johnny gets Gabby's rose which based on the ITM and her reaction was a bit of a consolation rose.

RACHEL's ONE ON ONE:

Rachel takes Jordan for her date and insists on driving the convertible from the mansion. They pretend that they are hauling but in a scene get passed by an SUV.

Rachel says she wants to give Jordan a taste of her environment so they enter a zero G plane flight…

Jordan admits to us but not Rachel that he has a fear of heights. I can relate, I am a speed demon but I just did zip lining last week and let me tell you if I had not been in a group (where after it all many of us found out we shared the same sentiments) and having to look tough I WOULD HAVE WALKED RIGHT BACK DOWN FROM THAT FIRST PLATFORM IN A HEARTBEAT! I kept thinking I was at the top of the launch pad only to hear "keep going" to go up higher, we did 4 ziplines and sure it was awesome once done but yeeeeeeesh that first one.

Back to the mansion and Chris is already thinking about fantasy suites to the chagrin of others.

 Evening portion of date – seems to be going well…or is it.

 Back to the mansion and Quincey is calling out Chris for saying "if you are not first in that fantasy room you do not want to be last." While the show is zooming around to the guys' reaction I realize one of these guys looks just like grocery store Joe.

Other guys are calling Chris out because he is very condescending. The men are calling out Chris for misogyny but being polite in a way that maybe he does not deserve.

 Back to the date and Rachel is not feeling Jordan

and she goes outside for some counsel from a producer, I guess Jesse was chilling somewhere else.

 At the mansion a date card arrives and it is for Nate from Gabby with "ps bring a bathing suit."

 Back to Rachel and Jordan has the look of a man facing the executioner, Rachel tells him she cannot give him the rose.

Now here is the thing, Rachel is walking Jordan out…what if Gabby wanted a shot at him? Rachel makes sure to say that Ashley Cooke and Brett Young were going to be her 'perfect' private concert after the dinner date because the show has to honor those contracts so now the Duet is just singing as Rachel stands on the roadside crying in super high heels.

Back to the mansion and the guys are in absolute shock as Jordan's bag is rolled out.

Jordan has his head in his hands in the limo, I would be livid if I went through that day date to get bounced but it would be internal raging since you cannot look bad on TV.

Rachel and Gabby in bed together for the next morning debrief and Rachel is telling Gabby to trust herself when Gabby expresses some doubts about Nate, petty me thinks Rachel wants to not be alone in axing someone immediately...practical me thinks Rachel might be right even if she got there via the wrong reason, something feels off about Nate (I know the other is spelled with a Y but back to back 'Nates' that are tall good looking and I am suspicious of them when everyone seems to love them, maybe I need more whimsy in my life? 

 

Nate in his ITM tells us that he is going to tell Gabby about his daughter and how much he misses her…bro are you trying to give yourself an out for being sent home early?

GABBY ONE ON ONE:

As Nate rolls in – "SURPRISE" Rachel is there AND they start the DAY/date with some champagne. Nate gets an early kiss as they wait for the helicopter to land on the launch pad. HELICOPTER BUDGET KICKING IN EARLY…did someone at ABC forget this is NOT the Bachelor?

Of course there has to be a fly-by of the mansion. The helicopter flies them out to a hot tub "did you remember your speedo?" There is definitely more positive energy to this date than Rachel's.

Evening portion:

You cannot help but compare this date to the one that went before it and thus it looks positive. Nate then brings up his daughter as Gabby takes a sip of wine, she does not choke. "I'm a sports dad 1000%"

Gabby tells us she is very close with her dad but not close with her mom. In her ITMs Gabby is clearly concerned about Nate being a dad she is not sure she "is there yet" but that is a future Gabby problem, current Gabby grabs a rose.

 COCKTAIL CEREMONY:

Rachel reminds the guys that she sent Jordan home "I want to use this as a lesson to everyone that one conversation can change everything" whew that sounds like a threat.

 Let's start with Mario clowning in his ITM and bouncing between the girl's names. With his time with Rachel he gives her a mini workout "where I can be supportive" it is really just a chance to show off his strength. Now remember Mario was Gabby's first impression rose and she can see this workout/flirt during her time with Alec. 

Tyler has Rachel do some pop a shot to show off his job from the Jersey shore and he earns a kiss for winning the game.

Quincey tells the other guys they should, and he will, bring up what Chris has said, do these guys watch season to season? Get others to do your dirty work. Quincey brings Rachel over to talk to him and a couple other guys (Jordan and Hayten) and they tell her about Chris mentioning fantasy suites. Rachel says she was already worried about her being sexualized as a girl "just brought to fantasy suites" and thus what Chris has done struck a chord. Rachel relays the Chris info to Gabby whose jaw drops.

The women go to talk to Chris and Gabby immediately calls him out "you think it is appropriate to be talking about fantasy suites?"

Chris uses the word 'females' as a pejorative and is very condescending -  he got cut off on a "well actually." Even on his walk out Chris remains cocky yelling out "excuse me guys" to the fellows as he walks past…though I am amused that he did not care for the silliness of the "walk out."

Said before Chris then walked back into the mansion to call for the men he thinks spoke to Rachel about his actions to meet him in the back so he could question them, this of course pisses off Gabby and Rachel when they see this "we asked you to leave" "you need to go."

As with all other episodes of this show when drama is introduced many of the guys did not get anytime with the women.

 COCKTAIL PARTY:

"Ultimately we have to go with our hearts" and "we want to tell you that receiving a rose tonight means that Rachel and I would like to invite you into next week" uhmm ma'am what else could it mean?

Roses - Jason gets the first rose, followed by Aven, Erich, Zack, Jordan (no need for initial anymore), Quincey, Michael, Tino, Jacob, Tyler, Tremayne, Hayten, Meatball (no clue his real name at this point), Kirk (Mario's VO is getting increasingly desperate), Spencer (Mario is now trying to rationalize "it is difficult attempting to get to know 2 bachelorettes…Gabby might have felt slighted seeing me talking to Rachel") Alec, Ethan – "Gentlemen it is the final rose tonight" and it goes to Mario. As I say every year so let's get it out of the way early "The devil works hard but the bachelor producers work harder."

Bloopers:

Meatball takes the women for a spaghetti and meatball dinner and for a moment he thought he was going to be lucky enough to see a 'Lady and the Tramp' shared spaghetti kiss.