"Oh NO NOT Jaeger" vol 2.3443

Tonight was another episode of the Hermosa beach chronicles. There was a mini-day drinking episode since Rose and I went riding and then stopped at my boy JC's (big mistake) before doing the second leg of our ride...well thanks to the power of persuasion and alcohol the 2nd leg never occurred.

If there was any doubt that I cannot get drunk, tonight should prove it. My cup at JC's place for all my drinks was a 48oz big gulp cup. The average drink is supposed to be 8ozs but who really drinks that? So lets say that we are drinking 12ouncers I was still drinking at 4xs the normal drink rate. OR, if you want to pretend that we normally drink 16 ozs then I was doing more than 2.5 drinks every time I took a drink (if my math is off, forgive me, I am lazy and it is late) I went in on drinks. We all watched the UFC fight together. I even got Rose to stay (shocker) and I drank all the way through the prelims of the fight through the main fight and after the fight. It was so bad that we drank on the way to the club post fight. Rose ditched us, so anything crazy that happened after the fight would be her fault (but luckily/sadly nothing crazy happened).

Looking through my photos (and yes for once I had the camera with me) the craziness of the night was bloody apparent. Supposedly I am passive aggressive in blogs towards my ex (which is bad - especially since I do not realize it) so I am going to try and be good in this one. Considering that my drinks tonight measure in the dozens not the singles anything that I post should be true and not passive right? Because I do not want to be a hypocrite I texted my ex because well hell we never talk anymore and while I know many of the reasons we broke up, I should still at least be polite...and I am not normally polite. *Expletive deleted, *Expletive deleted, *Expletive deleted. Ok just kidding, anyone who knows me knows I do not actually curse. I miss my ex, but the fact that we never talk, ticks me off so much that I do wonder if the feelings I am missing is the fact that I just want to argue with her and not rather that I want to be with her? Nah I am kidding, I miss the good times. I just hate the back and forth and the subterfuge.

So the title of the blog...you might notice that it says Oh no not jaeger! Well I HATE bloody Jaegermeister, I think it is designed to make persons puke. Thankfully I have never puked in my entire life (seriously ask my mom, ask my bro, my dad, hell ask my ex...I never puke) but Jaeger I think takes me the closest, yet everyone I know when buying a round of shots, seems to get Jaeger, bloody disgusting, and out of a misguided sense of camaraderie I always take the damn shot/s! It is easy as a reader to just say "do not drink it" but we all know that in most cases we all will take drinks that maybe we should not do, because others are doing it. And in my case when it is well documented that you do not get drunk it is a lot harder to convince people that you do not want to take a shot when it is clear you can handle the shot. So while I HATE the taste of Jaeger, I will drink it if I must..."above all, be polite" - damn British based education!

I was told this week that I will once again be an officiant at a wedding. Since I am sworn to secrecy regarding the persons in the wedding (not yet time to reveal) I can only sit here in amazement that another friend trusts me to take them along this most sacred of paths. I am honoured, humbled, horrified (alliterative) hesitant to be an officiant again. Look I know you are impressed that I banged out 4 H-words that actually made sense but like Papoose (google him) I can engage in "Alphabetic slaughter": off the top of my head for 3 bars:
A- Aaron's absolutely, amazingly apoplectic at Amazons appearing at Alcohol Arenas (aka tall women at bars). But beverages bring better buttocks before brothers!

See? I am a lyrical genius. If you are on my BBM you already know this...right Ofelia?

Nights like this are when I really, really (one more?) really miss the Texas clubs! A track like Gucci Mane's "Wasted" sounds so much better in Texas bars with the increased bass line that the ATX bars tend to pump out. Heck even the College Station piece of crap 4 bars in a row areas still bang out the heavy bass. It is still hard to stomach when I am out here and hear, not only edited music but a weak bass line. When in the club (and this is true in Jamaica and Texas but rarer in Cali) I want to hear a bass line that rattles fillings and plays every available curse line in the song: While I do not curse, I expect that once entering an establishment of 21 and up, that I will hear at least 'adult' music!

(An aside: Only the WWE heads will get this, but Vicky Guerrero's weight loss is making her look damn good - shout out to Dan K - who probably disagrees with me.)

