"Oh NO NOT Jaeger" vol 2.3443

Tonight was another episode of the Hermosa beach chronicles. There was a mini-day drinking episode since Rose and I went riding and then stopped at my boy JC's (big mistake) before doing the second leg of our ride...well thanks to the power of persuasion and alcohol the 2nd leg never occurred.

If there was any doubt that I cannot get drunk, tonight should prove it. My cup at JC's place for all my drinks was a 48oz big gulp cup. The average drink is supposed to be 8ozs but who really drinks that? So lets say that we are drinking 12ouncers I was still drinking at 4xs the normal drink rate. OR, if you want to pretend that we normally drink 16 ozs then I was doing more than 2.5 drinks every time I took a drink (if my math is off, forgive me, I am lazy and it is late) I went in on drinks. We all watched the UFC fight together. I even got Rose to stay (shocker) and I drank all the way through the prelims of the fight through the main fight and after the fight. It was so bad that we drank on the way to the club post fight. Rose ditched us, so anything crazy that happened after the fight would be her fault (but luckily/sadly nothing crazy happened).

Looking through my photos (and yes for once I had the camera with me) the craziness of the night was bloody apparent. Supposedly I am passive aggressive in blogs towards my ex (which is bad - especially since I do not realize it) so I am going to try and be good in this one. Considering that my drinks tonight measure in the dozens not the singles anything that I post should be true and not passive right? Because I do not want to be a hypocrite I texted my ex because well hell we never talk anymore and while I know many of the reasons we broke up, I should still at least be polite...and I am not normally polite. *Expletive deleted, *Expletive deleted, *Expletive deleted. Ok just kidding, anyone who knows me knows I do not actually curse. I miss my ex, but the fact that we never talk, ticks me off so much that I do wonder if the feelings I am missing is the fact that I just want to argue with her and not rather that I want to be with her? Nah I am kidding, I miss the good times. I just hate the back and forth and the subterfuge.

So the title of the blog...you might notice that it says Oh no not jaeger! Well I HATE bloody Jaegermeister, I think it is designed to make persons puke. Thankfully I have never puked in my entire life (seriously ask my mom, ask my bro, my dad, hell ask my ex...I never puke) but Jaeger I think takes me the closest, yet everyone I know when buying a round of shots, seems to get Jaeger, bloody disgusting, and out of a misguided sense of camaraderie I always take the damn shot/s! It is easy as a reader to just say "do not drink it" but we all know that in most cases we all will take drinks that maybe we should not do, because others are doing it. And in my case when it is well documented that you do not get drunk it is a lot harder to convince people that you do not want to take a shot when it is clear you can handle the shot. So while I HATE the taste of Jaeger, I will drink it if I must..."above all, be polite" - damn British based education!

I was told this week that I will once again be an officiant at a wedding. Since I am sworn to secrecy regarding the persons in the wedding (not yet time to reveal) I can only sit here in amazement that another friend trusts me to take them along this most sacred of paths. I am honoured, humbled, horrified (alliterative) hesitant to be an officiant again. Look I know you are impressed that I banged out 4 H-words that actually made sense but like Papoose (google him) I can engage in "Alphabetic slaughter": off the top of my head for 3 bars:
A- Aaron's absolutely, amazingly apoplectic at Amazons appearing at Alcohol Arenas (aka tall women at bars). But beverages bring better buttocks before brothers!

See? I am a lyrical genius. If you are on my BBM you already know this...right Ofelia?

Nights like this are when I really, really (one more?) really miss the Texas clubs! A track like Gucci Mane's "Wasted" sounds so much better in Texas bars with the increased bass line that the ATX bars tend to pump out. Heck even the College Station piece of crap 4 bars in a row areas still bang out the heavy bass. It is still hard to stomach when I am out here and hear, not only edited music but a weak bass line. When in the club (and this is true in Jamaica and Texas but rarer in Cali) I want to hear a bass line that rattles fillings and plays every available curse line in the song: While I do not curse, I expect that once entering an establishment of 21 and up, that I will hear at least 'adult' music!

