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Friday, July 06, 2007

My 4th of July..bit long; ez to skim

The fourth of July was crazy this year, it is crazy every year but this year unlike last year (Bar Studies) I could actually attempt to enjoy it. Sand Assassin (“SA”) and I rolled out to the beach area like 1 out of every 2 San Diegans. Now I know not every one in SD could have been at the beach but it sure felt like that. The day actually kicked into high gear when I was told that one of my friends was hurt because her ex was now sleeping with her ‘mortal’ enemy and the enemy was now moving to another city to be with the ex. Of course that meant that SA and I had to drink in support of her – poor thing. You have to realize this was not a frienemies (friends in private enemies in public) situation this was actual hatred between the 2 girls and I am friends with everyone involved. On the plus side it gave me an opportunity to talk to peeps I had not talked to in awhile.

So SA and I rolled out to PB in the afternoon cocky and confident that we would find parking, well the cockiness never disappeared but the confidence definitely waned, cars were parked everywhere, some in such locations that you would have thought Lindsay Lohan was playing Valet in PB. We finally on a Cali J whim double backed to near the beach and lo and behold found a spot that someone must have just vacated – so we ended up with primo parking that we did not deserve, but the Cali J is blessed. Later in the day we met a meter MAID and asked HIM (yes they are all ‘maids’ in my mind) how many tickets he had given out, this was early in his shift and he had already given out over 100 parking tickets, he was one of a ton of meter maids that I saw…the city cleaned up yesterday.

I saw people charging amounts for parking that I thought was retarded like $90 and $70 and my thoughts were “No one will pay for that” I was wrong:
“Sup man”
“Seriously 70? Is anyone actually paying that?
“I have sold 2 spots already”
“Damn…ok keep doing your thing”

Thing is if you were willing to pay between $70 – 90 you might as well just find a spot near where you want to be and park illegally since the ticket for parking in the alleys was only $47 and according to the maid yesterday “Man I am seeing so many that I just let a few slide” (yet he had already given out over a 100).

Logistics aside it was definitely crazy once we got to the beach area, allow me a moment to lapse into the Cali J’s rap persona: “Damn G honeys were everywhere I mean everywhere, you couldn’t turn cause tits were all up under your chin, some of dem B’s were rocking ’fits that looked like they took my doo rag and made a pattern to cover some skin. I was in eye-candy heaven son, I mean G I looked and I looked and I saw more Silicone than di valley, all I wanted to say was ‘A bay bay, a bay bay’.” That is of course why I will never be a rapper, but in much more gentlemanly terms there were beautiful women (many artificially enhanced) everywhere however, I did not hit on any because I am lazy and had planned to meet a young lady that we had arranged some stuff with. BUT I am lazy and not willing to walk from PB to MB after a day of drinking…yes I am kicking myself now especially since the words on the phone during the middle of the afternoon were “I really want to see you, it has been too long since we saw each other.”

Ended up at my boy’s party on the beach that was ridiculously packed, thousands showed up, including an international DJ to spin on the 1s and 2s.
Quick synopsis:
- Some whore threw my boys $400 prescription glasses of the balcony, my words on hearing this “Did she break her back when you threw her after them?” If you are a regular reader you know I am not cool with just calling girls whores etc but this one had to be, you do not randomly throw someone’s glasses over a balcony no matter how drunk you are.
- Some idiot in a Mohawk got “Knocked the F out” A mini fight broke out, a good Samaritan came in to break it up, Mohawk guy tried to sucker punch the good Samaritan and missed (note if you try to sucker punch someone you BETTER connect or suffer the full deserved consequences). The good Samaritan then unloaded a punch on Mohawk that instantly broke his nose and sent blood everywhere (Yo SA I found blood on my shorts, I knew I felt a splatter during the incident), he then uncorked 3 more quick savage blows before being dragged down and Mohawk literally crumbled to the ground and went into the fetal position, it was over in an instant but damn it was like when Shamrock decided to trash talk Ortiz and looked for half the fight like he was going to leave in a body bag.
- SCARIEST MOMENT OF THE DAY…I got hit on by a high school girl. Quick disclaimer: nothing happened as soon as I figured things out I walked/ran away. So this is what transpired. While we were talking this girl mentions that she needs to stop drinking because she has to study I asked what she told me I then mentioned that it did not sound like a college course, she said she was a senior doing summer school, something clicked in my brain I asked where she said “X High School”. The worst part about that is that high school seniors do not do summer school so that meant she was actually a Junior heading into her senior year…I could not get away from her fast enough.
- Fireworks were alright, nothing spectacular; I am still waiting for the day they spell my name out.
- Ended the night finding out that my ex has been sleeping with some guy for 8 months and then came to me for advice re troubles – I am way too cool an ex.


swiffer sheet V said...

No parking story will ever beat the trader joes and the tow truck. Sorry, it just takes the cake. If it had gotten towed, we would have to ask drunken Baker for a ride to the tow yard. Great night.

swiffer sheet V said...

Also, I had many drinks in order to ease the shock and pain. Karma is a bitch.

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Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt. Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.