So this group of persons in the bar tonight were being really mean (read assholes) to their waitress and in general just making life miserable for all near by. They cashed out early and I watched the young lady who was "putting it all" on her card take money from her friends and then pay out the tab. Only thing is, she thought she was being generous and leaving a nice tip but she was way more generous than she thought. On a $40 tab, she signed off on $160 dollars, I know she only meant to put $60 on her card because I over heard the conversation but she was so drunk she added a 1, and because they were so annoying, I did not stop them even though I knew what they were doing. Nice tip for the bartender and wait staff, and a decent little lesson to the group of princesses.

Trending towards the end because I know this is long, but hey, I rarely blog any more so think of this as your week long blog and read it in parts if you have to: I suffer from Photic sneezing. What sucks about it is, well everything. It can strike at anytime. any bright light can trigger it (mainly sunlight - as sadly some people have had to witness - read exes who wake me up too early) and it once triggered is impossible to control. Well tonight I had an attack. Once the lights came up for last call, I had an attack. I was talking to people and suddenly started sneezing uncontrollably because the lights to kick us out came on...not a good look.

Currently I rock my hair in braids (mainly if being honest, because I am too lazy to comb it out everyday to maintain a decent afro) so I pulled loose a braid just to check on my hair length, I now have hair that is over 5 inches long....no clue what I am going to do with it. It is getting harder and harder to just brush it out and make it look presentable for court. I may finally just wear the damn braids to court and stop 'wetting the hair and using a bandanna to keep it compressed to get in the courtroom'.

The problem with drinking a tonne and never getting drunk is the fact that I am never going to be able to go to sleep! Why you might ask? Because every few minutes I have to go to the restroom and micturate. So you get a longer than average blog because well I am just rambling and really this only takes about 10 minutes to type, even if it takes a half hour to read (sorry).

I think its time to end this, but let me end it with a complaint. I had to go to eastern California this week for work. It was the HOTTEST I have ever been in my entire LIFE. The temperature was 112 degrees in the shade, and sadly that was no exaggeration. At one point I switched shirts because I was just sitting down writing up a report and sweated right through the shirt I was wearing. It was so hot that the braids I had freshly plaited fell down because my whole head was so moist I could not sustain the braid. I drank 144 ozs of Gatorade and water and peed once the whole damn day, and people normally make fun of how often I pee. I have no idea how people live in the Cali dessert, those who live there might have adapted to it, but I know I will not!

So I am watching the movie "Who's the Man" and as I type it is the scene with Naughty by Nature and they are performing OPP, so I guess one more SHOUT OUT TO OFELIA ;) ok I Kid, night y'all.


Congrats on the Wedding X. Once you allow us to talk about it,I will give you a proper shout out. Till that happens, keep hooking me up with court appearances and freaky fun, friendly, female, friends, from familyesque functions. (Alphabetic slaughter!) I rest my case!

"Damn these dudes are Sequoias"

Nothing like standing in a bar with 3 guys infront of you and the shortest guy is 6 foot 7. Let me point out I am just around 6ft 220lbs so I am by no means a small guy and yet I felt like a little person. At one point one of my boys was looking for me and he was just on the other side of the human forest and could not see me.

So I went out in Hermosa tonight, first time in a long time that we went out with a reduced crew. Most of the crew was out of town or with family...with that reduction in numbers you would think we would get in less or no trouble...nope

I am always amused by songs that most people claim to hate or use words like 'awful' 'sucks' 'ridiculous' but once played in a club with 'club bass' they are irresistible to dance to; think almost any Soulja Boy song. I know most peeps clown that kid, but wow he knows how to put together a beat that will make you at the very least bob your head.

Funniest moment of my night, standing outside a dive bar, some random chick walks up, and deposits her equally random friend beside me and says "Take care of her, I am counting on you to get her home safely" UGH NOOOOOO!!!! I immediately told her not to leave her friend and to make sure to put her in a cab. I understand that she might have been drunk, but that is just crazy, and not the best way to take care of your friend.

By the way, "My dougie" is such a ridiculous song (see how that works) but I love doing the dance in a crowd in the club.

This is what happens to my Friday nights when I am 'waiting on a call' I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had actually planned to go out tonight.