(An aside: Only the WWE heads will get this, but Vicky Guerrero's weight loss is making her look damn good - shout out to Dan K - who probably disagrees with me.)

So this group of persons in the bar tonight were being really mean (read assholes) to their waitress and in general just making life miserable for all near by. They cashed out early and I watched the young lady who was "putting it all" on her card take money from her friends and then pay out the tab. Only thing is, she thought she was being generous and leaving a nice tip but she was way more generous than she thought. On a $40 tab, she signed off on $160 dollars, I know she only meant to put $60 on her card because I over heard the conversation but she was so drunk she added a 1, and because they were so annoying, I did not stop them even though I knew what they were doing. Nice tip for the bartender and wait staff, and a decent little lesson to the group of princesses.

Trending towards the end because I know this is long, but hey, I rarely blog any more so think of this as your week long blog and read it in parts if you have to: I suffer from Photic sneezing. What sucks about it is, well everything. It can strike at anytime. any bright light can trigger it (mainly sunlight - as sadly some people have had to witness - read exes who wake me up too early) and it once triggered is impossible to control. Well tonight I had an attack. Once the lights came up for last call, I had an attack. I was talking to people and suddenly started sneezing uncontrollably because the lights to kick us out came on...not a good look.

Currently I rock my hair in braids (mainly if being honest, because I am too lazy to comb it out everyday to maintain a decent afro) so I pulled loose a braid just to check on my hair length, I now have hair that is over 5 inches long....no clue what I am going to do with it. It is getting harder and harder to just brush it out and make it look presentable for court. I may finally just wear the damn braids to court and stop 'wetting the hair and using a bandanna to keep it compressed to get in the courtroom'.

The problem with drinking a tonne and never getting drunk is the fact that I am never going to be able to go to sleep! Why you might ask? Because every few minutes I have to go to the restroom and micturate. So you get a longer than average blog because well I am just rambling and really this only takes about 10 minutes to type, even if it takes a half hour to read (sorry).

I think its time to end this, but let me end it with a complaint. I had to go to eastern California this week for work. It was the HOTTEST I have ever been in my entire LIFE. The temperature was 112 degrees in the shade, and sadly that was no exaggeration. At one point I switched shirts because I was just sitting down writing up a report and sweated right through the shirt I was wearing. It was so hot that the braids I had freshly plaited fell down because my whole head was so moist I could not sustain the braid. I drank 144 ozs of Gatorade and water and peed once the whole damn day, and people normally make fun of how often I pee. I have no idea how people live in the Cali dessert, those who live there might have adapted to it, but I know I will not!

So I am watching the movie "Who's the Man" and as I type it is the scene with Naughty by Nature and they are performing OPP, so I guess one more SHOUT OUT TO OFELIA ;) ok I Kid, night y'all.


Congrats on the Wedding X. Once you allow us to talk about it,I will give you a proper shout out. Till that happens, keep hooking me up with court appearances and freaky fun, friendly, female, friends, from familyesque functions. (Alphabetic slaughter!) I rest my case!

Rock Chalk Jayhawk...and good friends

You know good friends are the ones who make you tilt your head, crinkly your mouth into a wry smile and say..."I need to avoid these people."

Tonight I watched the Kansas Jayhawks step up to the plate and provide us with a great national championship game! The last second shot by Chalmers to send the game to OT was amazing. Maybe now the big 12 will get some love. We put 2 teams in the Elite 8 and one team won it all. We are more than just a football conference...though we are great at that too.

Anyway after the game which was viewed at a brewery (but I did not eat or drink...I was still full from lunch) I headed to the gym and while at the gym received a call, ordering me to the bar that was next to my home...read back the old blogs and you will see where I both lamented and rejoiced the fact that a bar was literally on my block.

Let me back track, part of why I did not eat at the brewery was because I ate so much for lunch I was still full at dinner time, and since I had, had a drink with Delz during lunch it just did not seem practical to consume more alcohol. Of course after working out, the boozing restriction seemed less important.

