2 guys walk into a bar...and just stare. Vol23

Shout out to Assassin! So the S.A. and I went to a bar last night and had a moment where we both were forced to realize..."We are not as cool as we think we are." So some background. Assassin and I both spotted this amazingly hot girl in the club at the same time, and I mean hot like the lyrics to "I wanna make LOVE in this club" start to make sense hot (will blog about that song later this week...it is just so damn ridiculous).

Anyway, the young lady made us both tongue tied. I am the first to admit that I have no lines, I do not use them, I do not rehearse them, so I have none. In fact when I 'pick up' a girl in the bar, it is usually an accident, like for instance I am making fun of something she did and it amused her, or, she picked me up but was nice enough to make it seem like I was the person making the move (I like that women try to save men's egos while knowing all the time that they are in control).

I mean this chick had us wrecked to the point that we played Rock, Paper, Scissors (discreetly of course) with the proviso that the loser had to go talk to her...Assassin lost, and he still has not said word one to her yet.

One of the best parts of the whole situation was that at one point the young lady looked us over, and then sat in a chair by the fire pit, directly infront of Assassin and I (we were at Altitude). So this meant that the young ladies head, (well the back of it) was directly at our crotches. I am just shy of 6 feet (6'4" with the fro) and Assassin is I think (6'4"...or something like that I can never remember, just know that he is tall).

So you would think that having the young lady right 'below' us would spur us into action...but nope, all it did was have us stare at each other and insist that the other should go talk to her. We then started trying to run through scenarios to get her to talk to us. Of course you would have expected normal peeps to conduct this in whispers but not SA and I, we conducted the whole conversation in normal bar tones. For the hottie to not have heard us she would have had to be deaf...yeah that is it she was deaf, that is why I did not spit game to her...not because I am a coward, but because she would not have been able to hear me...no clue what Assassin's excuse is. But that is mine!

So I guess the gist of this blog is to say...Assassin is a coward and he cannot pick up a girl even if she is deaf and practically has her head in his lap!








And the Cali J might be kind of weak at it too...might

Purple is the new color of Spring...if you are a girl

I have noticed the last few nights around town that purple outfits are everywhere. It is amazing how quickly trends can take hold.

Purple is still not as great a trend as "Beard are in for 2008" but it has its place.

I need to roll out with uglier friends. Having such a good looking clique could seriously lead to some problems. Last night was a study in what women want. One member of the clique is so tall that he can tell me if it is raining 5 minutes before I feel the moisture and another member DESPITE his claims that he is not short, would drown if we passed through a puddle.

So rolling out last night was a bit crazy; rolling through the club I would have a girl smile at me, (you know 'give the eye') then I would watch their eyes roll upwards and discover that there was a head visible above mine (tall bastard). It did not help that some crazy chick was convinced that Assassin was John Mayer (out of classiness that I rarely exhibit I will not put a side by side of them up).

Then the short one was on a roll with girls below the height of 5ft 1. I mean the guy is a Svengali when it comes to short women.

Funny thing is, though I am semi-ranting, I do not suffer in the clubs. In fact I do fairly well. And as Assassin can vouch, I coach a great game when it comes to setting peeps up for success on the pick-up. Last night it just turned out to be my luck that the 'gangsta-boo' was the one that was interested in me.

Cot-Damn politics is getting hotter and hotter.

I love this 'dance off' of sorts between the Obama Girl hottie and her crew and the Giuliani Clique. This is how campaigns should be really run.

My 4th of July..bit long; ez to skim

The fourth of July was crazy this year, it is crazy every year but this year unlike last year (Bar Studies) I could actually attempt to enjoy it. Sand Assassin (“SA”) and I rolled out to the beach area like 1 out of every 2 San Diegans. Now I know not every one in SD could have been at the beach but it sure felt like that. The day actually kicked into high gear when I was told that one of my friends was hurt because her ex was now sleeping with her ‘mortal’ enemy and the enemy was now moving to another city to be with the ex. Of course that meant that SA and I had to drink in support of her – poor thing. You have to realize this was not a frienemies (friends in private enemies in public) situation this was actual hatred between the 2 girls and I am friends with everyone involved. On the plus side it gave me an opportunity to talk to peeps I had not talked to in awhile.