Let us go even more stream of consciousness than the above.

- Hanging out with cops in a bar is surreal and can kill harmonious vibes
- the US team got hosed by the referee today
- Drinking over 120 ounces of ANYTHING is just too much and yup I counted, I had to since the night started off with my boy handing me a 32Oz cup...just crazy
- Glee has its funny moments but I am not sure I can stand all the singing - and yup I know that is the point of the damn show...I accept the conflict
- Being able to walk to all the bars is damn good, until it becomes an unbreakable habit
- Mean people suck, nice people...hahah ok I just wanted to make sure you were reading on
- Seriously, I hate flakes, and I hate peeps who are passive aggressive (I am too and I hate that about myself) if you are pissed at me, just say so seriously no weird goodbyes or rolled eyes.
- Guys who mean mug in clubs crack me up, I am too old to be fighting, and if you can get in the club so are YOU!
- The girl that called out her boy by telling me that he acts aggressive but is too scared to ever throw a punch was awesome and funny, and should probably not be with that Jackass.
- Peeps are way too relaxed around me: things I heard tonight "Going home to my booty call", "I love to eat pussy", "Black is the only color for me", "You need to bring me girls with big tits" My response "I do not know you": which led to "It's cool man, just bring me girls with big tits"
- I miss blogging, I am lazy and I barely even put up Facebook status messages but I miss blogging, I do it less and less because I do not trust myself, but I miss it.
- Seeing the Grunion run is AWESOME
- "You can call me nice all you want but I am a bad boy and bad boys do bad things" Now holla at me with your cute butt, we are going to the gym!

June 13th = a very good saturday

Test drove a Kia for 5 minutes it lead to a $20 gift card at Korean market. If you have ever been to the Asian market you will know that $20 will put you in food for 2 weeks or more. In my case I wanted a $20lb sack of rice, some booze, some veggies, some meat, some fruit and some seasoning and I only paid $3 thanks to the test drive!!! Good times. And it all started because I flirted with this cute girl in the store and she let me know that free money was being given away.

Assassin and I then stopped at bev mo, grabbed some 'scotchy scotch scotch' and drank to start the afternoon while I grilled 1lb burgers!!!

But the drinking was NOT enough to stop us from playing tennis for 2 hours, it might however be the reason why we completed only one set despite playing for TWO HOURS!!! The game finally ended at 11-9 one set, the second set will be played later today.

Then it was time to go see the hangover; despite the fact that the movie started at 8 and we were still at my crib at 8...but the day was going too well, so of course we made it to the movie just as the final waste of time trailer/ad rolled BONUS.
We drank scotch throughout the movie...then ran to the Loo at the end of the movie (very funny movie, go see it!). Not the best plan to drive home after the movie so we walked into UP since it had been getting rave reviews...I can see why.

Finally made it back to the crib, more scotch, quick walk to the bars. Met a girl who was giving me the 'eye' I FROZE, I mean I completely lost the skill to step to her. Sand Assassin gave me the look of shame (then he froze later when meeting a hot chick...Hahah SUCKER!!!!) Finally screwed up courage at the 2nd bar. Now unwinding, it was a good day/night. Hopefully the Lakers lose later and neither SA or myself dies of alcohol poisoning or the pharmaceuticals that we may or may not have accidentally mixed in with them.

"I used to be a whore when I was younger"

That phrase then followed by these 2 "I cannot wait to get my fake id" and "my mom dropped me off" led me to the realization that 'eww' I am freaked out by this person and 2nd that for the Cougars and Kittens weekend, I will have much more fun going after the cougars.

I played the perfect gentleman/good Samaritan tonight, but much of it was purely out of fair and not the good nature of my heart I think (or maybe I am just being self deprecating). Anyway, on to the cougar hunt.

Assassin is the only one who knows how my night ended, and I hope he keeps it that way. (nothing illegal...yet nothing I am proud of)

Cougars and Kittens hunt Sep 08

Birthday next week = this weekend as good as any other time to hunt Cougars and Kittens. Kittens tonight at the Grand Opening of the Witherby, Cougars tomorrow at Jacks. If I have to turn another year older I might as well go after the things 'that remain the same age'.