When I went to the bar, my original intention was just to meet up with my friends cry mercy and go home to eat dinner since as noted above I had just worked out and needed nourishment. Instead once I entered the bar I was handed a G and T and it went downhill from there. The great thing about neighborhood bars is that they let you bring in outside food etc. I have never been carded at 'The Box' and I have never been hassled, so I went and got some snacks to eat inside the bar since their kitchen had already closed. And because I live Soooooooooooooooo damn close I actually ran upstairs to burn a CD for my friend while my next G and T was coming.

In fact when the neighborhood bar knows you, you can order a drink, take it to your table then leave the bar to go get the cash to pay for the drink...try doing that in a Gaslamp bar! On purpose though, I avoid the box unless others invite me to go there, and I NEVER drink alone, I maintain that rule.

But despite the pretense I loved spending time with my friends, it was great watching the game with the old USD crew and great hitting the Jewel Box with K and J, and it was fun playing the non-peacemaker role with the Twins for our late night Balboa Park excursion.

Cognac, friends and air mattresses

So tonight is another weird night. I am blogging from my air mattress; a law school friend of mine has my bed and I am lying on my spare mattress blogging and whipping Kami in online scrabble (to be fair she has whipped me so bad in the past that I have to comment while I lead the current game).

Weird thing about friends, when you respect them and promise to keep them safe, you do not even try to push the boundaries, hence air mattress and my comfy bed being enjoyed by another.

It was a good night, this first weekend of the year. Brought a new participant into the downtown Kats mix. The original Persian mafia abandoned the DH and I, but we replaced them strangely enough with a new Persian mafia.

Yes as the title says, I was pretentious enough to be drinking cognac, but I figured I earned that right after starting the night off drinking vodka at a rapid pace because it was a hosted bar for the first hour.

All the best for the New Year y'all and remember, respect yourself, before you respect anybody else...and my air mattress is comfy ;)

Insight to the Cali J, 100mph and self therapy through driving

Just a basic insight into me: I hate losing friends; in fact I really cannot stand losing friends. I will do crazy things to try and keep friends, to the point that I will walk through East Village (home to SDPD’s headquarters and constantly patrolled by cop cars) with a golf club on the way to visit a friends house determined to make sure that should unpleasantness arise from 3rd parties I am ready to ‘play through’.

I cannot always explain what is going on in my mind and heart. I am generally cold and calculating, I agonize over decisions and tend not to be ruled by passion, BUT unfortunately for me, I sometimes have flashes of red hot insanity run through my brain. Let me explain that a little bit, I sometimes after thinking and re-thinking something will suddenly just go with whatever flashes in my mind. For instance one night in the club (without any alcohol in me) I met a young punk that outweighed me by at least 40lbs the guy was really pissing me off, but I knew that under normal circumstances there was no way I could win a fight with the kid so I calmly walked away then suddenly felt myself running through the club and flying at the kid boot first…nothing rational about it I just attacked the guy deserved it, but prior to that I thought I had convinced myself that a fight with him was not going to happen.

That somewhat explains tonight, I knew such a night would come, I knew I had to make the visit and I knew that the visit could be awkward, and potentially bad. I knew all of this while I was walking down the street whistling and pretending that I was Tiger Woods. So what did I do? I arrived at the home and left the club in the car. Why? Because though passion might have flicked in my brain while I was leaving the house and told me to grab the putter, rational thinking said handle it with words when I got out of the car.

BUT, when pissed off I am a crazy man behind the wheel, and I always always take out my anger when driving. If anyone knows the interchange from the 805 to the 15 highway you will know that the sign says take it at 35mph, I took it at 87mph and had to fight like a mad man to rein the car back in AND I LOVED IT. Those tires left a great streak on the road and helped to clear my head, I came out of the curve and punched that car up to a 100 and by the time I got close to home everything was ordered in my head.

Should this have been the last night we ever speak my dear…It was a good run I had fun, I think you did too and no matter what I may have done, at least I stayed honest.

SELAH.