So SA and I rolled out to PB in the afternoon cocky and confident that we would find parking, well the cockiness never disappeared but the confidence definitely waned, cars were parked everywhere, some in such locations that you would have thought Lindsay Lohan was playing Valet in PB. We finally on a Cali J whim double backed to near the beach and lo and behold found a spot that someone must have just vacated – so we ended up with primo parking that we did not deserve, but the Cali J is blessed. Later in the day we met a meter MAID and asked HIM (yes they are all ‘maids’ in my mind) how many tickets he had given out, this was early in his shift and he had already given out over 100 parking tickets, he was one of a ton of meter maids that I saw…the city cleaned up yesterday.

I saw people charging amounts for parking that I thought was retarded like $90 and $70 and my thoughts were “No one will pay for that” I was wrong:
“Sup man”
“Hey”
“Seriously 70? Is anyone actually paying that?
“I have sold 2 spots already”
“Damn…ok keep doing your thing”

Thing is if you were willing to pay between $70 – 90 you might as well just find a spot near where you want to be and park illegally since the ticket for parking in the alleys was only $47 and according to the maid yesterday “Man I am seeing so many that I just let a few slide” (yet he had already given out over a 100).

Logistics aside it was definitely crazy once we got to the beach area, allow me a moment to lapse into the Cali J’s rap persona: “Damn G honeys were everywhere I mean everywhere, you couldn’t turn cause tits were all up under your chin, some of dem B’s were rocking ’fits that looked like they took my doo rag and made a pattern to cover some skin. I was in eye-candy heaven son, I mean G I looked and I looked and I saw more Silicone than di valley, all I wanted to say was ‘A bay bay, a bay bay’.” That is of course why I will never be a rapper, but in much more gentlemanly terms there were beautiful women (many artificially enhanced) everywhere however, I did not hit on any because I am lazy and had planned to meet a young lady that we had arranged some stuff with. BUT I am lazy and not willing to walk from PB to MB after a day of drinking…yes I am kicking myself now especially since the words on the phone during the middle of the afternoon were “I really want to see you, it has been too long since we saw each other.”

Ended up at my boy’s party on the beach that was ridiculously packed, thousands showed up, including an international DJ to spin on the 1s and 2s.
Quick synopsis:
- Some whore threw my boys $400 prescription glasses of the balcony, my words on hearing this “Did she break her back when you threw her after them?” If you are a regular reader you know I am not cool with just calling girls whores etc but this one had to be, you do not randomly throw someone’s glasses over a balcony no matter how drunk you are.
- Some idiot in a Mohawk got “Knocked the F out” A mini fight broke out, a good Samaritan came in to break it up, Mohawk guy tried to sucker punch the good Samaritan and missed (note if you try to sucker punch someone you BETTER connect or suffer the full deserved consequences). The good Samaritan then unloaded a punch on Mohawk that instantly broke his nose and sent blood everywhere (Yo SA I found blood on my shorts, I knew I felt a splatter during the incident), he then uncorked 3 more quick savage blows before being dragged down and Mohawk literally crumbled to the ground and went into the fetal position, it was over in an instant but damn it was like when Shamrock decided to trash talk Ortiz and looked for half the fight like he was going to leave in a body bag.
- SCARIEST MOMENT OF THE DAY…I got hit on by a high school girl. Quick disclaimer: nothing happened as soon as I figured things out I walked/ran away. So this is what transpired. While we were talking this girl mentions that she needs to stop drinking because she has to study I asked what she told me I then mentioned that it did not sound like a college course, she said she was a senior doing summer school, something clicked in my brain I asked where she said “X High School”. The worst part about that is that high school seniors do not do summer school so that meant she was actually a Junior heading into her senior year…I could not get away from her fast enough.
- Fireworks were alright, nothing spectacular; I am still waiting for the day they spell my name out.
- Ended the night finding out that my ex has been sleeping with some guy for 8 months and then came to me for advice re troubles – I am way too cool an ex.